


Sometimes Things Turn Out For The Best

by Resmiranda



Series: Sometimes [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Awkwardness, Blow Jobs, Clueless Eren, Dirty Dreams, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Light Spanking, Literary Editor!Levi, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Not-So-Eventual Smut, Power Play, Random humor, Slow Build, lots of cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 12:29:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 192,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Resmiranda/pseuds/Resmiranda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi has been Armin's literary editor for over a year when Eren suddenly realizes he harbors feelings for the other male. As it turns out, Levi reciprocates those feelings, but a completely clueless Eren and a socially challenged Levi result in one hell of an awkward courtship.</p><p>(Levi liking Eren back isn't a spoiler if it's obvious in the first 100 words)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, once again, I wrote something I didn't really intend to. I'm not actually sure I'm happy with this, but I wrote it, so might as well do something with it, right? Anyway, I'm going to continue writing it for my own enjoyment, if nothing else, but that means that I have no clue when I'll update. I know more about distant chapters than the next one. It'll happen eventually. Anyway, I hope someone enjoys this. ;) I'll add more tags as more stuff happens and characters get added. There are sure to be a slew of them in the next chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please view this [ beautiful fanart](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/post/152265629183/congrats-for-finishing-sometimes-resmiranda13) by [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/). *_*
> 
> You can see other fanart for this fic on my blog [Resmiranda13](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/) under the tag [STTOFTB art](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/tagged/STTOFTB-art)!

It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.

Against a wall, with hands fisted in hair, shallow breathing, moans.

It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.

He dropped to his knees, hands undoing my pants rapidly, yet much too slowly. He drew me out, a guttural groan being wrenched from my lips as his hot tongue slid along the underside. 

My hands found his dark locks again, and it took near all my restraint to stop myself from thrusting forward without a care for the person in front of me.

But I did care.

I cared a lot. I had no clue how we had gotten here, but I cared, and I knew he cared, too.

No, it wasn’t supposed to turn out like this, but here I was. And I didn’t want to go back.

 

>>> 

 

“Hey, Levi!” I threw over my shoulder as the short, black-haired man let himself into the apartment I shared with Armin. He glanced over at me to where I stood in the kitchen, pouring a bowl of cereal, and gave a half-wave.

Armin appeared down the stairs a moment later, apologies pouring out of his mouth. “Levi, I’m so sorry! I fell asleep on my keyboard last night going over the last couple of chapters one more time. I’m really sorry. Do you mind if I finish that up before we head out? I promise it will only take a half-hour, tops!”

“That’s fine.” Levi replied nonchalantly, already hanging up his long winter coat.

I grabbed a second mug down from one of the cabinets over my head and poured another cup of coffee. Carefully, I scooted the mug closer to my own and picked the two cups up in one hand by the handles, grabbing my bowl of Rice Krispies in the other. Despite my propensity to be immensely dangerous with hot liquids, I managed to make it to the table in front of the sofa without spilling a drop. I set everything in my hands down on the thin table before crossing to the other side and taking up the opposite corner from the one Levi had settled himself in. I reached over and carefully set the black cup of coffee before him.

Levi glanced at the cup, a bit of a smirk appearing on his lips before asking, “What? No cream and sugar?"

I rolled my eyes as I picked up my cereal. “The one, and only, time I did that, I thought you were going to take my freaking head off." 

“Well, enslaved children work all day to bring you a savory beverage, and then you go and ruin the flavor with all that crap. You probably put it in your tea, too.”

I grimaced a bit. Bulls-eye. I chose to ignore his comment in favor of bringing a spoonful of breakfast to my lips, but Levi wasn’t done ridiculing me.

“Rice Krispies? Really, brat? No wonder you have no muscle on you." Bullshit. I had more than enough muscle to be noticeable. He'd even said something about it, once. "If you ground up that bowl, I’m pretty sure I could spread the contents out on my finger. You should eat more than that.”

“Says the man who has coffee for breakfast.” I muttered.

“I may drink coffee in the morning, but I eat food with actual nutrition the rest of the day. You’re going to have a heart attack by the time you’re 30 if you keep eating ramen like that.”

“I’m 26.”

Levi scoffed. “That’s exactly my point.” 

I sighed. “Armin!” I yelled in the direction of the stair. “Hurry it up! I can’t take much more of this!” Levi just chuckled.

“What’s got you in such a good mood this morning anyways?” I grumbled, shoving in another mouthful of now slightly soggy cereal.

“I’m always in a good mood, brat.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” I retorted. “And don’t call me brat.”

Levi pinned me with an amused look, “You know, if I was going to honor that request, I would have done it the first time you asked me.”

I huffed another sigh. I liked Levi. I really did. Despite his insufferable personality, he was actually a really good guy. Yeah, I had hated him when he first started working as Armin’s literary editor last year, thinking him rude and impersonal, but once I got to know him a bit, I realized the gruffness was mostly a front to cover his social awkwardness. He was a very serious sort of person, and had a whopping case of OCD. The first time I had offered him a cup of coffee he just stared at it before asking if the cup had been washed. When I told him, yes, of course I wasn’t giving him a used cup, he didn’t believe me, making me dump out the coffee and wash it in front of him before he snatched it out of my hands and did it himself. After that incident, I started using the sanitation setting on our dishwasher and setting a group of mugs facedown on a paper towel in their own corner of the cabinet, which seemed to appease him.

Neuroticism aside, though, he was actually pretty smart, caring, and good at his job. He always treated Armin and his work with the utmost respect, even though he could be quite insistent on certain changes and a real hard-ass about deadlines. Not that Armin typically had a problem with the latter.

He wasn’t too hard to look at, either—all sharp angles and dark features, except for his eyes, which were a captivating shade of blue so pale they tended to look gray in most lighting. Not that I was paying attention, really. I could just see the appeal was all.

However, right now with the smug twist to his features, ‘appealing’ was one of the last adjectives I’d use to describe him. “Ass,” was what I opted for instead, reaching for my mug of coffee and making up my mind to ignore him for the rest of his stay. Levi didn’t seem to mind this. In fact, if anything he seemed more pleased at getting a rise out of me, and settled into the silence with an air of triumph radiating off of him.

Armin could not get down here fast enough. 

Fortunately, it was not much of a wait. Not more than ten minutes later, I was finishing off my mug off coffee and Armin was bounding down the stairs, laptop bag slung around his shoulder and jacket in hand. “Alright, I’m ready, Levi. Sorry for the wait.”

“It’s no problem.” Levi said, rising and heading towards the door to grab his coat. “But you’re not ditching me till I am satisfied with the progress we’ve made. You still have a deadline, and I am going to make sure you make it on time.”

“Yes, sir.” Armin replied stoically.

Levi held opened the door and held it for Armin, who was quick to put on his coat and reposition his bag before heading out the door. Levi began heading out before pausing last minute to turn back in my direction. “By the way, thanks for the coffee, brat.” The door shut.

I stared at the door in amazement for a moment before collecting my senses. I shook my head and picked up the dishes, setting them in the sink to rinse out later. A strange mix of feelings were taking over my body, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. Predominately, I was confused. Yes, that was the word for it. Utter confusion. I knew I shouldn’t dwell on it. It was probably nothing. But for some reason my mind was unwilling to accept those excuses. In a year in a half, not once had Levi ever thanked me for anything. I may have been a bit irritated about it in the beginning, but I resolutely had stopped caring after about a month. I really believed I didn’t care. I shouldn’t care. But…

As I leaned against the counter, Levi’s last words replaying in my head, I just couldn’t deny the warm feeling in my chest. And how much I liked it.

What was wrong with me?

 

~~~

 

It was dark outside by the time Armin got home, but it wasn’t that late. The winter was in full swing and it got dark at about 4:30PM. Right now, it was just after six, and I was boiling some pasta ( _not ramen_ ) for dinner, possibly the most productive thing I’d done with my day. The weekends always tended to be that way, though. I had my nine-to-five during the week as an office manager at a small business called Trost Supplies, a construction equipment store that specialized in metal work and harnesses. It was Saturday, however, and that meant videogames, sleep, and occasionally reading. I would go out with friends if something was happening, and it usually was. This weekend we agreed to go out on Sunday evening, though, so tonight Armin and I were on our own.

“Pasta?” He asked as he made his way into the kitchen. “My favorite!”

“I know,” I said, smiling at him. Armin had been my best friend since kindergarten. We had attended school together until we went off to college, and even then whenever we got together it was like no time had passed. Moving into an apartment after graduation had seemed natural. Even if we could afford our own places, sharing the bills was far cheaper and the company was nice, most of the time. It also made paying off my student loans a little less burdensome. Armin had gotten a full ride, naturally.

“Need some help?” He offered.

“Nah, I got it. Go ahead and put your stuff away. It’ll be ready by the time you get back down here.” 

“Okay, thanks!” He cheerfully replied. 

I took the boiling noodles off the stove and drained them over the sink. By the time Armin arrived back downstairs, I had divided the pasta and meat sauce onto two plates, mine with a huge helping of cheese, and was carrying them into the small living room. Armin walked past me and opened the refrigerator.

“What do you want to drink?”

“Do we have any Coke left?”

“Yeah, but there’s only one left after this. We’ll have to pick up some more.” 

“M’kay!” I called.

“ _Eren!_ ” Armin’s voice was chastising; I knew that tone.

“Shit! Did I leave the burner on again?”

“ _Yes._ ” Armin’s tone was still of irritation. “You’re going to burn the whole darn complex down if you don’t start paying attention. You’ve already destroyed two pots.”

Yeah… I may have left a couple pots on the stove to boil water for tea or some shit and then forgotten about it until all the water was long gone. I really did need to stop forgetting stuff like that. “I know, I know. I’m really sorry. I honestly don’t mean to. It just… happens.”

“Well, it needs to stop happening. Next time it does, I’m making you clean out my grandpa’s refrigerator.” Armin was teasing me, letting me know he wasn’t really angry, but that was a real threat. I had helped him do it once before—before I knew better. Armin’s grandpa was awesome, but he kept _everything_. Back during college, when we were on one of our breaks, I once made the mistake of drinking from a can of pop without checking the expiration date. I looked after the first rancid sip. It was from 1996. It was after that event that we cleaned out his food stores together. It had not been pretty. 

“Ugh. No. Nonono. I definitely will not forget again. God help me.”

Armin couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Wow, that must be a worse punishment than I thought if it has _you_ turning to a deity for help.” 

“You have no idea,” I answered around a mouthful of spaghetti.

“Eren, that’s disgusting.” Armin wrinkled his nose at me.

I swallowed and elbowed him lightly in the ribs. “But you know you love me.”

“Yeah, I do. For some reason.” Armin picked up the TV remote and Xbox controller, pulling up Netflix. “What do you want to watch? More How I Met Your Mother?”

“Sounds good to me, _Pookie_.” I exaggerated the pet name, knowing how it made him cringe.

“Eren, I swear, one day I’m going to meet someone I really like, and then you’re going to use that stupid name and ruin it.”

“Hey, if they’re not willing to get to know you well enough to know you’re just my best friend, then they’re not worth keeping around anyway.”

Armin actually thought that one over for a second, hand frozen mid-air. “You actually make a decent point with that one. But I still wish you’d stop.”

“Alright, alright.” I said. “You know I’m just messing with you.”

Armin selected the episode we left off on. “Yeah, I know.” We watched for a minute or two before Armin sat up a little and twisted his torso in my direction. “By the way, I invited Levi out with us tomorrow night. You don’t think the others will mind, do you?” 

“You did what?” My heartbeat sped up a little at the thought. “I mean, no, I don’t think they will, but why?”

“I just thought I would be nice.” Armin answered in a casual air. Too casual. “Every time I’ve asked him what he’s doing over the weekend, it’s almost always the same answer: nothing. I don’t think he has too many friends.” He gave me a sidelong glance before adding, “And I thought you might like the chance to talk to him a little more.”

“What?!” I exclaimed, my heartbeat thrumming ever louder, “Why would you think that? Did you not hear me this morning begging you to end our discussion time? All he ever does is insult me.” 

“I think that’s his way of expressing affection.” Armin said seriously.

“Well, that’s a pretty shitty way of doing it.” I grumbled. “Seriously, Armin. _Levi?_ And why now of all times? He’s been your editor for a year and a half.” 

“Eren, I’ve seen the way you look at him.” 

“The way I—wait, what?” I stared at him, aghast. “Armin.” I looked him dead in the eyes, “Just because I’m gay, does not mean I’m gay for every good-looking guy that walks through the door. Levi is an ass, and not one I want a piece of.” 

Armin tried to remain solemn, but ended up snorting and bursting into laughter. “Eren, that is one of the worst things that’s ever come out of your mouth,” More laughing. “ _How_ did you say that with a straight face?!”

“Shut up,” I threw one of the sofa pillows at him.

Armin grabbed the pillow and tried to regain his breath. “Sorry. That just… yeah…” I waited while he pulled himself together. “I’m serious, though. I didn’t notice anything until a couple of months after you and Jean broke up, but the last six months or so, I have definitely seen you check him out. You even just admitted you think he’s good-looking! And I think he likes you.”

Armin’s last sentence froze all movement in my chest, my racing heart completely stilled. _Shit._ I thought. I shook my head to myself, as if that would ward off the realization dawning on me with the advent of Armin’s words.

I wasn’t the greatest at recognizing and accepting my own feelings. I hadn’t really recognized that I was gay until halfway through my freshman year of college, even though thinking back on it, I had kind of known since I was in fifth grade.

Right now I was feeling startlingly similar to back then, clarity slowly seeping into my mind as I realized I could imagine every curve and dip of his face, the flat tone of his voice, the weird way he held his coffee mug, and a million other little things about him perfectly. With a sinking feeling I suddenly recalled that all the fantasies I’d masturbated to recently had been of short, dark-haired men. _Shit._

I raised my eyes back from where they’d zoned out on the carpet to Armin’s expectant face. “ _Fuck it_.” I swore softly. “Armin, I think I like Levi.”

“About time.” He grinned.

I pulled my knees up to my chin before burying my face in my legs. “Oh, shut it.” I lifted my face and whined, _“Why that asshole out of all people?”_

“Don’t ask me, you’re the one that likes him.” He paused. “Even I can see that he has a nice ass, though.”

“Armin!” I was looking at him in shock once again. Armin never said things like ‘nice ass.’ Especially when talking about another dude.

“If it’s true, it’s true.” He shrugged.

“Damn,” was all I could manage.

We both turned back to the TV after that, neither of us really having anything more to say. Armin restarted HIMYM (he had apparently paused it sometime during our talk), and I looked toward the screen without really paying attention to anything that was said. Before I had wanted to ask Armin how his day went, if Levi liked his latest novel, when it was supposed to come out. But I couldn’t remember any of those things now. My mind was too busy reeling from my epiphany. 

By the time I crashed into bed that night, I was exhausted, despite my long day of doing practically nothing. When I woke up that morning, one of the last things I was expecting was to go to sleep with Levi on my mind and my heart hammering. I was suddenly anxious about going out tomorrow. There was no way that dating Armin’s editor would be a good idea. That could go wrong in so many ways. Of course, it was better than _Armin_ dating him, but still… And besides, that was only if he wanted to date me; I was still pretty sure he just thought I was an irritating shit. _And Holy Crap, is he even gay? Why didn’t I think of this before?_ I had so much to ask Armin about in the morning. _How old is he anyway?_ _Oh, fucking hell…_ I rolled over in my bed.

This was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren asks Armin a bunch of questions and spits coffee everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Thanks to all of you who left comments/kudos! They made me ridiculously happy. Also, apologies for the wait, for those of you who were waiting.
> 
> 2) I really intended for this chapter to include their outing, but then Eren and Armin just had a lot to say. So in the interest of not having a chapter over twice as long as the first one and getting something up sooner, I cut it off. I promise Eren/Levi time in Chapter 3.
> 
> Mmm... I think that's it. Enjoy?

The next day, my first thought as my brained clawed its way out of a hazy sleep was that I had actually _managed_ to fall asleep. What I remembered of the night was miserable. My stomach was knotted and a million questions buzzed in my head. When it wasn’t questions, it was fantasies of what would happen with Levi when we went out. Most of them seemed to end in me making a complete idiot of myself. In my semi-coherent state, I seriously thought to myself, _I hope I haven’t developed clairvoyance,_ before the sheer stupidity of the thought roused me into a more lucid state.

I didn’t want to be awake, though. After hardly sleeping, I most certainly did _not_ want to be awake. I shoved my face into my pillow and groaned. It was Sunday. People were supposed to sleep in on Sundays if they didn’t go to church, which I didn’t. Unfortunately, once I was up, I was up. There was no hope of sleep until night fell again. That didn’t stop me from laying completely still in my bed for fifteen more minutes before I scrounged up the will to go make an extra-large pot of coffee, though.

As I sleepily made my way down the tiny staircase into the kitchen (without running into any walls for once), it occurred to me that I might be too out of it tonight to be comprehensible, much less suave. Add alcohol into the equation, and I was definitely headed for a massive bout of stupidity, which was saying something by my standards. “Maybe I should just stay home…” I muttered as I groggily groped at the refrigerator handle, seeking the coffee grounds. 

“Eren—“ I gave a yelp of surprise and stood bolt upright from where I had been bending to fish the coffee out from one of the drawers at the bottom of the fridge. “—you okay?” I caught the end of the question, the burst of adrenaline slowly dispersing. Armin looked about as startled as I felt, but it was mixed with concern.

“Sorry,” I started, bending back over to the coffee before continuing, “you just scared the shit out of me.” I laughed a little, kicking the drawer closed and pushing the door shut, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just exhausted.”

“Didn’t you sleep?” 

A flash of irritation struck through me. _‘Did you sleep?’ He asks innocently… No I did not fucking sleep, Armin. No thanks to you._ Fortunately, I had enough wherewithal to not say that out loud. Deep down, I knew that Armin was not at fault for my problems. I was just crankily blaming him for making me see the truth at what I deemed an inconvenient time. I had been perfectly happy before Armin had to burst my bubble of ignorance and prompt me into realizing I thought his editor was fucking hot. Speaking of that asshole, fuck if I slept or not, I could finally get some answers to all those questions that kept me from said sleep last night. “Armin. I’m going to make a pot of coffee. And you’re going to go into the living room, sit down on the couch, and wait for me. Then you’re going to answer all of the fucking questions that plagued me last night.” I turned my back on him and wasted no time getting the machine ready to brew. I tended to be horribly blunt in the mornings. Only when Armin spoke again did I actually realize he hadn’t moved.

“Can I get some breakfast, first?” His voice was pleasant, but laced with irritation. I sighed.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Sorry.”

“S’kay,” he said around a yawn as he moved next to me to grab a bowl from overhead. "So you couldn't sleep last night because of questions? What kinds of questions?"

I gave him a glare that told him he knew fucking well what questions, but just grouchily muttered, "Don't start me until I have coffee in my hands."

Armin chuckled lightly. He had known me long enough to know that I was not at my best before 10 without a significant amount of caffeine in my system. I always felt shitty about my behavior once I woke up enough to realize I was being a dick, but I had always had anger management issues and sleep deprivation tended to exacerbate the problem. Armin should be sainted for putting up with me. I made a mental note to do something nice for him in the near future.

A few minutes later I had my coffee and Armin had a bowl of oatmeal, and we were seated on the couch. I took a huge sip and flinched as it scalded my tongue. I didn’t even care. Taste was not necessary; energy was. Armin was patient as he waited for me to begin, stirring his oatmeal occasionally as he waited for it to cool down enough to eat.

“Armin, you need to tell me about Levi.” There were so many questions I could ask. Literally endless questions. Because I knew almost nothing about the guy for the amount of time he spent in our apartment. The more I thought about it, the crazier it made me. How was it even possible for him to be shrouded in so much mystery after a year and a half?

“What about him?” That response was totally reasonable, even predictable, but I was unusually short-tempered this morning. After an entire night of wondering, I was not in the mood for games.

“Literally anything, Armin,” I said in exasperation. “Until last night I hadn’t realized how little I know about him. It’s been a year and a half, and all I know is that he’s a clean freak with a bad attitude that somehow manages to be considerate when it comes to his job. I… There is…” I let out a frustrated sigh. “Where do I even start?! Okay. Last night. Let’s start with what you said last night. You said you thought he likes me, right? How do you know that? Is he even gay?”

Armin seemed caught in between a cross of being unnerved and amused. “Eren, are you sure you’ve never thought about Levi—like that—before last night? You’re being kind of intense…”

I didn’t know how to answer that one. He was right, and I knew it, but I couldn’t help it. It was like floodgates had been opened and suddenly I was remembering these strange things like how he smelled like laundry detergent and spice and how the first time he had been in the apartment his long, thin fingers had brushed mine as he snatched the coffee up out of my hands, and I knew exactly how much space separated our bodies on the couch when we sat on it together and _seriously oh my gosh why why why—_ “Eren!” Fingers were snapping in front of my face and my attention was immediately sucked back onto Armin. “Eren?” He was looking concerned for the second time that morning.

With another sigh I put my cup back on the table and folded in on myself to card my hands through my messy nest of hair. “Something is wrong with me Armin. Something is seriously wrong with me. I am freaking out over a guy I was in total denial about having feelings for, and now it’s like I can remember every single interaction I’ve ever had with him. Why didn’t you tell me I was gawking at him? And do you see me right now? I’m acting like a freaking teenage girl! No wonder he treats me like a total idiot…” I trailed off, the thought that I really shouldn’t go out tonight reappearing in my brain.

Armin scooted closer and pulled me into a one-armed hug. “Okay, Eren, look at me.” I did as ordered and raised my head. “First of all, you are not a _total_ idiot,” his eyes held a glimmer of mischief as he emphasized the word. “Secondly, it really hasn’t been that bad. I mean, yeah, you’re kind of obvious, but it was cute to watch. And Levi really didn’t seem to mind… Which brings me to your last question.” Armin paused to take a breath, eyebrows furrowing a tad as he said, “I don’t know for _sure_ what his preferences are, but I do know he’s dated both genders before. I heard from one of his coworkers when he was first assigned to me that he had just broken up with some girl named Petra, and he mentioned in passing once that he had a boyfriend at some point, so I’m pretty sure he’s into both. Beyond that, I really don’t know, you’ll have to figure that out yourself.”

I mulled that over in my head for a few moments. So he was likely bi. Okay, one mystery sort of down. Next question. The one I wanted the answer to most. “What makes you say you think he likes me?”

Armin put a little bit of space between us again and turned to face me, a small smile turning up his lips. “Eren, I have a confession to make. Well, several of them, actually, but let me give you some exposition first.” I had to try hard not to roll my eyes. Leave it to the writer to use a word like _exposition_ in normal conversation. “Levi’s usually pretty strict about stuff being done on time, right? Early on the few times I’d mess up on the date of a deadline or have to cancel on him he’d get seriously _pissed_. But then, something strange happened. I think this was around January. No, I know it was January because I _swear_ he said two weeks after New Years—" 

“Armin.” I cut him off. “Get to the point.”

“Oh, right.” He looked at me with abashment before continuing. “Well, anyway, _someone_ had the date wrong, and he showed up for a meeting here a week before I was expecting…” His story was starting to sound familiar to me. “Well, I was nowhere near ready and he looked like he was one step short of strangling me when you walked down the stairs. He looked over my shoulder at you and suddenly it was like all that anger evaporated and he told me to get my butt upstairs to polish what I had and bring it down when I was done.” 

“Holy shit! I remember that day. I was watching a Lord of the Rings marathon and you didn’t come back till, like, halfway through The Two Towers. It was really awkward. Also, side note, do _not_ tell him he would make a great hobbit.” 

Armin burst out laughing, but it was not a laughing matter. “You wouldn’t be laughing if you were there,” I told him. That had been one of the most uncomfortable days of my life.

Armin settled down enough to speak again. “Sorry, just—the image of him in a hobbit hole…” He snickered again and I poked him in the ribs, which made him jolt. “Okay, okay!” He exclaimed. “So I thought that was weird. And then when I finally did have that meeting with him he was in the best mood I’d ever seen him in. It was strange because his face never really changes, but it was like he had been energized or something.”

As Armin spoke, my chest began to feel a little tighter. I could remember that day—hell, how could I forget that day—but nothing about Levi’s behavior had struck me as odd. Granted, I didn’t spend near the amount of time with him that Armin did. Still, he had just seemed like his usual crabby-ass self. But if Armin’s suspicion was right, that meant Levi had been interested even before Jean and I had split.

“Also, I’m not sure if you noticed, but he hated Jean. He’s kind of a gruff guy, but he was flat out _mean_ to Jean. That coffee spill was no accident.” Armin was looking at me seriously.

“You saw?” I asked. He nodded. That incident had happened just before Jean and I broke up. Actually, that incident was kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back. I had gone up to my room to get something when I heard a yelp followed by a string of shouted curse words. By the time I got downstairs Armin was handing some paper towels to a coffee-drenched Jean who was looking furiously at Levi and yelling something about him doing it on purpose. I had dragged him away to get him a fresh shirt and a cool wet cloth to place over his scalded skin. He kept trying to convince me that Levi had bumped into him on purpose, but I told him he was overreacting, I really couldn’t imagine Levi doing that. It started a fight. He accused me of never believing anything he told me, I had snapped back that if he didn’t lie so much I would be able to, and things escalated till he was packing the few things he kept in the apartment and storming out.

“Armin,” I started quietly, not quite sure what to make of this information yet. “Why didn’t you tell me Jean was telling the truth?”

“Because I didn’t think it mattered. You and Jean weren’t in a healthy relationship. I think you know it would have ended sooner or later over something like that. And honestly? If I told you and you went back to him I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself. Jean’s my friend, and I don’t think he’s a bad person, but he didn’t treat you right, and I was relieved when you ended it. I hated seeing you get hurt over and over.” The sincerity Armin spoke with held any anger I might have felt at bay. His eyes were shining and for an alarmed moment I wondered if he was about to cry. I couldn’t stand the thought of my best friend getting so upset over this. He was right. While Jean and I had been good for a long time, when it went bad it was like dropping poison into water. There was no way to extract it once it had converged.

“Hey,” I reached out to grasp Armin’s shoulder, “it’s okay. I probably would’ve done the same thing. And I’m over it now, so it doesn’t matter anymore. You’re a great friend, Armin.” Armin gave me a weak smile, still looking like he felt guilty. There was no reason for him to be; what I said was true. I really was okay now—Jean and I were even on speaking terms again—and if anyone _dared_ treat Armin the way Jean had treated me, I would kick their ass. “Seriously,” I squeezed his shoulder before letting go, “I mean it. Now get back to the story because I’m dying here.”

My attempt at lightening the mood seemed to work as he gave me a more genuine smile. “Sorry. Well, after the coffee incident, he started asking me about you when he hadn’t seen you around in a while. Nothing particularly special, just 'hey, how's the brat?' or something, but he is always so attentive to the answer.”

“Wait, ‘is’?” I interrupted again. “He still does it?” 

“Yeah. Actually, it’s increased over time. Which brings me to those confessions I mentioned…” He glanced at me shyly. “I decided to experiment a little. You know those mornings where my computer crashed and my backup wasn’t working, or I fell asleep and didn’t finish what I was supposed to, or had to run over to my grandpa’s place in the middle of a meeting to go help him out with something real quick?” 

“Yeah…” I was wondering where Armin was going with all of this.

“Well, I might have lied about all of those things just to give you some time with Levi.”

I looked at him incredulously.

“I mean,” he exclaimed hastily, “one or two of those instances I actually _did_ mess up or have something to do, but after I figured out that he didn’t get mad at me for holding up his schedule as long as you were around…”

I was having some trouble digesting this information. This was Armin we were talking about here. _Armin._ Armin never did anything devious. Ever.

“So yesterday morning…”

“I had been done with my corrections for two days. I took a nap.”

My eyes bored into Armin’s, looking for a hint of a lie, but I came up short. He was being serious.

“You crafty bastard!” I picked up one of the decorative pillows and whacked Armin on the shoulder with it. He laughed and held up an arm to ward off any further attacks. “I can’t believe you…” I honestly was at a loss for words. “I can’t believe you.” Armin gave me the most self-satisfied smile I’d ever seen grace his face. Then, as some of the shock of what he’d been doing began to wear off, the gravity of everything he’d told me came crashing down on me. “So… Levi’s really been doing all that?”

“Yeah. But what really convinced me was that he didn’t agree to go out tonight until I told him you were going.” He looked at me teasingly.

I felt warmth rise in my cheeks. “For real?” I asked a bit sheepishly.

“For real.” He threw my own words back at me.

I sat there quietly for a moment and picked my coffee back up, taking a long drink. “I don’t think I can go tonight,” I finally stated.

I didn’t look up from my cup, but I could feel Armin sit up beside me. “What?” I could hear the bewilderment in his voice, like he hadn’t heard me right.

“I don’t think I can go tonight,” I repeated, more firmly.

“Eren, you did not just say that after everything I told you.”

“That’s exactly _why_ Armin. It’s—It’s too much pressure! It was fine before when I was clueless, but now that I know how I feel, and maybe how he feels… I just don’t know! I’m afraid of screwing up now. I do stupid things all the time, and you know I’m not very good at hiding what I’m feeling. Hell, there’s a _reason_ why people say you ‘pulled an Eren’ when someone says something out loud they didn’t mean to. I just _know_ when I see him now I’m going to word vomit all over myself and everything I’m thinking will be really obvious—"

“Eren,” Arming cut in resolutely. “Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you _always_ display what you’re thinking. That is to say, I don’t think you being aware of your feelings will actually change your behavior that much. There’s no reason for you to be nervous. If Levi likes you, and I think he does, it’s just because of who you are. You don’t have to put on a show for him. Whatever he likes was just from what he saw of you around the house. So don’t freak out thinking you have to be someone you’re not. Just be yourself.”

Armin’s words were generic, but comforting all the same. As usual, he was right. If Levi _was_ interested in me, it was somehow in spite of all the times he had watched me walk into walls, spill on myself, or say something stupid (like referring to him as a hobbit). I shook my head tiredly and rested my head in my hands again. I was having too many revelations for one day, with far too little rest.

“Okay, but if I go tonight, you have to promise to rescue me if I start digging a hole I can’t get out of.” 

“Of course,” Armin said happily.

“Argh, and I still have a million questions, too, but I’m so tired… Okay. Just answer me this, and then I’m going to take a shower to try and wake me up while I wait for the coffee to kick in.”

“Okay.”

“How old is Levi?”

Armin shifted uncomfortably and averted his eyes from mine, vaguely looking in the direction of the window.

“Armin…?” I questioned warily, before bringing another sip of coffee to my lips.

“Forty-five,” he said so quietly and quickly I almost didn’t catch it.

I spit my coffee out all over the table.

“What?!” I yelled.

“ _Eren._ ” Armin hissed, his eyes shifting to the front door like he actually expected one of our neighbors to be pounding on it any second.

“No, seriously. What the fuck Armin?! You’re joking, right?” I knew he wasn’t, but I had to ask.

“No,” he said in the same quiet voice.

I just stared at him. My mind felt like a void—every thought I tried to have instantly being sucked away. “Forty-five… That’s…” I tried to count the years between him and me.

“Nineteen.” Armin softly supplied.

“…nineteen years.”

“Look,” Armin started, finally speaking up a bit, “I know it’s a big age gap—I just figured… You’re both adults now, and, you know—“

“No, Armin, stop.”

He looked up at me, so many emotions were shifting over his features I couldn’t tell what he was thinking at all, but I knew he had misread the situation.

“It’s not the age gap I’m losing my shit over. I mean, that is a chunk of years, but I couldn’t care less about that anymore. No, Armin, I thought he was maybe... I don’t know, I never really thought about it before. Maybe six to eight years older than us. _Nineteen?_ I can honestly not… His _face_ Armin!”

“I _know_.” Armin nodded, his eyes wide in agreement. 

“ _Damn_. I hope I look that good at forty-five.”

“Right?!” He looked away from me again. “I’ve wanted to tell you that forever now, but I was afraid it would wig you out. And, this may sound weird, but I really wanted you to give him a chance. I really like Levi, and he kinda seems lonely. I’ve been watching you two interact for a long time now, and I think you might be good for each other.”

I was paying attention to what Armin said. I really was. But I had a question I was burning to ask, so I ignored everything he had just said in favor of voicing it. “Armin, what does it say about me that Levi seems even hotter now that I know he’s forty-five?” 

Armin paused for a moment, confused by my seemingly random question. “That you like middle-aged men that look like young men?”

“There’s gotta be a name for that.”

“I’ll look it up.”

“You probably will.” I retorted.

Armin laughed at that, because it was true.

I looked at the mess I had made all over the table in front of us and sighed. “I’d better go get some paper towels before that stains the wood. If Levi finds out about this he’ll probably refuse to touch the table ever again. And I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Probably.” Armin agreed. “I can take care of it, though. You go ahead and shower.”

“You sure? I was the one who made the mess.”

“Yeah, but it was kind of my fault too for not waiting till you had swallowed.” Armin laughed a little. “Sorry.”

I laughed, too. “Nah, you’re good. This will make a great story someday.”

“Yeah, like tonight.” Armin grinned wickedly.

“You wouldn’t!” I had never seen this cunning side of Armin before, and it scared me. 

The scheming light left Armin’s eyes, and I almost sighed in relief. “No, I wouldn’t,” he conceded before a mischievous curl lifted a corner of his lip, “But I make no promises about the future.” He practically sang the words to me as he disappeared into the kitchen. I decided to ignore the chill that left in my gut. I got the feeling that Armin could be very dangerous if he was so inclined. The way he had planned all that stuff with Levi out was too crafty. Maybe he had missed his calling as a strategist. I stood up and shoved the thought aside, favoring thoughts of the steaming shower instead. My head was reeling with all of the information I had been given, and as much as I still wanted to know, I needed to let what I had already learned sit for a while. 

I yawned as I climbed the stairs. Maybe I would try to take a nap after I showered, even though I rarely had success falling asleep and it would probably be next to impossible after the caffeine I’d just ingested. Whatever. Even if I just laid in bed for a couple hours it would probably help me organize my thoughts some.

Forty-five.

I pictured Levi’s face as I collected some fresh clothes from my room and headed to the tiny bathroom Armin and I shared. His face led me to envision the way his dress shirts hugged his biceps and his slacks clung to the swell of his ass.

_Forty-five…_

Yeah.

I didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if there are any mistakes! And thanks for giving my story a shot. :) This is only my second attempt at fanfiction and my first was complete and utter crack (*whispers* AKA, let's just forget about that one...), so... yeah. I'm working on it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren has a conversation with himself about tortilla chips and Jean picks a fight (or two) with Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST: THANK YOU for all the comments/kudos/bookmarks. People have been really kind and you fill me with happiness!
> 
> This chapter is so long (by my standards). I wanted it to be mmm... maybe half as long. But I didn't feel there was a good place to cut it, so you get a long-ass chapter.
> 
> I feel like I should apologize for a lot of things concerning this chapter--like how angry it is. Maybe just how angry Jean is (I promise he won't be such a jerk forever!) However, I refuse to apologize for the tortilla chips.
> 
> But you can judge for yourselves... Enjoy? :)

After my shower, I did end up attempting to nap. I couldn’t exactly call it successful, but it wasn’t a complete failure either. I sort of drifted in a half-aware state that warped my memory and sense of time. When Armin came to knock on my door nearly three hours later, I was shocked to find so much time had passed. I wasn’t sure if I had slept or not, honestly. In fact, if anything my “nap” had left me feeling even more dazed. Oh well. Maybe the shopping trip Armin was proposing would wake me up. Fresh air and all that shit.

As it turned out, the crisp November air _did_ help clear my head a bit, though I could tell from the strange line of thoughts making their way through my head that some of my wits were still scattered. As long as I had gathered most of them by evening, when it mattered, I didn’t really care if I was a little off.

Armin and I entered the grocery store, seeking out the items we needed to keep ourselves fed and maintained for another week. We picked up another pack of Coke, some bread, dish detergent and other essentials. When we got to the chip aisle, I sighed, disgruntled that they were out of my favorite brand of tortilla chips and resigned myself to getting my _second_ favorite brand of tortilla chips. Then I mentally chastised myself because _not everyone gets tortilla chips, Eren._ At this point Armin told me to shut up because I was talking out loud again and people were going to think I was crazy. Heat rose in my cheeks, and I distracted myself from the embarrassment by swearing off all tortilla chips until all people had equal access to them. Then my tired brain realized one person refusing to buy tortilla chips would a) not be detrimental to the industry and b) even if it was would do absolutely nothing if I didn’t make my cause known. _This is why I need sleep at night. I start thinking I can become a political activist by boycotting torti—_

“Eren, you’re doing it again.”

~~~

Armin and I somehow managed to get the rest of our things and check out without further incident. The drive back was a short one, and then I was left wondering what to do with the next seven hours besides freak the fuck out. Suddenly, I was struck with one of my more brilliant ideas, and possibly my only hope at being a functioning human being that evening. Generally, I hated resorting to this, but after my half-crazed ramblings about tortilla chips, desperate times called for desperate measures. “Hey, Armin. Do we have any sleeping pills left?”

“Uhh…” Armin looked up, his brows drawn together. “I think so? If we do they’d be in the cabinet above the sink in the upstairs bathroom. You going to try to sleep again?”

“Yeah. I really need it.”

“You can say that again…”

I shot him a look, but forwent a retort and climbed the short stairway, taking a left towards the bathroom. Once in front of the sink, I raised a hand to open the cabinet hidden behind a mirror, my eyes scanning for the packet I needed. Fortunately, Armin was kind of anal about organization and all the medicines were neatly arranged by name—not that this always helped because you never knew when something would be generic or name-brand. This time it proved extremely useful as my eyes alighted on a small box labeled “Sleep Aid.”

_Bingo._

~~~

When the alarm I’d set on my cell phone went off and I awoke for the second (third?) time that day, I still felt a little groggy from the lingering effects of the medication, but  the spike of anxiety I felt upon remembering who I’d be seeing within the next hour did much  to clear my mind, and I definitely felt better than I had all day. Of course, now trying to go to sleep tonight would be hell, but oh well. I could always drink enough to get a little tipsy, though not drunk—I _did_ have work in the morning (not that this fact always stopped me…). Mild intoxication tended to start out with me being chatty and short-tempered, and ended in drowsiness. That would probably suffice.

I dragged myself out of bed with a groan and began rummaging through my closet, fretting over what I should wear. Typically, unless we went somewhere with a dress code, I just threw on a plain t-shirt or something, but the thought of Levi in one of his dress shirts made me think that maybe I should spring for something a little nicer. And come to think of it, I didn’t even know where we were going. I had been so preoccupied about Levi I’d completely forgotten to ask.

I walked over to my door and flung it open yelling, “ARMIN WHERE ARE WE GOING TONIGHT?”

“Sheesh, Eren. I’m right here,” Armin replied from three feet away to my right, in front of his own door. “Do you even _try_ to pay attention to your surroundings?”

I ignored my embarrassment, and pressed on with my question. “Sorry. But do you know where we’re going? I need to pick out something to wear.”

“Oh, don’t worry about wearing anything fancy. We’re trying out this place called Rosa’s.”

“Rosa’s?” I hadn’t heard of it before. The name made me wonder if it was Spanish or Mexican or something.

“Yeah, it’s actually not that far from here. Apparently Levi knows the owner—he said he could get us a discount. And that it’s clean.”

I sighed. “That would be his criteria. Wait, I thought you said he didn’t have any friends?”

“I said I didn’t think he had _many_ friends. But I don’t really know. He just strikes me as more of a loner.”

“Yeah…” I trailed off, not really having anything to add on to that. I tried to picture Levi surrounded by friends having a conversation, but it just didn’t fit. I supposed I would find out soon enough.

I tossed a “thanks” to Armin before going back into my room to stare at my closet some more. Maybe a sweater? It was cold enough for one. I fingered through a couple of long-armed shirts before I found a nice soft green one with an argyle pattern embossed on the front and wormed my way into it. Next were pants. I looked down, forgetting what I had been wearing. _Shit, did I really wear these to the store?_ I had forgotten I’d never taken my sleep clothes off and found myself dressed in a pair of fleece pajama pants adorned with polar bears. Somewhat mortified that I had worn these in public, I ripped them off and went in search of a pair of dark blue jeans that hugged my hips snuggly. Taking a glance in the mirror, I deemed myself suitable and stepped out to take a piss and brush my teeth. I was pretty sure I hadn’t all day, and was certain there weren’t many faster routes to disgusting Levi. _Especially if I want to ki—NO._ I told myself firmly. I was not going there. At least not yet. Well, maybe. I’d see.

~~~

The bar was a little hole-in-the-wall place, an elegant red script proclaiming _Rosa’s_ over the entrance. Despite the Spanish name, the place itself did not have any readily viewable ties to Hispanic culture—they were even playing the popular songs of the moment over the speakers. This was quickly changed, however, as I sat down on a stool in front of the bar, for almost instantly a small basket of golden triangles was placed before me. I could almost hear the universe mocking me.

 “Fucking tortilla chips,” I muttered.

“Damn, brat, what did they ever do to you?”

I gave a startled cry and turned into the gaze of a very familiar pair of icy blue-gray eyes. “Levi!” Had he been there a second ago? Apparently so, if his nearly empty glass of red wine was anything to go by. Either that or he been chugging wine, which I just couldn’t picture him doing. I stared at him blankly for a moment before his cocked eyebrow reminded me all I'd done was awkwardly shout his name. "Um… hi." I quickly looked away, already feeling heat rise in my cheeks. Where the hell was Armin when I needed him?

“Levi, you made it!” My savior’s voice called from behind me. I quickly turned to give Armin a grateful look, relief coursing through me.

“I should be the one saying that. I have been here for an hour,” he replied dryly.

“Oh,” Armin’s face was suddenly concerned. “Did I not tell you the time we were meeting?”

“Don’t look so damn worried. You told me. I just figured I would catch up with my friends before you shitty brats showed up.”

“Who’re you calling shitty brats?” an angry voice projected, its owner stalking towards us. My stomach plummeted. “What the hell are you doing here?” Jean yelled.

I turned to Armin, incredulous. He returned my bewildered gaze and subtly raised his hands as if to say, ‘I have no idea what he’s doing here.’

Levi seemed unperturbed by his sudden intrusion; his cool stare swept over Jean, before declaring, “You look like you need to take a shit.”

You could almost see Jean bristle. “Seriously, what the fuck is he doing here?” He looked from me to Armin and back again. “Why do you let him say bullshit like that?”

“What the fuck are _you_ doing here?” I retorted, my insides twisting. It was true we were on speaking terms. I never said they were friendly ones.

“Oh, am I still not allowed to hang out with _our_ friends, Yeager?”

 “I thought they broke up,” Levi commented to Armin.

Both our heads snapped to Levi. “We did,” we spoke in unison before throwing a scathing glare at one another.

Jean turned to Armin, perhaps figuring he would be the most sympathetic, “I want that fucking midget out of my sight.” He glared daggers at Levi.

Levi’s eyes flashed dangerously and he sat up a little more. “I have just as much right to be here as you, but if you insist on picking a fight with me, how about we take this outside? Winner gets to stay.” Levi quirked an eyebrow and the smallest of smirks turned up the corner of his lips.

“Levi, calm down!” A boisterous call came from a brown-haired woman making her way over to us from behind the bar, halting any reply Jean may have wanted to make. “I’m not letting you fight in a two-mile radius of this place.”

“That is fine by me,” he replied, his attention never leaving Jean, who looked one step short of punching him right there.

“ _Levi_ ,” the woman drew out the vowels of his name, both chastising and warning.

Levi scoffed softly before muttering, “Shitty four-eyes,” and finally turned his back on Jean to take the last sip of his wine and give his attention to the newcomer. “Fine,” he told her, “but if that’s the case get me another one of these,” he said tapping the now-empty glass lightly. He turned to me. “You want anything?” My mouth abruptly went dry and my mind blank. I tried to subtly work some spit back into my mouth before answering with the first alcoholic beverage that would pop into my mind. “Blue Moon,” I told him. Shit. I didn’t even like that orange crap. Whatever. It would suffice.

The bespectacled woman grinned broadly at us and said, “You got it,” before turning around to go back behind the bar.

Jean just stood there, fuming, his fists clenching tightly before swearing and turning to go stalk back to the table near the rear of the room that he’d presumably come from. Only then did I notice that a number of our friends were already gathered.

“I’ll go talk to him,” Armin said and started to walk away.

“You want me to get you something?” I offered before he got too far.

“What I usually get is fine,” he replied before making his way to the back. I turned back to the bar just as the brown-haired woman slid a drink in front of me. “Thanks. Uh, can I get a Long Island Iced Tea, too?”

“Sure!” She replied with another toothy grin before turning around. I noticed the man who had place the tortilla chips in front of me earlier was no longer there.

Suddenly Levi’s voice reminded me I wasn’t alone. “Huh,” he said, glancing over his shoulder in the direction Armin had gone. “I would not have taken him for the type.”

I just shrugged, and squirmed a little in my seat, hoping Armin would come back and say it was okay to join the others soon. I reached from my drink instead and took a large gulp, trying not to grimace at the flavor. Levi’s soft laughter told me I failed, my face suddenly ablaze and my stomach lurching a bit at the sound—rich and deep and alluring. “Did you just shit yourself, kid? You look like you’ve never drunk before.”

“N-No,” I cursed myself for stuttering. I wanted to give more of a reply than that feeble denial, but I didn’t want to admit I’d ordered something I didn’t like either because he’d inevitably end up asking me why. Fortunately the bartender came back at that moment and spared me from continuing that line of conversation. She suddenly dropped her arms onto the bar and shoved her face towards mine. I leaned back instinctively, but she just pressed further in, inches from my nose.

“Oi, Hanji, you’re going to scare the piss out of him.”

She—Hanji—ignored him and looked me in the eyes for a long moment before pulling back and stating, “So you’re the green-eyed cutie Levi tells me about.”

I was sure my cheeks were crimson at this point and I could feel the heat spreading down my neck.

“I never called him cute,” Levi protested, but didn’t deny he’d been talking about me. I chanced a glance at him, only for my eyes to stick there when I thought I saw—was it my imagination?—the slightest tint of pink dusting his cheeks.

“Ah!” Hanji suddenly cried, wheeling her gaze back to me. “I never introduced myself properly! I’m Hanji.” She extended her hand to shake mine and I began to wonder if this woman ever stopped smiling.

“Eren,” I supplied her, keeping my hand firm as she attempted to crush it.

“Oh, I know what your name is.” I was glad it had come out that Levi had told her about me because if she had said those words to me with that maniacal gleam in her eyes without that bit of context, I would have been gathering up my friends and shoving them out the door.

“Hanji, what did I just say? You are scaring the brat.”

“Uh—I—No! I mean, it’s fine.” I was making such an idiot out of myself. I took another swig of my drink, trying to avoid rolling the liquid on my tongue as much as possible and just get it down my throat. I felt both their eyes on me as I lowered the glass and rapidly scrounged my brain for a topic of conversation. I looked around and said the first thing that would come to me. It wasn’t very creative. “This is a nice place,” I told Hanji.

“Isn’t it?!” She beamed. “I always wanted to own a bar! You get to meet so many interesting people! I’m never short on subjects for my research on human interaction. It took me a while to get everything in place, and it’s a lot of work, but I just love it.”

“Oh, so you’re the owner?” I questioned, just as the man who had been tending the bar earlier returned from the back with a tray of freshly washed glasses.

“Yes, I am! And this is our friend Mike,” she informed me, waving to the man. “Mike, this cutie is the Eren who’s captiv—” Hanji’s sentence was suddenly cut as Levi’s arm flashed out to grip her by the collar and practically drag her across the bar.

“Not. Another. Word,” he growled.

I just stared in shock as Hanji laughed and stood back up, Levi looking as bored as ever again. Mike walked up to greet me. Only instead of introducing himself and extending his hand, like Hanji—like any semi-normal person with a basic understanding of societal norms—he leaned over the bar and _sniffed_ me, which sufficiently distracted me from mentally finishing the sentence Hanji had begun.

I looked over to Levi, mystified. _These_ were his friends?

“Wipe that stupid look off your face, brat. Yes. For some reason I call these two freaks my friends.” He took a sip of his fresh glass of wine.

I just nodded and turned back towards the bar, wondering what else to say.

“So… you do research?” I tried.

Levi suddenly shifted and gave me a sharp look. “Don’t go there, Eren.” There was an edge to his voice that I’d never heard before. I looked at him in question.

“Would… would you really like to hear?” Suddenly the robust woman became strangely soft-spoken, her eyes glimmering in the dim lighting.

“Sure?” I said before vice-like fingers wrapped around my upper arm.

“Wrong answer, brat,” Levi muttered before twisting to Hanji, “He doesn’t,” he said to her as he began to drag me off the stool and nearly caused me to collide with Armin who had come up right behind me. Both Armin and I stumbled backwards, but between the bar and Levi’s iron fingers I was able to right myself and as soon as I did he let go. I tried to ignore the memory of his fingers haunting my skin and turned to grab Armin’s drink for him.

“Sorry!” Armin exclaimed when he recovered. I was just coming to get you. I think Jean will behave now. Sorry about that,” Armin said to Levi, who simply waved him off.

“Don’t worry about it.”

I looked back to where Hanji stood behind the bar, looking put out. “Maybe later?” I offered. She lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Eren, don’t,” Levi warned. “She will keep you up all night, and that is not an exaggeration.”

Levi didn’t seem like the type to exaggerate, but all night seemed like a bit of a stretch. Then again, Hanji looked fucking crazy right now. Maybe I should heed that warning. “Uh, I guess we’ll see,” I murmured, turning a way and deciding to “forget” about my drink. Unfortunately, Levi was remembering.

“Hey, Eren. Don’t forget your drink.”

“I don’t really want it anymore,” I told him honestly.

“So I buy you a shitty drink and you don’t even have the courtesy to finish it?” Levi scowled at me.

“But I—wait, you’re buying?” My brain felt like it was turning into a pile of goo. Clips of things Armin had said to me that morning replayed in my mind.

“Of course I’m buying, you shit. I asked what you wanted, didn’t I?” I was having trouble telling if Levi was pissed or amused. Maybe he was both.

“I just thought—oh.” I knew he had asked me what I wanted, but I never would have guessed that he was making an offer. I thought he was just asking the way I had asked Armin earlier. At a loss for what to say, I reached back for the half-full pint, but Levi stopped me with his voice. “You don’t have to drink something you don’t like, Eren. Just don’t be an idiot and waste my money this round.”

 _This round?_ He was buying my next drink, too? I was suddenly very aware that Armin had been standing next to me both times Levi offered me a drink and hadn’t said a word to him either of them. I was beginning to seriously regret wearing a sweater, tugging on the V-neck a little in hopes of cooling my skin a tad. I dared to glance down at him and met his eyes, those enthralling glacier-blue eyes. I wanted to look away, but his steady gaze held me there, his pupils blown in the dim lighting. I was transfixed.

Until he spoke.

“You trying to shit while standing, or does it actually take you that long to think of a drink?”

_Right. A drink._

“Rum and coke,” I said.

“You actually going to drink this one?” His tone was almost parental.

“It’s my favorite,” I informed him.

He looked at me and gave a thoughtful hum. “Go ahead and join your shitty friends. I’ll be there when it’s up.”

He spun around to draw Mike’s attention (I had no idea where Hanji had disappeared to) and I finally faced Armin, who was grinning. I ignored him and walked straight to the booth in the back corner, greeting my friends with a generic, “Hey, guys, what’s up?”

“Eren!” Reiner called, to which various shouts of ‘hey’ and ‘how ya been?’ followed. Bertolt scooted closer to Reiner to make room for me on the end, and I caught Jean’s eye from where he was now seated in the middle of the group. He looked away sulkily, and I silently thanked Armin for his people skills as he took up a seat opposite of me, next to Sasha, who was staring forlornly at an empty basket of what, I assumed, had been tortilla chips. “Have you guys ordered anything?” I asked.

“Not yet.” Connie supplied. “We were waiting for you, man.”

“Yeah, well,” I shot a look at Jean, “it wasn’t exactly my fault I got caught up.”

“It’s cool,” he said looking around the bustling crowd. “But now that you’re here, let’s flag down a waiter. I’m starving.”

“Yes! Food!” Sasha suddenly shouted, eyes ablaze. I couldn’t help but smile. Sasha was kind of insane when it came to food—in a scary way. But I had known her long enough now that it just made me laugh.

“So, Armin, how’s your new book coming?” Bertolt questioned.

“Oh, it’s—”

“A mess.” Levi’s low voice cut him off as he appeared at the end of the table, setting my rum and coke in front of me. He walked away again briefly to the nearest table that had an empty chair, simply snatching it up without asking if it was being used, causing the couple sitting there to pause their conversation and gawk at him. He came back and set it down on the end, right between Armin and me.

Somehow the action triggered something in me, and I felt the nervous ball in my gut loosen a bit. Regardless of whether he was hot, or talked about me, or liked me, he was still the same Levi I’d known for over a year. Which meant he was an ass.

“Did you even ask for that?” My voice was critical.

“They weren’t using it.” He replied.

“How do you know that if you didn’t ask?” I retorted.

“I observed. You should try it sometime. You would run into a lot less walls.”

Damn. He had a point with that one. “You should still ask. It’s polite.”

“I don’t give a fuck about being polite to some strangers in a bar.” That, I did not doubt. “However, aren’t you the one being impolite right now since you still haven’t introduced me to your friends, brat?”

I looked around the to find everyone except Jean and Armin staring at us somewhat warily. Crap. I had totally forgotten that most of them had no clue who Levi was, which meant from their perspective, a short, grumpy stranger had just walked up, insulted Armin’s book, stolen a chair, and proceeded to banter with me. I looked to Armin, somewhat panicked. I just knew that if I tried to explain Levi, I’d fuck it up.

Fortunately, he took the hint. “Sorry, everyone.” All eyes shifted to him—even Jean finally over. “This is Levi, my editor. I invited him to come out with us. He’s the friend I told you about who knows the owner.” Everyone still looked a little guarded, but Connie spoke up nonetheless.

“Hey, dude. I’m Connie. Nice to meet you!” He lifted himself up and leaned across the table, his hand extended. Levi stared at the appendage as though he had offered a dead rat. I intervened, rolling my eyes.

“Connie, unless you have a bucket of Purell at your disposal, he’s not going to shake it.” Levi glared at me like I’d just exposed his darkest secret, and I returned one that said ‘really?’ He hardly kept his obsession with cleanliness a state secret. In fact, thinking about it, this was probably the only bar he’d set foot in without a biohazard suit.

Connie withdrew his hand, looking rather confused, and Reiner spoke up introducing himself. Levi nodded at him, and the others soon followed suit. Except Jean, who now was once again glaring angrily at Levi.

“Where are Ymir and Krista?” I asked, suddenly realizing their absence.

“Date night.” Reiner answered. His voice seemed to hold the slightest bit of irritation, but I decided to disregard it for the time being.

“And Annie?”

“Didn’t want to come.” Bertolt answered this time.

“Ah.” That wasn’t really unusual for her, but I was still a little disappointed. Annie was always cool and rational and was good at talking people down. With the hole Jean was attempting to burn through Levi, we could probably use that tonight.

“Hey,” Jean finally spoke up, and I tensed, afraid of what words were about to follow. “I know it’s just in your nature to be an asshole, but you don’t have to be so rude to Armin in front of his friends.” I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, and started to wrack my brain, but Levi was much sharper.

“What, kid? You got a problem with me being honest? His book _is_ a mess right now. I never said it wasn’t good. It just needs work before it hits the press. All of them do. I am not singling him out.” Levi’s bluntness was something Armin and I were used to, but you could tell the others weren’t quite sure what to do with it. Jean was the only one who dared counter him.

“Bertolt wasn’t even talking to you!” Bertolt flinched at the mention of his name, and did his best to shrink back into the booth. Reiner shot Jean a warning look, but he pressed on. “We all want to hear what _Armin_ has to say about it. You can just shut the fu—”

“WHO WANTS APPETIZERS!” A booming voice demanded, more than questioned, as Hanji appeared with a massive plate of nachos.

“Um, we didn’t order these.” Armin told her softly, even as Sasha practically dove face-first into them.

“I know!” She chirped. “Don’t worry about it. They’re on the house.” She winked at me and then turned her attention back to the group. “Can I get anything else for you guys?” Her intense stare bore into Jean, and he quickly picked up his menu to shield himself a bit before ordering a couple quesadillas for the group. Apparently the only thing about this place that qualified the name was the food. Reiner then ordered beer for the group and Hanji took everything down, giving Jean one of the most bone-chilling smiles I’d ever seen before she left.

The atmosphere she left behind was a tense one. I took a couple long drinks of my rum and coke, knowing it was probably unwise to put too much alcohol in my empty stomach, but rather beyond the point of caring. Armin finally spoke up.

“Jean, I appreciate you sticking up for me, but it really isn’t necessary. Levi is brilliant at his job.” He glanced over at Levi a bit cautiously before stating a necessary truth. “He comes off as rough around the edges, but there isn’t anyone in the company who produces sell-rates like he does. It’s really thanks to him that I’ve done so well since the beginning. He makes really helpful critiques, and the criticism is usually warranted. My book _is_ kind of a mess right now.” He laughed lightly and looked at Levi, who was scowling, but otherwise didn’t look perturbed. “I think it’s going to turn out really well after I work in the edits Levi has suggested, though!”

“What’s it about again?” Connie asked. “I remember you telling us a little as you were writing it, but I never really got the whole picture.”

“It’s a fantasy.” Levi said. “You can wait to find out the rest when you read it.” Levi’s tone was one of finality, and Armin simply shrugged apologetically.

“Connie, you should know by now that I can never say too much before publication. I’m afraid Levi likes to keep the subjects of the books he edits to a limited few until they print. This late in the game it shouldn’t make much difference, but he likes to be cautious because of those who might steal something before it’s copyrighted.”

The others nodded their heads in understanding, Reiner and Bertolt’s expressions softening some as they looked in Levi’s direction. The atmosphere was slowly diffusing. So of course I had to open my big mouth.

“I know what it’s about,” I gloated.

“What! That’s not fair!” Connie exclaimed, just then a couple of waiters showed up—one with drinks, one with food. Sasha was actually drooling a little bit and Levi sipped his wine and eyed her with distaste.

“I guess it’s just one of the perks of knowing the right people.”

“Yeah?” Jean’s voice sounded cold and bitter in my ears. “What other _perks_ are you getting, Eren?”

I stared at him blankly, not catching onto what he was getting at. “What are you talking about, Jean?”

“Do I need to spell it out for you, Yeager?” He looked at me for a long moment before sliding his eyes over to Levi. I followed suit.

Levi briefly studied Jean before setting his glass down and gingerly placing his elbows on the edge of the table, nose wrinkling as he gave it a glance before setting his chin on his hands and giving all his attention to Jean.

“What, _kid_. You jealous?”

The din of chatter, laughter, music, glasses, and silverware all suddenly disappeared—like someone had hit a mute button. Silence, thick and oppressive lay over our table and my brain slowly churned to comprehend what Levi was implying. _Holy shit_. What _Jean_ had implied.

“No! No—” Jean slammed his hands down on the table, cutting me off and startling half its occupants.

“Who’s up for shots?” he yelled. For once, he said something I could get behind.

I spoke up. “Yes! Shots! Shots sound good.”

Levi straightened up and looked at me. I suddenly found it hard to meet those icy-blue eyes. “I’ve got it, then.” He got up and briskly walked towards the front. _Was he buying these, too? And what the fuck was that?_ I was beginning to think getting plastered wasn’t such a bad idea. Forget work.

I tossed back the rest of my drink and turned to Jean. “Look,” I told him. “I know you and I have problems, and I know Levi is an ass. I’ll be the first to admit it, but…” I sighed, trying to reign in the worst of my anger. “Can you just shut the fuck up so the rest of us can _try_ to have a nice time? He’s not so bad if you just give him a chance.”

Jean looked like he debated with himself for a moment before grinding out, “Fine.”

Satisfied, I looked towards the front of the bar to see Levi coming back with a tray of drinks carefully balanced on splayed fingers, looking like the hottest fucking waiter that ever lived. For the first time I noticed his appearance. And, _holy shit how did I not notice it earlier?_ He was dressed in a black button-up, the first few undone, giving me a glimpse of his pale chest. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. The shirt was tucked into a pair of dark blue skinny jeans that clung to his legs like a second skin. A spike of arousal went through me and the blush I’d finally gotten rid of flamed back to life. I literally could not handle it, I snatched a shot off the tray and threw it back before muttering something about needing to use the restroom and all but fled in a random direction I hoped they happened to be in. For once in my life, luck was on my side and I ducked into the men’s room, pressing my back against the door when it closed and willed my heartbeat to slow.

Which was difficult with that image of him in the forefront of my mind’s eye. Black dress shirts looked fucking good on everyone, but on _him_. And those _pants_. Hell, those should not have even been legal… _Eren, stop thinking about it!_ I yelled at myself as I felt another twitch of desire. I needed to calm the fuck down. _But how am I suppose to calm the fuck down when I know I’m going to see him again the second I step out?_

Without conscious thought, my hand drifted to palm myself through my pants. Only for me to jerk it back when I registered what I was doing. _This is not helping._ I bit my lips to suppress a groan. I tilted my head back and let it thump against the wood. And then I was falling backwards, because someone was opening the door, and I had been leaning against it like a dumbass. I stumbled backwards, only to feel a pair of strong hands grab my waist and steady me.

“Eren?” Came a gut-chillingly familiar flat voice. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Everything froze. It was so different from when he gripped my arm earlier. My muscles locked up and my brain shut down. I couldn’t process anything except _his hands_. His hands which were still clamped around my waist, still holding me up (because I’d forgotten how to balance), and slowly leeching heat from my body because even through my sweater _holy crap his hands are fucking freezing_. It was enough to jolt me into movement and I quickly tore myself out of his grasp and sprang away, stuttering apologies and running back to the table I had been running from only a few minutes previous.

After Levi came back from the bathroom I did everything in my power not to look at him. I tried to focus on the music playing overhead to keep myself from turning towards the sound of his voice. Even when he made a comment I knew was directed at me, I talked to Bertolt or Reiner or someone and pretended not to hear. The others seemed to warm up to him as the night went on and learned to laugh or parry his sarcastic remarks. Hanji brought Levi a bill and I tried to push some money on him, still refusing to meet his eyes, but he just slapped my hand away and reiterated that he was paying. I breathed a sigh of relief when he finally stood up and said he needed to be leaving, telling Armin he’d be over Thursday. I finally risked looking over at him again, only to find him staring straight at me. I quickly looked away, but not before trailing my eyes down his torso one last time. I cleared my throat.

“Thanks… for the drinks.” I said just loud enough to be heard.

He smirked. “I hardly think that that first one counts.”

The reminder made me blush again for the millionth time that evening and I could just imagine the way Levi’s smirk grew. “I’ll see you Thursday, too, brat. Drink some water before you go to bed.”

And with that, he left. Everything after that seemed low-key in comparison. Jean spouted some more bullshit, Bertolt talked about some hike he and Reiner were going to go on next weekend, Sasha shoved food down her throat like it was her last meal. I just sat there and only sort of listened, sipping at a couple of beers and eventually finding myself in the drowsy state I had been hoping for. I spent the rest of the evening trying to fight off mental images of Levi in those pants, and what he might look like out of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other news, I kept procrastinating on this chapter by writing future scenes. Are you guys excited for the future ereri sexy times? Because I am. :D
> 
> Also, sorry there wasn't too much interaction with the other characters this round. I intend to delve more into them in the future. This was just an introduction. Jean and Levi kinda stole the show.
> 
> LET ME KNOW IF THERE ARE TYPOS. I spend a really long time going through my stuff over and over again, but I still end up finding errors even after I've posted. *sigh*
> 
> Lastly, don't expect another update to happen as quickly as this one did. Another chapter will happen eventually, but I'm going to take my time with it. Thanks for reading, you're all wonderful!
> 
> I might have made a [comic](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/post/69826008159/my-comic-for-chapter-3-of-sometimes-couldnt) of Eren with the basket of tortilla chips. I'm not very good.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren gets a surprise at work and contemplates writing a book of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos/comments/bookmarks guys!! They keep me going!
> 
> So, of course, because I said I'd take my time, I cranked this out faster than any other chapter so far. I'm sorry if it's a little dull compared to the previous chapters. It's mostly in Eren's head, but it needed to happen in order to transition into other things later on. Next chapter will feature discussion of Levi and Armin's annual Christmas Gala at the publisher's, Mikasa coming over for Thanksgiving, and more time with the gang. Then we get to the goooood stuff, if you know what I mean (so excited for serious ereri moments). ;)

Thanks to the attention I paid to Levi’s surprisingly thoughtful advice about staying hydrated, Monday morning wasn’t as excruciating as it could have been. I was still dead tired, and had a weak headache, but that was more due to a lack of caffeine than overconsumption of booze. The first few days of the week were rather boring. After the weekend, my mind was left with plenty to chew on concerning the meaning Levi and I had to one another.

Monday I could only think of the way Levi’s deep voice rumbled when he said, “ _What,_ kid. _You jealous?”_ Both then and afterwards, I couldn’t believe that Levi had openly goaded Jean that way. Maybe I had been too harsh on Jean.

 _“What other_ perks _are you getting, Eren?”_

Well, maybe not.

What really astounded me was how juvenile the exchange had been. I expected as much from Jean, but Levi—especially now that I knew his age—I expected… well, not necessarily better, but something different. Levi didn’t show much emotion. He didn’t seem hot-headed like Jean or me. He was cold and calculating, but there was a rashness there all the same. I’d just never noticed it before.

Tuesday, my mind jumped backwards to the beginning of the night. The way I might have seen Levi blush at Hanji’s words—though for all I knew it could have been from the alcohol, if it was there at all. I could remember the gravity in Levi’s voice clearly as I thought back to when he had lunged to grab Hanji and stop her from saying something I couldn’t properly recall now, no matter how hard I tried. She called me cute again, I remembered that. But what had she been about to say that Levi was so desperate to cut off? I could not bring myself to think of it as anything other than evidence that he was interested. I was typically one to deny other people’s interest in me, but after everything Armin had told me, after learning that Levi talked to Hanji about me, I just couldn’t imagine it was something else. I supposed he could have said some really nasty things about me, but that didn’t fit with the way Hanji was acting.

I spent so much time trying to think of other reasons that I made more errors than usual and had to retrace my steps through our database so many times I hardly got anything done. Of course, it would have been a lot easier and faster to correct those things if the program we used wasn’t an ancient piece of shit, but it was what it was. Whining just wasted more time.

Then there was today, Wednesday. I had a stack of packing slips three inches high to enter into the computer, but I’d been staring at my coffee cup blankly for the last ten minutes as I recalled falling into Levi’s arms. I’d been so panicked at that time that the only thing I could register were his hands wrapped around my waist, but thinking back on it, I remembered his eyes. Those fucking pretty light blue eyes of his that had been far too close as I looked up at him. So close that I could see the little cobalt flecks in them. Eyelashes that were dark and thick framed those eyes, which had been full of bewilderment and irritation, and maybe something else, at the time.

_I really need to stop torturing myself like this._

I sighed heavily. In honesty, I’d been kind of depressed since Sunday. I didn’t know why. Maybe because I had wanted something to happen and it didn’t. Or maybe because some things sort of happened, but they fell more along the lines of teasing and charity than romance. It was stupid. I had absolutely no reason to expect anything from Levi, yet here I was, three days later, pouting because things were exactly the same. _Is that so bad?_ I couldn’t help but listen to the voice that rose in the back of my head. _What if you’re misreading the situation? Armin could be wrong; that_ does _happen sometimes. What if you fuck it up and then he refuses to talk to you anymore? Is anything wrong with things staying as they are?_

I gave the questions running through my head serious thought, my thumbnail lightly scratching at the edge of the cardboard sleeve around my drink.

I could just try to avoid him for a while until I calmed down. These feelings would probably fade, right? I could stay in my room when he came over, and eventually I’d stop imagining slamming him against the wall and kissing him senseless. We could eventually go back to the times were I made him coffee, and he insulted me, and then I ignored him and watched TV, no thoughts of fucking him on the couch crossing my mind. I thought I could probably do that. Maybe.

_But._

That one word entered my head, and I felt my heart burn.

_But I really don’t want to._

There were so many reasons to not try to go down that path. It could mess up Levi’s relationship with Armin. It could end the… friendship (if the petty banter that pretty much defined any interaction between us could be called friendship) Levi and I had. Maybe it was more of camaraderie. Fuck if I could label it, but whatever it was I didn’t want to lose it. And then there was the Jean complication. There was also the fact that I knew almost nothing about Levi. And two interested parties did not a lasting relationship make. Other things have to line up, too. Otherwise you got a couple like Jean and me, who had plenty of chemistry, but our values were so different that over time our relationship deteriorated into nothing but bitter fights. I could name more reasons.

No matter how long my ‘cons’ list was, though, I just knew that if I didn’t try, I’d regret it. Maybe there was nothing between us. Maybe I was reading too much into things. But the way he touched me, the way he taunted Jean, the way he nearly strangled Hanji… all these things kept coming back to me and I knew I wasn’t ready to give up just yet. I wouldn’t say anything (intentionally)—I really didn’t want to mess things up between us—but I could get to know him better. I could get close to him. Spend more time with him casually. If I did that, maybe I could figure some things out.

I looked up as a car pulled into our small lot, realizing I was being a terrible employee and had done almost nothing so far. I placed my coffee cup off to the side and grabbed a few packing slips, figuring I should at least pretend to look busy for the sake of whoever was about to walk in the door. If they were going to come in. I was actually wondering if the person was lost. People got surprisingly turned around in our complex of small businesses and this car was too nice to be looking for construction equipment. People didn’t just drive their sleek black Porsches to throw a bunch of equipment in the back. Though it could be some supervisor from another company to talk about a job. They sometimes showed up without an appointment. Or no one told me someone was coming. That happened, too, much to my irritation. Or maybe in was just a solicitor. Probably that one. _Fuck._ I hated solicitors. I never knew how to politely tell them to peddle their shit elsewhere, and frequently ended up needing to be rescued by Petra or Keith. Hell, half the time when Keith saved me, he didn’t even do anything. He’d walk in to tell me something and the salesperson would just turn around and leave. I couldn't blame them. The man looked fucking terrifying.

I took another look at the car, and noticed it had darkly tinted windows. _It’s just like Levi’s._ I had seen his car enough times in our apartment parking lot to be well acquainted with it. Even with that thought fresh in my mind, my jaw still went slack when a short, black-haired man stepped out.

It _was_ Levi.

_What the hell is he doing here? You cannot tell me he is here for construction. Is he here for me? Have I even mentioned where I work? He knows I work for a small construction company in the area. This city isn’t that big, there can’t be that many places that fit that description… Wait, why would he come looking for me? He couldn’t be here to see me. He sees me all the time. He even said he’d see me tomorrow Sunday night, so he couldn’t have been planning this then, could he? But if he’s not here to see me, why the fuck is he here?_

My thoughts were flying a mile a minute, my breathing suddenly coming hard and fast. As Levi shut his car door and began taking steps to the front door, I jumped up out of my chair, half tripping over it in my desperation to flee to the bathroom. _Shit, why do I always run to the bathroom? This is pathetic…_ I thought even as I ridiculed myself for my absurd, childish, and unprofessional behavior. Petra was probably wondering if I was going to vomit from the way I raced past her office, holding a hand to my mouth. Seriously, why was I running? It was just Levi. I’d rather deal with him than a salesperson, and yet here I was, fleeing.  _Was I really thinking I could act like a normal person a minute ago? Why can’t I act my fucking age for once?_

I succeed in making it to the bathroom in the lunchroom closet (why there was a bathroom in a closet, I would never know) and flipped on the switch so I could see. Unfortunately for me today, that meant the fan also automatically came on, drowning out anything I might have been able to here through the door.

I turned to the sink, and was grateful I had hid myself away when I saw how red my cheeks were. If they got any brighter, I would give a tomato a run for its money. I twisted the knob of the cold water and splashed some of it over my face, trying to force the blush down. I could only imagine the things Levi would say to mock me if he saw me like this. Which was a really shitty train of thought because it only made me blush more. I brought a few more handfuls of ice-cold water to my face and forced myself to think of boring things I had to get done by the end of the day before grabbing some towels and patting my skin dry. My cheeks were still pink, but that was now probably more due to the cold water than my panic and mortification. I took a few deep breaths. I could handle this. He might even be gone by now. It was just Levi. Sure, he’d bought me a few drinks and apparently talked to other people about me, but that didn’t mean for sure that anything was there. I should just act casual. Well, as casual as I could manage.

I turned off the fan and shuffled out of the bathroom, cracking the closet door to peek into the lunch area, listening. No one was there, and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, opening the door and somewhat cautiously making my way back to my office. I could hear Petra talking animatedly. That wasn’t unusual, from what I had seen. She took or made personal calls all the time, not to mention the texting.

I actually hadn’t been with Trost all that long—only about three months. Their previous accountant had screwed them over by lying to everyone about their funds and hadn’t paid federal taxes in over a year. Needless to say, his ass was fired. Petra then moved into the role of accountant and they started looking for a new office manager, who ended up being me. It wasn’t thrilling work, but it paid well enough and you could accumulate paid vacation time pretty quickly. And it meant I could finally put that business degree I earned to work. Sort of. Okay, not really. I should have majored in computer programming. Everything Trost used was cutting edge a decade ago and had a million quirks and flaws as a result. Then I might be able to make their shit usable. That would actually be useful.

Lost in thought, I didn’t even glance Petra’s way as I walked past her door.

“Brat?”

I froze in my steps. I’d actually managed to forget why I’d left my office in the first place amid my thoughts of crappy computer programs. I turned to find Levi just inside Petra’s office, leaning against the wall.

“Uh, hey Levi.” This felt very awkward.

“You work here.” It wasn’t a question.

“Y-Yeah…” Shit. Why did I always get tongue-tied whenever I was around him now? I had just been musing about how nothing had changed between us, so why was I acting like it had?

“Hm, I guess I should have put that together. There aren’t exactly a lot of small construction companies in this town. Still, when Petra told me they hired some kid, I never thought it’d be you. Guess you must have a brain past that thick skull of yours after all.”

“You—you know Petra?” Why did I feel like I should have expected that? Almost like I knew it already. Suddenly it hit me. _“I heard from one of his coworkers when he was first assigned to me that he had just broken up with some girl named Petra…”_

 _HOLY SHIT! HOW DID I NOT PUT THAT TOGETHER BEFORE?_ I could not believe how colossally dense I was to not even once have it occur to me that the Petra Armin mentioned might be the Petra I worked with. Honestly, how many Petras could be wandering around? It wasn’t exactly a common name.

I focused back in on Levi and Petra, coming out of my thoughts, only to find both of them giving me very strange looks—Levi was looking at me like I was deranged, and Petra looked embarrassed. Finally, Levi let out a soft hiss of breath and spoke up.

“Those damn nosy coworkers just can’t let people’s personal lives stay personal, can they? I’m guessing some hag overheard something she shouldn’t have and told Armin, who told you. That sound about right brat?” I fidgeted as his eyes cut into me, but strangely, he didn’t seem angry. His tone was resigned, like he expected it.

“Shit.” The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it. I had spoken what was supposed to be in my head out loud. Again. _Shit._ I wasn’t even that tired. _Why me?_ I knew I was red. For a long, drawn out moment I grappled with language, struggling for a response. Eventually I just mirrored Levi’s own words rather ashamedly. I was a shit liar, anyways. “Something like that…” I muttered, now feeling a bit guilty even though it wasn’t really my fault. Petra must have noticed my discomfort because she finally joined in the conversation.

“Don’t worry about it, Eren.” She spoke warmly to me. “It’s not like it was a secret. As you can probably guess, Levi and I are still close friends. He drops by to say hi to Oluo and me every so often. You don’t have to feel awkward.” She smiled warmly, and I felt some of the tension in my body loosen.

“I don’t think he knows how to do that.” Levi spoke flatly, giving me a rather critical look. I suddenly didn’t want to be a part of this conversation anymore.

“I’m just going to go back to work,” I sighed. Levi smirked. _Always so damn cocky. Why does that have to be so hot?_ A jolt of panic went through me for just a moment, as I was unsure that had been in my mind. Fortunately, I seemed to have collected myself and was back to keeping my thoughts in my head, where they belonged. Maybe it would be a good time for a lunch break. I glanced at the clock. 10:13. _Damn. Coffee break?_ I looked at the half full cup on my desk. _Well, shit_. I sat myself back in my chair and pulled the packing slips I had been ignoring all morning to my lap, and tried desperately hard to ignore what Petra and Levi were talking about, not fifteen feet from where I sat. I wanted to get up and close the door, but that door was literally never closed during operating hours and it would appear rude. Not to mention make things even more awkward than they already were. I had already done a fine job of making things weird. I could write a book myself: “How To Make Any Situation Uncomfortable, by Eren Yaeger.” _Right. Because that would sell._

Mercifully, it was only a second after I’d settled myself and opened the database that the heating system decided to roar to life, muffling speech from the open door. It didn’t stop me from catching clips of Levi’s low voice, however, which was rough and melodic in my ears. Just because his voice didn’t carry emotion very often didn’t mean it was toneless. It had pleasing dips and crests as he spoke—minute, but noticeable if you were really listening. The low pitches were what really got under my skin. _I wonder if that’s what he sounds like in—_ I frantically shuffled through the papers in my lap completely uselessly, just to give myself something to do to stop that thought from being completed. I _could not_ get a hard on a work. No. That was not happening. Especially with the inspiration for it standing right there.

Actually, literally, right there—because apparently he had finished his conversation with Petra and was now standing right in front of my desk, staring at me.

I needed to start wearing some of that skin-colored makeup girls used on my cheeks.

I tried not to fidget too much in my chair, feeling his eyes on me as I absentmindedly tapped the papers in my lap to straighten them.

“So, brat, you going to manage to keep your job this time?” I stopped my paper shuffling and locked my gaze on him, seething, all shyness forgotten. _How dare he… He doesn’t even know what he’s fucking talking about!_

“Fuck off, Levi.” I spat the words before I even registered what I was saying, forgetting that Petra might be able to hear us despite the obnoxious rumble of the heating vent.

He must have been taken aback by that, because even though his expression didn’t change, he regarded me for a long moment before speaking again. “Didn’t realize it was a touchy subject.” He spoke the words quietly, and I felt my anger deflate as quickly as it had swelled. _That’s right. Levi has absolutely no reason to know not to mention that._ Hell, I never even really told Armin or Mikasa what happened. It was too embarrassing; too stupid. At 26, I really should have been able to control my anger better, but some things triggered me so fast I didn’t have time to stop my actions. They happened as a reflex.

I shifted my eyes to look out the window, eyes sweeping over his car, not really seeing it. I needed a new subject. The bar popped into my head yet again and did much to sweep away the dark mood of a moment ago. A spark of anticipation lit within me as I asked the question that had crossed my mind more than once in the last few days.

“Are you coming out with us this weekend?” I hoped I didn’t sound too hopeful.

“I can’t, brat. Some of us don’t get to slack off every weekend like you.”

“You work on the weekends?” This information was new to me. Then again, most information surrounding Levi was.

“Yeah. It’s shit sometimes, but if I’m not caught up on my reading or paperwork, the deadlines aren’t going to magically move themselves back.”

“But you’re a managing editor. Doesn’t that mean you can change the deadlines?”

“I could. But there’s a reason I’ve been as successful as I am. It’s because I get things done. Unlike some brat I know,” he said, eyeing the stacks of papers scattered all over my desk. I glanced at the tornado-esque state of my work area, then looked back to him, feeling yet another blush creep up on me as I noticed the light dancing in his eyes.

“I get stuff done!” I protested rather childishly.

“Taking hourly shits doesn’t count as getting stuff done.” He didn’t leave me an ounce of space to protest his comment as he kept speaking, shifting his attention to the door handle and frowning at it. “I need to go back. Eren, do me a favor and clean this fucking place. Then clean it again, because I know you’ll do a shitty job the first time. Then the next time I come here maybe I won’t need to take a shower immediately afterwards.” I honestly wasn’t sure if he was serious about that last part or not, but I was rather concerned that he was. Instead of touching the door, he pushed it open with his foot.

I stopped him, “How long do I have?”

“What brat?” He seemed annoyed to be held up any longer.

“How long do I have to get this place clean before you come back?”

I thought I saw the corner of his mouth twitch. “A week.”

 _How generous of him_. And really, it was. He could have been cruel and told me he was coming back tomorrow. A week I could probably manage. _Maybe he’s more serious about actually having this place clean than I thought._

“Yes, sir,” I replied, unable to hold the mischief from my features.

He scoffed. “Shut it, shitty brat.” With that he opened the door the rest of the way and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, please alert me to errors so I can fix them. I welcome your comments! I love hearing from people.
> 
> Also, I end up writing in Levi's POV when I get stuck in the narrative. Any interest in an aside on him? If there is I'm might put one up at some point... Maybe I will, regardless. Idk.
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren finds out Levi has hit on him before and Armin and he get an early Thanksgiving surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, new chapter!
> 
> So sorry it has been so long. For my long list of excuses, see the notes at the end of the chapter. For now, suffice it to say I'm sorry if I kept you waiting! I wanted more to happen in this chapter, but it's been such a while that I thought I would just update instead and save the rest for the next chapter! Hope that's okay.
> 
> Furthermore, I hope this is even fractionally worth the wait. Sorry for the minimal amount of Levi. You have no idea how much I want it to be all Levi and Eren all the time. It's coming, believe me. I have PAGES of it already written.
> 
> Also, thank you to all those who take the time to comment or otherwise give attention to this fic. All of it makes me really happy. I love hearing from people!

By the time I pushed open the door to the apartment Thursday evening, I was a little breathless with nerves. I knew Levi would already be there, though they usually took care of business in Armin’s room rather than the living room. Levi’s insistence on this had something to do with “shitty brats making a mess and being loud.” Of course, by “shitty brats,” he was solely referring to me. The next time he came over I was sorely tempted to get him well acquainted with my iPod while I strew papers from work everywhere to the point of being unable to sit down. I was stopped by a combination of recognition that I would then actually have to clean up said papers and the fact the noise would legitimately disrupt his work with Armin. I wasn’t so immature that I’d hinder my friend’s business. Upon later reflection, I also realized I probably didn’t want to piss Levi off that much. And if I would have regretted it then, I most certainly would be regretting it now.

Despite the impression I gave off, I did think most of the time before I took action or spoke. If I was tired, surprised, or upset I might spout off something before I realized it (that seemed to be happening a lot lately), but under the majority of circumstances, I did give due consideration to things before they left my mouth.

The reason most people believed I never thought before speaking or acting was that the result was typically the same.

It wasn’t that I wanted to be perceived as rash, but I had a strong sense of who I was and I didn’t like to mince words for the sake of other people. In exchange, I expected others to do the same for me. Maybe that was one of the reasons I was so attracted to Levi. It wasn’t just that he had a fucking fantastic body. I genuinely liked him as a person. He was rude—I liked to think that I had some tact when I spoke my mind—but he was honest. I respected that. I would even go so far as to say I liked that about him, even with the ‘little shits’, ‘brats’, and defecation references included.

Much to my surprise, instead of being upstairs, Levi and Armin were actually chatting not far inside the entryway. Armin was propped up against the sofa and Levi stood in front of him, weight on one leg.

“I heard they’re using the top floor suite this year,” Armin was saying.

“Yeah, they are.” Levi replied. “Now people have twice as much time to fuck each other before the elevator arrives.” Unbidden, the image of Levi holding me up against the elevator wall of Survey Publishing flooded my mind and I was suddenly extremely grateful for the cold outside that gave me the perfect excuse for my reddened cheeks.

I shook my head in an attempt to dispel the image and instead latched on to the topic of conversation. “You talking about the Gala?” I asked, shucking off my coat and hanging it by the door. Every year Survey Publishers Corp put on a huge gala for all their staff and the writers and agents they worked with. And their plus ones, if they liked. Last year I had gone with Armin, even though he had plenty of friends there already, he had somehow talked me into dressing up nicely and going with him. It wasn’t that bad. I felt awkward knowingly literally two people in the hundred or so milling about, but the food had been fantastic and the open bar did a lot to make up for the fact I did not fucking care that So-And-So, the best-seller, was coming out with Such-And-Such, and Mr. Who-Gives-A-Shit was going to be on Some-Talk-Show, etc. etc.

“Yes,” Levi replied. “Speaking of which, are you coming this year, shitty brat?”

“No,” I said as Armin simultaneously answered, “Yes.”

I looked over at Armin in befuddlement, but Armin was looking at Levi. “He’s going,” he told him.

“Since when?” I wasn’t protesting exactly, but Armin hadn’t spoken a word of this thing to me. I didn’t even know what fucking day it was on. And, honestly, once had been enough.

Armin looked at me like I had said something stupid. “I’m not going by myself,” he stated simply, ignoring my question.

“Why not? You’ve got plenty of friends there, and actually care about what people are doing. We hardly said two sentences to each other the whole night last year. I was like a board of wood propped next to you the whole time that you occasionally introduced. It wasn’t exactly fun.” My words came out pointed. It really wasn’t that big of a deal, but I was irritated that Armin had just decided this for me. He was usually more considerate than that.

“Please, Eren? It would mean a lot to me to have you there. I’ll even compensate you for it later.” That usually meant treating me to food. The Gala would have delicious food. If I wanted good food, that would be compensation enough. No; that wasn’t going to cut it this time.

I sighed. “I really don’t get why you’re being so insistent on this, Armin.”

“Well, while I’d love to watch you two girls bicker for the rest of the evening,” Levi cut into our squabble, “I actually want to go home before midnight. Armin, you can just text me to let me know if you’re going to be bringing this idiot or not.” Levi turned around to get his coat.

As soon as his back was to us, Armin nudged me in the ribs and darted his eyes over where Levi was shrugging into his jacket and then looked back to me meaningfully. He did it a second time to emphasize the point. I slammed a hand to my forehead, suddenly feeling colossally stupid. Of course this wasn’t just about Armin begging for my company at some shitty party. This was about Levi. He was trying to set me up to spend time with Levi.

Said man turned back around and I cleared my throat. “I’ll go,” I told him.

He raised one slender eyebrow at my sudden change of heart, but chose not to comment, “I’ll make sure they know, then,” he said, nodding to Armin before slipping out the door without a backward glance.

I waited a moment or two to make sure Levi was gone before rounding on Armin. “What the fuck, Armin?” I exclaimed, indignant. “Why didn’t you warn me?”

Armin smiled apologetically. “Sorry, Eren. I completely forgot about it until he brought it up just now. But things would’ve been a whole lot less awkward if you had just rolled with it.”

“Armin, I don’t think you realize how excruciatingly painful it was for me last year.” I might have been exaggerating a little bit.

“Yeah, but you weren’t single last year,” he said, walking towards the kitchen and gesturing for me to go sit down at the little table shoved off to the side with him.  “You were oblivious to the fact that Levi kept close to you the majority of the night.”

“Are you sure he wasn’t just sticking close to you?” I asked. “You know, the person he works with.”

“He hit on you, Eren.” Armin threw this information out like it was already apparent.

“He what?” It was a question, but my voice was flat. Armin had told me a number of things about Levi’s behavior that had surprised me, plus there was what I had learned from his interaction with Hanji, but what Armin was saying didn’t make any sense. I had gotten a little tipsy, sure, but I swear I could remember the night in its entirety, and while that did include talking to Levi, I did not recall Levi hitting on me.

“He hit on you.” Armin repeated.

“I know what you said,” I snapped. “How? When? What? I remember no such thing.”

“I know you don’t,” he replied. “Like I said, you were oblivious. And, if I’m being frank about it, he wasn’t very good at it. If he had done it to anyone but you, it would have been really obvious. But you may not have realized it even if you were available and sober.”

I was torn between disbelief and curiosity. Part of me wanted to just dismiss what Armin claimed as bullshit. The other, stronger, part wanted to know what Armin thought counted as him hitting on me. I placed an elbow on the table and leaned my head into my fisted hand. “What did he say?”

Armin pounced on the question like he’d just been waiting for the cue. “First off, let me say that Levi was definitely not in his right state of mind. You may have not realized it, but even being in the middle of the business, he’s no friendlier with his coworkers than anyone else. He tends to stick by himself unless approached by others. Actually, he probably hates the Gala more than you. It’s the handshaking.” I nodded my head. Sadly, I knew that would be more than enough to ruin an event for Levi. Sometimes I felt bad for him. If I ever said that to his face, though, I was pretty sure he’d kill me. “Anyway, he had definitely been drinking and came up to us.” I must have been giving Armin a weird look because he clarified, “Yes, I was standing right there when he did this. He didn’t seem to care.” This story was becoming less believable by the second. I made no attempt to hide the skepticism on my face. “I swear this happened, Eren, but if you don’t believe me now, you’re really not going to believe me when I tell you what he actually did…”

“Armin, just tell me already!” I was rapidly growing weary of the build-up.

“Right. He came over and said something like, ‘You look really fucking good, brat. You been working out?’ At which point he grabs your bicep and starts feeling you up, and you answered that you had, and he moved to your other arm and after he was finished groping that one, he gave you this look like he was going to… I don’t know, eat you or something, and said, ‘Not bad.’”

I strained my mind, thinking back. I definitely remembered that conversation with Levi, but the details were a little fuzzy. Even if what Armin said happened was the truth, though, I still didn’t see what the big deal was.

My brows knitted slightly as I responded, “Armin, I _had_ been working out.”

Armin let out a frustrated sigh. “That’s not the point, Eren!”

“Then what is the point? I really don’t think somebody commenting on me working out when I had been counts as hitting on me.”

Armin fixed me with one of his placating looks. “Okay, let’s say that’s true for a moment, because you might actually be right on that one. However, most people don’t ask that question and then _fondle your biceps_ without permission. Nor do they look at you like you’re their next meal. But like I said, it was such a bad attempt at flirting, and you’re so bad at recognizing it, that you probably wouldn’t have realized what he was doing even if it had happened just now. You’d probably happily tell him about your workout routine all over again.”

I frowned at Armin, half in irritation, half in contemplation. I didn’t think I was _that_ bad at recognizing flirting, but he did have a point. Most people touching you after saying something like that probably would be weird. But it was Levi. I saw the man an absurd amount, even if I didn’t know him very well. It just hadn’t seemed like a big deal at the time. And certainly not like flirting. I was honestly quite happy that someone had noticed my efforts to get in shape. I also might not have minded that he was the one to do it, and his proximity in the aftermath. But I never would have admitted it at the time. Levi was attractive, and clearly built himself, so it was nice to be complimented by him, but I still loved Jean at that point. “You really think that was him hitting on me and not just, I don’t know, being friendly or something?” I asked sincerely.

Armin’s reply was less sincere. “Since when has Levi ever been friendly?”

 _Damn, he’s got me there._ “I… I guess so,” I conceded, a blush rising in my cheeks. I wasn’t sure I liked having this information. I’d been acting awkward enough around Levi lately, I got the feeling this would make it worse. Even if he was drunk at the time and probably didn’t even remember doing it.

I bent my head forward and rubbed my forehead with my palm, making a noise of frustration. "Armin, what if he's just fucking with me?" I asked. "The more I think about it, the more I realize I really like him. Assholish behavior and all." I groaned again. "What is wrong with me?" I looked up to Armin, almost hoping he'd have an answer. He actually did. I really shouldn't have been surprised.

"You just said it yourself. You like him, Eren." He chuckled lightly, barely containing a smile. "And I can't say with certainty, but I'd be willing to bet that he's not messing with you. Like I've said, he seems to be incredibly selective with his company. You're one of the few people he seems to trust."

I drew my eyebrows together, the hand that wasn't propping my head up fiddling with a loose thread on my jeans. "Why would you think that?"

Armin's smile grew secretive, like he was harboring an especially good bit of information. "I know you don't really get the opportunity to see him interact with other people on a daily basis, but I do. And you just have to believe me, Eren, you would not be handling his coffee if he didn't trust you.” I raised a brow at that. What did coffee have to do with trust? Armin continued. “Any time I've eaten out with him, he'll only go to a place where he has personal contacts or where he can see the food being made, and then he watches them like a hawk. If he loses sight of his food or drink for even a second, he won't take it. He won't even let _me_ brew coffee alone. And you know I'd never do anything bad or unsanitary! Honestly, between the two of us, you're a much greater danger for stuff like that. But you’re the one he trusts."

I contemplated that for a moment, feeling rather honored. Then something occurred to me. "Well, he _did_ catch you drugging my soup that one time."

"Crushing a few aspirin into your soup when you're running a fever, feeling miserable, and refusing to do anything about it is hardly drugging you! You make it sound like I slipped you something illegal," he protested.

"Still, I don't blame him for not trusting you." I was mostly teasing him. I _did_ feel a lot better after eating that soup. Levi only told me afterwards what Armin had done, which made him just as bad in my book. I didn't really trust either of them with my food when I was sick after that, but still, it had been a helpful rather than harmful drugging. What was Levi thinking Armin would do?

A sharp rap on the door interrupted our conversation. I looked over to the door, then back at Armin to see if he hand any ideas on who it could be. I certainly wasn’t expecting company, and from the look on Armin’s face, he wasn’t either.

“Did Levi forget something?” I asked, even though I doubted that would be the case. The man was way too meticulous.

Armin slowly shook his head, his brows pinching together, equally as perplexed. “I don’t think so…” he trailed off as I slid my legs out from underneath the table, and rose to make the short trip to the door. It was moments like these I wished we had a peephole. Even though I’d never admit it to anyone, I always held my breath before opening the door, a small part of my brain concerned that one of these days the person on the other side would be holding a gun or a knife. When I finally pulled the door open a crack and saw who it was, all thoughts of concern left my brain as complete and utter surprise numbed it. I had enough sense in my dulled state to pull the door open and then I was stumbling backwards as a blur of black and red rushed me. I wrapped my arms around the person instinctually, breathing in a familiar scent, surprise slowly ebbing away and being replaced by warmth.

“Mikasa?” Armin exclaimed, standing up so quickly he had to scramble to catch the rickety wooden chair before hurrying over. Mikasa detached herself from me to throw her arms around Armin, locking him in an equally tight embrace. My body finally recovered, I spoke to her.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, pleased but curious.

Mikasa still had her red scarf obscuring half her face, but I could tell by her eyes she was smiling. “I wanted to surprise you guys by coming home for Thanksgiving.” Her voice was quiet, as usual, but there was an undercurrent of excitement there.

“You succeeded.” I still couldn’t believe my adopted sister was here.

“Does anyone else know?” Armin asked her.

She gave a negative shake of her head. “No, I didn’t want anyone to ruin the surprise. Too many of our friends have big mouths.” She definitely had a point there. Annie and Bertolt were probably the only truly trustworthy people of the lot. Krista couldn’t keep a secret from Ymir, and Ymir was only reliable about half the time. Same went for Reiner. Connie, Sasha, and Jean might be able to keep a secret to save their lives, but that was about it.

I gave her a warm smile. “It’s a good surprise,” I told her.

She pulled me into another hug. “It’s been far too long.”

“I know,” was all I said in reply. What she said was true, and it wasn’t either of our faults. We both were just leading separate lives now; it was hard to find the time and money to make a trip. I had been under the impression that she was working up till Thanksgiving Day, but apparently that had either changed or she had lied to begin with. I didn’t really care either way. She was here now, and for the first time in several years, all of our old gang would be gathered. Typically at least a few had Thanksgiving with their families, but this year everyone’s relatives were either out of state or gone. Our own father was in Germany, as he had been since Mikasa and I turned 18. We were on good terms. Every so often he would pay for us to visit, and it was always nice. Dad just wasn’t as warm and open as he used to be. It was obvious he cared, but he was distant. Sitting right next to him, he somehow gave the illusion that he was yards away. Conversation was bogged down by the effort it required, like we were yelling at each other from across a field and could only barely hear. It was sad, but neither Mikasa nor I knew what to do for him, so we let him be for the most part. We couldn’t blame him for his behavior. We knew the emptiness that was so evident in him. It was the place Mom used to fill. The void left just didn’t consume us in the same way. Her death became my motivation for living—to live for her and be a person of which she could be proud. Mikasa focused on the family she had instead of what she had lost.

“So where should I put my stuff?”

~~~

With Mikasa there, the rest of the day flew by. Although we talked every few weeks, she caught us up on how her job as a rock-climbing instructor was going, telling Armin and I a few new funny stories in the process. She asked me about my new job, and I told her the truth: the people I worked with were great; the work itself was boring as hell. Mikasa listened patiently as I ranted about how much I hated transmittal forms, before finally turning to Armin to ask about his new book. Up until that point I had actually forgotten about Levi, but at Mikasa’s inquiries, memory of the man returned in full force. I had to bite my lower lip to refrain from cursing, looking concernedly at Armin. Mikasa could be a total psycho when it came to my love life, and it was no secret that Levi was not among her favorite people. She claimed she didn’t like the way he looked at me. _Oh._ I dragged the vowel out in my head. _That makes a lot more sense now. Shit._ I worried the lip between my teeth without conscious thought, not really paying attention to what Armin was saying. I _really_ didn’t want Mikasa to find out about my crush right now. There shouldn’t be any encounters with him, thankfully, since he wasn’t going out with us this weekend and he hadn’t said anything about meeting next week, which he usually did if there were plans. The real challenge was going to be keeping one of our friends from bringing him up. I could only hope they would be distracted enough by the food and catching up to neglect mentioning last Sunday.

Of course that was too much to ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I really have been working on this fic. This chapter, even. One of my problems was that I would write about five sentences for the chapter, and then get an idea and write five pages of something in future chapters. I just really want them to go on dates and have sex, apparently.
> 
> And in my need for Eren/Levi sex, I wrote a canonish [One Shot](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1094985)
> 
> For the most part, though, I was just distracted by good things like friends and family. A bunch of them I won't see till this coming summer or Christmas, which is a really long time, so they were a major priority.
> 
> I also may have just procrastinated. Really no excuse there. I was just lazy. I apologize. The good news is I know exactly what I want to take place next chapter, have written half of the chapter after that, and I've started work on a Levi POV chapter. The bad news is school starts up again soon and I really don't know what that will do to my updates. I will try to not go any longer than I let this one go, but if it ends up being longer, just know I finish the things I start! I won't leave you hanging. :)
> 
> And as per usual, let me know of any errors!
> 
> P.S. When Eren and Armin were arguing, Levi wasn't listening. He was appreciating Eren's body. And imagining less clothed forms of it. There was a reason he left so abruptly. ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sasha tries to tackle Eren for pie and some relationship discussions are had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. Oh my goodness. Okay, I know that there are fics with SEVERAL hundred kudos, but I am FLOORED that mine has gotten even just ONE hundred! Thank you so much!!!! I was so pleased when this happened I sat down and did not stop writing till I had completed this chapter (I needed the motivation, I was struggling in the beginning!)
> 
> But seriously, guys. The first fic I put up here was eruri crack and it got, like, 5 kudos and I thought that was so many. So I’m super amazed that my little fic here has gotten ANY attention, let alone this. I’ve never written a long fanfic before (this is actually my second time writing fanfic at all), so this is really cool for me. Thank you so much to those of you who leave me feedback! And those of you who don’t, too! It makes me happy to know that people even give it a chance!
> 
> *Ahem* Sorry for the rant. (I’m just so happy and grateful!! Speaking of which…) Now for a chapter about Thanksgiving.

With Mikasa’s surprise visit to our house, the days leading up to Thanksgiving slipped by almost too quickly. Armin and I still had to work, of course, but Mikasa had plenty of catching up to do with other friends, which ensured she wasn’t bored. Not that she minded quiet time, though. She was a pretty quiet person, after all, and it had been far too long since she’d taken a vacation.

I had given up my room for her to sleep in and crashed on the couch instead, but she didn’t spent much time in there. The three of us were enjoying being able to spend some time together again too much. I hadn’t even realized how much I missed being together like that. It wasn’t like we did anything particularly special. We would watch movies, eat dinner (it was fucking amazing to have someone who could actually cook around again), or just hang in the living room together while we did our own things. To some it may have seemed shallow, but there was a deep comfort and appreciation in the silences we shared. We didn’t need to be talking or doing things together to have a good time with one another. Our bond was deeper than that. Usually, silence made me uncomfortable and resulted in me babbling. Armin and Mikasa were the two exceptions to that rule. I could sit with them in total silence and feel completely at ease. I’d never even gotten to that point with Jean, and we had been together for three years.

_I wonder if I’ll ever feel that way about Levi._

I jolted as soon as the thought crossed my mind, a rare moment of realization dawning on me:

I already did.

For months Levi and I had been sharing silent mornings on the very couch I’d been calling ‘bed’ the last few days. I hadn’t noticed it but I had been that comfortable with Levi for a long time. Thinking back on it, I knew it hadn’t always been that way. At the beginning, the quiet of Levi’s presence felt like a thick cloud oppressing the air in our tiny apartment, but at some point that had changed. _When did that happen?_ I didn’t have an answer. I couldn’t remember when those tense and awkward silences we’d been left to from time to time turned comfortable—welcome, even. Well, at least they used to be. Recently, I could barely stomach the idea of being alone with Levi. I was enough of a sputtering mess around the dark-haired man even in the presence of others.

For the millionth time since my feelings were dragged into the light I wasn’t sure if I wanted to strangle Armin or sing his praises.

My uneasiness over Mikasa possibly discovering my infatuation with Levi did not leave me after it came. There were always a blissful couple of seconds of unawareness every morning when I awoke on the couch before the small knot of anxiety reformed in my gut. For the rest of the day I just had to do my best to ignore my unease. I knew Armin wouldn’t be foolish enough to slip up—he knew exactly how crazy she could be—but I didn’t particularly trust myself. My own tongue had been betraying my thoughts with such frequency recently that I feared I was one late night short of spewing out a long rant about how fine the man’s ass was. _Honestly, it can’t be normal to think about asses this much. Or just one ass, I guess._ I was tempted to chuckle when I realized that sentence was still applicable with or without discussion of buttocks; then I _did_ chuckle (well, snorted really) when that caused me to imagine Levi without buttocks at all (had I mentioned I was 26 lately?).

“What’s so funny?”

I jolted at the sound of Mikasa’s voice, as though afraid she had heard my thoughts. That was, of course, preposterous, but it didn’t stop me from sounding suspiciously guilty when I answered, “N-Nothing.” She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously, and I could just tell she was about to say something, so I quickly changed the topic. “How are the pies coming? Shouldn’t we be leaving soon?”

She continued to eye me, but apparently decided to let my dubious behavior slide since she answered me. “We’re just about ready to pull the second one out. As soon as we finish with clean-up we can go.”

“Would you like help with that?” After the third time I confused the abbreviation for “teaspoon” with that of “tablespoon,” Mikasa had banned me from the kitchen. While I didn’t necessarily oppose getting to be lazy, I also felt bad about leaving them to do all the work. Originally, Armin and I were just going to buy some pies from the store for dessert at our potluck dinner at Reiner’s tonight, but with Mikasa’s appearance, she had insistent that we make them from scratch. I tried to be of assistance, I really did. I was just shit at cooking. Or baking. Whatever. There was a reason most of the things I ate consisted of some kind of noodle. It was just about the most complicated thing I could handle. Hell, sometimes I couldn’t even handle _that_. Who the fuck knew you could burn _spaghetti_?

Cleaning, however, I could handle. Levi’s frequent presence ensured that.

At the thought of cleaning for the sake of Levi, a sinking feeling worked its way down my gut. After our brief conversation at work, I had scrubbed that place spotless. In truth, I spent so much time on it I had been somewhat neglectful of my actual job. No one complained, though, as I was pretty sure that we were all equally disturbed by the fact that the doors in the building were actually white, not beige. After that I suddenly didn’t find Levi’s comment about showering after visiting the building so extreme. Despite the fact that everyone seemed to be pleased with the results, however, I couldn’t help feeling disappointed and like my efforts had been wasted when he didn’t show up. I had even worked up the nerve to ask Petra if she knew if he’d be coming by, to which she told me his visits were pretty infrequent. Maybe once every few months.

That information left me both disappointed and pissed. Disappointed because I thought I’d be seeing him after the one-week deadline he had given me, and pissed that I was actually disappointed that he hadn’t shown. So what if he didn’t come? I saw him all the time, and it wasn’t like he’d come just to see if I had cleaned the place or not—he obviously had better things to do. So why did I care?

I was so lost in thought that I forgot Mikasa standing right next to me, and that I had just asked her a question, until I vaguely heard her respond.

“Sorry,” I said, snapping my attention back to the outside world. “What was that?”

She frowned at me a little, looking concerned. “I said we should be able to handle it. There’s not that much left. Are you okay, Eren?”

“Yeah, fine,” I said. It wasn’t a lie, really; and even if it was, I wasn’t about to open up to her about my pitiful woes concerning Armin’s editor. There was no scenario I could envision in which that would end well for anyone. “I’m just gonna nap here until you guys are ready. Wake me up a couple of minutes before we need to go?”

“Okay,” she said, mild worry still evident in her dark eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Mikasa. Stop trying to be Mom.” I saw her flinch a little at that, and immediately felt guilty, but she nodded and swept back into the kitchen before I could get another word out. _Shit._ I thought, slouching back on the arm of the couch again, closing my eyes. I would have to apologize to her later. But for the moment, I really did want a nap. I had been sleeping well this week, but I had been rather drowsy all day today. Maybe something was wrong with me. _Whatever. As long as I don’t develop narcolepsy, I don’t care._ As I drifted off I made a mental note to ask to stop for coffee on the way over to Reiner’s. Coffee made everything better, tired or not.

By the time the second pie was out and the kitchen was in a semi-clean state, we were running late. Not that we were operating on a particular time table, since dinner wasn’t going to be until 7:00 and it was only 5:00, but apparently Mikasa had told Bertolt or Reiner (telling one was basically telling the other) we would be there _by_ 5:00 and was surprisingly high-strung when it came to timeliness. Though to anyone who didn’t know her well they’d probably think she was no different than usual. I’d just been around her long enough to know her tells. Though she didn’t wear it nearly as often now as she did when we were kids, whenever she was anxious, she would absentmindedly tug on the scarf I gave her. Due to all the cooking in our kitchenette she had taken it off, but I could see her grasping at her chest even though there was nothing there to hold on to as she made her way up the stairs to grab her coat from her room so we could finally head over.

The drive passed in relative peace. It was raining a little and I was a little irritated because Mikasa refused to stop for coffee since that would make us “even later,” but it wasn’t like many places were open by this time anyway, considering what day it was, so I kept my mouth shut and hoped I could get some once we arrived.

When we finally rolled in, it was just past 5:30 and, if the cars out front were anything to go by, the majority of our friends were already there. We got the pies out the back once we found a spot to park on the street and made our way over to Reiner’s modest one-story house. It wasn’t anything particularly special, but due to how expensive houses were, he was the only one of us who lived in one, courtesy of the substantial inheritance left to him by his grandma.

“Is there anyone left who doesn’t know you’re here?” Armin asked Mikasa as we walked up the driveway.

She only had to think a moment before responding, “Well, I actually didn’t tell Connie or Sasha,” she admitted,  “but someone has probably told them by now. And I didn’t tell that horse.” The corner of my cheek tugged upwards. Ever since Jean and I had broken up, she refused to call him by his name. I couldn’t say I disapproved.

We got to the door and Armin rang the doorbell, since I was holding both of the pies and Mikasa was a step behind. It only took a second before a tall, burly blonde was opening the door, a huge grin on his face as soon as his eyes alighted on Mikasa.

“Mikasa!” Reiner’s voice was warm as he ushered us into the house. “It’s really good to see you, how have you been?”

“Good. Sorry we’re late,” was all Mikasa replied with, but Reiner wasn’t put off by her lack of conversation. We were all plenty familiar with how taciturn she was, and knew that even if she said little she still enjoyed listening.

“Nah, you’re right on time!” Reiner replied easily. “You look really good, though that’s hardly surprising.” Reiner gave a hearty laugh as he led us towards the kitchen, and then finally turned his attention to Armin and me. “It’s good you guys could come, too, by the way.”

“Don’t worry, Reiner, you don’t have to pretend you actually care we showed up,” I teased. “You probably are just happy to see these pies.”

“PIES!” A familiar voice shrieked, Sasha skidding around the corner a moment later, almost falling as her socks lost traction on the hardwood floor. She somehow found a way to counterbalance her momentum in less than a second, though, and was once again on track to collide with me. Fortunately, Reiner caught her in solid hands before disaster could take place, but that didn’t stop Sasha from trying to worm her way around Reiner to get to me.

“Where should I put these?” I asked quickly, already inching away towards the other entrance to the kitchen.

“Ask Bertolt, but I think they should probably go in the fridge since it will be a while before we need them. It’s also padlocked,” he replied, eyeing the struggling young woman in his arms as he said the last part.

“Reiner,” she whined pitifully,” Let me go!” She held the “o” sound out as she looked forlornly after the desserts I was carrying away from her. “I just want to look, really! See if they taste—I mean, see if they really are homemade! By looking at them!”

“Oh, they’re homemade,” Armin told her as I rounded the corner. Even as the volume of other conversations increased as I entered the modest kitchen, I could still hear Sasha groan in response right before the doorbell sounded. Thoughts of who it might be were kept at bay by the sudden influx of people who _were_ there, though. As soon as I entered the kitchen, Bertolt straightened from where he had been tending to the turkey in the oven and came to greet me, wiping his hands and face with a dishtowel before offering to take the pies off my hands. I accepted and handed them over, noting, with amusement, that Reiner had not been joking about the lock twining around the double-doors of the combination refrigerator/freezer Reiner owned.

“How’s dinner coming?” I asked. “Did people bring good stuff this year?”

Bertolt gave a laugh that seemed a little strained. “I hope it’ll be okay. Reiner forgot to get the turkey out to defrost until sometime in the AM last night, so I hope it will be tender enough by the time we sit down to eat. As for what everyone else brought, it’s pretty typical of what has happened in the past. Sasha brought potatoes, Connie made pigs-in-a-blanket, Annie brought Jello, and I think Jean said he was bringing Mac-and-Cheese?” He sighed. “Some Thanksgiving dinner, huh?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, even though I felt kind of bad for Bertolt, who was clearly dismayed. We may all have been adults, but our get-togethers had not evolved much over the years. Our potluck ended up being a strange mix of traditional foods and snacks you might find at a Super Bowl party. Frankly, I was just impressed that Jean and Connie had actually _made_ something, even if that was the only thing Connie ever made and Jean’s came out of a box. Armin and I would have taken the easy way out if not for Mikasa, so I really didn’t have it in me to be disappointed in my friends. Besides. I liked Jello and Mac-and-Cheese. They were some of the best comfort foods because they reminded me of childhood. Plus, Bertolt ensured that we had the most iconic of Thanksgiving Day foods, so all things considered, I thought we were doing pretty well for ourselves.

I clapped Bertolt on the shoulder, fighting back a grimace when I felt how damp it was. “Don’t be so uptight, Bertolt. Just keep the turkey away from Sasha for the next hour or so and everything will be fine. So our Thanksgiving isn’t like what you see in commercials and shit. If it was, we wouldn’t be having it with this family, that’s for damn sure.” I laughed again. “Try to relax and remember who you’re with. My mom always said that’s what actually made food taste good anyway.”

Bertolt gave me a soft smile at that, knowing I didn’t bring up my mother often. I thought I saw his shoulders relax a tad. “You’re right, Eren,” he said, surveying the room which now had everyone present in it. “It probably wouldn’t feel like Thanksgiving at all if we didn’t have at least one weird thing on the table. And it’s been, what? Two years since we were all here like this? To be honest, I was thinking about what Thanksgiving with _my_ family was usually like, but you all are my family, too.” His eyes seemed to pause on Reiner’s figure for a moment longer than the others, before Jean strolled over to us, interrupting our conversation and putting a familiar lump in my throat.

“So,” he proclaimed loudly, crossing his arms and staring me down, “Where’s that midget you’re fucking?” I instantaneously went red and rigid, a mix of embarrassment and anger inundating me in a wave that left me a little lightheaded. I didn’t even notice as a blushing Bertolt silently slunk away from us to busy himself with dinner preparations once more, as I was too busy checking to make sure Mikasa hadn’t somehow overheard. To my great relief, she was deep in conversation with Annie. I was so caught up in my own concerns that it didn’t even strike me as odd that the two tersest people of the group were having an apparently very engaging conversation.

I took a step closer to Jean, a challenge in my eyes, even though I knew my cheeks were still burning. “Back the fuck off, _Jean._ ” I hissed.  “We’re not fucking, and don’t you _dare_ say something like that to Mikasa or I swear I’ll pound your stupid horseface into your skull. Levi is Armin’s editor and that’s it. Nothing is going on.”

“Like hell it isn’t, Yeager!” Jean snorted, still too loud for my comfort. I could tell Bertolt was listening, even though he was pretending to be busy. _That’s just fucking great._ “I see the way he looks at you. _And_ the way you look at him!”

The lump that had been in my throat at Jean’s approach was long gone now, burned away by my building rage. “Like _what_ , Jean? _How_ do I look at him? Why the fuck do you even care? We’re not a thing anymore. I should be able to eye-fuck him all day without you giving a shit.” I did nothing to mask my incredulity.

“You don’t eye-fuck him! You look like you…” Jean’s voice abruptly died off. I looked at him, massively confused. One second we were having a heated argument, and now he looked deflated. I didn’t feel much sympathy, though.

“Like I what?” I snapped.

Jean wouldn’t meet my eyes anymore. His stare bored into the ground, fists clenching. “Like you…” He stopped again, slowly raising his eyes to some spot over my shoulder and shaking his head. “Never mind. Just forget it. Let’s have a nice dinner, ‘kay?” He began to turn away from me.

“Jean, you can’t just—” Suddenly a hand was on my shoulder, and I looked to my left, startled to see Connie standing there. He shook his head slowly.

“Just let it go, man.”

“But—” I started, only to have him cut in again.

“Trust me.”

I looked at him for a long moment before pushing out a large breath and letting the tension fall out of my shoulders. “Fine.” I said shortly before walking over to where Mikasa and Annie were still talking, Armin now a part of the group. By some miracle Jean and I hadn’t shut down the whole party with our shouting match. Well, maybe it hadn’t been _that_ dramatic, but I was still surprised it didn’t draw more attention. I supposed that it didn’t hurt that small battles to keep Sasha away from dinner seemed to be breaking out every couple of minutes. Armin had probably noticed and assisted in keeping Mikasa distracted, too, if the concerned look he was giving me was anything to go by. I would probably have to be thanking him later for that. He had this uncanny ability to keep people absorbed in conversation without making it seem forced, even when other things were going on. I truly had no clue how he did it, especially with Mikasa, who was obnoxiously attuned to me. Whatever the case, I was grateful.  

I situated myself between Armin and Annie, giving the latter the most genuine smile I could muster and a soft “hey” as I joined their conversation. Apparently they had been chatting about some Korean drama they’d gotten into. I had no clue they even liked stuff like that. I just stood there kind of awkwardly, exchanging bemused glances with Armin every so often and eyeing our other friends, noting that Reiner was kind of off by himself and kept glaring at Ymir and Krista. That was weird. _He was acting weird over them the other weekend too…_ I softly informed Armin I was going to go see what was up with Reiner. He glanced over at where Reiner was leaning in the corner, beer in hand, and gave an understanding nod to me.

I made my way over to him, silently joining him in resting against the wall.

He glanced down at me, a soft smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes coming to his lips. “Hey, Eren.”

I nodded my acknowledgement, but stayed quiet, unsure of how to broach the topic of what was bothering him. After a few moments had passed I finally went with, “You wanna talk about it?”

Reiner heaved a sigh while continuing to look at Ymir and Krista, already seated at the table and talking animatedly, though Ymir was doing most of the talking, with Krista smiling brightly and laughing every so often.

“Does it have to do with Ymir and Krista?” I asked hesitantly. Reiner sighed again and looked down at me.

“Have you noticed them spending less and less time with us lately?” He finally asked.

Offhand, I couldn’t say that I had. But after thinking about the last couple of months, they had been absent from our gatherings an awful lot. It seemed they were always taking some trip or having a night out or in… always something as a couple.

“I guess,” I concluded.

He nodded, but I felt like he was more doing it for himself than for me, and I followed his gaze over to where Bertolt was fussing over the turkey again. “I’m just kind of pissed.” He said, his gaze remaining on Bertolt. “I don’t think they’re being very good friends.” He broke his stare and glanced to me before looking down to the drink he was holding. “But I’m also kind of jealous of what they have.”

I let his words sink in for a minute. I could understand how he felt. I was kind of jealous of Ymir and Krista, too. They had been together since high school, and only seemed to grow closer and more in love over the years. They had something rare, special, and I couldn’t blame Reiner for being envious of it. I was pretty sure there was more to this than just what he said, though. Reiner and Bertolt were best friends. They were sort of friends in high school, but in college they got really close. They were so attached at the hip that the rest of our group basically treated them as one person. Over time, we began to notice things about them. Reiner was very… protective of Bertolt. Bertolt was much more attentive to Reiner than any of his other friends. There were other things too. Lingering looks and softer smiles exchanged between the two of them that they never shared with the rest of us. Not that we would want them to. At least, I didn’t. But, as far as any of us could tell, nothing was going on between them, though I’d had a suspicion for a while that Reiner wasn’t satisfied with this. He’d been more agitated than usual whenever Bertolt was concerned.

I wasn’t sure what to say to Reiner, though. I wasn’t really eloquent when it came to dating. If I was maybe I’d spend a few less nights with my hand. I had no brilliant advice to offer. Even if I did, now wasn’t the time either. Not with Bertolt making it over to our corner.

“The turkey’s ready, Reiner,” he told us, mopping his face again, “We just need to get it carved and everything else on the table and then we can eat.”

“Thanks, Bertolt.” Reiner smiled at him, eyes soft. “It smells delicious,” he added on.

Bertolt gave his own small smile in return. “Thanks. I hope it’s alright.”

“I know it will be great,” Reiner said. “Alright, let’s get this bird carved.” He clapped me on the shoulder as he went to follow Bertolt over to the oven. “Thanks, Eren,” he muttered so only I could hear. I had no idea what he was thanking me for. I’m pretty sure I had been useless, but whatever. Maybe just standing there had been helpful somehow.

I began walking over to the table as Reiner’s voice boomed out over the cacophony, “EVERYBODY! DINNER IN FIVE MINUTES!”

“YES!” Sasha screamed, bolting to Reiner’s long-ass table, the rest of us following suit in a less rushed manner. I, naturally took my place between Armin and Mikasa on one side of the table as Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie helped carry the food over. Across from me sat Connie, with Krista and Sasha to either side of him. Ymir, naturally, took one of the seats at the end of the table to be next to her girlfriend. On the opposite end of the table, Jean sat across from Bertolt next to Armin, with Annie wedged into the corner between him and Reiner, who sat at the other end. Sasha somehow found the self-control to wait to begin spooning food onto her plate until all of it was on the table, but afterwards she began grabbing things with a frenzy, and the rest of us mostly tried to stay out of her way until she was satisfied. Bertolt hadn’t been kidding about the strange mix of things present. In addition to what he had named earlier were bite-sized pizza bagels, stuffing, and some tiny pastry-sandwich things that smelled amazing even though I had no clue what was in them. Krista probably made those. Her resemblance to an angel didn’t stop at her looks and sweet personality; her cooking was also heavenly.

We piled our plates high and chatted animatedly. Even Jean and I managed to tuck away the hostility as we joked and exchanged stories as a group. I was having a great time, and everyone else seemed to be, too. Things were going well.

Until Ymir brought up the one topic I wanted to avoid.

“So, Eren,” she began, a devilish gleam in her eyes. “I heard that you’re getting it on with Armin’s editor.” I froze, as did about half the table. I heard Mikasa turn in her seat and could feel her cold eyes prickling my skin, which I knew was now sporting an impressive blush.

“Who have you been talking to, Ymir? Like he would look twice at Eren.” I whipped my head around, shocked at who had spoken. I caught Jean’s eyes for a moment before he gave his full attention to Ymir. It was an asshole thing to say, but I knew Jean was trying to help me out. I actually felt rather touched. I really expected him to jump on the wagon with Ymir, but instead he was trying to get her to drop the topic, in his own way. Unfortunately, Ymir would not be so easily deterred.

“You looked twice at him.”

“I clearly wasn’t in my right mind.” _Anytime I try to have nice thoughts about him, he always says something like that._

“You guys talking about Levi?” Connie jumped into the conversation, “Yeah, he was totally giving Eren special attention! He didn’t pay for anyone else’s drinks.” I tried to make myself invisible against the chair I was in, which clearly was not working from the way Mikasa’s entire focus was still trained on me.

Armin tried to help me out. “Guys, don’t get ideas in your heads. It was just his way of saying thank you for all the coffee Eren makes him.” His help had the opposite effect, however.

“Oo,” Ymir purred, “You make him coffee, Eren? He stay over a lot?”

“No!” I finally shouted. “Shut up guys. He’s just a friend!”

Krista giggled as Ymir gave a skeptical, “Mmhmm.”

“Hey guys, let’s give Eren a break.” Reiner spoke up. “He actually looks like he might explode.” I really wished I had a scarf or long hair or _something_ to hide my face with. This was turning into the shittiest Thanksgiving ever. I pushed my plate away from me, suddenly not hungry anymore. Mikasa wouldn’t look away from me. I finally glanced up to meet her eyes, and had to fight to not physically recoil.

“It’s, nothing,” I muttered, trying to speak loud enough for only her to hear. “They’re just giving me crap.”

“I can tell when you’re lying. Your ears turn pink.” She stated simply, her voice disturbingly flat. _How can she tell that when my entire face is flaming?_

“Just drop it, okay?” I hissed. “We can talk later.”

She looked at me a few moments longer, but she finally turned away and went back to taking dainty bites of her meal and sharing a few words with the others here and there. I stayed pretty quiet through the rest of dinner, not really joining conversation again until dessert. Mikasa and Armin outdid themselves with the pies. Reiner, Jean, and Sasha literally fought over the last piece, which wasn’t a good idea because they just ended up smashing it. Sasha ended up eating it straight out of the plate like a dog. Not for the first time I wondered how she managed to stay so thin.

We continued to hang around for a while after dinner, helping with clean-up and chatting some more. I finally got that cup of coffee I wanted and drank it slowly, dreading the moment when we’d be back in the car and I’d have to face Mikasa.

~~~

We had been on the road for a solid five minutes before Mikasa finally spoke.

“So you and short-stack, huh? That’s why you’ve been acting weird?” she said. Even without the name-calling, her displeasure was evident in her tone.

“ _No._ ” I said firmly.

“Don’t lie to me, Eren,” she said, her voice carrying a warning.

Armin was quick to back me up. “He’s not lying, Mikasa. There’s just interest. Nothing has happened.” Mikasa seemed to relax just a fraction. _Yes, I definitely need to do something nice for Armin soon._

“So he hasn’t tried anything on you? Because I swear, if he has—” her voice increased in volume and I rushed to cut her off.

“He hasn’t! But even if he did, it’s none of your damn business. I can take care of myself, you know.” Honestly. It had been annoying enough when we were kids. It was just plain insulting that she was still trying to coddle and protect me as an adult.

“Eren, I’m just trying to—”

“No, Mikasa!” My voice was louder than I intended it to be. “Just listen to me for once, would you? I’m an adult. I have a job. I pay bills and shit. I wipe my own ass, too.” _Damn, Levi is definitely starting to rub off on me._ I ignored the thought and continued on. “I know you’ve always had it in your head that you had to watch out for me, but I don’t need it. And you’re wasting your energy being pissed off at Levi. He hasn’t done anything to me other than hurl a few insults, and he does that to everyone. Besides, he’s a decent guy, if you get past his shit humor.”

I could see her frowning in the rearview mirror from my seat in the back and Armin spoke up softly. “He really is a good guy, Mikasa. You just have to get to know him a little, and you really haven’t had the chance. You know I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t mean it, right?” She nodded mutely. “I wouldn’t support Eren if I thought Levi was bad for him. You would probably like him a lot if you had more opportunities to interact with him. You actually have a number of things in common.”

She shot Armin a glare at that, but quietly said, “Okay.”

When we got back to the apartment, Mikasa stopped me from getting out of the car with a hand on my arm. I halted my movements to give her my attention. “I’m sorry, Eren. I know how much you hate it when I… do things like this. If you really like Levi, I’ll stay quiet for now until I get to know him better.”

Her words made me feel surprisingly relieved; all that anxiety I’d been caring around finally dispersing. “Thanks, Mikasa,” I said rather softly. I really meant it. I appreciated her saying that. Even if she was only saying it because Armin approved, at this point I didn’t care why she was accepting the situation, I was just glad she was. Even if she drove me nuts, she was important to me. If I was being honest with myself, I probably wanted her to approve of Levi more than anyone else. Though she may not have been _approving_ yet, at least she wasn’t actively _dis_ approving of him anymore. “And nothing’s happened, anyway. It may never happen.”

“Eren, even in the, what? Three times? I’ve seen you and him in the same room I can tell he’s into you. If you feel the same way, something’s going to happen. It’s just a matter of time.”

I rolled my eyes. “First Armin, now you.”

She gave me a rather apologetic smile. “I _do_ want you to be happy, Eren.”

“I know.” I smiled at her. “A little too much, sometimes, I think.”

She gave a huff at that. “Impossible.”

I gave a sarcastic laugh. “No, definitely possible,” I saw a shiver run through her. “Can we go inside now? It’s freezing.”

She gave an airy laugh. “Whimp,” she said before shuffling out of her seat.

“You were the one who was shivering!” I protested, following after her, my heart feeling lighter than it had it days.

It had been a weird fucking Thanksgiving, but I was glad the day ended up the way it did.

Our group of friends was bizarre, and we said and did stupid things and got jealous and had fights and did all those shitty things, but we were family.

And I was grateful for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of Levi this chapter, BUT HE WILL BE BACK NEXT CHAPTER AND THIS IS ONE OF THE CHAPTERS I’VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO BECAUSE THEY ACTUALLY TAKE THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS A RELATIONSHIP! :D
> 
> I can’t wait to put them together. *teehee*
> 
> Sorry if some of the gang seems OOC. I tried rewatching a bunch of the anime and taking notes and everything to improve my understanding of their characterization, but… Meh. I’m not sure how I feel about the result. I tried!
> 
> Also, Levi’s POV will theoretically come after next chapter, but I can’t decide if I want it to be a chapter here or its own aside. I’ll decide by the time I post the next chapter so I can warn you if you’ll need to subscribe to a series or not in order to be warned when it appears. But I’ll also post a link within this fic if it goes that route. We’ll see.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and let me know if you catch mistakes! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Armin and Eren go to the Gala, and Eren leans down to...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRSTLY: Let me apologize that this is being posted slightly over two weeks. It's actually kind of a miracle that it's not getting posted even later BECAUSE Sunday night my hard drive died. I thought I'd lost the 13000+ words of this that have yet to be uploaded and all the work I've done since entering grad school. But I paid computer people $250 to recover my data, and thankfully most of it is there! I lost about a quarter of the stuff in Levi's POV because I wasn't writing it in Word, but I don't mind rewriting that nearly as much. I honestly wasn't sure what I'd do if I had lost the other stuff. SO apologies for lateness, but it took me a couple of days to get my documents and a new computer, and then I had to prioritize school work.
> 
> IF YOU CAN, AND YOU HAVEN'T IN A WHILE, BACK UP YOUR COMPUTER NOW!!! Save yourself some money and a lot of anxiety.
> 
> SECONDLY: Thank you all for kudoing and bookmarking and commenting! It makes me feel warm inside. :) Especially the super sweet comments I've been getting! I grin anytime I see I have a comment email. I love hearing what you guys are thinking! So, really, thank you so much, and I really do apologize for the wait on this!

An arduous week later, the day of the Gala had arrived. Mikasa had gone back the day after Thanksgiving, and I still hadn't seen Levi since the evening he'd asked if I'd be there. As a result, I was more wound up than ever about coming face-to-face with him again. I tapped my fingers nervously against the shallow rail of the elevator as it made its way to the top floor. For such a modern building, the thing was sure taking its damn time. _Now people have twice as much time to fuck each other..._ The words rose, unbidden, in my mind. A spike of arousal went through me and I turned my face towards the wall of the elevator, trying to hide my sudden flush. _Shit, this was a bad idea. How did Armin convince me it was good?_ Armin was the only other inhabitant of the box, but even so, I did not relish the idea of him knowing I was about to pop a boner with barely three feet separating us. As much as I loved Armin, and as good-looking as I thought he was, I would _never_ think of him in a sexual way. The thought of fucking Armin was as disturbing and off-putting as the thought of fucking Mikasa. There was just something inherently wrong about it. Not to mention that he was straight. I cringed at the thoughts, the very idea of doing either one of them successfully keeping me from getting worked up through the rest of the ride. The elevator came to a smooth stop as we finally reached our destination, the doors gliding back almost silently to reveal the top floor suite of Survey Publishers.

My jaw dropped.

The Gala last year had been nice. I didn't pay a ton of attention to the details, but I knew that the tables had been covered in fancy-looking tablecloths and all the food was served on nice silver trays and stuff. I think there were some Christmas-y ribbons or something scattered around. I definitely remembered snowflake lights. All in all, though, it had felt broken up last year. They had used one of the floors closer to the middle of the building, and used conference rooms. As a result, the party had been broken into several rooms, and it made it feel cramped and generally detracted from the class of the gathering, though the people dressed to the nines milling about everywhere prevented it from losing _too_ much elegance. It had still been very nice.

 _This_ however…

“Armin, are we in the right place?” I asked, not believing how similar and how different the party in front of me seemed to simultaneously be from the one I went to last year.

Armin laughed, “Levi _did_ say they were going all out again this year. Apparently this is where they usually have the Gala. They were trying out something different last year, and received a lot of complaints, so they switched it back.

I looked around me, taking in the array of slowly twinkling white lights crisscrossing the whole expanse of the room overhead. Columns along the sides of the room were twisted with red and green, providing splashes of bright color to the scene. The tables lining the wall off to the left were draped in a heavy black fabric lined with glittering garland, and the savory scents wafting over from them were already making my mouth water. In the far right corner was a small bar, a black-tie adorned bartender flipping bottles easily as he prepared drinks for the small group of people gathered. In the back were smaller tables for guest to gather at, there were already quite a few who had done so, though the majority seemed to still be standing—milling about to chat or gather food or beverage. The tables were covered in white cloths with small tea candles and bright red carnations adorned with some shiny white objects I couldn’t make out from the distance.

The most stunning thing, however, was just off to the right, next to a raised platform made of light polished wood.

“Isn’t this a fire hazard?” I queried, still rather dumbstruck, as I gawked at the huge-ass tree decorated with so many lights and glass balls I could hardly make out the foliage.

“Yes.” A low voice that had my stomach plummeting towards the floor answered from behind us. “So do us all a favor and don’t call the fire department.” I turned to see Levi’s scowling face, though it wasn’t directed at either one of us. He seemed to be studying the lights overhead, thinking. “On second thought, do. Then I can just go home.”

I only vaguely heard the last thing he said, too caught up in his appearance to process what he was saying. How the hell did he always manage to look so fucking good? I had seen him in dress clothes plenty of times before, and I _still_ couldn’t get the image of him in that outfit he had been wearing at Rosa's out of my head, but tonight the suit he donned was every bit as fine as the man wearing it, and it was taking a lot more willpower than I wanted to admit to keep my mind out of the gutter. I needed a distraction.

And a distraction, I got.

“Levi, we had someone check it out. It’s perfectly safe. Days where we can enjoy the company of each other without talking work are rare. Try to take it easy for a night.” I stared at the blonde hunk of man that had appeared at Levi’s side, placing a hand casually on his shoulder. Levi’s scowl remained fixed in place, but he seemed otherwise unperturbed by the contact.

He had stupid eyebrows. And his hair was styled strangely. I immediately disliked him.

Levi, however, just snorted at the man. “Please, Erwin. Don’t pretend for one fucking second that people are going to forget about work. This party is one big game of Who Can Kiss The Most Ass. It’s more exhausting to deal with these morons than the rest of the year combined.”

“Levi,” the man actually sounded like he was _chastising_ Levi, “language.”

Levi let out a dismissive puff of air, shrugging out from underneath the blonde giant. Tall, chiseled, and bushy finally fixed his attention on Armin and me. Actually, scratch that; just me. “Your face is new," he said to me. "A friend of yours?” Erwin asked Armin politely. I didn’t like the way he looked at Armin, either.

“Yes, sir. This is my roommate and childhood friend, Eren.” Armin confirmed. He turned to me, “Eren, this is Erwin Smith, the Editor-In-Chief and major shareholder of Survey Corp.”

Erwin Smith extended a hand to me. I stared at it for a long moment before hesitantly offering my hand in return. He had a firm grip, but it wasn’t crushing. He was extremely polite. He was making it very difficult for me to hate him the way I wanted to. He chuckled softly. “So you’re Eren. It’s nice to meet you. For a moment there I thought Levi had rubbed off on you too much and were going to refuse to shake it. From what I’ve heard he spends quite a lot of time in your apartment. Sorry if he’s inconvenienced you.” Levi tsked and crossed his arms, looking away from Erwin.

I found myself blushing for no reason as I hurried to assure him that he wasn’t, “N-No! Not at all! I mean, Armin talked to me about it beforehand and I got used to it pretty quickly. If he stopped coming now I’d probably miss him.” Levi’s eyes snapped to me and I laughed nervously, fighting the urge to scratch at the back of my head, which I’d actually managed to get to lay pretty smoothly for once. Then I realized what I’d said, immediately feeling blazing hot. Suddenly that one green pillar at the far side of the room was absolutely _fascinating._

Erwin was either very dense, or very kind (and I was suspecting the latter) as he laughed again and agreed, “I understand what you mean. He’s horribly discourteous, but once you get use to him, his absence is noticeable.” He looked at Levi fondly, and I was appalled to find myself clenching my fists in a silent reminder to not do something incredibly stupid in front of a hundred or so witnesses.

Armin picked up on my tension and put a hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t we go get a drink, Eren?”

I turned to him, grateful for the out, but not liking the idea of leaving Blondie alone with Levi. If I stood there any longer, though, I might not be able to control myself the next time he touched Levi. When Levi spoke up next, however, my concerns were alleviated.

“That is the best suggestion I have heard all night. I have heard so many shit suggestions for books already I swear my ears are going to start bleeding from the assault. What part of _‘my schedule is full’_ do they not comprehend?” He was practically bristling with irritation. A drink would probably do him some good. He was already headed towards the bar.

“Don’t drink too much, Levi,” Erwin called out after him. “I don’t want a repeat of last year.” His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument.

Levi gave him a half-wave to show he heard, but didn’t turn around, which I was grateful for since the mention of last year and Levi’s drunkenness left me feeling more flustered than ever. Maybe I could use a drink, too.

Armin and I followed Levi to the back and joined the small crowd of expensively dressed people. Armin was immediately greeted by a few of the people and engaged in conversation. I just stood there, feeling even more out of place than I had last year. I was wearing a deep green dress shirt and slacks, and had even dug a tie out of the depths of my closet, but I still felt massively outclassed next to the tailored suits, cocktail dresses, and flashes of expensive jewelry. I was suddenly struck by a very hollow feeling as I realized just how much I didn’t belong here, and how foolish I must have been to think I could use this party to get closer to Levi. Why would he waste his time on me when he could spend it with someone like Erwin? They were obviously close.

Something cold was pressed against my chest, abruptly cutting off my musing. I looked down to find a glass of dark fizzing liquid pressed against my chest.

“You going to take it or just stare at it, brat? It’s a rum and coke. That’s what you like, right?”

I looked up from the elegantly cut glass to the man holding it, my throat feeling very tight and my stomach flipping in my gut. _He remembered my favorite drink._ I tried not to think about it too hard. Was this as significant as it seemed? People only bothered remembering stuff like that when the other person had some kind of significance to them, right?

I lifted my hand to take the drink, trying to avoid touching his fingers, which was impossible due to the short stature of the glass. There just weren’t that many places to grab it. The caress of his cold fingers against mine as he slid his hand away made me feel weak. I took a hearty sip to coax my throat open again before muttering the quietest ‘thank you’ I think I’d ever said in my life.

Neither one of us spoke for a moment, and though I could feel his eyes studying me, I opted to look around the gathering instead. There were more people coming in every few minutes, and the room was starting to fill up. I saw that Armin had moved off towards the tables and was chatting animatedly with a freckled guy who looked like he might be close to our age, though I figured I really should stop trying to place people in age brackets, after how massively off I’d been with Levi.

“Hey, Eren.” Levi’s voice instantly drew my eyes to his, almost like I’d just been waiting for him to call my name, though I definitely hadn’t been. I couldn’t make up my mind if I wanted to look at him or not. He was so gorgeous in that suit I just wanted to rake my eyes up and down him all night. On the other hand, I was so afraid of being caught staring and self-conscious of my own appearance that it made looking at him for too long hard. But when he called my name like that, I couldn’t help it. I locked on those slate eyes of his, appreciating how the lights overhead danced off of them, bringing out more of the blue tones than I usually saw. “Come with me to get some food. I need someone to make me look busy so these pigs stop trying to talk to me.” He turned on his heel and started walking, apparently expecting me to follow. I gave one look back over at Armin, but he was still absorbed in his conversation with Freckles, so I took a deep breath and made to follow after Levi, feeling more nervous by the second. I clutched my drink to my chest to keep my hand from trembling.

As soon as we neared the food, I started salivating. My stomach was churning too much for me to feel much like eating, though. I was kind of regretting the drink as it was. I let out a sigh, looking at all the delicious food.

“What’s the matter?” Levi asked. Was that concern underneath the irritation that seemed to lace every question he asked?

“Nothing,” I replied quickly. Probably too quickly.

He stared me down for a couple of seconds. “You know your ears go red when you lie, right?” I was sure I colored further at his words.

“Y-Yeah. Mikasa— you know, my adopted sister—she tells me that all the time.” My mom was the first one to bring that unfortunate trait to my attention, but I didn’t feel like talking about her tonight. It always got harder to talk about her the closer we got to Christmas.

“So what is it?” he pressed.

“It’s just… It looks so good, but I really don’t feel like eating…” Levi’s stare got harder and harder as I spoke until his eyes seemed to be two pinpricks of ice freezing me with their coldness.

“What have I said about eating, brat? Here,” he said sharply, dumping what seemed to be teriyaki chicken on my plate. Next was tortellini salad, followed by Waldorf salad. I didn’t really think the items he was putting on my plate went together, and I didn’t even particularly like walnuts, but I didn’t complain, knowing all I would receive was a sharp glare in return, resulting in me just following his instructions anyway. After he finished dumping food on my plate (he just about took samples from half the things present), he got his own neatly arranged plate of food and beckoned me to join him in walking towards the tables in the back. I could now tell that the bright objects I’d noticed in the flowers were actually little clusters of crystals.

A little tension left me when I saw him heading towards a table with Armin seated at it. The freckled guy was still with him, too. I took the chair on the other side of Armin; Levi sat to my left. I tried to take a few breaths. There were occasions when Levi would have a meal with us. _This isn’t so different from those times_ , I tried to tell myself.

“Eren!” Armin piped up as I scooted myself closer to the table. “I wanted you to meet one of my friends, Marco. He’s the author I told you I might be collaborating with on a book. Nanaba’s his editor.” _Oh, so this is Marco._ A genuine smile adorned my face as I extended my hand in greeting. I had heard quite a bit about Marco from Armin. Apparently he was one of the young-and-upcoming authors just like Armin himself. They’d been talking about writing a novel together casually, but I didn’t know how likely it was that they would end up doing it. Marco had just come on about four months ago and Armin had to get his current book out before he could give too much attention to future projects. From what I understood, though, they’d gone so far as to discuss possible outlines for the plot. I’d yet to hear any of them, though. Armin didn’t like to talk about his ideas until they were actual plots with some substance, usually.

“Nice to meet you,” I said.

“Likewise,” Marco smiled back at me. He was cute. I couldn’t say I was interested, not with the man sitting— _closer? Was he closer than usual?_ —to my left, but he was definitely cute. He practically radiated that boy-next-door vibe. I could already see how he and Armin had become friends.

Apparently Armin had been telling Marco about our bizarre Thanksgiving. I mostly just sat there listening, picking at my food until a pointed kick from Levi to my shin encouraged me to start taking some bites. I threw my own comments about our friends out on occasion and the more Marco talked, the more I liked him. He seemed genuinely interested in everything we had to say and his personality was warm.

“You should come out with us next weekend,” I suggested. I turned to Levi, my gut giving another twist. “You, too, Levi. We could go to Rosa's again,” I quickly turned to look at Armin to make sure he was on board with this plan. He just nodded in agreement, so I continued, looking back to Marco. “We went there a few weeks ago. Levi knows the owner, so we got a discount. And the drinks are pretty good.” I didn’t want to mention the food, though it had been good, too. I was still a little bitter about the tortilla chips.

“That sounds great!” Marco replied enthusiastically. “I’d love to meet these people I keep hearing about.” I smiled, but kept my breath held as I glanced to Levi. I liked Marco, and I sincerely thought he’d be a good addition to our group, but he wasn’t the one I really cared about showing or not. A beat passed before Armin prompted him.

“What about you Levi?”

I turned to him in earnest then, really wanting him to say yes, but also understanding that if he did I was resigning myself to another weekend of nerves and teasing from my friends. The part of me that wanted him to say ‘yes’ was stronger.

“Shitty brat, don’t look at me with those puppy-eyes. I will come by if I have the time for it.” I couldn’t help the smile that came over my face.

“Stop looking so happy,” he said flatly, then groaned. “I need another drink,” he said, rising from the table. “The rest of you brats good?” he didn’t single me out for once.

“Unless you can find some coffee in this place, no.” I grumbled, while Armin and Marco politely declined. What kind of gathering didn’t have coffee available? All gatherings _everywhere_ should _at least_ offer coffee. But here? No.

“Sorry, brat, you are shit out of luck. Apparently these people are too good for coffee or some shit. You will have to go out for your own if you want it.” I groaned again as he briskly walked away from us, and I just couldn’t help but to admire his backside as he did so. I didn’t think it was actually possible to tire of looking at it. Unfortunately Armin pulled me from my ogling.

“Eren, speaking of going out, Marco invited me over to his place for an after party…” he trailed off, and I could tell he was looking for permission to go since we had only taken one car.

“You are welcome, too, of course,” Marco piped up.

“Uh…” I looked between the two of them. I didn’t want to tell Armin no, and though I already liked Marco, I really didn’t feel like hanging around the literary types into the wee hours of the morning. The only thing to do would be get drunk, and I wasn’t really in the mood. Plus, what did “after party” mean to Marco anyway? Not to judge a book by its cover, but he didn’t look like the type to have a large supply of alcohol and his lack of drink this evening wasn’t doing anything to disprove that hypothesis.

Armin’s face fell a little. “It’s okay, Eren, we don’t have to—”

“No, no! It’s fine!” I tried to protest, even though it was complete bullshit and we both knew it.

“What are you constipated about now, Eren?” Levi’s droll voice cut into our conversation.

“Oh, it’s nothing, Levi. Eren just doesn’t want to stay out with me after this, but he’s trying to be polite about it since we only took one car.” Armin looked at me softly and I felt even guiltier because he was so damn understanding. I really didn’t deserve a friend like him.

“That’s it?” Levi questioned, not seeming to want an answer as he continued, “I’ll take the brat home; don’t worry about it.” I had just taken a sip of my rum and coke and was now trying not to choke on it.

“Is that okay, Eren?” Armin asked, looking hopeful and just the _tiniest_ bit proud. I examined his expression for a second. _He couldn’t have planned this, could he?_ I couldn’t take the time to explore the answer to that question, though, because everyone was waiting for my answer. I swallowed.

“I don’t want to bother you, Levi—” I started.

“Then it’s settled. I’ll take you home.” There was finality in his voice, and I knew better than to try and argue when he used that tone. “We can even get some coffee on the way to the car. I parked several blocks away, down by the river.”

“Oh, o-okay,” I stuttered. A long walk, with Levi. Coffee, with Levi. Alone in a car, with Levi. My heart was beating far too fast.

The next hour of the party passed in a blur. I dazedly followed Armin around the room, noticing that Levi stayed close by, until about fifteen minutes ago when _Erwin_ had engaged him in conversation again. I kept glancing their way, but Levi and him were in their own little world. Between the anxiousness about going home with him and my random jealousy for a man I knew almost nothing about, I was starting to feel drained. I could use that coffee. Or sleep. Or both. Sleeping while caffeinated was definitely a thing.

Levi appeared at my side, causing me to jolt.

“Holy shit! Where did you come from?” I gasped, hand clenched to my heart.

“Do I really need to provide you with sex education, Eren?”

I gawked at him, but before I could say something stupid in response to that, Levi spoke again.

“I want to leave now. You got a problem with that?” My heart stopped for a moment before continuing on in the erratic rhythm it had chosen for the night.

“No. I was feeling kind of tired, anyway.” A little short of breath, too. Hopefully I could get that under control before we walked very far.

Armin overheard us, “You guys leaving now?”

“Yes,” was Levi’s ever-concise reply.

“Have fun,” I told him with a tired smile.

“You, too,” he grinned.

I looked at him with utter mortification, but Levi didn’t seem to take note of the remark at all. He was already headed towards the elevator. I threw Armin one last goodbye before hurrying to catch up with Levi once again. I didn’t think I had ever been so acutely aware of the man’s impatience before tonight. I caught up to him a few steps from the elevator. It was exactly at that moment that I realized, unless someone else showed up really quickly, I was going to be alone in the elevator _with Levi_.

_Oh shit._

I was helpless to stop the onslaught of images I had been conjuring over the last week or so. The fact that I had imagined it on the way up with Armin really wasn’t surprising considering that I might have jerked off to the idea once… or five… times. What could I say? I apparently I had an elevator kink. My eyes trailed over to where Levi was casually leaning against the wall next to the elevator. I drank in his sharp features and the fit of the suit on his body… Maybe I just had a Levi kink.

The doors opened, and he went inside to resume his lean on one of the elevator walls. “Get in here before the doors close, you shit,” he said, just as the doors began to slide shut. I caught them with my hand and gave him a timid look before deciding to stand right in front of the doors so I didn’t have to look at him and tempt myself with thoughts of pressing into him with my body. Of course, that didn’t really aid me because then the fantasy changed to Levi pressing into me from behind. My eyes dropped closed as a pulse of arousal went through me. I wanted us to be touching so badly. _But it’s not going to happen, so think of giant deformed humans or something and cut it out._ When the elevator doors opened again, I flew out of them, not bothering to pay attention to my direction.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going, Eren? The street is this way.” I turned around to see him just standing there, looking at me like he was wondering if I was really that much of a dumbass. It was justified.

I chortled a little, finally giving in to the urge to run my fingers through my hair, thoroughly mussing it up. Levi gave me a little smile, and I froze. Levi had about three expressions as far as I was concerned: neutral, frowning, and smirking. The upturn to his lips in that moment didn’t fall into any of those categories. I didn’t know what to do, other than wonder what I had done to cause that fond look that seemed to be in his eyes along with that smile and if I could do it again.

“That looks more like you, brat,” was all he offered before pushing open the doors to the outside and letting a blast of chilly winter wind sweep over me as he walked onto the sidewalk. I followed. “There’s a little coffee shop just down here we can stop in,” he told me, pointing at the next block over. We crossed the street and ducked inside to order. I was glad for the brief reprieve from the bitter wind. Since Armin and I had parked in the employee lot behind the building, we’d hardly had to walk 40 feet. If Levi was parked by the water, we’d be walking for a while and I had no coat nor blazer. I could only hope the coffee would warm me up a bit.

Levi wouldn’t let me pay for my drink, so I grudgingly put my wallet away and sat down at a nearby table to wait for them to call our names. Well, Levi’s name. I had told them my name was George. The funny look Levi gave me was worth it.

Finally, the much-desired coffee was in hand and we started to make our way down towards the river. The wind whipped through my shirt with ease and a chill was starting to come over me. I may have run on the warm side, but winter was still cold. The coffee helped a little, though. Still, I craved a distraction, and now was the perfect time to try to get to know Levi better.

It still took me a couple of minutes to work up the nerve to say something.

“Levi,” his full attention was on me instantly; I kept looking forward to stop myself from chickening out under the intensity of his eyes. “Could you… tell me something about yourself? You come over to the apartment all the time, but I feel like I hardly know you.” There, I said it. I was still too nervous to look at his face.

“Something about myself…” he echoed, seeming to muse over my question. “That’s pretty broad, brat. Are you sure you don’t want to narrow that down at all for me?”

I thought for a moment. “How about… what was your childhood like?’

I could almost feel his mood darken. “No.” His intonation was resolute; final.

“Okay,” _I_ could even hear the deflation in my voice. I shivered a little and took another gulp of my latte. Maybe something less personal. “Favorite color?”

“Green,” he answered without hesitation. From the way he was looking at me, I got the feeling there was more to his choice than a simple fancy. “Yours?” He questioned in return.

“Blue,” I answered, somehow finding the nerve to give him a meaningful look of my own. I couldn’t keep the contact for long, though, and broke it as we turned onto the sidewalk in front of the river. Were we… flirting? Did this count as flirting? I couldn’t quell the hope that it was.

“My car’s not that much farther. Just six more blocks.”

I nodded silently, another shudder rippling through my body.

He stopped and shrugged out of his jacket, holding it out to me.

“Here.”

I stared at it, struck dumb for a moment. “You’ll get cold.” I told him.

“No I won’t. I was actually getting a little warm in this suit.” That was a lie. It had to be. It was freezing—and I ran warm. “And if you don’t take it, it’s just going to stay draped over my arm, being useless.” There was determination in his eyes, and I knew he would stubbornly refuse to put that jacket back on for the rest of the night.

“Okay,” was all I said in reply, and reached out to take it. Before I could, however, Levi was behind me, gently draping the jacket over my shoulders. He was so close as he did it, I could almost feel him against my back, but the sensation only lasted a moment before he stepped away again and resumed our walking pace, leaving me to stare after him for a second before remembering that I was suppose to be walking with him. I adjusted the jacket on my shoulders as I started after him—it was a little small for me—and noticed with a nervous flutter in my stomach that it smelled like him.

It suddenly occurred to me that Levi was quite the gentleman. Despite his general rudeness when he spoke, his behavior—opening doors for others, paying for trivial things, loaning out a jacket—all spoke of a certain courtesy. He was such a curious person for stuff like that. So many aspects of him seemed to be diametrically opposed, and yet here they all existed in one person. I supposed that was a large part of what made him so confusing. All the rules he seemed to live by had exceptions.

I wanted to know all of them. _But first, something far more important…_

A surge of confidence came from nowhere, inspiring me to ask, “So what’s the deal with you and bushy brows?” Maybe that drink had been stronger than I’d realized, though I didn’t even feel tipsy.

Levi actually stopped again to lean against the rail blocking people off from the river and studied me for a moment, perplexed, before clarity flooded his eyes and he actually _snorted_ before tipping his head back in the heartiest laugh I’d ever heard escape his lips. He sobered quickly, however, turning so he was facing the water with a hand clamped over his mouth. I walked over to join him in leaning on the railing to get a look at his expression. It was a bizarre mix of amused, mortified, and stoic. I wasn’t even sure how he managed it.

“Shit, Eren.” His voice came out breathy and it immediately brought warmth to my cheeks. “I… can’t remember the last time something made me lose my shit like that. I will have to remember that one. Erwin will hate it.” He chuckled softly and the corner of his lip turned up as he glanced at me, and I felt my breath catch. I quickly looked away and took a sip of coffee.

“You guys just seem… close.”

 “We haven’t fucked, if that’s what you are trying to get at,” he replied candidly. I held up a hand to block my mouth as I choked on my coffee. I really needed to stop drinking things when people were talking to me. I also needed to stop forgetting how blunt Levi could be.

For a few moments, all I could do was look at him, wide-eyed, as I sputtered and tried to stop coughing long enough to speak. He just looked at me, an amused smirk twisting his lips. “No…” I finally wheezed.

“Good,” he stated. “’Cause that would be fucking weird.” He paused a moment, almost thoughtful, “But Petra and I have.”

I was glad I wasn’t drinking coffee this time because I would have choked again. As it was, my body had some kind of minor convulsion and then I just gaped at him. “I…” I was at a loss for words. “I—You—You really didn’t need to tell me that.”

“The look on your face was priceless.” Smug bastard.

“Shut up, asshole.”

“Assholes don’t talk, kid.”

“Then you’re a fucking miracle.” I shot back, lamely.

The corner of Levi’s mouth twitched, but then he abruptly went quiet, his demeanor shifting into one of solemnity that seemed to weigh the air down. Silence stretched, and I felt the need to fill it, but held my tongue for once, sensing that he was on the verge of telling me something that I did not want to interrupt.

“It’s connected to my past… I know you asked about my childhood, but do you _really_ want to know? It’s not a particularly happy story.” He asked rather quietly. If it were anyone but Levi, I might have labeled it as unsure, but he met my eyes steadily. Clearly this was a grave matter to him.

“Yeah.” I exhaled. _I want to know everything about you_. I felt jittery, knowing what I was about to admit. “Like I said before… I don’t really know a lot about you. I’d—I’d like to.” Levi looked uncomfortable. “If you want to, that is,” I quickly amended, shifting my feet a little.

Levi’s eyes watched the dark waters below for a long moment, nothing but the lapping of waves and the occasional sounds of traffic to break the quiet. Then he spoke.

“I grew up in the foster system,” he started softly, “I got bounced around a lot. I was an angry little shit,” he gave another breathy laugh at the recollection and gave me a sidelong glance. “You kind of remind me of how I used to be, only older.” His eyes lingered on mine a moment longer than I was really comfortable with before dropping back down to the water. I watched the way his dark eyelashes brushed his cheeks. “My temper got me into trouble. I naturally seemed to fall into the wrong crowd wherever I went. I got used to not staying in one place too long, not ever really having my own things… Having no fucking control. I got bounced around until I aged out and then I made my living in back-alley deals. Dirty work. It’s when I got so… invested in cleaning.” Levi’s body tensed considerably as he went on. “I’ve seen a lot of shit. I’ve seen where people put their hands. I know people like to cut corners so I don’t trust anyone else to do it right. You get sick on the streets, you’re probably going to die on the streets.” He paused for a long moment, looking hard across the water to some distant memory. “Erwin was the only real friend I ever had growing up, although I didn’t really think of him that way at the time. I met him at the end of high school and he stuck with me even with all the shit I was caught up in. Hell, I’m probably alive because of it. He helped me out of a scrape or two. Man is a fucking tank.” He shook his head, shifting his weight so he was leaning on the railing from the side and continued. “Erwin helped pull me out of that way of living. I had a lot of anger and determination, but nothing to put it towards. He helped me with that. I wouldn’t be where I am today without him. Fuck, I’d probably be dead.”

The quiet that fell after his last sentence stretched a long time. I shamelessly stared at him as he looked out over the water in the dying light, marveling at him. I’d never heard him say so much at one time before. I’d never seen his eyes so open and unguarded. I’d never had my breath taken by someone before, but when he finally turned those blue irises back to me, there I was, breathless. I wanted to kiss him.

Gulping, I leaned forward ever so minutely from where I leaned on the railing, his gaze locked with mine, unmoving. I tilted a little farther forward, searching his eyes for anything that said this wasn’t okay, that I should back off. He tilted his head back a little as I tipped mine down, and blood rushed loud in my ears.

The blare of a nearby train horn broke the air without warning, causing me to jump in the air, shattering the moment. I turned away instantly, berating myself for getting startled by a _train_ of all things, and hoping it was dark enough to hide my blush. _Why is my life like a fucking cliché romantic comedy all the damn time?_ I cursed in my head.

“I should get you home, brat,” he said, straightening.

“Yeah,” I huffed in cold night air, pulling his jacket around me a little tighter, wondering at how he could look so unaffected by the cold. He turned to resume our journey to the car. “Um… Levi?” He stopped once again and looked back at me. I fought the urge to shift my eyes around and looked at him steadily. “Thank you.” I didn’t need to tell him what for; we both knew.

“You’re welcome.” We stayed like that for a moment before he began walking again. “Come on you shit. You look like you’re cold enough to freeze your piss.” That description wasn’t too far off from how I actually felt, so I jogged to catch up to him, my teeth chattering until we got to his car and had been driving for a few solid minutes with the heat on.

The drive home was silent, save for the engine and outside sounds. When he finally pulled into our complex, I wasted no time thanking him for the ride and the coffee and pulling myself out of the car. Before I could shut the door, however, he stopped me.

“Hey, brat.”

“Y-Yes.” The brief exposure to the cold already had me shivering again.

“Sleep well.” He leaned over and shut the door for me, leaving me to stare after his car as he threw it into reverse and peeled away.

It was only after I got inside that I realized I was still wearing his jacket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to make Levi's POV both a chapter and an aside. So you can either subscribe to the series, or just click on the link I will include when I post the next chapter. The aside will be Levi's first encounter with Eren up to the current point in time, and the chapter will basically pick up Eren's perspective where we left it. I decided to do it this way because I really didn't want to break up the narrative with a lengthy journey into the past, but it's kind of necessary to understand where Levi is currently. I want the path that brings him to his actions in Chapter 8 to be clear.
> 
> If you have any comments or questions, feel free to comment here or on tumblr!
> 
> I've never mentioned this, but I do track the tag "STTOFTB" and I posted about the computer problems I was having on tumblr. I have no idea if people actually pay attention to me on there because I'm honestly pretty boring, but if an update is taking longer than it should, I'll probably post something about it there.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please notify me of any typos! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi's friends won't shut up and he requests something of Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THIS!!
> 
> If you haven't read it already, here is the link for the Levi aside [ Sometimes Things Don't Go The Way You Plan. ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1167463) Please read this before you read this chapter. It gives insight into what's been going on for Levi. This chapter will probably seem to come out of nowhere if you don't take a look at it first, so I highly recommend taking the time to read it before you read this chapter.
> 
> For those of you who have already read it, THANK YOU for the attention you've given it! I want to give a special shout out to those of you who commented because I was feeling really uncertain about the aside, but YOU GUYS. KJAHJFJKBCE I DON'T EVEN HAVE WORDS FOR THE THINGS YOU GUYS DID TO MY HEART WITH YOUR KINDNESS. Seriously.
> 
> Also, thank you to everyone who's given this fic attention recently, too! It makes me happy :) Please let me know if you catch typos!
> 
> Think that's it for now... Enjoy?

I was more reluctant to go to work on the Monday after the Gala than I had been in a long time. When my alarm went off at 6:05AM I wanted nothing more than to snuggle back under my covers and give the world the finger. But I didn’t. I never did. My alarm went off and I was up, making my way to the teapot in my kitchen immediately. I did nothing without my morning cup of black tea. Coffee would come later, at work. I went through my morning routine rather thoughtlessly. I washed my face and put on a nice dress shirt and slacks, then grabbed my laptop so I could check my email while I drank my tea. I brushed my teeth and followed up with mouthwash, to rid myself of any tea aftertaste. At 6:45, I left. The commute wasn’t terrible, and I could probably stand to leave a half hour later, but you never knew what kind of shit was going to go down on the road in the morning and I _hated_ being late.

The day was piss right from the start. Erwin wanted to have a staff meeting in the morning, which was boring as fucking hell and pointless, in my opinion. _Why_ did I need to be a part of discussions completely unrelated to the projects I was managing? _Do I look like I fucking care about the dumb shit who can’t figure out how to calculate the number of books to print on the first run based off of the projected sell-rate and orders already taken? It’s not that fucking hard._ I made no attempt to mask my displeasure at having my precious time wasted. Erwin shot me a few looks for my pointed remarks about how useless the new hires were, but I was feeling particularly acidic this morning and gave even less of a shit than usual. I had actual work to do. I had a goal to meet, and I’d skewer Erwin if his shitty meetings were what ended up preventing me from going out this weekend.

The thought of this weekend gave my gut the sensation of suddenly having no bottom. I took a steadying breath. The thought of the shitty brat and his shitty green eyes and his shitty lips inching closer and closer to mine had plagued me all of yesterday until I was at my wits end. I’d had almost no fucking sleep because I was acting like some lovesick child and it pissed me off. I was supposed to be beyond this phase of life. I was supposed to be _better than this_. But no. Even in my own damn head Eren was stupidly persistent, battling his way to the forefront of my mind every time I shoved him down.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the rustling of papers and squeak of plush chairs as people rolled them away from the conference table and stood up. _About fucking time_. I made to flee the room in all manner of haste, already pondering if I wanted to deal with phone calls or emails first, but the commanding voice of Erwin Smith stopped me.

“Levi, can I talk to you for a moment?”

 Had it been any other voice, I could have kept walking, but Erwin I stopped for. He was the only person I respected enough to listen to. He helped me find life again when I’d given up on myself in my shitty existence dealing black market goods on the streets. He helped me figure out that there were actually some decent people among the swine I was used to being surrounded by. He introduced me to people like Hanji, Mike, and Petra, and showed me what it looked like to live instead of merely exist. If that did not merit some form of respect, I didn’t know what did.

That didn’t mean I had to revere the bastard, though.

“What do you want, Erwin?” I asked irritably.

“Are you okay? You seem particularly edgy this morning. Did something happen?”

I read the question for what it was. _Did something happen with Eren?_ Just like all my other friends, he had known for a couple of months now that I had a thing for one of my author’s roommates. Erwin and Armin had actually developed something of a friendship over the last year and I knew the sly bastard mined him for information about Eren that I would never give him myself—at least not without a couple of drinks.

I tended not to drink with Erwin because of how honest I became. I spilled enough shit when it was just Hanji or Petra. Erwin brought out everything. All the parts of me I pushed down, I would let them out with Erwin because he knew them already. I was more honest with him than I was with myself when I was drunk. I trusted Erwin completely, but that did not mean I liked shining light on the things I had kept so carefully wrapped in shadows. I actually felt a little bad because I had been holding him at more of a distance for a while now. He saw right through my hostility and sarcasm to my true feelings, and I just had not wanted to confront those things just yet. I was only barely beginning to face them now, and I did not particularly relish him butting in at a point where I felt so vulnerable. Our conversation right before I left the Gala was the longest we’d had in weeks, and his quips about not riding Eren too hard were not yet welcome. He knew I didn’t sleep with people after the first date. Fuck, it wasn’t even a date. Maybe after this weekend we could have a talk, but I did not want to go there right now.

“I’m fine,” I told him shortly. “Everything is fucking fantastic. Now will you let me go do my job, _Commander_?” I only called him that when I was hacked off and wanted space, and he knew it. Apparently Erwin was more concerned than I had realized, though.

“Levi—”

“Don’t,” I cut him off. “I have a lot of stuff to get done before this weekend. So, unless it is work related, keep it to yourself. We can talk sometime next week.”

Erwin gave me a hard look, one that I gave right back to him. His bright-blue eyes were locked with my stormy ones for one drawn out moment, until he finally expelled a long breath, his gaze softening, but remaining held to mine.

“Very well. I’m here if you need me, Levi.”

“I know,” I replied, and we both knew how much I meant it, even if my voice was one step away from being toneless. I briskly walked to my office to truly begin what was surely going to be one of the longest weeks of my life.

~~~

Of course, that was just what I was thinking on Monday, when the entire week was stretched before me. That was _not_ what I was thinking on Wednesday, when I found out from Armin that they were planning on going out Friday night and I only had two more full days to deal with my shit for the week.

What was worse was that, in the midst of mounting stress over everything I had to get done, I suddenly found myself unconsciously trying to drive to Trost Supplies every day on my way home.

Wednesday was no exception, only this time I didn’t register the fact until I was in the business complex. _Shit._ I cursed to myself. _Well, since I’m already here, I might as well go in._ The thought had my heart increasing its tempo and I furrowed my brow, wishing I could scold it into submission. I got out of my car and locked it, taking a few deep breaths of cold air to try and calm myself as I made my way up to the door.

When I pulled it open, a certain green-eyed brunet raised his head from a big pile of papers he was looking through with a big smile. Until he saw who it was. I watched the phony smile slide off his face, his features arranged to display open confusion until, finally, a shy smile appeared. I wondered what he was thinking. Things had been left in a rather odd place the night of the Gala, and I got the feeling we were both a little unsure as to how we went about getting back to something that looked remotely normal for us. Eren decided to try first.

“I have your jacket,” he said it all in a rush like he was making some huge confession. What a dumbass. _A cute dumbass, though_.

“Hello to you, too, brat,” I smirked.

That brought some color to his cheeks. Though I’d hardly ever seen blushing Eren much in the past, I was getting addicted to the sight. I couldn’t help but think it would be a fun game to figure out all the ways I could provoke that reaction.

He cleared his throat. “Oh, right. Hi.” He studied me for a second. “Why are you here?”

Like hell I was telling him the truth. “I figured I’d stop by and give the place a surprise inspection so I could remind you of how shitty your cleaning skills are,” I baited him. He rose to it like clockwork.

“Hey, I worked hard on this place!” he objected. “I’ve been keeping it up, too, even though you haven’t bothered to come back.” The brat almost sounded bitter. It made me feel annoyingly guilty. _What do I have to be sorry for? I’ve been busy. I never made him any promises._ Still, as I noted the pout on the young man’s face I could not help but feel a like I had somehow let him down.

“Well, I’m here now brat, and I am not—” I had to stop myself from saying ‘impressed’ as I actually started looking around his office and down the hall. It wasn’t perfect—not by a long shot. It wasn’t anywhere _near_ my standards, but I was also pretty sure that unless the place was outright renovated that _I_ couldn’t get the place to my standards. _Wasn’t that door beige before?_ I stared at the door that was always left open in unadulterated disgust. I had avoided touching the doors as much as possible for ages now because they always felt slightly sticky, but even I hadn’t realized the extent of the filth. _This place was worse than I realized._ I had to suppress a shiver at the thought. “Okay, I’m impressed,” I admitted.

Eren beamed at the praise and I suddenly found myself wishing I complimented him more often. That expression, when directed at me, never failed to make something swell in my chest. I wasn’t ready to face that feeling just yet, though. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself brat. I’m still going to have to take a shower when I get home. Maybe two if I think about that door too hard,” I said, eyeing the rectangle of wood like it might spring to bite me.

“Levi?” I heard Petra’s voice call out from deeper in the building.

I looked over to Eren, who was still smiling at me, though not as intensely. “I will be back, brat,” I told him, fighting the urge to put as much physical distance between the door and me as possible and striding down to Petra’s office. Oluo was in there with her, staring at something on her computer screen.

As soon as he saw me, Oluo straightened. “Good evening, Sir!” I stared at him, not amused. I had always hated his weird hero-worship of me. Until briefly before Petra and I broke up, both her and Oluo had worked as my assistants at Survey Publishing. When Petra decided she was leaving, Oluo decided to go with her. It was just lucky he ended up getting hired on at the same place as her.

Oluo was like the most fucking obedient dog that ever existed. While I appreciated his ability to follow instruction and his surprising affinity for efficiency, I could stand to do without his emulation of me. It had gotten a little better since he had left the company with Petra, but he still would not stop addressing me formally.

“Levi!” Petra greeted me warmly from where she was seated. “What brings you by so late?” _Why does everyone have to keep fucking asking me why I’m here?_

“Do I need a reason?” I asked.

“Of course not, Sir!” Oluo contributed.

Petra looked at me with a knowing gleam in her eye. “No, you don’t. But I think there is one.”

“I’m not talking to you anymore,” I turned to walked back down the hallway.

“Oh, Levi, wait!” Petra called. I stopped and weighed my options for a second, finally deciding to turn back around to see what she wanted.

“I just wanted to know how Erwin, Erd, and Gunther are.” She looked at me with genuine interest in her eyes.

“They are all fine. Any other annoying questions you want to ask?” I didn’t expect a real reply to that, but I should have known better.

“When are you going to ask him out?” Mischief danced in Petra’s amber eyes.

“What?” Oluo immediately exclaimed, looking between Petra and me. “Ask who out?” I gave Petra one of my deadlier glares. I had been quite happy to have Oluo out of the loop on this one. I felt no need to include him now.

“I am leaving,” I said firmly, stalking back towards the front office. I heard giggles erupt behind me, making my scowl deepen. The brat was just where I left him. He turned to me as I entered the office, asking a question that made me feel both excited and nervous, not that he would ever know it.

“So, Levi… Do you think you are gonna make it this Friday?” I tried very hard to ignore the things the barely masked note of hope in his tone did to me. It made me want to get through the shit load of work I had waiting for me even more.

I indulged him in a small smile. “I’ll see what I can do, brat. No promises.” He couldn’t seem to decide if he should be pleased with that answer or not.

“Okay,” he said, mild disappointment evident. I didn’t like how much disappointed Eren bothered me.

“Quit looking like someone pissed in your water. The chances are good if I put in a little extra work after hours.”

“Can I help?” Eren seemed to speak the words before he really thought about them, for as soon as he finished speaking, he had a hand clamped over his mouth. He didn’t try to take the offer back, though.

“So you can turn my neatly organized desk into a chaotic monstrosity like this?” I questioned him, looking over the state of his workspace—which I swear had not changed from the last time I saw it. “I think I will manage. But thanks, brat.” I inwardly cringed at myself. I never used to thank Eren for things. Somehow the niceties just kept slipping out around him lately, though. Probably because his reaction was so damn cute.

Eren looked at me with those beautiful green eyes of his, and I found myself lost in them briefly until he spoke again. “I still have your jacket,” he muttered. _Oh, right. That._

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll just pick it up the next time I’m over. Don’t you even dare think about washing it, though. You dry clean that shit, and I don’t know that you could even get _that_ right.” Honestly, sometimes Eren’s apparent lack of common sense made me wonder how he had survived thus far. My guess was with help from Armin and his sister. The latter had a death glare to rival mine.

“I wouldn’t do that!” Eren said insistently. “Then it wouldn’t sm—” He abruptly cut himself off, emerald eyes wide. “I—I mean, I just… wouldn’t,” he finished lamely.

 _What the fuck was that?_ I asked myself. I didn’t push Eren on it, though. I figured I could only push my luck so far before something _really_ got awkward. Plus, I needed to get home and read some shitty manuscripts so I could spend some quality time with him this weekend. “Whatever, brat. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah,” Eren answered softly, making me wonder if he had really heard what I’d said at all. I didn’t look back as I left the building and walked back to my car. I didn’t think about Eren the whole way home, either. I was consumed by thoughts of work until I collapsed in my bed later that night.

Then all that existed was Eren.

~~~

By the time I walked into Rosa’s on Friday I was exhausted, anxious, and about as friendly as a ravenous wolverine. _The perfect combination to win someone over with._ I bitingly mused to myself. Of course, even if I was all those things internally, I maintained the outward appearance of being neutral and well-groomed. The slight deepening of the shadows beneath my eyes was hardly noticeable unless one was paying an absurd amount of attention to my features.

I had arrived well before any of the brats once again. There was a new kid checking ID’s at the door that I gave my darkest glower to when he looked like he was about to stop me. He looked conflicted, but was apparently sufficiently scared because he let me walk past. I headed straight to the bar and hopped up onto one of the stools. Hanji was nowhere in sight yet, but Mike was there. I nodded at him in greeting and requested a glass of Malbec, knowing Hanji always kept my favorite in stock for me. I was tempted to go for a finger or two of whisky, but I figured it would be better if I did not go hard tonight, seeing as I wished to be perfectly sober for the question I wanted to ask Eren later that evening.

I nursed my wine quietly, the sounds of the bar muted by my investment in my own thoughts. I had to enjoy the companionable silence with Mike while I had it because it would be gone the instant Hanji showed up. For the time being, I focused on calming myself—getting into a zone of levelheadedness like I did before a fight. I knew it would get easier once Eren was here. The anticipation of doing something was always worse than actually doing it. Once I was active I could concentrate on whatever my goal was without self-distraction. _That’s probably what my problem has been all along. I let myself get swept away by the brat. I wasn’t in a position to act the way I wanted to before._ Well, I was changing that tonight—or going to try to, at least.

Perhaps I was being a fool, trying to get my hands on some _kid_. Honestly, the thought that I was almost twenty when Eren was born was creepy. But he was an adult now, and I could not deny the connection between us. And after last week I knew beyond any shadow of doubt that it wasn’t just me who felt that way. He even had the courage to do what I had not. I hovered and teased without getting too serious. Eren had been ready to take action. He was dissuaded from that action easily enough, though. Granted, as soon as the horn blast destroyed the moment we were having I jumped on the topic of leaving. A big part of that had to do with me freezing my balls off, though. Years of discipline kept me from shaking like a leaf, but it was fucking _cold_ out that night.

But I didn’t want to let that happen again. As gross as I usually found kissing and the exchange of other bodily fluids, it just seemed _different_ with Eren. There was something pure about him that pulled me towards him from the core. Usually the mere thought of kissing someone would have me reaching for my mouthwash, but not so with Eren. I was not completely sure how I felt about tonguing him yet, but simple kissing actually sounded appealing. I’d had sex with my last couple of partners, but not without them jumping through a number of hoops, and I hardly ever kissed them. Maybe a quick peck on the lips in the morning or at night right after they had brushed their teeth, but I hadn’t done more since high school.

 _But Eren_ … I _wanted_ to do absolutely repulsive things with Eren, and I didn’t understand where those compulsions were coming from. I swore I had not thought about sex so much in years, but _damn_ I wanted to take that brat. I wanted to see those blue-green eyes of his consumed with lust and _begging_ me to fill him.

I rubbed a hand over my face and took a lengthy sip of wine. This was _not_ the place to be indulging in those thoughts. Plus, that’s all they were—thoughts. Whatever seemed possible in my head might be different in actuality. And I had absolutely no business considering such things until I actually had a chance at doing them. _One thing at a time._

“LEVI!” I didn’t look up right away, taking a deep breath to brace myself for the exhaustive force that was Hanji Zoe. She began chattering immediately. “You made it! They’re still coming tonight, right? Will Eren be here? What about his friends?” She let out a high pitched cry of delight,” I can’t wait to take more qualitative field notes!”

I suppressed a groan. “Hanji can’t you ever just say hello and leave it at that? I swear, if I have to listen to your shitty observations about the brats all night—”

She let out another jarring keen of glee, “So they _are_ coming! Levi, this is wonderful!” She beamed at me excitedly, which somehow made me feel twice as tired as I had before. I slumped on the bar slightly and picked up my glass, swirling its contents a little.

Her gaze turned to one of mild concern. “Levi are you—oh!” she gave a little exclamation, looking down and past the bar, over towards the door where three very familiar people were having their ID’s checked. I sat back up, my exhaustion abruptly forgotten, and my breath caught for a second, but I quickly got it back under control. I _would_ have command of myself tonight. I was tired of being swayed by this kid at every turn. Tonight was about getting something I wanted, and I _needed_ to be in charge of that. I had never liked just letting things “run their course.” I planned. I had been victim to the throes of my own feelings for too long. Even if I was never able to restrain myself around the brat again, I would do so tonight.

When the trio was cleared, Armin, Eren, and Marco’s eyes began roaming the establishment, looking for anyone they knew. The bright eyes I had marveled at from the first time I saw them quickly found mine, and I hardly registered the other two people as Eren led them to where I sat.

Eren looked good. He was wearing dark jeans that were snug-fitting without being too tight and a cream-colored sweater with a swirl of green and black across the chest. As he walked over he pushed the sleeves up to his elbows, showing his naturally tan skin. He hesitated only a moment before sitting down on the unoccupied stool to my left, giving me an easy smile as though nothing had been off between us recently. I felt my heart flutter a little. Although flustered Eren was enjoyable and amusing, I had missed the relaxed atmosphere we usually shared. Eren set his arms on the polished wood of the bar, letting his elbow graze mine ever so lightly.

“Hey, Levi.” Was the brat being bolder than usual tonight? What happened to the awkward blushing mess I left on Wednesday?

“Hi, brat,” I said back. I was so busy drowning in those blue-green pools the kid had for eyes that I momentarily forgot the two authors.

“Eren!” Hanji beamed. “It’s great to see you again!” I swear if there were not a counter in the way she would have been hugging him.

“It’s nice to see you outside of Survey,” Marco commented, forcing me to recall that Eren had not come alone.

“I hope you haven’t been waiting too long?” Armin asked conversationally.

“No.” Armin should really know by now that I was not so great with small talk.

“Can I get you guys something to drink?” Hanji piped.

Armin took a quick scan of the tables. “Actually, I think we’re going to grab a table and wait for the others first. But maybe you could start a couple of steak quesadillas for us? I’m sure Sasha will be hungry.” I had been looking at Armin while he spoke, but when he cast a meaningful glance at Eren I followed his gaze. I had to hold back my surprise that Eren still had his eyes trained on me.

He leaned forward suddenly. _What the hell does the brat think he’s doing?_ Eren was bold by nature, but this behavior was practically a 180 from what he had been like for the past month and a half. With Eren so close I noticed that his eyes looked a little glazed as he squinted at me. “You look tired,” he stated. “You didn’t push yourself too hard this week, did you?”

Marco put a gentle hand on Eren, pulling him back from my personal space. “Please excuse Eren. He’s already had a bit to drink tonight.”

Eren looked crossly at the author. “I had, like, two beers. I’m not even tipsy!”

Armin walked over to my other side and leaned in a little, speaking lowly. “Just try to make him take it easy. He drank them kind of fast.”

“Got it,” I muttered back.

Armin straightened and called for Marco’s attention, “Hey, Marco, help me pick out a table.”

“Sure,” Marco replied cheerily.

 _Wait, why am I being left alone with the brat? Not that I’m complaining…_ I was now twice as sure as I had been before that Armin knew something was up. Further evidence of my shameful lack of finesse when it came to Eren. I could be appalled by myself later, though. Right now I had Eren in front of me, mostly sober, but definitely a little looser than normal. As he leaned in towards me a little again, I decided I liked him that way. “Seriously, Levi; have you been sleeping?” His eyes shimmered with concern.

As much as I wanted to focus on Eren, though, I couldn’t. Not with Hanji’s face a foot away, staring at us with her head propped in her hands.

“Would you fuck off, Four-Eyes?” I snapped. She popped up immediately.

“Oops! Sorry! I was just wondering if Eren wanted something to drink.” Her eyes glinted impishly. I glared.

“Yeah, I’ll have a Jack Daniels,” Eren told her.

“Mike, you got that?” she sang to the other bartender, who nodded to her as she scurried down the bar, grabbed a notepad and headed out to the spread of booths and tables, probably to victimize poor Armin and Marco.

 “Levi,” Eren’s tone was now one of displeasure, his features scrunched up to match. “You keep avoiding my question.”

“I’m fine, Eren,” I tried to not sound exasperated by his persistence on the subject. “I’m better off than you. Why would you drink before coming to a bar?” As something occurred to me I found myself concerned. “Did something happen?”

Eren shook his head slowly, a somewhat secretive smile crossing his lips. “No. I just wanted to relax a little.”

That actually did concern me a bit. “Self-medication is not a particularly healthy way of coping, Eren.” Mike set the glass down in front of Eren and he downed it. I was actually impressed, though now worried he would not be as lucid as I wanted him on this particular evening.

“Oh, and what do you do to unwind? Yoga?” The shit was clearly being sarcastic, so I decided to play it straight.

“Yes.”

He looked at me stupidly for a moment until I nudged his elbow with mine a little. “Close your mouth, you shit, that’s gross. I actually go shooting when I need to blow off some steam.”

That answer seemed to make more sense to him. Even without knowing anything about my background I doubted people would pick me out as a yoga fanatic over a sharpshooter. Not that I made a habit of polling people on the subject.

“Do you have a gun?” he asked. I was a little surprised he wanted to know, but answered him anyway.

“Yeah.”

Eren made a little noise like he expected that and nodded his head. I reached for my glass of wine again.

“What is that?” He was eyeing the contents of my glass curiously.

“Red wine,” I said.

He gave me an aggravated look that made the corner of my lip twitch up.

“I meant _what kind_ of red wine, asshole.”

“It’s a Malbec,” I told him.

“Malbec?” his eyebrows drew together.

“It’s mostly known as an Argentinean wine, but there are other countries that produce it.” I held the glass out to him. “Would you like to try it?” As soon as I offered the drink to Eren, I knew the kid had work some kind of magic over me. I also knew I could kiss him. I never offered to share my food or drink with anyone, unless I partitioned off a portion for them. I never let lips or teeth or tongue anywhere near my food, but I didn’t mind the thought of Eren contaminating my drink at all. I didn’t even consider it contamination.

Eren wrapped his fingers around the stem of my glass and sniffed at it before taking a small sip. He paused for a moment, considering the flavor before setting the glass down and sliding it back over to me. “It’s good, for a red wine. I’m not big on it, but that’s probably the best I’ve had.”

I smiled a little, “Then you have decent taste.”

“Who said your taste was good?” he countered.

“Don’t be stupid, brat.” It was nice being able to quip with him again. I had gotten snippets of this Eren, but lately Eren had been far too quiet. I was glad things between us were stabilizing. Especially because I might be about to throw everything out of whack again.

We continued talking like that for a while. Eren ordered another drink but actually took the time to taste it this time around. Eventually he chose to look out through the sea of people who had been accumulating and jerked a little in surprise. “When did everyone get here?” he asked in disbelief. I turned in the direction he was looking to find that, indeed, most of his shitty friends that I had met last time were already present, plus a few I didn’t know. The horse seemed to be getting pretty cozy with Marco, though even as I watched them he glanced towards Eren. Eren didn’t seem to notice.

 _Poor Marco. Someone should warn him._ It wasn’t going to be me, though. I was too busy with a certain brunet.

“Why didn’t they come get us?” Eren questioned, even though he did not seem particularly bothered by this fact, shifting his body so one of his knees brushed mine. I made no effort to move.

“Levi…” he tilted his body forward, and looked at me in a way that had my insides twisting furiously and my dress shirt feeling too hot. He didn’t go on.

“What, Eren?” My mouth felt a little dry, so I casually reached for my wine.

Eren gave me another enigmatic little smile. “Nothing.” Yeah, this kid was a little tipsy. I took a gulp of wine to steel myself. Eren’s eyes were burning into me, giving me a look I knew well. A look I had even seen on his face before, just not directed at me.

I had made so many choices up to that point. I probably shouldn't have made half of them, but it didn't matter anymore and I didn't care. I made my choices, and good or not, I lived with the consequences. But if I was being honest, I didn't regret them. I couldn't. Not with this fucking brat looking at me with those fucking green eyes _that_ way. I had been as afraid to name the emotion in his eyes as I had been to name my own, but tonight I _knew_. I wasn't going to ignore it anymore. I knew the look he was giving me. I had made the decision last week that I wasn’t going to run from it anymore. I might get hurt. That scared me. But I knew far too well by now that these feelings weren't going away, and I was tired of pretending. Either he'd accept me or he wouldn't. I had been afraid of his rejection, concerned it would ruin the relationship we did have, but I refused to spend the rest of my life in this miserable state. I needed a straight, clear answer, and then maybe I could get on with my life.

"Eren?" I asked, wanting to make sure I had his attention. The brat was definitely buzzed, but he had been holding our conversation well enough that I did not feel I was in danger of him not remembering this happened tomorrow morning. Eren cocked his head at me.

"Yeah, Levi?" I almost scoffed at the playful undertone of his voice. I couldn't imagine him using that lilt while sober.

 _Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all_. Looking into his eyes, though, I couldn't bring myself to sway my decision.

"Have lunch with me next Saturday." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER 9 IS NEXT GUYS!!!! I know, duh. Of course 9 comes after 8, but the scene that started the whole fic is in there, so I'm excited. I literally woke up one day and randomly wrote this scene and then I was like, "Well, this can either sit in my computer for all eternity where no one will ever see it except myself on occasion, or I can create an entire story around it and post it to AO3." So I started writing Chapter 1. Don't worry, though, that scene is nowhere near the end of this (Unless you really want it to be over already--but then I'm not sure why you would still be reading...). ;)
> 
> On a side note, I really liked writing Levi's POV even though I've been very afraid of people's reactions. I kind of want to write more from his perspective, but I dunno... I feel like I would maybe like people to see inside Levi's head for some of his future actions, but this chapter is almost 6000 words (which I think is a record), and the aside was around 9000, I think? Levi has too much to say. Ugh. I don't know. I will think on this.
> 
> Again, please help me destroy typos. I try. But my brain does weird things and it's the AM for me at the moment.
> 
> Oh, and Happy Early Valentine's Day, if you happen to celebrate it. <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren and Levi are dorks, but they actually make some progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think the fact that I get kudos/bookmarks/comments will ever cease to amaze me. Thank you to all of you who are giving my little story attention!! Btw, getting an email that I have a comment never fails to make my day, so don’t be afraid to talk to me! :) If you have any questions or anything, that’s fine, too. I also have a tumblr, if that’s your thing.
> 
> Also, I recently discovered that there are people who have recommended some of my stories on tumblr and I’m SUPER honored. Thank you!
> 
> ANYWAY. Levi and Eren out at lunch being massive dorks, guys. That’s how this story started. This chapter is by far the longest yet, so I hope you guys don’t just find it really boring, lol. That would be too bad BECAUSE THEY’RE FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE.
> 
> That’s all I’m gonna say for now. Let me know if you find any typos and I will destroy them as soon as I can. ;) Enjoy?

My mind had gone blank for a second, and then had to slowly reboot. For an instant I thought Levi was asking me on a date, but quickly realized that, as much as I wanted that to be the case, it would be in my best interest to assume it wasn’t. If I assumed that it was, and then was wrong, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to live down the ensuing mortification. But just because it wasn’t a date didn’t mean I didn’t want to go. After all, I had told him I wanted to know more about him. This was an opportunity to do just that. Plus, even if I had wanted to, I was certain I couldn’t have given him a different answer. I could have had a flight schedule to take me to the Caribbean that day and I would have said the same thing:

“Okay.”

We had a little bit of idle discussion after that. We worked out the logistics of when, where, etcetera. It turned out that there was a little café not ten minutes away from my apartment with Armin that Levi was particularly fond of. I guessed that to mean it was really clean and he trusted the people that worked to not spit in his food or whatever the hell he got paranoid about. We also (well, he, really) decided that he would pick me up in his car and take me there. Furthermore he insisted that he would be paying for everything, going so far as to threaten my physical wellbeing if I even brought my wallet with me (I had to remind myself that I wasn’t going to think of it as a date). I had complained that if we were knocked unconscious or killed no one would ever know my identity. He found that idea pretty preposterous, but told me I could bring whatever I wanted as long as I couldn’t pay with it. That seemed more reasonable to me.

Then everything in my memory got fuzzy, because I began drinking way too much in an effort to calm myself from being asked to casually hangout with Levi. It worked, I guess, because I started falling asleep. You’re not supposed to fall asleep in bars, but Hanji must have not cared because I woke to Levi staring at me with this funny look on his face just before Armin came over and said we were packing it up for the night.

The next day I woke up feeling horribly nauseous and spent the morning vomiting. If I were religious, I would have been thanking God it was the weekend, glad I didn’t have to go to work and could just spend the day shut up in my room trying to sleep. Since Armin largely got to work whenever and wherever he wanted, he stayed home and made sure I ate a little, making sure to heavily chastise me for drinking so much.

By evening I was feeling a little better, and finally decided to go downstairs just as Armin was putting a frozen pizza in the oven.

“Feeling better?” he asked as he pulled out things we’d need for later, like plates and a pizza cutter.

“Mm,” I hummed as I slumped in one of the kitchen chairs, watching him for a minute. “Levi asked me out to lunch next Saturday,” I said in a rather lifeless voice without offering any prologue. In the wake of my horrible hangover, I hadn’t gotten a chance to tell him. I still didn’t really feel like I was in the right state of mind to tell him something so significant. The dull throbbing in my temples made me feel like I wasn’t entirely present.

Armin whirled on me immediately, almost dropping the glass he held in his fingers, but he made a speedy recovery. “ _What?!_ ” he cried, making me grimace. Even after sleeping all day, I kind of just wanted to go back to bed. I needed to at least _try_ to be a member of the living, though. As long as Armin could keep it the hell down.

“Not so loud,” I pleaded.

“Sorry,” he said, immediately back to his usual soft way of speaking. “He finally asked you out?”

I felt my heart jump and a little burst of life come back to my body. I pushed it away. “No!” I hurriedly denied. Armin looked at me skeptically. “Well, I—I don’t know, really. His exact words were ‘Have lunch with me next Saturday,’ and I just decided not to read too much into it just in case it’s not a date.”

“It’s a date,” Armin said confidently.

“You can’t know that,” I told him.

“Eren, please don’t tell me you’re still doubting Levi is interested. You two would be hard pressed to make your feelings anymore obvious.” I gaped at him, at a loss for what to say. I knew that everyone gave me a hard time at Thanksgiving, but…

“Eren, you do realize that you and Levi weren’t alone yesterday, right? You were at a bar, with a room full of witnesses to testify that you were making eyes at each other all night.

I felt my cheeks flush, a rush of clarity flooding my tired brain. _I’m such an idiot_. What had been really stupid was the fact that I was so nervous to face Levi again that I’d decided a beer beforehand would be a good idea. Only that was gone in about five minutes, and instead of waiting for that one to have some effect, I chugged another one. Then Armin came back from showing Marco, whom we had invited over, our sparse living space and saw what I was doing and cut me off. I had been pretty pissed off at the time, but I was grateful for it now. I was already aware of what a colossal idiot I’d been acting like with Levi—I had been _way_ more personal with him than I ever had before. Of course, it was thrilling when he never made an attempt to push me away. It genuinely had not occurred to me that other people could see us, though. _Fuck, I’m never going to hear the end of this one._

“Just because—” I started my rebuttal, only to have Armin cut in again.

“Eren, no,” he said, giving me a firm look, like I was his pet dog instead of his best friend. “Let me inform you of something. You remember Erwin, right?”

I made a face, the image of Erwin touching Levi the first thing that popped into my head. “Yeah,” I said rather reluctantly.

“And I’m sure you noticed that he and Levi are close?”

I ground my teeth together, remembering what Levi had said about Erwin and reminding myself that he actually seemed like a nice guy, even if he was touchier than I liked. “Yeah.”

 “I think we both know that Levi isn’t really the type to talk, but if Erwin and Levi are close like you and I are, I’d be willing to bet that they know when one of them is interested in someone. What I find interesting is that every single time I see Erwin, he asks about you. It’s not like when Levi asks about you, though. You can tell Levi actually wants to know the answer. Erwin is looking for information. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I believe the most likely reason for this is that Levi has told him he likes you, but won’t give him any other information, so he tries to get answers out of me instead. Erwin is astute, and he’s protective of Levi. Not in an overbearing way,” he said when he saw the sharp look I gave him. “You can just tell he cares. Levi has an abrasive personality and if you watch Erwin closely, you can see how he tries to get people to refrain from judging him too quickly. Anyway, my point was that it’s not just Levi’s behavior that makes me think he likes you. His friend’s actions support it, too. But Levi’s behavior is really obvious. Stop ignoring the signs, Eren.” Armin leaned forward to emphasize his next words. “It’s a date.”

I put my face in my hands and groaned, but didn’t offer any further arguments. Hope was whirling in the entirety of my body—far too much for me to quell. Deep down I thought Armin was right, but I really didn’t want to listen to him. Hope was dangerous. Even if I was pretty sure the chances of him being wrong were small, I really didn’t want to deal with the humiliation and disappointment if that small percentage ended up being the truth. _We’ll see._ I told myself. I would go out with Levi and try not to have any expectations.

~~~

Not having expectations turned out to be harder than I thought, though I was able to distract myself from thinking about Saturday some of the time by thinking about what Christmas presents I was going to buy for people since it was literally next week and I hadn’t done any shopping yet. Of course, that eventually led me to wondering if I should buy a present for Levi or not, but I decided to ignore that question until I saw how Saturday went. I really didn’t want to form any assumptions about if we had the kind of relationship that warranted that or not until our… whatever it was, was over.

Continuing to not have expectations turned out to be especially difficult on Friday afternoon. Petra asked me if I had plans for the weekend, and I told her I was having lunch with a friend, and she immediately started teasing me about having a date. I protested heavily, but it didn’t dissuade her at all. In fact, I had to listen to her make little remarks the rest of the day and Oluo joined her in poking fun at me, pointing out my crimson cheeks with such frequency that I had to constantly remind myself that I was an adult and I couldn’t afford to be fired from another job for punching someone. The first time had been stupid enough, but I felt I had a better excuse for that than ‘I was irritated and embarrassed.’ I just held my breath and listened to myself counting in my head instead of him.

~~~

I woke up a complete mess Saturday. First off, I was so nervous/excited (I honestly wasn’t sure what I felt anymore) that I hardly slept in anticipation of the next day. Secondly, after I _did_ manage to really fall asleep, I slept so soundly that I didn’t hear my alarm go off and Armin had to come in and wake me up a half hour before Levi was supposed to be there. Normally that would be plenty of time, especially since I didn’t have to worry about eating, but that particular morning I actually cared about my appearance. I couldn’t decide what to wear and my hair seemed twice as unruly as usual. And Levi had a tendency to be early. _Shit, shit, shit._ I chanted in my head as I took one of the fastest showers of my life and even used Armin’s hair dryer, not wanting to go out with my hair sopping wet in the winter, even if the sun was shining for once.

After finally settling on wearing a pair of dark red skinny-jeans and a plain, long-sleeved, black sweater with one of my heavier gray jackets, I went to brush my teeth and look myself over one more time. I walked downstairs just as Levi was letting himself in. _Figures he would. That’s definitely something a date isn’t suppose to do. They’re supposed to knock or ring the doorbell or whatever. This isn’t a date._

Levi raked his eyes over me once in a way that almost made me shudder. “You look nice,” he said. He did, too. He was dressed a little more casually than usual, but still nice—he had a dark gray pea coat on, open to reveal a rich red v-neck sweater and a really nice-looking dress scarf that somehow managed to be the exact same shade of black as his slacks.

I heard Armin come up behind me to where I had frozen at the bottom of the staircase. The first thing out of his mouth had me blushing to the tips of my ears even though it really wasn’t that big of a deal. “You match.”

Levi looked more amused by that observation than anything, a tiny smirk appearing on his lips. “It would appear so,” he drawled. “You ready, brat?”

I no longer seemed to have the capacity to speak, so I just nodded and started walking towards him.

“Have fun!” Armin said cheerily as Levi held the door for me somewhat impatiently.

“Yeah,” I croaked back, while Levi just nodded before pulling the door shut behind us.

We walked down the few steps leading to the parking lot and Levi opened the passenger side door of his Porsche for me like the gentleman he occasionally was before going over to his own side and slipping in.

The journey to the café was silent and short; it really was only a few minutes from my place, just like he said. He parked on the street, and when I opened my own door, the scowl he gave me was so severe, I almost closed it again just so he could open it for me. My heart would not stop thudding loudly. _It’s not a date, Eren._

I made sure to let him hold the door to the restaurant open, a pretty script declaring the establishment “Mari’s” on the front.

As soon as we were through the door, a peppy redheaded waitress sprung up out of seemingly nowhere. “Levi! You’re back!” she exclaimed, a happy grin on her face. Then she took note of me. “Oo, is this a new author?” she asked with immense curiosity.

“No,” Levi responded. “I’m not here on business. Care to take us to a booth now?” he forcefully suggested.

The perky redhead—“Isabel,” her nametag read—seemed even more interested in me than before, and maybe somewhat suspicious. “Of course!” she smiled at Levi before grabbing a couple of menus and stepping down an aisle of tables. She kept glancing at me over her shoulder as she guided us to a booth by the front windows.

“Would you like to order drinks, or do you need a minute?” she queried, her voice still chipper.

“I will have black tea,” Levi told her, eyes already occupied by his menu. She looked to me.

“Um…” I glanced at the menu for a moment before realizing looking for the drinks would take way longer than just asking, “Do you have Coke products?”

“Yes, we do!”

“Oh, uh, then I’ll just have a Coke,” I told her.

“Just regular?” she confirmed. I nodded and she assured us she’d be back in a few for our orders.

I looked over at Levi, Isabel's absence now making me feel very… _alone_ with Levi. I had been alone with him plenty of times before—much less alone than this—but I felt antsy today. Levi was going unusually out of his way for me, and the café was rather cute and cozy. Isabel and the other female employees I spotted had these frilly aprons on and the men wore crisp dress shirts and ties. The pictures adorning the walls featured lots of couples and the atmosphere just seemed _intimate_ in a way I couldn’t really put my finger on. I thought back to Levi’s lack of rejection of me last Friday.

It was getting harder and harder to deny myself the thought that this could be a date.

With a sigh I finally began looking at my menu. It had pretty standard food for a café—a variety of sandwiches, most of which could be toasted, and some soups and salad. I decided to have the aged cheddar broccoli soup and shut my menu, waiting for our waitress to return. As soon as my menu was no longer blocking my face, however, I realized Levi was looking my way.

“Know what you want?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I was feeling _super_ eloquent today.

“Isabel!” he called sharply to the woman who was just walking away from another booth a few over from ours, holding a tray with a couple of drinks on it with her.

“Ready, bro?” she turned around and asked with a toothy smile, setting our drinks down in front of us.

I looked to Levi for an explanation, but he wasn’t paying attention to me anymore, a frown directed at the redhead. “I will have the roasted turkey breast sandwich,” he informed her, completely ignoring what she’d called him.

“Aw, you’re no fun, Levi.” Her tone didn’t make her sound that disappointed. “What about you?” she asked me. I was beginning to wonder if maintaining that level of pep was tiresome. I ordered my soup and Isabel was about to swoop off again when Levi stopped her.

“You will make sure Farlan is the one to prepare our food, right?” The look on his face was solemn.

“Of _course_ I will. What do you take me for?” Finally her aura of happiness cracked, a little bit of insult creeping into her voice. I suddenly got the feeling I would not want to take this lady on in a fight.

“You know I have to ask, Isabel,” was all he offered her.

Her face softened and she nodded, snapping back into her bubbly persona and heading towards the back of the restaurant.

“You can choose who cooks your food here?” I asked as soon as she was gone.

“I can,” he responded cryptically.

I didn’t let his enigmatic behavior deter me. “How do you know her?”

“Isabel? She was another foster kid. We were placed in the same home for a while. It is why she called me ‘bro.’ We’re not related.”

 _Ah, that makes sense._ “So it’s kinda like Mikasa and me.”

He considered that a moment. “Yeah, something like that.”

Without a menu to hide behind anymore, I idly looked down at my hands. Typically my time with Levi was spent by his side, not face to face. My stomach churned with both hunger and nerves, as I pondered what Levi was thinking.

“Oi, Eren.” Levi’s voice was soft—softer than usual. I looked up at him and there was something… gentle? in his blue-gray eyes. “Are you okay? You look constipated.”

For once, there wasn’t a truckload of sarcasm behind the statement. He actually seemed _concerned_. Somehow the absurdity of his explicit talk of bodily functions combined with his care struck me in the mood I was in just right to make me laugh. I laughed loud and hard, making a few people turn their heads towards our booth. Slowly my laughs turned into snickers, but they died completely when I regarded Levi’s face again.

He looked like I had slapped him.

“Shit. Levi, I’m sorry. I wasn’t really laughing at you. I mean, I didn’t mean to. I’m just in a weird mood and… I don’t know. You talk about shit like other people talk about the weather.” The shock on Levi’s face faded and the corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly.

“Shit is just as interesting a topic as the weather. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“Talking about your bowel movements is personal in a way the weather isn’t,” I pointed out.

Levi shrugged “I don’t see why people find it so private. Everybody does it.”

_Great, I finally get a chance to know Levi better and we end up talking about shit._

I looked up to see a waiter with a tray of food come to stand at our table. He recited the orders and Levi and I claimed our individual meals. My soup was steaming and smelled delicious. I was already salivating. A big chunk of bread was sitting next to it, too.

Levi picked up his sandwich and took a bite, which I took as my cue to begin eating as well. I took a spoonful of soup and blew on it, trying to get it to cool slightly before shoving it in my mouth. It was delicious. “ _Mmm_ ,” I moaned a little bit around my spoon, savoring the flavor.

Levi put down his sandwich and fixed me with a look, so I froze where I was with the spoon still in my mouth, looking at him with wide eyes. He cleared his throat a little. “So, Eren, when is your birthday?”

I just stared at him for a stretch of time, not having expected that question at all. Eventually I pulled the spoon from my lips with a small squelch. “March 30th,” I finally answered, realizing that this was exactly the opportunity I was looking for. I finally felt some of the tension in my body relax. I really needed to stop getting so worked up. I had been around Levi for ages, and now I could really get to know him. Levi had invited me here himself, so I obviously wasn’t unwanted. Like Armin had told me, he must like me for who I am. I just needed to calm down and actually act like myself. “When is yours?”

He hesitated. “Christmas.”

My eyes grew in surprise. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“But that’s just in a few days!” I cried.

“Keep it down you shit,” he groused. “I know.”

“Do you have plans?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t spend Christmas and his birthday alone, and fully prepared to invite him to spend it with Armin, Mikasa, and me if need be.

“Erwin and Hanji usually keep me company,” he stated.

“Oh, that’s good.” I tried to mask the little bit of disappointment I felt. _Wait, Erwin and Hanji?_

“Don’t they have families?” I was certain that at least Erwin was older than Levi, and my guess was that Hanji was, too, and he was at an age where most people were married with a couple of kids.

Levi made a face I couldn’t interpret. “Erwin, no. Hanji doesn’t believe in marriage, but she has a life partner named Moblit. They have been together for… fuck. Eleven years?”

“Why doesn’t Erwin…” I trailed off before I could finish my question, realizing that it was none of my business. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that,” I muttered, looking down at my food and ripping off a piece of bread.

“I doubt he would mind,” Levi said. “It’s really not even a story, but if you’d feel more comfortable having him tell you, you can ask him yourself.” That took me aback. Did he expect me to be spending time with Erwin? I really couldn’t think of any reason for us to spend any significant span of time together.

Instead of saying any of that, though, I just went with, “Okay.”

Levi began eating again and we chewed in silence for a few minutes. I really wanted to ask him something else, but of course now that I was with him, I couldn’t think of anything. At least nothing that was either really trivial or probably too personal. For instance, I would love to know what his sexual orientation actually was, but some people didn’t like having those kinds of conversations in public places. _Another time, maybe._

“How is your food, brat?” I raised my head to meet Levi’s captivating eyes, and inspiration struck me.

“Almost as good as a nice long shit,” I said as neutrally as I could manage.

Levi smiled— _actually_ _smiled_ —and I literally forgot how to breathe for a moment.

I would spend the rest of my life trying to recreate that smile.

It only lasted a moment, but it was perfect. Contrary to what someone who knew him would think, it didn’t look forced or out of place on his face at all. It transformed him. I didn’t think I’d ever really seen his teeth before, but they were flawless, just like everything else about this man. I stared at him, dazzled, my face feeling flushed.

“If I yanked on your ears would steam come out?” Levi’s voice broke through my daze.

“Wait, what?”” I questioned, totally lost.

“Well,” he started, “You’ve been holding your breath for about a minute now, and you’re so red, I just assumed that it’s so hot inside your body that all the moisture has converted to steam. I was wondering if I yanked on your ears if I could get it to come out.”

I continued to stare at him, dumbfounded. Was that a… joke?

“I was joking, you shit. Don’t look at me like I’ve got six heads.”

Levi had an… interesting… sense of humor, but that was definitely the worst attempt at wit I’d ever heard.

Suddenly I started to feel a little lightheaded and finally remembered myself. I took a nice deep breath and collected myself before responding.

“Your jokes are shit.”

“My jokes are perfect.”

I rolled my eyes, his spell over me finally broken, but that didn’t stop my mind from flashing that memory of his smile in my head every few moments, and each time it caught my breath anew.

“Eren, what _is_ going on in that head of yours?”

“Nothing,” I muttered, looking to the side and feeling another blush creep into my cheeks.

“Well, not that that surprises me, but you’d better start paying attention, or else you are going to drown in that soup. And if you begin dying because of something that stupid, I’m not saving you.”

I blinked and looked down at the bowl below me. Right, we had food. We were eating together. He had picked me up. He was paying. He was opening doors for me…

 _…Is this a date?_ I finally stopped outright denying that it was and allowed myself to wonder.

However, in the next moment I deeply regretted that, clapping a hand over my mouth when I realized that the look Levi was giving me meant it was not as ‘to myself’ as I had intended. I must have turned about five different shades of red in the span of ten seconds as alarm bells rang in my head to warn me, too late, that I had just asked something colossally stupid. I stopped breathing for a second again as I panicked before realizing I needed to try and fix the situation, so I slowly withdrew the hand covering the lower half of my face.

“I—I’m so sorry. Just ignore that, okay? I really didn’t mean to say that out loud; sometimes things just come out, you know? Not everything I think, I mean, but sometimes they just slip out and Mikasa and Armin yell at me for it all the time, but I really can’t help it; gosh Levi I’m so sorry…“ I rambled out, picking up speed as I spoke, when suddenly a surprisingly gentle hand laid itself over mine on the table. I stared at it for a moment before following it back up to its owner, which was, obviously, Levi.

I was still startled.

“What else did you think it would be?” he asked.

“Just two friends hanging out?” I tried.

“That was a rhetorical question, you dumbass.”

“Oh,” Was all I could manage at first, my eyes locked back on his hand over mine and mind totally focused on the feeling of his rather chilly palm pressed against the back of my hand. His thumb began tracing little circles over my skin, and I just about died… or maybe exploded? I didn’t know, but whatever the feeling was that filled me at that small action, I didn’t think my body could contain it. I felt like a fucking teenager again. My limited dating experience was really coming to kick me in the ass. Too much was going on for my mind to process, so I closed my eyes and just concentrated on the rhythm of those circles, soothing and unbroken as they made their circuit across my flesh. Very rapidly they became the calming sensation they were intended to be, instead of an overwhelming one; I finally opened my eyes to look at Levi. “It could have been just as friends,” was finally, my then very belated, response.

“I asked you out in a bar,” Levi deadpanned.

“I know!” I began my protest, “But it wasn’t like you were _picking me up_ in a bar! I just thought you were trying to make plans with me, and it just happened to be in a bar.”

“Nobody makes casual plans in a bar,” he declared.

“Well some people do!” I countered.

“Only you, Eren.” Levi rolled his eyes.

I opened my mouth to object again, but then my mind caught on something.

Eren.

Levi had said my name countless times before. In fact, I was pretty sure he’d said it multiple times this very outing. But suddenly it was like I was hearing it for the first time from his lips. It sounded different to me, and I liked the way it warmed my chest.

“Fine, whatever,” I mumbled, not really caring anymore. I was suddenly feeling very bashful again.

“Hey, Eren,” my heart jolted, “Look at me.”

A little hesitantly, I complied.

“I like you, okay?” He said bluntly. “And I didn’t mean to secretly get you to agree to go on a date with me,” he continued, and began withdrawing his hand from mine, “So if this isn’t what you want, tell me now, and you can consider the issue dropped.”

As soon as I felt his hand moving away with those words washing over me, my body once again did something without the consent of my mind. Right before Levi finished speaking, and just before he could make it disappear underneath the table again, my hand shot out and grabbed his.

His eyes actually widened. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him that surprised.

“No.” I said firmly. “I—I like you too. A lot, “ I admitted, that familiar heat rising to my face.

He considered me a moment, his face back to its neutral mask, but his eyes shone with a light that I could have sworn wasn’t there a minute ago. Suddenly the café felt much too small, and I felt we were much to exposed for the intimate moment we were having.

It was like Levi read my mind. “Why don’t we get some to-go boxes for our food and get out of here,” he said. It wasn’t a question, but I nodded my head anyway. I couldn’t have agreed more.

~~~

Levi had flagged down Isabel again to get us our bill and some plastic containers and drove us to a nearby park, warning me that if I spilled anything in his car I’d be a dead man. We found a bench and unpacked our food again, savoring it in the quiet of the crisp air. With it being as cold as it was, only the occasional jogger came along. It was much better than the café. I didn’t feel nearly as overwhelmed being outdoors. The silence that lay over us as we ate reminded me of our times sharing the couch in the living room, only we were sitting much closer. It was comfortable. It felt… _right_. My brain was still playing catch-up trying to discern what had just happened, but I was really, really happy. Happier than I could remember being in a long time. There was still an undercurrent of nerves, though.

When we finished with our food Levi offered to take my garbage to a nearby trashcan for me and when he returned, he didn’t sit down.

“Would you like to take a walk?” Was it just me, or did he seem a little jittery himself? “It’s cold, but it’s nice out.”

“O-Okay,” I stuttered a little, as I rose from my seat, and I chose to blame it on the cold.

As we started down the paved walkway through the park, the feeling of comfort slowly began to dissipate as my nerves swelled. Levi was being so quiet. I guess that really wasn’t unusual, but I _really_ wanted him to say something. I didn’t know what I could possibly be looking for after he said he liked me… maybe for him to say it again? I was now having a hard time believing it had actually happened. I hadn’t hallucinated that, right? _No, it happened. I know it did. But what does this mean for us? Are we together? Is he even okay with dating me when I live with someone he works with? There couldn’t be some weird rule about that… could there?_

A few more minutes of footsteps and silence went by as questions rushed through my mind. Levi had his hands in his coat pockets and seemed pretty at ease. His cheeks were colored a little, but I was pretty sure that was genuinely from the cold. He hadn’t been blushing in the restaurant—I didn’t think he had, anyway—and the air _was_ pretty biting even with the sun out.

I wished again for him to speak. Or hold my hand. He didn’t really seem like the handholding type, actually, but I just wanted _some_ kind of confirmation that this wasn’t a fucked up joke or something. Even if he would _look_ at me.

I struggled internally for a little while longer before I could no longer contain the urge to say something. “Levi…” I didn’t know how to start this. I really didn’t want to fuck things up right after we’d figured out our feelings for each other, but I feared my brain might implode if I didn’t get some questions answered. “What… does this mean?”

Levi finally turned to look at me and cocked one of his thin black eyebrows at my question, “Would you like to be a little more vague, Eren?” He seemed amused. I scowled at his sarcasm.

“I’m being serious!” I raised my voice unintentionally in frustration, and the playful gleam left Levi’s eye. Shit. I hadn’t meant to do that. I really needed him to take me seriously for once, though. “We like each other, but… are we dating?”

Levi contemplated me for a long moment. “Do you want to be?”

At first, I was irritated by him basically asking my own question back at me, but then I realized his inquiry was valid. _Did_ I want us to be dating? I had been aware of my feelings for over a month now, but altogether it wasn’t that much. Levi had likely liked me for longer than that, but I really didn’t know. I’d been watching Levi for a long time… I didn’t doubt the sincerity of my feelings, but still… was it wise to just jump into a relationship? Would he even agree to it if I said I wanted to? We were only having our first date today.

Levi had kept his eyes on the path in front of us, giving me some privacy as I ordered my thoughts. I gradually slowed my steps, until I was totally stopped in the middle of the path. A jogger that I had been too preoccupied to hear coming ran around me, giving me a displeasured look over her shoulder as she went past. I shuffled over to the side of the path where Levi was now stopped, too, waiting for me.

“I…” I started cautiously, looking into his eyes as best I could and trying to pick my words with great care for once. My heart was thudding almost painfully in my chest. “I’ve liked you for a while. I would really like to date you, but I also know that this all may seem a bit sudden. I don’t want to push you into something you don’t want—”

The crease between Levi’s eyes became more pronounced. “Who said I didn’t want that, shitty brat?” he cut in. “Don’t go putting words in other people’s mouths.”

That took me aback, and what little nerve I had mustered dissolved. “I—I didn’t mean—” A finger curled under my jaw silenced me as I stared down in shock at Levi. His blue eyes were dark and fathomless. I wanted to move, wanted to speak, but suddenly I was robbed of the knowledge of how to do those things. I could only stare at Levi and try to control my breathing, some distant part of my mind wondering if this should be happening in the middle of a public park.

“Oi, Eren. Calm down. While you’re kind of cute like this, you need to get a hold of yourself.” _Cute_. My cheeks, which had been freezing a second ago, felt like they were on fire. _He called me cute._

“Yeah, no shit I called you cute.” My eyes widened as I realized that my mouth had sold my thoughts out for the second time that day. I glanced off to the side, refusing to look Levi in the eyes even if his hand was preventing me from moving my head. “Look, you dumbass—no actually fucking look at me, Eren.” I swallowed hard at complied, instantly being sucked in by the look he was giving me. It was serious and fervent, and maybe the tiniest bit concerned. As soon as he seemed sure I wasn’t going to look away again, he dropped his hand. I tried to ignore the part of me that was disappointed by that. “I wouldn’t mind dating you, even if you are a shitty brat.” I frowned a little bit at the qualification, even though there was nothing but fondness in his tone. “But you seem to need some time to process all of this. So why don’t we take things slow for now, and you can tell me when you are ready.”

My brain had hardly processed his words when I was speaking, “I’m ready!”

Levi looked at me strangely for a moment, then his face contorted, somehow caught in between incredulity and laughter. “Do you ever listen when other people speak, brat?” he finally asked.

“No!” I shouted, then quickly tried to backpedal, realizing that wasn’t what I meant to say. “I mean, I do! It’s true that I’m kind of overwhelmed. It’s just… I…” The breath in my lungs suddenly seemed to vanish. I struggled to replace it, knowing what I wanted to say, but still afraid to say it, despite how clear it was that Levi was interested in this. _In me_. He was looking at me expectantly, so I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly. I cracked my eyes open and peered at him through my lashes, still nervous, but resolved. My voice was as soft as a caress of air. “I want to be with you.”

I held my breath in the seconds following my words, letting my eyes fall shut again for an extended moment. I opened them just in time to see Levi step in front of me, and then he answered me with a soft pressure against my lips, warm, familiar and foreign all at once. It had my heart stilling in my chest, my eyes wide and entire body frozen for a moment in time as I slowly processed what was taking place. Finally, I closed my eyes and pressed my lips back for a heartbeat before the pressure slowly receded. I took Levi in at his newfound proximity, not yet able to think properly.

“Levi,” his name fell as no more than a breath on my lips, and something flashed in his eyes before he drew away from me, “Come, shitty brat, I’m freezing my ass off,” he said far too casually for someone who had just kissed me. He grabbed me by the wrist and tugged me along for a few steps to make sure I was following before releasing me. I stumbled behind him as best I could, my legs not entirely remembering how walking worked yet.

Somehow we made it back to where Levi had parked. My brain was still far too numb to think about things. As he held the door open for me again, I just automatically went through the motions of getting in a car and putting on my seatbelt. Since we were so close to my apartment complex, it wasn’t more than five minutes before he was pulling into one of his usual spots. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to get out or not, so I turned to Levi, hoping he would provide me with the answer.

“You look like a lost puppy,” he stated. I couldn’t read his expression.

“Well, I do feel kinda lost,” I replied, shifting in my nervousness.

“Fuck, Eren, why are you acting like I’m going to punch you at any moment? Is me telling you I like you not enough for you? Did kissing you not make it clear enough? Do you even know how I feel about kissing? It’s fucking disgusting. But for some reason—” he suddenly cut himself short.

“Levi?” I called him softly when he didn’t go on.

His eyes snapped to mine, his typically passive features arranged in an expression full of meaning. “It’s different when it’s you.”

“What?” I wasn’t sure I understood what he was saying.

He didn’t seem to either. “It… doesn’t bother me as much when it’s you. You are… different.”

I kept holding his gaze as I let those words sink in. As they did, they warmed me. All the nerves and overpowering feelings seemed to shrivel in that ball of warmth. I unbuckled my seatbelt, finally feeling like my body would obey my commands; finally feeling like this was _real_.

I leaned towards Levi and pressed the release on his seatbelt. He looked up at me in mild surprise, but shrugged the belt off smoothly before inclining his own shoulders towards me. We were still watching each other. I pressed forward till our noses brushed, letting my eyelids fall as I tilted my head. “Still okay?” I murmured sultrily against his skin.

“Brat,” he muttered back before we were claiming each other’s lips. It was slow and smoldering—no tongues yet (I’d been through enough emotional upheaval today, and even if I was “different” when it came to kissing, the last thing I needed was for Levi’s obsessive-compulsive tendencies to kick into gear). I didn’t miss it, though. Levi’s lips were insanely soft. Our mouths molded together perfectly. He caught my lower lip in a gentle nip, one that had a noise catching in the back of my throat. The car was starting to feel too warm. My lower body was getting too warm. Still, he was the one to pull back first. I felt a little dizzy.

Levi licked his lips. _Damn that’s hot._ I suddenly wanted a _lot_ more than just a kiss.

I knew better than to push my luck, though, so instead I used my newfound confidence to press for the answer I’d never really gotten.

“So—“ My voice cracked a little (it really was like I was a teenager again), and I turned my head to look out the windshield, clearing my throat before looking back to Levi. He seemed a little dazed, too. A compulsion to kiss him again swelled in my chest, but I pushed it back, determining that as phenomenal of a kisser as Levi was even without tongue ( _Holy shit, what would a French kiss be like?_ ) I really needed an answer to this question. “So are we…? Are you…?” I still couldn’t bring myself to properly ask him, but he knew what I was getting at.

“Yes, Eren.” Shit, I loved it when he said my name, even when it _was_ laced with sarcasm. “You can call me your boyfriend or whatever the fuck you want.” He seemed to be fighting an eye-roll, but it didn’t stop me from beaming. His eyes softened as he watched me, and the warm feeling in my gut started to radiate throughout my whole body, even as a little uncertainty crept back in.

“So… what happens now?” I asked. I’d never had a meaningful relationship with anyone other than Jean, and honestly, nothing really changed. We just did what we always did plus a lot of sex. That was really the only difference. Somehow I figured that arrangement would not work as well with Levi.

Levi laughed, a rough sound that gave me the best kind of goose bumps. “I don’t know. I’m not exactly a master when it comes to relationships either.”

“Do you want to come inside?” I tried. “Armin and I were going to watch The Hobbit.” Levi’s eyes went from dancing to deadly in zero seconds flat. I may have flinched back a little. “I swear I won’t say anything this time!” I squeaked.

“You had better not,” he muttered. “I’m fucking sick of that joke. Honestly, it’s like that’s the only thing people see when they look at me.”

“That’s not all I see!” I protested.

“My ass doesn’t count, brat,” he said matter-of-factly.

I gaped at him for a second before responding. “Who said I was looking at your ass?”

He cocked a brow at me. “Please,” was all he said. I really couldn’t argue with that, and I smiled. I liked the new and improved version of our banter. I liked that I was finally feeling comfortable enough again to speak my mind.

“Okay, I may stare at your ass on occasion, but your face is gorgeous, too.” He seemed a little surprised by that, but not in a bad way, and suddenly I seemed unable to hold back the torrent of words that wanted to pour from my mouth. “Everything about you is appealing. Your hair, your eyes, even your _forearms_ … I always want to look at every part of you at once and your height is the last thing I think about. Plus, who gives a fuck about how tall you are when you’re one of the strongest and most capable people I know!”

Levi only stared at me, and dread clenched my stomach briefly in the fear I had said too much. Then I took note of the red on his cheeks that had not been there before. “Shut up, brat,” his voice was quiet, no sincerity in the words at all. He moved to finally get out of the car. “Let’s just go in and watch your stupid movie.”

I hurried to follow him in the path to our door. Just before we got there, I had a thought. My hand shot out to grab his and halt him on the steps leading up from the parking lot before I could think about what I was doing. He looked down at our interconnected hands, but didn’t try to shake me off. I absentmindedly stroked the back of his hand as I brought up the reason for stopping him.

“How—I mean, what… Are—Are we telling Armin?” I asked, timidly looking up at him, for once, as he stood on the top step. He met my eyes evenly, answering me calmly.

“We can if you want to. I wouldn’t have told you that you could call me your boyfriend if I was going to be worried about you telling other people. If I was _your_ editor, it probably would not be wise to pass that kind of information around, but…” He yanked on my hand, causing me to trip up a couple steps so I was just one below him, making us more or less eyelevel. “I plan on making it known that you’re mine now, so if you want to keep this quiet for a while, you’d better tell me now.”

I felt myself color again. “ _You’re mine”_ was playing over and over in my head—I couldn’t get past it. I knew what Armin had been telling me for the last month or so. I knew that I myself had admitted it seemed like he was interested, but somehow it was just so _different_ from hearing him say it himself. Everything I had longed after recently was standing right in front of me in the shape of one dark-haired man. _He wants to tell people I’m his._ I swore if it weren’t so fucking cold I would’ve started undressing him right there. _It might be too soon for that._

Levi was suddenly looking a little disappointed, but it passed quickly and all he said was, “Okay.” He dropped my hand and started walking to the door again. Now I was confused.

“What?” My pitch was pure perplexity.

He turned back to me, a little impatience obvious in his stance. “Don’t make me repeat myself, brat. If you want to wait a while before we tell people about us, it’s fine.”

I frowned at him before things slowly started to click into place, “Shit!” I yelled. I needed to buy a new brain to mouth filter because mine was clearly faulty. “No, I was speaking my thoughts again. I wasn’t talking about us telling people. I—I actually am really happy you want to tell people.”

Levi contemplated me for a moment, but he looked more relaxed than he had a second ago. “Then what exactly is it too soon for?” He queried suspiciously.

“Oh, um…” I could feel myself blushing to the tips of my ears. “Could—Could you just forget I said anything?” Holy hell this was embarrassing.

Levi smirked, and I was almost sure he knew _exactly_ what I had been thinking. “If it gets you to shut up and go indoors, sure, brat.”

I breathed a huge sigh of relief and finally let him get to our door without further interruption. My body hummed with anticipation. I was ridiculously excited to tell Armin about this, even though I knew I would be hearing “I told you so” for a while in the aftermath. I’d probably be hearing that from a lot of my friends, actually, but I couldn’t have cared less. It meant I had Levi, and nothing that reminded me of that could sour my mood.

Levi clicked the lock open and I followed him inside, grinning like an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they FINALLY get somewhere. There may be a little bit of smuttiness next chapter. They’re going to take one step at a time, though, so don’t expect anything TOO crazy yet. ;)
> 
> Chapter 10 will be out sometime. Please continue to have patience with me. I care about my readers and I don’t want to let you down! <3
> 
> Again, please alert me of typos. This chapter was a long sucker, so I *know* I missed stuff.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi is (unsurprisingly) blunt and Eren finds the perfect present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ!!
> 
> As an apology for taking so long to update, I'm going to post two chapters today. There is another chapter already up.
> 
> K, now you can ignore me as I ramble.
> 
> GUYS. Last chapter was so much fun for me!! I LOVED reading all of your comments and I had a crazy influx of kudos and bookmarks... it's the most attention a chapter has had so far and... Yeah, I'm basically speechless. Thank you all so much!
> 
> Sorry this update has taken so long. Life was happening. Hopefully I'll be a little more regular after this, but... we'll see. School is kicking in hard.

As we walked into the apartment, I saw Armin was sitting on the couch writing something in a notebook. He looked up expectantly when he heard someone come in, though, and when he saw I was still with Levi, a grin broke out over his features.

“Have a nice time?” Something about Armin’s light and airy tone was too expectant.

I nodded slowly, shifting my weight and wondering if I should just come out and say it, or wait for a more natural time. I could feel Levi’s eyes on me. “Still up for watching a movie?” I asked Armin. He nodded, that knowing smile still bending his lips.

“Of course. I take it Levi is staying?” he asked, turning his head to his editor. A little smile was curving Levi’s mouth, and I couldn’t help but stare at his lips.

“I don’t seem to have anything better to do,” he said.

I looked from Levi to Armin, unsure of how to proceed. I _really_ wanted to just blurt out that we were dating, but with Levi standing right there, I couldn’t seem to find the confidence I needed to do so. Instead I awkwardly shouted, “I’m making popcorn!” and shuffled off towards the kitchenette.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Eren.” I turned just in time to see the tail end of Levi’s eye roll before he fixed his eyes on Armin. “Your roommate’s ass is mine now, so I hope you’re prepared to see even more of me than you already do.”

Armin’s grin became so wide it was absolutely Cheshire.

“Levi!” I cried feeling both robbed and embarrassed, but returning Armin’s grin despite myself.

 “What, brat?” he raised an eyebrow at me. “You were taking too fucking long.”

He took note of Armin’s huge grin. “Wipe that look off your face, Arlert. I do not need to be reminded of how inconspicuous I have been.” Levi frowned deeply like he was truly displeased by that. I just gawked at the man. _So he really_ has _liked me all this time?_

“Sorry, sir.” Armin replied, not looking remorseful at all. “It wasn’t _that_ bad,” Armin continued sincerely. “I just spend a lot of time with both of you.”

Levi just tsked, his stoic demeanor spoiled by agitation, and walked past me into the kitchenette.

“I can’t believe you just told him!” I complained as I came up behind him.

“You were an awkward mess and I thought it would be better to just get it out there instead of waiting for my hair to turn gray.” I cocked my head at him, something occurring to me.

“Why hasn’t your hair gone gray? You don’t dye it, do you?” slipped out of my mouth before I fully thought about what I was saying. The look he gave me was so pointed I was almost surprised it didn’t draw blood.

“You want to ask that again, _Eren_?” he growled. For some reason I found that low timbre going straight to my groin and quickly shuffled away from him, throwing open a lower cupboard at random and realizing it wasn’t even close to where we kept the popcorn. I straightened up and scratched at the back of my head sheepishly before sidestepping over to the pantry. Levi gave a low chuckle and I felt an arm slink around my waist. I pulled my head out of the pantry to look down at Levi in surprise. I was slowly internalizing the knowledge that Levi and I were together, but I still found the casual touches surprising. He was always so sarcastic and bristly. This softer side of him was unexpected, but I certainly wasn’t going to complain about it.

“Now that he knows there will be less questions when I cuddle up next to you on the sofa.” Levi murmured at my shoulder. This man was turning out to be full of more surprises than I imagined.

“Cuddle?” I questioned.

“Shut the fuck up, brat. I am allowed to like cuddling.” It was my turn to offer a light chuckle. His cheeks were tinged with color. Never had I seen the man blush like this before today. I could get used to it.

“Hey,” I protested teasingly, “you said it, not me.”

 “Shut up, or I’m leaving.” Levi threatened emptily.

“I’ve never seen you like this.” I commented. I was feeling much more relaxed than I had been just a short while ago. Having Levi’s small affections was doing wonders for my confidence, so I leaned down so I could speak in his ear. “It’s cute.”

Levi pulled back and glared at me sharply, so I offered him a soft smile. An almost reluctant fondness crept back onto his face, like he honestly wanted to fight the reaction, but couldn’t. On an impulse, I drew him back to me and buried my nose in his hair, having already forgotten Armin waiting for us in the living room.

“Did you just fucking smell me, kid?” Levi’s tone was both amused and incredulous.

“What?” I asked. “I’ve always thought that you smell really good.” Abruptly the ball of nerves returned to my stomach. I was making progress, but I was still a little afraid of upsetting Levi in someway and maybe making him change his mind. I knew I was probably being immature and foolish, but I dropped my voice again, anyway, and meekly inquired, “Is that not okay?”

Levi sighed. “No, brat. It’s fine.” He nuzzled my shoulder a little, his voice gentle and soothing, as was the hand now slowly rubbing my back. A soft smile turned up my lips. Yes, I could definitely get used to this.

Our moment was shattered when Armin decided to call out from the sofa, “Eren, if you’re going to make popcorn, you’d better do it now. Otherwise we won’t finish the movie before dinner.”

“Ugh, _no_ ,” I groaned, calling back to him. “I’m actually really full.”

Levi smirked at me, finally drawing away from me. “You do some stupid shit, you know that?”

I was tempted to stick my tongue out at him, but decided to act something like my age for once and refrained. “I’m putting the movie in,” I announced.

“Then I’m taking a shit,” Levi informed me. I scrunched up my face.

“You really didn’t have to tell me that,” I told him.

“Get used to it, brat,” was all he responded with before making his way to the tiny downstairs bathroom and slamming the door. I walked back out into the living room, and Armin was by my side in an instant.

“I told you it was a date.” He was still grinning and his voice was dripping with triumph.

I playfully pushed his shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, shut up,” I said with absolutely no edge to my voice. I was pretty sure my blush from just before entering the apartment had never really left, but I found myself not caring.

“So how did it happen?” Armin asked.

I glanced towards the bathroom door, wondering if I had enough time to tell him. I decided to give him the super-abbreviated version. “I’ll tell you the full story later, but basically I pulled an Eren and accidentally asked him if it was a date. He told me he liked me, and I told him I felt the same. Then we… he…” I could feel myself reddening further at the thought of the kisses we shared. “We determined we would like to date each other.” Yeah. There was a reason Armin was the novelist and not me.

Armin was giving me a somewhat exasperated look. “You’re definitely giving me the long version later,” he all but demanded of me just as we heard the toilet flush.

“Shit!” I hissed, dodging around Armin to lunge for the DVD player. Fortunately, Levi took so damn long washing his hands that the menu screen was on its second play-through of the theme music by the time he finally joined us, unceremoniously wedging himself in the small gap between me and the arm of the couch, much to my great surprise.

~~~

In the aftermath of the movie, if I had one word to describe the experience, it would be _weird_. I hung out with Armin and Levi individually, and I’d been with them around other people like when we were at Survey events or Rosa’s, but I’d never been with just the two of them doing something so casual. Levi stayed for dinner every so often, but even that seemed rather formal. Any time Armin and Levi were together without the presence of others, it was work related. At least, I believed them when they claimed it was. If that were not the case Armin would have a _lot_ of explaining to do. Far more than Levi would, since I was at least aware that Levi wasn’t totally straight.

What truly made the experience odd was how _ordinary_ it seemed. Honestly, you would think it was every other day I sat down to watch some TV with Levi resting his hand on my thigh while his body leaned into mine and Armin lounged on the other side of me. Armin didn’t bat an eye at his coworker suddenly invading our home and snuggling with me. Armin and Levi had a pretty casual working relationship, and, well, Levi _did_ invade our home on a regular basis, but it felt awkward to have him acting so unprofessionally. _No, that’s not quite right. With the amount of profanity Levi drops, he’s never been extraordinarily ‘professional.’_ Maybe it was just the fact that _nothing_ about Levi said _‘affectionate’_ and it was just too damn weird for me to swallow when this morning I had been convinced we weren’t even going on a date. I spent the entire film afraid to breathe too deeply, like he was some finicky cat I was afraid would leave my side if I disturbed him too much with my pesky need for air. _How can both of them act like this is the most natural scenario in the world?_ _Am I the only one who does not possess the magical ability to instantly adapt to a new situation?_

As soon as the thought had crossed my mind, I felt like something clicked into place with me. Levi probably _did_ possess that ability. I still didn’t know a lot about his earlier years, but I was guessing that living on the streets required a certain amount of adaptability. Adjusting instantly to a new situation very well could be as second nature to him as breathing. As for Armin, he had been telling me that he knew Levi and I were into each other for _months_ —long before I had recognized my own feelings. I internally shook my head at myself. Sometimes I was truly hopeless. I wondered how long it would have taken—if it _ever_ happened—for me to realize my own feelings for the raven-haired man now pressed against my side. Maybe I really was the only person that felt like this day hadn’t been a long time coming.

Once the movie ended, Levi got up and excused himself, saying he was sure Armin and I had a lot to talk about, but not before stealing another quick kiss from me that had my heart stuttering and telling me I could use his number, which I had already possessed in case of an emergency with Armin, to call or text him as long as it wasn’t “stupid shit.” I wasn’t sure what exactly qualified as stupid shit, so I figured I wouldn’t worry about it yet.

It wasn’t until the door shut behind him that the emotional recoil of the day really hit me, and I was slammed with fatigue. Really fucking happy fatigue. I felt like I was a little high. I was still in a state of disbelief, but I remained grounded in the unshakable knowledge that it was real. I robotically drifted back to the sofa and collapsed on it. Armin appeared a few minutes later with food for both of us, which I sat up to express my appreciation for and dig in. I told him the full story as we ate, and with the enthusiasm he was expressing, one probably would have thought _he_ was the one who just got into a relationship. We both knew I was excited, though. It had just been a draining day and I needed a real night of sleep and some time to process everything that had happened. It was good, though. Undeniably good.

~~~

I woke up the next morning from sleeping feeling blissfully rested. A few moments passed where I stretched luxuriously in my warm sheets, and then my heart skipped a few beats as memories of yesterday flooded me. I rolled over in bed and buried my face in my pillow, letting a maniacal grin split my face. I lay there till it got difficult to breathe, finally heaving myself up with my arms and turning to the bedside table for my cell phone. I yanked it from the charger and threw my legs over the side of the bed, leaning against the headboard as I tapped the button on the top to light up the screen. My eyes alighted on the tiny notification informing me that I had a new text message, and my heartbeat picked up in hopeful anticipation. Unlocking my phone did not bring disappointment. It was a message from Levi, simple, but it had my grin stretching wider than ever none-the-less:

_Good morning, brat._

I let out a contented sigh, my chest feeling so light and full it was liable to pop. I had never really pinned Levi as the type to dole out small affections, and less than 24 hours probably wasn’t a good enough sample to predict his behavior over time, but I was enjoying the attention while I had it.

 _Good morning :)_ I sent back.

I stared at Levi’s message to me for a few more seconds before finally mustering up the will to move my lazy ass out of bed and find some clothes for the day. I twisted my arms over my head, tugging my shirt off. Christmas was in three days and I still had some last minute shopping to do. _Shit_. I went rigid with my shirt still gripped in both hands. _Shit. Christmas—His birthday. What the fuck am I going to do?_

I had completely forgotten about my resolution to ignore thinking about if I should get Levi a gift or not until after our lunch. And now I needed _two_ gifts. Fuck.

I finished stripping and just grabbed whatever clothes my hand came in contact with in the closet, quickly donning them before I proceeded to trot down the stairs, seeking my best friend. “Armin!” I called.

Armin turned around from his usual spot on the couch. He was sitting there with his laptop today, with what looked like a calendar pulled up on the screen. “What is it, Eren?” he queried with mild interest.

“I need your help,” I stated decisively.

Armin immediately closed his laptop and gave his full attention to me as I flopped down next to him on the couch. “Is something wrong?” he asked with the barest traces of worry.

I shook my head in the negative. “No.” I couldn’t help the reemergence of a smile on my face. Armin smiled back for an instant before I remembered my reason for being there and quickly sobered. Armin’s face fell into confusion as he observed my rapidly morphing expressions. “Things are great, but did you know Levi’s birthday is on Christmas?”

Armin’s eyebrows shot up and he cocked his head a little to the side. _Finally_ something Armin didn’t already know about the guy that I did. “No, that never came up,” he said rather reservedly, almost like he was the slightest bit offended or hurt.

“Well… it is,” I said, not able to think of anything better to say. Armin read the situation quickly.

“So you want my help buying him a present?” he asked, though he clearly already knew the answer.

“Two. Two presents,” I corrected. Armin frowned slightly, thinking.

“That’s… going to be difficult,” he finally stated.

“I _know_ ,” I told him, “That’s why I came to you. You’ve spent more time with him. I figured you’d know about things that he likes better.”

Armin’s reaction to that was a short, barked out laugh. “Yes, because Levi spends _so_ much time talking about himself and the things he likes. I can tell you about what he likes to see in a book, that’s about it.”

The corners of my mouth dipped down. I highly doubted a man who spent his life reading and re-reading books would like a paperback as a gift. “Come on, Armin. Even if it’s just food he orders a lot or something,” I pleaded with him.

Armin fixed me with a pitying look. “You aren’t going to try to cook for him, are you?”

I scowled at him for the jibe at my horrible cooking skills, but refrained myself from doling out a biting comeback. “No, but maybe I could take him out to dinner someplace nice that has some of his favorite foods,” I suggested.

Armin looked at me skeptically again. “Eren, I know they pay you decently at that job, but remember Levi’s car? It’s not the only thing he’s spent money on. Not to put you out, but I don’t think you can really afford his tastes.”

Armin was not being helpful at all. “Then what do you suggest I _do_ , Armin?” I asked in exasperation.

Contemplative silence fell again as Armin considered his answer. I, too, wracked my brain for any iota of information that could be useful.

“Well…” Armin dragged out the word slowly as I turned to look at him expectantly. “He _does_ really like black tea.” Armin’s vibrant blue eyes glanced up towards me to see what I thought of the suggestion. I just stared at him blankly.

“He does?” I questioned. Levi always drank coffee when he was over here. _But at the café he had tea._ I remembered the fact with the abruptness of flicking a switch. “So I'm just supposed to… buy him some teabags from the store?” The idea sounded even lamer out loud.

Armin shook his head. “No, I’m thinking you go buy him some really good loose leaf tea. You know that ‘Imperial Tea’ shop we pass on the way to the grocery store? They have high quality loose-leaf teas imported from China. A few other international teas, too. Most of them are pretty reasonably priced. I’ve gotten some basic tea from them a few times.”

I couldn’t ever remember having something like that in our apartment—not that I went looking for tea often. “You have?”

Armin saw how perplexed I was and quickly clarified. “Not for myself. I’ve given it as a gift before. I’ve only ever smelled the samples at the shop, but everyone I’ve given it to says it’s really good. Actually, one of them was Mikasa, and you know how picky she is about her tea.”

That I did. Mikasa was usually pretty grateful for anything given to her, but she could be really particular about her tea. If it was good enough for her, I couldn’t imagine it wouldn’t be good enough for Levi. I finally nodded. “Okay, so one down. What else?” Armin bunched his face up in intense concentration, and I almost let a laugh slip. Armin could be really cute sometimes. I moved a hand as casually as I could manage to cover my smile. Eventually Armin let out a huff of air and fell back against the couch cushions. “I can’t think of anything else,” he said with an edge of frustration. “I’m usually good at this, but Levi....” he trailed off and I nodded sympathetically. “I’ll think on it, Eren, but no promises.”

I smiled at my best friend, a warm appreciation for him filling my chest. “You’ve already helped me out a ton. I’m sure I can come up with something.” I said the words confidently, even though I wasn’t. I had zero ideas and I was sure people had been lumping Christmas and his birthday together his whole life because people were lazy. I didn’t want to be one of them. Maybe I’d find some inspiration if I just went out and did my shopping for the other people left on my list.

~~~

I decided to stop by the teashop first, since it was more or less on the way to the local mall where I was headed. It turned out the teashop was a little more than just a place that sold tea. Besides the numerous canisters of dried tealeaves and wall of teapots and cups, there were also other imported goods. I browsed the items as I waited for someone to appear to help me find some tea. I had only just wandered over to an array of fancy-looking chopsticks when a middle-aged Asian woman stepped out of the back and greeted me, asking if she could help me with anything. I told her what I was looking for, and though she was quick to select what I had asked for, she also brought out several other black teas. She named each of them and insisted I smell all of them. One of them in particular smelled amazing and looked like it had real dried orange peel in it. I instantly thought of Mikasa and her fondness for citrus, and decided to pick some of that up for her as well as the regular black tea I bought for Levi.

After the lady had bagged and labeled my tea for me, she asked if there was anything else she could help me with. I politely told her no and turned to make my way out of the shop, only to have something catch my eye the second my hand was on the door handle.

In the corner of the shop with the array of eclectic imports was a rack covered in fine woven scarves. A deep green one on the end that seemed to shift into blue as I walked past flung my mind back to the night of the Gala and how Levi had said green was his favorite color while looking right into my eyes. I brought my hand up to my mouth, nibbling on the flesh between my thumb and forefinger as I contemplated the object. I ultimately let my curiosity win out and went over to examine the scarf more carefully. I knew Levi wore dress scarves at least once in a while because he had one on yesterday. I just didn’t know if he’d like _this_ one. The fabric was silky and tightly woven. It was beautiful, for certain, but I didn’t know if the shimmer it had as it shifted from deep green to teal would put him off at all. I knew it would probably remind him of my eyes… but maybe that was too arrogant of me to assume he would want to wear something that served as a reminder of me?

I sighed, gingerly lifting the scarf from where it hung to smooth it out and examine it better. As soon as I had it straightened out, I almost gasped. The shimmering shift of the fabric was not uniform, nor was it random. The scarf subtly shifted in the light to display the faint imprint of overlapping wings—one tinted with the teal I had been noticing, the other tinted white. Though I could not place my finger on the _why_ , I found something about them stunning. It stirred something deep in my chest and the strangest sense of prideful nostalgia washed over me. In that moment, I knew this would be my present for Levi. It didn’t matter what the price tag said. Something about this scarf—those wings—called to me, and I knew it was perfect. I practically jogged back to the counter I was so eager to buy it, and even though it was a little spendy, I thoroughly believed it was worth every damn cent. I left the store feeling somewhat foolish for the grin plastered across my face, but I didn’t care enough to try and contain it. Something about this scarf was perfect, and, as strange as I knew it was, nothing was going to shake that belief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN: THERE IS ANOTHER CHAPTER TO READ.
> 
> Oh, and I know I said there might be a little smut in this chapter last chapter. Keep reading, it's in Chapter 11.
> 
> PLEASE let me know if you see any typos and don't be afraid to comment or hit me up on tumblr!
> 
> http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren has a dirty dream and finally tells Mikasa he has a boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm always really uncertain about the quality of my smut. I'm just gonna say that upfront. Hopefully it's not terrible. I'm tagging things as they happen, so note those if you want a warning of what's coming up.
> 
> Also, please help me locate typos because I went through this one faster than usual and I have this feeling I probably missed a bunch.
> 
> Enjoy?

“Come here, Eren.” Levi’s low voice was full of command and the way he purred my name threw my heart into overdrive. _Is this going where I think it is?_ My feet moved forward on impulse, almost as though they were separate entities, until I was standing before him. Somehow, he maintained his power over me even as I was looking down on him. I couldn’t complain.

“Kneel.” I dropped to my knees immediately, almost grateful for the order. The second he started speaking in that sultry timbre, I’d been silently pleading for my weak knees to continue holding me up. _Is it too early for this?_ The question echoed hollowly in my head; I was too caught up with the sensation of icy fingers running along my jaw line to heed the concern. I wanted this. _Fuck_ , I wanted this.

Levi’s pale blue eyes appraised me, lust radiating off of him in an aura that was nearly palpable. All my senses were drowned in Levi, but had I the clarity to reflect upon the situation, I would have thought about how many times I had tried to get Jean to play this power game with me, and how he always failed. Levi was perfect.

He remained silent as he gently ran a thumb over my lips, which parted as if by some magic. I certainly did not control the action. Whether consciously, or not, Levi was controlling everything. And _fuck_ if that didn’t go straight to my groin. My dick pulsed in my pants and Levi smirked like he knew it even though it would be impossible to discern through the cloaking of my jeans. His next order was only natural.

“Strip.” It took me a half-second to comply. I was simply awed by the amount of authority he was able to wield with a single word. My breath was already morphing into short pants as I got more worked up, now working with haste to remove my clothing. I stopped when I got down to my boxers, looking at him expectantly.

“Everything, Eren.” His instruction was cold, but the way his lips caressed my name was warm. I was aware that the instant he took on this persona, he had dropped all of his insulting, albeit fond, pet names for me. He was in charge, above me, but he was not placing himself there by putting me down. I felt strangely cared for. There was something affectionate in him that colored all of his succinct directives and made me feel safe. I knew he would not hesitate to drop all pretenses if I asked. I trusted him. I slid my boxers down and wriggled out of them.

“Good.” His voice vibrated with satisfaction as he blatantly devoured the sight of my cock—already hard and begging for attention. That wasn’t on the agenda yet, though.

I watched with increasing desire and nerves as he undid his belt and worked on removing the clothes from the lower half of his body enough to display his own erection. I could now hear the blood pounding in my ears as it was pumped frantically through my system. My mouth watered with the knowledge of what was coming next, yet something was nagging at me in the back of my mind. There was a lingering sense that this shouldn’t be happening. I shoved the feeling away. I wanted to be here. Levi obviously wanted to be here. Whatever it was telling me this was a bad idea could go fuck itself, because I was getting fucked.

“Suck.” I practically dove forward to wrap my lips around Levi’s cock, and couldn’t stop the moan that erupted from my throat as soon as I felt its heavy weight on my tongue. I went down on him like it was my job, not stopping until his head hit the back of my throat. That was when he let out the first pleasured sound I had heard from him—a deep groan steeped with satisfaction. A lightness filled my chest at the joy of gratifying Levi, and I slowly trailed my tongue along the bulging veins as I withdrew my mouth till I had only the tip between my lips. I gave it a good suckle and let my tongue dance around it, pulling more delicious sounds out of Levi. I felt myself twitch again, my hands convulsing nearly at the same time in want of touching myself. Somehow, this did not escape Levi either.

“Touch yourself.” I nearly gave a little whine at how broken his voice sounded, and released my mouth from him to breathe, “Levi.” His eyes were shining as he looked at me and I swelled with so many emotions I could do little more than just feel overwhelmed. He placed one hand on the back of my head and I obediently took him in again, lips humming around his girth as I finally graced my own length with a much-needed stroke. Levi guided me in a rhythm I was happy to comply with, and I followed it with my hand. Levi was having a near-continuous throaty moan as his cock muffled my own short cries. This was hardly anything, but already I felt ready to blow. I jerked off regularly, but it had been far too long since I’d had another person to engage in sexual activity with. Months. And I was becoming surer with every second that passed that Levi was the fucking sexiest man on earth. I couldn’t believe he was mine. I couldn’t believe how quickly everything fell into place. I couldn’t believe…

_This._

No, I actually couldn’t believe it. That thought in the back of my mind surged forward, and I was suddenly flooded with shame, which only served to confuse me. I was not ashamed of Levi, or sex, anything about this scenario, but it was there. _Too soon_. My brain told me. _Too soon? Right. It’s only been a few days. Shit! It’s only been a few days! This is too fast. Levi doesn’t seem like he’d want to do fast. But wait, he is doing fast. We_ are _…_ My thoughts melted into one big puddle of bewilderment as music started to play softly in the background. _Music? Where’d the music come from? Both of us are here, so neither one of us…_

 

“Eren, wake up and answer your damn phone!” Mikasa’s irritated voice roused me from my slumber with a gasp followed by a groan. I rubbed a hand over my face groggily, trying to make sense of the situation. Mikasa had just yelled at me. _Right, she’s home_. It took me a moment longer than it should have to register her words as I registered the boner I was sporting. _Shit!_ I looked around hurriedly to make sure no one was in the vicinity before snatching my phone off of the coffee table and darting over to the front door, throwing the bolt before scurrying outside and then cursing at the drop in temperature. On the plus side, it was already helping to relieve me of my problem. _Fuckshit, phone!_ I fumbled to answer the call just before the ringtone ended, finally managing to bring it to my ear.

“Hello?” I gasped, my breath misting in front of me as I expelled the word.

“About time, brat. I have called you twice.” Heat filled my cheeks as the voice that had just been commanding me in my dreams greeted my ears, though it was nowhere near as smooth through the speakers of the phone.

“S-Sorry,” I stammered, still feeling rather disoriented. “I was… sleeping.”

“Don’t sound so sure of yourself.” Levi’s voice was flat as usual, but I had known him long enough to know this pitch was teasing.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of frigid air, grateful he couldn’t see me at the moment. “No, I was definitely sleeping. I’m just still kind of out of it.”

“Wet dream?” Levi was smirking. I could hear it. My cheeks flamed hotter.

“W-What? Why would you—you— Why are you calling?!” I spluttered, cursing myself for my inability to act like a mature man in his presence.

My idiocy was rewarded with a deep chuckle from Levi. “For someone who has lost it, you sure act the innocent, brat.” A spark of annoyance flashed in me.

“No! I—You— Just shut the fuck up, Levi,” I finally groused. Though it had only been a handful of days since we became a couple, Levi and I were rapidly settling into our new relationship. I still felt a little uneasy and nervous; I had plenty of worries about what we were doing and where we were going with this, but the end point was that we had known each other for over a year, and even if we didn’t know every little detail about each other, we basically knew who the other was. We had built a level of comfort with each other through the year and a half we had known one another, and it was hard to resist falling back into our typical manner of relating to each other, even with the change in status and all the uncertainties that came with it. It was surprisingly hard to stay worked up about things that may never turn out to be issues when I was now basking in the knowledge that Levi wanted me. After having a few days to let that sink in, I realized it was stupid to worry about doing something that would make him change his mind. If anything was going to, I had probably already done it. Yet, here we were. I figured if that didn’t make a statement about how invested he was, nothing would. “What did you need?” I asked with less edge to my voice.

“Have you told Mikasa yet?” A sinking feeling inched down my gut and I answered his inquiry with silence.

“So, no,” he interpreted, then sighed. “Eren, at this rate, the way she’s going to end up finding out is when she sees us together at the restaurant.”

“I know,” I whined. Today was Christmas Eve and Levi and I had agreed to spend the day after Christmas and his birthday together. We had also planned to go out to dinner with Armin and Mikasa that evening. I just hadn’t told Mikasa that yet. Both Levi and Armin had been on my case about it. “I’ll do it soon, I promise.”

“You said that last night. Remind me to never believe your promises, brat.”

“Like you would forget anything you could use to mock me,” I complained.

“You have a point.” He sounded too pleased about that fact. “Tell her or I won’t let you come over at all,” he threatened.

“You wouldn’t!” There was no way he could enforce that. We hadn’t actually seen each other since our date, and I knew he wanted to see me again just as much as I wanted to see him. _I have the texts on my phone to prove it._ I smiled a little at that thought and clutched my phone tighter in my hand. A breeze gusted by and I shivered, shifting my weight from foot to foot in a sad effort to warm myself up. “I really will tell her. I just… need to find the right time.”

“Would it make it easier to find the right time if I promised you an extra present as incentive?” His pitch had dropped a little, and the boner I had almost gotten rid of started to show some interest again.

I gulped, trying my hardest to fight off images of my dream. It really _was_ too early to be doing those things, as much as I wanted to. I mean, I knew a lot of couples just jumped right into it—it certainly had gone that way with Jean—and I honestly couldn’t imagine waiting _that_ long after the amount of time we’d spent wanting one another. It wasn’t like we were strangers. Even with all the hesitations I had, I could honestly say that I wasn’t concerned that having sex with Levi would result in us waking up and realizing that’s all there was between us. That definitely wasn’t all that was there for me. And if what Levi had implied was true, he really had been harboring feelings for me for a while. I saw it in his eyes, too. He looked at me with fondness. I hadn’t seen what he looked like when he was turned on yet, but I knew he was thinking about doing me. Our texts over the last couple of days had been sprinkled with a few innuendos that made me flush. It was all just teasing, though. Nothing too serious. Now I was wondering, though.

“L-Like what?” I stuttered out.

I didn’t get an answer immediately, and I wondered if maybe he hadn’t understood me. I was just about to speak up again when I finally heard him, uncharacteristically hesitant. “I was thinking that maybe… I’d let you… spend the night.” Before my mind could react to that sentence, he continued. “And before you get any stupid ideas, I’m not inviting you to dirty my sheets.” I could imagine the face Levi was making. I knew he would have his nose wrinkled at the thought of dirty sheets, and I liked to imagine him sporting a light shade of pink on his cheeks, too.

I breathed a sigh that was both disappointment and relief. I liked the idea of doing Levi a lot, but I knew that it was unlikely to be the way it was in the dream I’d just had, for multiple reasons—the biggest one being his obsessive-compulsive tendencies. It would probably be good to give it at least a little bit more than a week to dive into that. Especially if I wanted him to engage in some power play with me. I still really liked the idea of being able to share a bed with him, though, and I figured that was what he was offering. I just had to tell Mikasa. “Shit,” I said aloud.

Levi spoke again, his voice suddenly very cold. “Fuck, Eren. If you didn’t like the idea, you could just say ‘no.’” My heart stuttered in distress at his words. We were having a lot of these small misunderstandings. It was my hope that eventually we’d learn to interpret one another better, but for now we had to settle for damage control.

“Hold on, Levi! That’s not how I meant it. I was saying ‘shit’ because I really want to earn that reward, but my sister is standing in the way. I don’t think you understand how intimidating my sister can be,” I tried to clarify.

“I _have_ met her you know,” Levi pointed out.

Levi was right. He had. And those occasions hadn’t been particularly encouraging.

There was a slight squeak behind me as our apartment door was yanked open, the very woman we had been speaking about standing there suspiciously.

“Eren, what are you doing out here? Talk on the phone inside you idiot. Or at least take a jacket!” She was giving me one of her classic glares, and I shriveled under it. I needed to get back inside and pacify her.

“Uh, sorry, my sister’s calling me. Gotta go,” I said in a rush, quickly pressing the end button before Levi could start in. It was rude, but I’d text him later. Maybe after I told Mikasa.

“Who was that?” Her voice was chillier than the air. Maybe I wouldn’t tell Mikasa.

“Fuck, it’s cold outside!” I exclaimed, a little too forced. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Is dinner almost ready?” I tried to ask casually as I brushed past her into the apartment. I was stopped by a death grip on my shoulder. I bent my left knee and tried to escape from her crushing fingers, but she just held on. I turned pleading eyes on her, only to flinch back from the look she was giving me. It wasn’t dark, like I had expected. It was contemplative. It was worried. It was… hurt? But then it was gone and her face was back to its neutral mask. Her fingers eased up on my poor shoulder and dropped to her side. She closed the door and walked back into the kitchen without saying a word. Right before she crossed the threshold she turned back, and I tensed, waiting for the hammer to fall.

“Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes.” With that, she whirled around and went back to the counter, continuing to add finishing touches to the feast she had prepared. It had always been a tradition to have a big Christmas Eve dinner and then just have some kind of nice breakfast Christmas morning. Christmas dinner had never been a big deal for us.

I watched my sister’s back for a moment, wondering how I should deal with this. She obviously knew something was up. In fact, I was pretty sure she had guessed what my problem was. That didn’t make admitting to it any easier, though.

“Do you need any help?” I asked a little timidly.

She glanced over her shoulder at me. “You want to carve the turkey?”

“Sure,” I said with a smile. She wasn’t acting hostile, so I figured we were good, at least for now. I heard footsteps trotting down the stairs as I searched for our carving knife and a moment later Armin was joining us.

“It smells amazing, Mikasa,” Armin said enthusiastically. I saw the faintest of smiles curve up her lips and she nodded her acknowledgement of the compliment. Mikasa had never had an easy time accepting words of praise, but it was always clear, to Armin and I, at least, that she appreciated them.

~~~

Dinner had turned out as incredible as it had smelled, not that this was surprising. Armin and I hardly ever ate anything that didn’t come out of a box, so anything Mikasa made was always outstandingly flavorful.

Once we had stuffed ourselves, we began the process of cleaning up so we could watch Christmas movies—a tradition that had started the year we all began college. As Armin and I were getting the last few dishes loaded in the dishwasher, Mikasa said she was going to run upstairs to wash her face and change into pajamas. Armin and I went to settle down in the living room, which now had a little tree with presents underneath it tucked into a corner.

After buying Levi’s scarf the other day, the rest of my shopping had been moderately successful. I wasn’t thrilled with my gifts for my friends, but at least I had _something_ to hand them. And even if the day wasn’t a 100% shopping success, I still spent it smiling almost perpetually thanks to a certain boyfriend of mine turning out to be surprisingly talkative. Well, if one-line responses every 10-15 minutes could be considered talkative.  It was mostly me complaining about holiday crowds and him chastising me for waiting till the last minute, but my lips still turned up with an irresistible force.

At least, until I received a message in the evening from Mikasa telling me when she needed to be picked up from the airport the next day. That was when the weight that had been since plaguing me settled in my stomach.

In the aftermath of that message, I went looking for another present for Mikasa, and definitely spent the most time and energy deciding on what else I would get her. I really wanted her to like her gifts this year because I knew that, even with her promise to not judge too harshly before she really knew him, Mikasa would be less than thrilled to learn Levi and I had become a couple. And I hadn’t told her immediately. Maybe mostly that last part. I knew I was just making it worse for myself by waiting, but I had hardly been able to tell Armin about it, and he was extremely supportive.

Fortunately, Mikasa was staying for the whole week instead of a few days this time, though I still had to work in the days leading up to Christmas. I even ended up putting in some extra hours at work and then trying to mostly avoid her in the apartment, which I felt really shitty about since I hardly got to see her anymore. Her visiting twice in such a short span of time like she had this last month was a rarity. And as Armin and Levi were reminding me every chance they got, I needed to own up and just tell her. She was my sister and it wasn’t like she hadn’t noticed I was acting weird. Plus, if I had to make up a lie to get her to meet us at the restaurant, I knew she’d just end up seeing straight through it and then I’d look like a dumbass.

A sudden insistent poking in my side brought me back to the present, and I twisted my torso to face Armin, who tugged me a little closer.

“Have you told her yet?” he hissed.

I shuffled my feet and cast my glance aside.

“Eren,” he groaned.

I scrunched up my face in abashment. “I know… Levi’s already talked to me today,” I murmured. I glanced at where Mikasa had vanished up the stairs.

“Tell her.” Armin’s voice was much more commanding than usual.

I sighed. “I know I need to. I know I’ve been acting weird and that she’s aware of it. Hell, she’s probably even guessed what’s up because she hasn’t said a single thing about him since coming here and that alone is suspicious. It’s just that every time I try to tell her, I panic and end up changing what I say. I actually talked about the fucking _weather_ today.”

Armin was looking at me with sympathy, but there was a firmness in his eyes, too. “She needs to know, Eren. I think you’re afraid to tell her because she’s more or less the only family you have anymore and you really want her to approve of Levi. She hasn’t been his biggest fan in the past, so your trepidation stems from the concern that you’ll tell her your exciting news and she’ll be a wet blanket.”

I stared, wide-eyed, at Armin as his words hit me like a sack of bricks to the chest. He was exactly right. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell Mikasa because I was ashamed of Levi or some shit. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. It wasn’t even that it was because the relationship was new and I was still uncertain of if we would really stick. I was just flat out scared that Mikasa would be disappointed in my choice of partner when I was so happy. I wanted her to be happy, not just for me, but with me.

“Eren.” Armin drew my attention again. “I know Mikasa’s opinion is important to you, but even if she isn’t as enthusiastic as you wish she would be, try to remember that the only person’s opinion that really matters is your own. You like Levi, and so long as he’s treating you well and making you happy, try to not let the opinions of others weigh you down. Plus, you haven’t even given Mikasa a chance. She might surprise you.”

I could practically feel my body curl in on itself. Armin was so right it was scary. I was so focused on worrying about the reaction I assumed Mikasa would have that I hadn’t allowed for the possibility I might be fretting over nothing. After all, at Thanksgiving she had been surprisingly good about my interest in Levi. She’d even teased me about him returning that interest. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was blowing this way out of proportion.

I locked eyes with Armin, feeling my resolve harden. “I’ll tell her tonight.”

“Tell me what?” I tensed as Mikasa’s soft voice floated over my shoulder. _I forgot she was a fucking ninja!_ My eyes flickered to Armin’s face, noting he was equally surprised even though he had a better view of the staircase. I took a steadying breath and turned to face my adoptive sister where she stood behind the couch, meeting her dark irises unwaveringly.

“I have something to tell you.” I gave a pause in order for her to respond, but when she only continued to stand there, I decided to go on. Maybe I should have asked her to go into my room, or at least sit down, but there was no time like the present and I needed to do this while I still had the nerve built up. Having Armin’s silent support at my side didn’t hurt either. “I really should have said something sooner, and I’m sorry. It hasn’t been going on that long—only last Saturday, but I know you like to know about major things going on in my life… And I guess this isn’t _huge_ , but it’s pretty big—“ I felt a sharp prod to my side and whipped my head around to glare at Armin, who had the gall to sit there and look totally innocent. I gave him a knowing look, but took the hint, giving my full attention back to Mikasa. “What I’m trying to say is, Levi took me out on a date on Saturday, and now we’re together.”

As I huffed out the end of the sentence, I watched Mikasa’s face for any minute shift in expression. Much to my anxiety, her face was often more impassive than Levi’s—due in great part to her tendency to cover up half her face with my scarf, which she was once again wearing. A tense minute passed where she just looked at me, and I could read nothing in the enigmatic depths of her eyes. Then she surprised me by bending over and wrapping her arms around me. I loosely returned the embrace after I got over the initial shock.

“He makes you happy,” she said softly. There was no question in her voice, but I answered her, feeling my cheeks color.

“Yes.” I couldn’t hide the warmth that colored that one word as it fell from my lips. It was too powerful a truth.

“Then I’m happy for you,” she said, squeezing me a little tighter. As the pressure around me grew, the weight pressing down on my insides lightened. I knew it was too much to ask her to be as thrilled as I was, but it warmed me to know that she wasn’t going to fling herself into Protective Sister Mode this time. I guessed we really were both growing up.

“Of course,” she continued, pulling back and looking at me, “If he does anything to hurt you I’ll murder him in an instant.” Her scarf had dipped down to reveal a tiny smile playing on her lips, and I couldn’t help but smile back. I knew she was mostly teasing this time.

“I’m still sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” I said a little guiltily.

“I kind of already knew. I figured you had your reasons.” Her words hardly surprised me. I _had_ been acting, well, like a brat. One of the serious doubts I was beginning to form was that I was still too immature to be with Levi, but I pushed the thought aside, reminding myself it wasn’t an issue yet. Besides, right now I was having an important moment with my sister, and I didn’t want to spoil that.

“Thanks for understanding, Mikasa.” I genuinely meant those words.

Her smile became less playful and more loving. “Like I’ve told you, Eren; all I really want is your happiness. If Levi gives that to you, I’ll give him a chance.” A pensive look crossed her features for a moment. “So will I get to spend some time with him while I’m here? You know, actually get to know the said ‘nice guy’ underneath the grumpy exterior?”

“Uh…” I supposed now was as good a time as any to tell her about dinner plans. I glanced at Armin quickly, and he nodded once, encouraging me to tell her the rest. “Actually, I’ve made plans to spend the day after Christmas with him and we have reservations at Muro Sina”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise and I answered her unspoken question. “Levi’s paying.”

Her brows then furrowed, and I expected her to protest, but instead she surprised me again by simply saying, “Okay.” She took in my barely concealed shock for a second before asking, “Now are we watching Christmas movies or not?”

“Oh, we definitely are.” I nearly jumped when Armin spoke up, having forgotten his presence.

I recovered quickly. “I’ll make hot chocolate.”

~~~

We ended up going to bed just a little after midnight. When I went to check my phone one last time before sliding into the covers, my heart did a now familiar syncopation as I saw I had a message from a certain fine-assed boyfriend of mine:

_Merry Christmas, Eren._

_Happy Birthday, Levi._ I wrote, then thought a moment, debating whether to add to it or not. _I can’t wait to see you tomorrow and collect my reward. ;)_

Even though I could see that Levi had managed to send his message exactly at midnight (I smiled at the image of Levi waiting for the clock to turn, even if that wasn’t what actually happened), I figured he would have gone to bed right after sending it. Apparently he was either still up or he was like me and didn’t silence his phone, however, because right as I settled down into my pillows, I heard my phone vibrate.

Unable to resist the urge to look, I stretched out my left hand and blindly groped for my cell. As my fingers curled around the device, I rolled over on my mattress, squinting at the light that suddenly seemed too bright.

 _You told her? I’m impressed, brat. I can’t wait either._ was all it said, but it brought back that warm feeling in my gut, along with another flutter of excitement. Besides my eagerness to see my new boyfriend again, I was really excited to give him his gifts. I think I was actually more excited for the day _after_ Christmas than Christmas Day itself because of it. Christmas would be good, but nothing could quite beat the rush of seeing someone you just started a relationship with. Even I, with my limited dating experience, could recognize that. Plus, I think I remembered one of my profs in college saying that, chemically, the early stages of romance were almost identical to the chemical influence of crack in the brain. I’d never tried cocaine, but I could hardly argue against the addictiveness of Levi.

I didn’t really want to think about psychology at that moment, though. I wanted to think about the pale blue-gray of Levi’s eyes and the way his black fringe framed his face. I wanted to remember the feel of his soft lips pressing into mine and the promise they held for more. I wanted to think about what Levi’s place would look like, what his bed would feel like, what waking up next to him would be like. Slowly my consciousness began fading in and out, and thoughts of Levi turned into dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be Christmas and it will be a Levi POV. It's about time he and his friends have a nice long scene together. I intend for the day after Christmas to also be a part of the chapter.
> 
> Oh, and if you're interested, it's true that the same areas of the brain that are active in "young love" are the same as those that activate due to a hit of cocaine. It's why being away from your partner is so painful. You are actually going through withdrawal. The effect typically wears off after a few months. It's why a lot of breakups happen around 5 months. Things don't feel the way they used to because you aren't getting that "rush" anymore. There's your fun fact of the day.
> 
> Again, please tell me if you see typos! Even if there are a lot. I promise you I will be nothing but grateful.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment or whatever! I love talking to people. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi shares the news with his friends and Eren comes over for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O_O How did this get over 300 kudos?!? This seriously astounds me. I'm honored, guys. Thank you to all who k/b/c! ajklsdafh. SPEECHLESSNESS!!
> 
> I'm SO SORRY for taking extra time to post this. It's such a long chapter. Levi is so repressed that anytime I give voice to him he just dumps out EVERYTHING. So next chapter is also going to be from his POV. Think of it as Christmas Part 2.
> 
> So, yeah. Long chapter + INSANE amount of work pressing in from all sides delayed things. See the endnotes for more talk of timeframes and Chapter 13.
> 
> Also, because it was so long, I got a little lazy editing. I read it through several times, but I'm kind of tired, so if you notice anything, please alert me! I promise I won't bite. In fact, I will offer you cookies and hugs (if you want them).

For the first time in years, I found myself smiling on Christmas morning. My birthday. Usually this day was just like any other. Sure, my close friends would try to distinguish it—make it something special—but I hated it. I really wished everyone would just ignore it. It wasn’t like I really had anything to celebrate. You know what another year of life is celebrating? Another year closer to death. Most people didn’t realize the glass was half-full _and_ half-empty.

This morning, however, my thoughts weren’t so pessimistic. This year, I found myself actually looking forward to this day. To having people over and talking and festive shit.

It wasn’t just because I had a significant other. I’d had a number of boyfriends or girlfriends share this day with me over the years. Some of them I even really cared for, like Petra. None of them had ever made this day any better for me, though. It had been mostly shit growing up and, if anything, it was shittier now, even if I did have friends who cared. I didn’t even want my partners to do anything for it. Pretending the day didn’t exist was always the easiest way to get through it, though over the years my friends had conditioned me to at least endure their shitty singing and their presents and their holiday spirit. I guessed it wasn’t that bad anymore, actually. I was just bitter and felt old.

This year, however, was different. This year, there was Eren. _I have Eren_.

With no one around to see, I indulged myself in letting a true smile curve my lips as I rested, boneless, against my pillows. The newness of my relationship with Eren wasn’t even close to wearing off yet, and it almost frightened me how happy I was. I had known that the kid was something special right from the start, but never had the mere fact of being in a relationship made me feel so good before. Nor had I ever been so frightened so early on of losing it. Without even a week passing, I was far more invested in my relationship with Eren than I could ever remember being with anyone else. I knew part of that had to do with the fact that Eren and I already had an established friendship. We already had a certain level of comfort built up, and were putting that platonic bond at risk by getting involved romantically. It was only natural that I was more invested when he was already a friend. That wasn’t the only factor, though. I’d dated people I’d been even closer friends with than Eren beforehand. What really made the difference from all the lovers I had taken before was that I’d had fucking feelings for Eren as long as I’d known him. Yes, I could finally admit that soberly now. I had feelings that ran deep. 

I had never been so captivated. No one had ever flipped me shit like him. No one had ever made me feel so terrifyingly out of control. Very few had ever been so totally unaffected by what most perceived as (and frequently was) my hostility. He blew past all my barriers without doing a fucking thing. It both pissed me off and awed me. All of my friends did some serious work to get me to trust them enough to let my guard down. It was like those walls had never fucking existed with Eren. The kid had constipated me for over a year, and I had finally stopped being a fucking pansy about it and confronted my feelings. Confronted Eren.

I closed my eyes and envisioned the young man’s pink cheeks as he whispered out his desire to be with me, and a feeling akin to drinking hot liquid on a winter day spiraled down from my chest to my gut, radiating a subtle pleasure through me. I could remember the slight roughness of his lips as I pressed against them with my own, and the priceless look of shock on his face when he registered what had happened.

The contentment expanded in my body to the point that I didn’t feel I could contain it, and I finally snapped my torso up, feeling the need to move. Sentimental shit had never really been my thing. I growled a little to myself, frustrated by how simultaneously perfect and off-kilter my life was because of that shit. I had been bouncing between two poles for days, going from ridiculously sappy and giddy (well, by my standards), to in a state of near total panic at how even further out of control my feelings were now that I could call Eren my own. I was getting better at quelling the episodes of panic, though. It was mostly a reaction to the feeling of such intense happiness—it was such a foreign sensation, my body didn’t always know what to do with it. I was slowly convincing myself it was an okay thing to feel. New things, different things, _could_ be good.

I definitely thought Eren was good.

What was not so good was that I had actually managed to sleep past eight for once in my life and I now had less than an hour to get myself ready for Hanji, Moblit, and Erwin’s visit. Not that I really had that much to do. My house was already tidy and I really only had to pull on some presentable clothing and brush my teeth since I always showered at night (how people slept in a day’s worth of accumulated filth was beyond me).

I was lounging at my kitchen table with a cup of warm black tea in one hand, thinking about how I would need to pick up so more leaves soon, and tapping out a text to Eren with the other when there was finally an obnoxiously loud knock on my door that could only be from one person. I had a doorbell, but my friends knew better than to use it. If the doorbell rang, I would completely ignore it, assuming it was a salesperson or some shit. Knocks you could identify who the person was without ever standing up. You didn’t need a code. Every knock was unique. Placement on the door, repetition, force—there were enough factors that if you familiarized yourself with the knocks of people you knew, you were unlikely to guess wrong. In my previous life, knowing when and where not to open a door could’ve meant life or death. _But that’s not your life anymore._ I told the part of me that was trying to drag me down into old memories. _You’re aboveground. You’re safe._  I sighed a little as I pushed myself up from the table and let a faint smile pass over my lips one more time as I hit ‘send’ on my phone. I continued to smile as I made my way to the front of the house, actually pleased by the thought of the news I would be sharing today, and threw the bolt back on my door before quickly sidestepping away as the hunk of wood flew open.

“Levi!” Hanji exclaimed happily with her arms outstretched, nearly hitting me in the face with a couple of gift bags she held as her expression turned to one of confusion when she could not instantly locate me. Finally she looked to her sides and found me standing there, weight resting on one leg and arms folded across my chest, all hints of my previous smile gone and my face fixed in its comfortable mask of indifference once again. “Oh, there you are!” she chirped like she hadn’t just nearly broken my nose (even if she had, it still wouldn’t even be close to the worst Christmas I’d endured). “You shouldn’t stand off to the side like that,” she said. “You’re so petite it’s hard to see you.”

I raised one eyebrow in mild irritation at her lack of tact, but didn’t rile. Hanji was not trying to use my height to provoke me. When I misinterpreted her the first time she said something, she told me she was ‘making an honest observation.’ Most assholes would be lying through their teeth. Hanji was actually so obsessed with research it was true. She was one of the most open and unbiased people I had ever met. It was one of the reasons that helped balance the incredible amount of bullshit she had to compensate for. I had no idea how Moblit hadn’t completely lost it and killed someone after living with her for eleven years. I had to restrain myself after spending an hour in her company.

“It’s my only option to get out of the way, you piece of shit. You nearly sent me flying across the room the first time you came over.” I would never admit to it, but I was actually fond of the memory.

“Quit exaggerating, Levi,” she quipped at me before a familiar curiosity took over her features. “Where should I put these?” she asked, flailing the gift bags around.

Moblit appeared behind her, and shut the door nicely before gently prying a few gifts out of Hanji’s hands. “Please be careful, dear!” he worried as he eyed the presents remaining in her grasp.

Hanji’s attitude remained devil-may-care. “Oh, they’re fine, Moblit. There’s nothing _that_ breakable in them,” she said exaggeratedly as she walked down the short hallway leading to my kitchen. This did not seem to do much to ease Moblit’s concern.

As soon as my living room was in view, I pointed towards a potted shrub I had in the corner with a net of lights thrown over it. “You can put those under the Christmas tree,” I instructed.

Moblit moved to follow my instruction, but Hanji turned to me, incredulous.

“ _Levi!”_ she exclaimed.

“What?” I asked neutrally.

“ _Levi!”_ she just reiterated.

“Oh, that clears everything up.” I dripped sarcasm with every syllable. “Care to actually _say_ what your issue is this time?”

“ _Where_ is your Christmas tree?!” she cried in indignation. I grimaced at the shrill sound.

“I told you; right there,” I said, pointing again.

“That is _not_ a Christmas tree,” she insisted. “I _know_ you have one because I bought you an artificial one last year. Where is it?”

“In the attic,” I responded.

“If you know where it is, why isn’t it out?” she truly seemed to be struggling with this.

“Too much effort,” I replied simply. “Plus artificial trees are crap,” I added as an afterthought.

Hanji actually looked a little put out, but I didn’t let it get to me. I’d told her the second she dragged it into my house that it was going into the attic where it would remain for eternity. It wasn’t my fault the woman never listened.

She sighed loudly. “I guess it will suffice,” she finally conceded and strode over toward the Christmas shrub and her partner. I was about to follow them when another knock sounded on my door, two deep and resounding solid thuds against the wood. _Erwin._ I spun on my heel and marched back to the door, praying to whatever higher power may exist to aid Moblit in keeping Hanji from destruction until I got back. She had an incredible knack for utterly decimating things in under five seconds. It was actually impressive, in a way. I could have used that skill more than a few times growing up.

I reached the front door and opened it normally this time, resting in the assurance that Erwin would be standing in front of my door as solid as an oak tree until properly invited in. He had no clue how much it meant to me that he still waited to be asked to enter despite the number of years we had known one another and how close we were. Or maybe he did. As far as my friends went, no one was closer to me than Erwin Smith, but he never took that bond for granted. He was always respectful of me and my boundaries. It was probably the largest reason he was still the person I trusted most in the world.

Just like the oak tree I compared him to earlier, he was a thick, unmovable presence in my life. No matter if times were good or bad, if lovers came or went, he was right there, and he understood me. He never tried to cage me or force me to bend to society’s standards. He had always just encouraged me to be a healthier version of who I was, and it was thanks to that no-pressure support that I had become as successful as I had. I didn’t need to be coerced into some change. I just needed someone to believe in me. And he did. He supported me in anything as long as it wasn’t harmful to me.

I felt an unfamiliar tingle in my gut at the thought of sharing the news of my new relationship with him and it took me a moment to identify the feeling as excitement. Erwin would approve of this. Erwin had been nudging me to pursue Eren, just like Hanji had been, although much less obnoxiously. They would both be happy for me, and as foolish as I felt for it, that pleased me. I rarely if ever told them how much their support meant to me, but it meant a lot. Just because I constantly hid my feelings didn’t mean I didn’t have them. I was just still uncomfortable displaying them, period. It didn’t matter how long I knew them or how close they were to me. I just didn’t like it when emotions leaked out.

 _Except maybe with Eren._ I had definitely started out hating the feelings Eren brought out of me, but I was starting to rethink that now. I was a long way from being at ease with being so reactive in front of Eren, but I trusted him. At least, to a point.

I had plenty of reservations still. I couldn’t let my feelings carry me away. I had to remain rational, at least in part.

“Nice of you to show up,” I said in way of greeting Erwin and inviting him in. He smiled warmly at me and placed one of his large hands on my shoulder.

“Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas, Levi.”

My lips quirked a little and I was tempted to be insolent, as usual, but despite Hanji giving my Christmas shrub shit, I was still feeling quite gracious this morning. “You, too, Erwin,” I said with a little more color to my tone than usual and then quickly turned around before I could see the look he would give me in response. “Moblit and Shit Glasses are already here.”

“I heard that!” Hanji called from the living room before we were in sight. As soon as we were she came over and planted herself in front of Erwin and halted him, gesturing to my little festive plant. “What do you call that?” she asked intently.

Erwin followed the trajectory of her finger with her eyes and found himself looking at my lighted bush. “A… Christmas… shrub?” he replied with some confusion.

Hanji immediately turned her attention back to me. “See?! _Not_ a tree.”

“Tree, shrub, whatever,” I said dryly. “Just be grateful I decorated at all you ingrate. I actually thought you’d be pleased or some shit.”

“You can do better,” she asserted as Erwin came to sit down on my cushy ‘L’ couch by the arm on the section that Hanji and Moblit had not already claimed.

I scoffed and moved to throw myself down next to the left of Erwin. “Can we just get this present shit over with?”

“This isn’t ‘shit’ Levi! This is an important tradition in our culture that reinforces social ties and serves—"

“ _Hanji_ ,” I growled.

She stared at me rather blankly for a moment before it occurred to her what she had done and she jumped up, briskly walking over to the Christmas bush to get presents for everyone. “Let’s do this present shit!” she shouted cheerfully.

I smiled at that.

~~~

The gift giving was about as entertaining as it always was. Hanji got everyone weird shit that you usually only see on TV like a Snuggie for me, a Neti Pot for Moblit, and lighted slippers for Erwin. Erwin and Moblit were a little more thoughtful in their gifts. One of the things Erwin got me was a beautiful cast iron tea set. That shit was not cheap. Not that this was unusual for us because we made damn good money, but still. I was pretty unoriginal when it came to gift giving. I really couldn’t claim myself to be creative, or even thoughtful. That had actually caused me a great deal of undue stress over the last few days as I wondered what the hell I was supposed to get Eren. My friends always just got a selection of $50 gift cards. I wanted to do something a little nicer for Eren, even if it was just a week into our relationship. I actually became so desperate for ideas that I called Armin. Thanks to him, I actually had something that wasn’t a plastic rectangle to give to him, but I was still nervous about seeing his reaction.

As my mind clouded with these thoughts, I absentmindedly reached for the last present in my pile—another one from Hanji—and began systematically undoing the paper at the points where it was taped. I was so lost in that task that it took me a minute to register the item that I was holding in my hands, and then I just stared blankly at the box, unable to decide if I was pissed or not.

“Hanji, what the fuck is this?” I finally asked in a tone somewhat resembling a growl as I lifted my eyes from my present.

“A box of condoms,” she chirped.

I closed my eyes briefly and suppressed a groan. “Yes, I can see that,” I ground out. “Care to tell me _why_?”

“Oh, it’s just been so long since you had sex I was concerned any you had leftover would be expired,” she answered in one of her least convincing portrayals of innocence. Honestly, she wasn’t even trying this time.

“And why the fuck is my sex life any of your damn business?” I spat. Yeah, I was definitely a little pissed.

“Levi,” she whined softly, actually looking hurt. _Dammit…_ “I thought it would be a good present. I know how important safe sex practices are to you, and I figured with the way you and Eren were getting cozy at the bar a couple weekends ago you’d be needing them soon.” She finished with a playful smile on her lips.

I was clenching my teeth so hard my jaw was starting to ache. I was hopelessly torn between wanting to boast that Eren and I were together and wanting to tell Hanji to fuck off and stay out of my business. Especially the sexual kind.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that, though. Despite her tactlessness, she actually meant well in giving me a shit ton of new condoms. What was worse was that she was probably right—there was a very real possibility that any I had in the house weren’t usable anymore. It had actually been that long. It wasn’t like I’d had any reasons to keep a fresh stock. I didn’t even like to _think_ about trying a one-night stand again. I had attempted that exactly once, years ago, and the outcome was enough to soundly turn me off of the idea of ever trying it again in the aftermath. ‘Disaster’ didn’t even begin to cover that night.

Not that it mattered anymore. I was with someone I had pined after for so fucking long that it was going to take one hell of a force to get me to let go. If I didn’t fuck this relationship up the way I seemed to fuck every other one up, I might be lucky enough to never have thoughts of one night stands cross my mind again.

But that was a pretty big ‘if,’ and the relationship was still new. I was still holding my breath, waiting to see if Eren would wake up one morning and find this wasn’t really what he wanted. It happened sometimes. Especially with young brats like him who still didn’t really know what they wanted out of life. Occasionally people pursued a romance only to find that it was the chase that was exciting and once they had their prize the novelty wore off quickly. That could still happen with Eren. Just because the thought made _my_ chest constrict to the point of pain didn’t mean it would do a damn thing where Eren was concerned. No matter what I wanted, he would make his own decisions. And I had to be okay with that. I had made my choice to go after him, to invest in him. If it bit me in the ass now, I would have to live with that. I would never try to control Eren. I liked him as he was. It was just so fucking hard to place complete trust in him. Sure, I let him wash my cups and make me coffee and press his mouth to mine. Those were not insignificant things, but trusting someone with my heart was a different matter. That was a big fucking deal because I couldn’t control what another person would choose to do with it once I forked it over.

I cared about Eren a lot. More so than I’d yet like to admit. And, yes, as Hanji had obnoxiously inferred, I wanted to fuck the living shit out of him.

It was for all those reasons and more that I couldn’t trust him with my heart yet. Even if I wanted to. Even if I _fucking_ _wanted_ _to_ that was a step that would take a long time for me to take. The stakes were too high. I’d been so invested in Eren for so long that despite the fact our relationship wasn’t even yet a week old, I had too much to lose if I really gave myself over and he threw it all back in my face. I needed to take things slow. Well, slow in some aspects. No matter how appealing it _sounded_ , I wasn’t going to be ready for the intimacy of making love for a while. I wouldn’t mind fooling around a little. Maybe. _Shit, I should have talked to him about that._ I really wasn’t looking forward to that discussion, though.

And no matter how I considered it, despite Hanji’s intentions, this box of condoms was premature. If Eren turned out to be like some of my other partners, we wouldn’t even end up using one. Then they would just sit in the corner of some cupboard to shame me. _But Hanji doesn’t think like that._

I sighed heavily. I was still in a pretty good mood, all in all, and the anticipation of telling my friends I was dating Eren was killing me, but I was still rather reluctant to inform Hanji. _It’s not like it will be worse now than it will be later_. I mused. _At least Erwin and Moblit are here to help rein her in. I might as well do it now…_ I was definitely going to regret thinking that later.

“While I can appreciate the thought, Shit Glasses,” I said with as much bite as I could muster, “though it’s really none of your shitty business, I don’t fuck my partners right after the first date,” I said in lieu of spelling it out for them.

Hanji’s eyes lit up with a flash of excitement, “Date?!” she screeched, before further processing my words. “WAIT! PARTNER?!” Her voice was so loud I nearly covered my ears. I glanced over to Erwin to watch him cringe at her, too.

Before I had the chance to turn my neck back, Hanji was on top of me, gripping my shoulders and looking positively maniacal. “LEVI WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING!” she shouted in one unpunctuated breath.

I shoved her back roughly, trying my best to fight the urge to cleanse myself after being touched without permission. “Get off me you aberrant!” I raised my voice at her, but it was pathetically obvious that I was too pleased to remain irritated, and I decided to indulge her in answering her questions. “I took the brat out last Saturday for lunch and it obviously went well. We went for a walk after we ate and both agreed that we would like to see where a relationship goes. So we’re dating.”

Hanji was back to looking like an overeager Lab. Erwin was smiling, too, though he didn’t remind me of a slobbering dog. Moblit looked mostly apologetic as he rose to reclaim his love.

“ _And?_ ” Hanji prompted as she allowed Moblit to guide her backwards towards her seat.

“That’s it,” I said flatly, not wanting to share the details of our kisses or texts or any of the other small occurrences with anyone other than Eren. I would rather give her a step by step rundown of my dirtiest fantasy with Eren before I’d confess to leaning into his side for nearly three hours while we watched some shitty movie. I was never known in my relationships as someone who was particularly affectionate. It was bad enough the brat made me want to do those things in the first place. If Hanji ever found out, I was certain she would insist upon studying his ‘effect’ on me or some shit until I actually murdered her. Some days I wondered how I hadn’t already.

“Is that why you’ve been particularly testy at work for the last couple of weeks?” Erwin’s deep voice rumbled. “You were anticipating a date with him?” There was a clear undercurrent of amusement in his tone.

I turned my face away in embarrassment, hating how easily he read me. I could not even try to deny it because it would be a blatant lie. One that I could not back up at all.

“Fuck off,” I said, instead.

Erwin gave a throaty laugh before leaning in, waiting until I gave him my attention again.

“I’m happy for you, Levi.” The sincerity with which he spoke made the already brimming happiness spill over, though I didn’t even let one facial muscle twitch. “I’ve only met him the once, but from what I’ve heard, he’s a good kid. And if the number he’s worked on you is any indication, he’s something special.”

My lip quirked at that, “He is.” But Erwin didn’t have a fucking clue as to how special that brat really was. _Shit. Too many feelings for one day. This is exhausting._

As if to underscore the thought, I had to stifle a yawn. I blinked blearily a few times before focusing on Hanji, who looked ready to spring back up from her seated position at any moment if not for Moblit’s fingers threaded through hers. He was speaking in her ear, though it didn’t really look like she was hearing anything. She was staring at me like I was the most interesting human specimen she had ever encountered and looked fit to burst.

I was going to be sorry for this. “What, Hanji?”

“Levi this is so wonderful I’m so excited for you when I can I study, I mean observe, no _hang out_ with you and Eren?? I’m so happy you finally made a move I just knew when I saw you two at the bar again that something was going to happen you have so much natural chemistry, you’d better keep my present handy—spread a few around the house and in the car and at—“

Hanji was speaking so fast and with so little punctuation I could hardly keep up, but as soon as she referenced the condoms I was done.

“Calm the fuck down.” I overrode her with strong and clear words. “Where I keep them, just like everything to do with my sex life is _my_ business. Stay out of it. If you act like that in front of him, you’re going to traumatize him. You creep the poor kid out enough already.”

Hanji made a whining noise. “He didn’t seem that intimidated. I think he likes me!” she declared happily. I rolled my eyes.

“Whatever. Are we making shit here or going out? I’m fucking hungry and I need more caffeine.”

Erwin spoke up. “I vote for making food here. I’ll cook.” He rose from his seat. “Is your fridge stocked?” he asked me.

“Of course,” I answered. I honestly didn’t know why he bothered with asking anymore. I always had a fresh stock of pretty much anything you could want. I loved cooking and always replaced any used items instantly. “I’ll make crepes.” It was an offer, but also a fact. I wouldn’t take no for an answer. Fortunately, they all knew it and the most opposition I got were two disapproving glares from Erwin and Hanji.

They weren’t disapproving after they ate my crepes. I made fucking delicious crepes.

~~~

The rest of Christmas day came and went with more smiles and laughter on my part than I think even Erwin had seen from me before. Ultimately, that still left such expressions far below the average person’s, but it was significant for me, regardless, and I was happy. I was _fucking happy_ and no one was going to take that from me right now. I had a great job that I was good at, and I had been satisfied up to that point. But the introduction of a certain brunet had changed things for me, and as I stood in front of my floor-length mirror in my bedroom the next day, straightening the light gray dress shirt I’d just donned in anticipation of his arrival, I realized just how grateful for that change I was.

Eren broke up the monotony of what was, otherwise, a very dull life. Not that dull was bad. I would take what I had now any day over the life I had left behind. Living on the edge was not as glamorous as the media tended to make it look. It was fucking tragic, and I was damn grateful Erwin had helped pull me out of those slums. I honestly hadn’t missed the sensation of a thrill running through my body until Eren popped into my life and showed me what I was missing. I had been content until then.

It was true, my uncontrollable reactions had scared the shit out of me initially, and I was still edgy about them, but what it always seemed to come back to was that, for whatever reason, I felt I could trust Eren with that much. The entirety of my heart may still have been off-limits, but I felt like it was safe to open up a little. It was a gut instinct, and my intuition rarely failed me. I had always trusted those instincts to get me through life, even in my job as an editor, and the facts that I was both alive and affluent spoke volumes about their reliability. So even though that inherent trust was in direct opposition to my trained wariness and compulsive need for control, I went with it. Though traces of fear lingered, a greater part of me felt secure with Eren. Especially now that we had both expressed our desire for one another. We were still in a place of vulnerability. I was still going to guard my heart. But I didn’t fear losing control over my body the way I once did. Just thinking about it made a current of excitement buzz through me, picking the tempo of my breathing up.

I wanted to let go _so badly_. I just needed the right person. I wanted Eren to be that person.

And speaking of Eren, he was going to be here any minute.

I gave yet another uncharacteristic small grin to the empty air.

After giving myself one last look-over, I wandered out into the kitchen, contemplating using my new teapot to brew something for Eren and I to drink. _Does the brat even like tea?_ I mentally kicked myself again for still not knowing such a little fact, but then reminded myself that such knowledge came with time. I didn’t have to know everything about him now. In reality, I would never know _everything_ about him. Which was good. It meant that even after we knew each other well, there would still be things to learn. I liked the thought of that. Like a book that’s continually being written. No long periods of waiting for each publication. No rereading the past paperbacks till every word was memorized. There would always be something I didn’t know in the past even as the current narrative was unfolding.

That sounded more interesting than half the shit I read on a daily basis.

I was just putting water on to boil when three solid knocks that I did not recognize were rapped against my front door. My heartbeat picked up, and I looked down at the stovetop to quickly crank the dial to ‘high’ before hurrying down the hallway. I felt highly undignified as I trotted down the hall, but the person on the other side of the wood would never know it happened. I shoved the feelings of foolishness away and peered through the peephole.

My breath hitched for a moment before my hands were fumbling with the lock and I was inwardly cursing myself. _I don’t_ fumble _. What the fuck. Get it together._ I closed my eyes and took a grounding breath, then very deliberately moved my left hand to firmly grip the bolt, finally getting the grasp on it needed to throw it open. I tweaked the door handle and drew the door back to reveal the best thing that had ever shown up on my doorstep.

Eren smiled, showing off those perfect teeth. “Hey, Levi.” His expression was warm, but he carried an air of nervousness. I could not blame him. We had never spent alone time like this before. Previously our moments together occurred while I was on the clock at work. Even the night of the Gala, I was being paid. Erwin knew the lure of a free party complete with high-class food and drink were not enough. He actually paid me to be there because he knew it was the only way I would show up. Our date had finally featured just the two of us while I wasn’t working, but we really hadn’t been particularly alone.

And under these circumstances I had somehow come to the conclusion that a sleepover on our first real evening together, just the two of us, would be a good idea. For as intelligent as I knew I was, I could be a fucking idiot. The rational part of my brain seemed to go on vacation when Eren was involved, however, and the rest of me was certainly not complaining. A whole night with Eren… getting to wake up to Eren… I felt warm in the best kind of way at the thought, regardless of if it was premature or not. It wasn’t like I was going to fuck him. I just… wanted him around. Just him. No Armin, no Hanji—no one but him.

I gave him a reserved, but sincere smile, and held out my hand for the duffle bag he had thrown over his shoulder. “Hey,” I greeted in return. “Take off your shoes and give me your bag,” I directed.

He hesitated in depositing the strap of his bag in my waiting hand, but did so after a moment, and then set about wrenching off his shoes without undoing the laces. He set them next to my shoes in a wooden tray by the door, and then turned to face me again, but I was already in front of him, duffle bag placed to the side so both my hands were free to grip his collar and yank him forward so I could connect his lips with mine. They were just as delicious as I remembered, and though I was far from thinking it at the time, I would later reflect on how distant all thoughts of contamination had been when I followed that impulse. The brat hadn’t even been mine for a week and already I was making big exceptions for him. That wasn’t supposed to happen, right? OCD couldn’t be cured so simply, but I could not deny a change had happened. It wasn’t the largest change that could happen, but it was still a significant one. Even when I felt the urge to kiss people like this in the past, I had never been able to follow through on it.

But with Eren I had, and it was exhilarating. His lips seemed to have gotten a little softer since the last time they met mine and our mouths worked greedily at one another, giving each other little tugs and nips that very rapidly began affecting me in a way I was not prepared to deal with. I pulled away and gave him a smirk as I observed his flushed face, partially trying to hide the crash of desire that look on his face sent through me.

“Welcome to my home,” I said as evenly as I could manage—and I managed well. It was just the minutest bit breathier than usual. I doubted it was noticeable to anyone but me.

“I think I need to come over more often,” he panted with mischief in his sea-green eyes.

“Easy, brat. Let’s get through the first time.” I was teasing, but it was also a reminder, mostly to myself, that a ‘this time’ never guaranteed a ‘next time,’ even in a relationship.

I turned to pick up his duffle bag again and began walking back down the hallway to the kitchen, the water sounding like it was getting close to a boil. I directed Eren to make himself at home in the kitchen/living area before turning down another hall so I could place his bag in my bedroom.

When I came back, Eren was sitting on one of my stools by the counter overlooking the stove. He was looking around with intense curiosity, but his hands were tightly folded in his lap like he expected me to scold him like a naughty child if I found him touching anything.

I could not help the curl that brought to my lips. This brat really was too damn cute.

“Eren,” I called, “Take that stick out of your ass. You don’t have to sit ramrod straight like I’m going to smack you for putting your elbows on the counter. Relax, brat.”

Eren gave me a sheepish smile and I moved the water that had begun to boil in my absence from the stove and moved it to an unused burner, turning off the hot one. His shoulders lost some of their tension, but he still looked a bit uncomfortable. My brow cinched together as I moved to open the cabinet that contained my tea collection, wondering how to make Eren feel at home. To be honest, I had never really allowed my partners to spend much time in my home before. I had never been very good at hospitality. Though I was capable of acting respectably as work called for it, I was simply too blunt of a person for most to find agreeable. It was hard to say why the handful of people I had dated for any length of time stuck around as long as they did. The loss of those partners didn’t bother me, though. As far as I was concerned, I had all the people I could ever need. _Especially now_.

It would bother me if this one walked out of my life.

I located the canister of loose-leaf tea I desired on the top shelf and stretched up on my toes to reach it, using the counter as support. I was just barely able to coax it off the edge with my fingers and caught it expertly in my hand as it dropped off the shelf.

I turned to face a crinkle-eyed Eren, covering the lower half of his face with a hand that did nothing to hide the fact he was smiling. _Was that really all it took?_ I merely rolled my eyes at him and hooked a pinkie under the handle of my new teapot, depositing it on the counter along with the canister.

“Do you like mint tea, Eren?” I inquired.

“Uh… I guess so?” He obviously wasn’t too sure about that. “I mean, I like tea fine, but I don’t drink a lot of it. I think I like mint?” His face was adorably perplexed, and I let a soft chuckle disturb the air between us.

“I guess I’ll give you a taste and then you can tell me if that’s your final answer.”

I popped the top off of the airtight tin and glanced up at my boyfriend, only to find him blushing. I decided to not contemplate it too heavily and carefully measured out crushed leaves to dump in the strainer before pouring the freshly boiled water over them. I placed the top back on the teapot and reached out to set the timer I had next to the stove at all times. Eren just watched me in silence, and when I shifted my attention to him again, he was visibly much more relaxed, leaning forward on the counter with both arms folded laxly in front of him. When his bright green eyes locked with mine he cleared his throat a little and spoke up.

“So are we going to do presents before dinner, or after?”

I pressed my lips together and contemplated that question as the quiet clicks of the timer played in the background. I had just been assuming that we would exchange them before, but the question prompted me to reconsider that assumption. I was eager to exchange gifts with Eren, and would be happy to be rid of the mild anxiety waiting for his reaction was causing me. On the other hand, it might be more intimate after dinner, when we could wind down for the night with satiated stomachs and nothing but each other’s presence to look forward to in the oncoming hours. Of course, if one of us didn’t like what the other had to give, it would be far easier to dismiss that awkwardness if we went out to dinner immediately afterwards. Or maybe it would just increase it. _Shit; stop over-thinking it._ It wasn’t healthy to sweep things under the rug anyway. Fuck it. “I would prefer after,” I finally decided.

I couldn’t tell if Eren looked putout or at ease. _Why the fuck am I even thinking in dichotomies? He looks both._ I felt similarly, but I was pleased with the choice I had made. I liked the idea of us sitting on the couch, curled up next to one another, sipping hot drinks and exchanging gifts by the Christmas shrub with nothing but its light, and maybe a few lamps, to light us.

 _Wow. Since when did I get so fucking sappy?_ I asked myself. _Since Eren fucking Yeager._ That was possibly the stupidest conversation to ever occur within the confines of my head.

“Alright,” he said, a slight tremor in his voice, but a charming smile masking any unease. _Fuck, if this kid keeps looking at me like that I’m going to completely lose my edge._ He had already dulled it quite thoroughly. And that was before we were dating. I was fucked now.

The timer beeped at my elbow and I moved it away from me before dragging my eyes away from Eren’s face in order to remove the strainer and pour the steaming liquid into the two cups that came with the pot.

“Would you like yours with honey?” I could already see confusion clouding Eren’s lovely eyes before I even finished my sentence and changed my mind, deciding for him. “Never mind. You’re having yours with honey,” I told him.

I pivoted and headed back for the cabinet, removing a small jar of good honey and bringing it back. I kept my head down as I opened the jar and procured a wooden honey dipper to transfer the sweet substance into the cups. I added just a touch to my cup before peering up through my lashes at Eren and smiling a bit. “You like things sweet,” I stated.

Eren’s cheeks colored a little, but his eyes didn’t budge a millimeter as he looked back at me. “I thought you didn’t like adding things to your drinks,” he said, ignoring my comment.

I shrugged and scooped more honey to stir into his cup. “Occasionally I like to blend a little honey into my tea. I like it just fine without, but sometimes a hint of another flavor is nice. It pairs well with mint,” I told him.

Eren hummed a little in apparent acceptance of my answer, and I passed his cup over to him, setting my own cup on the counter as well before walking around to the other side so I could sit next to him while we drank.

“When will we have to leave?” Eren asked as soon as I was settled. He noisily blew on his tea.

I stretched my left arm out in front to pull back my shirtsleeve before bending it to look at my fairly unostentatious dress watch. Only people who knew watches would be able to tell this one was several thousand dollars. I didn’t buy shit very often, but when I did, it was high-quality shit.

“In a half hour,” I answered. “I want to be there before Armin and your sister.”

“Alright,” he answered without protest. He held his teacup from the bottom and brought it to his lips for a hesitant sip. He licked his lips after he was finished and I mirrored the action before I knew what I was doing. I cocked my head and waited for his verdict.

He took another, longer sip and then looked to me. “I like it,” he finally replied. “Thank you, Levi.”

I liked the way my name fell from his tongue. “No problem, brat.” I took a drink from my own cup. When he set his down again I kicked his shin to get his attention. “Tell me about your day yesterday. I hardly heard from you.” Not that I minded that. I had not been obsessively checking my phone every three minutes. I had my own guests over, and though the thought of Eren crossed my mind frequently, I was far from needing to be in constant touch with him. That did not mean I didn’t care about what he had been up to, though. Our texts last night had mostly consisted of ‘remind me to tell you…’ notes.

Eren’s face lit up at the mention of last night, even through the lingering expression of pain as he rubbed his leg. _Might have kicked him a little too hard._

“It was great!” he said enthusiastically, straightening up. “It was really nice after telling Mikasa everything. I really should have placed more faith in her. We slept in and did presents around 11 and then Mikasa made us a Christmas brunch _feast._ Oh! And Armin gave me an advanced copy of his book. I didn’t even realize it had run!”

“It is releasing just after the first of the year. Armin’s going to be doing a signing at Shiganshina.”

“Shit, I should probably know that,” he muttered.

“You probably should,” I agreed.

“What about you?” he asked. “Hanji and Erwin were over, right?”

“And Moblit,” I added. I hadn’t really told him much about my Christmas and birthday. Just mentioned Erwin cooking and complained a little about Hanji. I’d be damned if I told him _everything_ I had to complain about concerning Hanji, though. Never had I been as grateful for my need for organization. The box of condoms was already shoved in the back corner of one of my bathroom drawers below a stack of towels… Though I might have opened it and put a few in my nightstand, just in case.

“Oh, right. Hanji’s significant other, right?” he queried.

“Yes. I am not as close with him, but the man has a particular knack for restraining her. As much as Hanji can be restrained.” Eren gave me a sympathetic look. It did not take much exposure to Hanji to understand. I paused a moment, taking in the last of my beverage. “It was the best Christmas I can remember,” I said softly.

Eren’s eyebrows furrowed at that, somehow picking up on what I wasn’t saying and appearing concerned. He apparently decided not to press, though, for his expression smoothed after a beat and he shyly reached out to grasp my hand where it lay on the countertop. “I’m glad.” His eyes were liquid teal now. The air felt thick and weighty. I could hardly breathe.

He leaned forward and I inclined to meet him, his warm lips pressed heavily into mine and cleared the atmosphere around us, allowing me to breathe deeply. He tasted of sweet tea and I didn’t mind one bit. No thoughts of washing my lips and rinsing out my mouth came, only the desire for _more_.

We did not have time for more, however, so I reluctantly withdrew from the kiss, glancing at my watch again. I sighed through my nose.

“We need to get going,” I said.

Eren was biting his lower lip, and I was more than tempted to pull him into my arms and resume kissing him, but I held fast to my control over myself for once and stuck to my decision. “Come on, brat,” I prompted, sliding off the stool and grabbing both our cups to place in the sink. “Take a shit if you need to, and then we are leaving,”  
I continued, washing my hands thoroughly and doing my best to ignore the disappointed aura enveloping him. _Damn fucking brat making it so hard to say no…_

“I’m good,” he sighed. I ripped off a paper towel to dry my hands with.

“Don’t look so put out, brat. We’ve got all night.” _Damn it. Why did I say that? Now the kid is going to get ideas. I still have to talk to—_

“You’re right,” Eren’s voice cut off my racing thoughts. “No need to rush things.”

I straightened from tossing the paper towel in the garbage and tried not to gawk at him. His entire demeanor had shifted. He now looked almost sheepish—like he was embarrassed or had been chastised.

As I walked back over he stood up and offered his hand to me. I considered not taking it for a second, disliking the idea of touching something so soon after I had washed. But I would have to touch my keys, the door handle, my car… I would have to wash again at the restaurant, anyway. I quickly snatched my phone, wallet, and keys, shoving my cell and wallet in separate pockets, but keeping my keys in my hand. Eren waited patiently till I was done and then offered me his hand again, which I took without pause this time.

It warmed my fingers instantly, just as it warmed my heart, though the sweet feeling was tinged by bitter longing.

_I really fucking hope he stays._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone is confused... the last line refers to Levi's life, not the night. Also, his watch is Jaeger-Lecoultre. He bought it long before he knew Eren. ;)
> 
> And now to discuss Chapter 13... I wish I had more time in my life right now, but things are going to be insane until my semester ends, and that's going to be on April 28th. In all honesty, it's probably unlikely I'll get another chapter up till the first week of May. I'll update ASAP as soon as I go on break, but I really need to be able to focus on work until then. If I have time to do some writing and can post, I definitely will. I just don't want people to be expecting my 2-ish week thing to hold for the next month. I'm super sorry. I like updating semi-regularly for people because I know what it feels like to really like a story and be eagerly awaiting more. I'll do my best to not keep you guys waiting longer than necessary!
> 
> Thank you to those of you who have been so understanding and encouraging! I really appreciate it.
> 
> You all warm my heart. And I do mean all of you. You do not have to comment for me to be fond of you! <3  
> (But I do like talking to people! You don't have to be scared of me!) ;)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi is alone with Mikasa and spends his first night with Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY.
> 
> THANK YOU all for being so patient with me, and for all the love you guys continue to give the story with your kudos and subscriptions and whatnot. ^_^ I finished another semester of grad school and haven't failed anything yet, so I consider that a success.
> 
> Goodness, guys, it's been forever. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to finally get another chapter up! It was surprisingly hard to get back into after not writing much for a month. Hopefully it's not too off the mark. This chapter is quite long, so it would be unfortunate if it sucked. Semi-regular updates should be resuming now, so that will keep me in tune with the story.
> 
> As usual, I will love you if you point out my mistakes so I can fix them. I corrected so many and there are probably still some good ones in here somewhere.
> 
> Enjoy your 8448 words of Levi and Eren?

We arrived at the restaurant promptly at a quarter to seven. I drove into the valet drop-off, a uniformed young man promptly opening my door for me, but Eren left to get out himself. I nodded to the valet and did not bat an eye as I stepped away from my vehicle and he began moving it to the lot. This was a reputable place of business. I had no qualms about letting them handle my car.

I walked over to where Eren was standing, looking rather uncomfortable, and offered him my arm like a gentleman. Eren’s cheeks flooded with bright color, but accepted the invitation and threaded his arm through mine, lightly gripping my bicep. I flexed a little and threw him a small smirk and a glance. He was still looking embarrassed, but his fingers began to gently caress my inner arm. My chest filled with what was now becoming a familiar warmth at that small action, and I proudly guided Eren to the front entrance, where the doors were opened for us upon sight by two eloquently dressed doormen. If they were surprised to see two men walking in together so intimately, they were professional enough not to show it. I couldn’t give two shits if there were any homophobic assholes in the area. Eren was special to me, and I was going to treat him as such. Everyone else could shove it.

We strolled up to the elaborate counter at the front, and I gave them my name, informing them that the second half of our party should be arriving shortly, but we were ready to be seated. The woman smiled at us and asked for a moment to check on our table.

It wasn’t a minute later that we were being shown back to our table, Eren and I still linked arm in arm, as there was plenty of room in the restaurant to navigate between the tables. The hostess stopped at a high-backed booth with velvet cushioning, the dark polished wood matching that of the table. I slid into one of the sides and Eren moved to sit next to me. Were he any of my previous lovers, I might have complained. But as his warm thigh bumped lightly against mine, I found all parts of me that cared falling silent and letting it happen. With another smile and the assurance that our waiter would be with us soon, the woman deposited a couple of menus into our hands and left us.

For a few minutes, Eren and I sat quietly as we looked over the menu. I hadn’t been here in a while, and noted that they had a few new items. I scanned the listings quickly and decided to get one of their chicken entrées, along with the recommended paired wine. I would wait to order my drink till later, though. For now I was satisfied with the glass of water placed in front of me, and reached out to take a sip, shifting my shoulders towards Eren as I set the glass down. He was staring down the menu with an adorable furrow to his brow.

“Eren, if you need to cleanse your bowels now, the toilets are over there.” I nodded my head in the direction of the restrooms as he lifted his head to look at me.

“Sorry,” he muttered, eyes dipping back down to the menu. “A lot of things sound good to me, but everything is so expensive…” he trailed off.

I turned my gaze chastising and reached over to briefly touch his chin, getting him to look at me again. “Do you think I would have insisted on this place if I couldn’t pay for it?” His mouth began to open, but I continued on, not giving him the chance to respond. “I am not short on cash, Eren. I get paid well and I live pretty simply, most of the time. A little indulgence every so often is nothing.” The corner of my lip curled up. “So order whatever shit you want, brat. Though I happen to think your constipated face is pretty cute, the rest of the occupants may not be so pleased you look like you’re trying to take a dump in your seat.”

Eren resumed scanning the menu, a frown dragging his lips down. “You have a terrible sense of humor,” he groused, blushing beautifully.

“Maybe,” I said, my eyes never leaving his face, “but you’re picking it up.”

His eyes were boring into the menu so hard at that comment it almost looked like he was trying to get it to burst into flames. He brought the folds in closer to frame his face, trying to hide the flare of color across his cheeks. “Don’t remind me,” his words came out dampened by the proximity of the thick menu.

I chuckled and moved my left hand to rest just above his knee, giving his leg a light squeeze. He finally brought the menu down to fix me with his brilliant irises, which appeared to be a deep shade of turquoise dancing with sparks of gold in the warm lighting. He was directing a small, sweet, smile at me, and I almost returned it to him before I froze when the feeling of being watched swept over me. I snapped my eyes over to the sight of a beautiful, and surprisingly muscular, young Asian woman I recognized as Eren’s adoptive sister staring me down as she gracefully followed after a host, Armin no more than a step behind her.

I flicked my gaze back to Eren for a moment, and noticed how tense he had become. I surreptitiously flexed my fingers against his leg again, this time as a gesture of reassurance. He gave me a nervous smile before turning his attention back to the rest of our party as they came to our booth. I followed suit and gave them my attention once more, and was surprised to find that Mikasa’s features had softened considerably. She smiled politely at me as she waited for Armin to settle himself on the far end of the table, then slid in herself, taking a moment to adjust her extremely flattering red dress before properly acknowledging the host as he handed her a menu and, just like the hostess before him, told us that someone would be there shortly to take our drink orders.

As soon as he left us, Armin spoke up, “Hey, I hope you guys didn’t have to wait too long for us. There was a little bit of traffic.”

I withdrew my hand from Eren’s leg to check my watch. “You’re right on time, Arlert. Don’t worry about it,” I told him. Armin seemed to have it in his head that being ‘on time’ meant being present before whomever he was meeting. I only got pissy when people showed up after the agreed upon time. Since they were still a few minutes early, he was just being apologetic over nothing.

“Right,” he said, with a light laugh. “You both look really nice, by the way.”

I smirked a little at that. “So do the two of you.” I turned my attention to Mikasa. “I know we’ve met a few times before, but since it has been a while let me reintroduce myself,” I stated courteously, “I’m Levi.” She extended her slender hand across the table. Eren tensed beside me, and I stared hard at her for a moment before gritting my teeth and moving to grasp her surprisingly strong and calloused fingers. I would just wash my hands later. I gave her another look-over, better able to appreciate the definition of her muscles now that she was closer. _What does she do for a living?_ If I knew at one point, I could not remember.

“Mikasa,” she returned, eyeing me a bit critically. I did not mind. I was quite used to being sized up, though such events usually did not come in this particular context. “Nice to meet you again.” Her voice was a little tight, but she gave no outward signs of hostility.

“Likewise,” I replied, just as a black bow tie adorned waiter strolled up to our table, small notepad in hand. Mikasa quickly picked up her menu and began scanning.

“Good evening. I’m Daz and I’ll be your waiter today. Can I get some drinks started for you?” he recited, glancing around our table, eyes resting on Mikasa. She glanced up before shifting to look at her brother.

“Go ahead. I need a minute,” she told him.

Eren briefly glanced from Daz, to his sister, and back again before actually ordering. “Uh… I’ll just have a Coke,” he requested.

The waiter glanced to me next, so I told him I would hold off until we ordered our dinner. After he got Armin’s and Mikasa’s orders and finally left us to our own devices, I shifted, once again, to address Eren.

“I bring you to the most expensive restaurant in the area, and you order a Coke?” I intended to tease him, but that did not stop me from feeling the near _injustice_ of the fact that he did not order some form of alcohol, like the other two had.

“I like Coke,” he said, mildly defensive. “They mostly offer wine here. I don’t really like wine. I would have asked for a rum and Coke, but this place just seemed too fancy for that.

“But not too fancy for a plain Coke,” I deadpanned. Witnessing the slow cogs of Eren’s mind churn as he thought about that was most enjoyable. “Don’t think too hard, kid.” From across the table, I could actually see Mikasa bristle in almost the _exact_ way Eren had in the beginning of our acquaintance. _I guess these two really are siblings._ I mused. “Order whatever the fuck you are going to enjoy. Don’t let the ambiance control your choices. I doubt anyone at this table gives a shit. I certainly don’t. Order what or however much you want as long as you are going to enjoy it. I don’t mind spending money on that. I will only consider it a waste if it is not what you really want.

“I like Coke!” he repeated, insistent.

I smiled a little at him, “I know you do, brat.” I was suddenly struck by the impulse to ruffle his hair, but I restrained it. Not in public, especially not with two people sitting across from us. _Shit. Did I actually forget they were there?_ My heartbeat spiked a little. These people were trusted, but what if acquaintances were seated across from us instead? So much could have taken place in the amount of time I spent lost in Eren. _But you are not with strangers. You let your guard down because you were already aware these people mean no harm._ I glanced at Mikasa, who was once again giving me a rather disproving stare. _Or much harm._

That is what I would keep telling myself.

“By the way, Levi,” Armin spoke up. “Merry Christmas.” I was about to return the sentiment, but apparently he had only paused for dramatic effect. “And _happy birthday_.” The accusation in those two words was laid on so thick it was not meant to be a simple guilt-trip, but a fucking guilt wrecking ball.

This is to say, I actually felt a twinge of guilt for keeping the knowledge of the day of my birth from him. Which was impressive.

“Damn, Arlert, you say it like I forgot _your_ birthday.” Feeling a little bad about it didn’t mean the kid was getting an apology. I liked Armin, and would even consider him a friend, but we weren’t _that_ friendly. Even depositing the information with Eren had been done with great reluctance.

“You had been my editor for _seven_ months when you had your birthday last year!” he recounted, utterly disbelieving.

“Your point?” I countered. It was true that Arlert and I had formed a pretty companionable working relationship at that point, which was rare for me, but I was seldom comfortable mixing work with our personal lives. Doing such things was a very recent development for me in the course of my career.

“ _Seven months_ ,” he reiterated. “It’s shameful that I didn’t even know I missed your birthday last year until this week.”

“Our relationship was still strictly professional back then,” I stated what should have been obvious. “I wasn’t going out to bars and dating your roommate.”

Armin’s eyes flashed. “Were you _ever_ going to tell me?”

 _Damn it. This kid…_ “No,” I admitted.

Arlert shook his head with a sigh and looked over at my shitty brat, “Good luck with him, Eren.”

Eren fucking _beamed_ back at him, which had my throat tightening. I casually lifted my water glass from the table and took a swig, forcing my muscles to expand a little as the ball of water worked its way down. The act itself didn’t do much to ease the tension, but it gave me a moment to quell the surge of tumultuous emotions. No more than a few seconds passed and I was fine.

I felt, more than saw, Eren shrug beside me. “Thanks, but I’m already pretty used to dealing with how stubborn he is by now. I thought you would be the master of that after working with him for so long, Armin.”

“Shitty brat,” I muttered, nudging him in the ribs with my elbow. The shit actually had the audacity to laugh, but it didn’t escape my attention that he was gingerly rubbing at his side. _Hm. I really need to work on that._ I found his right hand on top of his thigh and quickly squeezed it in lieu of an apology.

As Eren’s shoulders stopped shaking beside me, I glanced over at Mikasa. She had been very quiet, but to my great surprise, she was smiling.

Our waiter appeared again, this time with a tray of drinks that he expertly placed in front of the other three at the booth. “Have you all made decisions on what you would like this evening?”

We all went around and gave our orders, and Daz slipped away once again.

Eren promptly started rising from the table. “I’m going to the bathroom,” he said, taking a few steps to the right of our booth before pausing and turning back to look at me. “Uh…”

 _Dumbass_. I thought fondly. He obviously had already forgotten the direction of the restrooms I had so kindly pointed out to him earlier. I would never admit to how pleased I was that he automatically consulted me. Not that anyone else in our group would know. It contented me anyway. “Other way, you shit,” I helpfully provided.

Eren began flushing red as he redirected himself, giving me a little embarrassed smile before he stepped out of my line of sight.

Without Eren there, the atmosphere became a little heavier and a little more awkward. As Armin sipped from his glass of white wine, I got a distinct sense that he was remaining quiet on purpose. It was a feeling I was all too familiar with, primarily from being friends with Hanji. It was like he was holding his own little experiment to see what Mikasa and I would do with one another.

My suspicion was confirmed when he daintily set down his glass and put a gentle hand on Mikasa’s shoulder, requesting that she move so he, too, could go to the restroom.

_Fucking finally. Let’s get this over with._

Eren was going to flip his shit when he realized we were alone, so we were going to have to make this quick. Mikasa did not waste any time getting started.

“So you and my brother,” she said the instant Armin was out of earshot. If she thought that was going to get a conversation going with me, she was about to be disappointed. I raised an eyebrow and took a sip of wine, acting like we had endless time, not letting her hard gaze bother me in the slightest.

She continued her stony stare for a few moments longer before letting out a labored sigh. She crossed her arms on the table and leaned forward, all business, with no regard for the establishment she was in.

“Look. I’ve never been overly fond of you,” she huffed out. “From the first time I saw you, I knew there was something funny in the way you looked at Eren, and you were a complete and total ass. I hate people who treat Eren _or_ Armin poorly, and you haven’t done a whole lot to impress me in the past.” She shifted her position, relaxing a little and letting her eyes soften. “But I can tell that you care about him. I don’t really get what my brother sees in you, but for some reason you make him happy. Both Armin and he insist you’re a good guy. I still can’t say I’m thrilled like he is, but I promised Eren I’d give you a chance. You might not be as bad as I first thought, but if you pull _anything_ funny on Eren don’t expect to get away unscathed.”

I blinked lazily. That was… nowhere near as bad as I had been expecting. Even after Eren reporting that she accepted the news of us well, based on his previous ramblings and the dark looks I was receiving, I had been assuming she’d show at least a _little_ more aggression.

_She did just threaten you._

She meant it, too. But it was almost laughable. I had been threatened many times by much more frightening people. Not that this young woman seemed to lack the will or ability to follow it up; I just knew her words were born from unenlightened thinking. She could only consider things from an Eren-centric perspective. Little did she know of what I felt for her dear brother. If someone were at risk for heartbreak, surely I would be the one in greater peril.

She did not need to know that, though.

“Noted,” I said calmly and flatly. “Anything else?”

She resumed a more appropriate posture and thought it over, eyes raking up and down me judgmentally all-the-while. “Yeah,” she said after a minute. “Why Eren?”

That took me aback, though I was able to keep the reaction masked. _Why Eren?_ I let incredulity slip over my features, wanting her to see how ridiculous I found that question. “Fuck if I know,” I answered truthfully.

Her fine eyebrows drew towards each other. “You don’t know?” She did not seem to understand how this was possible. _How naïve._

“Should I?” I retorted.

Her lips parted, but she then seemed to think better of herself, opting to just continue looking at me in a vaguely displeased way. I held in a sigh, figuring I should probably elaborate a little, just this once, for the sake of Eren and our relationship.

“I honestly do not know what the fuck it is about your brother,” I said with a minute shrug. “I do not know why he would want me, either. He’s young, obnoxious, and fiery, while I’m old, snarky, and cold. I know it does not sound like a very good combination, but,” I paused, reluctant to tell a near stranger something so personal. Something I would not yet even say to my closest friends. Looking at Mikasa, though, thinking about her words… she needed to hear this. She needed to know Eren was safe with me or she would not let this go. Both Eren and the woman herself were making that abundantly clear. I leaned forward a little, hoping to convey how much I meant my next words, “I do not want to fuck this up.”

It was not eloquent, I knew that, but I hoped the gravity of my sentiment would break through anyway. I did not know another way of saying it. I would do whatever I could to keep our relationship healthy. Misunderstandings and fights were impossible to avoid—I was not stupid—but I would do what I could to repair things when they were broken. I was not so foolish to spout nonsense about changing myself or changing him—there were still basic aspects of who we were that just might not work together in the long run. That would not stop me from trying to make it, though.

Eren was like a lightening bolt. He struck me without warning and shook me to the core. It was frightening, but he made my nerves come alive. There was risk, and he always left me with the sense that parts of the thick barrier I’d put up around myself were burned away, leaving my skin bare, sensitive, and vulnerable, but it also allowed me to make contact with the world more intimately, in a way that was becoming addictive. He made me feel things I had questioned I was even capable of experiencing anymore, and that was worth hanging on to.

Slowly, Mikasa nodded. I was watching her expression carefully, but she had an impressive poker face of her own. “I believe you,” she stated simply.

“Good,” I replied, not feeling the need to convince her of my feelings any further. The atmosphere around us had changed from mildly hostile to modestly respectful. We had come to an understanding.

“I’ll still kill you if you hurt him.” Her eyes weren’t as cold as before.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

She smiled. A beat passed.

“So what do you do?” I finally asked, since I was actually rather curious and the topic had not yet come up.

Her eyes suddenly came alive. “Oh, I—” she abruptly cut herself off, watching something further in the restaurant. I moved over into the spot Eren had been occupying and turned to look just in time to witness Eren barreling down the aisle with some kind of mild panic plastered across his face. Armin was right behind him, but he did not look concerned in the slightest. Rather, traces of smugness graced his features. _Not bad, Arlert._

As soon as Eren got to our table and saw Mikasa and me sitting there peacefully, he let out a huge sigh of what I could only assume was relief.

“Thank God,” he breathed. _Yeah. Definitely lost his shit_. As far as I was aware, Eren was not religious in the slightest.

I moved back over to make room for Eren, who all but fell back into the booth.

“Eren, you’re acting like you thought you were going to come back to a murder scene,” Mikasa chided.

“I thought I was!” Eren exclaimed.

I held back the compulsion to elbow him again. “Keep it down, brat.”

Eren looked around quickly, properly embarrassed. “Honestly, Eren. Have some faith in us. Levi and I are adults. We are more than capable of acting as such.” She turned her attention to me, “I wish you’d stop calling Eren a brat.”

“What do I look like, a fucking fairy? I don’t grant wishes,” I balked at her.

“It’s fine, Mikasa,” Eren groaned. “I’ve asked him 104 times already. I’ve given up.”

“That’s oddly specific, Eren. Have you been counting?” I teased.

Eren stubbornly ignored me.

~~~

We continued on like that, bantering playfully and chatting. I finally found out what Mikasa did and suddenly her toned physique made a lot more sense. I told her I would be interested in attending a lesson if I was ever in her area. Eren was unnaturally enthusiastic about the idea—to the point where I was already thinking about a good time to take a few vacation days.

When the food came, our discussion slowed considerably, the brats practically drooling over their food between bites. I could not blame them. That shit was worth every penny.

As the dinner drew to a close, I found a small ball of apprehension lodged somewhere next to my full stomach, making me fight with myself to not indulge my restlessness. I was so very close to being alone with Eren again, and I was both eager and anxious for it.

When we finally finished up, bill paid and Mikasa and Armin with small to-go containers, Eren made to say goodbye, hugging both of them in the glow of the restaurant seeping through the glass doors. I did not bother to shake either of their hands and merely reiterated that it was nice getting to know Mikasa better. I actually liked her quite a bit. She had some of Eren’s fire, but was more levelheaded and controlled. I had an appreciation for those things.

“So…” Eren began tentatively, once we were back in my car, on the road, “what happened while Armin and I were in the bathroom?”

“Nothing much,” I replied, finding his excessive worry simultaneously cute and irritating. “She threatened to kill me if I hurt you; I said okay.” I was not about to repeat what I had told Mikasa earlier. Enough sentimental shit was about to go down tonight without the addition of me spouting off how pathetically desperate I was to keep him around.

Eren looked mildly upset, “You agreed to let her kill you?”

I tsked. “Only if I hurt you, brat. Seems fair.”

“You do realize she’s going to use that as an excuse to kill you anytime we have a disagreement, right?” he asked in a tone that was bordering on condescension.

“You blow things out of proportion, Eren. Your sister’s not that bad. We have an understanding,” I informed him.

He looked dubious, but remained quiet for the rest of the drive, only speaking again once I was about to pull into my garage.

“Could you let me out real quick before you pull in?” he requested.

“You’re not going to run out on me are you?” What was supposed to be a playful jibe came out sounding a little too much like insecurity for my liking.

He gave a short, but genuine laugh. “No, I just forgot to bring your suit jacket in earlier. I have it hanging in the back of my car.

Fuck, I had forgotten about that thing. I didn’t even try to mask my surprise at his attempt to treat it properly. I had already resigned myself to getting it back wrinkled by some piss-poor folding job. _I probably have Arlert to thank for this one_.

Even if that blond mushroom had a hand in it, I still found Eren’s efforts to do things right precious. I halted my car next to his and let him slide out before driving my car into its place of shelter. By the time I was getting out, Eren was already back, my jacket hanging neatly on a heavy hanger.

I shut the garage door and unlocked the door leading into my house, Eren in tow. Now that we were back in my home, my nerves were feeling more frayed than ever, but I continued to breathe evenly, refusing to let the feelings get the better of me. As we walked into my kitchen I silently gestured for him to hand the jacket over. He did so without complaint, and then I instructed him to pour us a couple of drinks from the decanter in the corner while I put my suit jacket away. I did not know about him, but I could certainly use something to take the edge off my sharply prodding worry.

I returned my jacket to its proper place with the rest of my suit before heading into the bathroom to wash my hands. As I dried them off, I looked up into my reflection, which caused a disapproving scowl to contort my features. The shadows haunting my eyes looked darker than ever, making me feel old. _Too old for Eren._

I forced the thought trying to echo in my head aside and made my way back out of my bedroom, only pausing for a single steadying breath before returning to the shit who had, I reminded myself, consented to date me.

Eren had apparently gotten over his nervousness from earlier, as he was seated pretty cozily in the corner of my ‘L’ couch, a glass of cognac in his hands. As soon as he saw me, however, he nearly bolted upright, drink sloshing dangerously in his grip. I was frozen until the contents of his glass began to settle again.

“Shit! I forgot to get your gifts out of my bag!” he exclaimed to me. _That’s what he nearly ruined my carpet for?_

“Then go get them, brat. Your bag is right next to the bed. Even you can’t miss it.”

He rose and quickly set his glass on the same table my drink was resting on, then scampered down the hallway, only hesitating slightly as he peered into each room, not certain of which one was my bedroom. I settled myself in between the table and where Eren had been, lifting my cognac and taking a moment to appreciate the bouquet before taking a tiny sip. Immediately followed by a few more lengthy sips. I had made a good dent by the time Eren trotted back, looking both nervous and pleased.

He sat himself back in his previous position, the two gifts in between us. They had, without a doubt, the shittiest wrapping job I had ever seen.

My chest bubbled with warmth.

“I’m pleasantly surprised. I thought for sure you’d be a cheap shit and only get me one gift like most everybody else,” I told him.

Eren’s frown was so sincere that my lips twitched reflexively, but I held back the smile that wanted to break through. “Of course I wouldn’t, Levi.”

“I’m just fucking with you, brat. Don’t look so put out.” I found myself reaching out a hand before realizing I had no idea what to do with it. Affectionate gestures had never come naturally to me before, but I couldn’t seem to stop them with Eren. Or at least the beginnings of them. After holding my arm out between us for an awkward length of time, I decided on returning it to my side. Eren’s eyes turned sad like some tiny abused creature and my heart constricted. Why did I have to be so damn bad at this relationship shit when it counted? An unpleasant pang went through me as my thought from the bathroom returned.

“Which one should I open first?” I inquired, hoping to get his mind on other things besides my ineptitude at being a good boyfriend.

Eren looked down at the two parcels and pushed the smaller of the two in my direction. “Your present is under the tree, by the way,” I informed him as I picked up the package.

His eyes swept my living room, confusion pinching his brows. “Tree?”

I sighed heavily, lifting my eyes to the ceiling and trying to remind myself that Eren was _not_ the one who had pestered me about my lack of ‘proper’ Christmas tree for hours.

“The lighted bush,” I spoke in a more monotone voice than usual.

His lips formed a little ‘o’ and he got up to retrieve the crisply wrapped rectangle from beneath the scant foliage. He placed it on the ground next to his seat and scooted a little closer to me than before, obviously restlessly eager for me to open my present.

Though I usually liked to open my gifts with systematic precision and neatness, I couldn’t figure out where the fuck the thing was taped together, as random strips of the stuff seemed to be everywhere. After turning the package over in my hands a couple of times and hearing the contents shift, I finally gave up and just ripped the thing open.

Relief flooded through me as I registered that I would not have to feign pleasure in response to this gift. Just to be sure, I popped the top off the canister and inhaled deeply. _Yes._ That was definitely the rich, earthy aroma of black tea.

“You are a mind reader, you know that, kid?” I said fondly.

His thick eyebrows lifted a little.

“Yesterday I was thinking that I would have to pick up more leaves soon. But it looks like you did that for me.” The smile I threw him was warm, and the dust of rose it brought to his cheeks made me want to kiss them. Instead I turned away from him and took another drink, not quite influenced enough for my liking yet. Especially not if he was going to be opening my gift next.

“Go on, brat,” I said, ridding my hands of the glass once more.

Eren shook his head. “No. I want you to open your other gift now.” His eyes were so firmly set that my protest died before it even reached my tongue, and I soundlessly held my hand out for my other present, my heart pounding a little stronger for some reason. _Why am I so nervous?_

This package was wrapped with a little more sense. I could actually make out the seam on this one, though there was still way more tape used than was actually needed. Still, I found it oddly touching that he had stubbornly refused to ask for help with this, even though the result was something that looked more like a shiny green log of shit than a gift. I undid the wrapping with as much neatness as I could manage, a meaningful sort of heaviness settling on my chest as I withdrew an exquisite scarf from Eren’s horrendous wrapping job, though for the moment I had forgotten about the young man.

I was utterly captivated by the soft object in my hands, a lump forming in my throat as I batted the paper aside and laid the fabric over my lap, displaying two objects I could only think to describe as wings overlapping one another. I felt my brow draw together as I stared down at the symbol, the colors that reminded me of Eren’s eyes shifting slightly with the minor trembling of my fingers. My reaction confused me. I had never seen anything like this before, but I knew the emotions it was making me feel well: hope, sadness, bitterness, _pride_. It was disorienting… and then it was gone.

I blinked twice, still a little dazed in the aftermath of whatever the fuck that was. _Am I drunk?_ I didn’t feel drunk yet. I was not even properly buzzed.

It was only when I actually _heard_ Eren gulp that I remembered I had someone next to me. Someone waiting for a reaction. I shifted my eyes to catch his, and the feeling that overtook me was so strong I _had_ to look away. I gripped the scarf in my hands tightly and spoke to the empty air in front of me. “I love it, Eren,” I said quietly, my voice much steadier than I anticipated it being.

“Really?” came Eren’s wavering voice.

“Yes.”

It was a couple of minutes before either of us spoke again. Eren seemed to instinctively understand I needed a moment and let me have it, not attempting to touch me or fidget. I found something about sharing that particular stillness reverent. Like we were having a moment of silence to honor something forgotten, but important.

When I finally lifted my head again, Eren was already looking at me. I leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Thank you.”

Eren’s mouth curved upwards and I had to stop myself from going back for another. Not that it was that difficult, since Eren was already sliding down to the floor like a damn child to snatch my gift for him up with a hungry look in his eyes. As much as I wanted to get this over with, I needed him to hear a few things before he actually saw what was inside.

“Hold the fuck up, brat.” He paused just as he was about to tear into my perfect wrapping job, looking like a wide-eyed kid just told he couldn’t have any of his birthday cake. “I need to explain some shit first,” I said with the barest hint of a sigh. I had been second-guessing this gift ever since I decided on it. I felt horribly exposed in this romantic setting, about to give him something horrendously cheesy and _personal_ , but it was too late now.

Eren finally lowered the present to his lap and looked at me with a surprising amount of patience, though his eyes still seemed unnaturally large.

“I am really shitty at giving gifts,” I stated it as the fact it was. “Meaning I have no creativity. I didn’t know what the fuck to get you, so I ended up making Arlert help me. Sorry.” The apology came out sounding forced. _Shit, this is awkward._ I really did feel a little guilty about not knowing what to get him, though. I had known him long enough that one would think I could come up with at least one shitty gift, but no matter how much I pondered the matter, I came up empty. I really was left with no other choice this time. But there was no way I was letting it happen again.

“He was trying to help me come up with some ideas and I suggested something that was supposed to be a joke, but he actually thought was a really good idea.” Eren’s green orbs were all sparkling curiosity now. I could practically see his fingers itching to open the package and find out what was underneath. “I still think it is pretty fucking lame, but it _is_ something unique…” I let my voice trail off, realizing that maybe I did not have as much to say as I thought I did. Actually that was just really fucking embarrassing. _I give up_. “Just open it,” I resignedly ordered.

Eren did not even let me finish my sentence, already ripping into the paper at the first syllable of ‘open.’ An instant later, the brat found himself holding a book, and was obviously confused for a moment before he read the name of the author. Then his eyes were pure awe.

“Levi, you—” his voice abruptly choked off. He was oozing wonder and it made my stomach twist in a funny way. I decided that _now_ some elaboration was probably warranted.

“I… I actually wrote a lot when I was younger,” I admitted. “It helped me deal with some of the shit I was going through. I started that,” I nodded to the book in his hands, “after I had a dream one night. It was of two warriors. One was holding the other, and I knew they were in love, but—“ I stopped, abruptly realizing the error I was about to make. “Actually, telling you that shit would ruin the plot. I think you’ll know the moment when you read it, though. Anyway, I had that dream when I was about fourteen, and I decided to build a story around it. I worked on it all through high school. I finished it at the end of my senior year.”

“You wrote this as a teenager?” He sounded even more impressed. I snorted.

“Yeah, but it was a load of shit. I didn’t touch the thing again for years. I actually carried it around on a floppy disk.” I threw a suspicious glare at my boyfriend. “Do you even know what a floppy disk is?” I questioned, accusation already present in my voice.

Eren looked outraged. “ _Of course_ I know what a fucking floppy disk is!” he shouted. “I’m not _that_ young!”

I continued to eye him, abnormally relieved by his words, but not letting it show, and he began to pout. “I used them!” he insisted.

“If you say so.”

“I did!”

I held up a hand in surrender. “Anyway, brat. I didn’t touch the thing again until after I was employed at Survey. I decided to edit my own work and make it something halfway decent. I self-published a handful of copies for my friends, since they would not stop nagging me about it. Very few people even know that book exists, and if you even _think_ about showing it to anyone—”

“I wouldn’t!” Eren cried, clutching the book to his chest like it was something fragile and precious. “I wouldn’t even share it with Armin!”

I could not stop the smile his sincerity caused.

“Good.” I told him. “He’s privileged to even have had me tell him about it. I do not need him reading my tragic gay love story.”

The expression on the kid’s face was priceless. At first he was frozen in utter shock, probably just trying to work out if he had heard me correctly. Once he realized he did, his eyes began a game of Pong between the book and me.

“…Tragic, gay… love story? You?” Honestly, sometimes I asked myself the same questions. Even more frequently I asked myself _why the fuck_ I ever let my friends convince me to let them read it. Though, to their credit, none of them, not even Hanji, teased me about it. In fact, they praised me heavily for it. Erwin had even tried to convince me, on multiple occasions, to let him publish it through Survey. I responded, ‘Fuck no,’ every time. That shit was personal. I did not write the damn book for some kind of profit or acknowledgement. I did it to ease the pain. To push the unbearable feelings onto someone else. To play god of my own little world and watch my creations suffer with me. And to just plain get the story that would not leave me alone out of my head.

The story of two warriors—more than friends, but not quite lovers—with the weight of the world resting on their shoulders would not stop circling through my head. The premise was cliché as fuck, but the thoughts would only stop persisting when I wrote them down, so I kept writing.

That dream ended up having a pretty big impact on my life. It was what made me realize that there were more than just heterosexual relationships in the world. As I explored those other kinds of relationships in my life, they were reflected in my book. I wasn’t particularly good at talking about my feelings, but I could write about my experiences pretty well.

“That’s what I said, brat.”

Eren brought the book back down to where he could look at it again, carefully turning it over in his hands to look at the back.

“Levi, this is… incredible, but… why…?” He searched my eyes heavily, his question hanging unfinished, but I understood. I understood because I had considered this so carefully. He knew this was more than just some little thing I wrote for sport or income. This was a piece of myself I was choosing to entrust to him. It was not purely because he was now dating me, though that played a significant hand in it. In the end, I chose to do this because we had known each other for so long, and had grown so comfortable with each other, but still shared so little that was truly personal. Boyfriend or not, I considered Eren a friend. One I would not mind becoming close. And as my significant other, I knew I could not hope to keep him if I never let him in at all. This was a sign of good faith. My way of saying, ‘I want us to be closer.’

I stood up from my seat, setting my scarf aside lovingly, and settled myself next to Eren on the carpet, reaching out to take one of his hands in both of mine. “I want you to know me, Eren,” I said, keeping my voice low and soft. There was an undeniable tenderness in my actions, and though I typically did what I could to make that the last adjective on people’s minds when they thought of me, I wanted Eren to feel every bit that I had to offer in this moment. “Even if we end up being a shit couple, I want you to know who I am. I’m not the greatest at talking about myself, or my past, but I can show you with this. It is a start, anyway.”

Eren’s eyes had been locked on mine the entire time, and the adoration in them was getting to be overwhelming. I could not seem to find a deep enough breath. The feeling was becoming familiar. _Will being so close to Eren always be like this?_

Eren’s whole body tipped towards me, and my breathing turned ragged, anticipating the brush of his lips. He stopped short, however, a childlike uncertainty overtaking his features. The tension was unbearable. _Shit I can’t take this._

I pitched forward to compress the space between us into nothingness, feeling the hit of endorphins more quickly and strongly than an intravenous drug.

His lips seemed a little softer this evening than I had found them before, and in the back of my mind I was vaguely aware of contemplating what it would be like if I pushed my tongue passed his lips. I had kissed like that before, a long time ago, but I could no longer remember the sensation. And in that moment, I also could not remember what the fuck I could ever find disgusting about doing that. The heat of Eren’s mouth against my lips felt agonizingly good. A small moan escaped from Eren’s throat, vibrating against my lips and instantly spiking heat down my core.

I put my right hand to Eren’s chest, and gently pressed him away.

“As nice as it would be to continue, brat, I actually want some fucking sleep tonight, and I haven’t even showered. You need to, too. I am not letting you contaminate my bed with whatever you have been rolling around in all day.”

Eren’s eyes lit up mischievously. “We could—”

“Don’t finish that sentence, Eren,” I warned, immediately seeing were he was going. He just smiled at me. I scoffed and walked into my bedroom, only pausing to close the bathroom door and grab a fresh towel from the cabinet before stepping into the shower.

~~~

An hour or so later, I was sitting up in my bed trying to read a manuscript that actually was not half-bad, only between my mind slipping to the glimpse I caught of Eren’s toned back before he shut the bathroom door and the drowsiness that was threatening to drag me down into slumber, I was doing little more than reading the same paragraph over and over.

When Eren finally reappeared, I couldn’t decide if the gods were fucking with me or blessing me, as all the stupid sexy little fuck was clad in was a pair of loose-fitting pajama pants. As a shiver of arousal went through me, I had never been more thankful for my self-control, nor more frustrated that I couldn’t just jack off like I usually would under these circumstances.

Eren hesitantly crawled into bed to the right of me, his face pink. I immediately twisted my torso and turned off my lamp, dousing the room in darkness and letting out a slow breath of relief that I would not have to torture myself with the sight of him any longer.

I failed to anticipate that the lack of light would give a certain green-eyed brat the balls to place his hand on my bare thigh, right where my sleep shorts had ridden up.

I was dangerously close to indulging him. _It’s not like we’re strangers, right?_ I wanted to. _It’s not like we’d be fucking either. It wouldn’t hurt to learn a little about what gets him off._ It wasn’t the first time I’d had that thought in the last few days. Especially after I woke him up from what was obviously a dirty dream. _He’s clean._ Most people would probably find it pathetic how big of a turn on that was for me. _He wants it._ That was the only thing your partner’s hand creeping up your leg in the sack meant, right?

_He’s only been yours for five fucking days._

And that thought alone shut down all others. This was absurd. I was not some fucking hormonal teenager with the ability to fuck like Enkidu for days on end without reprieve. I was 46, for fucks sake!

Eren began massaging my thigh lightly and _fuck_ did it feel good.

But I hadn’t talked to him yet about how deep my issues ran. He didn’t know what he was getting into. Not really. And telling him could change everything. I had to wait till he knew. Till he accepted it.

If he accepted it.

“ _Eren_ ,” I growled. His hand froze. “I will physically toss you out of this bed if you do not stop fucking around.”

Eren’s hand vanished and he moved a few inches back for good measure.

After that Eren did not move, but as tired as I was, I could not fall asleep. Even after my boner went down, my thoughts refused to be smothered under the blanket of sleep.

 “Eren,” I said quietly, half hoping he was already out. I was a little disappointed by the sound of sheets shifting as Eren repositioned himself to face me again in the darkness.

“Yeah, Levi?” he questioned sleepily. _Fuck, that’s endearing._

“You won’t regret this… right?” _Fucking shit…_ I had too little sleep. That was my only excuse. I was actually fucking bearing my insecurities and I’d only been going out with him for a week. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

My self-effacing thoughts were broken when Eren snuggled closer to me, innocently this time, the warmth of his bare skin seeping through my thin shirt. Slowly, very slowly, he lifted a hand and began stroking my hair. He threaded his fingers through my locks starting at my scalp and combing through to the ends, where he would stop to play with the edges. “Never,” he whispered.

After he answered me, Eren did not move away, nor did he stop caressing my hair, and I made no appeal to change that, feeling my alertness finally beginning to slip.

The first night I had Eren Yeager in my bed, and I was falling asleep to rhythmic breathing and soothing touches. It was bliss.

_I really love…_

My thought was never finished as I was lulled into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I just date myself in this chapter? Is anyone actually looking up what a floppy disk is? Enkidu is a character from The Epic of Gilgamesh, btw. He lays with a woman for six days and seven nights and I've never forgotten that part because someone in my high school English class made a comment about it not being normal to be hard for that long and that he needed to see a doctor.
> 
> Again, guys, thank you so much for your patience. You all have been awesome. <3
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment! I do appreciate hearing what you guys are thinking.
> 
> Just a reminder - I track the tag STTOFTB on tumblr and also post anything relevant to the story under that tag. If I'm taking a long time, or write anything extra, or post a chapter, it's all under that tag.
> 
> Oh, and I forgot to add that even though Levi's book totally sounds like it could be a canonverse ereri story, I actually based the description off of an original story *I* wrote. So make of it what you will. :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren has an important conversation with himself and chokes on another drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry the chapter is a little late. I had to re-warm up to the story from Eren's POV after the break. Things should (hopefully) flow a little smoother now. Especially because the chapters should be more of an average length for me (like this one) instead of the monster chapters the last couple were.
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you who kudo, bookmark, comment, etc.! I especially appreciate hearing what you guys think, so don't be shy. :)
> 
> As per usual, please assist me in the destruction of typos. I will love you for it.
> 
> Enjoy?

Waking up to Levi was terrifying.

As my consciousness drifted to the surface, all I could register was total relaxation. My loose muscles tightened in an instant the moment I realized I was not alone, however, and I cracked open my eyes to a head of black hair that had me unintentionally jerking, causing my bed partner to awaken. It was only after bleary blue eyes that quickly regained their sharpness slit open that my memories returned, kindly informing me that I was next to Levi, my boyfriend, who had _invited_ me here. Somehow I still felt like an intruder, despite how at home I had ended up feeling the night before.

As soon as Levi registered the familiar features of my face, however, his icy eyes melted into a yet unfamiliar fondness. I didn’t even realize I had been holding my breath until my body started screaming for air. I released the breath from my lungs and drew in a fresh one.

“Hey,” I greeted, a little shyly. Now that I was over the initial shock, I didn’t feel like such a foreigner, but this was still an unfamiliar circumstance, and I was feeling a little ashamed about how I had brazenly groped Levi’s leg last night. My nerves had undoubtedly been loosened by the couple of drinks I’d thrown back while waiting for Levi to get out of the shower. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to be _entirely_ apologetic. I’d finally gotten to explore a tiny faction of his body. It wasn’t quite the ass-grab I’d been dreaming of, but I was more than satisfied with his bare thigh as a starting point.

“Hey,” he returned. He looked into my eyes for a long moment before twisting his torso away from me to retrieve his cell phone and look at the time. “Fuck,” he proclaimed.

“What?” I queried, a little concerned.

“It’s eleven,” he said. His voice rumbled with its natural low timbre, plus the roughness of sleep. My heart instantly picked up its pace a little.

“So?” I asked. If there was something significant or bad about it being eleven, I wasn’t aware of it. I was certain that neither of us had work, and with that possibility shot down, I had no other ideas.

“I have never slept till eleven.” He stated it like it was a fact, which I found dubious.

“Never?”

“Never,” he repeated, completely unwavering in his answer.

That baffled my mind. It wasn’t all that unusual for me to sleep up until twelve on the weekends. I couldn’t imagine _never_ sleeping in till eleven even _once_.

“Are you sure?” I couldn’t help myself. It was actually unbelievable.

“Eren.” His voice held a warning, emphasized by him lifting himself up by one arm, bringing my attention to just how insubstantial and well-fitted the fabric of his sleep-shirt was. And as much as I wanted to stare at where the material stopped to expose his nicely toned bicep, my eyes latched onto his head like a cat that had discovered the glowing dot of a laser pointer. His onyx locks were strewn every which way, and the fact I was no doubt part of the cause of that disarray made a possessive desire stir in my chest. He was too damn sexy for his own good, _and holy shit he’s mine._

Levi’s eyes widened minutely before ripe amusement washed the surprise away. He leaned over me and then hesitated a moment before pressing a quick kiss to my neck. “Yeah, brat,” he murmured into my skin, “and you are mine.”

His breath against my neck made goose bumps break out down my left side and my face burned hot in embarrassment. _Note: Do not converse before fully awake_. My unfortunate tendency to blurt out my thoughts seemed to happen with increased frequency around Levi, and I was not fond of that fact. One of these days I was going to do worse than embarrass myself, and I really didn’t want to end up at that point.

“Sorry,” I muttered to the ceiling.

Levi withdrew from me, pausing a second before conceding to curiosity. “For what?” he asked.

“For always spewing my thoughts out like a dumbass,” I continued to mumble, making the words so they were barely comprehensible.

Levi frowned at me. “No, what makes you a dumbass is that you think you need to apologize for shit like that. I like it when you say what you are thinking. I like knowing. And I like honesty.” All I could do was stare at him in return, feeling soundly chastised. There was a swell of happiness in my chest, though. I was absurdly pleased by the affection in his voice as he spoke to me.

My dopey smile must have gotten to him, however, because all too quickly the warmth of his body was leaving me as he somehow managed to make rolling out of bed look graceful. I watched his muscles flex as he popped his back and wondered if he always did this in the morning or if he was _trying_ to give me a boner. He didn’t seem to be paying me any attention as he did so, however, and when he finally did look over his shoulder at me, his gaze was perfectly cool.

“What do you want for breakfast?” he asked.

“Brunch,” I corrected. He turned to me fully at that and scowled.

“This,” he said exasperatedly. “This is why you are a brat.”

“ _Your_ brat,” I retorted coquettishly.

An annoyed hiss of air escaped his teeth before he simply turned back around and walked out of the room, completely ignoring me. A sickening jolt of self-consciousness hit my chest and quickly traveled to my stomach. _Was that too much? Did I actually annoy him?_ I did my best to shrug the thoughts off, knowing I was probably being too sensitive. Levi had literally just reminded me I was his, and seemed pretty damn pleased about it. It was ridiculous to be worrying about what I said now. He had to know I was teasing him. We’d poked and prodded at one another for ages, and this was hardly any different.

Still, a full week had yet to pass. Maybe I should try to be more cautious about what came out of my mouth. _But Levi said he likes it when I say what’s on my mind…_ I rolled over and lifted my hand to grip my head as I gave a long, frustrated growl into the pillow I’d slept on. Ruminating about this shit was more trouble than it was worth, and I was hungry. I flung the covers off of myself and went in search of something to cover my torso with before wandering down the hall to the kitchen, where Levi was still looking too good to be true in his sleep clothes and sleep-tousled hair, making something that involved eggs.

Levi barely spared me a glance as he jostled a pan on one of the large burners, the happy crackle and pop of oil spiking in volume as he did so, making my mouth water.

“I hope you like eggs and bacon,” he said to me, not really sounding like he actually cared one way or another.

I nodded my head vigorously, my stomach giving a loud gurgle. Levi gave me another glance and the corner of his mouth curled up. I reflexively smiled back, even though he wasn’t looking at me anymore, and shuffled over to one of the bar stools. I continued to watch Levi work from my new perch overlooking the burners, my feet tapping against the lowest run of my seat restlessly.

“You can cook,” I observed, just wanting to break the silence.

“No shit. What was your first clue?” came Levi’s sarcastic reply.

I ignored the jibe. “ I didn’t know you could cook,” I continued.

“Why _would_ you know that?” he countered.

I hummed softly, inhaling the delicious scent that was making me salivate more by the second. I had to swallow before replying. “You may have a point.”

“Brat.”

“Asshole.”

Levi leveled me with a challenging look, his eyes appearing especially blue and hard. They reminded me of marbles. “This asshole is making you food so you’d better be nice _brat._ ”

I was lanced by the desire to do something incredibly childish, like stick my tongue out at him, but then thought better of it. For as happy as I was to be dating Levi, and for as thrilled as I was that Levi was opening up to me, that he had gifted me with something so incredibly personal last night, I just couldn’t seem to shake the concerns that kept cropping up. Like how much younger I was. And how if things went wrong with him I would probably have to move out of the apartment. Not to mention the fact that he was still Armin’s editor, and if things _did_ go badly for us, it could potentially make their working situation really awkward. I wasn’t particularly concerned about Levi letting it affect his job, but it could affect his mood, and I wouldn’t wish a pissy Levi on anyone, especially Armin.

I was just about to ask myself why I had let this happen when a plate of scrambled eggs flecked with generous bits of bacon was placed right under my nose, and I jerked back, startled. Levi was looking at me oddly, emotion I couldn’t decipher gleaming in his eyes. _Right._ The reason I had let this happen was right fucking in front of me. I could fret all I wanted, but one look at him and I was done for. Utterly fucked over. For a man who would typically be categorized as a neurotic, grumpy, asshole, I found him excessively likable and attractive. And perhaps somewhat magical. _When did he even finish?_ I had been totally zoning out. My stomach growled again.

“Eren?” There were subtle hints of concern etched in Levi’s features. I realized I’d spaced out again, only this time staring right at his face.

I shook my head quickly. “Sorry. I’m still waking up,” I offered as an excuse.

The creases in Levi’s face smoothed out a tad, though a trace of unease remained in his eyes. “I’m going to make some of the tea you got me; want some?”

“Sure!” I tried to say it enthusiastically, but my voice sounded a little flat even to my own ears. Levi was kind enough to not comment and walked back around to the other side of the counter again. I let out a small sigh and lifted the fork on my plate to poke at the eggs.

I was beginning to feel frustrated with myself and my oscillating feelings. One minute, one hour, one day, even, I was feeling like I belonged here, next to Levi, as his partner. The next, I was convinced that I was so far out of his league that we weren’t even playing the same game. I had more than enough evidence to tell me I was desired here, but I just couldn’t seem to find stability. I hoped it would come with time. Jean and I had never gone through something like this. We were so similar, and so little had changed when we finally hooked up. Adjusting to dating Levi felt a lot like my first time treading water—a lot of flailing limbs and minimal success in not drowning. But, eventually, I got the hang of it. I could only hope that would turn out to be the case here, too.

“You can eat, you know,” Levi called to me softly. He was just placing the leaves in the water.

“I know. But I’m waiting for you.” That was truthful. While I _was_ lost in my thoughts, I’d also had my mother pound it into me that you don’t take one bite of food at a sit down meal until everyone else was also ready to eat. I wasn’t even conscious of the behavior anymore.

Levi gave me an odd look, like I had said something strange or unusual. I could feel the confusion slip over my own face. Though plenty of people I knew did not live with such a rule, I knew many others that did. It wasn’t an uncommon civility.

This time it was Levi shaking his head as he leaned his back against the counter.

“Streets,” was all he said.

I stared at him a moment longer before it clicked. “Oh.” I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that.

“Even though I have not been a part of that world for a long time now, it still takes me off guard sometimes when people make a point of being polite,” he offered. “Even amongst professionals and the well-off, most people will take the opportunity to be selfish if you give it to them.” Levi looked behind him at the timer to check its progress. “The only real difference I’ve seen between those who have and those who don’t is that the people with money are good at pretending they are not egotistical bastards most of the time.”

I stared at the older man in front of me a little blankly. It was rare for him to spontaneously tell me things like this. Typically I was fighting to get information out of him, like the night of the Gala. This impulsive disclosure scared me a little.

 _Fear_. The word resonated in me with surprising strength.

Fear was the finger that kept nudging me, making sure my feelings kept swinging back into uncertain territory, making me doubt our fledgling relationship. Fear was what urged me to deny both my feelings and his for so long.

And what I was feeling right now was a special kind of fear. I’d been too distracted by nerves and giddiness last night to notice it then, but now that we weren’t under the spell of Christmas intimacy, his gift made me fearful, too.

Both his book and his admission now were trust. Pure, incontestable, _trust._ I knew from instinct, observation, and what both he and others had said that he did not trust easily. He was allowing himself to be vulnerable with me. The guard that was usually up was lowering and I could _hurt_ him. I could _fucking hurt him_ that knowledge was near paralyzing, though it shouldn’t have been. Hurting people in a relationship was normal; inevitable. I knew that. But still, I was afraid of it in a way I couldn’t remember being before.

 _Maybe_ I _don’t trust_ him _._

The realization hit me, hard. That was exactly it. All of my worries could be chalked up to the fact that I didn’t have a lot of faith that Levi would want a ‘shitty brat’ as his partner for very long.

_But I can change that._

Now that I was aware of it, I wasn’t going to just sit by and let helplessness consume me. If Levi showed signs of disinterest, I’d just do whatever I needed to in order to make him want me again. It wasn’t like me to give up things without a fight, and there wasn’t even a need to fight right now. I was literally agonizing over nothing, and I was done with it. _I’m going to make this work, whatever it takes. This stops now._

Once again, Levi broke me out of my thoughts by placing something in front of my face. I lifted my head to smile brightly at him, and he went from eyeing me warily, to bemused, to neutral in the blink of an eye. “What the fuck is with that face?” His face may have regained impassiveness, but his voice betrayed his disconcertedness. It only made my grin broaden.

“That smile is creepy as fuck,” he stated.

I let my lips relax into a smaller smile. “Are we ever going to eat?”

“You could have started,” he pointed out.

“Nope.” I popped my ‘p’ and he tsked before shoveling a forkful into his mouth, chewing, and swallowing. He cocked one perfect black eyebrow at me. “Happy?”

“Very,” I chirped, and diverted my attention to my own meal. I felt his eyes linger on me for a minute longer before he began eating again, more slowly and deliberately, like he was really taking the time to taste it. I hadn’t noticed it before, maybe because he so rarely consumed food in my home, but recently I had become aware of the tendency Levi had to eat like this. _Maybe that’s because of his time living on the streets, too_? The idea of such a thing being true made my gut twist, provoking me to pause and savor my own food a little more. It was really good. It was simple, but tasty and cooked to perfection. Armin had banned me from cooking eggs before we even started living together. It was justified, since I had nearly burned his grandfather’s house down the last couple of times I’d tried.

Yeah… It had happened more than once.

“Hey, Eren?” I looked to Levi, raising my eyebrows in response to the question in his voice.

“Yeah?” I didn’t quite manage to remember to swallow before I spoke, and Levi’s nose wrinkled. My heart gave a funny little flop at the unexpectedly cute action. Despite Levi being short, I would normally call him ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ over any other adjective that would describe the overall state of his attractiveness. His face, build, and aura just didn’t say ‘cute’, but that little twitch of his nose definitely did.

“Do you have plans for New Years?” The question was asked casually, but I was guessing (or maybe just hoping) he had some intention in inquiring.

“Usually,” I started slowly, stalling for time as I scrambled to remember if I actually knew of any plans for this year, “those of my friends who are around have a small party… But I haven’t heard anything about this year.”

Levi nodded as he took a long drink of tea. He set the mug down before speaking again. “How would you and your shitty friends like to come to Hanji’s party at Rosa’s?”

I gawked at him, utterly shocked. “You… Party? Wait,” I spluttered.

Levi’s enticing lips bent into a wry smile. “Hold your shit in, brat. For as bat-shit crazy as Hanji is, she actually isn’t the type to let complete strangers into her parties. Even though it’s a fucking terrible business decision, as everyone likes to remind her, not that she listens,” he muttered softly before speaking normally again, “she closes her bar down to the public at nine New Years Eve, and opens it back up for her friends at ten. I may not be thrilled by hordes of people, but I know everyone at Hanji’s parties, so it’s more bearable.” Even if he claimed it to be bearable, he still grimaced a tad when he said ‘parties.’ “And your herd likes these sorts of things, right? None of you have to go, of course,” he said, his last sentence coming out just the tiniest bit more rushed than before. “It’s just an invitation.”

As much as I wanted to respond to that invitation, I had to clear something up first. “Did you just compare my friends to cattle?”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation.

We stared at one another for a heartbeat. “Okay,” I finally said, a smile splitting my lips. “I can’t imagine… probably any of them turning that down.” I thought about it for a moment longer. “Wait, does Hanji still charge people for booze?”

Levi’s face contorted into a true frown. “No,” he proclaimed unhappily. “Another shitty business decision, but completely unsurprising where she is concerned.”

“Then they’ll definitely come,” I confirmed. “Unless any of them already have plans, but I doubt it. We all kind of stick together. Not too many have other friends who are in the area.”

“I take it you are not one of them?” he asked me, seeming genuinely interested in the answer.

“Yeah.” I affirmed. “You’ve pretty much met all of my friends, except…” I thought back on the only night of the two that Levi had interacted with my friends. “Krista, Ymir, and Annie?” I asked myself. “Is that it?” I looked over at Levi who was giving a look that said I was a massive idiot if I was actually seeking an answer from him. “I think that’s it.” I answered myself, punctuating my statement with a little nod.

“Does that mean I can assume you will be coming?” He took another lengthy drink of tea.

My mind went straight into the gutter as a result of one too many drunken nights with Reiner and Jean ( _especially Jean, holy fuck_ ), but I yanked it back out as quickly as I could in order to answer his question in the way he intended it to be taken. As soon as I really registered what he asked, I was surprised.

“Of course,” I replied. _Did he honestly think I wouldn’t go?_

According to the mild relaxation of his shoulders, and slightly more cheerful disposition, yes, he had a least been prepared for the opposite response.

“Hey,” I said tentatively. A knot formed in my throat as I immediately wondered if I shouldn’t have spoken, and if I should stop. _Maybe I’m not reading him correctly? No, I’m going to trust my gut this time._ I tried swallowing around the knob and then cleared my throat. “You know I want to spend time with you, right? I mean, I don’t want to be a nuisance or anything, but…” _How do I put this into words?_ “I’ve only really been around you in certain contexts. And, it’s… Things like this are nice. Seeing you outside of work, in your own place…” I trailed off, still not 100% sure of where I was going with this. “I-I guess what I’m trying to say is…” Peripherally I was aware that I had his full attention, and it only served to make me feel more on the spot. I took a moment to breathe deep. “I want to be around you all the time, but not in a clingy way!” I flailed my arms in some kind of attempt to emphasize my words. “I just want to see all sides of you, or something…” I finished lamely, looking down at my lap. I was pretty sure I’d stopped really meeting his eyes after ‘hey.’

The rich, and unfairly arousing, bass of his chuckle sounded in my ears, and I found myself raising my head to look at him before my thoughts could hinder the reaction. “Eren,” my skin tingled at the caress of my name on his lips, “you don’t have to piss yourself. I get it.” Looking into his clear eyes, I believed he did.

I opened my mouth to say more, but Levi stopped me before I even uttered a syllable.

“And don’t you dare say sorry,” he warned. His eyes, which had been so open a minute ago, where clouded again. I sealed my lips shut tight and a smirk of approval appeared on Levi’s face.

“Good.”

The word sounded so much like it did in the dream I had a couple of days ago that my breath hitched, right as I took a drink of tea, gifting me with burning pain and a trickle of warm liquid forced down my nose. I began snorting and coughing, and Levi was instantly in motion, returning with a box of tissues seconds later, just as hot tears began leaking from my eyes. He dabbed the tiny rivulets from my cheeks as I furiously blew my nose, trying to get rid of the excess liquid. It didn’t take me long to clear my passages, but only time would dull the soreness in my sinuses. I looked to Levi, still standing right next to me, taken aback by how much concern he held in his gaze. I dropped the used tissue in my hand onto the counter with several others and moved my hand to overlap the one Levi had placed on my shoulder at some point during the ordeal. He flinched, eyes darting to the crumpled wads on the counter, and I rapidly made to withdraw my fingers, realizing my error, but his other hand stopped me before I managed to move it a centimeter.

“It’s fine,” he said firmly. “I’ll wash later.”

I let my muscles relax at his words, and focused on the glow of contentment growing in me. Seeing his features, which normally only shifted with the utmost subtly, worked over with disquiet gave me a distinct sort of perverse pride. The dull ache I was experiencing was totally worth getting to see that expression.

“Thanks,” I said, my ‘k’ not coming out with the usual crispness, but the word managing to be intelligible.

“Just stop choking on things, brat,” he demanded as his thumb began drawing nameless shapes on the skin of my hand. I cautiously leaned back into his warm torso and, feeling no resistance, rested my head against his solid shoulder. Even with my recovering nose, I could smell the scent of laundry and spice that could only be associated with Levi. I closed my eyes and let go of a small sigh, wholly gratified for the time being. And seeing that Levi made no move to shift away, I hazarded the guess that he was, too. I listened to his steady heartbeat for a while, and he continued to move his fingers tenderly over mine. It wasn’t until he shifted his weight in what was, I assumed, discomfort that I reluctantly pulled away.

“We need to clean up.” He was wasting no time on any sort of cuddling afterglow—it was straight to cleaning, not that I was surprised.

I could only imagine what sex would be like.

But now was not the time for thinking about that, since I’d yet to even touch his ass. Instead I grabbed my wad of tissues and followed Levi over to the sink. He opened the cabinet door hiding the trash bin for me and looked at the objects in my hands with disdain before giving his full attention to scrubbing his hands thoroughly. I paid close attention, knowing I would be expected to do the same and not wanting to disappoint. As he toweled off his hands, he watched me, and, much to my satisfaction, it must have been up to standard because he did not stop me or tell me to do it again. He silently offered me a paper towel and a pleased expression before he was digging out cleaning supplies and going to spray down the counter. I decided to help by removing our plates, which were mostly devoid of food now, and began washing them off in the sink before finding a place for them in the dishwasher, just like I did at my own apartment. As I was bent over trying to slip a plate in between two others, I felt hands alight on my hips, massaging gently. I froze, trying to ignore the little thrills the fingers were giving me.

“Looks like you’re not totally incompetent after all, brat,” Levi said, lightly goading me.

 “You’re just now figuring this out?” I asked rhetorically, recovering myself and straightening up, both of us knowing that there was no way in hell I would have even touched those dishes if he wasn’t completely sure I’d meet his specifications. I gave the door of the washer a shove upwards with my foot, earning me a glower from Levi, but a quick kiss to his cheek seemed to appease him a little. He still looked grumpy, but significantly less hostile, and I smiled, thinking of how good this felt. How right this felt.

_Was I really worrying about us earlier?_

Things with Levi weren’t anything like what they had been with Jean or any of my short-term dates, but this was natural in its own way. Yeah, we might have a few more obstacles than your average pair, but when I let those misgivings go, everything just seemed to flow so naturally between us. I think that was a big part of why I had fallen for him in the first place. Despite our age difference, our personalities melded rather well. If I could keep my trust in that, and in him, I got the feeling that things wouldn’t be as challenging as I imagined them to be.

_And if that’s not true, I can always ask Armin for advice._

Armin was the fucking best at that.

Levi lifted a hand to thread through my hair, fingering the ends not unlike the way I had done to his the night before. I reveled in the touch. His blue irises were fixed on me, and the giddiness Levi seemed to inspire in me swelled.

_Yeah, this man is definitely worth keeping._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't have much to say (for once!). Just that next chapter will be the New Year's party, and that's gonna be fun. :D


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren has a sexual crisis… and resolves it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I can seriously barely process the love that has been given to this fic, and I am genuinely grateful. Every bit of attention this fic gets blows me away... I'm STILL thinking back to Chapter 1 when I got 20 kudos and thought that was a lot. So thank you all so much!
> 
> This is essentially New Year's Eve Part 1 because A LOT is happening over this holiday apparently, lol. Part 2 will be packed with even more happenings. Note updated tags if you're interested. Also, in case you aren't familiar with the phrase, "digging for gold" used in the chapter - in this context it means picking your nose.
> 
> Please let me know if you spot any typos, and feel free to comment even if you don't. ^_^
> 
> Go enjoy some Ereri sexy times (finally!!).

_It’s New Year’s Eve_.

Of all the thoughts I could have had— what I would eat for breakfast, how I was going to miss Mikasa now that she had left the state again, how glad I was that she seemed to have accepted Levi, how astoundingly good of a writer Levi was, how extra good things had been between us since I spent the night—that was my first thought upon awakening, and it brought a curl of anxiety to my gut. It wasn’t because of the party. I was actually really looking forward to getting to know Levi’s friends better and showing him off to mine. No, I was anxious because last night had yielded some pretty blatant innuendo between Levi and myself, and I was now being driven mad by the question of if Levi was trying to give me the sign or not. I really wanted the answer to be yes. My sex drive had been in overhaul the last few weeks, even before we were dating, and I couldn’t wait to exchange my hands for something of Levi’s. The rational part of my brain kept reminding me how short our time together had been, however, and I felt like a hormone-driven idiot for it. But on the other hand, when me teasing him about being a workaholic yields a response about him taking me to his office and teaching me a thing or two to make me respect his position… that meant something, right? I was having an exceedingly difficult time believing it was all in my head.

There was only one answer to this….

 

“Armin, I need to talk to you,” the tone of my voice held the utmost gravity.

Armin’s eyes blinked blearily up at me. A low whine of displeasure emitted from his throat. “Do you really have to wake me up for this?” he asked, clearly in denial over already being awake.

“I—”

Armin glared at me with one cracked open eye, “ _Really_ ,” his voice told me there would be consequences if this wasn’t as important as I was making it out to be.

“ _Yes,_ ” I put as much stress on the word as I could. I was having a crisis and I had already been waiting for an hour for Armin to wake up from his nap. “I _need_ you.”

“If this is because of a TV show again, Eren—”

“It’s not!” I cut him off vehemently. So maybe I had woken him up when something really big happened in one of my favorite shows once… or twice… or twenty times over the course of our friendship. So I get invested and need to off some steam. Only about… five, or so, of those times had been since we moved in together. I thought my self-restraint in not doing it more frequently was actually quite remarkable. But this time it wasn’t like that. This paled in comparison. This was an actual concern, and I had no idea what to do about it. And there was only one person to call on when faced with such dilemmas.

Usually he looked remarkably less hostile, though. I decided to placate him as quickly as possible.

“Armin, it’s about Levi.” The stress was evident in my tone.

Armin’s eyebrows shot up till they were nearly indistinguishable from his bangs. _That woke him up_.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, clearly concerned.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “So things have been going really well, but ever since I spent the night they’ve been…” I grappled with a good enough word to describe the situation. Finding none, I defaulted to the feeling it was giving me instead. “Confusing.”

Armin tilted his head slightly to the right and dropped his chin down a little. “You’re going to have to give me more than that, Eren,” he said with a straight no-nonsense face.

“I know! It’s just…” I thought about what had finally pushed me over the edge, convincing me I needed an outside opinion before taking action on my own. I felt my neck flush. “embarrassing,” I concluded. Armin continued to appear somewhere between troubled and unimpressed, and I knew he was still waiting for me to get on with it. It was just… hard. Even with him being my best friend, and fully supportive of who I was, getting too far into the details of my sexual exploits sometimes made him uncomfortable. And I couldn’t blame him for that. But, Armin was the only person I knew who had a pretty solid idea of what both of us were like, and, well…

“Armin, I want to do sexual things with Levi,” I finally blurted out.

Armin stared at me. And stared.

And stared.

I was actually beginning to sweat a little when he spoke. “Eren, you woke me up because—”

“It’s a real problem!” I cried before he could finish. Ignoring the glare he was sending my way. “Look, Armin, it’s been…” I had to stop and count backwards, “…a week and a half since we started dating. And I don’t really know how normal couples start having sex because for me it’s always been sex first relationship, maybe, later. I feel like it is probably too soon to start doing stuff? But I kinda tried groping him the night I spent at his place… it didn’t go too well. He threatened to kick me out of bed.” I rambled on, knowing I was doing so, but utterly unable to stop it. I’d been keeping it pent up over the last few days and I finally had a willing— _Eeer—semi-_ willing audience and it was just all pouring out. “But after that the little innuendos we’d occasionally been making has turned into outright sexting, and I’m so confused… Is that a signal? Does that mean he actually wants sex, or is he just being an asshole tease? I’ve only ever sexted with Jean, and he _definitely_ wanted sex, but I’m really unclear on what Levi wants, and I’m afraid to ask him because what if it gets awkward and then he realizes how lame I am an—”

“Eren, breathe,” Armin pleaded, stopping me mid-word. I tried to comply, taking a few haggard inhales. “Okay. Keep breathing. And listen.” Armin had a surprisingly commanding presence when he wanted to. I felt myself relax a little, secure in the knowledge that he would know what to say, just like he always did. “First off, stop with the slippery slope argument.”

“Slippery what?” I interjected. Armin looked a little peeved at being interrupted so quickly. But it wasn’t going to be any good if he already wasn’t making sense.

“Slope,” he repeated.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“It’s when you freak out and conclude that one little thing is going to result in your utter demise, basically,” he translated.

I mentally digested that for a moment. “Okay,” I said, giving him silent permission to continue.

He eyed me warily for a moment like I might start chattering again, but when he saw me waiting patiently, he must have decided it was worth taking the risk to speak once more. “Secondly, you are seriously over-thinking this. Eren, you really need to try and relax. Ever since you and Levi got together, you’ve been kind of tense,” Armin informed.

“I have?” I questioned. I mean, I kept feeling uneasy off and on, but I didn’t particularly feel _tense_.

“Have you paid any attention to your shoulders lately, Eren? You’re tense,” he said again. Now that he mentioned it, I realized the muscles in my neck and shoulders were constricted slightly, and a little achy. It wasn’t a huge difference, but apparently noticeable. “You’ve been testier than usual, too,” he went on. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’ve been worried about how your relationship is going, right?”

“Yeah…” I replied quietly.

“Well, don’t,” he said sternly. “You _just_ started dating, Eren. Enjoy it!” he exclaimed. “You don’t have any _actual_ problems at this moment, right?” he probed.

“Well, no, but—”

“Then don’t try to prepare yourself for problems that don’t exist.” He said it like it was so simple. “Sexting isn’t a problem, Eren. So stop trying to make it one. If you’re both ready to take it to the next level, I’m sure it will become apparent. I’m willing to bet my career that Levi will not let you get away with anything until he’s good and ready, so don’t worry about pushing him into something prematurely.” I lapped up Armin’s words. He always said the most obvious things, things I had already told myself, but it somehow made a huge difference hearing them from him. I actually believed them. “You may have only been dating for a short while, but I’ve watched both of you ogle each other for _months_ ,” he stressed the word heavily, “and it’s not like you don’t know each other. You’re both adults. If the mood feels right, try something. He likes you, Eren. I may not be a mind reader, but if he didn’t break up with you for groping him when you slept over, I doubt such a thing will cause a break up in the near future. The worse case is he says no and you go sexless for another day.”

I mulled that over. I knew Armin had a good point. That still didn’t sound like a great outcome, but it was far better than outright losing him. _Yeah, Armin’s right. I decided to trust Levi._ I nodded to myself.

“I guess I am overreacting a little,” I said sheepishly, a little in awe of how collected Armin had been throughout the conversation. That was nearly as awkward as the conversations I’d had with him about Jean. Of course, most of those had been slightly more… _specific._ “I just don’t know if I’m reading the situation right. I mean, I think I am, but if I’m not I’m going to _really_ look like a dumbass. And maybe an asshole. I just don’t want to upset him and fuck up our relationship right at the beginning because I wanted too much too soon.”

Armin’s eyes were unwaveringly on mine, studying me for a beat, looking like he was contemplating his next words carefully. “Look, Eren, I don’t want to speak for Levi, because I truthfully do not really know, but I would be _very_ surprised if your… enthusiasm… for something more was a deterrent for him.” Armin shrugged. “But like I said, you’ll just have to try things. And be open to talking to him. It might be awkward, but it’s important to talk about what you do and don’t like, what is and isn’t okay, et cetera.”

I just stared at him, checking over his features. Straw-blond hair. _Check_. Bright blue eyes. _Check._ Adorable smile. _Check._ Button nose. _Check._ …All indications were definitely pointing to this being Armin, but… “Since when are you so at ease with sex stuff?” I asked.

Armin looked at me incredulously. “Since Jean,” he said flatly. I blushed.

“But… you always…” I could not remember him ever being this poised before.

“I had a while to sit with all of that. I figured it was only a matter of time before it was someone else. Honestly, I’ve been mentally preparing myself for it. Though I’m still pissed you woke me up.”

“It was an emergency,” I said seriously.

“You could have waited,” he countered.

“I did wait!” I protested.

“Not long enough,” he groused.

“Pookie,” I drawled.

“No.” It was one syllable, but it was spoken emphatically.

“ _Pookie,_ ” I whined again.

“ _Eren_ ,” he said warningly.

I cackled.

He tackled.

~~~

The rest of the day seemed to sail by. I had slept in that morning, but decided to go to work for a few hours to catch up on some of the menial tasks that were backing up (like filing; _holy shit_ , the filing), even though the office was closed. Then it was back to the apartment to meet Levi for the purpose of going to _Rosa’s_ early, because apparently if you were with Levi, you could do that.

I was so nervous to see Levi. After yesterday’s texts I couldn’t stop thinking about Levi bending me over a desk in a semi-public setting, and though it may not have been a particularly practical fantasy, it still proved a massive turn-on. I was getting hard just thinking about it. I knew daydreaming about sex right before Levi showed up probably wasn’t my best idea ever, but I couldn’t resist trailing a lazy finger around the outline of my barely showing bulge. It was _just teasing enough_ to give me some pleasure without it being really satisfying. In truth, I loved being teased. It was torturous, sure, but I typically found the longer I endured it, the more powerful the orgasm was when it finally came. Some things were worth waiting for.

The doorbell rang, making my blood run cold and promptly making me lose interest in my current activities. I quickly turned to my closet and pulled out an oversized sweater that hung past my ass on over the white tee I was wearing, and hurried down the stairs. _Speaking of things that are worth waiting for…_

I opened the door to the impassive face of my boyfriend, who scanned me up and down as I greeted him. Levi was apparently above pleasantries today, however.

“Why are you such a cute fuck?” he grumbled, eyes raking over me again. He didn’t look like he was actually displeased.

“Hm?” I vocalized intelligently.

“Your sweater, you shit. It looks good on you. Though it would be better if it were a little shorter so I could see your ass,” he commented.

My cheeks reddened at his words. Levi had always been blunt, but it seemed like he was becoming more open with his thoughts by the day. Turns out I had massively underestimated how much he thought about me. It made me feel pretty proud, but when he said things like that, I still got flustered.

“Umm…” I was more or less making noise just to fill the quiet, when the words he had just spoken came back to me, “Actually, I think I have something like that. Do you want me to change?” I really wasn’t attached to this particular outfit since I’d only donned it to hide my crotch, which was acceptably under control now.

“Fuck, yes,” he growled, surprising me with the intensity of his words.

I wasn’t sure if his tone was really laced with sexual desire or if my mind was just projecting my cravings onto him.

“Uh, okay,” I said. “You want to come up?” My voice raised higher than was normal at the end of the question.

“Going to give me a show, brat?” he teased with his signature smirk.

“N-No!” I stammered loudly. He gave one of those sinful and unfair chuckles. I almost groaned in response. “Shut up,” I groused without any real acidity. “I’m sure you’ll see plenty tonight, anyway.” I turned and took the few steps necessary to mount the stairs.

“I don’t give a fuck if it’s not you, kid.” My cheeks became hotter.

“Maybe it will be me,” I said suggestively, though I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, instead continuing the short path to my room.

 _You’ll just have to try things._ Armin had said. Well, now was as good a time as any, right?

Levi didn’t make a comeback, for once, and we entered my room in silence. I didn’t bother with closing the door. Armin had left the house a couple of hours ago to meet with Marco before going to Hanji’s party later. I was suddenly very glad for his absence.

“Your room is a fucking mess, brat,” I heard Levi comment dryly from behind me.

I looked around, suddenly mortified. He was right. I currently had clothes strewn all over my room and some empty soda cans and such I hadn’t taken the time to move down to the recycle in the kitchen yet. I clearly hadn’t thought this one through. Levi was here all the time, but, it was just dawning on me, he had never been in my room before. It didn’t even occur to me to tidy up because he had never had a reason to be in here previously. _Well, shit._

“Uh… sorry… Let me just…” I looked around the disaster that was my room rather helplessly before finally just picking a random direction to go in to start the process of cleaning up. It wasn’t like any particular part of my room was significantly better or worse. It was a pretty uniform jumble.

I had made it no farther than a step, however, when a hand curled around my wrist stopped me.

“Don’t worry about it right now, brat; we have places to be. Just change into that sweater,” he eyed the disorder around me disdainfully, “That is, if you can find it.”

I grimaced, but nodded, and he dropped his hold on me so I could walk over to my closet. Since I hadn’t worn the particular top I was thinking of in a while, it was most likely one of the few items of clothing I owned that was still on a hanger. With that being the case, it didn’t take me long to locate it, and I quickly exchanged the gray, oversized sweater I was wearing for the shorter, but still clearly too large, cerulean sweater.

“Not bad.”

I gave a small start. I had been so focused on following through with Levi’s request that I had somehow briefly managed to forget the man himself was standing _right there_ and looking rather… lascivious. But then I blinked, and his face was as blank as ever, leaving me to wonder if I had really seen what I thought I had, or if the evening lighting was playing tricks on me.

_You’ll just have to try things._

I gulped, my stomach beginning to tingle with nerves and excitement at the thought. We weren’t really in a rush. It was only around seven right now. That was enough time to fool around a little and still be early, right? I swallowed deliberately again, eyes never once leaving Levi’s face.

“What, brat?” he asked in a calloused tone.

I let his words spur my feet into action, slowly walking towards him, very intentionally pushing away all the thoughts that wanted to comment on the rash behavior I was engaging in. I hadn’t thought this through and I didn’t want to. If I did, I would probably stop. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to know how Levi would react. I knew how I hoped he would react, and I knew how I feared he would react. I pushed past the knot that had formed in my gut in favor of doing something I could very well regret later.

I held my breath as I moved to rest my left hand upon his bicep, holding it firmly and making eye contact, not bothering to hide the craving I felt for him. His blue eyes flashed as they drank in my gaze for an extended moment, before moving to follow the trail my right hand was making down his side… and lower.

I slid my hand down from his side to between his legs, cupping him. He sucked in a breath through his teeth and his eyes snapped to my face, sharply appraising me.

“Eren, what do you think you are doing?” he finally spoke, though far too calmly for the position we were in.

My instinct was to freeze, withdraw, and apologize, but it didn’t escape my notice that he hadn’t actually moved. Granted, I had his balls within my grasp, but somehow I didn’t think that would stop him from landing me on my ass if he really didn’t want this. _If I’ve fucked up, I can’t really do it more than I already have, right? Might as well go for it._ I tilted my head and used my sweetest voice to tell him, “Exactly what I _am_ doing.” I punctuated my sentence with a gentle squeeze that had him gasping again.

“Smart- _ng_ -ass.” His breath hitched in the middle of the word as I continued to attend to his groin. It surprised me how quickly he was hardening. _Maybe I haven’t fucked up?_ I was dying to slip my hands beneath the fabric and truly touch him for the first time. _Since he hasn’t stopped me yet, what could it hurt to get a more direct feel?_ As I went to do just that, however, I felt firm fingers wrap themselves around my wrist, halting my progress.

“Stop.”

I heeded him instantly, concerned. His voice wasn’t very assertive, and I was pretty well convinced at this point that he had no objection to any of my actions so far, but obviously something wasn’t okay now.

“Listen…” he said, closing his eyes for a second before looking at me intently, his eyes like chips of ice, “We need to talk.”

His words hit me like a blow. _Fuck. How much damage have I done?_ I exhaled sharply and instantly backed off, the pained looked that flickered across his eyes only serving to confuse me further.

“Okay,” he said with a small sigh, “Before you get any stupid ideas in your head, you have not done anything wrong. This is about me and my fucked up past. I really wish it didn’t matter, but it does and you need to understand what you’re getting into if you are going to be with me. Shit.” His eyebrows pinched together as he cursed, and he raised a hand to rub at the crease it caused. “I really should have talked to you about this _before_ I agreed to dating you, but you fuck me up, Eren.”

I tried desperately hard to remember that Levi was trying to have a conversation right now, an important one at that, and didn’t want me getting him off. His admission had my heart racing, though, and I was finding it a little difficult to concentrate. He needed to say whatever he had to say or else it was only a matter of time before I tried to jump him again.

“Look, you already know how I am when it comes to clean surfaces, right Eren?” He was waiting for confirmation, so I swallowed and nodded, unsure of what this had to do with us. “My… issues… extend beyond that. I told you before… I have seen what people do when they think no one is looking. Or when they don’t care that you are. People will wipe their asses with their own hands and then clap you on the shoulder. It’s not that I don’t trust you. I’ve _been_ fucking trusting you and I don’t even know why. I just am more sensitive about things being clean when it comes to sexual activities. For all I know you were digging for gold while my back was turned. I can get over that shit when it’s just a coffee cup because most people use the handle. Which is fucking stupid in the first place because those things are completely unreliable. I just don’t use the handle and it’s fine. It’s different when you try to touch my dick.”

I let a moment pass after he stopped speaking, just in case he wanted to add something else. “Is that all?”

“Not really.” He had a guarded look on his face. It was subtle from the expression he typically wore, but I was slowly realizing I could read his face better than I knew. “We are just talking about a hand job right now.” He shook his head and looked away for a moment before fixing me with those piercing slate eyes. “I fucked this up. I really should have talked to you about this before, but I am going to lay it out for you now, and then you can decide if you want to stay with me or not.”

“Okay,” I offered, holding my breath for what was to come next.

“As long as I know your hands are relatively clean, I don’t care too much about touching, but if you want to get your hands below the belt, they need to be washed. If you want oral, you either need to be freshly washed or have a condom on you. I don’t go bareback, ever, and if you want anal you will put up with me cleaning and preparing you properly because people really weren’t meant to take it up the ass and I won’t have you getting an infection or some shit because of me.”

I listened intently to every word he said, chastising myself internally when his casual discussion of preparing me had blood rushing south so fast I was surprised the room didn’t start spinning. He had given me a lot to take in and I was determined to think about it properly, for once, instead of just spitting out a reply.

He was definitely… particular. His conditions didn’t seem _that_ bad, though. I mean, it wasn’t like he was refusing to have sex at all. So I could end up taking a few extra showers; big deal. As I eyed the stunning man in front of me, I was pretty sure I could live with that. He also implied that I’d be bottoming, but I was fine with that, too. In fact, I preferred it that way. Plus, as much as I wanted to do things with Levi, my attraction to him was more than sexual. For reasons I had yet to fully comprehend, I really did like him for who he was, and if he needed time to learn to trust me with stuff of this nature, I was okay with that. Maybe I could help him slowly push some of those boundaries.

“So, if I wash my hands, can we continue?”

Levi blinked a couple of times, like he was not expecting that response. “Say that again, brat?”

I tentatively stepped back into close proximity with him and rested a hand on his hip, feeling the jut of his hipbone with my thumb through the fabric of his shirt. “If I wash my hands right now, can I continue?”

He looked at me with incredulity. “Are you fucking serious?”

I frowned at him. “Well, didn’t you just say—”

“Did you hear _anything_ past what would get you in my pants right now?” His voice rose with a hint of anger, and I flinched back in shock.

“Fuck, Levi, _of course_ I listened. I’m okay with it. I really am. I’m trying to let you know I’m okay with it.”

“Eren, I don’t think you realize—” he started to argue.

“No,” I stopped him. “Levi, listen. I heard you. I know you’re trying to tell me that being with you won’t be easy, but what relationship is? If you’re worried that I’m only interested in you for your body and will get fed up with you eventually because of this, you’re wrong. I like you for who you are and getting to touch you is just a bonus. Though I won’t lie, it’s a bonus I really, _really_ want.” I couldn’t help the breathiness that worked its way into my voice. “I’ve literally been dreaming of touching you, but it wouldn’t be any fun if you don’t enjoy it. So if you want to hold back for a while longer, it’s fine. It’s not like we’ve been together that long, anyway. I was just trying to make you comfortable so maybe we both could have a little enjoyment, but I won’t force you.”

Levi snorted, catching me off guard. “Like you could.” Now he was looking at me warmly. _Did I get through to him?_ “I…” he let a beat pass, his face serious again. “I think it’s best if we don’t rush things.”

I nodded slowly, disappointed, but determined to not let it show for once. I wanted to prove to him how committed I was to this—to him. Hesitantly, I went to wrap my arms around him, trying not to be too surprised when he relaxed into me, cheek pressed against my chest. After a moment he took a deep breath and pulled back, looking at me with molten eyes. “So what were you saying about washing your hands?”

The temperature in my body rose instantaneously. “B-But… didn’t you just say…?” I stuttered out.

He nodded, a devious little smirk playing on his lips. “I did.”

“T-Then why— _ah_ ,” I gave a breathy little gasp as he rolled his hips into mine.

“If you knew how long I have been waiting to do this, you would understand why this classifies as slow.” His voice was an impossible combination of gravel and silk that had me suppressing a shiver. “I’m not fucking you yet; but I don’t think getting a little more… familiar with each other will hurt.”

“Do you need to watch me wash?” I asked, a little desperation seeping into my tone.

He paused for a moment. “No,” he finally said firmly, meeting my eyes steadily. “I will trust you.”

My heart stuttered happily in my chest as I pulled away from him, muttering a quick ‘be right back’ before practically jogging the few feet to the bathroom and carefully lathering my hands in warm water. As uncomfortable as things were getting between my legs, and as much as I wanted to rush back to Levi, I forced myself to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ three times to be safe before drying my hands on a fresh towel from one of the drawers. I walked into my bedroom holding my hands out in front of me like a surgeon, and Levi started laughing. I kicked the door closed, just to be safe, frowning at him.

“You look ridiculous,” he told me.

“Hey, I’m trying to be thoughtful here!” I complained.

He snickered a few more times, rising from where he had been precariously seated on my bed, immediately crossing the room and skillfully undoing my jeans. I noticed the fly of his slacks was already undone. He slipped a finger into my boxers, playing with the waistband.

“Are you going to hold your hands like that for the rest of the evening, or are you actually going to touch me?” He was looking up at me through dark eyelashes that had the slightest bit of curl to them. Everything about him looked perfect in this moment, and I was suddenly overcome by nervousness. Maybe we _were_ rushing this a little. _I’ve been fantasizing about doing things like this with him before I even realized it was him I was picturing, though!_ I bit my lip as my worries locked up my body.

“Eren,” Levi’s soft, low voice called me, and I shifted my conflicted eyes to him. “You need to stop worrying about this so much. I believe you when you say you want me, so can’t you do me the favor of believing me when I say I feel the same way?” He slowly wrapped his fingers around my wrists and guided my hands underneath his shirt. I moved my hands to his hips, idly stroking the skin as I attempted to think past the arousal that was trying to disorganize my thoughts.

“It’s not that,” I began. “I’m just… worried that I’m pushing for too much too soon. I…” I blushed as I said the next words, “I haven’t done anything like this in a while, and I’ve really been wanting to do it with you, but it’s only been a couple of weeks, and—”

“Shut up, brat,” Levi silenced me. “However long it’s been for you, I guarantee it’s been longer for me. I’m horny as hell here and all your rambling has me going soft. I don’t fucking care that it’s been a couple of weeks. We may not know each other’s favorite songs and shit yet, but it’s not like we’re some strangers who just met yesterday either.  I’ve been waiting for-fucking-ever to do shit like this with you. And you just washed your fucking hands so don’t pretend now like you don’t want it too. Make up your damn mind,” he growled the last part of his speech, and I was kind of surprised he hadn’t moved away from me with how clearly irked he was, but his fingers were tighter than ever on my skin—like he might rip me apart if I dared to move away.

With that, my decision was made. I let the rational part of my mind go and pushed my hands down into his boxers, groping that ass that I’d been eyeing for so long. I pushed my head down to capture his lips, devouring them as I kneaded his flesh with my fingers. It was better than any stretch of my imagination—firm and warm and shapely—I moaned into the kiss. I felt Levi’s breath stutter and he pressed himself into me, moving our clothed erections against one another. I tugged at Levi’s lower lip gently as I finally let the fingers of my right hand trail around his hip to his front, pushing down his boxers to finally get a glimpse of his cock. I broke our kiss to look down as I gave his length its first caress of my fingers. Levi tensed in my arms at the initial contact, but as I wrapped my fingers around his warmth and gave it a firm stroke, he seemed to dissolve and let out a muted groan.

For a few moments, Levi seemed to be overwhelmed, pushing his forehead into my shoulder and giving short gasps as I pleasured him. He recovered quickly, though, and I jolted when, in a flash, my underwear was down and his icy hand was fondling me. I sucked air in through my teeth as his hand began moving in earnest, my head pitching forward and my own hand faltering its pace. I used the hand that was still planted on his ass to massage him a little more as both of us picked up our movements, drawing long moans out of one another.

“ _Shit, Eren._ ” My cock jumped in Levi’s hand hearing him say my name like _that_.

I pressed my lips to his temple, gasping when Levi started rubbing small circles around the head with the pad of his thumb.

“ _Levi…_ ” Had I been capable, I would have told him all the things he was making me feel. I couldn’t seem to remember how proper speech worked, though, only able to moan his name over and over as he quickly learned all the things I liked best.I’d forgotten how good a hand job could be when you had an attentive partner. Feelings were swelling in my chest as the pleasure in my groin intensified. This wasn’t one of my fantasies or dreams. This was _real_ and it was _incredible._ Levi was touching me. Levi was _mine._ “Fuck,” I groaned.

Levi suddenly reached the hand that wasn’t attending my lower half to the back of my head, entwining his fingers in my short locks and dragging me down into a kiss. My eyes popped open in surprise when I felt his tongue wetting my lips. He was looking back at me, and though being slightly cross-eyed was uncomfortable, the passion in his eyes only fueled the fire that was consuming me, and I boldly pressed my tongue past my lips to engage his.

That first touch of tongues was like dumping gasoline on the flames between us. We were pressed as close as we could be while still allowing for the movements of our fisted hands. Levi was moaning wantonly into my mouth, and I swore the vibrations traveled through my whole body, making me hyperaware of every point at which we were connected. The heat in my groin was growing to a peak fast and I began rocking my hips into his hand, only vaguely aware of him doing the same. “ _Mm!_ ” I gave a loud cry that Levi swallowed when he gave a particularly gratifying tug at my foreskin, and my mind went blank for a second before I was coming, reveling in each powerful pulse of pleasure as it crashed through me.

I only became aware that our mouths weren’t connected anymore when I heard Levi groan, “Shit, _Eren_ ,” and then warm, viscous liquid was covering my hand, slowly running down towards my wrist. I didn’t pay it any mind as I worked Levi through his orgasm, leaning down to capture his lips in one more adoring kiss.

My legs felt weak and my whole body light, but I was sated in a way I had not been in months. Levi’s face was pressing into me again, and I trailed meaningless patterns on the small of his back while we regained composure.

“ _Damn_ ,” I huffed, not having any other words to describe the experience.

Levi grunted a noise of agreement and finally pulled back, making a face at his soiled hand. I quickly extracted myself from Levi and went to grab a tissue box, offering some to Levi before taking a few for myself. When our hands were dry he immediately dragged me to the bathroom, where we both washed thoroughly.

“You’d better change your pants, Eren,” Levi said to me as I dried my hands. I looked at him questioningly, my mind still foggy after what had just happened. His eyes roamed down to my crotch, where splotches of semen had left wet patches on my jeans.

“Ah, shit,” I complained, trudging back to my room to find a wearable pair of pants. Fortunately, Levi’s pants were spotless. Not only was I sure there’d be hell to pay if that had happened, but there was no way any of my pants would fit him.

Levi leaned against my doorframe, watching me hop around on one foot as I tried to tug on a tight pair of skinny jeans. He caught my eye and raised an eyebrow at me.

“Try to finish up sometime before midnight, brat. We’re already going to get there later than I told Hanji as it is,” he said. A shadow flitted across his face. “ _Fuck_ , Hanji. And Mike. And everyone else, too. They’re all going to be extra nosy shits tonight.” His voice was sour, but I couldn’t help but notice how much more relaxed his face and stance were, and a sudden wave of boldness overtook me, no doubt assisted by the memory of what had just happened and knowledge that I looked damn sexy in these pants.

“Hey,” I called to him, striding to where he leaned against the doorframe and moving myself into his personal space. “The only one you should be fucking is me.”

A smirk danced across his lips, as he straightened up, forcing me to back off a little. “Yeah, brat. In time.” He reached around to grip the back of my neck and dragged me down into a hard kiss that I automatically responded to, but as quickly as it had started it was over, and Levi had maneuvered out into the hallway, hovering by the staircase. “Now get your hot ass downstairs so we can leave,” he ordered rather cheerfully before disappearing down the stairs, leaving me dazed.

And that was when it hit me.

 _Levi and I… We… Holy shit!_ I looked down to stare dumbly at my hands in wonder. And then the important questions started barging into my thoughts: _What does this mean for us now?_ _Does this mean I can grab his ass whenever I want?_

“Eren!” Levi barked from down below. I jolted and practically threw myself down the stairs.

“What the hell was taking you so long? Were you jacking off again?” I honestly could not tell if he was kidding or not this time.

“Of course not!” I shouted.

“Shit, Eren,” he said, massaging his ears. “I’m _right here_ ,” his tone was traced with annoyance.

“Sorry,” I overcompensated and whispered the word in reply.

Levi sighed. “Just get outside, you shit.” The gentleness of his hand as it took mine counterbalanced his harsh words, as did the look he was giving me.

_Radiant._

Yes, that was the word. I grinned down at him and I gave his hand a squeeze. He looked radiant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 to feature fighting, partying, talking, kissing, and more!
> 
> Also, I refuse to apologize for the rhyming. ^_~


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which... a little bit of everything happens. Seriously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY for taking so long. This chapter is the largest the story has seen. A little over 13k words. So I recommend you tackle it in chunks or make yourself a couple pots of tea to go along with your reading. XD
> 
> But that's why it was a long wait. Over 2x the words = over 2x the time.
> 
> Anyway, I edited this twice and then some, but because it's huge I KNOW I missed stuff, and I *implore* you to let me know when you find errors so I can fix them.
> 
> Also, over 500 kudos, wow. 0_0
> 
> THANK YOU to all of you who continue to kudo, comment, bookmark, read, etc. <3
> 
> I don't know what Eren's deal with LotR references is. He really loves it in this story, apparently.
> 
> Enjoy?

“LEVI!”

A startled cry tore from my lips when Hanji materialized out of nowhere the second we stepped foot inside the bar. Levi had taken us around to a well-concealed unlocked back entrance, which apparently led into the bar’s kitchen. Rich smells filled the place, but since it started out looking devoid of people, Hanji’s appearance was more than a little startling. Though I was definitely more unsettled by the creeper smile now set on her face.

“I told you,” Levi addressed Hanji dryly, “you creep the shit out of him.” It was at that moment I realized I was clutching Levi’s arm rather pathetically. _What kind of shitty boyfriend am I? Something jumps out at us and I cling to him?! What the fuck!_ I instantly chastised myself, unwinding my fingers from the folds of his sweater.

 “Welcome, Eren!” Hanji beamed, completely ignoring Levi. “I’m so glad you were able to come with Levi. How are things going, by the way?” she inquired, but didn’t give the space for a response, continuing to babble. “You guys are half an hour late. You didn’t have a fight, did you? He’s refused to tell me a thing since he first let us know you two were dating. You look good. Eyes are bright, color seems normal. Levi, you almost have a glow about you. OOOOOH!” Hanji gasped exaggeratedly. “Did you use my Christmas present?! Is that why you were late?!” The woman was practically squealing now, and I was totally lost. Levi had been pretty vague about the presents he’d gotten for Christmas/his birthday.

I looked over at him, flinching in surprise as Levi took a menacing step forward, his lips curling into an absolute snarl. If Hanji’s present made him that angry, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

“ _Shut your fucking mouth_ , damn Glasses,” he growled, his face flushed.

Hanji appeared fascinated. “Levi, are you blushing as a result of embarrassment or anger because your face is so stony it’s kind of hard to tell- _oh look at that I have to go_ ,” Her words suddenly ran all together as Levi’s expression—if possible—got darker. “Be right back!” she called before dancing out of the kitchen and into the main room.

I turned to Levi, my mouth poised to speak, but just as I was aspirating the first letter, Levi rounded on me. “ _Do. Not. Ask._ ” I just stared at him with my mouth open for a second before closing it again and nodding. Something brushed my fingertips, causing me to jolt, only for me to realize the sensation had been caused by Levi’s cold-as-ice fingers. I gave him an apologetic smile and held my hand back out, letting him twine our fingers together and harshly tug me forward, half dragging me into the bar as I tried to get my feet under me.

Hanji was behind the bar talking to Mike and a few people wearing aprons I assumed to be kitchen staff. As soon as we were in sight of them, Levi dropped my hand. I tried to push aside how disappointed I was by that, but I could hardly say it was unexpected. I could still barely comprehend that he was fond of affectionate touches at all. _And more_. My thoughts drifted to what had occurred not even an hour ago, and suddenly I was burning. My heart pounded thinking of his cool hands around my hot shaft. _Damn_. I needed to calm the fuck down. Now was _not_ the time to be straining my pants. There were people, some of them Levi’s friends, _right there_ , for crying out loud.

Somehow that knowledge didn’t help. At all. I frowned to myself.

_I’m kinkier than I thought._

“While we should probably talk about that shit at some point, now is not the opportune moment, Eren.” Levi’s droll voice interrupted my musings. My fucking _private_ musings that apparently my mouth wanted to share with the world.

This time I spoke on purpose, “I hate my brain.”

The corner of Levi’s lip twitched up. “Just thank whoever you pray to that Hanji didn’t overhear that. I would really regret having to kill you both.”

“Gee,” I said unenthusiastically. “Good to know I’d be missed. Sometimes I wonder.”

Levi replanted his feet to face me, his eyes flashing in a way that had a much more innocent warmth igniting in me. “You have no idea,” he said slowly.

And I really didn’t. The way he spoke felt like he was implying more than what was at the surface of his words. It was that voice that said ‘I’m not thinking about what you just said anymore.’ Sometimes I got legitimately angry over the fact I wasn’t a mind reader. Actually, that had mostly been a sentiment of my youth, but I was kind of pissed about it again now. Levi could be so fucking enigmatic, and I knew from experience that this was one of those times when he wasn’t going to elaborate even if I asked. Not that I even had the chance if I wanted it, since Hanji’s huddle was breaking up and she was headed straight for us.

“Can I get either of you something to drink?” Hanji asked, gesturing to the bar. “It will still be another twenty minutes before I let anyone in. Unfortunately, there won’t be any real food before then, but I could get you some chips and salsa if you like?”

My answer was instantaneous. “No,” I said darkly. Hanji looked startlingly intrigued by my reaction, and I froze, realizing how stupid my explanation would sound. Before I could say anything, though, Levi spoke for me.

“Eren has some sort of hatred for tortilla chips,” he explained. Hanji perked up and looked like she was about to say something, but Levi quickly continued, curtailing whatever she had to say.  “Don’t ask why.” Hanji sagged. I shot Levi a look of appreciation, which he accepted with the tiniest of smiles. The tingles that had been plaguing my groin moved upwards to my chest. “But you can get me a whisky,” he told her. “You know what I like.”

Hanji instantly animated again. “You got it! What about you, Eren?” she asked me.

“Oh, uh… rum and Coke,” I ordered what was sure to please.

“Coming right up!” she chirped. It was only as she danced her way behind the bar that I noticed that Mike wasn’t there anymore.

“Where’d Mike go?” I voiced my curiosity.

To my surprise, Levi answered for me, though as an afterthought, it made sense that Levi would know what his friends did. “Mike is actually the head chef here. He has a real nose for cooking. He just likes working the bar.”

“Yup!” Hanji piped up. “And who can blame him? You get to hear so many interesting stories!”

“Sure,” I responded unconvincingly. Mike didn’t really strike me as the type to talk someone through their woes, but what did I know? And I really had no idea what working as a bartender would be like, since I had never really paid that much attention to them before. I was either too absorbed in my own thoughts or in conversation with others. In fact, now that I thought about it, I probably wasn’t the best at putting myself in another’s shoes.

“Shitty brat.” I looked up when I heard Levi call me, frowning a little when I processed what I was responding to. Not that it surprised me. It was just kind of sad how well Levi had trained me.

“Yeah?” I answered him.

“Are you going to stand there all night, or do you think you might get your ass over here to join me at some point?”

His words triggered the realization that he had, indeed, moved away from me and was now seated on a barstool. _Damn. I missed him hopping up on it. I bet that’s fucking adorable._

“Oi, what’s going through that airhead of yours now? Move your hot ass, brat,” he griped. I could hardly suppress the smile that wanted to break through at the sight of him wanting me with him so much. If I thought he would tolerate it for a second, I would go over and litter him with kisses. As it was, I just settled myself onto the stool next to him, right in time for Hanji to slide our drinks in front of us.

“Now, Eren,” Hanji said in the most serious tone I’d heard from her so far.

“Here we go,” Levi groaned in exasperation, but didn’t try to stop her this time, instead taking half of his drink in one gulp.

“Now that you’re officially with Levi here, I must know everything about you.” Hanji’s voice was still solemn, but earnest interest danced in her eyes. Something about that made me feel at ease. Gone was the crazy scientist vibe. I didn’t feel like I was being put under a microscope or tested to see if I’d measure up. She just wanted to know me, and I was okay with that. More than okay. This was one of Levi’s most trusted friends. I wanted to know her, too. And maybe she’d tell me some things about Levi that I wouldn’t hear from the man himself.

“Exactly how old are you? Wait! I know this one!” she exclaimed before I could even part my lips, covering her mouth with her hand briefly. “27!” she proclaimed loudly.

“Uh, close,” my voice sounded abnormally quiet after her yelling. “I’m 26.”

She frowned for a moment, apparently thinking. Then some sort of switch seemed to flick in her mind and she lit up again. “Right! Levi just had his birthday. So when’s yours?” she inquired.

“March 30th.” I glanced over at Levi. Something about his body language seemed unhappy, but I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it or not. The man was still incredibly hard to read. Before I could consider it too much, however, Hanji was drawing my attention back to her.

“Ah!” she gasped. “Aries. First sign, fire element. I can definitely see it!” I stared at her like a deer in headlights. I knew my sign was Aries, but I literally knew nothing beyond that. Astrology had never been my thing. Fortunately, she turned her attention elsewhere, so I was spared having to respond. “Oh, Levi, you’re going to have your hands full with this one.” Her eyes danced as she spoke to him, turning thoughtful as she went on. “Not the greatest compatibility, but I have faith in you both!” she beamed.

Levi broke out of whatever musings he was having to throw a dagger of a glance at Hanji. “Four-Eyes, do I look like I give a shit about that crap?”

“Nope.” Hanji’s cheer was endless. The more I saw them interact, the more baffled I became by their friendship. “You’re no fun, Levi.”

“I wasn’t trying to be,” he sassed back.

“She’s not giving you too much grief, is she Levi?” I startled minutely as an unfamiliar voice spoke from behind me, and twisted my torso to find an attractive man with light brown hair standing a few feet away, nicely dressed in a suit. It brought my attention to what Levi and Hanji were wearing. I had been vaguely cognizant of Levi’s attire, but more just in the sense that he had been wearing it, and that it was in the way earlier. Now that I was focused on it, however, I could see that he had dressed in a soft-looking gray zip-up sweater, a white t-shirt peeking out from the dip of the ‘V’ with a pair of black slacks. Hanji was dressed a little more casually, like me, in a button-up blouse and jeans. Even so, I felt a little out of place next to Levi. Maybe more than a little. I suddenly felt very young, and like I was not deserving of the man next to me at all. I had resolved myself to not worry myself over non-existent problems, but there was no denying that Levi had mastered the look of the classy older businessman while I drowned in polyester and painted denim on my skin. What would everyone at the party think? _‘How the fuck did_ that _happen?’ Probably. If only I could answer that myself._ I thought about it a little more. _Well, I_ have _seen him in skin-tight jeans before._

A hiss of air escaped Levi’s lips. “When does she not?” he responded to the man, swiveling to face him. Hanji pouted childishly behind him. Levi gestured over at me. “This is Eren.”

He did not explain further, but by the way the man’s eyes widened in recognition of my name, I guessed he didn’t have to. I, however, was still in the dark. I poked Levi, who twitched almost imperceptibly and turned dark, glowering, eyes on me. _Is Levi ticklish?_ The thought sparked delight in me. I did not get to muse long, though, as the mystery man started speaking again, taking a few steps forward to extend a hand.

“Sorry, I did not mean to be so rude. I’m Moblit, Hanji’s partner,” he introduced himself.

“Oh, right,” I said, instantly placing the name. “Nice to meet you.”

Moblit smiled kindly to me. “Likewise.”

“Isn’t he cute, Moblit!” Hanji gushed. Moblit looked crossed between amusement and embarrassment. “It’s no wonder Levi’s a goner.” I raised an eyebrow at that bit of information, feeling my cheeks heat, and Levi’s expression grew stormier. Despite my desire to have Hanji go on, having her do so with Levi _right there_ was probably dangerous for all of us. Another time. Right now…

“So, Hanji, what else did you want to know?” I asked, my eyes watching her steadily even though I had the strongest urge to let them flit to Levi. Her brown eyes began to dance again, and I knew I had successfully distracted her.

“What’s your favorite kind of music?”

 _Shit, I hate this question_.

“Uh…” I was saying that a lot tonight. _Way to make myself look cool and mature._ “Rock music, I guess? My tastes are pretty eclectic.”

Hanji nodded, like she expected that answer. I really hoped that wasn’t the case, though, because the thought of Hanji reading my mind freaked me out. Levi was kind of right about her. I liked her, but the feeling I’d gotten on the first night I met her after she gave Jean that slasher smile only intensified the more sober time I spent with her. She was great while she was all lively curiosity, but I did not want to piss this woman off.

“Speaking of tastes,” she said, “favorite dessert.” I knew she was asking even though it sounded like a statement.

“Apple pie,” I answered without hesitation. That one was easy.

“Favorite body part?”

My eyebrows instantly drew together into a weirded-out scowl. That was a fucking weird question. I looked over at Levi. The ass actually looked like he was fighting back a smile. Fortunately, Moblit came to my rescue. I’d kind of forgotten he was there. _Oops_.

“Hanji, don’t ask him that. It’s strange,” he said bluntly.

Hanji smiled mischievously, but backed off of the question, which surprised me.

“Okay, okay,” she appeased Moblit before refocusing on me, “How about favorite book?”

I hesitated. My voice went whisper soft. “Levi’s.”

“What?” Hanji and Levi spoke in unison, but with very different inflections. Hanji hadn’t heard me. Levi was shocked. Well, as shocked as Levi got.

Levi’s eyes, a deep chill blue tonight, searched mine, an intensity charging the air between us, but not unpleasantly.

“Oh, shit!” Hanji suddenly cried, startling me out of the moment I was having with Levi. “I have to let people in!” In a flash, she was out from behind the bar and charging for the doors shouting, “EVERYONE GET READY!”over her shoulder.

She opened the doors.

I don’t know what I had been expecting, but I was surprised by the flood of people that came in. _People actually waited outside in the cold for the doors to open for this thing? Is it that big of a deal?_ Well, there was free booze, but Levi made it sound like this was a private party. _Does he really know all these people?_ I scanned the incoming crowd for any faces I knew, and was surprised by how quickly I found some, though I could say I was not super thrilled to see them headed my way. Talking to Levi’s boss and my coworker at a party like this just seemed awkward. Especially because Levi was close with both of them. Even more so because Petra, to my knowledge, was the last person Levi had dated. And now I was dating him.

Yeah. Awkward.

“Evening,” Erwin was the first to greet us. He extended a hand towards me, “Nice to see you again, Eren. I hope things are well?”

I swallowed the mouthful of rum and Coke I’d just taken and set down my drink to grasp his hand. Erwin knew. One part of me was perversely pleased with the confidence that this man knew I’d staked my claim on Levi, but another wasn’t sure how to act now. My instinct to act like an asshole was completely unfounded, and it might actually upset Levi. I supposed the truth would work pretty well for this situation. I mustered a small smile.

“Things are great,” a hint of pride snuck into my words, my mind all too ready to retreat to my delicious new memory again.

Erwin raised an eyebrow at Levi, who made that “tch” noise and pointedly began staring at the far end of the establishment. A smile blossomed over Erwin’s face, and I suddenly found myself even more hard pressed to say anything shitty about this man. He had a damn charming smile.

“Is that so,” he said with an air that implied more was going on in his head than he was expressing. It made me feel uneasy for a moment, but then that blinding smile was back and the feeling was gone. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“I’m surprised to see you here, Eren,” Petra spoke up, though she didn’t sound surprised at all. “How did you end up coming?” Her eyes darted towards Levi and returned to me.

“I’m…” I thought for a second, wondering if it was okay for me to be telling _his_ friends about us, but Levi gave no indication that he was about to pipe up, so I settled on saying something kind of vague. “…here with Levi.”

Suddenly Petra’s eyes were alive with the fire of Hanji’s and she looked one step short of pouncing on Levi. Levi huffed, but gave her his attention.

“We’re going out,” he stated simply.

“Finally!” Petra shouted, startling me. It was like she’d been waiting to hear that phrase half her lifetime. Petra was usually so sweet and soft-spoken, though I had been witness to her raising her voice at Oluo a few times before. Petra noticed my wide-eyed stare.

“Sorry, Eren,” she said gently. “I’ve just been hearing about this crush of Levi’s—” Petra’s voice became too muffled to understand as a pair of icy hands clamped over my ears. I jerked upwards, spine straight at the sudden cold and tried to shake off the appendages, but they remained latched in place.

“Levi,” I whined in the most pathetic voice I could manage. The hands still didn’t budge. I twisted in my seat to see that he had actually gotten off of his barstool to stop me from hearing whatever Petra had been about to tell me, not that I was so stupid I couldn’t see where it was going. Levi’s eyes were filled with indignation and aimed at Petra, who I could faintly hear laughing now. “Please?” I tried again. Levi’s gaze flicked over to mine and I gave him my best puppy dog eyes. He stared at me impassively for a few seconds before releasing a small breath and withdrawing his hands, finally. I immediately replaced his with my own in an attempt to warm the cartilage again. I threw a glare of my own his way.

“Your hands are fucking freezing,” I griped.

Levi shrugged, and I removed my palms to find Petra still snickering and Erwin wearing an amusedly fond smile.

“Sorry, Levi,” Petra offered, clearly only half sincere. “I’m just really happy for you. Both of you,” she amended, turning her smile on me. I couldn’t help but smile back. _I guess this isn’t as awkward as I thought it would be._

“So, Eren,” Erwin began conversationally, “are we going to be seeing you at Armin’s book release next week?”

I froze, letting those words wash over me. _Armin’s book..._ “Oh, fuck!” I yelled, then clapped both my hands over my mouth. I looked around. There were a couple odd glances, but no one was staring. I lowered my hands a few inches. “Sorry,” I whispered.

“You forgot, didn’t you brat?” Levi’s tone was chiding. I reached for my drink and took in another hearty swallow.

“I, uh, yeah,” I admitted. _How the fuck did I forget about that, though?_

“Everyone forgets things, sometimes. At least you’re remembering now,” Erwin offered good-naturedly.

I gave him an embarrassed smile. “Yeah,” I said again. “I’ll definitely be there.”

“You’d better be, brat,” Levi told me. “It would be pretty shitty of you to forget about supporting your best friend.”

Guilt crept into my chest. I felt like a chastised child. Levi was completely right. Armin had been extra-awesome lately and showing up to the release of his new series was the least I could do to thank him for it. Literal, bottom of the bucket, least. I felt a curl of anger, too. I was pissed because Armin deserved better than that.

“Don’t be so hard on him, Levi,” I didn’t even realize I had lowered my head until I had to lift it to look at Petra.

Erwin was nodding. “I seem to remember a _very specific_ time when you didn’t show up for me when I was—”

“Eren, grab your drink,” Levi interjected loudly, giving me a mere second to comply before he was dragging me away from Erwin and Petra. Erwin had a far too smug smile on his face and Petra had covered her mouth with one of her hands. She gave me a little wave with the other when she noticed me looking. I raised my glass in acknowledgement of her before Levi dragged me out of their sight. The next instant I was trying to keep myself from crashing into him as he abruptly stopped in the middle of the growing throng of people.

“You guys seemed to be hitting it off,” Levi grumbled.

I laughed, amused by how petulant my so-much-older boyfriend was being. “Is that the best you’ve got for trying to stop me from asking you what that was about?” Erwin certainly had me curious, but if he was so desperate for me not to hear it that he fled, I wouldn’t press too hard for now. “I would think you’d be happy I was getting along with your friends.”

“You don’t have to get along with them too well,” he murmured.

I suddenly felt bold. “Oh, come on. Erwin’s attractive, but not as sexy as my boyfriend,” I teased.

“That was lame,” Levi informed.

“Yeah, it was,” I agreed. “But did you like it?” I prodded, refusing to let his avoidance of the question go.

“Also not funny,” he said, straight-faced.

“Noted,” I replied. “But you’re still hot.”

“Well that’s not news to anyone,” he scoffed. I grinned.

“I forgot what a confident asshole you are,” I provoked him lightly.

His face twitched slightly, but it was over so quickly I wasn’t entirely sure a flickering light wasn’t to blame. Especially because the next instant Levi was in my personal space, his eyes dancing devilishly. “Oh, Eren,” he purred. “You haven’t seen ‘confident asshole’ yet.”

 _Fuck._ I didn’t even know what that was supposed to mean, but the timbre of his voice had the familiar slow burn of arousal flaring in me. _Fuck_. I repeated again in my head. _I really wish I knew what qualified as ‘slow’ to him. Does two hand jobs in one day make it fast, or is it still slow if we don’t do anything more than that?_

A sharp flick to my forehead reminded me that the object of my thoughts was still no more than a few inches away. “If you need to take a shit, just take one brat.”

I frowned at him, but didn’t shy away from his proximity. “I don’t need to take a shit.”

“You sure looked like it.”

“No! It wasn’t—” but as soon as that all-too-familiar satisfied smirk appeared on his face I shut up. This man and his shit jokes would be the death of me.

“Levi, what’s this?” An unfamiliar voice called out right beside us, over the buzz the crowd was steadily working up.

Levi’s head snapped to the side to view the approaching newcomer; I followed suit more slowly and was met by the sight of a man only slightly taller than me with a thin mustache and goatee.

“Nile,” Levi stated, his voice immediately turning flat. I had not even realized how much warmth had seeped into it until the shift was made, but I could certainly tell now. There had been color in his tone before this. _Maybe Levi doesn’t know him very well? Or actually dislikes him?_

“You’ve taken to cradle robbing?” he continued on without acknowledging Levi had spoken, giving a hearty laugh as he looked me up and down. The smile on my face froze and I actually felt Levi tense beside me, his jaw clenched tight. “They just keep getting younger! I have to say you have good taste, though. Nice eyes,” he complimented, speaking directly to me. “I’m Nile,” he said, offering me his hand.

“Eren,” I returned, accepting the handshake, albeit hesitantly, casting another glance to Levi. This man, Nile, was either completely unaware of Levi’s murderous aura, or had some kind of death wish. “If you were a woman, I might go for you, too.” He laughed again.

“Yes, well, as you can see, he is not.” Levi said tightly. “So why don’t you stop harassing him, _Nile._ ” A chill went down _my_ spine from how cold his words were, and Nile finally seemed to catch that Levi was not finding the topic as jovial as he seemed to. Nor was I for that matter. I felt shaken. It was that punch to the gut of _‘We shouldn’t have gotten together. We don’t belong together. We don’t match.’_ But somehow we _did_ happen. And what did we have in common? Anything? Before I could think too hard about a possible answer, I was distracted by Nile’s voice again.

“Take it easy, Levi,” Nile attempted to soothe, finally looking a little discomforted. “As tense as ever, I see.” He looked back to me and leaned in a little, lowering his voice. “Maybe you can do something about that?” he suggested flippantly.

“Oi, I am _right here_ , you fucker.” Levi said, patience obviously fading fast.

“Sorry, Levi. You know I don’t mean anything by it,” he brushed off Levi’s words, but he was already backing away, clearly intending to not stick around long enough to find out if that was true or not. “I’ll see you around the office. And nice to meet you, Eren.” He was working his way back through the mass of people before I could say anything. It was really getting crowded in here.

“Tsk,” I heard Levi’s annoyed hiss loud and clear and turned to him for an explanation of… whatever that was.

“Fucking coworker,” he spat. “Actually, not just a coworker. Next to Erwin, he has the most shares of Survey. Technically I rank under him, but he is a total shit log. His entire shitty division is shit.”

Nile actually didn’t seem that bad to me, but I figured I was better off keeping that sentiment to myself. Levi knew him much longer than my three-minute interaction with him, after all. “You don’t like him,” I summarized instead.

“Fuck no!” he said emphatically. “Gross. I need another drink. Come, shitty brat.”

_What, am I a dog?_

Levi stopped, looking back at me, considering me. “More like a puppy,” he corrected after several beats of me just staring at him perplexedly.

_Fuck my mouth._

“But the good thing about puppies is…” he went on, pausing for emphasis, his voice lilting in the most pleasingly subtle way, “…they can be trained easily.”

My breathing hitched as my stomach dropped, my eyes popping wide. _Did he just…_?

And then the corners of Levi’s mouth twitched. My Nile-induced apprehension drained instantaneously. Levi swiveled on his foot to maneuver his way back to the bar, giving me a lovely view of his ass.

I really needed to find out what ‘slow’ meant.

 

By the time Mike had fixed us up with another round of drinks—a double whisky for Levi and a Tokyo Iced Tea for me—I was beginning to wonder where my friends were. Especially Armin. I munched on a triangle of quesadilla that I had swiped from a passing tray and groped for my phone. As soon as I had it in my hand, however, I felt a tap on my shoulder that most certainly did not come from Levi, since he was standing right in front of me. I swallowed the last bit of cheesy goodness and whirled around to see not only Armin, but Marco, Sasha, and Connie. A grin split my face. Though Levi’s company made being with a group that was largely strangers considerably less awkward, I was glad to finally have some people my own age around. I felt less out of place by Levi’s side just having them here.

“Hey!” I greeted brightly. I had to shout now. Sometime during the last ten minutes Hanji had cranked the music up to compensate for the clamor of the guests. People were already dancing. And sweating. It was getting fucking hot in here.

A chorus of greetings met my ears.

“Dude, we haven’t seen you in forever!” Connie cried. Sasha nodded her head in agreement.

“I know!” I yelled back. “Been busy.” I glanced over my shoulder at Levi, who was standing a couple feet away, taking an excessively long drink from his glass. I frowned.

“Levi!” I called, walking over to him and tugging on his shirtsleeve, demanding he come closer. He did as I wanted, but didn’t look happy about it.

“You guys remember Levi?” I didn’t see how they could not, but since they’d really only seen him face-to-face the first time he went out with us, I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask. Connie selectively had the memory of a goldfish.

Apparently he could remember Levi, though. Both his and Sasha’s eyes widened a fraction, and they exchanged a glance before Connie offered an awkward little wave, apparently recalling Levi’s distaste for handshakes.

“Hey,” he gave a nod to Levi.

“Nice to see you again,” Sasha said, though seemed rather distracted, gazing around the room as she spoke like she was looking for someone. But after a moment she seemed to give up and instead turned her attention to me, unsubtly raising an eyebrow and darting her eyes over to Levi. If we weren’t already together, I would have been mortified. Instead I grinned and placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder. He gave me a warning look, but didn’t shake me off, which I took as my permission to leave it there.

“We’ve been dating since just before Christmas,” I told them, barely containing my completely irrational pride. I hadn’t done anything to win him, so it wasn’t like I could be prideful of my own accomplishment. But there was something gratifying about an attractive and successful someone taking an interest in me, wanting to be with me. _Yeah, maybe that’s it_. I was proud to show him off.

“What?!” Connie and Sasha shouted in unison—something that really wasn’t that uncommon. The talking over one another began.

“Why _How_ didn’t _long were_ you _you_ tell us _going to_ sooner _wait to tell us about this_?!”

I didn’t actually understand what they individually said, but I got the gist.

I also hadn’t really thought about the answer.

“I guess it just seemed like the kind of thing I should tell you guys in person?” I answered, squeezing Levi’s shoulder once before letting my hand drop back down to my side.

“I’m happy for you, man,” Connie said decisively. He was still eyeing Levi like he was some temperamental wild animal, though.

That was fair.

“You two look good together,” Sasha commented, smiling. I was certain if my cheeks weren’t pink from the alcohol yet, they would be from that comment. I looked to Levi again. His face was still showing nothing, but maybe he was a little more at ease? That was my sense, even though I couldn’t put my finger on _why_ I felt that way.

“You two are really dating?” Marco broke in, reminding me of his presence. _Oh, shit, I forgot he is here, too. Is it going to be a problem that a coworker knows? Wait, Nile is a coworker. Nile is Levi’s_ boss _. Well, so is Erwin, but he doesn’t count. Nile would have said something if it’s going to be a problem, right? What if that’s why Levi’s acting so distant now? But, no. Nile seemed cool with it. So what’s his problem?_

My head was suddenly spinning, and I hadn’t had anywhere near enough to blame it on the alcohol yet. I downed the rest of my drink.

“Eren?” Armin’s concerned voice coaxed me back to the real world.

I coughed on the last of the liquor, pulling a face. “Sorry, Marco,” I rasped, coughing once more.

“The answer is yes,” Levi said for me. Marco’s eyebrows shot towards his hairline. “Don’t look like I just told you I have a self-lubricating asshole. I have dated before. Now I am dating this brat,” he jerked his head in my direction. “It’s not the eighth wonder of the world.” Levi’s voice was kind of hard to make out over the music, but Marco’s expression told me he heard him loud and clear.

“No, sorry!” Marco was quick to defend his behavior. “It’s not that I thought you had never dated, but you don’t… You just give off the air of not needing anybody, I guess. But I shouldn’t have assumed that meant you wouldn’t want someone.”

“Don’t shit yourself over it, Bodt. You’re hardly the first person to think that.” Levi’s voice was dry, but I knew him well enough to know that he really didn’t mean for Marco to feel bad. Maybe uncomfortable, but not guilty.

“Still…” Marco trailed off.

“Have you guys had any drinks yet?” I asked, changing the topic.

“No,” Armin instantly jumped on board with me.

Sasha suddenly perked up. I should have known; earlier Sasha wasn’t looking for someone, but some _thing_.

“CONNIE! There are appetizers come on!” she yelled in one unpunctuated breath, immediately grabbing Connie by the arm to pursue the waiter bearing the tray whether he liked it or not.

A beat passed, all of us staring after them, and then everyone except Levi broke out in light laughter.

“Drinks?” Armin returned to my previous suggestion.

“Yeah,” I replied, leading the way back to where I saw Mike’s head floating above the sea of people.

“How about a round of shots?” Armin suggested. I was game, but I looked to Levi to see his thoughts.

“Make mine a double,” he said. I guess he felt like hitting it hard tonight. I wondered what drunk Levi would be like. _Wait, I’ve seen drunk Levi before_ , I remembered. I suddenly _really_ wanted to get Levi intoxicated again.

 We ordered some shots of rum and threw them back, then ordered cocktails. Well, everyone except Levi did.

“I need to piss,” Levi muttered, and before I could even acknowledge that he’d spoken, he had vacated my side. I found myself frowning at his retreating form. Something about him was definitely off tonight. I mean, he had never seemed particularly comfortable in a crowd, but tonight was… odd. He didn’t just seem out of his element, but like something was eating at him. Maybe I’d pull him aside when he got back.

For the moment, I turned my attention back to Armin and Marco. They were talking, but I hadn’t heard a word they said whilst amid my own thoughts.

“…are here,” Armin was saying, pointing. I followed his finger to see the massive forms of Reiner and Bertolt making their way over to us. I shoved my concerns aside as best I could and put on a smile, waving at my two friends. _Wait—three friends_ , I noted as a short blonde head came into view.

“Annie!” I exclaimed cheerfully as soon as they were in hearing distance. “How have you been? I saw you at Thanksgiving, but all I heard you say was stuff about some TV show you and Mikasa were watching.”

Annie shrugged her shoulders, and I noticed she was donned in a one-sleeve skin-tight top. It looked good on her. “Mostly I’ve been working. I’ve taken on twice as many shifts at the dojo. My dad is talking about turning it over to me. I’ve just been really busy.”

“Wow,” Armin sounded honestly impressed. “He already wants you to take over? That’s awesome, Annie!” Armin could always be counted on for genuine enthusiasm. It was one of the many reasons I loved him.

Annie shrugged again. “It was bound to happen some day. But I was a little surprised by how soon it is happening, too.”

“That’s awesome,” I chimed in. “We should spar again sometime.”

Annie’s lips twitched at that. “Sure. Anytime you want your ass handed to you, come on over.”

“Challenge accepted,” I retorted good-naturedly. “And how are you two?” I directed my attention to Bert and Reiner, who were both wearing simple t-shirts. Bertolt avoided everyone’s eyes, Reiner looked stressed, but kept his eyes trained on me.

“We’ve been fine,” he spoke for both of them. “Busy. Post Christmas/Pre-New Year’s deadline pushing and all that,” he explained rather vaguely.

“Yeah?” I tried to sound convincingly interested, but really I was just trying to figure out what Reiner wasn’t saying. Both Reiner and Bertolt worked as mechanical engineers, and I really didn’t know anything about their work, but with as shifty as they were acting, something had definitely happened that I was willing to bet had little to nothing to do with work.

“I’m going to get something to drink; maybe find some food,” Bertolt suddenly said, walking away without warning. Armin and I followed him with our eyes, and shared a bemused look, then turned to Reiner for explanation.

“Hey, Eren, want to dance?” Reiner abruptly addressed me, ignoring the confused stares he got in return. What the fuck was going on with these two tonight?

I glanced in the direction of the bathrooms, but knew from experience that Levi could take a lot longer than this in one, so why not? I had the distinct sense that Reiner wasn’t inviting me for the pure joy of swaying our bodies. Armin would undoubtedly tell Levi where I went if he came back and couldn’t figure it out himself. The alcohol was warming me up and I actually felt like dancing.

“Sure.”

I followed Reiner out to the dance floor, noticing for the first time that it was actually part of the layout, though there usually were tables in this area. Hanji must only use the space for special occasions. Reiner used his bulk to maneuver us into a nice bit of space near the fringe, making us a part of the crowd without forcing us to be glued to one another. We still stayed pretty close, though. Just enough so that we could speak in one another’s ears instead of screaming over the music. It was still hard to hear. Not to mention hot as balls. I rolled my sweater sleeves up.

“Eren… remember when we talked at Thanksgiving?” he pulled back from the side of my head to look for confirmation. I nodded. “Tell me… what do you know?” He withdrew again and I raised an eyebrow to signal my lack of understanding. I felt him blow out a sigh. “About… me and Bert,” he reluctantly finished, eyes darting around the crowd.

 _Oh. Oooh._ My mouth morphed to match the sound of understanding in my head. Now I just had to figure out how I wanted to approach my answer to that. _Fuck it._

“You mean how you two have had a boner for each other since college?” I leaned in to ask. Reiner jerked his head back with a mixture bewilderment and resignation on his face. Finally his lips set in a frown.

“You mean you’ve known this whole time?” he questioned, scooting a little closer as we both continued to move to the beat. “I guess it doesn’t surprise me that much.” I moved to hang my arms off of his shoulders.

“It’s not like you guys are making eyes at each other all the time. You can just tell there’s… more there.” I really didn’t know how to put it more eloquently.

“Well, you’re not wrong,” Reiner confirmed. “Something has been building for a while… just like you suggested, but it’s always been... I don’t think either of us have really thought of our feelings as something beyond friendship for a long time. But recently things have been different.” He fell silent, his movements grinding to a halt. In the lull, I noticed a very familiar head of hair a little bit deeper in the crowd. Ymir took notice of my gaze and threw me a smirk and a quick nod of the head in greeting. I could occasionally catch a glimpse of Krista’s blonde hair as well and I smiled at them. Our quick exchange was good enough for now. Real greetings could be saved for later. Reiner was still awkwardly immobile on the dance floor.

I bumped my hips into his, trying to get him to break out of the reverie he’d fallen into. He gave a little jump that wouldn’t have even been perceptible if not for the fact we were touching. His eyes refocused on me as he started to undulate again.

“We almost kissed, Eren.” My eyebrows shot up, sincerely surprised to hear that bit of news, although it was, as Reiner said, a long time coming. “He was right there and I knew it was going to happen, and then he just got up and left,” he finished dejectedly. “He’s been avoiding me ever since.”

“I thought it was weird when he ran off and you didn’t follow him,” I confessed.

Reiner gave a lifeless laugh. “Believe me, I wanted to.”

A thought occurred to me. “You should invite him to dance.”

“What?” Reiner almost looked like he was pitying me for spouting such a thing.

“Ask him to dance. It’s not like it would be unusual.”

One of the great things about our circle of friends was that we all were comfortable dancing with each other, regardless of orientation or who was dating whom.

Abruptly a trail of ice worked itself down my insides, freezing them as if by some enchantment. Reiner had a hold on my hips, rolling with me as I continued to hold onto his shoulders. It was innocent, it really was, and my friends and I had done stuff like this for years, but would Levi understand it? It could easily be mistaken for something else, I knew, because it had happened before. Even if Levi didn’t freak out, this room was full of his friends. What were they thinking?

I suddenly shoved myself away from Reiner, who looked confused, concerned, and a little hurt.

“Sorry,” I rushed to say, having to really raise my voice to be heard now that there were a couple of feet between us. “I just—Levi—” I started to say.

“What?” Reiner upped his volume as well, his deep voice booming. “Wait, did you say Levi?” Reiner questioned, looking surprised now. “Is something really going on between you two?” I had forgotten that Reiner joined us after Levi went to piss or shit or whatever he had to do.

“Uh, yeah,” I said a bit sheepishly, motioning for us to get off the dance floor as I continued, unsure of if he even heard me. I plucked at the neck of my sweater, trying to cool myself off. “We’re, uh, sort of dating. No, I mean we are dating. He’s my boyfriend.” You would think I’d be able to say that without tripping over my words by now, but no.

Reiner’s eyes were wide. “Wow, that’s great, Eren,” he said, though I did not miss the subtle undertone of bitterness. I looked at him sympathetically.

“Hey, why don’t you go find Bertolt and ask him to dance now? I won’t pretend I know what’s going through his head, but I know he cares for you a lot, Reiner. The whole group can see it. Just talk to him. Worst case, it’s a little awkward for a while. You won’t lose him,” I assured, truly believing my words.

Reiner heaved a sigh. “Fuck, I hope you’re right.” He shook his head, then lifted it to scan the crowd. It wasn’t too difficult to spot Bertolt, given his height. “Here’s to nothing,” he muttered, giving me a half-smile before sauntering off, skirting around a few tables and groups of people as he made his way to Bert. I looked around myself to see if I could find Levi, but that was a much more challenging task. I started wandering back over to where I had last seen Armin. He wasn’t where I had left him, but he was back with Sasha and Connie not ten feet from where they were before. Levi wasn’t with them.

I saddled up next to my best friend, leaning over to speak to him. “You seen Levi?” I asked.

“Not since he went to the restroom,” he responded. “Has he not come back yet?” Armin pulled back his shirtsleeve, looking at his watch. His azure eyes wavered with concern. “This is a long time, even for him.”

“How long?” I was concerned myself now.

“Twenty minutes,” he answered.

“I’m going to go check the bathroom; see if he’s alright,” I informed him, not waiting for him to reply before moving through the crowd toward the corner the bathrooms were in.

I turned down the hallway, only to jump in surprise and immediately bounce back to pin myself against the adjacent wall. I could hear blood pounding in my ears. I had found Levi, but I had not been expecting the sight that greeted me. As I rounded the corner, the first thing to meet my eyes was the sight of Levi, ever stoic and put-together Levi, gripping the doorway with his head pressed to his forearm. That alone had caused me to worry, but it was not what made me retreat.

It was the vision of Levi’s face, contorted with the most emotion I’d ever seen him express. I knew instantly I had intruded on something. A private something he didn’t want me to see. I knew that look, that position. I’d been in that place many times before, back when I was still trying to get over Jean. Levi was the picture of a person trying to collect himself. I needed to get out of here before he discovered me. Though my stomach was sickened, I knew that whatever had caused him to do that was not something I could help with. Though he’d claimed at Christmas he was trying to let me in, I knew I was still a long, long way from having his full trust. He didn’t want to be vulnerable around me yet, and that was okay. I got it. Who the hell _ever_ wants to look vulnerable? Especially in front of someone you just started dating?

Still, I couldn’t get rid of that little pinprick of hurt. The jibe of the voice in the back of my head saying _he’s hiding himself from you_. I shook my head like I could physically make the thought fly off and quickly made my way back to the main crowd; to people who could distract me from the image haunting my eyelids every time I blinked.

Armin saw me coming, Levi-less, and broke off from the group to meet me halfway. “Did you find him?”

I swallowed. I tried hard to compose my voice. I didn’t trust it. “Yeah.”

The worry pinching Armin’s face went up a notch. “Is he sick?” he asked.

 _Sick?_ Now that hadn’t occurred to me for some stupid reason—probably because I was firmly in the zone of 'buzzed' by this point. I had made assumptions without weighing the alternatives. Fuck, I didn’t even realize there _were_ alternatives. I was about to whirl around and go back for him when he magically appeared by my side.

“Levi!” I impulsively shouted in response to his sudden appearance. I looked him over carefully. He seemed totally fine now. Well, except for the slight sway that gave away how much what he had consumed was affecting him… _fuck, what time is it?_

“11:36,” Levi answered.

I stared at him blankly.

“What?”

“It’s 11:3—” he glanced at his wrist again, “6. Still 6. Almost 7. Fuck, people are disgusting,” he said, looking over at the swell of the dance floor.

I decided to not comment on that.

“Eren,” Levi drew my eyes back to him. He took a few steps closer, hovering by my left ear. He reached up to wind his fingers in the collar of my sweater, tugging me down to his level. “I really enjoyed what we did earlier. It was fucking _good_.” His voice was airy and drizzled like honey down my ear canals. It was also surprisingly only a touch slurred. I took an involuntary intake of breath and stumbled backwards when he released me, my cheeks undoubtedly flaming crimson.

“Levi,” I hissed. He had the widest smirk I’d possibly ever seen on his face. His piercing eyes seemed a little clouded. _Well, I did say I wanted to see Levi drunk…_ I figured I should slow down, though. We had under a half-hour to midnight and I really didn’t want to have to pay for a cab tonight.

“Hey,” I was abruptly being jerked down again, and this time the only reason I didn’t fall over was because I was able to latch onto Levi’s shoulders in order to steady myself. “Eyes on me, brat.”

A slender hand wrapped around the back of my head and dragged me down, forceful, but controlled. Had anyone else been in charge of that motion, even sober, I was sure our teeth would have ended up clanking. But instead all I felt were soft, passionate lips, gently massaging mine, nipping teeth, and teasing tongue. It was making me hot as hell and if I were not 500% sure the only reason this public display of affection was happening was because he had approximately five shots in his system, I would have been all over him. Though I liked this version of Levi, I couldn’t take advantage of him in good conscience. I gently gripped him by the shoulders and put some distance between us. Instantly he was wiping his hand over his mouth, his nose wrinkling.

“Gross.”

Yep, still Levi.

“YEAGER you bastard, I _knew_ you were fucking lying to me!”

I heard the angry yell clearly above all the noise of the bar and my temper flared instantly. I whirled to Jean’s angry mien right in front of me.

“What did I _fucking_ lie about _Jean_?” I automatically raised my voice to shout right back. I felt a pang in my chest, part of me remembering when it wasn’t like this, the days when every encounter we had wasn’t a screaming match. Before Jean got his panties in a twist over Levi, we were doing a fairly decent job of being civil. Even Thanksgiving hadn’t been _that_ bad by the end of the night. But in this moment, it was like all that progress we had made in the last few months had just been an illusion and we were back to pointing enraged fingers and verbal abuse.

“Levi! I fucking _knew_ you were with him!” His face grew a deep shade of red as he raged.

“Jean,” I cried, “this literally _just_ happened before Christmas. I haven’t lied about anything! We _were_ just friends the last time I saw you. If you want to call someone a lying bastard, just go look in a mirror,” I spat bitterly.

Pain flashed in Jean’s eyes before it was consumed by fury and he took a step closer, his face so near that, had this been another time, I would have closed the small gap to kiss him. “Fuck you, Eren,” he finally lowered his voice. It sounded broken and raw.

Hearing my first name, my eyes widened in shock. I was caught so off-guard that my thoughts merely halted. But then the moment passed and the anger was back and _what the fuck is he still doing in my face?!_ I made to shove him away, but before I could even fully lift my arms, a strong hand wrapped around my left bicep and _yanked_. It made me lose my balance and I barely managed to stumble a few steps away before another jerked my face forward, a claiming kiss being placed roughly on my lips. I instinctively fought the hold, but just as quickly as the fingers had tugged me down, they pushed me back, and I found myself face-to-face with a glassy-eyed Levi once again.

I openly gaped at him for nearly a minute before I slowly turned my head to where I’d last known Jean to be, rather surprised when I found him still standing there, equally as shell-shocked. I looked back to Levi, who I was just now registering looked pretty damn pissed, then back over at Jean, who was slowly gaining control over his facial muscles again, and they were drawing into a dark scowl.

I turned from Jean and gave Levi my full attention, searching his eyes for signs that he was really seeing me right now, really listening. “Levi,” I said as calmly as I could, my ragged breathing betraying just how worked up I was, “I need to talk to Jean for a minute. Outside. Will you wait here for me for a few?” I didn’t really intend for him to stay _right there_ , but I just didn’t want him to think I was ditching him for Jean. Levi was really important to me, and he was obviously upset by my quarrel with Jean, but Jean was important to me, too. I wanted to try and clear things up between us. The way things were now was toxic, and if I didn’t do something about it, I knew it would eventually poison my current relationship, too.

“Don’t be long, Eren.” There was something beyond the haze in his eyes, something that made my chest ache, but I could not give it a name.

“I’ll be right back,” I promised.

Levi considered me carefully, his hazy eyes clearing a bit with the focus of his study before he gave a short nod. I impulsively leaned down to plant a quick kiss on his drawn lips and gave his arm a light squeeze before grabbing Jean’s shoulder in the vice of my hand and practically dragging his squirming ass to the outside doors, where I oh-so-kindly opened one and ushered him out into the cold. As soon as I’d gotten us a few good feet away from the entrance, I rounded on him. Bastard wouldn’t even look me in the eyes.

“Jean,” I started—but I didn’t get very far.

“Wait,” Jean interrupted me, a pleading note in his voice. I bore my emerald eyes into his amber ones, which were still just a little short of meeting mine. “Wait,” he repeated with a huff of breath, despite the fact I already was, albeit impatiently.

“Listen, Yeager,” his eyes timidly wandered over to mine, a display that didn’t suit him at all. “I know I was out of line. I just…” he inhaled deeply and let out a frustrated breath, creating tiny crystals in the air. “I don’t even know! It’s just obvious that there is something between you, and it doesn’t look like it just started, but if you say so…” He trailed off and I thought he was done, but then he perked up and continued with renewed vigor. “He just pisses me off! He was always an ass to everyone, including you, and I don’t… I hate…” Jean’s face was contorting in unflattering ways as he groped for words. His eyes snapped to mine and held them firmly for the first time since I dragged him outside. “You deserve better.”

My body gave an involuntary flinch and watched Jean for a long moment. “Like you, Jean?” I finally asked softly.

I caught hurt and shame mixed in Jean’s eyes before he quickly lowered them from mine again.

“No,” he said in just as hushed a voice. “You deserve far better than me, too.” He paced a few feet away from me and plopped himself down on a bench set in the concrete. He looked defeated.

I looked on Jean with sad eyes. I would be lying if I said my heart didn’t ache from time to time. He was the first person I ever really loved, and sometimes I doubted the wound of having that love destroyed would ever fully heal. Still, I had moved on, and even though certain things like a shared glance we didn’t really mean to have over an inside joke we both probably should have forgotten, or a whiff of the cologne I had bought for him our first Christmas together and I sometimes still noticed Jean wearing when he got too close still sent a pang through my heart, I no longer _wanted_ Jean. Jean was funny and bold and, for all my insistence on calling him Horseface now, _attractive_. But he was also a Grade A Asshole, and not in a way that seemed endearing, like it somehow did with Levi. Levi was a blunt person, but he would never mock someone for their beliefs the way Jean would. Levi was rude, but he was respectful of important things, and seemed to know where to draw the line. Jean didn’t.

For all his insistence on being straightforward and honest, Jean had lied to me a lot.

I couldn’t completely blame him for those lies. He hadn’t meant to lie to me. He just lied to himself a lot, which amounted to lying to me. One of the things I had fallen in love with was how when Jean invested himself in something, he did so with all his heart. When he really wanted to, he could pull off incredible things. But Jean frequently changed his mind on those things, be it dreams, goals, or ideals.

Or feelings.

That was what had really gotten us into trouble. I could handle it when Jean decided he wanted to pursue a different career or even when he completely reversed his stance on some political issue. What I couldn’t take was Jean being certain he wanted to spend his life with me one month, to not wanting to make any promises the next.

Of course, it hadn’t always been that way. Jean and I had danced around each other for a long time. We’d been friends since high school and it started out as a teasing text message here or there that had been innocent enough to begin with. Over time our exchanges became raunchier and much less joking. We often had our friends begging us to get a room when we did this while live-chatting as we played videogames.

Still, even after we graduated college and came back to our hometown, it took us a solid year before one night, and maybe one drink too many, we _did_ find a room and the rest just kind of fell into place. Neither one of us questioned if we were in a relationship or not after that. Nor did anyone else. It had been a long time coming, and if it wasn’t clear before that night, it was definitely clear afterwards that things ran deeper than they should if we were just going to be fuck buddies.

“Hey, Eren.” Jean’s voice broke me out of my reverie. “Do you remember the fight we had at Thanksgiving?”

I couldn’t stop the sarcasm that oozed from my voice as I answered, “How could I forget?”

He sighed, looking unsure of himself. It unsettled me. Jean was a very self-assured and confident guy, most of the time. Any time I saw that shaken it bothered me, even now. “What I was going to say back then…” he started, still seeming unsure of if he wanted to proceed, “The way you look at him…” He fell silent again and kept his face trained forward, refusing to meet my eyes.

“Yeah?” I finally prompted him. I remembered that part of the argument clearly. It was what had ended it, even though I had no fucking clue why. It was about time I got an answer.

He let out another breath. “What I was going to say was the way you look at him is… the way you used to look at me.” Jean turned his gaze into mine at that moment, and suddenly I understood. Everything made sense, and for someone I had once known so well, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it sooner. All the leftover bitterness and resentment had left my judgment clouded, but now it was obvious. All the biting comments thrown at Levi and me, all the times I caught him looking at me, all the times he would suddenly back me up or offer to lend a hand.

Jean was jealous.

_Jean still has feelings._

The realization hit me hard, and I just sat there, frozen in place. Jean was my first love. I’d dated other people before, had a few one-night stands, but he was my first real relationship after coming out. I had fallen hard for him, and I had thought for a long time that he would be the person I spent my life with.

When we broke up, I was devastated. I had been so caught up in Jean that I hadn’t given sufficient thought to who I was without him. After our break up I lost it for a while. Did some stupid shit I hadn’t done since I was a teenager. That was how I ended up getting fired. I’d stayed up late crying and drinking and was still mildly intoxicated when I went into work. Then a coworker made the mistake of making a jibe at my mother and I socked him, right in front of my boss. I didn’t tell any of my friends what had happened. I didn’t want them to know just how bad off I was. The only people who knew the truth were Keith and Petra, because they had wanted to know why I was fired from my last job when I interviewed with them, and I knew I was a shit liar. They had been surprisingly understanding, even though Keith made sure it was terrifyingly clear that such a thing would not be happening again, at least not while I was with Trost. I was just grateful they were willing to consider me at all. Offering me the job after that was, I thought, more than generous. Apparently they had appreciated my honesty. And it wasn’t like I was really a threat at that point anyway. A few months had passed. I still thought about Jean a lot; I was still kind of sad, but I finally had the distance I needed from the relationship to see how bad it had gotten. That feeling only became stronger the more time passed.

And now I was really okay that we had ended. I still had a soft spot for him, I was glad we could talk as friends (or something like friends) again, but I didn’t want him.

Suddenly Jean’s words hit me in an entirely different way. _I look at Levi like I…_ I was honestly afraid to finish that thought. It was too much too soon. I knew my feelings were strong. As in, I was really attracted to him both physically and as a person, and I knew that feeling seemed to strengthen every time I saw him, but… did I really look at him like _that?_

I finally remembered Jean was still standing next to me and turned my attention back to him. “You… still have feelings, don’t you?” I asked.

Jean was refusing to look at me again, his hands clenching into fists on his thighs. “I’m… not trying to get back with you, you know.” He said softly. “I know I fucked us up. And I… I’m sorry.” Even though they weren’t turned towards me, I could see the pain in his eyes; hear it in his voice. “The truth is I hate that I disappointed you. I’m disappointed in myself.”

“Jean—” I tried to cut in.

He turned to me then, his face set with determination. “No, Eren,” he called me by my first name calmly for once, more like he did in times past. “Let me say this. It’s true, I’m kind of jealous of that shrimp, but I’ve watched you when you’re with him. I think he’s good for you, in a way I never was. You smile more.” A small, though rather wistful smile of his own turned up his lips. “And you’re not the only one giving that look.”

I couldn’t respond to that. I just couldn’t. I was struck speechless. Jean. _Jean_ of all people was telling me he actually approved of Levi. Even though he still had feelings. _And that Levi looks at me like…_ I still couldn’t bring myself to even think the word. Did he really? I was looking into his eyes all the time. They were affectionate and intense, sure, but were his looks conveying more than I had seen?

“Thanks,” I finally muttered after the silence stretched on for longer than I could bear. It was an awkward response, but what else was I supposed to say to that? I just couldn’t take the quiet anymore.

Fortunately it seemed Jean was on the same page with that. He pushed himself up. “I should probably go… Thanks for dragging my ass out here, Eren.” Hearing his voice say my name again was weird. Ever since we broke up it had been ‘Yeager.’ It was kind of nice to hear it again.

“Yeah.” I said. “Sorry, Jean.” I wasn’t exactly sure what I was apologizing for. Maybe for being just as much of an ass to him as he was to me. Maybe for moving on. Maybe because I didn’t have anything better to say.

“What are you apologizing for, Yeager?” he reverted back to my last name, but there was a fondness in the way he said it that usually wasn’t there. “Don’t think this means you’re getting rid of me. I want a front row seat when you inevitably fall on your face from staring at the guy too hard.” _And I’m back to wanting to slap that smirk off his face._

“Fuck off, Shadowfax.” For once, Jean didn’t grimace, but barked out a laugh.

“Same to you, Yeager. I’ll see you around.” He gave a wave to me before walking off. I watched his retreating back for a while and only vaguely wondered where he was going to go now, since all of his friends were here, but I tried not to worry about it. Despite all his flaws, he had a pretty good head on his shoulders. He could take care of himself.

I stood there for a minute longer, letting some of what had just occurred process before heading back into the cacophony that was Hanji’s party. We had to be close to midnight now. I should really get back inside. A bone-rattling shiver was the final push to get me back in the doors.

I didn’t get much farther, though, because Ymir and Krista were right there.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Ymir asked in an unusual display of concern for someone other than Krista.

I gave her a wistful kind of smile. “Yeah, I think it is now,” I said. Ymir nodded once and then her face twisted into something wicked.

“I saw you gettin’ some with Shorty over there. I knew you had it in you, Yeager.” She punched my shoulder with far too much force to be ‘friendly,’ but Ymir was a special kind of friend.

“Yeah, well, we got together just before Christmas and he’s drunk. He normally doesn’t seem too fond of a lot of public affection,” I informed her, glancing through the crowd for a sign of him. It was useless. The throng was too thick.

“You should get him drunk more often. You might actually get laid,” she sneered.

Krista lightly slapped her partner, “Ymir, play nice!”

A wide smile crept over my face and I didn’t even try to contain the smugness of it. So we hadn’t actually had sex. _I still worked his penis like a damn instrument,_ my emboldened mind thought. And I felt pretty entitled to my self-satisfaction after Levi’s little display before I stepped out.

Ymir’s eyebrows rose a little, looking impressed. “You shit!” she cried, punching me again, even harder than the first time. I winced. “You’re together for two weeks and already you’re at it? Damn. Do you have an exit plan for when Mikasa finds out?” she questioned mockingly. Unfortunately for her, she was just striking out on her attempts to get under my skin tonight.

“Actually, she already knows,” I said, a small, fond, smile finding my lips. “Took it pretty well.” Now both Ymir and Krista looked well and truly shocked.

“It surprised me, too. But they have some sort of agreement? I wasn’t really there when it happened, but they seem okay. Mikasa’s been way more understanding than I ever expected her to be. It’s really nice,” I finished softly. I didn’t think they could hear the last part over the clamor.

“I’m happy for you, Eren,” Krista spoke up. “ _You_ look happy.”

“I am,” I responded automatically.

“Hey, Yeager,” I refocused on Ymir and she jerked her chin and flicked her dark eyes to something behind me. “Your midget’s looking for you.”

I circled to face behind me, and sure enough, Levi was a little farther off, face pinched and corners of his lips turned down. For the amount of liquor in his system, he was surprisingly steady, though.

I looked back to Krista and Ymir, who were turned into one another and holding hands now.

“I’ll see you guys later,” I said as a way of dismissing myself.

“Or not,” Ymir called as I began to move away. I rolled my eyes. Ymir really liked to be difficult, but I was sure she cared about the rest of us who weren’t Krista somewhere, deep, deep, very far down inside. Maybe.

“Levi!” I shouted out as I attempted to worm my way about staggering, flailing, bodies, calling said man’s attention to my location.

As soon as his eyes locked with mine, a flicker of relief passed over his face. His eyes bore into mine as we both tried to reach one another. It was like being smothered by a cold burn, but I couldn’t look away.

 _‘You’re not the only one giving that look_.’

I closed my eyes and shook my head, not wanting to think about that right now. That was too much to wrap my brain around. I just wanted to enjoy this moment with Levi. A cool hand cupped my cheek.

“You okay, brat?” Levi’s gaze was searching, and oddly unguarded. I had the most surreal sense of looking at Levi, but not the Levi I knew. It was that thing that had been off about him all night. It had been that moment of weakness in the doorframe of the bathroom. The front that he usually hid behind was weak tonight. It unsettled me, but it was a little thrilling, too. Knowing Levi was more vulnerable than usual felt risky, but I couldn’t quell the thought, the swell of pride and excitement at _he’s letting me in_. He was allowing me this. Either that, or he was truly slipping, but the romantic in me liked the idea of him opening up.

“It’s almost midnight, you shit.” He didn’t add it on afterwards, but I heard the unspoken, ‘ _I was worried about you,’_ anyway.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed out, pulling him into my arms, just because I could. “How much time left?” Levi didn’t try to push me off, but wriggled until he could take another peek at his watch.

“Three minutes,” he stated.

“Mm,” I hummed in acknowledgement, nuzzling my face into his hair. It smelled a little like mint.

“Aw!” A shrill voice suddenly screeched. “Levi! Eren! There you guys are! Where is my phone?!” I pulled my nose out of Levi’s silky hair to frown at Hanji for ruining our moment. Levi, too, snuck a peek from where his face had been buried in my shoulder, and promptly removed the hand he had snaked around my waist to flip her off. A flare of light made my vision white out and it took several blinks to correct it.

“Got it,” I heard a deep voice proclaim. Erwin was standing over Hanji’s shoulder, phone in hand, incriminating him as the one who took the picture. “You gave your phone to me, remember?” Erwin handed Hanji the device back.

“Traitor,” Levi suddenly hissed, pulling himself away from me, looking like he desired to light Erwin on fire with his eyes.

“My apologies, Levi,” he stepped forward so he wasn’t half obscured by Hanji anymore. “But I’m with her on this one; it was too cute to pass up.”

“Don’t make me start out the New Year with murder, you ass,” Levi threatened.

“I won’t make you do anything, Levi. You make your own choices,” Erwin sounded so parental. For some reason that pissed me off. Like Levi wasn’t on equal footing with him or something. I really didn’t need to get pissed for Levi, though. He was more than capable of doing that for himself.

“Fuck off, Commander. I don’t need a damn life lesson from you,” Levi spat. I raised an eyebrow at the name. Erwin took it in stride, chuckling.

“Boys!” Hanji cried. “Stop arguing! It’s almost time!”

Before I knew what was happening something was being forced onto my head, and then she moved on to Levi. Hanji had dropped a couple of cheap necklaces over Levi’s head. I reached up to feel what she had put on mine and discovered a headband of some sort with holey paper attached. I was going to take a wild guess and say it read ‘Happy New Year.”

“Perfect!” she exclaimed, throwing one last necklace around Moblit, who had materialized out of the swarm of people around us. “Now if I just…” She tapped her phone and unlocked it, revealing a timer counting down to the New Year. 22 seconds were left.

“GET READY EVERYONE!” Hanji boomed, the people in the immediate vicinity taking note of what she said before turning to their neighbors, passing the news along.

I felt a hard flick to my arm. Levi was looking at me expectantly. He yanked me down a few inches so he could speak in my ear. “Listen up, brat. Normally I don’t say shit like this, but I’m feeling generous tonight.” I felt my insides seize up in anticipation of what he might be about to say. His lips were so close to my ear, ghosting over the cartilage. “Eren.” A shudder ran down my spine. “Celebrating the New Year is usually really shitty.” He paused. “But it is considerably less shitty when I have a brat like you to share it with.” He withdrew and pierced me with the blue-grey of his eyes. He raised his voice a little so I would still hear him, “I mean it.”

Warmth built within me as I metabolized those words and they touched every part of my body. It suddenly was a lot more difficult to breathe and my chest felt tight, but it was oddly pleasant. What Levi had just told me meant so much; I had absolutely no words. I just felt warm. Warm and light and _excited_.

“TEN!” Hanji roared, beginning the countdown.

Levi pressed a tender kiss to my cheek, like he was sealing his words with a promise and everyone in the bar joined in the countdown, but we remained in a world all our own. I straightened up and locked eyes with him, and found so much emotion blooming there I struggled to stay engaged with him, instinctually wanting to grant him privacy. But he was offering this, and I was determined to drink it in, to unveil my own feelings in return.

 _‘You’re not the only one giving that look_.’

 At ‘three,’ he grasped my chin, tugging me down again.

At ‘two’ his lips were already pressed to mine.

At ‘one’ I kissed back.

When people cried ‘Happy New Year!’ I was already oblivious to everything except what I held in my arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... a lot happened, eh?
> 
> Hopefully this sort of makes up for taking forever?
> 
> Also, I just wanted to note that I actually really like Nile. Levi just doesn't see eye-to-eye very often with him, which is why he doesn't like him. He's not that bad of a guy. But he does like to ruffle Levi a little.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi is still tipsy and Eren has to make some difficult choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HALT!  
> PLEASE READ
> 
> If you have not seen it already, I have posted a NEW LEVI ASIDE: [ Sometimes You Question Yourself.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2039289)
> 
> You do not need to read this to keep reading STTOFTB, but it will enhance the story, seeing as it's Levi's POV for chapters 15/16 of this story.
> 
> I apologize for taking so long to get this chapter out, which is the shortest one I've written in a while, but the aside is over 13k words, so hopefully that makes up for it?
> 
> I also want to give a shoutout to [ Mysecretfanmoments ](http://mysecretfanmoments.tumblr.com) and [ Kaworu ](http://kaw0ru.tumblr.com) (especially) for both being unofficial betas for STTOFTB. And thank you to everyone else who catches the occasional typo as well! You've all saved me from a lot of future embarrassment.
> 
> THANK YOU to all of you who continue to read the story and give it attention. Every hit, kudo, bookmark, subscription, and comment is deeply appreciated.
> 
> Enjoy?

It was getting close to 2 AM when we finally started considering leaving. After midnight, I took to water, while Levi kept drinking, though he had started ordering fruity cocktails. Hanji informed me that he really loved them, but only _after_ he was drunk. That didn’t make a lot of sense to me, but it seemed to be true whatever logic was absent.

In fact, all reason seemed to have been abandoned because after his seventh drink, Levi seemed disturbingly _normal_. At least until we got in the car. Armin and Marco had come in Marco’s car, so even though I felt pretty sober, I let Armin drive my car back to our apartment since he had only had one drink the whole night. I was incredibly glad I had convinced Levi to let me drive us in my Subaru instead of taking his Porsche.

Not wanting him to be alone in the back in case he had to vomit, I slid in next to Levi. Within seconds of starting the car, Levi’s hand was resting on my crotch. Not groping, not stroking, _resting._ Like my dick was a damn armrest. How the fuck was I supposed to respond to that? Was this some form of affection? Was it an invitation? The only thing I could really determine was that it was awkward. Especially when he fell asleep and left me to try not to squirm against the _barely there_ touch. I liked teasing, but this was not teasing. It was torture.

By the time Armin pulled in, Levi was still in a light doze on my shoulder in the back seat. I gently shook him awake.

“Hey,” I murmured to him.

“Mm,” he groaned. He looked a little sick.

“How are you feeling?”

“Hrn,” he grunted out.

“Yeah, well that’s to be expected when an old man like you decides to get wasted,” I said rather unsympathetically.

Levi’s voice was heavily slurred. “Old men get to do whatever the fuck they want. Shut up—” Levi cut himself off abruptly and pressed his lips into a thin line. Enough talk for now.

“Can you make it to the house?” I asked softly, like I was talking to a child. Armin had already gotten out of the car and unlocked our door.

Levi was silent for a few moments, his eyes closed tightly. He started to breathe more regularly again. “I-I think I’ll be alright. But move it, brat.”

“Yes, Sir.” Even when he wasn’t feeling well, I couldn’t resist being a little cheeky.

Levi ‘tsked’ and shoved me away from him, walking surprisingly steady and confidently up the steps and through the doorway. I followed after him, a little concerned, but whatever nausea Levi had been battling in the car seemed to be gone for now.

“Where am I fucking sleeping, brat?” His usually crisp diction was noticeably absent, replace by mumbling that I personally thought was kind of cute.  He sounded like a sleepy three-year-old. “I’m not doing it in that pigsty of yours.”

My mouth went dry. It took me a moment to realize that ‘doing it’ referred to the sleeping of the non-sexual kind he had just mentioned. I hoped. I needed to get my tired brain back in gear.

“Fuck.” I raised a hand, rubbing at my eyes. Immediately a hand closed around my wrist and yanked it back. I blinked blearily at my partner. “What?”

“Don’t put your filthy hand near your eyes, dumbass,” he chastised.

“Sorry, Levi,” I sighed, exhaustion rapidly taking over my body and mind now that we were home. I internally groaned at what I was about to offer. “If I changed the sheets, will you sleep in my bed?”

“Are you going to shower first?” he demanded.

“No, I wasn’t plann—”

“I am not sleeping in the same bed as you if you don’t wash up first. Fucking disgusting.” His nose wrinkled.

I almost lifted my hand to my face again, but then realized I couldn’t because Levi was still holding it. I guessed this was part of being with Levi, too. I suppressed a groan. _Okay, I can do this._

“Do what?”

“Shit. Ignore me. I’ll go change the sheets and take a shower. You probably want to use the downstairs bathroom ‘cause it’s cleaner, right?”

“You know me well, brat.” He leaned his head on my shoulder and I was sure my heart started dripping onto my liver.

“We should have enough hot water available this late to shower at the same time. Are you going to be okay by yourself? There’s a bar in there you can hold onto if you feel dizzy. Maybe I should stay outside just in case?” I’d never had a drunk person want to shower before so I wasn’t 100% sure of the protocol, but it didn’t seem like a fantastic idea.

“Stop trying to fucking mother me, brat, I’ll be fine. I’ve done this loads of times. I won’t fall.” He sounded pretty sure of himself.

“Okay…” I reluctantly agreed, silently planning to take the fastest shower of my life.

“You’d better not rush and miss a spot,” he raised his head to glare into my eyes. I was too weary to fight him on it.

“Fine,” I relented and his eyes instantly softened, finally letting go of my wrist and instead lifting his hand to dip his fingers past the neck of my shirt to brush my collarbones. My muscles tensed and I decided now was a good time to change those sheets. I gently pushed him back. “I’ll get the bed ready. You can go ahead. There are towels in the bottom left cabinet. Extra toothbrushes and stuff in the drawer above it. I’ll get you something to sleep in.” Levi wordlessly nodded and turned on his heel, but the motion unsteadied him. I moved to help, but he automatically swiped my hand away, muttering something that I thought sounded like, ‘I’m fine,’ and stalking towards the bathroom without swaying an inch.

The man was an enigma.

As soon as the door clicked shut, I hurried up the stairs, going to the closet in between my room and Armin’s to grab a fresh set of sheets and going about the arduous task of exchanging them with the ones on the bed. It wasn’t perfect, but it was probably 2:30 in the morning right now and I just wanted to fucking _sleep_. I picked up some of the clothes strewn around my room and tossed them in my hamper, even though half of them were probably still clean, and then tossed a few empty cans on the nightstand in the recycling. That would have to be good enough. Hopefully. I leaned over on my desk chair and closed my eyes for a moment, my eyelids dropping heavily. _Damn it_. I dredged up the considerable effort it took to raise my torso and tried to work some energy into my muscles so I could hurry to the bathroom to take the least wanted shower of my life and make sure my boyfriend wasn’t passed out downstairs.

Despite being sleepy and, as a result, grumpy, I really did try to be thorough, even as I rushed. The shower _did_ feel pretty good after being trapped in a humid sweaty box for hours. I guessed I couldn’t blame Levi for wanting to clean up after that.  It _was_ kind of gross. I turned off the showerhead and shook out my hair before grabbing the towel draped over the top and proceeding to dry myself off. Droplets of water fell into my eyes and I scrubbed at them before rubbing the towel over my head. My hair was getting too long. I would need to get it cut this week.

The rest of my preparations I completed in record time. I even went the extra mile of using a little mouthwash before going back to my room to snatch the promised clothes. I moved down the stairs as quickly and quietly as I could. Armin was likely asleep by now, and I would feel bad if I woke him up.

I got down there just as Levi was cracking the door open, probably wondering where the fuck I was. I stopped a good five feet short of the door, just a little out of arm’s reach, mouth and throat bone dry as I absorbed Levi’s _ripped_ torso.

_What. the. fuck._

My brain could not process what I was seeing, but my body was having no problem operating on its own. _Oh, fuck._ Not _the time to pop a boner. Stop it, stop it, stop it._ I felt like I did at 17. All raging hormones and denial that I was staring at Jean’s ass and thighs hard in the locker room after basketball. Only there was no room for denial here. I was just _confused_ as to how Levi was hiding _that_ underneath his clothing. I knew he worked out and he didn’t look scrawny by any means, but he was like a fucking Greek statue. Actually, he was more sculpted.

Before I could pick my jaw off the floor and get my feet moving again, Levi opened the door a little wider and stretched the extra two or so feet to grab the clothing from my limp hand, quietly shutting the door in my face.

It was only after he was gone that I registered the subtle smirk that adorned his lips as he cut off my view. _Damn._

I closed my eyes, trying to halt the pulsing in my groin. I had not anticipated that. But now was not the time for getting off with or without Levi. I was tired. I needed to remember I was tired. And Levi was tired. Yeah, we were both tired.

I finally managed to get my feet to move and I slowly made my way back to my room. Levi was taking too long and I really didn’t know what I’d do if I was still standing there when he opened the door again. I needed to get in bed and pretend to sleep. I needed to get a hold of myself. I was uncertain that I would actually be able to control myself in the same bed as him. I now had the image of damp skin stretched taut over sharply defined muscles and untidy hair that made him look so fuckable it was paining me. I crawled in under my covers and tried my best to imagine unpalatable things like slimy balls of human remains, but no matter how hard I tried to focus on such things, my mind kept bouncing back to how badly I wanted to wrap my legs around Levi and have him fuck me hard. _Shit. Fuck. Slow. We’re doing slow._ Stop _it._

I was so busy berating myself that I didn’t notice Levi had slunk into the room until he slipped under the covers and settled down next to me, closer than we had been at his house. My heartbeat was throbbing in my ears. Levi shifted a few inches closer, and now I could feel his body heat against my back. I bit my lip, fighting the desire to flip over and pin him down. I desperately wished for him to fall asleep quickly so I could slip away, either to sleep on the couch or to jack off. Maybe I’d have to do both.

My grip over my impulses slipped further as Levi’s fingers began trailing over the slope of my shoulder and down my arm, making my skin break out in goose bumps. I felt the tips of his hair tickle my neck, making me shiver.

“Eren,” he called softly.

_Oh, fuck._

Whatever minor success I’d had in reducing my erection was promptly lost.

A gentle kiss was placed behind my ear.

This was a dream, right? Just another one of my sex dreams featuring Levi. This couldn’t actually be happening.

“Eren.” This time his voice was a little harsher, a little more commanding. He punctuated the words with a nip to the shell of my ear, and a strangled whine was wrested out of my throat.

His tickling fingers were now moving over my hip and down my leg. I squirmed a little, resulting in our bodies pressing together more firmly, and then I knew the situation was hopeless.

Levi was poking my back, and not with his fingers.

“Levi…” My voice was shaky as I tried to move away from him, but he wasn’t going to let me get away so easily. The arm that had been resting on my hip a moment ago was now wrapped around my waist, bringing us still closer. I was painfully aware of where Levi was pressed against me now. Especially the gently twitching line of heat pressed against my ass.

I wanted him so fucking badly. My own cock was standing at attention and my balls were heavy, but something was nagging at me, and as much as I wanted to ignore that piece of my mind, I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be right.

“Levi,” I tried again, the word still breathy. “You’re drunk,” I stated.

“So?” He pressed his mouth to my neck again, tugging on the skin with his lips. I shivered and fought to turn around in his hold so I could use my arms to push him back.

That was a mistake.

As soon as his eyes were looking into mine, I felt myself go boneless, run over by the dazed desire dancing in Levi’s icy irises. My lips opened to speak words that were no longer there, and Levi instantly surged forward to kiss them. I groaned low in my throat as he nudged his hips against mine, and my eyes snapped open. I hadn’t even been aware of them falling shut.

“Levi, stop,” I finally mustered some backbone to support the words, though they were muffled by the insistent press of Levi’s mouth on mine. I feared my words would go unheeded in Levi’s inebriated state, but my worries were unfounded. He withdrew from my face and peered into my eyes again, genuine concern shining past the hazy lust. I swallowed hard and looked away. I couldn’t possibly think with anything other than my body with him looking at me like that. I needed to clear my mind.

“I…” _Fuck_ , it was hard to say this. “I can’t do this Levi.”

A soft but sharp intake of air followed my words, and I instinctually followed the sound to Levi’s face, catching the crack in his mask before he quickly resealed it. The brief glimpse of pain gripped my heart with panic. He was misunderstanding.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” I quickly clarified. “Believe me; it’s so incredibly difficult to turn you down like this,” I groaned, burying my face in his shoulder and praying he wouldn’t shove me away.

I could almost hear the crease between his eyes deepen. “Then why are you?” he finally asked, his words still contorted by alcohol.

“You’re not in your right mind right now.” A sliver of frustration put an edge on my words.

Levi scoffed, tender fingers once again dancing atop the bare skin of my arm, dipping underneath the short sleeve to press against the smoothness of my shoulder. “Stop being such a brat,” Levi’s tone was colored with irritation now as he descended on me once more, the tip of his nose tracing a line from the base of my throat to the bottom of my earlobe, breathing me in.

_This is fucking killing me._

I forced myself to place a hand on his chest, pushing, even as my hips ached to press my groin into contact with him “No.”

“Why the fuck not?” Levi pulled back and slurred angrily, dull blue eyes cutting into me.

“Because you’re drunk,” I sounded more resentful than I intended to.

“So?” he pressed with both his voice and body. I bit my lip. I couldn’t give into this.

“You can’t give consent when you’re drunk,” I stated calmly.

“What the fuck, Eren?” he spat, clearly frustrated. “You’re my fucking boyfriend. You don’t need my fucking consent. It’s not like I would ever press charges.”

I sighed wearily, feeling worn out from trying to convince him of something I didn’t even really want to be saying. “Yes, Levi, I do. Whether you would press charges or not isn’t the issue. I won’t do it; end of story. So if you can’t control yourself, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

I looked at him steadily throughout my little speech, but as soon as my lips sealed, I found my eyes unfocusedly staring in the direction of my closet. I was afraid of his response.

“Fine,” he said coldly. I closed my eyes. He turned away from me, muscles tense. I wanted to reach out to him, wanted to soothe him, but I knew that anything I could try would probably only make it worse. Especially with how turned on I was. I quietly gathered the things I needed to spend the night outside of my room at left without further words.

He still hadn’t moved when I shut the door.

I slowly dragged myself downstairs, arousal already flagging in the wake of the fight. Now, instead of images of tempting muscle, all I could see in my mind’s eye were flashes of hurt and anger on Levi’s face. It was a stupid fight, but that didn’t make it suck any less. My chest and balls were both beginning to ache, and a big part of me wanted to turn right around, beg for his forgiveness, and give him everything he was asking for.

But I couldn’t.

I knew Levi, and I knew he didn’t really want this. I mean, maybe part of him did, but after everything he had told me earlier in the day, I was sure he would regret it come morning. I would regret it. If I had gone along with him, I would be indulging in an act that would legally be rape. If I had been with him for a few months and we had done more than one fucking handjob, it might be different, but we had agreed to take things slow not even 12 hours ago. I could not betray his trust like that, even if he _was_ asking for it. I just hoped I had made the right choice.

I glumly settled myself on the couch, grabbing the fluffy blanket we always kept semi-folded over the back, and nestling into the cushions. They were soft, but cool and inanimate. Nowhere near the enjoyableness of Levi’s warm body fresh out of the shower. I sighed dejectedly. I was exhausted and depressed, but instead of drowsiness, I just felt restless. Minutes ticked by and though I was able to lull myself into a state that wasn’t fully conscious, sleep was elusive. I switched positions for the twentieth time that night, laying on my back and throwing an arm over my tired eyes.

“Eren.”

I jolted upright at the sudden disturbance of the silence that surrounded me, but even before I located the short figure in the darkness, I registered Levi’s low voice.

We just looked at each other for a few beats.

“Hey,” I offered softly, not knowing what else to say.

Levi’s outline was growing more defined as my eyes adjusted. He looked stiff.

“Sorry,” he said stiltedly.

I could hardly believe my ears.

“What?” I said, dumbfounded. Levi raised a hand to rub at his forehead.

“I said I fucked up, brat.” That wasn’t what he said at all, but I didn’t call him on it, letting him continue. “Look, I feel really shitty, where the fuck is your ibuprofen?”

He knew the answer to that, but I told him anyway. “Cupboard above the sink down here, just like it always is.” Levi didn’t stir an inch.

“Will you…” Levi halted, and I sensed his uncharacteristic hesitancy. He only took a moment before trying again. “Will you come back to bed?” he finally questioned.

His words bathed my body in relief. A heavy breath was pushed from my lungs, dispelling the tension wound tight in my muscles. I reached a hand out over the couch for him, and he only paused briefly before padding forward to wrap his fingers around mine.

“Are you sure?” I kept my volume hushed. I knew I was no longer in immediate danger of jumping his bones anymore, but I didn’t want to go back with him just to have another fight.

“Yeah, brat,” he responded just as softly. “I won’t… I am not shitfaced anymore.” He looked at me with hard eyes that were difficult to interpret for a moment before his features contorted in another grimace and he gripped his head again with the hand not encased in mine. “ _Fuck,_ ” he hissed out. My eyebrows drew together, expressing my concern.

“Go back to bed. I’ll get you the pills and some water, okay?”

Levi grunted in return, slipping his hand free of mine and rubbing at his temples as he made a wandering path back to the stairs. I watched just to make sure he’d get a good grip on the railing before going to retrieve the items I’d promised him.

When I slipped back into the room a few minutes later, Levi was laying on his back on the left side of the bed, vacant eyes trained on the dark ceiling. He waited until I was next to him to slowly push himself upright, wordlessly taking the bottle of pills and glass of water from my hands. He quickly popped the top off of the small bottle and tossed two in his mouth, helping them down with a mouthful of water. I crawled back into bed while he drank slowly from the glass until it was about half empty, setting it on the small table next to him when he was finished.

“Thanks, Eren,” he said as soon as he was settled again, surprising me.

I turned onto my side to look at him as he turned his face toward me, inky hair splayed around his head. I reached a hand out to touch a few strands, but stopped myself short, suddenly uncertain. Levi slowly let his eyes fall shut and sighed before I felt a cold hand grasp mine and guide me to his silky locks. I combed my fingers through a section and fiddled with the ends between the tips of them. Levi let his eyes fall shut again, and I felt mine grow heavy. The sick feeling that had filled my stomach was gone, and along with it, all the energy I had left in my body. I yawned. I wasn’t going to be able to stay awake much longer.

“Levi?” I kept my volume as soft as possible, just in case he had already slipped into slumber.

“Hm?” he grunted drowsily.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, drawing closer to him and wrapping an arm around his torso. He instinctively snuggled into the heat of my body, and a tender smile found its way onto my lips.

“Not your fault brat,” he muttered.

“Still…” as drained as I was, I craved one last assurance that we were okay before I fell into the embrace of sleep.

“Shut the fuck up, brat.” His body jerked a little, and I found myself wondering if he was still conscious after all. I wouldn’t put it past him to be capable of carrying on a conversation in his sleep. Somehow that just seemed to fit Levi. “We can talk tomorrow.”

At his words I dropped a quick kiss on his lips and finally let my eyes sink closed.

“Alright. Tomorrow,” I agreed.

 

And this time when I woke up to Levi, there was nothing alarming about it at all.

Though it was strange.

For some reason, even though I had been living with Armin in the same apartment for three years, looking into pale blue eyes fringed by black hair that particular morning had me thinking of a word that I had never strongly associated with this place before:

_Home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you catch any typos, please tell me!!
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	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren and Levi try to clear some things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness, the attention this story continues to get never ceases to amaze me! THANK YOU all so much. Every kudo, bookmark, comment, etc. is deeply appreciated. I especially enjoyed reading the comments I got on the last chapter! I'm glad it was well received! ^_^
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> Just to warn you all, I'm about to enter the most intense grad school semester I will ever have, so updates may be getting a little sparse for the next few months, but trust that I will be working on the story when I can! I won't leave you hanging. <3
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> Also, PLEASE notify me of typos. I really wanted to get this out before I start class officially, so I may have rushed the editing a little more than usual.
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> Enjoy?

“Morning,” the low, rough quality of Levi’s voice graced my ears as soon as I registered his piercing eyes boring into mine.

“Morning,” I returned, a smile still dulled by sleep turning up my lips. I let myself revel in the pleasant nostalgia for a moment, contentment thrumming deep in my bones. There was no other place I would rather have been in that moment. I belonged there, right next to Levi.

And then I remembered last night, and all the warmth of the moment promptly evaporated.

My face fell, and instantly I saw Levi’s eyes flash and cloud over. My chest felt as though it was wrapped by some invisible force pressing just a _little_ too tightly—just enough to provide discomfort. We would have to talk about it. Now. Putting it off wouldn’t help the situation. It would just prolong our misery. Either way we would have to discuss it eventually.

I refocused on Levi, who was no longer looking at me. I wished I knew how to start this.

Levi cleared his throat a little, then sat up and reached for the water glass still sitting on the bedside table. I noticed there was only a finger of water left in the glass.

“How’s your head?” I asked, momentarily distracted by concern for Levi. Now that my attention had been drawn to the events of last night, my stomach felt queasy. It was hard to say how much of that was nerves about the impending conversation and what was due to the amount of alcohol I’d had last night, but I was willing to bet they both played a hand. At least my head wasn’t pounding.

“It’s manageable,” he stated simply. “I woke up before you and took a couple more pills.”

“You’re not supposed to take them on an empty stomach,” I automatically regurgitated the information that my mom, Mikasa, and Armin had all told me time and time again. I was one of the worst offenders when it came to discarding that advice.

I watched his throat work as he took a swallow of water, noticing the fine shadow tracing his jaw. My fingers itched to touch it, but I restrained myself, realizing now was not the time.

“I think I will survive,” he replied dryly, returning the glass to its place.

“We should still probably get you some food. I don’t think you ate last night, did you?” I was scouring my memory, but I could not think of one instance of him snagging a taquito or quesadilla off of a passing tray. Not even a _nacho_. This from the man who was always on my case about eating properly. What bullshit.

“Not really,” he muttered. He hadn’t looked at me once since he sat up. My gut churned.

I finally pushed myself up, tired of staring up at Levi’s stoic form. I let the silence stretch a moment longer, hoping for Levi to speak, but steeling myself to be the one to break the quiet instead. As a minute ticked by, I became more certain that I would have to, but then he surprised me.

“Hey, Eren,” he spoke softly, his voice absent of the subtle shifts in pitch that I could normally detect. He finally moved his head to pin me with his eyes, and I did not like what I saw in them. “Are you mad at me?”

My eyebrows shot straight up in surprise. _Mad at_ him _?_ I was temporarily rendered speechless.

“No!” I practically shouted, causing him to wince. I cringed as soon as I realized what I did, a twinge of guilt pinching me. “Why would I be mad at you? If anything, I expect you’re mad at me,” I continued in a considerably quieter voice.

Levi looked incredulous, though it was that muted kind of incredulity that I could only recognize because of my prolonged exposure to him.

This time Levi’s full torso shifted toward me. I twisted my own shoulders a little without thought. “Eren, why on fucking earth would I be upset for you not taking advantage of me last night. If you had been in my place, I am not sure I could have turned you down.” Everything about Levi’s body, tone, and eyes bled honesty. “Fuck, Eren…” he trailed off, taking in an uneven breath. “I know for a fact that not everyone has the integrity of you. You… listened to me.”

I couldn’t stop my body as my legs pulled up and I swiveled to fully face him, one hand awkwardly stretched in the space between us. “Of course I listened!” I raised my voice again, though fortunately not as loudly as the first time. Levi’s eyes still closed in response to what was no doubt a throb of pain from his head. “Sorry,” I whispered and inched my hand forward till it bumped the side of Levi’s where it was resting on the bed. I just felt I needed physical contact to properly convey my feelings. “Levi, I know yesterday we were kind of caught up in the moment, but I wasn’t lying when I said having sex with you was just a bonus. I know that if we stay together for any meaningful amount of time, it will basically be impossible to avoid hurting each other, but as much as I wanted you last night, I would never take advantage of you as long as I’m in my right mind. I can’t promise I’ll always do or say the right thing, but I’ll always try.”

Levi’s eyes were wavering like silver ponds. “You say that like I would have no fault in the matter if it turned out otherwise,” his voice was still eerily devoid of emotion. Apparently his eyes were taking all of it for themselves.

“You wouldn’t have,” I said matter-of-factly, my brows furrowing. “You were drunk.”

A spark of anger ignited Levi’s irises into light blue flames. “Yes, I was drunk. But I got drunk by _choice_ , Eren. I knew I would be going home with you long before I took my first drink. I purposefully drowned myself in booze last night and I _knew_ —” His eyes widened for a moment as his words died on his tongue. I waited for him to continue, but the fire in his eyes had vanished as quickly as it had come and he looked away.

“Levi?” I scooted a little closer, wrapping my fingers around his a little more securely, only for his hand to be snatched away immediately. My head shot up from where I had been looking at our hands to his face, showing him every ounce of my hurt. I only saw his face for a second, however, as I was suddenly dragged into a firm chest, two strong arms wrapped around me. It was a little awkward. Since Levi was so short, my spine was bent at an uncomfortable angle, but I didn’t even think about squirming into a more comfortable position. On the contrary, I was holding my breath, waiting to see what Levi would do next.

“Where were you twenty years ago?” he sighed. I relaxed hearing the color return to his voice.

I hesitated on giving my immediate response to that question, but decided to go with it. I hoped it wasn’t too soon to laugh about it. “Well, I was busy being six,” I replied smartly.

Levi whacked me on the head.

“Ow!” I cried.

“Fuck, _shut up_ ,” he groaned.

I chuckled.

“Levi?”

“Yeah, brat?”

“Are we okay now?”

“If you’re not upset with me, then yes.”

My eyebrows dipped together again. “I don’t get why I’d be mad at you.”

“I acted like a dumbass last night,” he said sourly. Something suddenly clicked.

_He’s embarrassed._

Levi made some kind of displeased grunt. _Oh, shit, that was out loud._

“I don’t get drunk like that often,” he confessed after a few seconds of quiet. “Normally even when I do, it’s not that big of a deal. But last night, I knew I would go home with you. Nothing about that scenario was going to end well, and I knew it. I still did it anyway. I subjected you to an unfair test, in a way.” Finally his demeanor was making sense. So this was what Levi looked like upset. I didn’t want him to be upset.

“Good thing I passed, huh?” I tilted my head upwards, knowing he would feel the shift even if I couldn’t actually see more than the tips of his chin and nose.

I expected a shove or another whap on the head. What I got surprised me.

He squeezed me a little tighter and rested his chin on my head.

“Yeah.”

We could have easily ended the conversation there and moved onto other things, like food— _fuck_ was I hungry—but something was bothering me. Something I didn’t want to let go of so easily. I wanted Levi and I to be able to talk about anything, but I knew for something like this I would have to ask. I took a deep breath.

“Levi?” my voice only held a fraction of the hesitancy I felt.

His chest vibrated in an acknowledging hum behind me.

“Why… Why were you drinking so heavily last night? And why didn’t you eat anything? You’ve always talked about the importance of eating well, and you said something to me once about self-medicating…” the words surged forward and then wavered, my confidence beginning to fail. “I—I’m just worried about you.” It wasn’t until the words were out that I recognized the truth inherent in them. Levi’s behavior last night concerned me. As much as I enjoyed the affection and hint of jealousy he displayed, it was incredibly unlike the Levi I had come to know and appreciate over the last year and beyond. I found it troubling.

Levi didn’t respond immediately, not that I expected him to. “Maybe I just felt like getting shitfaced,” he said coolly.

It wasn’t like that hadn’t crossed my mind last night as I was watching him throw back shots, but it didn’t land right for what I knew of Levi. Levi wasn’t like my friends and I were back in college, drinking for the pure sake of getting wasted and doing stupid shit that seemed like fun at the time. Levi was poised and put-together. Maybe he had a shady past on the streets, but the Levi _I_ knew wasn’t one to get drunk without a reason. I knew he liked control too much.

I shook my head. “I know you better than that,” I told him, closing my eyes and focusing on his slow, controlled inhalations and exhalations, the shadow of a smile forming when I realized I’d unconsciously synced my breathing with his.

“You’re right,” his voice rumbled through me as he spoke. “I was more uncomfortable than usual last night.”

My heart seemed to split, half of it sinking down into my stomach and the other half lodging in my throat.

“Was it me?” the strain in my words was evident.

Levi sat forward an inch and gently gripped my arms, twisting me so he could meet my eyes. “No.” He spoke firmly, the intense look he was giving me backing up his statement. “I meant what I said last night, Eren.” A light touch fluttered along the left side of my face, tickling the short hairs that had grown out over the last day, but by the time I registered that it was Levi’s fingertips, they were gone. “You made last night considerably less shitty than it usually is.”

As unrefined as his delivery was, it was clear to me how sincere the sentiment driving his words was. I had known it last night, too. Insecurity just had a funny way of popping up right when you thought you’d left it behind. I searched Levi’s eyes, finding the warmth from the first few moments we’d spent conscious together returned to them. It gave me the strength to press forward.

“So what was it?”

Levi’s already thin lips became thinner as he pressed them into a line, the permanent furrow between his eyes deepening ever so slightly. His gaze was unwavering as he asked, “What did you and Jean talk about?”

My eyes widened and my lips instinctively parted, even though no words were prepared to exit. His question had taken me completely off guard. _Is he—_

“I am not avoiding your question,” he answered the inquiry before it had even fully formed in my head. I was even certain that I hadn’t spoken aloud this time. “You are not ready to talk about it yet, right?”

I wanted to impulsively shout out that I was, but I held my tongue and tried to replay bits of our discussion last night. After a few beats of contemplation, I knew he was right. As aware as I was that I would have to explain why I walked out on him with my ex for a while at some point, I wasn’t ready to share everything that was exchanged between us yet. I needed a little more time to process it for myself.

“You’re right,” I reluctantly admitted. “I’m not.”

“That was all of last night for me.” Levi saw me frown at that, and the next moment a cool thumb was pressing gentle, but firm, circles into my bicep. “Eventually, brat.” I understood his message. Eventually he would be ready to tell me, just not today. I knew from the look in his eyes he was not just offering me empty words, but a promise. He would explain everything to me in time. I knew Levi kept his word. I trusted him. I just needed to be patient. Which was not my strong suit, but I didn’t dare push Levi further than I already had. I was pretty grateful he was even opening up as much as he was.

“Okay,” I nodded, quietly conveying my acceptance of his assurance. “Sorry.”

Levi’s eyes went flat and deadly as I voiced the apology, obviously asking if I was being serious. I gave him a timid smile in return, slowly moving my left hand to rest on his thigh. His very muscular thigh. Memories shot through me. “You know, I never realized you were packing so much muscle,” I spoke what was on my mind, hoping we could move beyond the awkwardness that had accumulated. Maybe I was just making it more awkward. Knowing me, it was likely, but I couldn’t do much about me being myself. Levi would have to take it or leave it.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.” One side of his lips quirked up, and it was the best thing I’d seen all morning. Well, maybe the second best thing. It was hard to beat waking to those blue-gray eyes peaking out from thick lashes and disheveled hair.

I laughed louder and longer than I should have at that.

“It’s funny, because you edit books,” I wheezed when I finally captured enough air to form a sentence again.

Levi was looking at me like I had sprouted a third arm. “No shit,” he responded dryly.

I leaned further in and pecked Levi’s whiskered cheek. His face pursed in disgust.

“Gross, brat, go brush your teeth before you do shit like that,” he chastised, rubbing the spot I’d kissed him with the back of his hand. I probably should have felt bad or insulted; instead I just thought it was cute. He looked like a fussy cat washing its face. I snickered softly.

“Sorry,” I said when he glared at me, “but you look like a cat right now.” The magnitude of his gaze increased a couple of notches. “Want to wash your face and stuff while I make breakfast? After I brush my teeth, of course,” I offered in recompense.

Levi perked up a little at the mention of washing. “Fine,” he said a little begrudgingly, but I could tell he wasn’t really agitated. He shuffled out of bed, extending a hand to help me up. He didn’t let go, and I smiled to myself. Now if only his torso weren’t clothed, this would be perfect. _One day._

“Hey, Levi?”

“What, brat?” He didn’t turn at all, focused on the thought of cleaning himself.

“You should definitely go shirtless more often,” I blurted out.

“And have you coming in your pants, making a mess constantly? I think not,” he scoffed without missing a beat, releasing my fingers as we reached the stairs and cocking his head towards me.

My cheeks reddened. “I didn’t come last night!”

A shadow flitted across his eyes. “I know,” he huffed, taking the first step downstairs. I lunged to grab his hand where it was still holding the banister, roughly pinning it to the wood. He glanced up at me.

“You know I don’t hold that against you,” I said assertively.

He didn’t back down, but his eyes remained dark. “I know.”

“Then why is it bothering you? I’m okay with it, Levi.” I was exasperated. What did I have to do to get us past this? “You were drunk. We all get drunk and do stupid things. Yeah, it’s kind of weird seeing you loosen up, but I don’t think it was a bad thing. It was another part of you. I want to know all of you.” My voice was steadily rising in frustration. “Are you planning on keeping me of the outside of that front you put up for everyone else forever? Do you think I’ll see something that I can’t live with and walk out? Last night was difficult, but I’m not a kid, Levi!” I was more or less pleading with him. “I’m not caught in some delusion that relationships are always happy and perfect and you always love everything about your partner. That doesn’t make me any less committed to this.” My voice softened. “To you.” I sighed, letting out the leftover pent up energy. “I feel like I’m basically just repeating what I said yesterday,” I finished, a small, humorless, laugh following my words.

“Yes.” Levi’s eyes, despite their pale color, looked like black voids.

I didn’t even remember half of what I said anymore. I had no idea what he was saying ‘yes’ to. “What?”

“Yes, I am… worried…” he ground out, his jaw tight, “that you’ll—”

The click of a door opening sounded, revealing a sleepy, and really pissed off looking Armin. _Oh shit._

“’Oh shit’ is right, Eren. Would you freaking keep it down? I’m exhausted,” he groaned.

I was torn between being really pissed at him for interrupting us and feeling bad. I had completely forgotten about Armin. I’d never done that before. I was _always_ hyper aware of his presence in the apartment. To the point that Jean had gotten pissed at me on more than one occasion for my paranoia of making _any_ noise when we were together.

But this morning, I was more irritated than contrite.

“You had one drink and didn’t even get to bed that late last night,” I snapped. “You can’t be that tired.”

“Well, I am,” he countered. It was… hard to argue with that.

“I apologize on behalf of the brat, Arlert,” Levi contributed, surprisingly diplomatic and professional for being dressed in oversized clothing with bed-rumpled hair and need of a good shave. Not to mention the fact that he been looking so pained a second ago. “I will make sure he stays quieter,” he assured.

Armin looked a Levi for a long moment, like he was trying to ascertain if Levi was real or a mirage. Very slowly, his cheeks gained a pink hue. He looked back to me. “Right.” His tone had gone up in pitch from the last time he spoke. “Thanks,” he said quickly, promptly shutting the door.

Levi and I unhurriedly turned to look at one another. My hand was still on top of his. My stomach made a bizarre gurgling noise. “Yeah, me too,” he said. “I’m fucking starving.”

I nodded, still not budging my hand. “Can we talk after we eat?” Nerves colored the question, but my eyes held firm.

Levi’s expression was guarded, but contained the tiniest bit of warmth. “Yeah, brat. We can talk,” he confirmed.

I nodded once. “Okay.” I finally removed my palm from the back of his hand, but not without skimming my fingertips over the smooth skin. Well, smooth save for the ridge across the middle. I wanted to inspect it, but Levi was already making his way down the stairwell. My gaze lingered on him a moment longer before turning away and going to give my teeth a thorough brushing so I could get started on breakfast. It was kind of a pain, but one that was well worth the tiny bit of extra effort it required. I could get used to doing this if it meant I got to kiss Levi in the morning.

I happily daydreamed of morning kisses with my boyfriend while I brushed my teeth, shelving thoughts of the discussion to come. I did not want the morning to be anymore uncomfortable than it had already been. I would make the incredibly hard-to-screw-up breakfast of precooked sausage and frozen hash browns. I’d only burned them each respectively once, so I considered it one of my best dishes. Definitely my best ‘morning’ food.

By the time Levi joined me in the kitchen, disappointingly clean-shaven, I had the sausage sizzling to perfection and the hash browns crisping up nicely. I threw a smile to Levi as he padded in with the sweats I’d lent him rolled bulkily around his ankles. I hadn’t noticed that earlier, but it was a nice look on him, I thought. I wouldn’t mind the sight of him in my clothes more frequently. They didn’t fit him at all, but the concept alone was kinda sexy. It probably didn’t hurt that I very rarely saw him in anything other than professional attire, too. It was nice to see him in casual wear, even if it didn’t fit super well. It made me feel a sense of intimacy. Like I was getting to see him in a way that no one else got to see him. No one else except Armin, anyway. I was regretting waking him up more by the minute.

“You are actually cooking something?” Levi asked peering over my shoulder. His eyes look heavier and more tired than usual. My gut felt weighted with the knowledge that I was probably a big part of the reason he didn’t sleep well last night. I shook my head, trying to erase that line of thinking like an Etch A Sketch. There was no sense in either of us feeling guilty over last night. Dwelling on it would only cause problems. And right now we were going to have a nice meal together. Conversation was being postponed till after. People were more reasonable on full stomachs—that’s what my mom always said. I knew it was certainly true for me. So, if nothing else, I was going to eat some damn breakfast first.

“You’re not cooking something?” Levi’s voice brought me back into the room and I quickly flipped the contents of both pans, paranoid that I was burning something while I spaced out. I looked down at Levi, who was lounging against the counter now and had one questioning eyebrow raised.

“Huh?” I replied intelligently.

Levi looked amused. “I asked if you were cooking something, and you shook your head,” he provided. I could have smacked myself.

“Oh, uh, I was just… thinking,” I finished feebly.

“I got that much,” Levi teased. “Care to share?”

I caught my lower lip between my teeth for a moment, shifting the contents of my pans again slowly. “Not really,” I muttered.

I saw Levi nod out of the corner of my eye, not looking bothered by my reluctance to share. “I thought you could only make cereal,” he commented, smoothly going back to his first topic.

“Hey!” was my indignant response. “Just because it’s the only thing you ever see me eat, doesn’t mean it’s the only thing I can make,” I protested.

“Between what I’ve witnessed and Armin’s stories, I haven’t had much reason to think otherwise,” he countered.

I didn’t have much to say to defend myself from that one. I shrugged. “I just don’t have a talent for cooking. But that doesn’t automatically mean I don’t have one or two tricks up my sleeves."

Levi picked up the empty package of hash browns, which had been laying with the directions face-up on the counter so I could view them easily. “Or an easy-open pack of pre-shredded potatoes in your freezer?” he asked wryly.

I moved both pans over to the two unused burners and began divvying out food onto the plates I had prepared next to the stove. “Shut up or you don’t get any,” I threatened in mock petulance. Levi chuckled lightly and pushed himself away from the counter to go sit at the small table, choosing the chair that faced the apartment door. I followed him over and set the plates down, taking my seat opposite of him as I did so. Levi, however, was still looking over at where I had just been standing by the stove.

“Eren,” he spoke, not diverting his attention from across the small kitchen.

“What?” I questioned, already cutting a sausage with my fork.

“The burners are still on.”

“Oh, _shit!_ ” I exclaimed, leaping up from my chair and nearly knocking it over in my haste to dash across the kitchen and turn the stovetops off.

“Easy, brat,” I heard Levi call after me, but by the time I’d even realized he said something, I was already twisting them off.

“You just saved me, Levi” I gushed gratefully. “I don’t even want to think about what Armin would have me doing if he saw I forgot to turn them off again.” A vision of Mr. Arlert’s rancid food stores came to mind and I shuddered.

Levi had one of his sculpted black eyebrows arched at me again as he chewed a bite of food. He swallowed before attempting to speak. “Just how many times have you forgotten, kid?” he inquired.

I lifted one of my hands to cover my mouth in a poor attempt at hiding my embarrassment. I shuffled a little on my way back to my seat. “I’ve, uh, lost count…” I mumbled.

Levi somehow managed to be decidedly impressed and horrified at the same time.

“Remind me to never let you touch my kitchen,” he declared before tucking into another bite. I pouted a little at that, but a) I couldn’t really blame him for banning me from his much nicer kitchen with its much nicer items, and b) he seemed to be enjoying my food despite his comment (and more surprisingly, his hangover), which put me in a forgiving mood. I didn’t respond to him and began my attack on breakfast, greedily wolfing down large bites that I probably should have chewed a little more thoroughly, but was too hungry to bother exerting the effort. It was only when I took a moment to look up and take a chug of orange juice that I’d set on the table before I’d begun cooking that I noticed Levi looking utterly appalled. I smiled sheepishly and began eating in a more civilized manner, but Levi continued to eye me warily throughout the rest of the meal, as though he half expected me to lunge across the table like a wild animal and inhale his food, too.

I did no such thing, however, and soon enough Levi was washing our dishes and insisting that I just go sit down or ‘shave the rat pelt’ growing on my face while he finished because I would only ‘hinder his process.’

Since Levi and I apparently had very different opinions on the attractiveness of facial hair, I decided to take his suggestion and went upstairs to razor my face back to the smooth state I had it in most of the time. I applied a very mildly scented aftershave and trotted back down the stairs, anxiety mixing with the food in my stomach unpleasantly as I got closer to Levi, who was now sitting cozily on the sofa with a mug in his hands. I’d never seen him looking quite so relaxed in our apartment (though the time we watched The Hobbit came close). I smiled, some of my worry abating.

Cognitively, I knew I shouldn’t have anything to fear from this conversation. It was clear that we were both more upset with ourselves than each other, perhaps because we valued the happiness of the other so much. We probably just needed to form a better understanding of one another’s expectations. After all, a lot of Levi’s insecurities seemed to be stemming from him questioning how much, or little, for that matter, it would take to drive me off. Maybe he’d had younger lovers before that didn’t stick around. It seemed like a reasonable hypothesis to account for his behavior. Or maybe he was just self-conscious because we were at different places in life and he assumed we wanted different things. Maybe we did. That was exactly why we needed to talk.

I sat down next to Levi, who took a sip from his mug before placing it on the coffee table and lifting his eyes to mine at length. His earlier lighthearted demeanor was gone, replaced with a deep weariness I had never seen him display before. I wanted to touch him. Put my hand on his thigh or shoulder, or brush the loose hairs out of his face, but somehow I felt it would be unwelcome in this particular moment. I sat quietly and tried to be patient, something instinctual telling me waiting out the discomfort of the moment would pay off. I fidgeted with a loose piece of dried skin next to my thumbnail.

“Earlier,” Levi started, staring at his cup.

I stayed remained mute, letting what Levi had to say emerge at its own pace.

“Before Arlert showed up, I was trying to say,” he paused and tugged on the collar of the shirt he was wearing like he was trying to loosen a tie that wasn’t there. “I was trying to tell you that, yes, I am not certain that you will stay with me. I’m fucked up, Eren.” Levi’s words sounded raw, like his vocal cords were taut, right on the brink of snapping. Even so, his face showed nothing, but I understood this was a sensitive subject.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” I told him with as much gentleness as I could. Which, apparently, was the wrong move. Levi gritted his teeth and cursed softly.

“I’m shit at this,” he stated, his face became more pinched. “I’m trying.”

“I know,” I told him. I sat up to better face him. “Why are you always so negative?” I asked bluntly.

Levi stared at me blankly, blinking slowly. “I have reason to be,” was all he offered.

“Because of your past?” I pressed. I thought of the book lying on my desk.

Levi snorted. “Of course because of my past, brat.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t going to play those evasive games with him today.

“You know what I mean,” I kept my voice stern. Levi’s form stiffened.

“Maybe,” he spoke begrudgingly.

“I read your book.”

I waited.

“You said it was your favorite.” For some reason I couldn’t put my finger on, Levi suddenly seemed delicate.

“It is,” I said simply, finally letting my fingers do as they wished, combing through silky strands of ink-black hair. “Thank you,” I whispered. Levi didn’t look at me, but angled his head into the touch.

“You know what my favorite part was?” I asked him.

“What?” He glanced over, his eyes holding a spark of something indiscernible to me.

“The end,” I said with a little smile.

The spark grew brighter “You’re the first one,” he told me. “It’s sad. People don’t like sad.”

“But there’s hope,” I countered.

“Yeah,” he agreed. A beat passed. “It didn’t originally end that way,” he confided. “I changed it when I went back and edited it.”

“What changed?”

“I did.” The words were simple, but they said so much. The journey of the main character, was a dark one. It was filled with ostracism, loss, monumental burdens, and then… redemption. I now understood why Levi didn’t show this book to anyone but those closest to him. They would see the death at the end and feel betrayed, failing to see the symbolism it reflected in the real life of the man who wrote it. True, I didn’t know everything about his past, but I knew enough to understand that this wasn’t some kind of ideation of death, but rather a metaphorical rebirth. Which was why despite my love of romantic scenes, the end was my favorite. It was heartbreaking and renewing, and it was the beginning of the Levi I knew now, not the Levi drowning in darkness.

“I’m glad,” I told him, leaning in to nuzzle his soft, freshly shaven cheek. I planted a whispering kiss on his skin.

“Eren,” he sighed.

I withdrew and met his eyes, losing myself in them.

“I never fucking know what I’m doing around you.” My eyes widened at the confession. “I am not used to that,” he went on, and I heard the exasperation in his words, like he honestly didn’t know what to do with himself. “I’m middle-aged and have more failed relationships than I care to count,” he continued, his voice becoming flatter as he went on. “That feels like shit, Eren.” Levi’s words were harsh and fringed with pain. “I’m not trying to fuck this up, but maybe now you can understand why trust isn’t easy for me. I give a really big shit about you, brat. You’re important. It is…” Levi didn’t seem to be able to push the words out, but light a flash of lighting, I suddenly understood what it was that kept hanging Levi up, and it was so stupidly obvious, I could have laughed.

He was afraid.

Just like I was afraid.

I abruptly twisted around on the couch and cupped Levi’s face, pressing my lips firmly to his. Levi’s lips molded to mine naturally, but I withdrew after no more than a breath. “It is,” I agreed. “But I’m not planning on going anywhere. You’ll have to do a lot worse if you want to get rid of me. Everyone’s fucked up, Levi. Not everyone is worth the trouble. You are.” My words were confident. Firm. Unshakable.

Levi froze for a moment, shock flitting over his features before his muscles eased, acceptance settling in.

“If you tell Hanji, I’ll fucking kill you,” he warned.

I took that as a ‘you’re worth it, too,’ and stole another quick kiss from his lips, smiling down at him.

“Trust me, Levi.” It was a request.

Levi brushed a hand through my hair, looking at me tenderly. He shook his head a little, eyes holding that same spark they had while talking about his book. It was at moments like that I wished he had the propensity to think out loud like I did.

But I wouldn’t trade the little smile he was giving me for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I track resmiranda13 and STTOFTB on tumblr.
> 
> Comments/asks are always welcomed!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren has some awkward family conversations and enjoys more time with Levi. Unclothed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!
> 
> It has been forever, and I'm sorry. I wish I could assure you that updates will come more frequently, but realistically it will probably be the first week of December before I post again. Thank you all for being so patient!! When I get out of this semester from hell I will do my best to properly reward your patience!
> 
> THANK YOU to all of you who have given my story here attention. I am so grateful for all my readers. You keep me going. :)
> 
> Hopefully this is somewhat worth your wait. Don't be afraid to leave a comment!
> 
> And PLEASE let me know if you catch a typo. I shall fix it promptly.

After our heart-to-heart, the rest of New Year’s morning was uneventful. Eventually Levi and I looked at a clock, realizing it was only around 11:30, meaning we’d probably been up since 10. Or, at least, I had. Levi had already been awake, so I really had no idea when he had gotten up. All I really wanted to do was crawl back under the sheets, but Levi insisted on being taken back to his place to get fresh clothes. He had been rather appalled that he had been wearing clothing that came from the ‘toxic wasteland’ that was apparently my room, though he did acknowledge my efforts to make it a little tidier than it had been before he had to sleep in it. He was still pretty adamant that he needed another shower when we got back to his place. I sent a quick text to Armin letting him know that we were heading out and apologizing for my attitude. He knew I didn’t think rationally before I’d had coffee when I got up before 11, but I still felt remorseful that I treated my best friend (my awesome best friend) like an ass so frequently. I’d pick him up his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies on the way home or something.

I followed Levi over to his place, choosing to drive my own car so Levi wouldn’t have to take me back later. I realized that I needed to call both Mikasa and Dad, but I should call my dad as soon as I stopped driving because it was almost 9PM in Germany.

Ten minutes later, I pulled into Levi’s driveway, right behind his car. I twisted my keys in the ignition and pulled them out, almost forgetting my cell phone and wallet in the cup holders. Levi was already standing next to my door by the time I actually managed to get out.

“I have to call my dad,” I informed him.

Levi’s left eyebrow arched inquisitively. It wasn’t hard to figure out why; I barely ever spoke of him. “He’s in Germany,” I offered.

Levi gave a soft hum of understanding. “I’ll go take a shower,” he told me, turning away and heading toward the door that connected the garage to the house.

I smiled softly at Levi’s back, figuring that he was allowing me privacy to make my call, not that I really needed it. He didn’t know that, though. It was sweetly considerate of him to give it to me anyway. I made a promise to myself that I’d tell him about my dad later. _No, not just Dad. I should tell him everything. It’s the least I can do after he shared his book_. Just thinking of talking about my mom made my throat tighten a little, but I swallowed against the feeling. Time had healed a lot of those wounds, but I would never stop missing the closeness I had with both my parents. _Speaking of which…_ I held my phone up so I could swipe it open and pull up my dad’s Google Voice number. I tapped ‘call’ as I stepped over the threshold and into the warmth of Levi’s house. I listened to the ring for a few seconds before a tired, but familiar voice greeted my ears.

“Eren?”

“Hi, Dad. Happy New Year,” I spoke softly—not because I didn’t want to be overheard, but because I couldn’t seem to help but speak to my father as though he were ailing. In a way, he was, but I hated how involuntarily my tone always shifted when I was speaking to him. It was hard to fight against, but I always tried.

“Happy New Year, Eren," he returned. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d call.” I winced a little at his words.

“Sorry,” I said sincerely, "It was just a… busy morning,” I said vaguely.

“Oh?” he actually sounded mildly interested. If only the truth weren’t so personal and awkward. I sighed. The last time I had talked to him had only been earlier in the week, on Christmas. Mikasa and I had actually had a video call with him then, which had been nice. I didn’t mention anything about Levi, however, since Mikasa had not learned about our relationship either, and I really didn’t want to answer both their questions at once. Now, however, I had no excuse. Especially because it was pretty clear that Levi and I both had serious intentions for our relationship. It was bad enough that I had waited this long.

“Yeah, um… I actually have something to tell you, Dad.”

“Is everything okay, Eren? You didn’t get fired from another job, did you?” The concern that was probably driving his words was masked by weariness. It struck a flame of anger in me, but guilt settled into my gut all the same.

“No,” I said stiffly, trying to contain my vexation. “It’s good news. I’m seeing someone.”

Dad was silent for a fleeting moment. “I wasn’t expecting that. You sounded so serious.”

“It is serious,” I automatically responded.

 _Oh, fuck_. I hadn’t meant to say that.

“Eren, watch your language,” he scolded automatically. _As if he’s never sworn around us._ I complained to myself.

“Sorry,” I replied, feigning remorse. “I just didn’t mean to say it like that.” I had unconsciously wandered into Levi’s kitchen/living area. The man himself was nowhere in sight, likely already in his shower. Listening confirmed my theory; I could hear the distinctive sound of water cascading down, so I made my way over to the couch and flung myself down on it as I spoke. “I meant to say that it’s a serious matter.” I wasn’t helping myself.

“It sounds like you like him.” There was a faint trace of humor in my dad’s voice now. I smiled, wishing he expressed that joking side more readily these days. “How long has this been going on? What’s his name?”

“Uh, we’ve been seeing each other two weeks. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you at Christmas. It’s just that I hadn’t told Mikasa, and knew she wouldn’t be too keen on him, and I didn’t want to have to answer both of you at once...” I trailed off into a murmur.

My father chuckled lightly. It was a nice sound. “It’s okay, Eren. I know you’re an adult. You don’t have to explain every action you take to me. His name?” he prompted again.

“Oh, it’s…” I hesitated, knowing what was coming next. “It’s Levi.”

I could practically hear my dad thinking over the phone. “I feel like I should know that name,” he said after a few seconds had ticked by.

I steeled myself. “He’s Armin’s editor,” I reminded him like I was confessing my sexuality all over again.

“Ah, right,” Dad had clearly remembered him. Which meant what was coming next was, “I thought you didn’t like him?”

I really hadn’t said anything about him since he first became Armin’s editor. Back when I hated his guts. _Funny how things change_.

“That was over a year ago. A lot happened.”

“It sounds like it. Any specifics worth mentioning?” he inquired politely, giving me the space to decline. Although I sometimes wished he hadn’t up and left as soon as I turned eighteen, I really did appreciate the autonomy he granted Mikasa and me. I know a lot of parents, like Annie’s, could be really overbearing. I’d rather err on the side of having too much freedom, though sometimes it felt more like I was my dad’s acquaintance rather than his son. I knew how much he loved me, though. Mikasa, too. He just had difficulty showing it as freely these days.

“Well, I started having actual conversations with him…” I started slowly, actually having to think about that one. I honestly hadn’t given any thought as to _when_ or _how_ my feelings for him changed, exactly. They just did, and I was glad they did. I had to say, though, his question was a good one. “I realized that he was intelligent and funny, even if he looked and acted like he had a stick up his ass most of the time. He’s kind, too, in his own way… He’s a lot of things that aren’t easy to see right away.” Even though that probably wasn’t the best description, I found that it seemed to be the truest way I could express how my opinion of him was slowly converted. “And then I… I broke up with Jean. I don’t really know when I started liking Levi. Armin actually had to point it out to me.”

“That sounds like my boy,” he proclaimed. I could hear the smile in his voice and found my own lips curving upwards in return. The moment felt weird to me. It was tinted by the hint of anxiety that the moment would vanish at any second, but it didn’t stop me from appreciating the ability to be happy with my father. I silently wished for more such moments.

“Yeah, well, months after we broke up, Armin told me he’d been noticing us notice each other and had been doing all sorts of crafty shit to get us to hang out.” I paused for a moment after I caught myself swearing, but when Dad didn’t say anything, I went on. “So we ended up spending some time together outside of his work relationship with Armin, and… now we’re dating,” I ended anticlimactically.

“Mm; sounds like quite the story,” he said.

I laughed awkwardly, “Yeah, kinda.” I reached up and ruffled my hair with the hand I wasn’t using to hold the phone.

“You’re using protection?”

 _This._ This was why I didn’t want to have this conversation with both him _and_ Mikasa. Because Dad had no boundaries when it came to things that could be construed as potential medical issues. As relieved as I was that he had been accepting when I came out, I almost died of embarrassment when he brought home “practice materials” for me and gave me an unnecessarily detailed demonstration of how anal sex worked. Mikasa had secretly videotaped part of it around a corner. I felt my neck flush just thinking about it.

“ _Dad_ ,” I groaned. “Didn’t you _just_ say something about me not needing to explain everything to you?”

“I know, I just needed to ask,” he tried placating. It was not very effective.

“No, you really didn’t,” I griped with one hand covering my eyes, despite my lack of audience. “Anyway, we’re taking things slow.”

“Fair enough. Just remember—”

“Dad!” I cried. His soft chuckle followed.

“Forgive me; I could not resist,” he said teasingly.

I sighed and buried my face further into my hand. “I think I’ve had just about enough of this conversation.” I could practically hear Levi’s voice commenting on how constipated I sounded in the back of my mind.

“Oh,” the disappointment in my father’s voice had my head snapping up so fast that I felt something crack. “Right, you probably have plans to get to. Like spending time with Levi? I should probably think about heading to bed, anyway,” Dad spoke on without giving me a break.

“Dad…” I finally broke in, only to find myself at a loss for what to say. My stomach felt like it was slowly being gnawed away.

“It’s fine, Eren,” and I knew he was trying to convince me that he meant it. He probably wanted to mean it. “I know you and Mikasa have busy lives. I know it’s hard to find a time that works when we’re countries apart. I have really enjoyed getting to talk to you a little more frequently, though. Maybe I’ll come visit sometime soon, if it wouldn’t impose. I’d like to meet this partner of yours.” My entire body warmed at the thought.

“Yeah,” I replied, maybe a tad too enthusiastically. “I’d like that. Maybe after we settle a little bit more. We’re still in that awkward initial phase,” I laughed a little even while my heart ached. Levi and I were working things out, getting closer, getting comfortable again within the new boundaries of our relationship, but we were nowhere near _Dad-Flying-Over-From-Another-Country-To-Meet-The-Significant-Other_ serious yet. Though I already longed for that kind of intimacy, fantasized about being someone Levi could count on late at night—his safe haven—I knew that was far off yet. Plus, my dad wasn’t exactly the conversationalist he used to be. Well, actually, he had been pretty easy to talk to this last week. Maybe things were, finally, changing.

“Of course,” Dad said understandingly. “Take your time. I can’t just up and leave tomorrow, anyway. We can talk about it some other time. It really is about my bedtime.” I chuckled and rolled my eyes a little.

“Wow, you really are turning into an old man,” I baited. I expected for him to make some smart remark back and for us to laugh again.

 “Your mom would have whacked you for that.” My muscles locked up and my throat became a vice. Only my mouth hung slack.

_What… What did he say?_

Dad never talked about Mom. If anyone mentioned her, it was like a hatch to space opened up and the air and all its warmth was sucked into the vacuum. Mikasa and I didn’t mind talking about Mom. We liked to from time to time, even if it ached. But for our dad, it was a whole other ordeal. Mom’s death _was_ his brokenness, practically a synonym. But just now he said it so easily; with humor, even.

_What is going on?_

“ _Eren?_ ” The insistence of my father’s voice broke through to me, and I realized he had been calling my name, possibly for some time.

“ _Sorry,_ ” I choked out. “I have to go. I just remembered something. I’ll talk to you later. Soon. Sorry. Bye.”

I rapidly pulled the phone away from my ear and slammed my thumb down on the red ‘end’ button, even though physical force would have absolutely no extra effect on how ‘ended’ the call became.

I blankly stared down at my phone, mind reeling.

I may have overreacted a little. Or a lot. My awkwardness level had just skyrocketed to 1000%. _Good job. Now I’ve probably hurt his feelings. That was so fucking obvious. Shit_.

“Eren?”

I automatically looked up to Levi without thinking to school my face into something less startlingly flabbergasted and mortified. His hair was damp and beads of moisture still clung to his skin. He was clothed, at least. Though part of me was distantly disappointed by that, it was probably a good thing for the sake of our budding relationship.

“Everything okay?” he queried.

I put on a convincing smile, but my voice betrayed me, falling flat. “Great.”

Levi didn’t beat around the bush. “That was a shit lie.”

I heaved a sigh and dragged my right hand down my face before peering up at him. He came and sat down at my side without a word, waiting.

“It’s just… my dad,” I glanced to Levi’s face for a reaction. He nodded once, encouraging me to carry on. “He… um… fuck, how do I even explain?” I didn’t really want to get into the whole story right now, but it was hard not to. “You know my mom died when I was a teenager, right?” Levi silently jerked his head once more in affirmation. “Well, dad got… really distant after that. Depressed. It was like he lost himself when he lost her, even though he…” I dug my fingers into the material of my pants, “he still had us.” A cool hand touched the back of mine, and I lifted my head to look Levi in the eyes. “I’m not mad at him for it, or anything,” I continued, firmly. “I get it. I mean, I didn’t always get it. Not right after it happened, but I understand that he can’t just shake himself out of it now. He loves Mikasa and me. I know he does. But it’s just so…” I had to grapple of the right word, “ _draining_. I get tired just talking to him. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be him.” I paused, trying to collect my thoughts. This was the swirling abyss I was losing myself in when I had hung up the call. I still didn’t understand. I needed more time to sort it out on my own. “This conversation just now… it wasn’t like that. It kinda freaked me out. I don’t know what to make of it yet.”

“You look pasty, brat.” I had to snort at Levi’s unorthodox way of expressing concern. Only Levi could say something like that and have me believe there was a genuine interest in my wellbeing behind it. I let my confused mind drift away from disorienting thoughts of my father and onto the welcoming distraction of the attractive man in front of me.

“Gee, thanks,” I oozed with dripping sarcasm. “That was exactly what I needed to hear.” I gave a small smile to contradict my words.

“Who said I was trying to make you feel better, you shit?” Levi retorted, a note of defensiveness in his tone.

I removed my hand from under his and moved it to cup the side of his face, gently dragging my thumb across his cheek. His eyes were guarded despite my tender touches. I felt my heart sink an inch. It was always disappointing when Levi didn’t seem to respond to me the way I imagined when I so readily turned to putty in his hands. I couldn’t begrudge him that, though. I _knew_ he was carrying a lot of baggage. Maybe he never felt like he could comfort his previous lovers? He probably had no idea what he did to me. _But what do I fucking say?_

Nothing eloquent would come to mind, only one word. Hopefully it would do.

“Thanks.” It was hushed.

Levi turned into my touch a little, but his body remained rigid. “Yeah, you’d better be fucking grateful. I wasted a shit ton of water trying to stay in the shower long enough for you.”

I chuckled lowly and move my fingers back to rub against the soft grain of his undercut, fleetingly wondering if he cut his own hair. “Well, that wasn’t what I was trying to thank you for, but I appreciate that, too.” I leaned forward to brush my nose against the skin I’d traced with my thumb earlier, moving until it bumped damp strands. I inhaled the scent of his shampoo. It was spicy. Maybe something like cinnamon? I loved it.

“What the fuck is it with you and smelling me?” Levi sounded displeased, but he was now firmly inclining himself toward me, his resistance waning. I placed a kiss behind Levi’s ear and a violent shudder rippled through him. I blinked and he was gone from my side, now several feet away from me on the other side of the couch, his left hand rubbing viciously at the spot where I’d just pressed my lips. Once I got over the initial shock of his reaction, I found a smile working its way onto my face. I just found a new weakness to exploit.

“ _Levi_ ,” I crooned.

“Fuck no, Eren,” his voice was authoritative.

“Are you ticklish? Did it feel good?” I was burning with curiosity and it drove me to pursue Levi across the couch.

“You are going to forget this ever happened,” Levi said in his darkest timbre.

A devious grin split my lips. I peered at him through my eyelashes, making my best attempt at overdone flirting. “Oh? And how do you plan on convincing me to forget?”

Everything about my boyfriend was completely unamused as he told me, “By letting you keep your testicles.”

As much as I believed Levi to be kidding, I pressed my thighs together and resituated my hands so they were readily available for protection. I still didn’t know how far I could push Levi. I was suddenly finding myself reluctant to find out at that very moment. I slumped where I sat and muttered, “You’re no fun.”

“If you wanted fun, you are definitely dating the wrong person,” Levi said coldly.

I gazed at him for a long moment, my eyes raking his features. I honestly couldn’t tell if he was joking. I watched him for several more moments before deciding to speak.

“You’re kidding, right?” I asked hesitantly.

Levi gave me a lengthy silent look of his own before answering. “No.” Not even a dash of doubt was in the word.

“I like you,” I told him assuredly.

“I know.”

“As you are,” I tacked on.

“I know,” he repeated.

“Then why would you…” I trailed off, trusting him to fill in the blank.

“I’m not fun,” he said plainly.

I stared at him vacantly.

“Do you actually believe that?” Levi was serious and reserved, but did he really believe he wasn’t fun because of it? Did this man even _register_ the number of times he’d made me laugh in the span of time I’d known him? Although I probably never would have admitted it till recently, I had a lot of fun with him; even if we were just doing something boring like drinking coffee on the sofa in the morning.

“I’m not fun, Eren,” he asserted.

“That’s bullshit. I have fun with you,” I argued.

“You are my partner,” he said, like that invalidated anything.

“We literally _just_ started dating.”

“Exactly. Nothing seems as bad when it’s new,” he countered, not without an undertone of bitterness.

“Hey,” I said sharply, closing the remaining space between us again and resting my hand on his knee. “I have enjoyed your company long before I even thought about us being anything else. Stop discrediting yourself.”

Levi’s pale blue eyes bored into my face, any emotions completely indiscernible. The intense quiet was starting to grow uncomfortable, but just as I opened my mouth to babble to fill the space, Levi leaned forward and captured my lips in a kiss that literally stole my breath, partially because he had unexpectedly shifted his weight into me and pinned me back on his couch while doing so. Lips pushed and pulled at my own in a dizzyingly fervent moment that stopped as abruptly as it began. It took me a second to reorient my mind, and Levi was already wiping his mouth off and standing up when I did. “I am going to make some tea,” he informed, walking toward the kitchen nonchalantly like he wasn’t randomly devouring my face three seconds earlier. I stared after him stupidly. “Didn’t you want to call your sister, too?” he called over his shoulder.

In an eerie moment of coincidence, my phone started ringing from the other side of the couch with a tone that was designated to Mikasa. I scooted back over to where I had abandoned it and snatched it up, answering it with a swipe of my thumb as I brought it to my ear.

“Hey, Happy New Year, Mikasa,” I greeted, my mind sidetracked by the phantom pressure on my lips. My eyes still trailed what I could see of Levi’s movements in the kitchen, even as Mikasa started speaking.

“Happy New Year,” she returned lightly. “Have a good night out?” she inquired, fully aware of where everyone had been last night. I finally pulled my gaze away from the top of Levi’s head as it bobbed in and out of view over the bar, and let my focus haze over with flashes of memories from last night. _To tell the truth, or not to tell the truth?_ “It was fine,” I answered smoothly. It was a shame that Mikasa had the most insanely sensitive b.s. meter of anyone I had ever met.

“What happened, Eren?” I reflexively jerked my eyeballs to the ceiling. I couldn’t begrudge her for caring, but I hadn’t even hesitated when I answered her. How the fuck did she _know_?

“Nothing, Mikasa,” I groaned.

“Is it Levi?” she immediately asked, though her voice was surprisingly non-hostile.

“No!” I cried, eyes darting toward the kitchen. Levi had vanished. I raised my butt a few inches off the couch, straining to see if he had maybe bent over or something, but I saw nothing. _Where the fuck did he go?_ I lowered my volume and continued, “I’m at his place now, Mikasa.”

“So everything’s okay?” she pressed.

“Yeah,” I said, releasing a low groan from the back of my throat and rubbing one of my hands over my eyes, which suddenly felt overused and heavy. “A lot of shit just happened last night. Not all of it even had to do with us. But we were both drinking and not thinking totally straight the whole night. It’s fine, though. I actually think it was really good for us.” In between the outstanding moments, there had been a number that weren’t particularly pleasant, but I couldn’t deny that the end result had me feeling that much closer to Levi. Just thinking about it had my stomach fluttering.

There was a comfortable quiet as Mikasa considered that for a beat. “Well, I’m glad to hear I don’t have to kill him yet. It would be a real hassle to travel back there again so soon.”

That drew a weak smile out of me. “Yeah, please don’t,” I requested. “I really fucking like him, Mikasa,” I said quietly, eyes darting around for a sign of the man I was talking about.

“He likes you, too, Eren,” she said without pause. My brows furrowed.

“How do… What did you… Who are you?” I finally settled on.

Mikasa’s beautiful laugh tickled my ears. “I _have_ talked to him, Eren. I’m giving him a chance, just like you asked me to. I don’t think he’s bad… so far,” she amended at the end.

“I’m not sure I believe you’re my sister,” I told her.

She gave a softer laugh. “You can believe whatever you like, but I am,” she answered, clearly amused. “Have you talked to Grisha yet?” As much as she loved my parents and thought of them as her family, she had always referred to them by their first names.

“Yeah.” My tongue lingered over another syllable, waiting for me to decide if I actually wanted to go on or not. Telling Levi had been something of an obligation, but Mikasa would actually understand. “He… He mentioned Mom,” I confessed.

I wasn’t sure if that was a harsh intake of breath, or my imagination. It was too soft.

“And… it was normal, Mikasa. Just in passing. My mind was so fucked that I had the most awkward hang-up ever. I feel so stupid, but… Mikasa, he’s _never_ just mentioned her like that before,” I ranted, temporarily forgetting all thoughts of discretion.

“I know,” Mikasa said, her voice a mix of amazement and puzzlement. “How did he seem, in general?”

“Almost… _normal_.” I spoke the word like it was foreign. In a sentence pertaining to my father, it was.

“I should probably call him. It’s getting late there, isn’t it?”

“It’s after nine,” I confirmed. “He said he was going to bed soon, but I don’t know if that was true, or if he was just trying to let me off the hook. I kind of accidentally told him I was tired of talking to him. I told him about Levi and he wanted to talk about our sex life—”

“What sex life?” Mikasa sharply intruded.

“The one that doesn’t exist, Mikasa, calm down.” I cringed a little at my twisting of the truth. _Technically_ we didn’t have a sex life, but we had jerked each other off, and being able to claim I knew what Levi’s cock felt like in my hand wasn’t exactly a _lack_ of sex life either. Whatever. Semantics.

“I don’t believe you.” _Damn it._

“We haven’t had sex.” There. There was no way she could detect b.s. in that.

“I thought I had missed something important.” I really hoped that wasn’t relief I was hearing in her voice.

“I’m not going to call my _sister_ the second I get laid, Mikasa,” I told her, annoyed.

“Well you could tell me in the near future,” she suggested.

“That’s not a detail I’ll be dying to share!” My voice was coming out higher than I liked.

“Eren.” Her tone was flat.

“Okay, maybe I would, but I’m not going to make a special phone call just to inform you when we end up having sex.” _Shit, what is it with my family am my sex life? Are they really so desperate that they need to live vicariously through me or something?_

“Eren, I heard that,” Mikasa’s droll statement broke me out of what I _thought_ was my head.

“Shit.”

“Shit is right, Eren.”

“I didn’t mean it?” I tried.

“I’ll pretend that’s true because it sounds like I really do need to give Grisha a call. But Iet’s talk again soon, okay? I want to hear more about what happened last night.”

“Wait!” I yelled, remembering that I hadn’t heard one word on how her night had gone. “What about you? I never heard how the gym’s party went.”

“Oh, right.” Apparently I wasn’t the only one who had forgotten. It was unfortunately common for both of us to forget about her life due to discussion about mine. “It was nice. Nothing too crazy happened. One of the guys got a little drunk and started a surprisingly on-pitch falsetto rendition of ‘I Kissed A Girl’, but that was the highlight of the night.”

I laughed. “I can’t decide if I’m glad or disappointed I missed that.”

“Don’t worry, I have a video. But I would give it up to have been with the rest of you guys.” My smile slipped from my face as I heard the hint of loneliness in her words.

“Hey, you’re welcome here any time. I know you couldn’t stay this time because of work, but there’s a place for you here whenever you can take time off,” I told her seriously.

Her tone warmed. “Yeah. I know. You can always visit me, too, you know.”

I contemplated that for a moment, recalling that Levi expressed interest in rock climbing lessons when we all went out to dinner. Maybe if we were still doing well in a couple of months, we could take a trip. I smiled at the idea. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Good,” she said firmly. “Now I really should go. I don’t want to lose my chance to get Grisha before he’s asleep.”

“Alright,” I replied, a yawn creeping up my throat.

“You sound tired. Make sure you get proper rest, too. Have you been drinking water?” she fussed.

 “I’m hanging up now, Mikasa,” I said dryly.

“Okay, okay,” she surrendered. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. I’ll talk to you later.” Mikasa hummed in agreement and then gave a final bye before hanging up. I withdrew the phone from my ear and sighed. I tossed the device to my side and looked around again, realizing Levi was still nowhere in sight. Maybe he was in his bedroom?

I picked up my phone again and went down the hall, noting that his bedroom door was closed. I knocked twice and paused, but hearing no answer, cracked the door open a smidge. Levi was not to be seen. I frowned and pushed the door all the way open. I was halfway to my duffle bag when I noticed the steaming mug of tea on one of the bedside tables. I turned around to see the bathroom door was closed. “Levi?” I called after a moment’s deliberation.

“If you have to piss there’s another bathroom by the garage door,” came my reply.

“No, I’m good,” I said, walking closer to the door. “I was just wondering where you were.”

A second passed before I got another reply. “Clearly you found me. Now can I take my shit in peace, you brat?”

“Oh. Right.” _Well, this is awkward._ “I’m just going to…” I honestly had no clue what I _could_ do in Levi’s house. I was kind of afraid of touching anything. Another yawn forced my mouth open. Right. I was tired. In a room with a bed. How convenient. “…lay down.”

I got no response from Levi, but I figured that meant he had no objections, and went to sprawl myself out on top of the comforter. I didn’t dare get underneath it without showering and changing my clothes again, so I just curled up and closed my eyes. I was a comfortable temperature anyway. The lack of blanket didn’t bother me.

After a few minutes of laying there, my mind blissfully blank despite all the thoughts I could be focusing on, my ears were met with the sound of a muted toilet flush, followed by the rush of water that could only belong to a sink.

I cracked my eyes open as Levi exited the room, coming over to where I lay and joining me. I smiled up at him and rolled myself closer, snaking an arm around his waist and trying to bring more of him into contact with my body. His presence had the kiss from earlier flooding my mind again, and all I could think of was receiving another. I sought out his mouth with my own, a pleased hum vibrating from my throat when I found his lips and began to place lingering, adoring, kisses on them.

Levi inhaled abruptly at the initial contact, his body tense in the first moments of the kiss, but his muscles soon began to slowly uncoil beneath my fingertips. My own gasp of surprise was muffled when Levi flipped himself on top of me, poking just the tip of his tongue past my lips and inviting me to take the kiss deeper.

I let my hands slither around his back and I caressed his tongue from top to bottom. He went stiff again, and I could feel his eyebrows draw into a grimace, but then the cool of his palms were sliding against my hot cheeks, cupping my face and holding me close, and my groin began to throb. I could not stop my hips from rocking just the tiniest bit as I wished for pressure, and, with almost no thought, I moved my hands down to grip at Levi’s ass and push him down into contact with me, inadvertently breaking our kiss in the process because of our height difference.

I looked into Levi’s eyes as I gave my first thrust up, but quickly halted all movement.

“Eren?” Levi questioned me, clearly perplexed by my abrupt halt to our activities.

“Levi… is this okay with you?” I asked, my surge of uncertainty and anxiety unable to be contained.

“Grinding?” He cocked his head, only for his eyebrows to lift with understanding a fraction of a second later. “You are worried because of what happened last night. And this morning,” he inferred.

“Yeah.” I shifted with unease.

“I would not let you if it was not okay, Eren,” he said emphatically. “I still feel like a fucking idiot for yesterday, but I cannot do shit about it now. Trust me, brat. If I ever do not like something, you will know it,” he stated. Relief washed through me, followed closely by desire. I renewed my hold on his ass cheeks and picked up where I left off, beginning to grind our hips together, the firm press of his body against mine pleasurable, but dulled by all of the cloth in the way. I moved my right hand to hover over the button of the jeans Levi had been wearing ever since he got out of the shower, but hesitated.

“Can I…?” I looked up to Levi, who was biting his lip and looking at me in such a sinful way I could have whined at that alone.

“Take them off, Eren.” The order in Levi’s voice sent gratifying jolts down through my pelvis and I _did_ whine as I involuntarily bucked against him.

 _Fuck. It’s been too long since I’ve fucked. But we’re still not fucking. I have self-restraint. But_ shit _it’s so similar to that dream…_ I took in a shuddering breath, trying to get my mind and body back under control. I was no longer an undisciplined teenager. I wouldn’t lose my shit just because Levi gave me a command. It was just so damn _arousing._ I was compelled to test the waters a little.

“Yes, Sir,” I said softly, calming down enough to actually undo the front of his pants and begin pulling them down. I half hoped he did not hear me. The smirk that appeared on his face as he kicked off his jeans told me otherwise.

“Sir?” he queried as he quickly undid my own pants. I lifted my hips to help him get them off, but I still had to hold the edge of my boxers to keep them from sliding off with them. Levi made a scoff of disapproval, getting a better grip on my boxers and pulling them down, too, leaving my cock to rise between us, flushed and ready for more attention. Levi looked down on me like he had uncovered a fine cut of steak, and while I probably should have been turned off by that thought, I only found the attention more titillating. “I think I could get used to that, brat.” I saw a flash of teeth as he smiled at me before he was dragging his own boxer briefs down, and my heart kicked into overdrive. I licked my lips at the sight that was exposed. He had the most fucking perfect dick that I’d ever seen. I swallowed hard and reached out to touch, only to have my hand batted away with a stinging swat. I didn’t have time to feel hurt, though, as Levi was already realigning himself with me and wrapping his hand around the both of us—capturing more of me than himself in his perfectly pressured hold. The only thing that could make this better now would be lube, but I wasn’t going to be picky. I didn’t want Levi to go anywhere until I was covered in come. _Actually…_

I pushed back on his shoulder a second. “Hold on; let me take my shirt off.” Before he could say anything, I tore my shirt from my torso and laid back down, only realizing as I did so that I was fully naked in front of him for the first time. This might have been the first time I’d seen Levi truly speechless, and I drank it in. The part of his lips, which were a little pinker than usual, the way his eyes raked down me in one unbroken sweep as he took in all the skin I was offering him…

“Fuck.” His voice was so breathy my cock twitched again, and Levi noticed. My face grew hotter than it already was.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he repeated. He spread himself over me again and let his hands roam over the new expanse of skin available to him, smoothing his hands over the curves of my shoulders with a gentleness I never would have guessed he possessed just from looking at him. It was like he was worshiping me. My heart swelled and my gut twisted and my groin ached. Levi pinched one of my nipples and I jolted a little, eyes seeking out his face. I drowned in eyes like liquid silver flecked with sapphire and leaned up to kiss him again as though in a trance. Levi nipped at my bottom lip as he finally grasped our members together again and began pumping out a rhythm that had me moaning into his mouth. Levi broke away, panting, and watched my pleasure-wracked expression as he gave attention to the heads. " _Mmmm._ " I whimpered, shyly meeting his eyes. Levi ran the hand that wasn't jerking us off up to my face, simply letting it cup my flushed cheek as he picked up his pace. I unconsciously began giving tiny thrusts into his hold. _Holy fuck. Levi's looking at me like... like..._ "Ah!" We couldn’t have been going at it for more than a minute, but my peak snuck up on me and I was vocalizing short cries, each one caught by another heady kiss from Levi, and all my thoughts were derailed.

As soon as I finished, Levi sat back on his heels and continued jerking himself off, his bottom lip sucked between his teeth as he breathed harshly and unapologetically enjoyed the view of me laying there in my own come. The groan he released as he unloaded on me was one of the sexiest things I’d ever heard, and the images of him panting on top of me were going to be my go-to masturbation material starting tomorrow. Or maybe tonight. Actually, I wouldn’t mind using it right now.

Of course, this being Levi, it only took a minute before the impassioned look in his silvery-blue irises faded as he regained composure, and he began eyeing all the semen on my chest with disdain. I was glad I had the foresight to take my shirt off. I’d only brought one extra, not including my sleep shirt. He moved off the bed and walked straight into the bathroom, not bothering with covering himself again. He came back shortly with a damp towel in hand, and began to clean me off. I squirmed a little under Levi’s scrupulous care, my skin feeling sensitive in the aftermath of orgasm. Levi whapped my belly with the towel, making me yelp.

“Stop squirming, brat,” he instructed. I whined at him, but tried to do as he requested. He finished wiping up and then went to toss the rag away before grabbing his pants and underwear, tugging them back on. I finally heaved myself off the bed and went to retrieve my own clothing from where I’d tossed it about the room.

“Come and wash your hands, Eren.” There was no room for argument in his voice, and even though I really had no clue _why_ he wanted me to wash my hands, since I hadn’t really touched anything, I decided to just go with it. I was feeling very sated and a bit sleepy, so I really couldn’t be bothered to care. Mostly I just wanted to wrap my arms around Levi and cuddle up with a movie or something, and if washing my hands got me that, I would not resist.

As I rubbed my hands underneath the faucet next to Levi’s, my stomach grumbled, effectively making its statement over the sound of the water.

“Hungry again?” Levi inquired, looking at me via the mirror.

I smiled sheepishly. “Guess so.”

Levi shook his fingers off before grabbing the hand towel off its ring and turning to look at me. “I can make us something. I am feeling more of an appetite now.” I nodded. I had almost forgotten Levi hadn’t been feeling well this morning. Apparently he recovered quickly, which was impressive at his age. “Do you want to find something for us to watch on Netflix while I cook?” he offered. I grinned. We were thinking the same thing. “Just no reality shit.” His words carried the clear warning of _‘or else.’_

“Promise!” I chirped, already planning on looking through what he had watched recently to get an idea of his interests. Levi replaced his towel and waited for me to finish up. As soon as I was in arm’s reach, he clasped his hand around mine and led me out toward the kitchen, a smile on my face the whole way.

_This year isn’t starting out too badly._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one look at me.
> 
> I track "STTOFTB" on tumblr, and I also post updates and info under that tag.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren can't win and ends up losing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HALT!
> 
> Before you do ANYTHING else, PLEASE look at this [ AMAZING FANART](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/post/102344142553/for-sometimes-things-turn-out-for-the-best-by) that STTOFTB got by the INCREDIBLY TALENTED [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/)! It's perfect.
> 
> You may ignore me again.
> 
> WOW. It has been a while, but things should be becoming a little more regular again. Thank you for being patient. I hope this is still worth the wait.
> 
> I want to warn you that there may be more typos than usual... I kinda rushed the editing because I wanted to have this up today and have a friend coming over soon. PLEASE help me by pointing my mistakes out so I can fix them! I will love you for it!!
> 
> Thank you all SO MUCH for the support you show this story. It has grown so much, and I will never stop being astounded by all the kudos, comments, hits, etc. THANK YOU! <3
> 
> And now... enjoy?

“Armin!”

The curtain of blond hair blocking Armin’s face from view parted and he uncurled himself from where he was hunched over a book that was probably his hundredth this morning. He looked at me just long enough to betray his relief before bending back over to finish his signature quickly as I made my way over.

I was late. I was beyond fucking late. Everything had gone wrong this morning. It was a wonder I was still alive. I was so frazzled, I almost missed the huge banner advertising Armin’s new novel and the smaller sign under it reading ‘Meet the Author’ that Armin was set up next to.

Just before I made it to the table, a vice of pain ringed itself about my bicep. I closed my eyes, not even needing to look. Or perhaps more accurately, not wanting to look.

“Eren, look at me,” his low, rumbling voice was infused with a darkness that gave me chills, and not the kind I liked.

I slowly swiveled my head to face him, bracing myself for the glare as I peered down into his eyes.

Only it wasn’t quite the steel-tipped harpoon of a gaze I was expecting. Levi’s expression was shadowed with anger, sure, but the pools of his irises were melted with latent worry and guilt sank like a rock in my gut. I was expecting his wrath for not showing up when I said I would, but it never occurred to me that it would actually cause him _anxiety_. After all, the idea of Levi fretting over anyone seemed laughable at first thought. But now that I was looking at him, seeing the tension in his frame, I felt incredibly stupid for ever believing that. Levi was stoic, not heartless. I saw more of how deeply he cared for others by the day. Especially me. Fuck, this man had been showing concern for my wellbeing practically the entire time I knew him. It just took me a while to realize that every time he told me I should eat more or asked if I had destroyed anything lately he was showing me that he cared. It was just difficult to discern that until you had known him for a while.

I pulled him into my arms without thinking; and the next thing I knew I was stumbling backwards, with all traces of vulnerability gone from Levi’s person. “ _Not here_ ,” he hissed.

I swallowed hard and tired to mask the hurt I was feeling. Levi had been so open about us in public that the rejection took me off guard. Then again, we’d never been out when he was on the clock. This was a completely different venue from our usual circumstances, and I knew nothing about Levi’s boundaries when working in public. Clearly I had just crossed one. That didn’t stop me from feeling shitty, though. Here I had caused him distress, and then I went and made things worse by doing something he deemed inappropriate. _I can’t do a fucking thing right today, can I?_ I felt the backs of my eyes burn and my cheeks flush, prompting me to turn away and spare myself further humiliation. I put myself back on track to Armin and tried to wipe my mind of self-effacing thoughts.

“Eren,” Levi’s low voice called to me softly. I stopped, blinking rapidly and trying to pull myself together before he saw my face again. When he stepped up beside me, his features had softened a little. “Come with me,” he requested in that same quiet tone. I let my eyes linger on him a moment, and then nodded. He returned the gesture with a jerk of his own head and then stalked over to Armin, leaving me to hesitantly trail behind him. “Are you okay here on your own for a moment, Arlert?” he queried.

Armin looked up from yet another book and darted his eyes from his editor to me, his eyebrows scrunched together. He looked concerned. I sighed. “I’ll explain it all to you later,” I told him. “I don’t want to interrupt your signing.” Beside me, Levi pulled back the sleeve of his dress shirt and jacket to reveal the immaculate face of his plain wristwatch.

“Actually,” he said as he noted the time, “it is about time for your break now, if you want it, Arlert. It’s almost lunch.” He looked back to Armin to see what he wanted to do.

“Yeah, let’s do that,” he responded immediately, giving me a sympathetic smile. I returned it weakly, thinking that the tub of cookies I’d brought him and movie I’d paid for were such feeble ways to show this man my appreciation for his friendship.

“Last person in line!” Levi called, walking down the fairly short line of fifteen people to the couple standing at the back. The man wrapped his arm protectively around, what I assumed was, his girlfriend. Had I been in a better mood, I probably would have snickered at the situation. “You two are the last until after lunch,” he notified them. My stomach gurgled loudly at the continued mention of food. I hadn’t had anything to eat today.

“Got it,” the young woman spoke up, unconsciously leaning into the taller man behind her a little more. Levi nodded his thanks and then walked back to stand next to me as Armin greeted each fan and made small talk as he signed their books. I tried not to fidget too much as the minutes ticked by at an agonizingly slow pace, doing my best to ignore the gnawing hunger in my stomach. I wished I had my cell phone to distract myself from Levi’s formidable presence next to me, but was forced to seek distraction in watching the people in line instead. Every so often Levi would leave my side to inform a new occupant of the line that they wouldn’t be seen till after the hour lunch break. All except one fan were accepting of this, and even that person sulkily backed off when the store staff became involved and pointed out that the online schedule clearly noted that Armin would be taking a break around lunch.

When the couple at the back of the line finally reached the front, Levi told Armin he was going to head back with me. Armin smiled and spoke his approval before giving his full attention back to his fans.

I stayed a step behind Levi as he guided me to the back left corner of the store, through a door labeled ‘Employees Only,’ and back to what seemed to be a decent-sized break room.

As soon as I had crossed the threshold, Levi swiveled around and shut the door behind me, turning and leaning on it, effectively barricading the door and blocking most of the thin window set above and off to the side of the handle.

He gave a short sigh to the floor, and then lifted his silvery-blue irises to me. He stretched out one hand to me in offering. “Come here, brat.”

I didn’t need to be told twice and instantly had my arms around him, ducking my head into the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled against his skin.

“No,” he said shortly. “I reacted… poorly,” he admitted. “That was not fair to you.” I felt cool fingers twine themselves into the hairs at the base of my head.

“But I…”

“Eren, stop it,” he cut me off firmly. “You had no reason to know I did not want you being affectionate while I was at work. I did not mean to react so strongly,” he said contritely. “It’s just that… before… with Petra… since she was working under me, distinct boundaries were needed between our private and work lives. It is not that I did not want it, brat.”

I smiled a little, feeling my shitty mood lift a bit, and I squeezed him tighter. “Clearly.”

Levi squirmed in my hold, trying to loosen my arms so he could look at me. I held him for a second longer, cherishing his warmth and his smell before complying with his unspoken request.

As soon as we had some distance between us, he asked me what I had been waiting for since I first entered the bookstore. “So what happened to you that made you an hour and 43 minutes late, you shit?”

There was a knock on the door.

 _How does he_ do _that?_ I wondered as Levi pulled away from the door and let Armin in. I sincerely doubted he would have eavesdropped. Armin was too polite for that sort of thing, at least when he knew it involved something I considered personal. Plus, he knew he could ask me about it and I was 90% likely to tell him, anyway.

Levi, however, didn’t know that. “Your timing is eerily perfect, Arlert,” he noted suspiciously. Armin gave him a blank look.

“Is it?” he asked interestedly. I just finished talking to the staff about when I would be back. “I take it I didn’t miss the explanation, then?” He looked to me for an answer.

“No,” I said tiredly. “Levi just asked,” I informed him.

“And?” Levi prompted once more.

I took a deep breath. “Well, first my alarm didn’t go off this morning because, even though it was plugged into the charger, something broke and it didn’t get any power all night. No matter what outlet I plugged it into, it just didn’t work, so I had no way to contact either of you.” I looked back and forth between the two of them, Armin looking compassionate and Levi frowning slightly. “Then,” I continued frustration seeping further into my tone with every word, “I got into my car and the fucking thing wouldn’t turn over.  Hopefully it’s just the battery, but neither of our neighbors were home, and without my phone, I couldn’t call anyone for a jump, either. So I went to the nearest bus stop, where, of course, the next bus was 40 minutes late. Oh, and because I was in such a rush to get ready and get over here, I haven’t eaten anything,” I finished peevishly.

“Eren, that’s awful,” Armin said after a beat.

“Sounds like shit,” Levi agreed, his face carefully neutral.

“Pretty much,” I lamented.

“Well, let’s go get some food. The store offered to get us something, but we decided to go out and get some fresh air,” he gestured to Levi. “He gets to stand, at least, but I want to stretch my legs.”

“Yes, please; I’m starving,” I gave a genuine smile of gratitude. “So you’ve had lots of people, I take it?” I asked Armin as Levi opened the door for us.

Armin’s face lit up. “Yep. We didn’t have very many in the morning—early Sunday, you know—but around 11 we had quite the line. Things were just dwindling down again when you showed up.”

“Arlert, stop saying ‘we,’” Levi said disapprovingly. “None of those people came for me. They are all for you.” Even though Levi’s voice was stiff, it was clear that he was trying to encourage Armin.

“Yes, but I don’t make stories that sell by myself,” Armin protested. “They wouldn’t be nearly as good without you.”

“Stop trying to give me credit for your creativity, kid,” Levi said flatly, opening an exit to the outside and letting us file through into an alleyway to the side of the bookstore. “I just cut and polish. I bring out the best in something already good. It’s a talent, but you’d still have readers even without me.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think I’d have a chance at being recognized like this if not for you. It’s kind of amazing…” Armin laughed happily, and I felt myself unwind listening to their lighthearted banter. “I never thought I’d be popular enough for a book signing so shortly after I started getting published.”

 _I think Armin is the only one surprised by that._ “You write really well, Armin,” I contributed.

“Listen to the brat,” Levi supported.

“You know I normally don’t like to read, but your books are… I don’t know… but when I start one I just don’t know how to stop.” I was distracted for a minute as Levi briefly touched his hand to the small of my back to guide me around a corner instead of letting me walk straight ahead, like I’d been about to do. That was the last thing I needed—to get hit by a car. “The way you write characters, I always want to know more. You make me feel like I know them, but there’s always still something more I want to know, and I know you’ll tell me, eventually. …Am I making any sense?” I asked them.

“I get what you mean,” Armin said, his cheeks looking pink.

“Armin, are you blushing?” I poked him in the side.

He fixed me with a very unthreatening glare. “It’s cold,” he defended.

“Uh-huh,” I drawled.

“Shut up, Eren,” he muttered, sinking down into the collar of his jacket a little. I glanced over at Levi and noticed the upward tilt to his lips.

We walked one more block and then Armin and Levi came to a stop in unison. I took an extra step before processing they had halted, and stopped to look at where we had arrived.

“Reeves Deli,” I read aloud.

“Yep,” Armin piped. “It’s really good. They make everything themselves. It’s family owned.”

“Oh, cool,” I responded automatically, as Armin opened the door for us. I stepped inside and felt sweet, warm air that smelled like baking bread sting my cold cheeks. I warmed within seconds and was already stripping off my coat as we approached the counter.

Armin and Levi ordered pretty much immediately, clearly having been here before. They bought their meals with a company debit card from Survey. When I finally figured out what I wanted, Levi stopped me from paying by handing the stocky young man behind the counter his personal credit card, giving me a look that dared me to say something. I didn’t.

Since we had come right at the lunchtime rush, all the tables by the windows were already full, leaving us to choose between a table in the back corner, or a few in the center of the dining area. Levi guided us to the corner table, sitting down in the chair against the wall, leaving Armin and I to sit across from him as we waited for our order numbers to be called.

“How long are you planning on sticking around, Eren?” Armin asked me as we got settled.

“Uh, well, the signing ends at 2, right?” I looked to Armin and he nodded his confirmation. “I think I’ll stick around until then.” I sighed heavily. “It’s not like I can do anything else without one of you to help me with my car, so I might as well,” I gave them both a sardonic smile that turned more genuine as I continued. “Plus, it’s not like I’d _rather_ be someplace else.” I nudged Armin’s arm with my elbow gently and was rewarded with a smile and a prod in return. Something bumped my leg under the table and I started before realizing it was Levi. Or at least, it was if Levi’s sly smirk was anything to go by.

“24! 25!” A tenor voice called out from the counter. Armin glanced down at the paper in his hands, but Levi was already on his feet, not requiring a second look to resolve his certainty that those were their numbers. He was handing Armin his sandwich and fries when the man called out again, “26!”

I made to rise, but found myself stilled by Levi’s hand, soundlessly telling me to stay put while he retrieved my order. It wasn’t until he was on his way back and giving me an odd look that I realized I had a dopey little smile on my face. It grew as he drew closer and gave me my basket of food, and I gave him a quiet ‘thank you’ and waited for him to get seated and pick up his own sandwich before tucking into mine.

I nodded as I chewed my first bite, unspeakably grateful to finally be getting some food in my system. Armin was right about it being good. I wasted no time devouring the rest of my meal, not at all bothered by the silence between us.

“Eren, you forgot to get yourself something to drink,” Armin pointed out as I licked the last of the salt from my fries off my fingers. Levi was giving me a barely concealed look of disgust. I quickly stopped and immediately noticed how thirsty I was.

I looked at the completely unused paper cup sitting in from of me and snatched it up. “Be right back,” I told them as I headed to the other side of the restaurant, where the drink dispensers were. To my disappointment, they carried Pepsi instead of Coke, but I filled my cup up to the brim with the cola anyway and headed back to our table. Levi was looking at his watch again.

“You two shits ready to head back?” he asked offhandedly.

“Yes, Sir,” Armin, ever the polite one, replied. I just stood there and waited for them to stand up. Levi had apparently already collected our trash and disposed of it while I was getting my drink.

“Let’s go,” he ushered us to move towards the door.

The walk back to the bookstore seemed shorter than the walk there—probably because my stomach was no longer trying to digest itself. I sipped my Pepsi quietly while Levi flipped through his phone, reporting online sales of Armin’s novel were going well, and that he should have some tentative stats on how it was doing in stores by tomorrow.

We turned down the alleyway we had come out of earlier, and Levi keyed in a code on a small pad next to the door. A mechanic whirl and click later, and we were once more enveloped by the smell of paper and ink.

Armin stopped just inside and turned his vibrant blue eyes on me. “Do you want to sit with me, Eren?” Armin questioned.

I looked at him dubiously. “Am I allowed to?”

“Of course. Levi should be sitting at the table with me, too, but he’s too much of a micro-manager.”

I followed the trajectory of Armin’s eyes over to where my boyfriend was standing with his arms crossed.

“No one ever handles the crowd as well,” Levi justified.

“You scare the crap out of them,” Armin deadpanned.

“Good. When they are scared they are less likely to hit on me.” My ears perked up at that.

“You get hit on?” I asked him.

Armin snickered. “What was the one that you got right after my first book made it big and the Shiganshina city newspaper interviewed us? ‘Wanna get something later short, dark, and handsome?’”

“No,” I said disbelievingly. I looked to Levi for verification.

“Bitch had the gall to grab my hand,” he spat venomously.

“Oo.” I cringed sympathetically, knowing what I huge infraction that was. “Was that the worst one?”

“Yes, but I have not enjoyed any of the other attempts, either,” he replied stiltedly.

I stepped a little closer to him, and leaned close to speak softly near his ear. “What about when I try it?” I murmured.

Levi instantly pulled back, looking affronted as Armin quickly began walking down the hallway, awkwardly calling over his shoulder, “Okay, I think that’s my cue to get back out there…”

“Oi, Arlert, don’t piss your pants. We are coming,” he gave me a pointed glare.

Despite what I was about to say, I really was a mature adult, honest.

“Coming?” I raised one eyebrow at him and smiled. Levi’s eyes turned dark with warning and Armin groaned.

“Eren, _stop_ ,” he pleaded.

“Sorry, sorry,” I laughed. “Come on, Armin,” I joined him farther up the hallway, “I’ve had an awful day, let me have my fun.” Armin gave me an unimpressed look that I ignored.

“That is all shits and sunshine, but you had better behave yourself when we go back out there, brat,” Levi all but commanded.

“I know, I know,” I said, rolling my eyes and feeling my mood deflate a little bit at the lack of trust. “I’ll be good,” I said with a touch of vexation, making to follow Armin out the door that led back into the bookstore.

The grip on my ass made me pause, however.

“If you manage it, there might be a reward for you, brat,” Levi purred along the shell of my ear. He gave my butt cheek a squeeze and a pat before promptly walking out the door, leaving me thoroughly frozen where I stood.

~~~

Eventually I managed to uproot myself from that back hallway and joined Armin and Levi out front. It was surprisingly fun chatting with Armin’s fans and seeing what weird shit they would want him to write in their books. Fortunately, (or unfortunately), no one wanted anything _too_ outlandish, but I had a much harder time composing my face than Armin seemed to when one guy wanted Armin to make his book out to his cat.

Levi stayed standing for the most part, but I did notice his tendency to drift closer if any of the guests spent much time talking to me. I was strangely touched by the subtle display of possessiveness.

By the time the signing was officially over and the three of us exited the building, however, my spirits were down in the sewer again. Just thinking about my car set my nerves on edge. If it was anything other than the battery, it was likely to be expensive on a budget-stretching scale. Not to mention I’d have to figure out how I was getting to work if the car needed to be taken in. And I needed a new charger, since my old one was busted.

I sighed for the hundredth time that day and kicked a rock into the street from where we stood, hovering in the alleyway as Armin and Levi solidified plans to take a few weeks off from meeting, since Armin had just completed a major work. I was so absorbed in gloomy thoughts that I didn’t even notice Armin calling my name.

“…ren. Eren?” I jolted and lifted my head up.

“Huh? Sorry?”

“I was asking you who you wanted to go home with?” My eyes instinctually sought out Levi, and Armin gave a soft chuckle. “I should have known,” he looked at me fondly. “I’ll see you later, okay? Have Levi text me if you’re not coming back.”

I gave him a wavering twitch of my lips. “You’re the best.”

Armin blushed a little and was quick to wave me off. “Both of you stay safe. Thanks again for everything, Levi,” he told him with deep sincerity.

“Just doing my job, Arlert. Enjoy the time off while you have it,” Levi dryly suggested.

Armin smiled as he walked backwards down the sidewalk, presumably toward where he had parked his car. “I will. Bye!”

“Bye,” I called after him weakly. Levi raised a brow at my lackluster behavior.

“You okay there, brat?” The concern in the words was faint, but I picked it up clear as day. I shook my head.

“Can I touch you now?” I asked meekly, feeling tired and in need of a hug.

Levi didn’t say anything, just dragged me down into his arms. I clung to him until I felt him begin to shift with discomfort, and then reluctantly withdrew from him, but stayed close.

“Give me your hands,” Levi demanded as soon as I pulled away.

“What?” I queried, dumbfounded.

“Give me your hands,” he repeated, not bothering to elaborate further.

I complied in lifting my hands and quickly realized what Levi was after as he flipped one of my hands over and squeezed a generous dollop of hand sanitizer onto my palm.

“Rub,” he instructed. I obeyed, watching as he, too, cleansed his hands.

As soon as we both had rubbed the germ-killing substance in to his satisfaction, he wove our fingers together and slowly brought my fingers to his lips. Warmth ignited in me at the action, and I was so overcome by the need to kiss him that I didn’t even care that two figures were making their way down our side of the street and could probably see what we were doing. I leaned in slowly, giving him time to decide if the shadow of the alley was enough concealment for him to be comfortable. When he didn’t retreat, I pressed in further, capturing his lips in a brief, but tender kiss.

“Fag,” I overheard someone mutter as he passed by us. I looked up to see a pair of douche-bags—one with his pants _literally_ halfway down his ass (how did they even stay up?), and the other one wearing not one, but two Beanies (tie-dye and plaid _don’t_ go together). Double-Beanie snickered loudly, not even trying to be discrete, leaving me to infer that Half-Ass was the one to have spoken. My hand reflexively curled into a fist as my lip twisted up into a sneer.

“Why don’t you say that to my face, asshole,” I snapped, not even realizing it was me that had called out before I felt Levi’s strong fingers wrap around my arm.

“Choke on a dick, son of a bitch!”

I felt something snap inside me, my exhaustion quickly transforming into fury. I had _finally_ been having a nice moment with my boyfriend. One that I had been wanting all day. And then _these_ fucking assholes happened.

 _Oh,_ fuck _no._

That was the last fucking straw. Everything except the last couple of hours had been complete and utter shit today, and decking those two assholes where it hurt was just what I needed to improve my mood. I rubbed my hands together, ready to stalk forward before a tug on my arm reminded me I was tethered to my partner.

“Eren,” Levi spoke in a timbre that managed to be both warning and soothing. “Don’t. They aren’t fucking worth it.”

I stood there, rage rising like wisps of smoke from deep within as I was forced to watch those two shitstains walk away. As soon as they were out of sight, I jerked my bicep out of Levi’s grasp. He tensed, as though expecting to have to intercept me as I pursued them, but I turned the other way instead, huffing out a charged breath as I paced away, trying to remember all that shit I’d been taught about controlling my anger.

“Fuck!” I shouted in frustration, making a couple of women passing by startle and then glare disapprovingly as they hurried on.

In an instant, Levi’s hand was gripping my arm again, this time a vice I knew I wouldn’t be able to break out of even if I tried. Reluctantly, I let him guide me into the alley next to the bookstore and cage me against the side of the building.

Levi didn’t say anything, though his painful hold loosened as soon as he had placed me where he liked. I refused to look at him, seething.

“Eren, calm down,” he said in that sickeningly passive voice of his. It had the equivalent effect of snipping the wrong wire when trying to diffuse a bomb.

My eyes snapped to his and I immediately crowded his space. “Why the fuck should I calm down, Levi?” I fumed. “I’m so fucking _sick_ of people like them! What the fuck is so wrong with just wanting to kiss my boyfriend in public without being insulted for it?” Halfway through my mini-tirade my voice had turned pleading, my eyes beginning to burn for the second time that day, and this time I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fight it off. I couldn’t look into Levi’s eyes while tears spilled down my cheeks. I took a step back and whirled around, slamming my fist into the brick and grimacing at the pain as I pressed my eyes into my forearm and allowed the liquid blurring my vision to spill. “Fuck.” My voice cracked.

“Hey,” Levi’s voice was soft, as were the fingers that brushed along my shoulder, like he was testing out the safety of physical contact. I sniffled, but didn’t make a move to reject his touch.

“How can you be so indifferent?” I entreated him to answer, words breaking with the strain of emotion.

Levi didn’t answer right away, perhaps in fear of saying the wrong thing. Or maybe he just didn’t have an answer. I rubbed my eyes on my sleeve and turned back to him, surprised to find his blue eyes aflame.

“I am not indifferent,” he stated firmly. Had I not been looking into his eyes, I knew I wouldn’t have believed him, but I could not deny the truth pouring from his irises in spades.

“Well you sure as hell act like it,” I bit back, still feeling bitter that here I was, a mess after one stupid little insult, while he remained composed.

“Do not think for a second that I am okay with those two bastards,” Levi said, some of the heat from his eyes bleeding into his voice. “There was a time when I would have chased them down, just like you were about to. But trust me when I say it is just not worth it. In another fifteen years, your perspective’ll change too, kid.”

The anger that had barely subsided blazed back to life. A distant part of me realized that I wasn’t angry at Levi at all, but the words still poured in a torrent from my lips. “Don’t you fucking dare pull the ‘kid’ card on me right now, Levi,” I hissed at him.

I watched as his eyes widened ever so fractionally. I immediately felt guilty, but now that the words were out of my mouth, I was too stubborn to take them back.

“Eren…” Levi sealed his lips and shifted, looking out the mouth of the alley like the things he wanted to say might be written on the Chinese restaurant across the street. He huffed out a tired-sounding sigh and looked back at me, all the fight gone out of his eyes. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

I let my eyelids, which were suddenly so heavy, fall closed and slumped against the wall behind me. I took slow breaths, mulling over the words offered to me and doing my utmost to quash the scared voice in the corner of my mind that whispered _what if Levi really sees me as a child?_ We’d been over that enough. It was just hard to remember that in the middle of a breakdown. And Levi was right. It was stupid. I wasn’t even that upset that Levi and I had been insulted. I’d heard the same word off of dozens of lips. It was just the culmination of a shit day. All the little things added up and the passing insults were the breaking point. Something about having the little bubble of happiness I’d finally found with Levi in the horribleness of today popped just threw me off the edge. Levi didn’t deserve my wrath. He was trying to help give me perspective, not patronize me.

I dug the heels of my palms into my eyes and forced myself to count backwards by threes from 100. As my heart rate finally began to slow, I silently raised my arms up and out, not yet bothering to open my eyes. I sniffled a little, trying to keep my nose from running. I’d been doing so well since that incident with my ex-coworker. I supposed it couldn’t last forever. I was bound to lose it eventually, and Levi was bound to witness it. It was sheer fantasy to think it could have been otherwise. It was important your partner accept all of you, right? After a pause long enough for my arms to start to feel the tiredness of resisting gravity, I felt the sturdy form of my partner slip between my arms, which I immediately wrapped around him.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed into his hair.

“Shut up,” he returned gently, one hand running along my side, while the other soothingly massaged my neck. I went limp in his arms as all the fight drained out of me, leaving me feeling empty. The hand on my neck moved to the side of my face, and the next thing I knew, a sweet kiss was pressed to my lips, filling the void in me with the fullness of affection. I melted against Levi’s mouth, savoring every renewal of contact between us and temporarily forgetting about everything that had gone wrong today.

When Levi withdrew, I found myself holding my breath in response to the look he was giving me. The look that Jean had told me about. The look he gave me on New Year’s Eve, at the party, and New Year’s Day, when we rutted together. The look he apparently had been giving me on all sorts of occasions I’d never noticed before, but I certainly noticed now.

It both thrilled and terrified me.

I was so focused on thoughts of what that look meant that I was startled with what Levi said next, “You ready to go home, brat?”

I blinked myself out of my reverie, taking a moment to process his question. “Oh. Yeah, that would be good,” I sighed, thinking of everything I would have to deal with when I got home.

“Or…” he paused, thinking his words over with care, “I could help you troubleshoot your car now, and then you could come with me back to my place? You could use one of my phone chargers. And if your car is still not working, then I’ll drop you off at work in the morning, if you don’t mind getting up a little early.”

A surge of emotion went through me and I felt my eyes threaten to water again. He’d just witnessed me in one of my lower moments, and not only did he help calm me down, he didn’t seem off-put by my outburst at all. I did my best to swallow the lump in my throat at how perfect this man was. _Well, maybe not perfect, but… we fit._ I smiled at that thought, tightening my hold on him a little more. _Yeah. We fit._

“I would love that,” I answered with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I track STTOFTB on tumblr and post story-relevant things under that tag, too. I also track my url name, resmiranda13.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and please tell me if there are typos! ^_^


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren gets to know Farlan and Isabel better, and Levi and Eren finally talk about Jean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, I lied on several accounts. I had NO idea this was going to take me so long to get out, BUT in fairness, it turned out to be over 10k, and the times when I’ve gotten chapters out quicker, it has been because they were 4-6k. So… twice the time, and twice the words. It evens out right?! (I’m sorry.)
> 
> Anyway~ I CANNOT BELIEVE this has broken 800 kudos!! (I still think 20 is a lot. This is so many 20’s). Thank you all so much for the support. Every kudos, bookmark, comment, subscription, and hit amaze and motivate me. <3
> 
> Also, thanks to [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/) for betaing this chapter! ^_^
> 
> …Enjoy?

Levi was driving me insane.

Not in a bad way, though. Well, it was bad for my work, but not for us. No, as far as our relationship was concerned, it seemed we were more sickeningly into each other than ever, if anyone’s comments meant anything. Only Levi got less attention, since the bastard retained the look of ambivalent asshole if even one other person was around (and even if he didn’t, one look from him ensured silence). Thanks to that, even _Levi’s_ friends focused on teasing the shit out of me.

Apparently I now had a propensity to stare out windows ‘longingly’ and smile ‘cutely’ anytime I got a text from Levi, and those were the nicer ones. I was still pretending the sex jokes a select few of my so-called friends were making never happened. Who _the fuck_ in their right mind would use hand sanitizer as _lube_? Not even Levi was that fucked up or cruel.

I turned my gaze away from my computer screen, where I’d just finished entering the packing slips that had just come in, and out into the parking lot. I had been doing this all morning, validating every teasing word that had been said to me about it, and it was the lack of a certain black Porsche that was driving me crazy. My car and the three belonging to my coworkers were still the only ones in sight.

The issue with my car three weeks ago had turned out to be not the battery itself, but the alternator. It was spendy, but not as bad as I had feared. Levi still offered to help me out, but I declined, not feeling comfortable taking that kind of money from him. I knew it was basically nothing for him, since he made plenty and rarely bought expensive things, but it would have made _me_ feel like I owed him something, and I didn’t like that. So the last few weeks I had been a little more conservative, not making any impulsive purchases, and had cut back on my coffee runs. It had left me a little crosser than usual, resulting in both my coworkers _and_ Armin telling me to take a break and call Levi.

_At least they’re accepting, I guess._

I sighed and reluctantly tore my gaze away from the outside and to the next piece of paper in my inbox.

Ever since the first of the year, Levi’d been taking me out to lunch once a week, and on those days it was a battle to get _anything_ done before 1. I knew I was totally smitten, and everyone was justified in mocking me for it because it was really quite pathetic.

I finally picked up the scrap of paper I’d been staring a hole through for the last several seconds as I thought about my boyfriend. It was a note from Petra telling me we needed to check the reseller permits and make sure we called for new ones if any of them had expired. _Great._

My dismay at the impending task did not last long, however, as the familiar soft purr of Levi’s car met my ears. My phone buzzed a second later.

_Get your ass out here, brat._

I smiled at the message, only to realize what I was doing a second later.

_Dammit, they’re right. They’re all fucking right._

I was grumbling to myself as I gathered my wallet and keys. “I’m going out, Petra!” I called back to her.

“Have fun! Tell Levi ‘hi,’” she yelled back.

“Sure!” I opened the door to the chill noon air. I shivered and looked up to the blinding light in the sky, cursing it for deceiving me and making me believe I could get away without a heavier jacket because it wasn’t covered by clouds today.

 _One day you’ll get what you deserve and explode_. I gave the painfully bright orb in the sky a narrow-eyed glare as I opened Levi’s passenger side and slipped in (although, if I was being honest, I was mostly squinting at it because it fucking hurt to stare at the sun after the dim indoor lighting I’d been subjected to all morning.)

“What are you muttering about this time?” my favorite dry and deep voice asked me.

I couldn’t even be bothered to be embarrassed this time. Well, maybe a little embarrassed—but nowhere near as bad as it had been a few weeks prior. I was finally adjusting to Levi witnessing the extent of my dumbass. “The sun,” I answered bluntly.

Levi gave me a look that efficaciously conveyed his blend of _why-am-I-dating-you-again_ and _why-am-I-not-surprised_ , but I only responded with a smile, stupidly happy that he was looking at me at all.

Even _I_ wanted to slap myself for that.

_I had better not let Jean see me looking like that. That would be a disaster._

An image of his sad smile flashed through my mind and I blinked a few times to shake the picture and refocus on my current partner. It was true that I still hadn’t told Levi about anything that had happened on New Year’s Eve, but now wasn’t the time. Now we were going to have lunch. I’d been waiting for lunch all day.

Levi drove us to, as was becoming customary, _Mari’s_. It was more of a drive from Trost to the café than it was from my apartment, but it had the perks of being rather romantic, since it was the location of our first date (unrecognized as it may have been on my part at the time), _and_ being a place Levi was comfortable being served food. Not to mention the fact I was getting to know two of the people who were like family to Levi. Or more accurately, I was getting to know one of those people, and was mildly acquainted with the other. Farlan just couldn’t leave the kitchen for very long to talk, but he seemed nice. A very different personality from Isabel, but looking at Levi and me, who was I to judge what worked? Even though our fire and ice temperaments may have seemed to be too extreme to work out on paper, we actually were managing to balance each other well. I thought so, anyway. And Armin agreed, which was all I really needed as proof.

Levi had hardly opened the door for me when Isabel caught sight of us and quickly pardoned herself from the booth she was at to see to us personally, a huge grin on her face as she waved off the hostess on duty.

“You’re back!” she chirped happily. “This is, what? The third week in a row? Is this going to be a weekly occurrence?” Her green eyes sparkled in delight at the thought.

“Oi, don’t piss yourself. I’ve just had good fortune with work lately. Eren, too.” Levi replied prickly.

Isabel’s smile, if anything, grew broader at his lack of outright denial. “It’s not nice to lie, Big Bro. I don’t buy that for a minute. You _always_ say you’re too busy with work. There’s no way you’ve just been lucky three weeks in a row!” I looked over to Levi curiously and found him gazing vacantly at a wall to the right of us. Both my cheeks and heart warmed a little at the implication.

“Aw, he’s blushing!” Isabel cried, a little too loudly for my liking. I shifted uncomfortably and Levi finally returned his attention to me. Our eyes met and the faintest of smiles passed across his lips before his features sharpened as he turned on Isabel once more.

“Just show us to our table, you brat.” Levi’s voice was gruff, but not without affection. Isabel clearly realized this, seeing as her demeanor was not affected in the least as she whirled around and practically skipped over to our usual booth, which, suspiciously, was just as empty and impeccably clean as it had been the last two Fridays we had come here.

“Do you know what you want?” she asked as we took our places across from one another. Levi shifted to look at me and gave a barely perceptible raise of his eyebrows.

“Um, I think I’d like a menu,” I said a bit sheepishly.

“Sure!” Isabel looked downright impish as she handed a menu over to me. She turned to Levi, who merely shook his head, declining her unspoken offer. Instead of disappearing with the usual promise to be back briefly, however, she remained hovering at the edge of our table, twisting on her feet and looking uncommonly tentative. “Hey, Big Bro?” she said rather softly, “Would you… Farlan and I both end our shifts in half an hour, if you’d like some company?” Her vibrant irises darted to me before refocusing on Levi, looking both hesitant and hopeful.

My eyes locked with Levi’s yet again, and I gave a slight shrug of my shoulders, smiling. As much as I loved stolen time with Levi, the middle of a restaurant wasn’t very private, anyway, and I was quite eager to know more about these people that had been close to Levi for so long.

Levi’s expression didn’t actually change, but his eyes seemed a little brighter as he responded, “Do whatever you want.”

Isabel instantly perked up and looked two strings short of snapping and throwing her arms around Levi. Or me. “Yes! I’ll go tell him! Don’t worry, Bro, I’ll still make sure he’s the one to make your food before he clocks out!” she assured as she practically danced her way back to the kitchens.

“You are sure you don’t mind?” Levi immediately asked.

I shook my head, smiling happily. “Not at all. I’ve really enjoyed chatting with Isabel when we’ve come here. Farlan seems nice, too. Besides, they’re important to you, so of course I want to get to know them.”

Levi averted his gaze again, a quiet tell to his repressed pleasure, prompting me to reach over the table and snag his left hand from where it rested atop the polished surface.

Levi looked at me with a muted sort of surprise in his eyes, but made no effort to protest my actions. Instead, he seemed to relax that much more, almost unnoticeably rubbing his thumb against the side of my hand. I opened my menu with the other hand and began glossing over its contents, not feeling in the mood for any one thing in particular. I ended up settling on just a standard cheeseburger sans pickles, and pushed my menu away a moment later after looking over the desserts briefly.

I looked up at Levi, who already had his attention focused on me, and smiled for the thousandth time since he pulled into Trost Supplies. “So—”

“Ready to order?” Isabel popped up next to our table and exclaimed before I could get more than one syllable of my question out. She was looking at me expectantly and I fumbled to respond. “Yeah, uh, a cheeseburger… without pickles, please?”

Isabel scrunched up her nose. “Ew, pickles. Good call. How do you want that done?”

“Medium-well, please.”

She smiled. “So polite. And a Coke?” she raised one delicate eyebrow at me.

“Yep,” I confirmed.

“And I know what you want, Bro,” she said confidently with a glance to Levi. Levi gave her a little nod. “Okay! I’ll be right back with your drinks and then I’m just going to join you. Farlan will bring out our food when he’s done and join us,” she informed before bouncing away again, checking on the tables to the left of us.

I once again turned to Levi. “So…” I started again, “how has your day been?”

“I have had shittier,” Levi said with a small hum of satisfaction. “I am working with advertising to promote a book that’s coming out on Valentine’s Day. It is the fifth book of a series that has been gaining popularity, so we’re doing a midnight release of it.”

“Oh! I think Armin has told me something about that one.” I scraped the walls of my mind for the memory, a flash of leather coming to mind. “Doesn’t it involve bondage or something?”

The rather warm expression on Levi’s face morphed into one that was fighting to be flat disbelief or chagrined amusement.

“Bondage?” he parroted, eyes boring into me.

“I don’t remember!” I exclaimed defensively.

“Clearly,” he scoffed, a hint of a laugh in his voice. “How do you function in everyday life? Your memory is shit.”

“That’s what cell phones are for,” I told him seriously.

Levi’s gaze turned almost pitying. “It is a good thing you were not born a decade or two earlier.”

I went stiff.

Something about being reminded of are age gap in the middle of lighthearted banter hit me. The technology he had growing up and what I had were practically from two different worlds. Even though we seemed to have a number of commonalities, there were still some pretty extreme differences in our world experiences. I softened my wary gaze and looked over his features carefully, momentarily fantasizing over what could have happened between us if I had met him at my current age twenty years in the past.

_I wish I had been._

Levi froze.

My eyes widened.

“Shit,” I breathed, withdrawing my now-clammy hand from his and scanning his face for a hint of his thoughts, but his expression was carefully guarded, a perfect mask that I wasn’t too used to seeing these days. “Not that—I didn’t—” I jumped several inches in my seat as Isabel materialized _out of fucking nowhere_ with a tray of drinks carried in one hand.

“A hot tea for Big Bro…” she carefully set a pre-filled cup and a small ceramic teapot on the table in front of Levi, “and a Coke for his beau,” she winked at me, and I immediately flushed.

“Isabel, never say that word again,” Levi growled, seemingly recovered from his shock. I wasn’t sure if her interruption was ultimately favorable or not, but at least he wasn’t just blankly staring at me anymore. I found myself disdaining the mask he put on anytime it was directed at me, even if I understood the reasons behind its existence.

Maybe I was just trying to skip levels in our relationship—greedily grab for trust that I hadn’t earned yet—but I didn’t want him to hide behind pretenses. Especially not when he had seen me at so many of my lesser moments. Even the times when he shared personal things with me felt too deliberate, too controlled. The only time I really felt I had seen Levi uninhibited was the night he was inebriated, and that night had been so painful for both of us that I was not eager to get him in that situation again. I kept spewing out my thoughts like a geyser, while Levi remained reserved. Maybe the times where I slipped up were just making things worse. Who knew what Levi was thinking of what I had said? He probably was assuming that I was starting to think he was too old. That was the last thing I needed.

Isabel’s laugh brought me out of my brooding, and I realized that she must have left and come back during the time I spent lost in my head, seeing as the tray she had brought our drinks on was now nowhere in sight. She plopped herself down on the seat next to me with a too bright smile. “I’m so glad we get to do this,” she said animatedly. “I’ve been telling Farlan all about you, but nothing is as good as the real thing! Bro’s been so much happier since you started dating; I can just tell,” she gushed, making my cheeks heat once again.

“Isabel,” Levi cut in harshly, voice commanding. Isabel laughed him off.

“Take it easy, Bro! I think he deserves to know the difference he’s making. I can’t remember the last time you seemed so relaxed. Anyone who can do that to you is okay in my book!” She flashed another grin at me, and I smiled sheepishly in return, not knowing what to say, and somewhat afraid to turn to Levi for help.

I took a long sip of my Coke.

“So,” Isabel drawled when the silence remained. “What were you talking about?”

I choked on my Coke and started coughing violently.

“Whoa!” Isabel started thumping me roughly on my back, trying to be helpful, but causing me to pitch forward and knock my face into my glass.

I heard Isabel gasp as I jerked my head up so fast my neck cracked, only to see Levi’s fingers wrapped securely around the top of the glass, the liquid a millimeter away from spilling over, but not a drop past the rim. I coughed a few more times, nervous system slowly calming now that I knew everything was okay. Levi righted my glass and nudged it towards me. I shot him a look of gratitude and took a tentative few sips, the occasional wheeze still occurring as I finished clearing my airways and soothing my throat.

“Oops.” Isabel looked like a kid who knew she’d done something wrong, but was more amused than sorry.

“You got lucky, you brat,” Levi told her darkly. She instantly went pale, and I couldn’t blame her. I would have been terrified of what a Coke-drenched Levi would do, too, no matter how much affection he probably harbored for me.

“What’d she do this time, Levi?” In the aftermath of the near-fiasco, I hadn’t noticed Farlan draw up next to us, a waiter behind him holding a large platter with dishes of food. He quickly helped pass around the meals, thanking his coworker, who nodded at him with a smile, before pulling out the remaining chair next to Levi and seating himself stiffly, like he had been on his feet for a while. He turned to Levi for an answer.

“She smashed my boyfriend’s face into his drink and almost spilled it on me,” Levi said, giving Isabel a provocative look. She rose to the bait without hesitation.

“He was coughing! I was trying to _help_!” She threw her hands in the air, narrowly missing slapping me in the face. _I’m almost starting to think she’s more dangerous than Hanji._

“You do have a tendency to overdo it, Izzy,” Farlan gingerly admitted, much to Isabel’s indignation.

“Farlan!”

“You know he is just telling the truth.”

“Levi!”

She looked between the two of them, shaking her head in disappointment before turning to survey me. I stared back, wide-eyed.

“Oi, don’t look at him. He hardly knows you,” Levi chided.

Isabel puffed up her cheeks and blew air out of them. “I can’t win with any of you,” she huffed.

“Hey, why don’t we actually eat before this food I slaved over gets cold,” Farlan suggested.

“Oh, stop being dramatic. It’s been, like, two minutes.” She smiled at Farlan and a second later he jolted, making me suspect Isabel had given him a friendly kick under the table. He gave her a warm smile and then gestured to the food again, picking up his own burger. “Come on. Let’s eat.”

We all did as he suggested and gave our attention to our food. Levi took out a small bottle of hand sanitizer and offered some to me, which I accepted. He then squeezed a dollop into his own palm. The unpleasantly strong aroma of vaguely lemon-scented rubbing alcohol wasn’t the best combo to go with the delicious smell of toasted bread and cooked meats, but I knew it made Levi feel better about kissing me if I didn’t put things into my mouth with unsanitary hands. I would take the small graces. Levi himself was going so far as to cut his sandwich with a fork and knife, still not trusting his fingers to be clean enough.

 _I wish I could help him with that._ I knew there wasn’t really anything I could do for him right now, though, except be there for him. I pushed the mildly depressing thoughts away and took a large bite of burger, the juiciness of perfectly cooked beef mixing with sweet tomato, the zing of onion, and the subtle tang of some mystery condiment. In short, it was delicious. I moaned around my mouthful, chewing slowly to appreciate every morsel, and then peered up to Farlan, intending to tell him how good it was. I just couldn’t quite get the words out when I found the other three occupants of the table gawking at me, Isabel with her mouth slightly open. The furnaces in my cheeks stoked to life and I shifted my eyes to Levi uneasily, automatically seeking him out as my anchor in this awkward situation. Only, his eyes had gone molten, forcing me to turn to my good friend Coke for help. I stared down into my cup as I sucked a good forth of it up, then cleared my throat to mumble an embarrassed apology. “Uh, sorry. It was just—” I coughed a little, “really good.”

When I dared to glance at Farlan again, I found his cheeks a little flushed, too. “Yeah. Thanks,” he laughed, smiling shyly. “That was, um, a pretty big compliment.”

“Hey, don’t get too star-struck,” Levi told him, a clear warning underlying his words.

“See!” Isabel suddenly jumped back into the conversation, waving a hand at Levi. “This is what I’m talking about Farlan! He’s super smitten!”

I felt the temperature drop a few degrees and knew before I even looked that what I had recently come to term ‘Dark Levi’ had come out. He somehow made all the sleep-deprived hallows of his face fall into shadow, bringing his sharp features into prominence. I’d never given much thought to what the angel of death would look like, but if I had to guess, I’d say like that. Deadly and beautiful.

“Hey, now, Levi,” Farlan said with obvious nervousness. It only grew when Levi turned the vicious blaze of his irises on him. “T-Take it easy. We know she exaggerates. I hardly believe anything that comes out of her mouth!”

“Hey!” Isabel automatically shouted, only to clap a hand over her mouth a second later. She swallowed, daring to meet Levi’s eyes. “I mean… he’s right,” she acquiesced, teeth gritted.

I meanwhile, could only watch this exchange and blush, while fighting the urge to smile. For all the hostility in the air, the atmosphere wasn’t an uncomfortable one. It was clear from their interactions how close they were. It was actually… almost like watching siblings squabble.

“What the fuck are you smiling at, brat?” I sat up when I realized that was directed at me.

“Oh. This is just… nice,” I said, not trying to hide my smile anymore. Isabel threw an arm over me.

“Levi, keep this one. I like him,” she stated, eyeing me.

“Fuck off,” Levi barked. “I should have ordered a coffee,” he groaned. Isabel just laughed, prompting me to chuckle softly as well. She withdrew her arm and turned back to her soup, taking a slurp and then looking apologetically to Levi when he glared again.

Instead of saying anything this time, though, he just huffed and picked up his silverware once more, resolutely ignoring us as we polished off our food and made small talk about jobs and other facts about our lives. I learned that Farlan and Isabel had actually been engaged for the last year, but she wore the ring around her neck on a chain instead of on her finger. Wearing something so expensive in plain sight apparently made her nervous. They had no plans for a wedding date yet either, since they were both still saving to afford one. Farlan had laughed and said the ring cost enough.

By the time we wrapped up with are food and Isabel was back on her feet, taking Levi’s credit card to pay the bill, Farlan and I were deep in conversation about an online sci-fi game we both played, and quickly exchanged contact information. Levi had started paying attention again and looked somewhat amused, and maybe even a hint pleased. He reached over and took my hand once more until Isabel came back with the receipt for Levi to sign.

“Thanks for letting us join you. It was good to get to know you better, Eren.” Farland extended a hand for me to shake, which I took firmly.

“Yeah. I’m glad, too. And your food was amazing.”

He laughed. “Yeah! I’m going to remember your reaction for sure.”

I let out a self-conscious chuckle. “Great…”

“Hey, seriously, I take it as a compliment.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “Alright,” he gathered Isabel under one of his arms and took a few steps towards the exit, Levi and I trailing behind. “We’re gonna head back home. Hope you two have a good evening.”

“You, too,” Levi said, the smallest of smiles on his lips.

With one final parting wave at Farlan and Isabel, we walked away from the entrance to the café and to the parking lot off to the side of the building, where Levi’s Porsche safely sat. He’d been parking it there ever since our first date, and I couldn’t blame him for forfeiting the closeness for the protection from the street (not that parking lots were always a lot better). Levi noticed me appreciating the vehicle and placed a hand on my shoulder, stopping us just in front of it.

“You want to drive?”

I looked at him like he had just asked me if I could turn into a fifteen-meter-tall man-eating giant.

A sinful chuckle rumbled in his throat as he picked my hand up for me and placed the keys in them. He was already walking away before I snapped out of my shocked daze and trotted after him. “Wait! I can’t—Not your— _Why_?” I implored him, holding the metal in my palm delicately, like it was a tree frog.

Levi halted his steps just short of reaching the door and only partially turned his body back in my direction. His eyes, however, were locked on mine. “I trust you.”

The bottom fell out of my universe.

Levi, however, remained as unperturbed as ever, like he hadn’t just uttered the single most meaningful thing he had ever said to me and left me to tumble on permanent press for 45 minutes.

In reality it was more like 45 seconds until I got my shit together and mechanically moved my feet to the driver’s side of the car, but I was just so… _touched_. Touched, overwhelmed, terrified. I couldn’t really sort out all the emotions that were buffeting me, but what rang more clearly to me than anything was how precious Levi was to me, and how much I didn’t want to fuck-up, even if fuck-ups were inevitable. In this moment I mostly didn’t want to fuck-up his car, but I didn’t want to fuck Levi up either. I felt cornered, and slipping into the confines of his car didn’t help. I found myself wishing he had a convertible.

“Eren.”

I startled at the soft sound of Levi’s voice, realizing that I had sat down in the car and proceeded to be completely motionless. I felt fingers brush my shoulder.

“Hey, if you really do not want to drive it, you don’t have to,” he said in what I figured was supposed to be a soothing voice. It honestly didn’t sound much different from his usual tone, but there was something about it that seemed gentler. “I just see the way you drool over this thing when you think I am not looking. I know you are not a half-bad driver, and it is not that far, so if you want to drive it, you can. I will even let you take it through a drive-thru somewhere to get me that coffee I wanted, if you’re comfortable with it, but it is okay if you choose not to, too. Just thought it’d be nice.”

As Levi spoke, I found myself leaning into his touch, a smile coming to paint my lips. For as much of an asshole as he could be, he could also be really sweet and thoughtful. I leaned down to brush my lips along the knuckles of the hand resting atop my shoulder, making him startle minutely. _Did he ever do that before we were dating?_

Levi had always been so reserved and composed, but since we had gotten together I kept seeing these endearing little chinks in his armor. Maybe I was over-thinking things, but I liked the idea of him lowering his guard for me a little more each day. I lived for the completely vulnerable moments he showed me, however brief they turned out to be. I knew that to keep having those moments, however, I had to be worthy of them. Levi was offering me something special right now and I didn’t want to turn him down and give him cause to think I couldn’t trust myself to be responsible. For all I knew this car was a metaphor for his heart.

 _Yeah, definitely over-thinking things. Something that cheesy would never even_ cross _his mind._

“What was that, brat?”

“Nothing!” I blurted, nearly missing the ignition in my haste to get the car up and running.

_Stay in my head!_

“Eren, maybe you should not be driving after all…” Levi sounded more than a little concerned.

“I’m fine!” I squawked far louder than was necessary. I made sure to take extra care in pulling out of the space we were parked in, getting a feel for the car. Levi stayed quiet after that, but I could feel him watching me, though his gaze wasn’t overbearing. I didn’t sense that he was watching me to make sure I wasn’t going to wreck his expensive vehicle. He was just… looking at me; something that made my skin tingle and my hands tremor with nerves, but I found myself hoping he wouldn’t look away. I liked having his attention on me, as unsettling as it could be. Keeping his attention meant keeping his interest. I liked being the most interesting thing in his view.

~~~

“Is here okay?” I pointed to a Starbucks up ahead. We were nearly back at Trost now. This particular Starbucks was only two lights down from the turn into the complex. The drive had gone without incident. When I got on the on-ramp to the highway, I turned to Levi, silently asking permission to gun it. He rolled his eyes and called me a brat, but still gave me a nod and a tiny smile. It was awesome. It would have been better if I didn’t have to stop at 60, but I was petrified of getting a ticket driving his car, or worse, getting in an accident at high speeds. I carefully maintained my speed the whole way.

“Starbucks?” Levi’s disdain was clear. “It tastes like burned shit, but if it will make you happy, I’ll take what I can get…” He trailed off and something warm lit up inside of me. I cheerfully turned off the road and headed for the drive-thru, already knowing what I wanted. I pulled up next to the voice-box and waited for someone to greet me before placing my order and glancing to Levi. He asked for a tall black coffee. As I crept Levi’s car towards the window, I reveled in the sense of badassery that being behind the wheel of this car gave me. I pulled up to the window, which was a little above Levi’s low-sitting car, and leaned out of the car a little to speak to the barista inside.

Words died on my lips.

“Eren?” Jean’s eyes were wide and startled, looking as bewildered as I felt.

It took me a few beats, but I finally found my voice. “You transferred?”

Jean scratched his head. “Uh, yeah. Three weeks ago. I’m managing it, now.”

_Exactly the amount of time I haven’t been coming here, of course._

“Oh. Congrats.”

“Yeah.”

Jean glanced at a screen in front of him, probably hoping another car would come so he could take their order. After several awkward moments in which I was _far_ too aware of the man on the other side of me, Jean spoke up again.

“Hey, Eren, remember the first time you came through my drive-thru?” He asked, his eyes suddenly a little too soft for my liking. I laughed stiltedly.

“Yeah, of course I do,” I said in a rush, trying to get him to clue in on the fact that this was not a good time.

He remained oblivious, though, picking up one drink and leaning over to hand it to me. “We both almost dropped your drink when I handed it to you,” he reminisced, transferring this drink into sure fingers. “And then I forgot to give you the receipt for the giveaway that was going on.” He chuckled, turning around for my second drink, frowning at it a little when he went to hand it to me, only to freeze halfway.

“Frick, dude, this car—”

“Is mine,” Levi cut him off, breaking his odd silence and leaning into Jean’s view.

Jean went pale.

“Oh. Levi. I didn’t see you there. I-I mean, not that I’m trying to say anything about your height or anything! Just… you know… I wasn’t paying attention. Yeah. So sorry,” Jean sputtered.

“Try not to shit yourself, kid, I wasn’t going to say anything.” Levi was being strangely gracious with Jean today. As was Jean being with Levi. I looked between the two of them suspiciously.

“Uh, Jean, can I have that?” I inquired, looking at the drink that said man was squeezing just a _little_ too tightly for my comfort. It wouldn’t be the first time he spilled a drink over himself that way.

“Oh, shit—I mean—uh, darn. Sorry, I…” his eyes traveled to mine and rested there for an elongated moment, “…forgot.” He handed the drink over a little quickly, causing some of the black liquid to slosh out of the opening and back over the lid, but it fortunately didn’t get any further and it made it to my hands in one piece. “I’ll see you around, Eren,” he said hurriedly, turning around and going further into the building before I had the chance to say so much as a ‘bye.’

I twisted to hand Levi his coffee, my eyes barely skirting his face before focusing on the road again. I didn’t really want to see what Levi thought of that exchange yet. I wasn’t ready to talk about it, even though I knew we would have to once we got some alone time. There was no way he was going to let it go that easily, especially when I hadn’t told him about what had happened on New Year’s Eve. He had been blindly trusting me these last few weeks, but after that I knew I couldn’t put it off much longer.

And that feeling only grew with what Levi said next.

“Eren, would you like to come over tonight?”

It wasn’t the words themselves, but rather, the way he said them that told me that this was not a lighthearted invitation to hang out and mess around. There was an edge to his tone that made the space in the car shrink and the tension grow. I got the distinct feeling that this was less of an offer and more of a command. I didn’t need, or want, to confirm that by looking at Levi to know.

“Sure,” I sealed my fate with one word that came out much more tightly than I wanted it to. I couldn’t help it, though. I was nervous for the conversation to come, even though there was probably no reason to be. I was just still kind of sensitive when it came to Jean, and Levi meant too much to me to fuck up the conversation. I had too many bad experiences of saying just the wrong thing at just the wrong time to feel good about this after that awkward exchange at the drive-thru. But it was important, and I _did_ want Levi to know. Really, he had been nothing but understanding so far, so why should this be any different?

I sighed and a little of the tension in my shoulders left with it. Unfortunately, the remainder of the drive was still uncomfortable, Levi sitting with unnaturally rigid posture that he typically reserved for unpleasant strangers. The stiffness didn’t abate in time for our parting to be more than a tepid exchange of confirmations that we would see one another later that evening.

The rest of the day was hell.

~~~

“ _Ah_!” Petra’s startled cry had me jerking up from where I had been hunched over my computer, entering meeting notes into our database like a madman with only the computer screen to light my area. I really had been intending to leave at 4, like usual, but as soon as I flicked the light switch off, my gut churned and I immediately sat back down and re-logged into my computer, taking care of some of the less-important tasks that had been piling up. I had completely overlooked the fall my office took into darkness, so deep had my desire for distraction been. It was no wonder I scared Petra.

“Sorry!” I yelped, shrinking from the sudden flood of light the overhead fluorescents provided when Petra flipped the switch.

“Eren, what are you still doing here? …In the dark?” She looked utterly bewildered at the current state of affairs.

“I… uh,” I laughed awkwardly and ran a hand through the back of my hair, distantly noting that it was getting a bit shaggy. “I was going to leave, and then remembered some work I had to do.” The statement was true enough.

Petra glanced at the form in front of my computer. “You urgently had to enter in today’s meeting notes?” Her voice was dry with disbelief; which was fair, since there was no pressing need to have these notes entered till mid-way through next week. Petra looked at me for a long hard moment, in which I glanced between her and the corner of the page I’d been subconsciously curling for the last half hour. “Are you okay, Eren?” she finally asked.

“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “I’m just… I’m going to get going.” I rose from my seat and made a few clicks to exit the database and log off the computer again.

Petra continued to eye me as I moved around the office, giving me the feeling she would speak at any moment and ask the question I didn’t want to answer, but to my surprise, she stayed silent until I had gathered my few belongings, set the alarm, and walked out into the icy night air.

“Eren, I don’t know if anything’s going on or not right now, but just know… you can talk to me, okay? I know your boss and your partner’s ex is probably the last person you want to confide in, but… mm… at least if it’s Levi-related, I can probably understand it better than most. And I’m happy to help in any way I can for anything else, too. I know we’re really only coworkers, but since we have a significant person in common now, we’ll probably be seeing more of each other than either of us would want to,” she laughed lightheartedly and I cracked a small smile.

“Yeah, probably,” I agreed. “Thanks, Petra. I appreciate it. This is… I just want to keep this one to myself this time. But thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” I gave her another mild smile, not wanting her to feel like I was brushing her off. Petra was a great listener. I’d complained to her about some of my lesser problems when I wanted a sympathetic ear. This was just a little too personal and awkward for me to go pouring my heart out, but I did appreciate her offer. “Have a good night.”

If Petra was at all put off by my refusal to confess what was weighing on me, she didn’t show it. Just returned my smile with a polite one of her own and told me to drive safe and have a good weekend. Thinking that far ahead into the future made my gut churn anew as I gave her a final wave and slipped into my car, headed for Levi’s.

~~~

The drive to Levi’s house was no less miserable than my day post-lunch had been. Every few minutes a paranoid and intrusive thought would cross my mind. Examples included, _Oh, shit, what if we break up and it ruins Levi’s working relationship with Armin?_

Or, _Shit, shit, why did I ever let Armin talk to me about him? This was a terrible idea. He’s_ nineteen _fucking years older than me! He could’ve been my father. He probably thinks I’m being immature about this whole thing. No, you know what’s immature? Ranting to yourself in your head about how one fucking conversation you’ve been_ planning _to have will be the downfall of your whole relationship!_

Or _, How do I explain to him what really is going on with Jean and me? Or at least Jean?_

The next thing I knew, I was in Levi’s driveway and only barely keeping a lid on my emotions. I took a few minutes to just breathe in my car, inhaling deep and releasing the breath slowly, until my heart rate had gone down a bit. Most of our day together had been wonderful, with every indication pointing to things between us being as good as ever. Deep down I knew why I was overreacting. It all tied back to Jean, and how secretly scared I was that my relationship with Levi would turn out just like that, but I wasn’t ready to drag those feelings out and examine them. Levi wasn’t Jean; this was a new relationship. I needed to stop freaking out over nothing. I heaved one more breath and pushed my car door open, walking up the short cement walkway, up two steps, and to the door, where I knocked three times and waited. Only a few seconds passed before the door was pulled open to reveal a much more casually dressed Levi than the one I had gotten earlier in the day. He was now wearing a plain gray long-sleeved t-shirt and loose-fitting black pants that kind of looked like a cross between slacks and pajama pants. _Holy shit I need to see his ass in these._

“My face is up here, brat,” Levi threw out lightly, distracting my focus on his crotch and thighs. His blue eyes weren’t the cold storms I’d been fearfully expecting. In fact, they were looking at me rather affectionately. I didn’t think twice as I threw my arms around him and practically melted over him.

“Hey,” Levi said softly.

It was just one, generic word, but it told me all I needed to know. I turned my head into the crook of Levi’s neck and planted a lingering kiss there, most of my worry draining from me. Levi let me cling to him for a few seconds longer before gently pushing me away.

“Not that I don’t enjoy this, but my skin is crawling a little with the thought that you’ve been at the piss pot all day and haven’t showered or changed.”

“Oh.” I looked down at what I was wearing. “I didn’t think to go home and get more clothes. I only have the one extra pair here,” I told him, concerned. Levi didn’t bat an eye.

“That is fine. As long as you do not go outside, it’s fine. You could also always just put on your sleep clothes, too,” he suggested.

My eyes lit up at the thought. “Yes. That one.” I dropped a quick kiss on his forehead, feeling quite stupid for having gotten myself all worked up for nothing. Something I even _figured_ would turn out to be nothing. “I’ll be back soon,” I said, backing away down the hall, hot water and a few more minutes to myself sounding nice.

“Don’t come back too soon. Clean everywhere.” He was dead serious.

I smiled. “Yes, sir.” I couldn’t bring myself to watch his expression after I said that, so I trotted through the kitchen and down the hall leading to the bedrooms.

As soon as I passed through Levi’s bedroom doorway, I slowed down, a sappy smile finding its way onto my face as I surveyed the room that was so perfectly Levi. Nothing was ostentatious, but neither did any thing look low-grade. Everything in his room was dusty shades of blue, green, and gray (though there was certainly no _actual_ dust on anything); it was unadorned and pristine.

My favorite part about his room was that, even though everything in his house was saturated with the lingering smells of cleaning products, this room had the underlying scent that was Levi. I took a deep inhalation and closed my eyes, tiredly wishing I could just slip under his sheets and bask in his aroma. But a) Levi would kill me—especially since I had just come from work, and b) I had to draw the line for my out of control romantic mind somewhere. Rolling around in my partner’s sheets like some love-struck buffoon was going too far, even for me.

_See, I can control my impulses. Sometimes._

I finally started moving again and quickly went through the motions of digging my personal items out of the overnight bag I had stored in a corner of his walk-in closet, plus a loose pair of shorts and a plain white tee.

I cranked the water to let it warm up for a minute, and took a quick piss. In my paranoia that I’d somehow upset Levi if I didn’t wash my hands after, even though I was literally about to step in the shower, I lathered up my hands and scrubbed them thoroughly before getting under the wide stream of water from Levi’s stainless steel showerhead and doing the same with the rest of my body. I made sure to wash every inch and crevice of my skin, including my penis, taking care to pull back my foreskin and let some water run over the head. The touches were pleasant, but my mind was far from images of the arousing—solely focused on cleaning myself to Levi’s standard and the discussion to come. I still didn’t feel as ready for it as I would like myself to be, but I _had_ taken a lot of time to process what Jean had told me the night of New Year’s. Or, most of it. There were still _some_ parts of what he had said to me about certain _other_ people that I had tried to keep out of my thoughts as much as possible, but I had thought about what Jean had said about him and me a lot. In all truth, I was probably as close as I was ever going to get to ready. I knew Levi wasn’t mad at me, and I knew he trusted me. I just needed to trust in him.

As relaxing as the water was, I was starting to feel anxious just to get this over with so I could properly enjoy the rest of my evening with my boyfriend. Though we’d gotten to see each other for lunch once a week, and he had come out to Rosa’s once in the past three (it went much smoother this time), I really hadn’t gotten to spend much quality time with him since the evening of Armin’s book signing. I could use a quiet evening with him. Or not so quiet evening, depending on how things went.

Giving a short huff of air, I opened the shower door, grabbed the towel I had draped over it earlier and walked out, drying myself off as best I could and tossing the towel in the laundry hamper in the corner when I was done. I gave myself a once over in the mirror, hopelessly running my fingers through damp locks and trying to stop them from drying in a state of utter chaos before ultimately giving up and just walking out of the bathroom, through the bedroom, down the hall, and to the kitchen, where Levi was staring blankly into a cup of tea. At first, he didn’t seem to notice my appearance, but as I walked around the bar, he blinked a few times as if coming out of deep thought. He slowly turned his head to me, and I stopped, awkwardly hovering a few feet away, closer to the wall than where he stood by the counter. His silvery-sapphire eyes were unreadable as he took me in, and I ran my middle finger over the pad of my thumb, noting that my fingernails were getting a little long. The need to just get this over with grew.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey.”

We stared at each other for a beat.

“You…” I paused to work some saliva into my mouth, which suddenly felt a little dry. “You wanted to talk?” My voice sounded a little higher than usual.

“Yeah,” he confirmed, not moving, nor elaborating.

“Okay,” the sound of the word wavered in the air. “I think I know what about, but could you just…” I just needed to hear him say it; to make sure I wasn’t jumping to conclusions.

“What’s going on between you and Jean?” Levi must have seen the panic those words invoked in me, because he continued on without giving me more than the chance for a breath. “I have told you—I trust you, Eren. But my peace of mind has its limits.” He let his statement hang in the air.

I gulped. I knew I had nothing to fear, since I had done nothing wrong, but that didn’t seem to be making this much easier for me.

“Well, New Year’s… Jean… He, um… He just… We sort of had a heart-to-heart that was probably a long time coming. Things have been really rough between us, and, uh… He’s such an asshole! But I kind of… kind of get where he’s coming from now, I guess.” I rambled on, knowing I was doing so, but powerless to stop it. The words just weren’t coming together right, and I didn’t want to blurt out what I assumed had been fueling Jean’s words, lest I was wrong. I was moderately worried that if I said the wrong thing, I’d have my current boyfriend hunting down my last one. Not even Jean deserved that fate. “He seems to… still care. He’s just shit at showing it,” I let out a sad sounding laugh. “He never really liked you, so he… just… Levi?” Levi had crept forward so slowly that I hadn’t registered his proximity until he was literally just under my nose, and I was leaning back and looking down to keep him in view. It wasn’t doing great things to my heart, or my ability to breathe.

“He still has feelings for you.” Levi’s tone was flat and steady, no question in his voice.

“Maybe,” I admitted, my eyes shifting away from his, and feet shuffling back up into the wall.

“And what about you?” Levi’s arms rose, forming a barrier around me, and I couldn’t help but feel Levi’s proximity with every fiber of my being. I could feel the warmth of his breath as he spoke the question that twisted my gut.

I did have feelings for Jean. I even loved him, in a way. But he was not what I wanted. Nothing could bribe me into being with him again. Could I make Levi understand this? That the part of my heart Jean occupied was nothing more than a sliver. That I felt things for Levi that I didn’t even know were possible when I’d been with Jean? It scared me. And the fact that it scared me frightened me further. Jean had even seen it, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it yet, I knew I was falling fast for Levi. Already the thought of him leaving me was terrifying, and I didn’t know what to do with that. I wanted to run from the feeling, run from Levi. But the body hovering centimeters in front of me, arms caging me in, and steel eyes cutting through me wouldn’t let me escape. I did the most that I could, turning my head away and directing my gaze to some unfocused spot on the floor.

“Eren.” His low voice was insistent, and I felt guilty for looking away, for acting like I was guilty at all.

I breathed deep. “I don’t,” I said, sliding my eyes back to him. “Not really,” I amended, seeing the skepticism in his eyes. “It’s just—“ The closeness of his body, his burning cool gaze, the way I could hear each soft breath he took was beginning to make me feel claustrophobic. “Could you back off a little bit?” The nerves made my voice come out harsher than I intended. Levi’s eyes flashed with something that passed too quickly for me to interpret before slowly pushing away from the wall and moving back to place a few more inches between us.

The small increase in distance made me feel like I could breathe again, and with each deep inhale of air I felt my resolve to say what I needed to strengthen. I met his eyes without wavering.

“Jean was the first person I ever loved. We…” I glanced away for a moment, searching the far wall for the right words. “… didn’t end well. In truth, neither one of us really wanted it to end. And when it did, it wasn’t pretty. It was really hard on me. But,” My fingers twitched, and I had to curl them into fists to resist the urge to reach forward and grab Levi’s arm, “it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Both of us, probably. Our relationship hadn’t been a good one in a long time; I just had trouble letting go. What I’m trying to say is, a small part of me will always feel for him, but I don’t want to _be_ with him.” I actually wrinkled my nose at saying the words out loud. “He’s…” Levi’s eyes were searching mine, and I wished for the life of me I could read them, but the man wasn’t giving me an inkling of what he was thinking. He just kept those eyes trained on me, and just like whirlpools they drew me in. I gulped, suddenly feeling too many things at once. My breaths became shorter. “He’s not what I want,” I all but panted, not even conscious of the step I took forward. Internally I was pleading with him to understand. Begging him to stay.

He raised a hand to my face, stroking my cheek lightly with the back of his hand. “Eren, breathe,” he reminded. I tried to comply, but every moment that he was not responding, my anxiety was climbing. I could hardly register his gentle touch or the softness of his voice, or what any of it might mean. I needed him to tell me straight.

“I told you to calm down, you shit,” his mildly irritated tone brought a little clarity, his typical crassness ironically bringing relief; my breathing slowed. “I am not going to lie and say that I am thrilled someone else holds any part of your heart, but you don’t have to get so worked up you damn brat. Did you think I’d never been in love before? The way you feel about Jean is the way I feel about Petra.”

A flash of jealousy swept through me, as hypocritical and irrational as it was, I couldn’t help it. Levi gave a low chuckle.

“There,” he stated with what seemed to be a kind of satisfaction. “Now you know how I feel.” There was a hint of playfulness in his eyes, and I instantly felt all my fears melt away.

“So we’re even.” My words were benign, but my behavior was not. I took another step forward, this time deliberately, removing any remaining space between us, not even attempting to mask the intention in my eyes.

Levi’s eyes grew dark quickly as his pupils dilated, his head tipping back to regard me, his lips dangerously close to my own. “We are.” He let the two syllables fall on a breath, and as soon as I understood them my restraint snapped, my head diving down to meet Levi’s in a greedy kiss he returned with equal fervor and passion. I couldn’t have held myself back a second longer no matter how delicious I found the tension before the indulgence. I was too relieved, too happy, and too many other things that I didn’t want to sort through at the moment. Levi was in front of me, Levi still wanted me, and Levi was _mine_. I knew I couldn’t drive Petra out of his heart anymore than he could drive Jean out of mine, but so help me, right now I was going to make him forget all other names but _Eren_.

Levi seemed to have a similar thought, because suddenly I was being pushed back again, this time much more roughly, though Levi kindly placed one of his hands at the back of my head to keep it from crashing into the hard surface of the wall. A gasp left my lips when one of his knees worked itself between my legs, his thigh applying just enough pressure to thrill, but not be constantly gratifying like I wanted it to be. One of my hands found his hair, and I massaged the back of his scalp as I moved my own hips forward, groaning into Levi’s mouth as I created my own friction against him, giving him something to make his own breath catch in the process.

It undid something in Levi. I didn’t even know he was holding back until he was suddenly moving with me, his hands fisting my hair tightly, teeth nipping none to gently at my lips before moving onto my neck, ears, and collarbone. I was being stimulated in so many ways at once after so long that all I could do was fist my hands in the back of his shirt and hang on, instinct the only thing the kept my hips rolling to meet Levi’s.

Though dazed and horny, my brain decided that this would be the perfect time to start freaking out over all the worries I had about us treading this path. I had been happy. I still was, and this felt way too fucking good for me to stop, but… _What if it doesn’t work out?_ But I had already made my choice and all but promised Levi I wouldn’t regret it.

_How did I end up in this position again?_

The possibility of falling for Armin’s editor had _definitely_ not been on my mind in our initial meetings. He was supposed to come over, do his job, and leave. Not taunt me with snarky jibes and charming flashes of teeth and silky hair and perfect skin and that terrible, endearing, sense of humor and the scent of laundry and spice when he sat too close during a movie on the sofa.

It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.

Not with Levi pinning me against the wall, hands firmly fisting my hair, panting, moaning.

It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.

He dropped to his knees, his hands running along my sides before working to undo my pants—rapidly, yet much too slowly. He drew me out, a guttural groan being wrenched from my lips as his hot tongue slid along the underside. Fuck, was I glad I had just gotten out of the shower.

He gave a slow suck and my hands found his dark locks again; it took nearly all my restraint to stop myself from thrusting forward without a care for the person in front of me.

But I did care.

I cared a lot. I had no clue how we had gotten here, not at this moment, but I cared, and I knew he cared, too.

No, it wasn’t supposed to turn out like this, but here I was.

And I didn’t want to go back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we’ve finally caught up to that little teaser from Chapter 1! This is definitely not the end of the story, though. I’ve had a *rough guesstimate* that this will end around 30 chapters for a while, but I’m not making that definite until I’m closer to the end and really know for sure.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and let me know if you catch any errors!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren is sleepy and Levi shares a surprising fact about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIVE MILLION YEARS LATER... I RETURN.
> 
> Oh my goodness. I'M SO SORRY. I never anticipated being as busy as I was the last four months, but the extra job I took on is over now, my primary job will be slow during the summer, and summer classes only last 8 weeks. I have great hope for more frequent updates. If nothing else, one more update should come out in a week or two here. Originally, it was going to be all one chapter, but this way you all get something faster. So this chapter is pretty much 100% fluff, and next chapter there will be some smut. I apologize to those who were hoping for a direct continuation from last chapter. If there's great demand or something, I'd be willing to write an extension of it as a drabble, but putting it in at the beginning would have messed with the flow of this chapter. So if that's why you're here, sorry, come back next chapter. But if you like sappy boyfriends, you're in the perfect place.
> 
> I hope it is even MARGINALLY worth the wait. You all are wonderful for being so patient.
> 
> Let me know if you spot typos! You'll be my favorite.
> 
> And, of course, THANK YOU all for the kudos, comments, bookmarks, etc. I love feedback in all those forms, and am so honored to receive them! ^_^
> 
> [ My tumblr. ](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I track the tags STTOFTB and Resmiranda13. Feel free to drop an ask.

“They liked you.”

I rolled over onto my side so I could look into Levi’s eyes, glimmering and dilated from the dim light and our recent activities. Every bone in my body felt as if it had turned to Jell-o. There was nothing quite like the drowsy satisfaction of post-orgasm. Especially if you had a gorgeous guy next to you. Especially if that same gorgeous guy had just blown you. Especially if that same gorgeous guy that just blew you was your boyfriend.

I smiled dopily.

It took me several seconds to realize said boyfriend was probably expecting a response from me.

“What?” I lazily let my eyes wander the planes of Levi’s face, appreciating how relaxed he appeared at the moment. If I didn’t know better, I would say his guard was totally down. His eyebrows didn’t even pinch together in response to my brainlessness.

“Are you even listening, brat?” His deep voice sounded sluggish with sleep.

“Mmm,” I hummed noncommittally, letting myself roll the rest of the way over onto my stomach and worming my way farther under the covers until I could comfortably rest my head on Levi’s shoulder. I nuzzled him there briefly before planting a quick kiss to the first patch of skin my lips could find and looking back up at him with lidded eyes.

“Fuck,” Levi breathed. I inclined my head a little more sharply in question.

“Hm?”

“If I were younger—” he paused, licking his lips quickly, before deciding to proceed, “I think I would take you now.”

My dick gave a twitch of interest, but I was much too sated and tired to pay it much attention. For someone who claimed he hadn’t done it much, Levi gave _good_ head. It was at least on par with Jean’s, though still not as good at as Drunk-Pierced-Tongue-Guy in the bathroom sophomore year at some party. Of course, to be fair, I wasn’t sure how much of that was actual skill, and how much was how drunk _I_ was. I couldn’t actually remember what he looked like, so I had no way of knowing if his skills would be quite so great sober.

Levi was good sober. Levi was better than good. But, to be fair, I couldn’t be sure how much of that was actual technique, and how much was the fact that it was _Levi._

Before I knew it, I found myself smiling stupidly again as my heart swelled. I tilted my head up to find his neck and placed a few lingering kisses there. I smelled the sweet spice of his skin.

Fuck _, I love how he smells._

It was a few more moments before I remembered he had said something earlier.

“What were you saying before?” I finally mumbled.

“They liked you,” Levi repeated without missing a beat. Some more alert part of my brain was impressed that he was tracking our conversation so well, even half-asleep. _Wait, no._ I was half-asleep. He was more quarter-asleep. Even so, it was impressive; though I probably should have expected as much from someone that used to sleep on the streets. I frowned just thinking about it, and Levi took it as confusion.

“Farlan and Isabel,” he clarified. Even though I hadn’t meant to prompt him, I was glad he misunderstood the root of my expression. I had already missed what he had said again. _Oops._

“Oh,” I elongated the word a little in realization, then smiled against Levi’s skin, letting my words be muffled by his solid form as I replied, “I’m glad. I like them, too.” I was starting to doze off on Levi’s shoulder before something occurred to me and I jolted back to something slightly more coherent. “Wait, how do you know that?”

Levi gave a short chuckle that made my stomach flop. “I know my friends. I can just tell,” he explained. “That, and Farlan texted me.”

I laughed harder than was probably appropriate, snaking an arm around the sexy torso of my partner and pressing myself more firmly against him, relishing every millimeter of skin-to-skin contact. Although both of us had _seen_ each other naked, we hadn’t cuddled naked like this before. I was already forming reluctance to ever sleep with him a different way again _. Though I’d probably regret that in the mornings when the room would be as cold as Satan’s refrigerator. If Satan has a refrigerator. Does Satan have a refrigerator?_

“Eren, I can’t understand you when you do have your face smashed into me like that.”

I jerked away from Levi’s rumbling chest, confused in my hazy state. “What?”

“You were saying something,” he informed me.

I blinked slowly at him. I could hardly see him anymore. I seemed to be having trouble keeping my eyelids open. “I was?”

Levi sighed, then lifted his left arm lazily and rested his hand atop my head, letting gravity use the weight of the limb to push my head back to rest on his pectoral. “Go to sleep, brat.”

“You go to sleep,” I slurred petulantly.

“Good one.”

“Shut up.”

I felt another vibration run through my cheek, and smiled as I was lulled by the rise and fall of the warm body serving as my pillow into sound sleep.

~~~

 _Warmth_.

That was the next thing of which I was aware.

Light was next.

I could tell the sun had risen by the brightness beyond my closed eyelids. I just didn’t want to open them yet. I was so toasty and comfortable. It felt like I was lying on a cloud. I never wanted to move again.

Then, came touch.

It was so light that I didn’t even notice it at first, but as my consciousness became sharper, I recognized the brush of fingertips following the curve of my face, drawing meaningless patterns on my shoulders, and caressing my arms till they kissed my own fingertips. It tickled a little, but I fought to keep my breathing pattern deep and even, fearing the intimate touch would vanish if I stirred.

Of course, Levi being Levi, it was impossible to hide my awakening for long. Maybe I had never really fooled him all, but regardless, it wasn’t until a minute later that he soften called my name.

“Eren, I know you are awake you shithead.”

My boyfriend: The Romantic.

“Urngh,” I grunted. To my surprise, instead of ceasing, Levi’s touches became firmer, the lines he drew infused with a surety that had me feeling like I could glow with bliss. I smiled sleepily and moved the hand that wasn’t pinned under my body to cover a yawn.

Finally, there was sight.

I peeked one eye open, my breath catching ever so subtly at the glittering cobalt that looked back. There was a quirk to one side of Levi’s mouth, but none of his usual sarcasm was to be found in it. It was genuine, and it made my heart pound. I moistened my dry lips with my tongue, feeling compelled to speak, but having no words to express the feeling I wanted to share, so instead I did nothing, letting the contentment of my body speak for me. If I spoke, I’d probably fuck things up, anyway. I’d say something stupid, like ask for a picture, because I wanted to capture how Levi looked in this moment forever. If I could make him look this happy everyday— _Fuck, am_ I _making him look this happy? Is it really me?_

The moment the thought hit my head, my heart started beating double-time. I hardly dared to think I had such an effect on him, and yet, I could see no alternative reasons. He was literally looking right fucking at me, no other distractions. Just me; which was terrifying, but also the most exhilarating kind of high I’d known in years.

 _Fuck_.

Levi’s fingers traveled from my neck into my hair, combing through the knots with care. I leaned into his touch and yawned again, finally forming a question I wanted an answer to, “How long have you been awake?”

“A while,” he answered cryptically.

“That doesn’t tell me much.”

“It was not meant to,” he replied, bluntly honest.

“ _Levi_ ,” I whined, only to be met with a hand to my face.

“Fuck, if you are going to make noises like that, at least let me get a cup of tea first,” he griped, sitting up fully and throwing his legs off the edge of the bed. I used my upper arms to drag my body halfway to him and reach out with my hands to grab his sides.

“ _No_ ,” I protested, drawing out the vowel and trying to entice him into staying with a light massage from my thumbs.

“Sorry, brat,” he said, slipping off the bed and out of my reach. “No dice. You will have to do better than that if you want to keep me away from my morning tea,” he threw a glance at me over his shoulder, and though his lips remained neutral, his eyes danced. I pouted.

“Fuck you,” I grumbled at his retreating back.

“Not yet,” he called back, bringing warmth rushing to my cheeks. He walked into his closet while I buried my face in the nearest pillow—which happened to be Levi’s—and mumbled unintelligibly to myself for a good twenty seconds before I collected myself enough to show my face again, but I stayed there for an extra twenty anyway just to smell Levi’s pillow. It just wasn’t fair when he nonchalantly said things like that. Particularly when he’d given me a really good bj the night before. _Fuck, I need to get out of bed before I do something I shouldn’t_. I heard Levi pad across the carpet and out the doorway, leaving me to my own devices.

With a grunt, I forced myself up and shimmied my way across the bed until I could slide my feet to the floor, shivering as my naked skin met icy air. I went to grab some clothes and tried to suppress another yawn as I donned them. My mouth tasted gross, and remembering Levi’s morning kissing rules, I decided to brush my teeth before finally wandering down the hall to the kitchen, where Levi was sitting at the table nibbling on a piece of toast in between sips of tea. A small thrill went through me at the sight of him in a fit black tee with his hair in slight disarray.

 _That man is mine._ I smiled to myself.

“What is wrong with your face?” Levi asked as I sat down in the chair adjacent to him.

My smile drooped at his harsh words. “What do you mean?”

“You look… cheerful,” he elaborated slowly.

My frown deepened. “Should I not be?”

“It is just… weird. You always look like shit in the morning.”

“He—”

“Fuck,” he interrupted my protest. “That sounded bad. I mean tired shit. Not ugly shit. You are… not ugly.”

I emitted a very undignified giggle as the concentrated face Levi was making slipped into displeasure. “I’m sorry!” I blurted. “I’m not laughing at you—” Levi’s eyes turned sharp and dangerous. “—okay, maybe I’m laughing at you a little, but that was just so… so _you_ ,” I chuckled, beaming. My fingers itched to touch him, so I blindly maneuvered my hand until I bumped into Levi’s knee under the table. His eyes flickered down, and a moment later, a cool hand was placed atop mine. My cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling.

“But seriously. Please stop making that face,” he requested solemnly. I squeezed his knee and opted to bury my face in the crook of my elbow, because there was no way I was wiping the happiness off of my face anytime soon. This morning was just _too_ good. It was impossible to not show that.

I heard Levi give a soft sigh and take another bite of his toast. My stomach gave off an incredibly awkward noise that started out as a growl, and somehow became a squelch.  _Attractive_. I chanced a peek at Levi, mildly startled to find him looking right back. He hadn’t anticipated the sudden eye contact either, apparently, since he quickly looked away. _Cute_. I sat up again and twisted my hand around so I could wrap my fingers around his, simultaneously reaching for a piece of the toast that had been stacked on a small plate in the middle of the table.

“I thought you could cook,” I commented before taking a bite.

Levi’s keen eyes whisked back to mine, face carefully guarded, but voice simple. “I can.”

I swallowed and held up the piece of bread in my hand. “Buttered toast?”

“We have been together over a month. I do not have to impress you anymore.”

My brain was torn between two lines of thought, but the urge to explore that statement won out over my interest in his apparent ‘dating milestones’. “You were trying to impress me?”

Levi averted his gaze again and his fingers twitched almost imperceptibly. “Hey,” I started in a softer tone, “you don’t have to be embarrassed. Do you have any idea how happy that makes me?” I let out a shaky breath. “If I’m being honest… it’s still hard for me to believe you’d even be interested in me. I mean, I barely have my life together, and I’m always saying or doing something stupid… I still don’t know a lot about how you grew up. I mean, what did people even do before microwaves?”

“Eren.” My attention was instantly caught with the uncharacteristic use of my first name. “Shut up.” Levi let go of my hand and rose, stretching over the corner of the table to press a sweet peck to my lips, which were parted in surprise. He sat back down and continued, “You are such a dumbass. And it is no wonder you cannot cook…” the shadow of a smile passed over his lips, “but you’re not bad.”

A smile of my own made the corners of my mouth twitch. “That really doesn’t sound like a compliment.”

“I am shit at words.”

“You’re an editor.”

“I fix other people’s words.”

“You say that like it’s _not_ ironic. And you wrote a book.”

“The first draft was shit.”

“You say that about all first drafts.”

“That’s because it’s true.”

“You’re really not arguing your case well here.”

“Look, writing is different than talking. You have time to think about it. You can leave it there and come back to it later. All I have ever done is say what I mean, but not a lot of people seem to understand me. It is especially hard to… share. Feelings and shit. I have never been good at them, but…” Levi swallowed hard and continued to avoid looking me in the eye, clearly uncomfortable. He usually was so direct, even if not particularly eloquent, but now he was clearly struggling to string words together at all. “You are… handsome. And… kind.” He cleared his throat. “Passionate.” He took another long pause, “Loyal. You are immature sometimes, but… I do not think that is a bad thing. And the other things… they are more important. To me.”

I stared, wide-eyed and blushing crimson, at all the praises my partner—my stoic, taciturn partner—had laid on me. Air moved in and out of my lungs shallowly as the revelation of how hard Levi was _trying_ settled over me. This was him working for our relationship. Last night it had been mostly about me reassuring him, but now he was offering me something in return. Something that, personally, I found much more valuable. I tipped my head back as my eyes began to burn. _Shit, shit, shit; don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry._

“Eren?”

I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling as I replied. “Sorry,” I croaked, my voice cracking despite my best efforts. “I’ll be fine in a second.” I blinked my eyes rapidly, trying to retract the little bit of liquid that had built up. When I felt I had myself under control again, I lowered my head to look at him, my heart so full it nearly hurt. “Thank you.”

Levi accepted my gratitude with an uncertain nod of his head, like he wasn’t entirely sure if I was being genuine or not. I gave him another gooey smile, and he seemed less displeased by it this time. I tried to think of something to say that might return the atmosphere to something resembling normalcy.

“Do you want to go out Sunday afternoon?”

“As in tomorrow?” he inquired. It took him a second to think it over, clearly not prepared for the change in topic. “I can’t. I’m busy.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling a little let down. “Work?” I questioned.

“No.” He didn’t look like he was going to elaborate further.

“Then what?” He was obviously trying to avoid telling me, and I didn’t like that.

“You really don’t know how to take a hint, do you, brat?” A little more of his usual attitude returned to his voice, making me relax into the familiarity of it. I didn’t answer him and sat there stubbornly, waiting for an answer.

He sighed. “Fine. But you have to promise me you won’t go jumping to conclusions the second I start speaking. You have to listen until I am finished, got it?”

He was giving me a hard look and obviously waiting for some kind of confirmation, so I nodded.

“I volunteer at a church,” he said. My eyes widened with the immensity of my surprise. I never figured Levi to be the religious type, but— “Oi, Eren,” Levi caught my attention. “I can see you forming stupid thoughts in that tiny brain of yours. I told you to wait until I have finished.” I tried to comply with his demand as he continued. “I told you I did not grow up with much. Well, not everyone who has low socioeconomic status is as shitty to their kids as the people who took care of me were. Some of them actually give a rat’s ass. So I volunteer at this church running a class called 'Lunch Box' where parents can learn to make quick, cheap, and healthy meals that keep well so they can be put in plastic containers and grabbed throughout the week for lunch. That way they don’t have to make the kids buy cafeteria shit, and can save money and a few years of their children’s lives. I don’t attend the church, or anything. I just teach that class one Sunday every three months.”

I stared at my partner, amazed.

Levi—crabby, swears more than any person I’d ever met Levi—volunteered in a church helping low SES families save money and feed their children well. Levi could cook well enough to teach. _I think I just fell more in love with him. Wait. I’m in love with him?!_ I abruptly shoved my thoughts into the deep recesses of my mind and turned my attention back to my boyfriend.

“Can I come?” I asked him.

“What?”

“Can I go with you to the class?” He gave me a funny look.

“Eren, you can’t cook.” He was speaking to me like I was a dense child or small creature.

“I _know_ ,” I said, a little miffed. “But I could… I don’t know, set up and clean up or something. And maybe I’ll learn something!” I added.

He looked at me skeptically, “I don’t know…”

“Do you not know about me learning something, or coming?”

“Both,” he stated.

I frowned. “Why not?”

He rubbed at his undercut, a motion he’d been making around me lately that I was beginning to associate with him being conflicted over something. “Look, Eren,” he started, meeting my eyes. “I went to this church with the idea. It’s not far from where I live and I had been thinking about doing something like that for a while. It just seemed like the easiest way to make it happen. Most of the people who come to it are just from local schools and aren’t necessarily from the church, but some of them are. I literally have no clue what these people believe, and I would hate for them to— For you—“

Suddenly I understood. “Oh,” I said, cutting him off.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t have to, you know…” I trailed off.

“Act like my partner?” he finished for me.

“Yeah, that.” I didn’t really like the idea of pretending to _not_ be his boyfriend, but I wouldn’t mind restraining myself a little for one afternoon. “It’s not like you let me be that affectionate in public in the first place.”

“You haven’t tried that hard.” I wondered what he meant by that, but decided to file it away for later.

“Well, I promise I won’t start trying while you’re there. Please?” I pleaded with him. “This is obviously something important to you, and I want to be a part of it.”

He looked at me a little despairingly. “Why can’t I say ‘no’ to you?” he asked himself.

I broke out in a grin that stretched from ear to ear. Levi looked at me in a way I could describe as nothing short of a _pout._ Then an image flashed in my mind and I _had_ to ask, “Do you wear an apron?”

I was glad he was sitting across the table because he looked like he wanted to punch me. “Ask me a question like that again and I’ll put _you_ in an apron and teach that ass of yours a lesson.”

A thrill went through me at the words. “I accept my punishment.” I didn’t bother masking the eagerness in my tone.

He scoffed and turned his head away. “I should have known you would like that idea you perverted fuck.”

“Hey, I’m _your_ perverted fuck,” I cooed at him.

“Shut up, you shit.” He stood from the table to take his cup over to the sink, rinsing it out quickly before placing it in the dishwasher. I propped my hand on an open palm and smiled at his back. I waited till he turned back around to speak again.

“What are you going to do with the rest of today?”

Levi leaned against the edge of the counter, lazily crossing his arms as he met my eyes. “I have a bunch of paperwork I have been letting build up. And one manuscript to get through,” he sighed.

“Another manuscript? I thought you wouldn’t be getting another one until Armin gets something else out?”

Levi shifted his weight subtly, “Yeah, well, some stuff happened with Eld—one of the editors directly under me. I am helping him out.”

I stared at Levi long and hard. He was gazing somewhere off to my left.

“You know, you’re actually really—” A razor glance cut my words off, and a chill sank down into my gut as Levi pushed away from the counter, stalking towards me… only to press a slightly calloused forefinger to my lips, warming me right up again.

“Never finish that sentence,” he ordered, his eyes much softer than his tone.

I gave the finger resting on my lips a quick peck and then took his hand in mine before he could take it back. I smiled impishly up at him. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

Levi studied me a moment before giving a slight shake of his head. “I am fucked, aren’t I?”

My smile widened to a grin. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for the next chapter. It will not take four months unless something goes horribly wrong. <3


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi teaches a class and Eren has an important realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeey, two months! That's only half as long as last time right?!?? (also way longer than two weeks, but shhh)
> 
> Anyway, sorry for the delay!! The chapter is a little over 7k, so hopefully that makes up for it a little bit. Also, I finally bumped the rating.
> 
> Thank you all SO MUCH for the love you continue to give this fic and me. I always look at the stats like O.O. You all are the best.
> 
> Special thanks to [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/) for betaing this chapter!!
> 
> If we missed anything, please let me know so I can fix it!
> 
> Enjoy?

 “‘Lunch Box’ was the best name you could come up with, Levi?”

A chilling look was flicked my way before the eyes of the man next to me resettled on the road. One pale hand readjusted its grip on the steering wheel. It was Sunday, and after a weekend of lazing around and maybe getting on my boyfriend’s nerves a little (I was trying not to think about it too much), we were on our way to Levi’s cooking class.

“Fuck off; I never claimed to be creative,” he bit out, though it seemed to lack serious irritation.

“I know you’re more creative than that. I read your novel, remember?”

I watched Levi’s muscles work in his jaw, and wondered if I should back off a little. Levi had gotten pretty pissed at me yesterday for watching Netflix while he was trying to work. I didn’t think I had the volume up particularly high or anything… I was actually trying to give him space to accomplish what he needed to without pestering him, but the man had disturbingly good hearing for someone who was a teenager during the 80’s.

 _He probably didn’t have a lot of time for concerts_ , I reminded myself. Honestly, I was pretty sure his hearing was far superior to mine—he could hear the T.V. enough for it to bother him all the way down the hallway through a closed door.

It was only then that I discovered exactly how single-minded Levi became when he was working with papers instead of people, and I ended up excusing myself for a rather miserable forty-five minute walk around the neighborhood, during which I sulked around like a chastised kid. I couldn’t feel my nose by the time I came back. I only felt marginally better when Levi took one look at me and began his version of doting, which primarily consisted of hot tea and lingering touches. There was also the guilty aversion of his eyes, but that just made me feel worse than I already did. I just couldn’t help still feeling a little bit bad for inconveniencing him in the first place. Our relationship was still pretty new, so things like this were to be expected, but I just felt like such a burden for a while there. I was still trying to put that feeling and the ghost of a voice that told me I was dragging him down behind me.

Fingers brushing over mine startled me out of my thoughts, and I relaxed some of the tension in my body with a long exhale as I tried to lace his fingers with mine. The corners of my lips tipped up—It was almost like Levi could read my mind. I glanced down at our interconnected hands, several long moments passing before my eyes widened in surprise. Levi, who almost always refused a handshake, and used hand sanitizer at every opportunity, took my hand without a second thought. My small smile quirked up more at the corners of my mouth and the ball of tension remaining in my chest eased.

“Just because I can tell a story does not mean I can title something worth shit. Did you even read the name of my book? If I ever _did_ submit it to a publishing house, there is no fucking way they would ever publish it under that title. The sales department would laugh their asses off if they ever got wind of what I named it,” Levi scoffed.

I thought back for a moment, picturing the front cover of Levi’s novel, the words ‘ _The Great Epic_ ’ plastered across the front, and immediately burst out laughing.

So much for backing off.

“Looks like someone is walking home.” The indifference in Levi’s voice halted me mid-laugh.

“Okay, I’m sorry; I’m sorry! But, honestly, I didn’t even notice it was that bad until you pointed it out. What’s inside more than makes up for it.” Levi squeezed my hand and released it, needing it for the turn he was making next to a sign proclaiming, ‘Central: The Church on the Hill.’ I wrinkled my nose.

“Never mind. I take back what I said. Lunch Box is a perfect name for this place.”

Levi’s eyebrows drew inward. “What?”

“Have you read the sign?”

Levi was too busy parking to look back. “Not since the first time I drove past it. Just knew it was here.”

“ _Central: The Church on the Hill_ ,” I crooned in my best infomercial voice.

“Well, shit,” Levi shifted the gear into park and looked up at me. I leaned over to gently nudge him in the ribs with my elbow.

“ _Levi_ , we’re at church,” I chastised mockingly.

“Heaven forgive me,” he responded flatly. “Now help me get the groceries, brat.”

I grinned as I popped the door open and walked to the back of the car, scooping up several grocery bags with what seemed to be a lot of whole vegetables and bulk packages of tortillas. The contents gave rise to a load of questions, which I immediately peppered at the back of Levi’s head as he shut the trunk and led the way towards the entrance of the building.

“So this is for lunch? How many days is it supposed to last? Wouldn’t it get boring eating the same thing everyday?”

Levi didn’t even look back. “Of course it is for lunch you fu—idiot,” Levi barely swallowed the expletive as we neared the doors. I was much less successful at holding back my laughter. I was instantly glad his hands were full because I had no doubt I would be feeling his irritation much more acutely if they weren’t. “Shut up. Remember you have to do the same.”

That shut me up.

“The meals I plan are always enough for at least a week,” he continued answering my previous questions. “And when your options are ‘eat the same thing’ or ‘starve,’ most people do not complain about eating the same thing.”

A cold, sinking feeling crept down my gut at the weight of his words. Leave it to Levi to give such a frank depiction of reality—something that was actually pretty uncomfortable to think about. Who wanted to dwell on the thought of starving kids in your own neighborhood? But they existed, and Levi was doing something about it. Maybe I could, too. I was at least taking the first steps, by being here. _I’ll have to talk to Levi about this more later…_

We fell into silence as Levi freed a few fingers to open one of the main doors, only to have a lady appear the instant he got it unlatched. “Levi! Let me help you with that,” the woman smiled brightly.

Levi nodded his thanks at the ginger-haired woman and proceeded through the door, turning her smile on me as I scuttled after him, muttering a ‘thank you’.

“Do you need help with those bags?” she asked after us, abandoning the door in favor of trailing behind us.

“No, we have it,” Levi said simply, though the woman stayed with us and opened another door for us into a room set up with a number of tables and chairs. I had been in church a handful of times as a kid, but it had been years since I last stepped foot in one, and nearly had my jaw on the floor when Levi led us all back into an, admittedly small, industrial kitchen.

“Churches have these?” I blurted, incredulous.

A light laugh sounded behind me, and I pressed my lips tightly together, flushing at my mistake.

“I take it you’re not a regular, huh?” the woman asked good-naturedly. I focused on putting the bags I was carrying onto the same counter as Levi’s, too mortified to face her directly. I glanced over at my boyfriend, but his face yielded nothing as he set about making whatever preparations he needed.

“Uh, not really,” I muttered, beginning to pull things out of the bags, just to give me something to do.

The woman walked up next to me and began helping me without question. “Don’t worry about it,” she said warmly. “No one will attack you for it or anything, here. We have lots of non-regulars that show up to events.” My eyes flicked to her and I noticed she was smiling at me, but I didn’t know how to respond to that. I just felt really, _really_ , awkward. “My name’s Hannah, by the way,” she offered, relieving me of the necessity to respond to her previous statement. I pulled out one last can and finally turned to her, meeting a pair of lively green eyes.

“I’m Eren,” I introduced myself, taking her offered hand.

“Nice to meet you,” she replied politely.

“Need any help in here?” I turned around to see a new figure in the doorway of the kitchen, this time a tall man with close-cropped hair. Hannah smiled at the guy and turned to Levi, who appeared to be considering the offer.

“I am expecting about ten people. I will need places set for that number, and then everyone will need one of each item,” he instructed them. “Let me wash the vegetables first, though.”

“You got it,” the man enthused, stepping into the room and walking straight over to me. I smiled hesitantly. “Who’s this?” he asked, his brown eyes darting between Hannah and me.

I started to reply, but Hannah was faster. “This is Eren,” she introduced. “Eren, this is my husband, Franz.”

“Good to meet you,” Franz said, offering his hand and giving me a firm handshake. “I take it you’re a friend of Levi’s?”

“Yeah,” I confirmed. “Thought I’d help him out. Or try to, I’m not much of a cook,” I forced a little laugh and accepted the stack of cutting boards Hannah unloaded on me after retrieving them from a cupboard across the kitchen. I began distributing them around the large counter in the center of the room.

“Hey, I hear ya. Wait until you get married and have a few little ones running around, though. You learn to get creative, trust me,” Franz’s voice was weighted with knowledge.

I took a closer look at Hannah and Franz as I made my way around the table. They really didn’t look like they could be much older than any of the rest of my friends were, which meant they were probably in their mid-to-late twenties. _With a couple of kids? I can’t even imagine. No wonder they’re at this class. Well, that’s not entirely fair. There are better paying jobs than what I have. Reiner and/or Bertholt could definitely afford a few kids on their salary. I guess it just depends. I still can’t imagine two kids right now._ I wasn’t sure I could imagine kids, ever. I snuck a peek over at Levi as I moved along the rounded corner of the counter. _Does Levi want kids?_ A cold feeling sank down in me as I contemplated. Levi… didn’t really seem like someone who would want kids with his current lifestyle and tendencies, but that didn’t mean it was true.I finished with my cutting boards and absentmindedly moved out of the way to let Hannah and Franz come around with cans of beans and packages of cheese, accidentally bumping into Levi at the sink in the process.

“Oh, fu—iddlesticks!” I yelped awkwardly, spinning around and clamping a hand over my mouth, looking at Levi in alarm. I heard him snicker only because I was so close, and gave him a protesting nudge from my elbow. When I looked back up, Hannah was hiding her mouth behind a hand as her eyes danced, and Franz apparently had the immediate need to wash his hands. I gave Hannah a sheepish smile and she removed her hand to let laughter, bright and airy, bubble from her mouth. Franz’s shoulders shook. My breathing turned erratic, and before I knew it, I was joining in, laughing much louder and harder than I ever should have, but couldn’t help. When my body stopped convulsing, I wiped tears clinging to the edges of my eyelashes away and gave the couple a real smile.

“Sorry,” I offered a bit breathlessly.

“Really, don’t worry about it,” Franz dismissed. “That was pretty hilarious. But you’re not the only one, my friend.”

“Franz used to swear like a sailor,” Hannah contributed. “It wasn’t until our three-year-old started repeating him that he started watching it more.” She eyed her husband with somewhat exasperated amusement. I raised one eyebrow. This was not what I was expecting from church people.

“Here are the tomatoes and onions,” Levi pushed a bowl of freshly rinsed produce into my unsuspecting arms. I scrambled to get a grip on it before it went crashing to the floor. “Put some gloves on before you handle those,” he instructed.

“Uh…” I scanned around the kitchen space, looking for anything that looked like a box of gloves. Hannah quickly moved over to where Franz was leaning against the industrial sinks, and grabbed a small box after looking them over momentarily.

“I’m guessing you’re a large, right?” she inquired, holding out the box to me.

“Probably?” I hazarded, snatching a couple up and working a hand into one of them, flexing it briefly. I wrinkled my nose at the chalky sensation on my fingers, but it seemed to fit well enough. There was only a little bit of excess around each of my fingers. I quickly snapped the other into place and then went to work distributing one onion and one large red tomato to each station. Hannah and Franz followed after me with heads of lettuce.

“Have the tortillas been put out?” Levi turned around from the sink he had been working at and went to place the large colander in the industrial-sized sink labeled ‘WASH’.

I glanced over the setting quickly. “No,” Hannah and I said in unison. We glanced at each other and she smiled, her husband already searching for the overlooked plastic sack, which happened to be on the counter opposite from the one in the center, where a big metal screen was locked into place. I figured the church must hold events where they serve food directly from the kitchen, the way I imagined soup kitchens did it. Franz finished setting the tortillas out and Levi grabbed two handfuls of chopping knives and set them on top of the cutting boards.

“That should be everything. Thanks,” Levi nodded once, surveying the setup.

“No problem!” Franz enthused, walking over to his wife and looping an arm around her.

“So, Levi, how do you and Eren know each other?” Hannah questioned after a beat of silence.

My hand twitched with the phantom memory of Levi’s fingers snug between mine, but I clenched my hand to ground myself and breathed deep. This was not the first time I had pretended to just be the friend of a guy I was dating. I never enjoyed it, always feeling irrationally territorial, but at the end of the day, it wasn’t that big of a deal. It was an hour or two out of my life. Levi and I would leave here together later, and we would go back to the way things should be. I just had to be patient and keep my head cool for the duration of the class.

 “His roommate is one of my authors. We became friends.” Levi’s answer was expectedly succinct. Although it wasn’t the full story, it was also completely true, if one considered our relationship before we started dating a friendship. It wasn’t exactly conventional, but Levi had a… different way of showing affection. I was only now coming to identify the small things that demonstrated his past affection for me. I had always taken his silent company for granted, when he could have easily driven to a nearby café to work on other things until Armin was ready for him, but he always spent that time sitting with me—mostly in silence, but with occasional banter. I had sat there, oblivious, while Levi was, in his own way, communicating _I like you, I enjoy your company, I choose to prioritize you over everything else for right now._

“That’s so nice! I’m glad you could come, Eren,” Hannah said genuinely.

“Yeah, I’m glad he let me come.” I glanced over to Levi, who looked as unruffled as ever. “Like I said, I’m not much of a cook, but I like to help, and this seemed important to him, so…” I let my sentence die off, not really sure where to go from there. Before I could think too hard about it, though, my eyes caught on a man making his way into the kitchen, a brown messenger bag hanging off one shoulder, and black hair in disarray.

“Hi, everyone. I’m not late, am I?”

“Not later than we are, and we’re five minutes early,” a woman with long, dark hair parted down the middle said, walking in with another woman.

The guy breathed a sigh of relief, using his right hand to fuss with his hair while he used the other one to set his bag down on the floor. “Boris was throwing a fit and Hitch was frustrated and I was not even remembering this, but she did and just about threw me out the door. I was peddling full speed all the way here.”

_Ah, that explains the hair._

The man turned serious and tired storm grey eyes on me. The two women were also looking at him. As were Franz, Hannah, and Levi. Heat crept up my neck and into my face. _Not again._

“Yeah, the wind was harsh,” he stated simply. “Have we met before? I apologize, I have been at loose ends lately.”

I hastily waved my hands in front of my face. “No, no, I’m new,” I emended rapidly. “Sorry, sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my brain.”

“Oh, do not worry about it. My hair never cooperates. I’m actually going to run to the rest room to fix that and warm my hands up. I’ll be right back.” The guy hastily retreated from the room, asking to be excused as he edged past the two other newcomers.

The one who had spoken turned back to the group, plopping her purse on the counter to her right and stepping up to look at the stations around the center counter. “Hey, guys. Looks like some kind of taco?” she looked up with a crooked smile.

“Burritos,” Levi corrected. The woman hummed.

“Sounds good. And who are you?” she addressed me directly.

“I’m Eren; a friend of Levi’s.”

She quirked an eyebrow, but wiped the surprise from her face quickly and moved on to introduce herself. “Nice to meet you. I’m Lynne, and this is Nifa,” she gestured to the petite woman next to her. I tried to surreptitiously glance between Nifa and Levi. She was about as short as him, but far more delicate looking. Of course, that was hardly a shock considering how much muscle Levi had packed on. He was small, but built like a rock. I licked my lips, which were feeling all too dry. _Maybe now is not the time to be contemplating this._

Next to me, Levi glanced at his watch. “Okay, let’s get started as soon as Marlo returns,” Levi suggested, giving me a name to go with the tense man in the process.

“Can I do anything?” I asked Levi.

“Not until after the class. You can follow along and try to learn something, if you want. I doubt many more people will come. But you can also stand in a corner or sit at one of the tables in the room we walked through to get back here.”

“Is it alright if I join?” I spoke tentatively, liking the idea but concerned about overstepping my bounds.

“Did I not just say you could?” Levi quipped back.

“We don’t mind,” Hannah chimed in. “It’s always nice to have a new face, and Levi’s a great teacher. You’ll definitely learn something.”

O-Okay. I guess I’ll do that then.” I cursed myself in my head for how I was letting my nerves get the better of me. So far the unfriendliest person was Nifa, and that was pretty much solely because she hadn’t said anything yet. Maybe Marlo, but he mostly just seemed tired and distracted. I had no reason to be so on edge, but I couldn’t deny that I was. _Maybe it’s just the building…_

“Is this the cooking class?” All head swiveled to a woman who reminded me a lot of Petra, but with browner hair and a sterner expression. If there was an expression that said ‘stick up their ass,’ this would be it.

“It sure is!” Franz seemed to be full of tireless cheer. “Come on in, we’re just waiting for someone else to come back before we start. What’s your name?”

The woman looked at Franz hard for just enough time that _I_ started to feel awkward, but just when Franz’s smile began to falter, she stuck out her hand for a brisk handshake. “I’m Anka. Pleasure.”

Anka did not really seem pleased at all. She gave off the air that she was interacting with a military commander, instead of some guy taking a cooking class to feed his family cheaply. I tried to catch Levi’s eyes to see what he was making of this woman. He didn’t look my way, and his face was completely shut down, but I got the feeling he found her a little unusual, as well.

“Nice to meet you, too. Come on in and pick a spot. We’re doing some kind of burrito tonight.” Anka nodded crisply and walked right around the counter to plant herself next to me. I froze, and could practically feel my awkward meter rise by twenty percent. _Why did I want to come here again?_

I sighed quietly and sensed Levi’s sharp gaze on me. I tilted my head toward him and gave him a lopsided smile that vanished almost immediately as I realized that might have been tenderer than I intended. I dropped my gaze to my chopping board and began to fiddle with the handle of my knife.

A rich, cold, tone ghosted through my ear canals, “I swear, if you stab yourself with that, Eren, what I will do to you will be worse.”

I shivered. Goosebumps broke out on my skin. There was a dark promise in those words that had my breathing turn ragged for one painful second of _want_ , and then I white-knuckled the counter, shutting out what I had just heard. For now. There was no way I wasn’t going to remember that for later.

_Definitely shouldn’t have come. Who the fuck gets horny in a church of all places? At threats of violence? Why does Levi bring out my 18-year-old libido in the first place? This is not fair._

“What’s not fair?”

I turned, wide-eyed to Anka, who was still looking as solemn as ever, but maybe also… earnest? She was kind of like trying to read Levi. You needed a manual or at least one year’s experience for that shit.

“Oh, uh,” my cheeks were burning so hotly I knew there’d be no hiding it. “I was kind of thinking out loud. Sometimes things slip out.” I rubbed at the back of my neck, forgetting I had gloves on and grimacing at the texture making contact with the sensitive skin there. I shuddered for an entirely different reason.

“Oh.” She turned back to setting, eyes zoning out on the tabletop. My gut clenched with guilt. I hadn’t meant to be dismissive. It seemed like it was her first time here, too.

I peeled off my gloves but hesitated to go find a trashcan, wanting to not stew in awkward silence for the rest of the afternoon. “Have you been here before?” My voice wavered minutely.

Anka drew her light brown eyes back to me, considering me before answering. “No.”

Apparently she was even more taciturn than Levi. I shuffled a little, not feeling the tension ease at all.

“Me, too,” I offered. Anka just blinked at me. Maybe she was feeling as awkward as I was.

“Sorry to hold everyone up,” Marlo came back just then, breaking Anka and I from what was possibly the worst conversation I’d ever had, and that included the talk that Jean and I conducted entirely in belches. It was college and we were drunk. It wasn’t a great moment for me. Jean was still pretty proud of it, the last I heard.

“It is not a problem,” Levi told him. “Everyone find a spot and we’ll get started.” Levi came to situate himself by my left elbow. The place settings were rather tightly packed together, but with two spaces left empty, it seemed that the group was able to arrange themselves in a way that they found comfortable.

Levi took us through the recipe he’d brought, step-by-step—first, chop up the lettuce, tomato, and onion. My jaw dropped watching Levi cut everything up like a professional. I had so much trouble Levi wound up helping me before moving on to the next step—set out a tortilla, and smear black beans on it (preferably both were warmed first, I learned, but they didn’t need to be). Then put some of the chopped items on top, add as much cheese as desired, and wrap. Repeat. Apparently salsa and rice were also good, and pretty cheap, additions.

“For eight burritos, it’s only $6-7, depending on what toppings you use. Since I only chose cheese, each batch came in at $6.30,” Levi explained to the group. Hannah and Nifa were nodding at him, and most of the group was showing some degree of satisfaction on their faces. “That cost will depend on where you shop and what product you buy, though. I just went to my closest grocery store and got whatever was cheapest.”

I rolled my last burrito and looked around the rest of the counter, seeing where people were. Most were finished, but Franz, Marlo, and Anka still had a couple left. Lynne was picking up one of hers for a taste-test.

“Mm!” She nodded as she chewed. “Tasty. Thank you, Levi. I think my daughter will love these. They should freeze well, too.”

“Yes. For those of you who have not heard me say it before, if you buy the ingredients in bulk, it’s easy to make a lot at once and then freeze most of them for use later on.”

I found myself nodding along, too. This cooking thing actually made a lot of sense. If the cost-per-burrito was what Levi claimed it was, then making these would actually be cheaper than fast food. Way healthier, too. I found myself staring at Levi’s profile through a whole new lens. The hard line of his jaw and petite curve of his nose, intense eyes and features just an attractive cover for a man who was not just disciplined and intelligent, but talented and kind.

My boyfriend was kind of amazing.

Not that I didn’t think that of him already, but I had just been given a whole new perspective on him, and I couldn’t tame the creep of awe rising through my chest. Everyone here seemed to like and trust Levi, too, despite his prickly exterior.

It made me wonder how many others could really see past the wall he put up to the more tender heart behind it.

“What are you looking at, brat?”

I jolted, surprised to find Levi’s deep blue eyes boring into me. I had completely zoned out staring at his face. _Oops._

“S-Sorry,” I tried chuckling. “Just lost in thought, I guess…” Apparently so lost in thought that everyone was starting to clean up, because most people were stuffing their burritos into plastic baggies and taking their used boards and knives to the industrial sinks. Levi handed me a baggie, and then turned to walk over to the sinks, his intent to clean obvious. I looked down at my pile of burritos.

“You’re rather close to him, aren’t you?” a soft voice beside me asked. My gaze jerked to Anka.

“I… uh,” I grappled for words, taken off-guard by her question.

“I think that’s good. He seems lonely.” I just stood there and gawked. What was I supposed to say to that?

“I don’t know, of course. It’s just a guess.” I continued to stare. Anka returned to place the last two of her burritos in her bag and sealed it.

“Why—“ I opened my mouth without thinking, and quickly changed what I was going to say. “Do you want mine?”

Anka looked up at me, expression finally recognizable as something—surprise.

“Do you want my burritos?” I reiterated, just in case she thought she heard me wrong.

She searched my eyes, then looked me up and down. She seemed to deem me sincere. “Yes.”

I nudged my cutting board where my burritos were resting toward her, and let her handle them into the bag herself. I took both our knives and took a step to the sinks.

“Thank you.” It was quiet, but I felt her sincerity.

I twisted to smile at her.

“You’re welcome.”

~ ~ ~

After reaching that strange understanding with Anka, everything else went smoothly. Anka left almost immediately, Lynne, Nifa, and Marlo wiped down the counters before heading out, and Hannah and Franz stayed behind to help us wash the boards and knives. Levi insisted they take his share of burritos, and after a few attempts to deny the gift, finally yielded with what seemed like, to me, an unnecessary amount of graciousness. Finally, we parted ways, Franz and Hannah claiming they were going to stay for a Bible study, while Levi and I walked back out front.

It wasn’t until we were in the car that Levi spoke.

“Well?”

“What?” I didn’t know what kind of reaction he was expecting.

“You were the one who begged to come. Was it worth it?” He was keeping his features carefully arranged, making it hard for me to discern how he was feeling the experience went.

“I felt awkward for a lot of it,” I admitted.

“You are awkward,” Levi interrupted.

I frowned at him.

“Thanks, Levi.”

One corner of his mouth turned up and I found my will to be irritated at him melting like butter on high heat.

“As I was saying,” I restarted pointedly, “I felt awkward because I’ve never really hung around Christians or been in church, so I was constantly worried I was going to offend someone or give us away, but… you were amazing.”

Levi’s eyes turned wary.

“Really, I was having a hard time taking my eyes off you—and sorry about that, by the way—but I was just thinking about how… how you seem so unapproachable and yet everyone there seemed to really respect you. And you have these skills I didn’t even know existed and… I just…” A surge of self-consciousness overtook me and I averted my eyes. “You’re just… amazing,” I finished in a whisper.

A finger hooked under my chin immediately and guided me to look at Levi, only I couldn’t see much with Levi’s face so close. He was nothing more than a blur of pale skin and black hair, and then plush lips pressed into mine and my breathing hitched.

My hands came up on their own, one finding Levi’s thigh and the other working it’s way up to cradle his neck. The flood of chemicals that I’d been suppressing earlier returned with renewed force, and I let my body flow with the impulse, not wanting to deny either of us anything in that moment.

Levi, however, was.

“ _Eren_ , we’re in a church parking lot,” he hissed through clenched teeth as I finished unzipping his pants and reached into his boxers.

“I know,” I smiled brazenly at him, as I tipped forward to engulf the head of his cock in my mouth.

“ _Sh—mm,_ ” he bit off a curse before it could fully make it out of his mouth as I pushed his foreskin down a little with my lips and let my tongue toy with what I’d exposed.

“You _shit_ ,” he gasped. “I will be in so much _fucking!_ Trouble,” he growled, glaring down at me as I made it impossible for him to speak fluidly. “Do you want… to be responsible for—” his breath hitched, and he snapped, burying his fingers in my hair, not to push me down, but drag me up. “For malnourished children because I was caught having my boyfriend give me a blowjob right after the fucking class?” he demanded, holding me at eye level.

“Okay,” I said, sitting back in my chair and buckling up.

He stared at me incredulously.

“What?” I feigned innocence and he continued to look like I had just told him I could sometimes turn into a dickless monster.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘what’?” his typically level voice rising. “You know the fuck ‘what’” he snapped incredulously.

My lips twitched as I tried to hold myself together. It was too good seeing him lose composure like this. “No, I don’t, actually. You told me to stop—or, er, made me stop—so I stopped. What more do you want?”

He just gaped at me, robbed of words.

He jammed the key into the ignition so harshly I flinched.

“Un. Fucking. Believable,” he muttered, throwing the car into reverse. “You’re also in trouble for not using a condom,” he darkly informed me. He stepped on the gas so hard my body flung forward, only to be slammed back a second later as he pealed out of the parking lot. I strained my eyes to look at Levi without turning my head, one part alarmed, and the other part astounded, leaving me completely paralyzed. Levi’s eyes were dark as the watched the road and there was subtle movement to his jaw like he was biting the inside of his cheek or grinding his teeth.

_What the fuck have I unleashed?_

Levi drove us back to his place at speeds that were _definitely_ not legal, my brain only _starting_ to come back online by the time we pulled back into his driveway five minutes later. I fumbled with numb hands for the door handle, but cold digits around my wrist stopped me. I twisted my head to look into the lascivious pools of Levi’s eyes—the pupils so expanded the rings of blue haloing them were hardly perceptible in the dim light.

He leaned further forward to press his lips to my ear and growl softly, “You started it, you shit. Now you’re going to finish it.” Demanding fingers gripped the back of my neck and urged me forward, pulling me down as he leaned back, the hand not in use reaching to move the seat backwards and give us both some room. I licked my lips and looked up at him, unnerved by the abandoned and commanding side Levi was suddenly showing, but aroused and exhilarated all the same.

Levi cocked one eyebrow as if to say, ‘ _Well?_ ” as a feathery touch danced along my cheekbone. I automatically inclined my head to chase the touch, but gave up when he dropped his hand down to the latch of a glove box I hadn’t even realize existed, it was so narrow, and flicked it open to reveal several condoms and some lube.

I swallowed, hard.

Levi was oblivious to my state, however, withdrawing a single condom and tossing it at me before latching the box closed again.

He settled back in his seat once more, training predatory eyes on me. “You know what I want, Eren,” he said softly.

My throat went dry.

I stared at Levi for a moment, too stunned to move, but Levi just kept sitting there, looking at me unwaveringly, and finally, pressured by the awkwardness of being trapped in a tiny car with the expectation of sexual favors hanging heavily in the air, my numb fingers began fumbling with the condom resting in my lap.

“You might want to pull out my dick first,” Levi suggested flatly, making me drop the packet accidentally and bring heat rushing to my cheeks and radiating down my neck. Levi chuckled softly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this shy before, brat,” he commented. “Where did all that bravado go?”

A spark flared in my chest and I instinctually rose to the challenge in his words, and I bent myself over him, caging him in as much as I could without digging my back into the steering wheel.

My hands clutched at the leather seat and all the retorts died on my lips as our proximity made me hyper-aware of everything that was Levi. Pale lips slightly parted, accelerated breath, lidded eyes that were waiting for me to make my move—and ironically freezing me up.

I watched those lips move as he breathed my name, and then I was consuming them. My hands roved south and ran into the fabric of Levi’s slacks. My fingers undid his belt and then scrabbled to catch the button and slip it through the hole. My mind, however, was preoccupied with the game of cat and mouse Levi and I were playing with our tongues. I finally broke the kiss to look at what I was doing, and was tugging at Levi’s pants a second later. After the obligatory awkward shuffle of me trying to drag his pants down while he lifted his hips up, his clothing was the few inches lower it would take to make this comfortable for both of us. Not that either of us were really comfortable.

“Who’s idea was it to do this in the car?”

“Yours. Absolutely, fucking yours,” Levi gasped as I gave him a quick preliminary swipe of my tongue. “Put that fucking condom on right now, Eren.”

I cringed. “Sorry! I keep forgetting—”

“Just shut the fuck up and get on with it,” he griped.

“But, really, you drove us all the way back to the house, why didn’t we just go inside?” I took the condom out of its wrapper, quickly determining which way it was rolled and putting it on Levi.

Levi groaned, but it wasn’t in pleasure. “Are you _trying_ to kill my mood?” I continued to stare at him expectantly. He groaned again. “Because _you_ got me worked up and I obviously wasn’t thinking clearly. But my naked ass is currently resting against my leather interior, and since I’m going to have to sanitize the fuck out of this car regardless now, you had better make it worth _it_ — _fuck!_ ”

I didn’t really wait for him to finish as I went straight for the head, using my tongue to gently massage it and closing my lips to provide gentle suction. The plasticy taste of condom was not one I savored, but…

“ _Mm!_ ”

The noise Levi was making was worth it.

I laved a long line up his shaft and took a little more of him in. I could feel Levi’s abdominals working as his breathing hitched and he tried to hold in little cries. My lower half was alight with desire, but I let my hips twitch into the empty air, wanting to keep the focus on Levi. I never imagined he would be this _sensitive._

A pressure on my head made me twitch in surprise, but when Levi’s fingers began scratching at my scalp, I leaned into the touch. I came up for air and pressed a kiss to the tip, looking up the line of Levi’s torso till I found his eyes. Dark, hazy eyes that were _devouring_ me.

I licked my lips as I stayed fixed on those eyes, unable to look away from them, completely entranced. Levi’s fingers kept moving through my hair, threading through the longer strands at the top to the shorter hairs at the base of my neck as he simply watched me. He tilted his head to one side and flicked his gaze past my chin, to where his cock gave a little bob. I smiled at him, warm and fond, and placed my lips back on the peak of the head, slowly slipping over until my lips closed down over the crown, and then kept going until I had about half of it in my mouth—as much as I was going to get without activating my gag reflex. I moved my mouth up, hollowing my cheeks, and repeated the action over and over, giving appreciative little licks and suckles every time I reached the end. I put the hand around the base into motion, stimulating him in every way I knew how, and Levi exhaled another shuddering breath, his whole body tensing, straining, relaxing, just like he was…

My own cock jerked at the thought.

_Is he trying not to come?_

I knew Levi said it had been a long time for him, but I was both aroused and prideful with the thought that I already had him close to orgasm.

I was also a little relieved. As amazing as I knew deep-throating could feel for the recipient, it had been long enough since I’d done it that I was not sure if I could pull it off without gagging, and things were awkward enough without looking like I was going to throw up. If this was Levi’s first blowjob in a while, I wanted it to be as smooth as possible. I wanted him to remember this. I wanted him to close his eyes and still be able to feel every twirl and flick of my tongue. I gave his length a long, _slow_ , suck, and drowned in the groan Levi released. His body was wound tight, ready to let go, he just needed that last little push over the edge.

And I gave it to him.

He gasped.

“ _Eren.”_

And then there was the warm gush. I could not taste nor feel it sliding down my throat, but it was warm and the feeling was sweet. I was so satisfied that I could leave my aching genitals alone and remain perfectly peaceful.

But since I didn’t _have_ to…

I sat back in my seat, groaning at the relief it gave my back, Levi’s hand loosening and leaving my scalp as I quickly worked myself out of my pants.

I made a loose fist around my erection and wasted no time with teasing—I had denied myself enough. I set a quick tempo, putting a little extra pressure _just_ underneath the head.

“ _Mm, Levi_ ,” I whimpered, tossing my head to the side to look at him, finding him looking back at me… Looking at me in that way. That way that I could now name.

Like he…

“ _Ah!_ ”

I curled forward as release hit me, rippling waves of _goodness_ pulsing from my cock and spreading through my system.

A cool hand lifted my face, and Levi brought it close. Close enough to look, but not close enough to kiss.

I looked into his eyes—usually so guarded, but now like open windows, wide and deep with feeling.

Just like New Year’s Eve.

A rich, wonderful, overpowered sensation rose from my center and overtook me.

There was no question anymore, and the words flitted through my head like they'd always been there.

_I love him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you dare find me on tumblr: [ resmiranda13. ](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I track STTOFTB if you want to follow updates and/or tag something related to the fic. I also track resmiranda13 if you want me to see something.
> 
> See you all next chapter!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi shares a little more of his past and Valentine’s Day doesn’t get off to a good start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to profess my deep gratitude for those of you who have given this story love and attention. I saw the kudos count going up, but even so, I am so amazed that it has gone over 1000. Back when I started posting this, that was a pipe dream. I’m so honored by the kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions, comments, and hits. I honestly think those of you who read this story are the best because my experience has been so positive. Thank you all.
> 
> A HUGE thanks to [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/) for betaing again!! If we missed something, please point it out to me!
> 
> This chapter was going to be a really long chapter, and then I decided to split it (because apparently all holidays need two parts in this story??). So Valentine’s Day will be continued next chapter, and it’s one I’m really excited to write! That said, I beg patience once more because I’m going to be crazy busy once September hits. I’ll try to update once more before then, but no promises!
> 
> Until then… enjoy?

“How do you feel about going to Erwin’s house on Friday?”

I tilted my head backwards to get an inverted look at Levi, who was hovering on the end of his couch, where I was currently sprawled.

It was another Sunday, a couple weeks from the one where I’d gone with Levi to the church. I had spent the night with him again after spending a good half hour cleaning up his car after our… romp.

And my… realization.

If I was being completely honest, that had made the rest of the weekend difficult to get through. Though I couldn’t _lie_ to myself anymore about what I was feeling, that didn’t mean I couldn’t shove it far, _far_ away in a dark corner of my mind for contemplation at a later date. I wasn’t ready to tell Levi. Or, more accurately, I wasn’t sure Levi was ready to hear it. Actually, fuck it, I didn’t know what it was, but Levi and I had hardly been together a month and it just didn’t feel right.

As a result, the rest of the evening I’d been jumpy and uncomfortable. Levi must have noticed it—it would be impossible not to, even with someone less observant, but he was kind enough to give me some space and not say anything.

Since then, Levi and I had hardly seen one another. Levi was busy, as usual, and I had been taking advantage of that fact, for once, to get some space from him. It wasn’t that I really wanted to avoid him… I just needed some time to work out my own thoughts. I’d never been very good at it, and I frequently went to Armin just so I could process my thoughts out loud—but this time I wanted to keep this to myself for a while. I didn’t want Armin to be the first one I told. Plus, even it I wanted to, he was out of town. So I’d spent the last few weeks doing a little more daydreaming than I should have at work, and doing my best to mentally prepare myself for being around Levi again without acting completely sporadic. Nothing had actually changed—I was just feeling overwhelmed with no real reason to.

I had specifically asked if he could make some time for me today, and it was only when I saw him again that I realized how much I’d missed him and that I had no reason to avoid him for so long when I felt so secure with him.

Now, Levi and I were spending a lazy Sunday together. I was reading the last few chapters of the final copy of Armin’s book, and Levi was cleaning his kitchen. Or he had been until his phone had started ringing.

Apparently it had been Erwin.

“Friday?” My eyebrows drew together. Something was tickling the back of my mind concerning that day. My mind churned slowly for a few seconds before it clicked. I slowly sat up, trying to stay indifferent. “Isn’t that Valentine’s Day?”

Levi’s face didn’t shift.

“Yes.”

 _Oh_.

I tried not to let the disappointment show on my face. I did not even particularly _like_ Valentine’s Day, but I guessed the more romantic part of me had thought we might do _something_ just the two of us. I guessed I couldn’t complain too much, though, since he at least wanted to spend time with me, even if we weren’t going to be alone. I wanted some time to get to know his friends better, anyway.

“Sure.”

Levi somehow still caught on to what I wasn’t saying.

“That’s probably not what you were hoping for, is it?” Levi looked a little discouraged.

“No!” I denied with a little too much enthusiasm. “I mean, it sounds nice.” I almost cringed at how lame that sounded. “Will it just be Erwin and us?” I tried questioning; mostly just so I could stop talking.

“No, actually this is another… tradition, I guess. Hanji, Moblit, Mike and his wife, Erwin, and I always spend some time in the evening of Valentine’s Day together. He just formally invited you, though I was planning on bringing you along, anyway. If you wanted to.”

I sat up a little straighter and smiled more broadly. “Like I could refuse that.”

“I didn’t know if you had other plans or not.”

“What other plans would I have on Valentine’s Day if they weren’t with my boyfriend?” I was genuinely perplexed.

“You could have made a dentist appointment or something.”

I stared at him. I think it took me ten seconds before I even blinked. I wasn’t a fan of the holiday, but that just seemed like excessive punishment. “Why would you do that?”

“If you hate Valentine’s Day and find the dentist relaxing, why not?”

I was incredulous. “Who finds that relaxing?”

“What? Some people take good care of their teeth and like having a clean mouth.” Levi’s tone was the slightest shade defensive. I was getting the distinct sense we weren’t just talking about the average theoretical person. That actually made a certain amount of sense, though, knowing him. I still thought he was crazy. “It’s really not as painful as some people make it out to be,” he added.

I shuddered just thinking about some of my appointments. “Clearly you’ve had more positive experiences than I’ve had.” Suspicion rose in me. “You _have_ had a cavity, right?”

The shift Levi made was barely perceptible. “Three.”

I stared at him. I recalled his age in my head. I confirmed the number he just told me and his age with myself several times before I repeated, “Three.”

“Yes,” he confirmed.

I was aghast. “What are you?”

He still wouldn’t rise to my bait. “Someone who takes good care of his teeth.”

Yeah, well,” I huffed, “that doesn’t work for everyone.”

Levi ignored my comment and continued on as if I hadn’t spoken. “I haven’t had any in twenty-five—no, twenty-six—years.”

I did the math in my head. “You were twenty the last time you got a filling,” I said flatly.

“Yeah,” he grimaced. “I don’t like to think about it.”

“Who does?” I retorted.

“I really wish I could have consistently had things to eat other than processed sugar when I first became an adult,” he commented somewhat wistfully. “Could have saved myself the shitty experience.”

“You mostly ate sugar?” I blurted out before I could think better of it. My stomach hurt just thinking about it.

Levi gave me a strange look. “Yeah. When I didn’t consistently have a home after I aged out of the foster system, I ate a lot of candy bars, amongst other things. They’re convenient to steal and high calorie,” he explained. “They can be noisy, but when you have to choose between noisy and awkwardly shaped, I went with what I could fit in my pockets easily. Learned ways to mask the noise.”

For some reason, I had trouble processing what he was telling me. “You _stole_?” Honestly, Levi had hinted at his shady past enough times that I should have seen this coming, but somehow I was still surprised. I hesitantly asked, “Did you ever get arrested?”

Levi shook his head, walking around to join me on the couch. I wormed my toes underneath his thigh for warmth and laid my head against the back of the couch to listen. “I came close a couple of times, but I was always too fast and thin for anyone to keep up with me.”

“I had no idea,” I admitted.

Levi shrugged and looked away. “You did not have much of a reason to. I don’t talk about this often.”

“Sorry,” I replied automatically.

Levi’s dark eyes locked on me.

“What for, brat?”

I took a second to think about my response, wiggling my toes absentmindedly. “Making you think about it, I guess.”

Levi shook his head and chuckled. He turned into me and ran a hand through my disheveled hair, massaging my scalp lightly. “Eren,” he sighed, the use of my name causing me to perk up. “I like talking to you. Even if it is about less enjoyable parts of my life. Not many people know about my past, but I want you to be one of them.”

Levi’s hand trailed down my side till he could slide it over mine. It was unusually warm. In fact, everything was too warm. I reached up with my unoccupied hand to unzip the hoodie I was wearing. My chest felt so tight. When did it get so hard to breathe?

I knew how much it meant that Levi had said that to me. I knew how much he was trusting me. I felt every ounce of it, and yet even as it weighed on me, I felt elated.

“I do not want to keep shutting you out, Eren. I know I can be unpleasant and do not always treat you like I should, but you are…” he searched my eyes briefly and wrestled for a word, “special… to me.”

I bit my lip, trying to ground myself in the midst of the emotion flooding me.

_Fuck, am I tearing up?_

I turned my hand over and gripped his, but lacked the willpower to look into his eyes anymore. Levi didn’t press me on it, just stroked the back of my hand with a thumb until I composed myself. I still didn’t know what to say to him, though, so I offered him a watery smile, soft and sincere.

He offered me the sweetest kiss I’d ever tasted.

~ ~ ~

“You’re going to Erwin’s on Valentine’s Day?”

Armin’s reaction was pretty much exactly what I had been expecting. Who wouldn’t find this a little strange? It seemed a little odd that a bunch of middle-aged friends gathered on a couple’s holiday, but…

“To each their own, I guess?” I shrugged.

We’d just finished up dinner after I got off of work and I was catching him up on the last few weeks, since I had barely heard from him. He’d been out “seeking inspiration.” He refused to tell me where he’d gone. It was one of his author quirks.

“Does that… bother you?” Armin inquired.

I let my shoulders lift and drop once more. “I was disappointed at first, but now I’m kind of excited. And nervous. But this seems kind of important to him, so…” I couldn’t contain the smile that was fighting for control of my facial muscles.

Armin rolled his eyes, but his lips tugged upward, fond and knowing, all the same. “You have it so bad,” he baited.

I slumped further into our couch, letting my jacket rise to partially cover my face.

“Wait. Eren?” Armin was leaning forward, trying to make eye contact, analytical gaze sweeping my appearance. Surprised rounded out his features. “Eren!” he cried, looking all too gleeful. “You’re not denying it.”

My face was so fucking hot.

“So what if I’m not?”

“I knew it.” Armin sat back up, far too satisfied with himself.

“Knew what?” It was my turn to be disbelieving.

“That you two would be good together.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I grumbled. “You’re a great match maker; now can you _please_ shut up,” I begged.

Armin just smiled cheekily. “Nope.”

I sighed dramatically. “Of course.” I tugged my jacket away from my face once more, and cast my line of sight out the window.

A gentle nudge from an elbow drew my eyes back to Armin. “Eren,” Armin’s voice and face had softened greatly from a moment ago, everything bleeding care and sincerity now. “I’m just really glad to see you happy again. You are happy, right?”

I swiveled my face away and tilted my head back so I was looking at the stippled surface of the ceiling. I thought of my first date with Levi and every day I’d spent with him since. Things weren’t perfect. I was still unsure that the age difference between us would really remain a non-issue over time. But when I thought of Jean—when I thought of any of the flings I’d had before—I couldn’t ever remember being happier with another person than I was with Levi right now. Even Jean and I at our best had always felt slightly _off_ somehow. Or, at least, now that I had Levi to compare him to, it did. We didn’t lock into place the way Levi and I seemed to.

Without even realizing it, I was smiling broadly again.

“Yeah. I am.” I threw an arm over my face to obscure the embarrassingly sappy expression I knew I was wearing. “I really fucking am.”

Armin elbowed me again, a little harder, and I instinctively brought my arms down to protect my side from further attack. I shot a glare at Armin, but couldn’t hold it when I saw how damn cheerful he looked.

“Good. To repay me, you can take me out to ice cream.”

I grabbed a throw pillow and used it for the purpose its name implied.

~ ~ ~

The rest of the week was hell. February had no right to be so busy, but I was drowning in paperwork and having a hard time keeping up with all the phone calls I needed to make to vendors and clients. It was Friday morning already and, at this rate, it would be a miracle if I caught up enough to even go _home_ this evening, let alone to Erwin’s.

I sighed heavily, leaned forward and rubbed at my temples. _Are Levi and I even supposed to be having lunch together today?_ I couldn’t remember. It probably didn’t make a lot of sense if we were going to have all evening together. Still, I probably needed to check on that so he didn’t end up driving all the way here only to have me send him away.

I began fishing in my pocket for my phone. If I didn’t call him right now while I was thinking about it, I most likely would forget to ask him later. I already had two separate to-do lists that respectively had one thing crossed off of each. _Fucking companies with their stupid people not picking up their checks when their supposed to and then blaming_ me _for not getting it to them on time…_ I was vaguely aware that I was grumbling all this under my breath as my fingers automatically went through the motions of calling Levi.

He picked up on the second ring.

“Eren? Is everything okay?” I pulled the phone away to just confirm that, yes, I had called Levi. I mean, it sounded like Levi, but it was unlike him to sound concerned. _What did I call to tell him again?_ My brain felt like it was swimming through sludge. _I need more coffee_. I sought out my cup on my desk, confused when I didn’t immediately see it.

“ _Eren_?” The noticeable note of alarm in Levi’s voice jarred me back to the present. I smacked the phone back to my cheek.

“Sorry! I’m here! I’m fine!”

“Shit,” he cursed emphatically. “Don’t fucking do that. You had me thinking… You know that if you ever have an emergency, you call 911, right?”

I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. I was too tired and stressed for this shit. “Yes, _Dad_.”

I froze.

I think Levi stopped breathing on the other end.

“Let’s  _Shit. Shit_ pretend _I didn’t—_ that did not happen,” we spoke at once, leaving me to hear just enough to realize we were both on the same page.

“What? Yeah. Yeah, that.”

Now I _really_ didn’t know why I had called.

“So why did you call?”

“I can’t remember.”

I could feel Levi holding back his frustration from here.

“Well, text me if you do. I have a lot to do before this evening.”

I sat bolt upright in realization.

“That! That was it!” I shouted. I sank down in my seat a big when I remembered I was in the office. With other people. “Sorry. I called because I…” lost my train of thought again. I looked around my desk and saw stack after disorganized stack of papers. _Work! Right._

“Work?” Levi echoed. I didn’t know if he was guessing or if I had spoken out loud.

“Yeah. Yeah, I wanted to know if we were doing lunch today? I was assuming not, but figured I should call and check. Honestly, I’m so busy I’m… I’m not sure I can go tonight?” I phrased it like a question, but I wasn’t sure who I was asking.

Levi was quiet on the other end, leaving me to shift nervously in my desk chair.

“Levi?” I softly prompted after giving him several seconds.

“I’m here,” he immediately responded, not sounding off in the least. My eyebrows drew down as I contemplated if he was really okay or not. “Make sure you text me to let me know. I have to go now.” I opened my mouth to respond, but he only hesitated before speaking again. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

He hung up before I could respond.

I slumped forward on my desk, one of my arms finding my coffee cup and knocking it over.

“Fuck!” I bellowed as coffee started to gush everywhere. I picked it up as fast as I could, moving stuff out of the way as swiftly as possible. Petra came skidding around the corner, looking alarmed. She quickly assessed the situation and ducked out just as quickly, presumably to get paper towels. I hoped.

I turned around, setting my drinking cup on a file cabinet behind me before going back to evaluate the damage.

Fortunately, only one stack of papers had gotten a meaningful amount of liquid dumped on them, and it was the packing slips. Those didn’t need to look nice, just be readable. Petra bustled back into my office throwing several paper towels over the stack of papers in my hands, and tossed the rest on the desk to absorb the small puddle there. I was so grateful I had been drinking from a disposable cup with a lid instead of a mug. _That_ would have been a disaster.

I collapsed back in my chair and dropped the papers into my lap, halfheartedly dabbing at the top sheet with the wad of towels. I placed my left hand over my eyes.

“Here.”

I peered through my fingers to find Petra holding her hand out, seeking the papers I was holding. I lifted them up to her without words, but did not move my hand. I felt like such a failure and an idiot. Fucking things up with Levi, fucking things up at work… _It’s fucking Valentine’s Day. The stupidest fucking holiday of the year, but it is supposed to be romantic and shit and Levi was definitely upset…_

“Eren?”

I squeezed my eyes tight and took a few deep breaths before revealing my face to Petra once more.

“Is everything okay? You don’t look… well.”

I barked a clipped, humorless, laugh.

“I’m just… stressed.” That was what it came down to, really.

Petra placed the packing slips in my inbox and moved to mop my desk up some more as she spoke. “You look like it. I’m sorry this month has been so nuts. I’m sorry—I couldn’t help but overhear—it sounds like you have plans tonight?”

I heaved a sigh. “Yeah.”

“And you’re buried here? Or, at least your desk is?” she tried to joke.

“Yeah.”

Petra scooped up the used towels and disposed of them before marching around my desk to stand in front of me.

“Eren, if you’re having a hard time, you need to _say something_ ,” she admonished. “We’re a team. You have your designated position, but _we help each other out_. You should have told me—anyone here—if you were falling behind!” I stared at her, doe-eyed. I’d see Oluo on the receiving end of these scolding’s; I had never gotten one myself.

“But it’s—”

“No ‘buts’!” she interjected, huffing afterwards. “Now. What can I help you with?”

I stared at her blankly for a bit, not comprehending despite the speech she’d just given me.

“It’s not really that I can’t—”

“ _Eren_ ,” she cut in sharply. “ _What can I help you with?_ ” It now sounded more like a command than a question. I gulped.

Clearly, there would be no denying her help.

“Well, the thing that’s taking the most time is all the calls I have to make today, but—”

“Great! I’ll help you with that. Do you have a list?”

“Uh, yeah,” I spluttered. “On my computer.”

“Email me,” she ordered. “Since you’ve already started, I’ll go halfway down and do the second half. Give me a sentence on what I’m calling about. Don’t worry, I’ll cut down this list for you in no time. Wouldn’t want to deprive Levi of you tonight, right?” She smiled knowingly.

My cheeks and ears warmed. Sometimes I still forgot that Petra was close to Levi. As nice as she was, she had to care about him much more than she did me. She was a good friend. For a second I thought I might cry again, this time in relief.

“Thank you.” I sounded too emotional for my liking.

Petra waved me off. “Like I said, we’re a team. Let us support you, would you?” She whirled around and began to walk out, but paused in the doorway. “Email me,” she reminded, before disappearing from my sight again.

I would email Petra, but I had something to do first. I put my hand in my pocket for my phone, only to realize it had clattered to the floor in the chaos of the coffee incident. I picked it up and wiped it off on my jeans before unlocking it to send a simple text:

_I’ll be there tonight. For sure. happy valentine’s day to you too <3_

Levi would hate that I didn’t capitalize proper nouns and abandoned punctuation. He probably wouldn’t be too fond of the heart, either.

But that was okay.

I grinned to myself.

He could complain about it in person tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Great guess to those of you who thought Eren said the last line of last chapter out loud! It's always uncertain with him. That one's important enough that he kept it in his head, though. He's aware enough of the power of those words that he won't say them carelessly. ;)
> 
> If you dare find me on tumblr: [ resmiranda13. ](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I track STTOFTB if you want to follow updates and/or tag something related to the fic. I also track resmiranda13 if you want me to see something.
> 
> See you all next chapter!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Erwin's house is covered in pink and Hanji breaks Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI. It has been so long, and I apologize. Interning on top of working (and that school thing) has severely limited my free time, but I've been writing this thing, even if it is literally one word a day. The good news is winter break will be here soon, and I have a good chunk of the next chapter already written (it was actually supposed to all be in this chapter, but the way it was flowing, a chapter break felt better to me)! I am forever grateful for your patience.
> 
> A gigantic thank you to [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/) for betaing once more!!
> 
> And can I just say WOW and THANK YOU, once more, for all the ways you guys have shown me support for this fic?! I am so honored by the kudos, comments, bookmarks, hits... all of it. Thank you so much. <3

_Good._

That one-word reply from Levi had gotten me through the rest of what had started as a hellish day, but was now looking up considerably. Petra had whizzed through phone calls faster than I thought possible. I could see why Levi had liked her. They were similar—small in stature, but capable of holding their own, and then some. They didn’t take shit from anyone. I could occasionally hear snatches of conversation when Petra raised her voice while on the phone, and she handled pig-headed businessmen better than Idid. Of course, she had about seven years of experience on me.

Later on, she’d roped Oluo into helping me, too, saying he could use a little more on his plate to keep him from being lazy. The guy didn’t even protest her comment on his work ethic. He was so whipped. I was quietly rooting for him, though. When Petra relaxed, I could see the fondness in her gaze as she looked at Oluo. I just wasn’t quite clear on if she was actually interested in him, or if he was more like an exasperating little brother to her.

Contemplating that made me shudder. It was one of my greatest nightmares that Levi would end up feeling that way about me. Of course, if he did, that would be pretty messed up, since most people don’t give their brothers blow jobs.

I shook my head vigorously and fled from that line of thought like a turkey on fire, instead focusing back on my desk. It was once again orderly, with most of the surface visible. Everything was more or less organized now, thanks to Petra and Oluo’s help, and it was an hour before my work day even officially ended.

I propped my chin in my hand, staring at my sleeping computer screen and contemplating texting Levi. He had made it clear earlier that he was busy, too. I didn’t want to bother him if he didn’t have the ability to pick me up early.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn’t realize someone was entering the building until I heard the the door creaking open. I snapped out of my musings, only to find myself staring at the subject of them. My brows furrowed, and I twisted around to examine the clock on the wall to my left, double-checking that I hadn’t zoned out for an entire hour. Finding I hadn’t, I returned my attention to Levi.

“You’re early,” I noted, still bemused.

Levi’s lips twitched faintly, and he took a few more steps in, planting himself right in front of me and crossing his arms. “What can I do?”

I stared at him dumbly. I understood his words, but their meaning wouldn’t take hold. It took me a while to even find my voice. “What?”

He scoffed quietly, clearly disapproving of having to repeat himself. “How can I be useful?”

I floundered, touched and discombobulated at the same time. “I, uh, actually Petra and Oluo helped. I mean, I’m done. Early. They helped me finish everything.” I felt heat race up my neck and into my face. “I was actually just thinking about whether or not to text you that I was done early,” I admitted with a sheepish smile. Levi’s gaze was warm, but his eyes shifted away when Petra appeared in the hallway.

“Hello, Levi,” she greeted rather politely.

“Hey,” he returned.

“So you have plans tonight, huh?” She had a mischievous twinkle in her eye that made me wary. Levi was looking similarly guarded, but that was how he always looked. “Erwin’s?”

I felt the corners of my mouth pitching downward, and tried to recover the smile I’d been wearing a second ago. Levi and Petra’s pleasantries faded to a dull buzz as I tried to fight off the part of me that bristled at Petra’s perceptiveness. Petra’s perceptiveness was only to be expected. She was an ex, and a good friend of a number of Levi’s friends on top of that, making her conclusion a natural one. It meant nothing. She had even _helped_ me get ready to go in time. She deserved better than petty jealousy when she’d been nothing but kind and helpful in regard to my relationship with Levi. Shit, she’d been one of the most enthusiastic when she received the news that we were dating.

“Eren?”

I jerked from gazing vacantly at the door to Levi and Petra. Both of them were looking at me.

“Uh, sorry?” I reached over my shoulder to grab my jacket and put it on, just to give myself a distraction from my embarrassment.

“I asked if you were ready to go,” Levi repeated dryly.

I fumbled to collect my belongings, suddenly feeling frazzled and nervous.

“Keep breathing, Eren. I know we have some strange friends, but I’m sure they all like you. Trust me,” Petra offered kindly.

I patted my pockets one more time and offered her a timid smile. It startled me when ice, cleverly disguised as Levi’s fingers slid against my palm and twisted with mine. I automatically lifted it up and sandwiched his hand between my palms, trying to transfer some heat. Levi’s hands were like mini freezers, though. My hands cooled down rapidly, but his hands didn’t seem to be getting any warmer. I rubbed his fingers lightly.

“How do your hands actually manage to _generate_ cold?” It just wasn’t right.

I looked away from Levi’s long, pale fingers to his face, and was startled to find him with his eyes averted and shoulders tense, clearly uncomfortable. Petra had vanished without even saying goodbye. I stopped my ministrations and bit my lip, now feeling awkward holding Levi’s hand, but not just wanting to drop it either, since he had taken it in the first place. Levi holding a hand was like getting an anti-social cat to sleep in your lap. Once it was there, you didn’t want to disturb it, lest it somehow take personal offense and never do it again.

“Fuck if I know,” Levi mumbled after a moment, giving me a hearty yank that resulted in me gracelessly pitching straight into Levi’s side. He didn’t budge a centimeter. My mind flashed to images of all the solid muscle he was hiding underneath that shirt.

_SFW thoughts. I am literally in the middle of work._

“If you cannot wait to fap, just do it in Erwin’s bathroom. He doesn’t care.” Levi delivered that information with such monotonous factuality, he could have been reporting yesterday’s shitty weather. I was taken so off guard that when he pulled me this time, I just trailed after him in a zombie-like state of pure mortification.

Levi leaned over when we got in his car and surprised me with a peck on the cheek. I looked at him questioningly and he settled back into his seat, almost looking bashful. “Stop looking so fucking cute you brat, or I’ll have to join you in there.”

A little flame of happiness danced in my chest even as I tilted my head and struggled to decode the rest of his message.

 _What was the last thing he—_ “Oh. _Oh!_ ”

“You are so fucking slow.”

“It’s been a long day!” I protested.

His eyes flitted over to me. “Are you suggesting it has not been for me?”

“No, but—you know what I mean!”

Levi chuckled lowly, making my gut twist in a not totally unpleasant way.

“Of course I do, but I like it when you turn red,” he remarked, straightforward and honest.

“Good because at this rate I’m going to spend the whole day this color,” I grumbled, waving halfheartedly at my face.

Levi’s mouth quirking up at the corner was his only answer.

My heart flopped.

I was so fucked.

~ ~ ~

Erwin’s house was not what I was expecting.

In my head, I had placed Erwin in some two-story Victorian-style mansion to go with his polished appearance and the paycheck I could only assume was hefty.

In reality, the house Levi took me to was a modest and unassuming one-story, painted white with tan trim. It was certainly a _nice_ little house—the yard was well-manicured and the roof was free of moss, but it was hardly the mansion I had been envisioning.

Levi appeared outside of my door, and opened it for me. I realized I hadn’t even taken off my seatbelt and made to do so, thanking him as I exited. He closed the door and quickly locked the car before pocketing the key and leading me up the small driveway with a hand to the small of my back.

Levi didn’t bother knocking at the front door, just opened the it and guided me in.

“Levi, Eren. I’m glad you could make it.”

“Shit!” I cried, just about jumping out of my skin as the door was pushed closed, revealing Erwin, who had been hidden right behind it. I clutched at my chest, and tried to keep my knees from giving out as I regained my composure. Erwin stepped forward and laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder, as Levi’s palm came to rest on the dip of my spine again.

“I’m so sorry, Eren,” Erwin apologized earnestly. “I did not mean to frighten you. Are you feeling okay? Would you like to sit down?”

I waved him off, straightening up a little more as my strength returned. Erwin retracted his hand, but his warm blue eyes were still concerned. _Even after he nearly made me piss my pants I still can’t dislike this guy_ , I thought rather petulantly.

“I’m fine,” I told him. “You just took me off guard.”

“What he means is why the fuck were you just hovering next to the door. It’s creepy,” Levi bluntly translated.

Erwin laughed from his gut. "I just happened to be walking out of the office when you two came in, really,” he explained. “Would you like to hang your coats up?” He did not wait for an answer, and instead started walking through an open pair of French doors to a neat office space with a polished wood coat rack in the corner, several coats already draped on its arms.

Erwin offered to take each of our jackets and hung them up in turn before leading us back out and down a short hallway, making small talk with Levi about weekend plans while I quietly absorbed Erwin’s décor. Like the outside of the house, everything was simple, but well-cared-for and tasteful.

Until we got to the kitchen.                                                                         

I felt like I had stepped out of reality and into some Barbie-Valentine’s-Alternate-Universe.

Everything was _pink._ Really fucking pink. Modestly accented with white and red. I had to actively fight the urge to block my eyes.

Levi had no such sense of courtesy, however.

“Fuck it, Erwin, why did you get _lights_? Just when I thought this projectile pink vomit could not get any worse, you managed it.”

Erwin released another hearty laugh.

“I find it festive,” Erwin commented good-naturedly.

“Why are we friends again?” Levi retorted.

“Because I refused to leave you alone,” Erwin answered automatically.          

Levi just shook his head, and I couldn’t help but smile at their exchange. Something about their interaction was reminiscent of my relationship with Armin. Despite my wariness of Erwin, I was glad Levi had that in his life. Before we started dating he’d seemed almost painfully isolated. I was happy to have been mistaken.

The cool comfort of Levi’s hand wrapped around my forearm, gripping lightly to steer me past Erwin. “If I had known shitting pink for a week would be in my future back then I wouldn’t have let you hang around.”

“Don’t let him fool you, Eren. He’s much less anti-social than he pretends to be.” He winked at me. I tried to pretend like I didn’t see that as Levi led me through the forest of ribbons and dangling hearts toward the people who were gathered in a circular room next to the kitchen.

“Levi!” Flailing arms pulled my eyes to Hanji, who was grinning from ear to ear at the sight of us. “I’m so glad you both made it!”

I glanced to Levi, and found myself looking straight into the pale blue of his irises. They were touched with a hint of fondness, but the look vanished as soon as they flicked back over to Hanji.

“Barely,” Levi commented. I cringed a little, but Levi gave my arm a light squeeze that I assumed was intended as a reassurance.

“You two look cozy,” Hanji crooned, waving her finger at where Levi had a hold on my arm.

Levi leveled Hanji with a challenging glare. “He _is_ my boyfriend,” he pointed out flatly.

My cheeks heated and Hanji’s grin widened.

“Fuck off,” Levi muttered, avoiding eye contact.

“I didn’t say anything,” she said through her Cheshire smile.

“Shit glasses,” Levi hissed under his breath, tightening his hold on my fingers a bit and whispering something in Hanji’s ear as he maneuvered us past her shoulder. I gave her an embarrassed smile as I was dragged along and she slapped me on the back, causing me to pitch forward into Levi. He halted and steadied me with his free hand, while a familiar voice exasperatedly pleaded, “Please try to restrain yourself, Honey.”

“Whoops, sorry, Eren!” Hanji laughed and I could not help but chuckle a little, too.

“Don’t laugh, you will only encourage her.” Levi chided at a volume that ensured Hanji heard him, which caused her to let out another cackle.

“I have to agree with that,” Moblit sighed, coming up on the other side of Levi, holding a glass of what appeared to be rosé wine. He drank it like water.

“Don’t we all,” a deeper voice from the back of the room spoke up.

“Mike, not you, too!” Hanji cried overdramatically.

I twisted around and found that Mike was, indeed, comfortably reclining on the sofa behind us, dwarfing a petite woman with pale features next to him. She shook her head as though she had witnessed this a thousand times and it wasn’t even worth commenting on.

Hanji noticed where my attention was being held and came over, Levi finally letting go of me to make room for her. “Rico, you haven’t met Eren, have you? Rico, this is Eren, Levi’s boyfriend. Eren, Rico, Mike’s wife. Mike and Eren have met at the bar,” she introduced and informed at a rapid-fire pace. “You would not _believe_ how long Levi has—”

“Dammit, Hanji!” Levi cursed, but, surprisingly, Moblit was the one who had cut her off by placing his wine glass against her lips, tipping what remained back, forcing her to drink. Hanji’s eyes glittered and she licked her lips after polishing off what  Moblit had given her.

“Thank you, Dear! I’ll be using the washroom now!” she chirped, pecking him on the cheek swiftly before making a beeline for what was, presumably, the bathroom.

Levi looked halfway to stalking after her and breaking down the door, but Erwin reappeared at that moment, platter of shrimp cocktails in hand, effectively blocking the way.

“Don’t even think about it, Levi.” Erwin was using that superior tone of voice that made me bristle. Levi’s eyes flicked to me as I tensed and I felt his hand at my back again.

“Think about what, Erwin?” he replied coolly, tilting his head.

They silently stared one another down, tension palpable.

Erwin broke first, dispelling the energy with a shake of his head.

Levi smirked.

“You are incorrigible.”

“And yet you still seem surprised,” Rico drawled from the couch.

Erwin huffed a little laugh at that.

“Touché,” Erwin conceded.

Levi’s eyes flashed with something pleased and a touch wild. The expression reminded me of something that I couldn’t name, but somehow seemed very… Levi.

“What are you looking at?”

My eyes widened as I realized I’d zoned out staring at Levi again, and I blurted out the first thing that crossed my mind. “You.”

Levi looked at me for a couple of seconds. “I guess that was a stupid question to ask someone as literal as you.”

A wash of heat flowed up my neck and over my ears. I felt his shoulders shake with silent laughter. “Shit, kid,” he murmured, probably not intending for his tone to send a shudder down my spine.

I was getting way too hot.

“I think I’m going to go get something to drink,” I offered in excuse as I hastily fled Levi’s side.

My escape was ruined by a few simple words.

“I could use something, too.”

I sighed and didn’t protest Levi following me into the Pink Nightmare. There was a selection of beverages arranged on a small table of polished wood that was stained a rich red-brown on the far side of the kitchen, with a frilly red and pink runner down the center of it. I noticed several wine bottles, as well as one of champagne, and contemplated my choices, thinking I wouldn’t mind a little alcohol to get me through the evening. I was already having a hard time focusing, though, distracted by the little confetti hot pink hearts shining in the light of of the hearts dangling overhead.

Erwin’s apparent genuine enjoyment of these decorations confused me.

I looked to Levi, who was busy pouring himself a flute of some pink-blush-rosé champagne stuff and leaned down to speak in his ear, “Are you sure Erwin is straight?”

Levi pulled away by a fraction and side-eyed me. “Did I ever say he was straight?”

My face scrunched together as I dug through the archives of my memory. Now that he mentioned it, I could not remember him saying definitively what Erwin preferred. All I knew was that he was not married. _Maybe Armin said something?_ I came up blank on that account, too.

“No,” I finally concluded.

“But he is.”

“What?”

“Straight.”

“He’s straight?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty damn sure, yeah,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Who said every gay man decorates in shit loads of pink, anyway?” he challenged.

I tried to imagine Levi standing proudly underneath similar decorations in his own house and immediately bit my lips in an attempt to stifle the laughter that tried to burst forth.

“Okay, yeah,” I allowed, snorting a little. “There’s no way you’d ever do that. I guess I wouldn’t either, but this is just…” I waved my hands helplessly, not having the words to appropriately convey what was running through my mind. Then I caught on a thought; or more accurately, a question. “Wait. But you’re—Are you you—What are you?”

Levi considered me with painful neutrality. “Want to try again?” he questioned with an edge of sarcasm.

“I, uh…” was so fucking embarrassed, “I don’t actually know how you… identify.”

His eyebrows flew up, but a half a second later realization seemed to dawn on him and his expression turned contemplative. “Can’t say I have given it a name, actually.”

It was my turn to raise my eyebrows. “How can you have never thought about it?”

He shrugged one shoulder. “It is not like I never wrestled with the fact I did not fit into the cultural ‘norm,’ but whatever attracts me, attracts me. I never felt like I needed to label it. I guess I’m pretty gay right now, though.” His eyes were alight with warmth as he took me in. Either that or it was a trick of the pink lighting. Hard to say.

I cast my eyes to the side, regardless, and scratched at the back of my head nervously, but a little smile played across my lips. “You’ve dated on both ends of the spectrum, though, right?”

“Yeah,” he affirmed. “Gender, sex… whatever. None of it matters. It is the person.”

I let those words sink in, eyes drifting across the floor absently as they replayed over and over in my head, a bright warmth flaring in my chest. I twitched at a light touch to my cheek, instinctively bring my gaze back up.

Levi was close.

Close enough that I forgot to breathe.

Unguarded blue eyes were mapping my face. My gut had come alive, squirming at twisting as the implication of his words took full root. I was completely lost in the intensity of his gaze. I didn’t even realize I had been leaning in until our noses bumped. I jolted back a bit, but Levi retained our proximity, snaking an arm around my waist and keeping me close. I started to feel self-conscious, being studied so closely, and scrounged for something to say.

“Wh-What were we talking about in the first place again?”

“Erwin’s gay decorations.”

My mind trailed over the path our conversation had taken back to that discussion. “Oh, right.”

He shook his head fondly, turning to the side to take in the abundance of pink hues flashing overhead. “Yeah. You are not the only one who has questioned,” he admitted. He sounded almost mystified.

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

We both kept staring, in a kind of trance.

“Are you two okay?”

Levi and I turned toward each other simultaneously to view the newcomer, which happened to be Rico.

I was going to respond, but Hanji flung her torso around a doorway I didn’t even know existed to the left of us, making me emit a yelp instead of words. Levi let go of me to allow us to turn around, but quickly re-anchored me to him with his other arm. If I didn’t know better, I would have called the gesture protective.

“Don’t worry about them!” Hanji exclaimed. “They’re just experiencing what I have coined ‘décor-coma’. It is a common experience for those attending events in Erwin’s home, as you know from firsthand exposure. I have had the chance to study this phenomenon extensively over the years, would you like to see my data?” Hanji rattled off the information like she’d been waiting to say that the entire time she’d been here.

Maybe she had.

“No,” Rico said. She turned and walked out of the room.

Hanji’s big, brown, eyes locked onto me. She looked so hopeful.

_Oh no._

Levi’s arm tightened around me.

_Are those tears?_

I bit my lip, struggling.

I couldn’t be responsible for putting the light in her eyes out.

“Y-Yes?”

Levi groaned, and a second later, stepped out of the way just in time for Hanji to tackle me in a hug, very nearly knocking me into the table full of liquid. “No one has ever agreed before! Come here.” She took one of my hands and began dragging me along. “I knew I liked you for a reason. I left my printouts in my briefcase!” I looked back to Levi for help or guidance, but he was just standing there, arms crossed, shaking his head at me.

I was screwed.

Hanji led me across the living room and into the office we had placed our coats in. She pulled out a desk chair and straddled it, resting her chin on the back of it and gesturing for me to take a seat on the only other chair in the room.

It took several seconds of intense staring before I realized something was off. Hanji wasn’t pulling out any documents.

I rubbed the back of my head. “Um…” I started feeling overwhelmingly awkward and unsure of what to say. After grappling with my thoughts, I finally just spit out the first question on my mind. “Why are you just staring at me?”

“I’m observing you, of course!” Hanji chirped with enthusiastic bluntness.

Unease settled over me like a blanket as I watched her watch me.

“Do I want to know why?”

“I don’t know, Eren. Do you?” she fired back, her eyes gleaming with something that put me on-edge all the more.

“Is this… is it about Levi and me?” I guessed.

Her smile grew. “I knew you were sharp. Levi wouldn’t pursue someone who couldn’t keep up with him. Though I don’t think he realizes that,” she added as an afterthought, her head tipping to the side. She regarded me again, her gaze disturbingly analytic; a little hungry. She sighed and leaned backwards, letting her hands grip the back of her chair to keep her semi-upright. “I’m making you uncomfortable,” she observed. “I’m sorry, Eren. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I’ve just had something I’ve been meaning to ask. While I’d love to show you my research, Erwin has banned it from his house. Levi doesn’t know that, either,” she answered my unasked question. “I just want to talk to you a little bit.” My stomach flipped, nervous of where this was going. “Or, rather, ask you some questions. For example, how are things with Levi?”

I shifted in my seat, averting my eyes, trying to think. Should I just walk around and go back to Levi? I doubted Hanji would stop me if I tried. Hell, Levi would probably kill her if I told him about this. I wasn’t obligated to tell Hanji anything. And yet…

“They’re… good. I mean,” I fumbled for the right words, “I care about him… a lot. He’s… different. I mean,” I waved my hands frantically, afraid of being misunderstood, “dating him is different from what I’d thought it would be, but not in a bad way.” I took a deep, grounding, breath. “He’s… surprisingly sweet,” I mused, voice soft.

When I looked back at Hanji, her mouth was obscured by her interlaced fingers, making her expression hard to read.

“I’ve seen how you look at him,” she commented, giving absolutely no clues as to what she was thinking.

 _“I see the way he looks at you. And the way you look at him!”_ Jean’s angry voice intruded in my head. My breath caught, and another, softer memory flashed through.

_“…the way you look at him is… the way you used to look at me.”_

I swallowed reflexively as I suddenly noticed how dry my throat had become. I was really beginning to wish I had gotten that drink.

“Hanji,” my voice came out a touch raspy. “What is this really about?”

Hanji lowered her hands, revealing a surprisingly soft smile.

“I just wanted to confirm my suspicions.”

A controlled kind of anxiety rose in my gut, but I stood my ground and pressed forward.

“Your suspicions?” I timidly ventured.

She nodded, then paused, taking the time to really lock eyes with me. It felt like she was looking right through me.

“You love him, don’t you?”

I gaped at her.

I tried to speak.

I failed.

I felt like I was aflame.

“Don’t worry, Eren,” she soothed, unusually quiet and calm. “I won’t say anything to anyone else. I’ll even let you in on a secret.” She leaned forward in her chair again and motioned me to come closer. I numbly followed her instruction, still shocked from being called out on something I’d only just worked out for myself. “Levi, behind that iron wall he’s put up, is a lot more vulnerable than you’d think. I’ve seen assholes break his heart before, and so _fucking_ help me if I see it happen again,” she gritted out with an upsurge of rage that had me staggering back. She softened again. “You’re good for him, though, Eren. And, you wear your emotions on your sleeve. I like you.” She gave me an earnest smile, and then stood up, using her full height to look down on me. “But if you fuck up I hope you have a list of favorite hospitals in your wallet.”

She moved out of my personal space, but I remained frozen, now shocked in more ways than one. Distantly, I believed that I should probably be feeling something, like fear. Instead, I just felt overloaded.

“Eren?” Hanji waved a hand in front of my face. “Did I break you?” She sounded concerned now.

“Maybe,” I answered honestly.

“Damn. Levi will be pissed.”

I slowly straightened myself out, only to immediately slump against the desk next to me.

“Hey, Hanji?” I called to her gently, not daring to meet her eyes.

“Is it really that obvious?”

Armin had told me. Jean had told me. Now Hanji, who didn’t even know me, had said something. Was it obvious to everyone? To Levi?

I felt a little sick, but I didn’t know why.

“Eren, are you okay? You don’t look like you feel so good.” Hanji braced her hands on her knees and peered at my face.

“Please just answer me,” I breathed.

“If you’re asking if Levi knows, I can’t tell you. For as long as I’ve known him, even I can’t read his mind. Erwin probably knows, but he won’t say anything either. Who can really say?” She sighed, staring out into the distance. “If I could read minds I would be able to publish the most amazing papers.” She refocused herself on me. “Would it be so bad it it _was_ obvious?”

Her question took me off-guard, leaving my thoughts scrambling for traction.

“I—I don’t know,” I admitted. I had never felt like this before. I’d never been afraid of expressing exactly how I felt to anyone.

“Think about that,” Hanji suggested with a slight shrug. “Maybe the answer will help you sort things out.”

I contemplated her words carefully. She was probably right. I hated feeling so unsure of myself.

“Now!” She clapped her hands together, “What do you say we go join everyone else again?” She dropped her voice to a low timbre I could hardly hear. “If we don’t, Erwin is going to show up any minute.”

“Hanji!” As if summoned, Erwin’s voice penetrated the door, and a second later, it opened. Erwin looked as composed as ever, but his voice was stern as he spoke. “Hanji, what is the rule?”

Hanji held up her hands in a placating gesture. “No research was involved!” She maneuvered her fingers so that the middle three were straight and her thumb and pinkie curled in and met in the middle of her palm. “Scouts honor! You can even ask Eren.” She shot a devilish smile in my direction. I shrank a little as Erwin’s laser-like gaze landed on me, dubiously looking for confirmation.

What could I say? “She’s not lying.”

Erwin’s eyes searched mine carefully, looking for a trace of dishonesty, then repeated the process with Hanji, who just looked pleased with herself. Erwin was clearly no fool, but did Hanji the kindness of letting it slide. I was less lucky. “Hanji, why don’t you return to the party. I’d like a moment of your time, Eren, if you’d allow it,” I felt that was Erwin offering, not pressing, likely sensing my overwrought demeanor.

“I… guess so.” Honestly, I just wanted to leave at this point. I was starting to regret coming. I knew I thought Valentine’s Day was stupid for a reason.

I was broken from my musings with the click of the door shutting behind Hanji, leaving me alone with Erwin.

“Eren, you do not have to speak with me if you do not want to. I simply know Hanji can be overwhelming, and doesn’t have the greatest boundaries. I want to make sure you are okay, and she didn’t do anything untoward.”

 _Why is this man so fucking_ nice _?_

“No, it’s okay. Hanji didn’t do anything bad. It just kind of… I wasn’t expecting it, I guess. But everything’s fine. I kind of just want to go back to the party, if that’s okay.” It wasn’t entirely truthful, but as kind as he seemed, I wasn’t about to unload on Erwin.

“Of course,” Erwin responded immediately. “I know you don’t know me very well, Eren, but know that I care about the things that Levi cares about, and if I can ever be of service to you, I will do what I can.” He smiled good-naturedly as I approached the door, and he leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially, “Honestly, this is the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time, and I thank you for that.”

I looked up at him as he straightened, cheeks flaming. Erwin laughed. “You know it’s a shame Levi got to you first,” he remarked. My face grew hotter.

“Wh-What?” I stuttered out before I could think better of it.

“I’m only joking Eren.” Erwin’s expression was full of fond amusement as he turned the knob to finally free me, and I nearly ran from the room. Never had I been so eager to see Levi. His friends were nice, but I was starting to get the feeling that they were best seen separately, and in small doses. How on earth they all came to be so close with their wildly different personalities was a mystery. Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn Levi felt similarly about my group of friends. We were our own kind of bizarre.

When we got back to the main room, everyone was seated on the long davenport with Mike and Rico still sitting snugly together on the far end. The size difference between them was so great, it was hard to not stare, but my attention was quickly captured by my boyfriend, who was raising one thin eyebrow at me while he appraised the condition I was returning to him in. I sat down close to him in the corner seat, impulsively leaning to bury my head in his hair until I remembered we were in a room full of people, and rapidly abandoned the movement. I tried my hardest to not dwell on how strange it must have looked to anyone watching, which, with my luck, would be everyone.

Levi subtly shifted one of his hands onto my knee, letting it rest there lightly.

He tipped his mouth up to my ear. “Do I need to kill anyone?”

I shuddered a little at his close proximity to my neck and the cold undertone of the offer.  I shook my head slightly, and dipped my chin down to reply. “Your friends are really nice, just… unnerving.” I admitted, praying to any available power that doing so wouldn’t upset Levi.

He sighed knowingly. “Yeah. That is a decent way of putting it. Are you okay? Shit Glasses didn’t try anything weird—” he cut himself off, giving a thoughtful hum before rephrasing, “fucked up, did she?”

_You love him, don’t you?_

My stomach twisted, our nearness now seeming too much.

“No,” I whispered.

Levi’s steely-blue irises cut into me, letting me know exactly how clearly he saw that I was withholding something from him, but settled for a small nod and resituated himself back against the couch.

It was only after I allowed myself to relax a fraction that I realized we were not the only ones absorbed in conversation.

“No, this was happening _years_ before that! You just weren’t around yet,” Hanji was saying animatedly.

Erwin sighed heavily. “Wasn’t that where you two met?”

Rico and Mike gave each other a brief glance and faint smile before nodding in unison. _Wow. They are unexpectedly cute._

“You think that is cute, you should see them when it is just the two of them. It’s enough to give you the runs for a week,” Levi responded to my spoken thought.

I tried to disguise my snort as a cough. Levi aided my act by slapping me on the back a couple of times, he just used a little too much force, and I choked on my own spit, making me cough for real. I side-eyed him from where I curled over to hack. Maybe that was his goal.  

“Do you have something to say, Levi?” Rico asked flatly from two cushions down.

“Sorry?”

She eyed where Levi’s hand rested on my leg pointedly, clearly not fooled. Her silent statement was clear. Levi scoffed, but didn’t retreat from the contact like I had expected.

“You two meeting was probably the only good thing that happened that day,” Erwin breathed out, ignoring Levi and Rico’s confrontation.

I was totally lost.

I turned to Levi for answers, only to find him having gone as still as stone.

Erwin’s sharp eyes noticed and caught my gaze briefly before standing up. “Is anyone interested in some desserts? I have a raspberry chocolate tart, chocolate covered strawberries, cherry gelatin parfaits, and a variety of Belgian chocolates. All homemade except for the chocolates, of course.” Erwin winked at me for the second time that evening. I straightened uncomfortably in my seat. I never knew what I was supposed to do when people winked at me. Wink back? Nod? I usually went with smile awkwardly and then pretend it never happened. Without thinking, I found myself looking to Levi. What I thought he was going to do for me, I did not know, but he had experience with Erwin. He was older. Maybe he knew what to do with winking.

But Levi was completely ignoring Erwin.

He was looking at me, the stiffness from a moment ago nowhere to be seen.

I felt fingers drift along my spine, affectionate and a little sensual.

My heartbeat picked up a little.

_What was I thinking about Erwin?_

“If you want something, that is fine, but do not fill up on sweets. I need you to be hungry later,” Levi ordered.

I raised my eyebrows at his words, warmth gathering in my chest. “You planned something?” I tried to keep the hopeful excitement out of my voice. Valentine’s Day might be stupid, but Levi putting effort into a date was not.

“Just be patient and enjoy the party,” he grumbled.

A shit-eating grin split my face.

“You did!” I exclaimed quietly. “What is it?”

“Did you hear what I just said at all?”

“Shut up and enjoy the party,” I chirped.

“Close enough. Actually, I like yours better.” Levi nudged me, with appropriate force this time, and I glanced around the room quickly to make sure no one was looking before I dropped a quick kiss on his cheek. Levi flinched and looked a little taken aback, but not unhappy. A moment later, he wrapped the arm that had been teasing my spine around me, and we settled on the couch more closely than before.

“Eren?” I automatically turned to Erwin at the sound of my name. “Would you like anything?”

“No thank you.” I snuck a glance and Levi, and couldn’t have contained my smile even if I tried. “Not right now.”

If the look Erwin was giving me was anything to go by, he was definitely in on whatever plans Levi had made.

~ ~ ~

The next hour went quickly. Everyone settled in with desserts and wine, chatting amicably about work and life. Much of the conversation centered around learning more about me, but I found I really didn’t mind. Moblit didn’t let Hanji ask anything terribly strange and everything else was stuff that was easy to answer, like how long I’d known Levi and what I did for a living. Levi also surprised me with how much information he was willing to volunteer about how our relationship got started. It was strange to see how much more relaxed and open he was, but I supposed it was to be expected, since these were his closest friends.

By the time that Levi told me we needed to get going to stay on schedule, I was actually disappointed. Despite the rocky start to the evening, I was enjoying myself with his friends. Mike and Rico quickly became two of my favorite people. They were both fairly quiet, but they both had an unparalleled sense of comedic timing. They shared the same brand of dry humor that Levi liked to use, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Nice to meet you, Eren.” Rico offered politely, now standing at Mike’s side as everyone came to say their goodbyes.

“We’ll have to plan more get-togethers!” Hanji piped up.

Erwin nodded, smiling broadly. “It was good to get to know you a bit more, Eren.”

“This was nice,” Mike agreed.

I smiled bashfully and laughed, but it came out a bit too forced and flat to fool anyone into thinking I wasn’t discomforted by the attention.

Fortunately, Levi wasn’t up for lingering.

“Okay, enough gawking. We have a schedule to keep,” Levi prompted with an edge of impatience. I guessed there was a reason he was such a successful manager.

Erwin caught my eye and the corners of my lips raised spontaneously as Erwin shook his head fondly. An uninvited gratefulness filled me, drowning the threads of pointless jealousy that still snaked through my thoughts despite Erwin being nothing but a perfect gentleman in my presence, if a hair patronizing at times and a bit strange. Perhaps that was what really got under my skin. He was a little _too_ nice.

Levi’s hand at my elbow brought me back to the present. “Enjoy the pink shit and don’t get too pissed,” he offered to the group as I shrugged back into my jacket and Erwin opened the door.

“Merry Christmas!” Hanji returned.

Puzzled, I looked at Levi, only to find him grimacing.

“Am I missing something?” I looked between my partner and his friend. Hanji grinned wolfishly, but said nothing.

“ _Goodbye_ ,” Levi grit out pointedly before urgently ushering me through the door.

“I’m missing something,” I decided after the door shut behind us with a final few waves and farewell calls.

Levi resolutely ignored me and instead briskly walked back to the car. I decided to let it go for the moment, and thanked him when he opened my door for me.

As I settled myself in the seat and grabbed for my seatbelt, something occurred to me.

“Hey.” Levi glanced over at me as he clicked his own seatbelt into place and moved to start the car, letting me know he was listening. “Speaking of missing things… What was everyone talking about earlier with Mike and Rico?" Levi's face darkened unmistakably, but that didn't stop me from pressing on. "Erwin said something about them meeting being the only good thing that happened that day? What were they talking about?"

Levi put the car in reverse, nudging it back to give us enough room to safely clear the car in front of us, and pulled out onto the road. He was silent for long seconds, getting back to a main street before replying.

"Erwin's wedding."

Maybe I had misheard that.

"What?"

"They were talking about Erwin's wedding," he reiterated agitatedly.

"But I thought you said—"

"That he does not have anyone? Yeah. He doesn't."

"No, actually. I was going to say you told me it wasn't much of a story."

Levi's jaw worked for a couple of seconds, the engine giving a quiet hum as Levi increased his speed.

"I did not lie."

"I didn't say you did," I offered in the most soothing voice I could manage.

He shook his head a little and sighed.

"Look, Eren." He spared me a fleeting look from his focus on the road. "I feel like shit about that day. Erwin does not hold it against me, but I am pretty damn angry with myself. I can tell you about it if you really want me to, but it is more of Erwin's story than mine to begin with, and if you are going to insist I be the one to tell you, can you wait to ask me about it on another night? I would like to enjoy this one. But thinking about that day makes me feel like cold shit."

I looked at Levi for a long while after he finished speaking. For as calm as he remained while talking, I could tell in the subtle way his breath was coming faster that he was worked up.

_Of course. Leave it to me to ruin our date before it's even gotten started._

"Sorry," I said quietly.

Levi shook his head, forcing some of the rigidity from his shoulders. "No. Do not apologize for being curious. It is not your fault I have a complex about it either. I just do not enjoy recounting my failures."

The statement only served to pique my interest further, but I didn’t want to risk spoiling the mood more than I already had.

“So do I get to know where we’re going?”

A slow smirk crawled across Levi’s face. If he weren’t driving, I would be tempted to kiss it from his lips. "You will see soon enough."

"Did Erwin help you with it?"

Levi's smile dimmed, but wasn't erased entirely. "A little," he admitted. "It was my idea. He just helped me work out some of the details."

I gave a contemplative hum.

We drove on, a comfortable quietness settling between us. I looked out the windows, trying to guess where we were going. He was headed out of Trost, but beyond that, I had no idea where he might be taking me. Instead I occupied myself with admiring the sky as the fading light painted it in pastels. A few wispy clouds in the distance made it quite a romantic scene.

"Open up the glove box."

I twisted to look at Levi, raising a brow at the order.

"Just do it, brat," he chided lightly.

I smiled rakishly and did as I was told. A spell of black cloth tumbled into my hands from the tight compartment, and I scrambled to get a grip on it.

When I finally got a good handle, and a good look at it, I appraised my partner carefully, wondering if this could possibly be what I thought it was.

Levi was looking rather wolfish, and it made my stomach sink down towards my groin.

"Put it on," he commanded.

_Oh, fuck._

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and attempted to make my fingers comply, though they did not seem to want to obey me anymore. The fabric was soft as I wrapped it around my head, and it very efficiently blocked out light.

I tried to tie it in a knot, but found strands of hair getting caught up with it. Despite my intention to cut it, I just had not found the time yet. It had gotten longer than I had allowed it to since college. I tugged on the strands until they slipped free from the fabric, then tried knotting the blindfold again with success.

"Now what?" I asked, voice coming out a tad raspy, when I finished.

"Now you wait." I could hear the amused pleasure in Levi's timbre.

"How long?"

"However long it takes."

" _Levi_ ," I whined.

A low, and lightly sinister, chuckle filled the space. I squirmed in my seat.

“Patience, brat.” His tone was colored by affection, its warmth spreading through my bones.

Cold fingertips brushed over the back of my hand a few moments later, tracing my skin and dipping around to caress my palm before snuggly working their way between my digits.

I placed my other hand over his, rubbing lightly to warm it.

I leaned my head back against the seat, allowing myself to appreciate the peacefulness of being alone with Levi. Unlike in times past, there was no pressure to speak or unease in our proximity. It was just the two of us, cozy in the heated interior of Levi’s car, close and contented.

What was once unthinkable was now a reality I was rapidly losing the ability to imagine myself without.

That thought was frightening.

But it was not one I would dwell on, least of all right now.

I squeezed Levi’s hand, felt his fingers nudge me in return. I felt I could spend the rest of the evening just like this, and would be perfectly satisfied.

“We are here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you happen to find an extra typo of mine, please point it out to me!!
> 
> If you dare find me on tumblr: [ resmiranda13. ](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I track STTOFTB if you want to follow updates and/or tag something related to the fic. I also track resmiranda13 if you want me to see something.
> 
> See you all next chapter!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren and Levi celebrate Valentine's Day and surprises are everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, TWO MONTHS LATER. Sheesh. I'm sorry. I did not expect break to be as busy as it was! But I've been working on this at least a little every day and my plan is to wrap this up in the first half of the year! Crazy. Has anyone been here since 2013? I started this thing in 2013. That scares me, haha.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for the continued support of this fic in all the ways you do! Whether it's a comment, or a hit, I'm just really thankful that people are expressing interest and enjoyment, even after all this time. It really means a lot to me.
> 
> This chapter is very poorly beta'd by me! So if you find a typo, PLEASE inform me so I can stop embarrassing myself. Pre-beta is pretty darn awful, and sometimes far more remnants than I want to admit to get left behind. After I sleep I might go over it again, but I figured you all have been super patient, so maybe you can over look my errors this once in exchange for me posting it sooner...? XD
> 
> ...Enjoy?

I automatically reached up to strip myself of the blindfold, only to have my hand batted back down.

“Not yet.”

I let out a dry bark of insincere laughter. “I will fall flat on my face.”

“I will guide you,” he returned simply. I did not find it as reassuring as he seemed to think it would be.

I fumbled to unlatch my seatbelt as Levi smoothly undid his and exited the car. A moment later, he was opening my side of the car for me and taking my hand in his to help lead me from it. A second hand quickly pressed to the top of my head as I, unthinkingly, rose, exerting pressure to keep my head low enough to clear the frame of the door.

“See?” Levi pulled me close with one arm and shuffled me to the side so he could close the door. “I have you.”

My lips twitched upwards. Levi began to pull me into a slow walk, clearly guiding me around the hood. “Watch your step,” he cautioned, slowing me down before what I could only assume was the curb.

Despite my misgivings, Levi did manage to successfully navigate me off the street and into a building, where he herded me into an elevator. Naturally, this reminded me of the last time we were in an elevator together, as we were leaving the Gala. Back when I wasn’t convinced he liked me, but had completely inappropriate thoughts about what we might do in an elevator.

I really needed to stop contemplating such things. Especially while in such close proximity to Levi. It wasn’t doing me any favors.

Fortunately, the elevator chimed our arrival just a second later, and as soon as I heard the doors open, I was assaulted by the most amazing scents of cooking food. My mouth began to water and my stomach growled in agreement.

I eagerly moved into the room, trusting Levi to keep me from running into anything. Surprisingly, once we turned right out of the elevator, we didn’t so much as swerve until he slowed me to a halt, letting go of me for a moment before placing his hands on my shoulders, and slowly sliding them up to the knot securing the blindfold at the back of my head. With a couple quick tugs, the blindfold loosened, then dropped. My eyes fluttered open, and my breath caught.

Ever since Levi informed me that he had something planned, I had been trying to think of what it could be. ‘Romantic dinner’ had, of course, crossed my mind—and been immediately dismissed. As considerate as Levi could be, candlelit tables and fourteenth floor views of downtown Sina glittering in the reflection of waters darkened by twilight was not something I expected of him.

But that was precisely what was in front of me.

Levi moved into my field of vision, arms crossed over his chest. He studied me, but held his mask firmly in place.

“What do you think?” His voice was too flat to be natural, his muscles rigid. A tingle shot through my chest.

_He’s nervous._

I took in the softly flickering candles and their dulled reflection in the windowpane overlooking the spectacular view. But, like the gravitational pull of a star, my gaze was pulled back to the man in front of it all, framed in dying light.

“You’re perfect.”

Levi twitched. I stilled, replaying what I had just said.

That had not come out right.

Or rather, it _had_ , and I couldn’t bear to correct it. To try and convince this remarkable man that I thought any less of him just felt _wrong._

Levi cleared his throat. It was hard to tell with the backlighting, but his cheeks looked like they might have a hint of color to them.

“Would you like to sit down?” It felt as though a chunk of ice had appeared in my stomach. Levi didn’t meet my eyes as he turned to the table, but as soon as his hands touched one of the chairs, he jolted like it had shocked him. “Wait. No. Fuck.” His hands flexed on the back of the chair. I’d never seen him quite like this before, and it only furthered my bewilderment. His eyes darted in my direction. He sighed, turning to face me once more. “You… I wasn’t expecting that. What you said.” He cleared his throat again. “I wasn’t supposed to ask you to sit down yet.”

His words had the polar ice cap in my stomach slowly melting, but I still had no idea what was going on. “You weren’t?”

“No. We are not eating just yet.”

“We’re not?”

“No.”

I tilted my head in question as Levi approached me once more. He curled his hand around mine and pulled me towards the wide open middle of the room. I appraised the side of his face that I could see warily.

He brought us to a stop in the center of the room, and I took a moment to really take in our surroundings. For the most part, we were in a wide open space of red wooden floors and carved wooden pillars, everything shining as though freshly lacquered. Bay windows were in almost every direction I could turn, except in the corner opposite the elevator where stone walls were raised. Since the mouth-watering smells were coming from that direction, I could only assume it was concealing a kitchen.

“Look up.” I was a tad startled by Levi’s introjection, having momentarily forgotten he was there, but did as prompted.

I gasped.

I tilted my head back to take in as much of the vaulted ceiling as I could, drinking in the inky blue-black and the thousand pinpricks of painstakingly arranged lights mimicking the night sky. I tipped my chin back down to look out the windows again. If I couldn’t clearly see the still-fading light, I would have been tricked into thinking the ceiling was the real thing.

I turned my attention back to my partner, gaping.

I felt a little breathless. “Where are we?”

A hint of a smile played at the edges of Levi’s mouth. “Erwin used to live here. He still owns the building.” he explained with a shrug of his shoulder. “He wants to expand Survey here, eventually, but for now he rents the lower floors out to other businesses. He keeps this floor mostly untouched. I think he still has some romantic notion of charming some kid with it one day.” Levi’s eyes glittered in the darkening room, the stars overhead seeming brighter.

My mind was whirling, but I couldn’t resist the chance he was giving me. “Oh, so he thought he’d have you test it out for him first?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Is it working?” he parried.

I gave him my best secretive smile. “I’ll let you know.”

Levi took a step closer, leaving scarce space between our chests. He tilted his head back a little to look up at me, but managed to do so without losing an ounce of dignity.

I was so full of shit.

It was completely obvious I was under his spell.

His stoic, crass, tactless, spell.

The gentle plucking strum of a guitar drifted through the room, and I turned my head, seeking its source. There had to be speakers hidden somewhere. There was no one else in this room but the two of us.

Levi lifted his arms stiffly. “Dance with me?”

I just gawked at him.

He didn’t look away.

 _He_ dances _?_

“Yes, brat, I dance. Not often.”

“I don’t. Dance,” I clarified. “I mean, I’m not good at it.”

“Do not worry, I will do most of the work. Just try to move in the direction I move you.”

I let my dubiousness show full force, but Levi didn’t appear phased at all—just kept his arms open to me. I somewhat regretfully placed my hands on his shoulders. He immediately shrugged one of them off and held that hand in his.

I studied our clasp hands, brow furrowing. “You have to hold hands for this?”

Levi instantly got where I was going.

“Gloves,” he replied.

I pictured Levi in a crisp suit and white gloves. Something about the image was both fitting and preposterous. Perhaps because how he grew up and where he was now were worlds apart.

The music swelled with wordless sound, ebbing and flowing like waves.

Levi tensed the muscles in his arms, holding me firmly, but gently. Securely.

“Step to the right,” Levi instructed just before nudging me, slowly, in that direction. “Now take two small steps.” He demonstrated, and I wanted to follow but just ended up watching him instead. “Then step to the left,” he moved us once more, “and two more small steps. That’s all you have to do. Back and forth.”

“Okay,” I hesitantly replied, looking at my feet.

The hand on my waist released me and tipped my chin up. “Eyes up, Eren. If you cannot manage the quick steps, just stand still during that part. The song is slow.”

Then we were moving again, and although I stumbled through the first few steps, I found Levi was right. He moved us at a creeping tempo that matched the song, which had retreated to the soft strumming it had started with.

“I’m going to start moving us in a moment,” Levi warned a beat before the music crested into the rolling chorus and his steady arms carried me just a few degrees off the horizontal line of wood we had been moving back and forth on. I locked my gaze onto his face, and the tenderness I found there was so staggering that I forgot to track my feet for a moment, losing the rhythm entirely. Levi’s lips curled up into a smile that only made my chest feel tighter. I could not hear the soft sound over the music, but I felt him chuckle.

_When did we get so close?_

Somehow my chest had come to be brushing his. The ache wrapping around my heart and spreading to my stomach felt something like I imagined dying would, yet there was something so pleasant about it I didn’t want it to stop. I recovered myself enough to keep moving, letting Levi steer me, and by the time the last few echoing notes faded I had forgotten the beautiful room around us entirely.

We stopped moving. I wiggled my fingers in between his. He looked at our interconnected hands oddly, as though his arm was not his own.

“What is it?” I asked, unthinkingly.

Levi turned his steady eyes on me. “Nothing. This is just…” He never finished, but as he traced the back of my hand with his thumb, I thought I understood. He couldn’t do this with just anyone. Some things were just as frighteningly new and wonderful to him as they were to me.

I gave his fingers a squeeze and smiled softly. I tilted my head down as close as I could without blurring my vision.

“Did you want to show me more?”

Levi’s facial muscles twitched, almost giving me the reaction I wanted.

I felt the silken brush of lips for only an instant, and then the warmth of Levi’s body was gone from me entirely. The space he left felt strangely vacant to me, as though I had lost a part of myself.

I shook my head. Something about the atmosphere in this place was toying with my head. I could hardly market myself as a non-romantic, but even I had limits; and if it was getting too sappy for me, I could only imagine how Levi was feeling…

Levi was staring out the windows next to the table, looking stiff. Something about it melted my heart. I could almost laugh at the level of ‘fucked’ I had achieved.

“That was all I had planned before dinner,” he stated, not meeting my eyes. I only paused a second before reaching out to clasp my hand over his shoulder, squeezing it.

“I…” I had no idea what I intended to say, and the fear of saying the wrong thing knotted my intestines so tightly that I didn’t want to even think about what may come out of my mouth, unfiltered. I quickly thought of something safe to offer instead. “I… am starving.” It wasn’t entirely untrue.

I felt Levi’s shoulder relax under my hand. “I am glad you held back. It should be ready by now.” He walked across the room to the lone table with me a half-step behind, and pulled out a chair, clearly expecting me to sit in it. I couldn’t stop the grin that spread over my face.

_So, so fucked._

I took the opportunity to take in the view as Levi settled himself in his seat. We weren’t in the tallest building, but this close to the water, it was perfect. Figures walking along the waterfront were clear enough that I could make out what they were wearing, but not much else. Lights from other buildings danced across the rippling waves of the river like miniature suns. Or maybe an acid trip.

_He did this for me._

The feeling that came over me looking out at it all felt too big to contain. It ached and warmed me all at once.

Levi’s voice, low and soft, pulled me from my thoughts. “I feel pretty fucking sappy right now, so I hope you are enjoying it while it lasts.”

A bark of laughter escaped me before I could corral it. A slow grin spread across my lips as I studied his features carefully. His guard seemed to be all the way up again. It dropped disappointment into the sweet mix of emotions I was experiencing. Though he had opened himself for a moment while we were dancing, he was putting up a little more of a front tonight. I knew why, though.

A few months ago I never would have believed Levi knew what the word ‘anxious’ meant, but now I found reading him almost easy. His tell was in how much he _didn’t_ give away. The more uncertain he felt, the more he clammed up. The emergence of his muted persona had initially seemed sweet, but now it was spoiling my mood a little bit. How long before we got past this? Till he really trusted me enough to take the mask off and leave it off?

I wasn’t going to let the small part of me asking those questions ruin this evening, however.

“I love it,” I told him truthfully. “I’ve always loved water views. How much did Erwin pay for this?”

“The building, or this floor?” he asked.

I raised both eyebrows. “You know that specifically?”

“I do not know either, actually.”

I pulled a hand up from the table to cover my snort. “Then why clarify?”

“Fuck if I know,” he grumbled.

I smiled fondly at him.

“He does occasionally rent this floor, though. And I know it is literally a million-dollar view. You would be surprised what people will pay to look at some water.”

“It is pretty nice water,” I offered, as gravely serious as I could manage.

Levi gave me a flat look and I was only able to hold my face in check for a couple of seconds before it cracked into a grin and I laughed happily. Levi’s eyes warmed and I continued to grin. In that one interaction, the lingering irritation and nervousness drained away. This was just Levi. A little awkward, but easy to be around. At least, that’s how I thought of him now. It hadn’t been like that in the beginning. More and more, however, I found myself forgetting that beginning. It was worlds away from the relationship we had now, sitting across from one another on Valentine’s Day. Our relationship was radically different from the one we had even a couple of months ago. Instead of scoffing and making demands, Levi was actually trying to _romance_ me. The notion was like a bolt of electricity skittering up the center of my ribcage. The thought that he wanted this—wanted _me_ wasn’t getting old. Two months in, and it still felt like this.

I wouldn’t mind if the feeling never went away.

An arm appeared in front of me, and I yelped, jerking in my seat. I glimpsed the waiter giving me a small smile as I quickly averted my eyes and tried to hide my burning face by staring out the window. When I recovered enough dignity to glance up, I was surprised to find that Levi wasn’t giving me some kind of amused or exasperated look, but was nodding his thanks to the waiter as he set his plate down. As the waiter walked away, Levi reached for his glass of wine. I looked down in surprise, finding my own glass of red wine on the table.

_When the fuck did these get here?_

I stared, puzzled. I hadn’t looked away that long. It was like magic. Was it always there?

“I have not poisoned it,” Levi informed me dryly, squeezing hand sanitizer into his palm.

I raised my eyes from the liquid, now noticing in the diminished light that the table was lit with candles. My stomach squirmed yet again. “No. It’s not that. It just… appeared.” It sounded far lamer aloud. Levi chuckled, his timbre the low dark one that I always felt a few inches too far south. I breathed in slowly, focusing as hard as I could on staying in the present, and was immediately retaken by the incredible scents rising from the plate in front of me. I turned my attention to it, examining.

I almost laughed.

“A cheeseburger?” A hint of my delight colored the words.

“You like them, right?”

“Might be my favorite food,” I agreed. “This just smelled so much fancier than a cheeseburger and waffle fries.”

“You might have been smelling mine.”

I raised myself a couple of inches to see over the candles and wine glasses to Levi’s plate.

“Is that a fish?”

Atop a bed of I-didn’t-even-know-what, Levi had a fucking fish, skin and all on his plate.

“I’m not going to answer that.”

Not that he had to, but, “Why?”

“Why did I choose fish?”

“Why is there an _entire_ fish?” I had seen whole fish before, of course. Armin used to go fishing with his grandfather all the time, but I had never understood cooking a whole fish.

Levi looked at me quizzically. “Okay, pay attention, brat. Cooking 101: meat cooked in its skin stays moister and has fuller flavor. Anyone preparing fillets of fish has clearly never eaten one cooked whole.” He thought for a moment. “I suppose it is not necessary to serve it in its skin, but I don’t mind it. You have not gotten out much, have you?”

A bit a heat came back to my face. “Only Germany a couple times to visit Dad. I want to travel; I just have been more focused on saving money right now.” I flinched at the edge of defensiveness in my tone.

“Maybe you can come with me on my next business trip.” Levi made the offer lightly, like it was nothing, but my heart was picking up speed fast at the thought of traveling with him.

“You wouldn’t mind? I mean, I wouldn’t get in the way? What do you even travel outside the country for?”

“Slow down, Eren. And eat.” He picked up his forked and nodded at my plate.

The reminder had my hunger return with renewed force.

“Right.” A self-conscious chuckle trickled out as I turned my attention to my burger. “Why do you travel for work?”

Levi carefully chewed and swallowed a bit of food before responding. “Erwin has a very hands-on approach to business. We have sister companies in other countries that translate and print our books locally. He will not let all that happen purely through email and video conferences. Every so often he sees the need to do business in person, and I go out on those assignments occasionally. I did it a lot more in the early days because Erwin trusts my ability to read people and situations. Now it is pretty rare, but I am sure he would arrange something if I asked for it.” His lips quirked deviously.

“You’d do that?” I didn’t exactly mean to ask, but I was still so staggered the question slipped out before I could think twice.

“Of course, brat.” There was a tenderness in his gaze that had my stomach taking another tumble.

He wasn’t looking away.

I swallowed and tried to locate my wine glass, unable to hold the intimacy of it any longer. I took a larger swallow than I had intended and choked a little, which I promptly tried to cover my shoving my burger in my face.

I moaned.

Not the little one I did at lunch with Isabel and Farlan, but full on he-might-be-coming _moaned._

I heard silverware clatter but was too busy being _completely_ mortified to look up.

Long seconds dragged by before Levi’s voice drifted over to me, quiet and unexpectedly raspy.

“Fuck, Eren.”

_Kill me._

I put my food down so I could use my hands to cover my face instead.

“Eren,” Levi called, still hoarse, but improving. “Eren,” he increased the intensity a notch when I refused to respond. “Come on, you shit. Farlan probably jizzed himself, too, hearing that noise.”

 _That_ got my attention.

“ _Farlan_ made this?” I cried, incredulous.

“You bet your ass I did!” a strangled-sounding voice projected from the kitchen nook.

“Shut the fuck up, Farlan!” Levi hollered back.

I snorted, a wash of hysteria getting the better of me for a moment.

“ _Shit_ ,” I gasped, half laughing. I had to swipe away tears that spontaneously sprang to my eyes.

“This was… really not how I imagined this going,” Levi sighed. I immediately sobered. He looked… discouraged?

“But isn’t it perfect?” I smiled at him gently as he fixed his cloudy cobalt eyes on me.

Levi huffed and turned to focus on the water. “I guess I should not have expected much else with an impulsive brat like you.

“Hey!”

The vague amusement on his feature transformed into a full smile. He picked up his utensils again and returned to his meal, prompting me to do the same.

I managed to keep my noises of pleasure—mostly—to myself this time.

We were both almost finished by the time I had enough confidence to attempt conversation again.

 “How did you know cheeseburgers were my favorite?”

Levi studied me from over his wine glass, rolling the stem between the tips of his fingers.

“I have my sources.” I shook my head. Levi had two primary methods of communication—straightforward and blunt, or cryptic and blunt.

“It was Armin, wasn’t it?”

Levi’s eyebrows raised a fraction, attempting a look of innocence. “No, actually.”

I frowned, studying him. “Who then?” It couldn’t be—

“Mikasa.”

My eyes widened. Since when were they talking? How did they have each other’s numbers? “What?”

“She has all kinds of shit on you.” Levi smirked.

 _Fuck._ I struggled to discern if this development left me more on the side of happy, or the side of horrified. Levi and Mikasa being friends _had_ to mean trouble, and yet, them _not_ getting along was also bad news. I knew I didn’t want to tell Mikasa about Levi for a reason. It had to be this one.

I reached for my wine and drained the rest of the glass.

Levi kicked me lightly—and it was light, for once—under the table. “Easy, brat. I will not abuse my power.”

I put every bit of my skepticism into the leer I threw his way.

It didn’t phase him.

“Feel like dessert?” he inquired flippantly.

I glared at him again, but wasn’t about to refuse dessert if it was anything like dinner. Plus, the proportions were perfect. I was satisfied without feeling like adding dessert would leave me unable to move. “Please.”

By some magic, the waiter from earlier appeared almost as soon as I closed my mouth. I turned to Levi in bewilderment, but his poker face was once again at 100% and not cracking. Excitement drew me up in my seat as I saw what it was. The man delivered his two small dishes of crème brûlée and quietly left us alone once more.

“This was Mikasa, too, wasn’t it?” My enthusiasm was dripping from the words.

“No, this was Armin,” Levi said flatly.

I nearly threw my hands up in defeat.

“This was actually one of the first things I learned about you, brat.” I raised one eyebrow in interest as I plucked up my spoon.

“It was one of the first few times I came over to your apartment, I think. Armin went down to get something to drink and was gone for ten minutes. When he came back, he apologized and said you had cornered him to talk about how you just saw some cooking show and your new raison d'être was to eat crème brûlée. Apparently you have never found it at the restaurants you go to, though.”

I nodded rapidly.

“Yeah! Even when they have it, ever single time they haven’t been able to make it for some reason. I’ve honestly wondered if someone sabotages my attempts to try this stuff. I was once told the restaurant ran out of sugar. What restaurant does not notice they are about to run out of sugar?”

Levi had nothing but a blank look to offer to that. “Sounds like bullshit.”

“It is!” I said vehemently.

“But you have some now.”

Right. I did. I laughed a little. I’d gotten so worked up I honestly forgot for a moment.

I repositioned my spoon and tapped at the caramelized sugar on top. It fractured into pieces that were perfectly sized for a bite. My mouth watered in anticipation. I brought a spoonful to my lips and…

 _Bliss_.

That was the word for this experience. The sweet and creamy blend on my tongue was better than what I’d dreamed this dessert to be.

“Good?” Levi’s voice broke through my haze.

“ _Mmm_ ,” I moaned lowly in response.

“Want mine?”

My eyebrows raised in surprise. How could someone not want this?

My face must have said everything.

“Not a fan of sugar, remember?”

Something clicked into place.

“You grew up on candy bars,” I shared my revelation.

“No shit.”

“That’s why you don’t like overly sweet things. I did not put that together before.”

“I see that.”

“Shut up and give me your brûlée, asshole.”

Levi’s eyes glittered in the flames as he handed it over.

“I am glad you could come,” he offered a minute later as I started in on his portion of dessert.

The words took me so off guard that I froze with my spoon halfway to my mouth.

My face fell as I remembered how I almost stood him up.

Levi shook his head slowly and ran a hand through his hair—a gesture I almost never saw him make. “I did not mean to make you feel shitty.”

“No—Well, I mean, I do feel shitty, but I don’t want you to feel shitty about me feeling shitty.” Vocabulary for the win.

Levi didn’t seem to notice, or in any case mind, my lack of eloquence, however. “I just meant… I enjoy this.” He raised his hand like he might push it through his hair again, but abandoned the motion. “You.”

I scraped at the edges of my dish. “What?”

Levi’s strong shoulders sagged a fraction. “I enjoy you.”

The words hit me like an arrow and twisted my insides into a thrilling-horrible-happy-nervous-aroused mess. _Well, fuck me_.

Levi had his eyes trained on his lap, focused on plucking up his napkin and folding it neatly on the table. Maybe he was feeling similarly.

After the napkin was aligned to his standards of perfection, he finally met my eyes again. “You ready for the next part?”

“There’s more?” My eyebrows shot up. Levi had done so much already, when he admittedly hated this holiday. What more could he have planned?

“Not much,” a soft smile appeared on his face. “But I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Looking into Levi’s eyes, wide in the dim light and flickering with candlelight, I felt so stupidly in love I could hardly believe it. I thought I’d never feel this way again after Jean; but here I was with another man, thinking I might be in deeper than I’d ever been with him.

He picked up his wine glass and stirred the contents without raising it to his lips.

“Thank you for… this, Levi. I’ve never really been a fan of Valentine’s Day, but I think part of that was just not having someone to really appreciate it with before.”

“Yeah, you should be grateful, Shitty Brat. It was not easy pulling all of this together.”

My heart sank again as I thought about how close I had come to blowing him off.

“Oi, quit looking like someone pissed in your Cheerios.” Levi chastised. “Get your tight ass up so we can check in.” I felt my face flush.

“Check in?” I parroted.

He couldn’t have…

~ ~ ~

…he could have.

“ _What the fuck_.”

Levi snorted a laugh at my reaction. I knew I must look like an overwhelmed kid.

“Do you like it? Or should I just take you back to my place?”

“No!” I practically screeched. Levi didn’t flinch, but he definitely did not appreciate the decibel increase. “Sorry. This is just… I’ve never been in a suite before.” I gestured to the lavish hotel room in front of us.

“You haven’t even seen the whole thing yet.” A hand at my back encouraged me to step forward. I stumbled out of my shoes, feeling like I shouldn’t defile the pristine space.

The main room was probably the size of my entire living room. There was a king-sized bed in the center of the wall to the right of the entrance, richly decorated in plush cream and chestnut pillows with a dark chocolate comforter. My first instinct was to throw myself on it, but I controlled myself and flowed Levi into a bathroom as large as my bedroom, but way better because the floor was _warm._ What.

“The floor is warm,” I voiced my observation.

“It is heated granite,” Levi informed.

“Can I sleep in here?” I paused after speaking. I didn’t think about that one enough.

“I suppose you can, but you will be sleeping alone,” Levi calmly retorted.

I took a couple of steps, finding fresh spots to suck the heat from. I pressed my feet as flat as I could to the floor, basking in this glorious invention.

“Try to not come just yet, Eren.”

I pitched forward, tripping on absolutely nothing.

Levi’s sharp laugh echoed on the walls. “Sorry, brat. Want to shower?”

“Together?” My stomach lurched. My groin stirred. My head was flooded by the picture of Levi, fresh out of the shower, stray trickles of water trapped in the ravines of his sculpted form. _Yes. Fuck, yes._

_But wait. What about soap? Even at a nice place I doubt Levi would want to use their stuff. He’s too picky. And what about clothes? I don’t have extra underwear or—_

“You really think I would plan this without thinking of that?”

All thoughts were wiped from my mind.

“I’m speaking out loud again.”

“I am getting used to it.”

I closed my eyes. “How embarrassed I am depends on what I say.”

“You say some stupid shit, but I still like the honesty.” I stared at my boyfriend. In some strange way I wasn’t able to put words to, I was just as touched by this sentiment as I was the first time he told me. I moved over to where he stood and wrapped my arms around him. He relaxed into me. My heart began to pound. It meant so much to me that he could relax with me. He could abandon most of his defenses with me.

I tightened my hold on him and slowly inhaled, appreciating the clean, spicy, smell I could only associate with him. Desire began smoldering and building. I let it wash over me. I slowly stroked my hand along Levi’s back and up the soft little strands of his undercut. I felt his breath catch. I ducked my head, maneuvering to kiss and nip at the skin just below his ear. Levi’s breath came out in a shuddering sigh that stoked my arousal all the more.

I trailed my lips along the shell of his ear. ”Levi, can we…?” my voice trailed off, breathy and full of hope.

Levi put a hand up to my chest, pushing back gently and halting my advances. “I… do not think I am ready for that,” he twisted his head off to the side, something that I thought to be shame pinching his features. “It’s not that I do not want to,” he insisted, his icy irises rising and searching for understanding or acceptance in my own eyes. “Fuck,” he muttered, “I really l-like you.” My eyebrows twitched a little at his uncharacteristic stutter, but I managed to keep any other reaction from my face. “I want to fuck you so fucking bad, and I know I booked this room, I just…” his hands and jaw clenched tight and I could see the distress infecting him. It pained me.

“Hey,” I kept my voice soft, looking on him with all the tenderness I felt. I cupped his face, brushing the pad of my thumb against his cheekbone. “It’s okay. Levi,” I said his name to make sure he knew he had my full attention and sincerity. “It. Is. O. K.” He was still looking at me with distraught eyes—setting a new record for the strongest emotion I’d ever seen him express. It was… It was almost like he couldn’t stand himself; and that tore at my heart. “Levi, it is a privilege to touch you. I know you don’t just assume you have the right to touch me because I’m your boyfriend, so why would you think I felt that way?”

I frowned at him with concern, not realizing he might actually be thinking of me that way until the words left my lips. I summoned all the bravery I could muster to say what was on my heart.

“How many times do I have to say it before it sticks? I like _you_. Your body is a plus, but it doesn’t make or break our relationship. Besides, it’s not like we haven’t done anything sexual at all. Your blow jobs are fucking awesome.” I definitely preferred them without the condom, and his insistence that I be showered in order to receive one without _was_ kind of a hassle, but I would gladly deal with that hassle if it meant having Levi in my life. Said man cracked a weak smile at my words, but it was immediately followed by a despondent sigh.

“I don’t get it, Levi,” I told him honestly. “How do you get to be so successful in life and think so little of yourself?” Once again I said something that I didn’t recognize as truth until it left my tongue. This time, it frightened me. I didn’t know how he’d react to me calling him out on a, likely, sensitive subject. Levi maintained a constant façade of Confident Asshole, but underneath he was actually quite insecure and a little self-loathing. I was completely baffled.

Levi reached up and peeled my hand off of his face, taking it instead to hold, and stroked lightly over my knuckles.

“Eren,” he said, voice so low and quiet it was a little difficult to make out. “I’m 46 now and I haven’t managed to find a relationship that will stick. I have told you that before. Something always goes wrong. And frequently, it is because people get tired of dealing with the neurotic shit. They do not like being micromanaged. Bending what they want to what I need because it does not make sense to them. I doubt you are any different.” I had to try hard to suppress a cringe because he was right—I didn’t get it. “I’m not trying to say I think we will go to shit—I just do not have a great track record. I have never blamed anyone who left me because of my problems. I would not blame you.” His eyes were hard and held a distance in them that made my chest ache. He was pushing me away. Excusing me to leave. I wasn’t listening to this anymore. Trepidation rolled into anger, flaring hot and bright. I turned my hand over and gripped his tightly.

“I’m not fucking leaving you Levi, so stop trying to convince me to!” I seethed, not angry with _him_ , but his attitude. He looked surprised by my outburst, his mouth slightly ajar. “I don’t care how fucking old you are or how many failed relationships you’ve had. _I’m not them_. Don’t count me out before you’ve really given me a chance. Don’t think so little of _yourself!_ I hate seeing you berate yourself like this! I know you know you’re hot shit. Everyone knows it. Don’t fucking forget it,” I huffed. I realized the death grip I had on his hands and loosed my hold. The self-consciousness I’d been suppressing surged up once more with the fear that I had gone too far. “Sorry,” I whispered.

Levi just shook his head, giving my hands a little squeeze before leaning his weight into me. We stayed like that for a moment, the atmosphere so quiet that each breath we took could be heard.

“What the fuck did I do to deserve you?” he sighed out.

“You wisely waited to meet me until I was safely past legal?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

I smiled at the predictable light pain that bloomed in my shoulder a moment later.

“I was being serious, you shit,” he murmured. He looked… _embarrassed._

My grin softened as I looked down on the hardened man in front of me.

“Levi,” my fingertips brushed his chin for the briefest of moments, to raise his face. “I’m serious, too. You keep citing your age at me and telling me that no one wants to deal with your shit. I’m here, aren’t I? And I’m honestly getting a little tired of having to tell you that you’re more than a body to fuck,” I didn’t bother holding back my bluntness. I’d already gotten this far; might as well say it all. If Levi was fazed by my words at all, he wasn’t showing it—just looking at me, inscrutable pupils still enlarged in the dimness of the room. “I know how much you’ve been through, Levi, but it’s really discouraging to have you keep pushing me back to an arm’s length away. It’s like being caught in conflicting currents. One minute you’re opening up about your past, and the next you’re trying to make me a part of it.” I rolled with the momentum of my words, letting them heedlessly embolden me. “I’m done with that. I want to be a part of your future.”

I was so filled with conviction that at first I didn’t even realize what had come out of my mouth. When I did, my jaw dropped.

“Levi, I-I—” he took a step away from me.

“Did you mean that, Eren?” he asked softly.

I swallowed, horrified that I had made such an announcement thoughtlessly. I did mean it. I just hadn’t mean to let him know that, yet. I sealed my lips shut, scouring his face for an inkling of what was going through his mind. Finding nothing, I heaved out a breath and locked eyes with him.

“Yes. I… really hope this… lasts.” I said the last word so mutedly, I doubted it was perceptible, but Levi seemed to understand me regardless.

Levi drew in a soft, but audible breath, moving closer to me again and reaching for one of my hands, which I wordlessly gave him.

“Shitty Brat,” he began, looking into my eyes.

I waited patiently for him to continue. His eyes kept sweeping over my face, his jaw working minutely as he stared.

“Shower, then cuddle,” he ordered.

As if I would deny him.

He silently divested me of my shirt before stripping himself down. I took off my pants while he started the water and dug out his soaps. We took our time—touching each other languidly and intimately without intentionally working each other up, though I found it impossible to not react to Levi’s statuesque form _at_ _all._ Of course, that reaction didn’t go very far with Levi keeping the water at a comfortable temperature of _Satan’s-Asshole_.

The things I endured for this man.

After we dried off, both of us put on fresh boxers and brushed our teeth before slipping into bed (after Levi had finished folding the garments we discarded earlier, of course).

The second we were under the covers, I pulled him into my arms, breathing in his scent deeply and drowning in the warm feeling it gave me.

And then something occurred to me. I pulled away from his face a little so I could see him clearly.

“Didn’t you have a book release today?”

Levi gave no pause. “Yes.”

“Didn’t you have to be there with your author?”

Now Levi was looking puzzled. “No.”

“But you were at Armin’s release,” I offered by way of explanation.

This time I was close enough to tell that Levi was _definitely_ blushing. It was faint, but there. I’d never been more thankful for forgetting to turn the lights out in my life.

“I may have… undelegated some tasks in order to be there,” Levi replied rather shiftily.

Understanding struck me.

“You were there just to see _me_ , weren’t you?”

Levi’s cheeks darkened.

_Well, fuck._

I hid my face in his hair, and tightened my hold on his solid form. His fingers were chill where they traced my shoulder blades, and his feet icy where he had wedged them between my calves, but the rest of him was warm. I reveled in all the sensations he brought me, completely smitten.

_You love him, don’t you?_

Hanji, true to her nature, was intrusive even in my own head. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on the top of Levi’s hair, nuzzling it lightly.

I did.

Hopelessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you happen to find an extra typo of mine, please point it out to me!!
> 
> If you dare find me on tumblr: resmiranda13.
> 
> I track STTOFTB if you want to follow updates and/or tag something related to the fic. I also track resmiranda13 if you want me to see something.
> 
> See you all next chapter!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren and Levi visit Mikasa, and things don't go exactly as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SIX MONTHS LATER.
> 
> Haha... ha...... ha.
> 
> So sorry. Good news: I'm less busy than I used to be, and we only have a few chapters left! My goal is to finish this before STTOFTB turns 3 (HOLY COW BLESS THOSE STILL READING THIS), but we'll see, lol.
> 
> Thank you for all the love you continue to give this fic, whatever form it may take!
> 
> SPEAKING OF WHICH! Please check out this [ AWESOME FANART](http://mydearbasil.tumblr.com/post/147610477687/might-delete-this-later-but-omg-i-spent-most-of-my) by [ mydearbasil! ](http://mydearbasil.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And, of course, all my thanks to [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/) for betaing once more!

The seatbelt sign blinked off.

I immediately undid my belt and stood up, stretching my legs. Though sitting in first class helped, I still tended to feel antsy after being cooped up for several hours. I glanced down to Levi, who was resealing his hand sanitizer in his quart-sized baggie. The 3oz bottle—which had been full at the start of the trip—was now halfway gone. When we were packing, I had thought three bottles of hand sanitizer was excessive, even for him. Clearly, I was mistaken.

I stepped out into the aisle and reached to unlatch the overhead storage where our carry-ons were stowed. Levi, unsurprisingly, was a very efficient packer. He had personal items packed away before we even began descending; now it was a simple task of gathering our suitcases and departing onto the ramp with a nod of gratitude to the flight crew.

The airport was sizable, but not gigantic. Regrettably, that didn’t stop it from swarming with people fresh—or not so fresh—off of flights. The late hour had everyone looking vaguely dazed as they shuffled to or from gates.

I took the lead, Levi dropping a step behind me, letting me navigate us through the crowds to arrivals. Neither one of us had checked baggage, so twenty minutes later, after collecting our rental car, we were on our way to our hotel.

The drive was an uneventful forty minutes spent mostly on the highway. It all rolled by in blurs of cars and trees and signs until I recognized the exit I needed to take with just enough time to change lanes. Levi shot me a glare as I angled the rental a bit sharply, but held his tongue as I actually looked at the GPS to get me the rest of the way to a hotel just off the highway—about fifteen minutes from Mikasa’s place.

Initially, I hadn’t really understood why Levi insisted on a hotel. I always stayed at Mikasa’s, and thought he would be more comfortable with a home environment, as well. She had an extra room, so it wasn’t like she’d be in the room with us. When he asked me if I wanted her to hear me come, however, I sealed my lips. Just thinking about it had me feeling flushed.

“Are you alright, Eren?”

“Hm?” I jolted from my thoughts with mild alarm, but realized that if any of that had been out loud, Levi wouldn’t be asking that question. “Yeah. Sorry. Just thinking,” I quickly stated.

We got out and I popped the trunk of our Nissan Versa to grab the bags. Levi eyed me for a moment longer but said nothing. He picked up his suitcase by the handle like it weighed nothing while I grappled with extending the handle on my bag so I didn’t have to lift it. Levi shut the trunk for me as I finally got it up. He took off for the entrance while I locked the car.

“I’m surprised you didn’t go for something flashier,” I commented as I jogged a few steps to catch up.

Levi gave me an odd look. “That would be expensive.”

Now it was my turn to be confused. “Your car is expensive…” I let my voice trail off, suddenly feeling like that was a foolish rationale. Levi’s flat look confirmed it.

“I paid for that once, and I have it every day at home. Why would I want to spend extra money on a different version of something I already have?”

I was sure there were people out there who did such things, but I clearly had not been thinking about the man in question when I spoke.

“Right,” I replied shortly, embarrassment robbing me of conversational skills.

Levi didn’t seem to mind the abrupt end to the conversation, striding through the sliding doors and up to the service counter. I stared at the pool, visible through the glass on the other side of the lobby. A quick glance at the pool closing time told me it was open for another half hour.

I turned to Levi just as he finished up at the desk.

“I think I’m gonna go for a swim as soon as we put our stuff in the room. Want to come?” I cocked my head to the side, hoping to entice him even a little.

Levi shot a surreptitious glance behind him, and finding no personnel in sight, stated, “I do not do pools.”

 _Oh_. Of course he wouldn’t get in a public pool. I tried to brush aside the pang of disappointment traveling down my core and focus on demonstrating respect for my partner. It wasn’t like I could blame him for his distrust of public pool cleanliness. If I was being completely honest, the only reason I used them was because I knew better than to think about it. Levi didn’t have that luxury.

None of that was enough to stop me from following the impulse to take a few laps, however. I knocked my suitcase over and dug my swim trunks out as soon as we got into the room, pausing only long enough to change into them and drop a quick kiss on Levi’s cheek before leaving again.

“Ere—!” Levi’s voice was cut off as the door shut. I turned back, intending to open the door when I realized I couldn’t. It opened a second later, however, Levi holding the plastic key up to eye level between two fingers.

I rubbed at the back of my head, sheepish. “Thanks,” I mumbled, taking the proffered card. Levi gave me one of his breath-catching half smiles and playfully smacked my cheek.

“Don’t lose it, brat.”

He let the door fall shut again, but I stared at the gap where he’d been a few seconds longer, then sighed and resumed my jaunt to the pool.

I only had fifteen minutes by the time I got there, but a few laps helped me get the last of my restless energy out and clear my head a bit. For some reason, a crawling feeling was forming in my stomach. I did not know what it was, nor did I like it, but I was determined that it would not ruin this trip. This was supposed to be fun, and I wasn’t going to let my own stupid thoughts get in the way of that.

Levi was just stepping out of the bathroom as I came in, drying his hands with a towel.

“Have a nice swim?”

“Yeah,” I affirmed with a smile as I walked over to my suitcase and squatted in front of it to look for my PJs and boxers, which had been displaced by my earlier search for my swim trunks.

“Going to shower?”

I paused in my search. Levi was asking, but I could hear the undercurrent of tension in the question, and understood the unspoken command.

“Yeah,” I repeated. I found what I was looking for and stood up, just in time to see Levi squirting a dollop of hand sanitizer into his palm.

“You’ve used a lot of that,” I observed. Levi gave a soft hum as he clicked the bottle closed. The noise seemed abnormally loud for such a large space. It was too quiet. I couldn’t even hear the hum of a vent.

The squirming in my stomach intensified.

I ignored it.

“Anything widely used by the public makes my skin crawl,” he offered with the slight shrug of one shoulder. “I was pretty fucked up by it when I was younger.”

“Yeah?” I questioned, trying to appear less stiff than I felt. Paranoia. That was the name of the feeling, and it was rising in me again. Dancing under my skin and leaving me feeling over-sensitized. I took even breaths.

Despite the easy comfort that had developed between us, Levi still didn’t talk about personal things too often. As a result, I felt uneasy whenever they were brought up. It wasn’t as though any of our conversations had gone badly, either—usually the opposite—but Levi almost never talked about the obsessions and compulsions that plagued him, and I was so aware of Levi’s vulnerability talking about it that I was nearly petrified of overstepping my bounds and saying the wrong thing.

“I told you we could stay with Mikasa. Still could; though not tonight anymore.”

I hated this feeling. The feeling that instead of conversing, I turned into an awkward pole—stiff and shit at conversation. Levi never seemed particularly bothered by this, but it nagged at me. I didn’t like that I was becoming more uncomfortable with talks like these over time. It was supposed to be the opposite. Instead I was finding myself avoiding personal topics more than I did when we initially started dating. Reversing the trend was hard.

“No, this setting is better for all of us. I am not as bad as I used to be.”

I casted my gaze back on Levi, watching him resettle things in his suitcase, and frowned to myself.

_Everything is fine. Why am I still so nervous?_

Levi picked a shirt out of his suitcase and shook it out. He was on his way to the small closet by the door before he spoke again.

“Before I started working for Survey, I had never flown before. I had a panic attack before getting on my first flight. If Erwin had not been with me, I would not have boarded.”

“Oh.” The syllable fell from my mouth without forethought, something heavy and unpleasant landing in my gut. _Erwin._ Again. Mentally, I knew I had no reason or right to be upset by that, but I was. It wasn’t that I distrusted Levi, or Erwin even. I believed Levi when he said nothing was there. It was something else… I just couldn’t name _what._

“He saved me from doing really stupid shit,” he continued. “I would have gotten as many layovers as possible, or else purposefully dehydrated myself so I would not have to use the bathroom on the plane or in the airports if he had not started me out with short flights and gradually built to longer ones.”

He hooked a hanger under one shoulder of his shirt, and shrugged the other end over, taking the time to make sure it was distributed perfectly.

“Levi…” I started to say, only to realize I didn’t have anything more.

He lightly hung the garment on the bar.

Levi finally raised his sharp blue eyes and pierced me from across the room. “My skin crawls.” The words carried an edge now; a contagious tension, yet remained eerily flat. The subtle dips and lulls I had learned to perceive were absent. I shivered. “I rubbed myself raw, once. Erwin came in when I refused to get out. He saw the blood and forced me out of the shower.”

My throat constricted as I suddenly understood why Levi was shutting down. Why I had been avoiding this topic.

“I gave him a black eye and bruised his ribs,” he finished, releasing me from his scrutiny and returning to his suitcase.

“We had a meeting the next day. He made up a story. Never once blamed me.” Levi laughed mirthlessly and let his shoulder hit the wall behind him. “Erwin never holds anything against me,” he sighed. “I do not know how the fuck I ended up with a friend like him.”

 _Friend_.

My mind snagged on the word, that ugly mass in my gut lurching. A dry, one note chuckle escaped me. I rubbed a hand over my face, everything hitting me at once. I felt like the world’s pettiest and immature person, and an asshole on top of it all.

While not exactly thrilled to hear Erwin had wrestled Levi, naked, in the shower, what I was feeling wasn’t jealousy. At least not the romantic kind. I wasn’t suspicious or afraid Erwin was going to interfere with my relationship with Levi. I was fucking jealous of their _friendship_ of all things.

As if in response to being named, that ball in my stomach unfurled like a poison in water. I clenched my fists, pissed at myself for feeling jealous in the first place. It was ridiculous. Levi was daring to expose himself in this way and trusting it wouldn’t scare me off, but here I was bypassing all of that and coveting a friendship that was decades old.

“Eren?”

The concern in Levi’s soft voice snapped me out of my head with the force of a yell. Shame colored my face and I could not bring myself to meet his eyes, let alone tell him my thoughts.

Soft pressure dusting along my cheek made me gasp. It wasn’t until it was gone and a cool smear was left against my skin that I realized I was crying.

“Fuck,” I cursed, scrubbing at my eyes, feeling even stupider. “ _Fuck._ ”

“Hey, get it together, shitty brat. I could use one of your brain shits.”

I laughed despite myself, an unglamorous and wet snort mixed up in the sound. Even through the blur my vision had become, I saw Levi’s face scrunch and laughed all the harder for it.

I felt more than heard Levi chuckle, but the crease between his eyes remained.

He watched me silently collect myself for an extended moment, finally admitting, “I do not know what upset you.”

“I—” How the fuck did I explain the shit storm that had whirled through my head without sounding like a pathetic asshole? “Myself? Maybe.” I sighed, eyes skirting the edge of his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just talk to me,” he took my elbow and guided me to sit with him on the edge of the bed.

I stared at my hands for a long time feeling both too full and too empty, with no words to express any of it. Maybe I’d just start talking and see what came out.

“You have an actual reason to be jealous of Jean.”

Or not. _When did Jean even cross my mind?_ I yelled at myself.

I buried my face in my hands.

“I wasn’t even thinking about Jean,” I told Levi, though it was impossible to say if he even heard me it was so muffled.

I sat up straight and sighed, determined to undo this mess.

“Forget what I just said.” Levi quirked an eyebrow but remained patient. “I guess I’ve just been feeling… uneasy.”

“Uneasy?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, the word feeling right. “I know talking about yourself… it isn’t something you do lightly.  So guess I’m… kind of scared of when you do because what if I say the wrong thing and break that trust? And then I get stupidly jealous of Erwin even though I know it’s a shitty reaction and nothing can replace the time you’ve known each other and the stuff you’ve been through—”

“Fuck, how long have you been holding this in?” Levi cut in. I heaved a breath, having forgotten to breathe as my disorganized thoughts came tumbling out.

“Uh, I don’t know. I think about it sometimes. Then I try to forget about it.,” I admitted.

“Well stop it, shithead. I do not know what the fuck is in that brain of yours but I do not need your protection, got it?” He leveled a stern eye at me. “I have survived this long and you fucking up is not going to change that. Let me inform you of something, brat. You are going to fuck up. It is not if, it is when. You will not understand me, or I won’t get you. We will fight. It will be shit. But it will only stay shit if you pull something like this and do not say anything. So say something.”

A sense of finality rang from his closing words. I felt like they had pierced me right through the chest. Everything he said was true. I knew it all already, too, but somehow I had lost my senses and hearing it from him made everything clear again. He was still looking right at me, apparently looking for confirmation of some kind.

“I’m sorry.”

He slapped the back of my head. My brain may have actually rattled.

“Ow! Levi, what the fuck?” I cried.

“I did not ask you to be sorry, you shit, I asked you to talk to me,” he growled.

A surprised bark of laughter escaped me, even as I rubbed at the sore spot on my head. “Yeah, okay,” I said through soft chuckles. I’ll try to talk.” I paused, considering my next words. “I get jealous of Erwin sometimes.”

Now it was Levi’s turn to laugh. “Yeah, I heard you say that. But _why_?” He spoke like this was completely unfathomable.

I sighed, shifting my weight on the bed. _I think I’m getting the comforter wet. I hope that’s not an issue._ “I don’t even really know. I mean, at first I thought you might have been dating—” Levi’s eyebrows shot straight up, but I went on, “—but even after I figured out that you’re just good friends, and it’s impossible to hate him because he’s a damn gentleman, then I started envying all the… all the time he’s spent with you. I know there’s no replacement for time, and I can’t do anything about it, but… he knows you so much better than I do. Maybe better than I ever will. And when I think about that—” I gritted my teeth, not even able to finish.

A cool hand overlapping mine brought me back to the present, and I shivered, my brain registering that I was still damp and the room was not particularly warm.

“I know I should not find this funny or cute, but if you do not cut this shit out you are going to tempt me to kiss you, covered in pool water or not.”

“Pool water?” I parroted dumbly, too distracted by that to be offended by his blithe attitude.

“Yes, much as you are tempting me right now, I am not doing anything while you are covered in pool water that someone has probably literally shit in,” he stated flatly.

I could not even pretend to understand how we had gotten from me crying in frustration to this. “I’m so confused.”

He patted my hand and smiled slyly, eyes glittering. “I know.” A sliver of irritation pierced me at his placating tone, but the exhaustion of a day of travel and emotional whiplash was starting to catch up with me. Abruptly all I had the desire for was a shower and some sleep.

Levi lifted his hand and lightly touched my cheek, gaze searching. “Take a shower. You look tired.”

“I am.”

“Go on.” He let his hand fall away from my face and nudged me lightly in the side. “I’ll go after you.”

I smiled faintly and considered asking him to join me, but thought better of it. I went back to my suitcase to grab my things, Levi sending me off with a jolting, and mildly arousing, slap to the ass.

I showered quickly, but efficiently, not wanting to make Levi wait. He was probably crawling in his skin after touching my “contaminated” body. It was only as I was stepping out of the shower that I registered how strong the scent of cleaner was in the small space.

_Was that what he was up to while I was gone? Cleaning the bathroom?_

I was struck with a pang of sympathy. Constantly feeling the pressure to clean something that was probably already clean had to be exhausting. I had never stopped to think before today about how hard travel must be on him.

I was just glad it sounded like he was at least past the point of taking his skin off.

A wave of unexpected gratitude and appreciation for Erwin washed over me. When Levi was recounting the past I had been so focused on my envy that I did not stop to think how difficult—traumatic even—that must have been for both of them. If I had been the one there instead… I honestly didn’t even want to think about it.

I tilted my head to each side, cracking my neck, then rubbed my towel vigorously through my hair—which still had not been cut. I ran a hand through it, fingers catching on knots which I carefully worked out until I reached the ends. If I held it down, it came just to the middle of my nose. It was probably about as long as Levi’s now, and I found I kind of liked it. A little bit longer and I’d be able to get it into a ponytail again. Until then, I would search for my old stash of headbands and clips to keep it out of the way.

I finished my nightly routine, brushing my teeth and running the towel back through my hair one more time. I hung it on the hook behind the door before tugging on the pajama pants I’d brought—a simple green plaid pair.

I opened the door to find Levi in the old cushioned chair the room had, reading a manuscript, pen poised in his hand. I stopped and frowned, something not right, but I wasn’t sure _what_.

Until he looked up.

“Since when do you wear glasses?” I blurted. I scanned my memories, trying to remember if I had ever seen a pair lying around his house, but came up short. I wasn’t _that_ oblivious, was I?

“At least the last decade,” he replied, removing black rimmed frames and blinking a few times. “I do not wear them most of the time, but find reading things that are close difficult in the evening. I typically just don’t read in the evening.”

“Oh.” I guessed that made sense. Now that I stopped to think about it, I was kind of impressed. It was pretty common for people at his age to need reading glasses, but his eyes still seemed to be in good condition. I could only hope to be in a similar position at his age. “Shower’s all yours,” I offered.

Levi placed his manuscript back in his carrier bag and plucked up his toiletries and night clothes, looking me over as he approached. “You look like a bird tried to nest in your hair and failed.”

“Hey!” I complained, raising one hand protectively as he reached for my head. He ignored my protests, rising onto the balls of his feet to ruffle it further. “It’s cute.” Before I could make a comeback, his mouth was on mine. Instinctually, my lips pressed back, but by the time my mind caught up, he was already walking into the bathroom.

I followed him with my eyes until he shut the door, and licked my lips. I wondered if he would make good on the suggestion that I would be coming during this trip.

 _Maybe we’ll finally_ —I shut that thought down faster than Sasha could eat a steak. I was better off not thinking of such things, at least for tonight. I _was_ feeling rather drained, after all. Even if finding the energy for some pleasure wasn’t a problem, I would regret it in the morning. If not because of the lack of sleep, because of Mikasa’s uncanny perceptiveness. I had to prepare myself for that conversation, and I was not going to do so tonight.

I peeled back the comforter, folding it as neatly as I could on the bottom of the bed. Though Levi usually slept under the comforter, he had proclaimed my body “too damn hot”—in the non-sexy way, much to my disappointment—and taken to folding it back on nights we spent together.

I crawled under the sheets, thinking of staying up until Levi got back, and promptly fell asleep.

~~~

“Wait, we are going out to eat?” Levi asked as I took another turn down a busy roadway.

“Yes?” I answered, my voice lilting upwards in confusion.

After waking up late and leisurely getting ready, we were on our way to meet Mikasa for brunch. I thought it had been obvious that meant meeting at a restaurant, but apparently Levi had assumed otherwise. My comment that the diner we were going to had great waffles was not met with the reaction I expected. I waited for Levi to expound on his thoughts, but when several minutes passed by in silence, I started to become concerned.

“Is something wrong?” I probed tentatively, sneaking a glance away from the road to try and judge his reaction. Aside from being stiff—which he had been ever since we stepped foot on the plane—I couldn’t discern any other abnormalities. The ball of unease, which had shriveled considerably after last night, pulse and grew just a little.

I heard Levi sigh beside me. When I glanced over at him again, he was staring out the passenger window, like he was trying to avoid catching my eye.

Something was definitely off.

Alone, that didn’t bother me too much. What got to me was that he had just scolded me last night for not communicating, and now he was closing himself off. The spark of irritation that produced quickly burned up my unease and replaced it with a simmering indignation.

“Did you tell me the name?” His intonation was just a little too casual. I started looking for parking, and spotted and opening just down the block.

“Just a sec,” I muttered as I drew up next to the car in front of the space I wanted, trying to be exceedingly careful to not hit the curb, yet close enough that I was not going to get side-swiped. My own tire caps were scraped raw, but like hell I was going to let that happen with the rental car.

A few minutes and a few too many forward/reverse cycles later, I turned the engine off and twisted to look at my boyfriend. He met my eyes, reluctantly.

“What is going on?”

Levi’s chest expanded. He huffed a sigh.

“You know my… issues extend to food preparation, don’t you?”

I took a sharp breath in. “Shit.”

Levi averted his eyes.

Well that explained a lot.

I bit my lip, thinking. “Wait.”

Blue-gray eyes resettled on me.

“Wait,” I repeated, sitting up. “You eat pre-packed foods at cafés, right?”

“I try to avoid it, but I will when I have no other options,” he grimaced a bit at the thought.

“Would you mind?” My gut writhed at having to ask him, but I didn’t know what else to do on such short notice.

Levi sighed. “I will manage.”

“Are you sure?” I pressed, not wanting to ruin our day before it even began.

“ _Eren_ ,” he snapped.

My eyes widened. Levi never spoke to me so brusquely.

As I gaped, Levi seemed to realize what he had done, and his face softened slightly.

“Just call your sister.”

Rather numbly, I complied. She picked up on the second ring.

“Is everything alright?” I rubbed the hand that wasn’t holding my phone over my face. I did not need this right now.

“Hello to you, too.”

“Sorry, hi.” A pause. “Is everything alright?”

If I was being honest, no, everything was not alright, and she’d probably hear it in my voice. But if we could just move on from this, I was sure it would be.

“Yeah. Do you mind changing our meeting place to that coffee place down the street from the breakfast place? I’m really craving one of those vegan cookies.” That last part wasn’t a lie, at least. I always wanted one of those things.

“Oh. Sure. If that’s what you want, birthday boy.” I smiled, a little weight lifting from my chest at her easy acceptance.

“Great. We’ll meet you there in a few.”

“Okay. See you soon.” I ended the call.

Levi unbuckled his seatbelt. “Vegan cookies?”

“I don’t know how they make the chocolate chips so creamy without milk, but they _do_ ,” I enthused.

That caused the shadow of a smile to flit across Levi’s face.

I checked the street, then opened my door. Levi got out and came to stand next to me; I pointed across the street.

“That’s the café.”

He looked it over and nodded, then lifted his head in greeting. I looked around and realized my sister was right in front of me. I checked the road once more, paused for a car to go by, then ran across the street to her, sweeping her up in a hug.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” she returned. She pulled back enough to look at me, then began feeling my ribs, making me squirm at the ticklish sensation it caused. She leveled me with a hard stare. “You look skinnier than the last time I saw you. Are you eating enough?”

“Yes, Mikasa,” I groaned, throwing in an eye roll for good measure. Mikasa leaned over my shoulder to stare down Levi.

“Eats like a black hole. I haven’t figured out how he does it because I haven’t been able to get him to go out on a morning jog with me yet. Or even a workout for that matter.” He gave me a pointed looked when I shrugged out of Mikasa’s vice-grip to look at him.

“I worked out with you once!”

“You jogged on a treadmill for 20 minutes and then sat there drinking a smoothie while you watched _me_ work out.”

“Can you blame me? Have you seen yourself?”

Levi resolutely ignored that comment. Mikasa let her eyes speak for her.

Maybe that wasn’t my most tactful moment. _Abort. Abort._

“Hey, look! People moved away from the food case; let’s go.” I made a beeline for the glass display and didn’t look back. I did, however, watch Levi as he raised himself onto his toes in an effort to see the signs in the back of the top rack. I hid my smile behind my hand. Mikasa saw me staring and gave me a questioning look. I just shrugged and quickly looked back at the sandwiches and pastries. A second later Levi punched me.

“Hey!” I rubbed at the tender spot on my bicep.

“I saw that, you shit.” His eyes were dark, but it was clearly all bluster. I laughed and gave his shoulder a quick squeeze.

“So, Eren, how’s work?” Mikasa inquired after we all had decided, ordered, and were waiting for our food and drinks.

“Oh, it’s good,” I replied automatically. “Did I ever tell you I work with some of Levi’s friends?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, you know Petra and Oluo? They used to work at Survey,” I informed her.

“Huh. Small world,” she mused. She started to say something more, but was interrupted by a barista putting out the first of our orders. “Levi, how did you end up at Survey?” she finally asked once he left.

Levi shot me a quick glance before meeting Mikasa’s eyes. My drink came and I picked it up, taking a tiny sip.

“One of my close friends works there and suggested I apply for an open position. And here I am.” My boyfriend did have a way of being succinct. “How’d you end up with your own rock climbing place?”

Mikasa shook her head. “I worked at a place where the owner decided to retire. He said it was mine if I wanted it. I think I was crazy to say yes, but I managed that place for a couple years before it became apparent we really needed a new facility.” The last of our orders came and we moved toward the doors. “The business was growing, and we needed a larger place and more staff. After more headaches and crises than I care to recall, here I am.” She nodded conspiratorially at Levi, whose lips turned up subtly.

“Ah, I haven’t been rock climbing in forever. I’m excited,” I chatted as we got in the car—Mikasa included, since she had taken the bus—and started for the gym. I snuck a glance to my right, where Mikasa was seated. “And it’s good to see you. Your hair is getting longer again. It looks good. Though it looked good short, too.”

Mikasa swung her hair out over her shoulder to examine. “I liked it short, too, but I like having it long enough to pull back into a hair tie. More practical.”

I hummed my agreement.

“Yours is getting pretty long, too.”

I laughed and raised a self-conscious hand to touch my overgrown hair. “Yeah. I kept thinking I needed to cut it, but just never found the time. Now I kind of like it. Just a little more and it will be out of that awkward stage where it looks messy no matter what.”

“Your hair always looks messy no matter what.” Behind me, I heard Levi’s sharp and short laugh. Mikasa never did pull her punches. “Turn right here, it’s faster.”

“How has business been? I haven’t really gotten to talk to you recently outside of planning details for this trip.”

Mikasa sipped on her coffee. “It’s been good, though definitely starting to go down on the nice days. We’re in the weird mid-phase between where we haven’t started outdoor programs yet, but the weather is nice enough for it about half the time.”

“You have outdoor programs?” Levi prompted.

“We have to.” A hint of passion had crept into Mikasa’s voice, and it grew as she talked about her business.  “We wouldn’t make enough to make it through the summer without them. Mostly we just run organized trips to local outdoor rock climbs. Some are organized as classes, others are just organized outings. We mostly make money off of the equipment rentals.”

“Makes sense. Survey’s so big and lucrative, I sometimes forget that small business is a lot more like living day to day than people think.”

Mikasa gave a sharp nod of agreement. “You can say that again. The new space has been great, but it’s also a lot more to manage. We’re still a small gym.” It’s—Eren, there! Right there!”

I swerved a bit sharply, but managed to make the turn into the little parking lot just in time. “You can park in my spot. I rode my bike in.” She pointed at the reserved sign that I already knew well.

We entered the gym and Mikasa took us through her spiel on safety as we filled out paperwork, after stoutly refusing any kind of payment, even from Levi, as an early birthday present. Levi read over every line carefully, but I just signed, having been through this more times than I could remember.

Mikasa left me to get Levi situated in the gear while she checked in with her employees.

I scrunched up some of the belts so they would be easier for Levi to get into.

“It’s just like putting on a pair of pants.”

Levi stepped into everything easily enough. He made to adjust the straps, but I brushed his hands aside.

“Eren, I can do it my—”

I grabbed one of the straps and ran my fingers down it’s length, pressing the back of my hand to his body. His eyes widened a fraction, then subtly shifted to appraise our surroundings, before sliding back to mine.

A tiny tendril of electricity ran down my core.

Well.

I hadn’t expected Levi to accept that so easily.

I quickly returned my hands to myself.

“On second thought, I’ll let you handle that. I’m gonna get on the wall.” I began a slow retreat before my body could respond more than it already had. Levi just looked amused. Part of me wondered if his response had been intended to elicit the reaction he got. “Wait for Mikasa to come back and she’ll belay for you.”

“She’ll what?”

“Belay. Hold your rope. Basically. Don’t worry, she’ll explain it all.”

Levi raised one eyebrow I took to mean ‘if you say so’ and watched as I found my own favorite belayer, Mina.

“Eren!” Mina gave me a hug. “What are you—wait. It’s your birthday soon.”

“Tomorrow,” I grinned.

“Are you going to be here tomorrow, too?”

I laughed at the idea. “I’ll be in town, but not here. I’ve gotten way too out of shape to climb two days in a row.”

“What? You need to get out more! What have you been doing in Trost?”

“Working! Not everyone’s job is at a gym,” I pointed out.

She smiled. “Okay, okay. You wanna get on the wall or what?”

“Yes, please,” I requested politely.

She grabbed a rope and quickly tied a figure-eight knot. I looked over my shoulder to see if Mikasa had come back for Levi, and saw her doing the same, but she was actually taking the time to explain everything to him.

Mina nudged me, picking up on my interest.

“He’s hot,” she commented, brushing a few loose strands of obsidian hair aside. “Haven’t seen him around before.”

“He’s mine.” I grinned helplessly.

“Someone’s smitten,” she teased.

I shrugged, trying to ignore the heat rising to my cheeks. I was helpless to deny it. I stepped up to the wall instead.

“Ready?”

She laughed at my shying away from the topic. “Sure, Eren. You remember your words?”

“Take and lower,” I recited for her.

“Perfect. Ready when you are.”

I took a deep breath and reached over my head. I gave one last look over to Levi, knowing that once I was on the wall I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything other than climbing unless I took a break. Which I probably would halfway up, just to watch Levi. That and I’d probably need it with how long it’d been since I’d done any climbing or strength training.

Levi was looking back. He gave me a small lopsided smile that made my heart skip.

“Try not to fall, brat,” he called out to me.

“Even if I do, I’ve got the best belayer in this place,” I haughtily informed him.

“Hey!” Mikasa’s voice snapped like a whip.

“Owners don’t count!” I hastily amended.

Levi chuckled.

I shook my head at both of them and retook my starting position, grabbing the highest rocks I could while maintaining a stable grip. Glancing down, I found my first two footholds and carefully placed my right foot first, then my left.

My muscles immediately began to protest and I laughed to myself. It had definitely been too long.

I pushed up with my legs and reached for the next easy-to-grab handhold. This area of the wall started out with lots of mini-jugs that were fairly close together and became more challenging the higher one got. I had to stretch my left arm farther out than I liked to catch another easy rock, then repeated the process of glancing down to see what was around my feet and placed them carefully.

I made steady progress like this for a bit before it really got challenging. The rocks with easy handholds were fewer up here and I was stuck having to grip the roughly textured slopers that bit into my fingertips. My muscles were beginning to protest more heavily, so I looked over my shoulder to where I guessed Mina was, and was shocked at how far up I was. I swiveled my head back up and realized I was only about fifteen feet from the top.

I laughed giddily. The single-minded focus I developed during a climb never ceased to amaze me, though why I didn’t know. As anyone who knew me would happily point out, I did everything that way.

“Take!” I yelled down to Mina. I immediately felt the tension on my rope increase and sat back in my harness, letting my arms dangle next to me.

“You’re almost there Eren!” Mina yelled up to me. The whine in her voice clearly indicated she was disappointed I hadn’t gone for the whole climb.

“Slowing down, brat?”

I snapped my attention to my right, where Levi was clinging to the wall a couple of feet above me.

“What the fuck,” I said flatly.

Levi smirked at me, though it was clear the bulk of his concentration was on the wall and not me.

I relaxed that much more and took my time looking him over. I hadn’t thought much of the black t-shirt he’d put on that morning, but I was _thoroughly_ appreciating the way it was hugging and accentuating his biceps now. I continued my appreciative line down to the lightly corded muscles of his forearms, and the nimble fingers that seemed to effortlessly catch purchase on the rocks I always struggled with. Probably because his hands were so much smaller.

I had never seen someone make rock-climbing look so… sensual.

_Holy hell, I am in deep._

I fought the urge to beat my head against the rough grain of the wall at the sheer absurdity of that line of thought, and decided I should finish my climb before I followed up stupid thoughts with stupid actions.

Despite how well Levi had been doing, he had climbed up in such a way that he was at a difficult spot on the wall for a short person to finish the climb. I got the rest of the way up and called for a lower while Levi carefully studied the last few feet.

As I repelled down the wall, I watched Levi lower his center of gravity and leap for the rock directly over his head. His hand caught it, but he almost lost his grip as he tried to find footing. A couple seconds of scrabbling, and he was reaching for the last handhold as my feet hit the ground.

“ _Woo!_ ” I yelled up to him. Mikasa scowled at me for being loud, but I just smiled in return, shaking out my arms. That lifting shakiness was entering my limbs, and, as sad as it was, I knew I was probably done for the day.

It was as I was turning my gaze back to Levi that everything happened at once.

“ _Shit!_ ”

I heard a heavy thud, but couldn’t look to see what had caused it as my entire focus was arrested by Levi’s figure jerking off the wall.

And plummeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you happen to find an extra typo of mine, please point it out to me!!
> 
> If you dare find me on tumblr: [ resmiranda13. ](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I track STTOFTB if you want to follow updates and/or tag something related to the fic. I also track resmiranda13 if you want me to see something.
> 
> See you all next chapter!


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren's birthday weekend continues to have ups and downs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeey look who's not posting 6 months later!!
> 
> We're so close to the end, holy cow. 2 chapters, an aside, and an epilogue to go!
> 
> Thank you to all those who have taken the time to comment or otherwise give attention to this fic. All of it makes me really happy. I know not everyone has a good time on AO3, but I've been blessed with a very positive experience, and I have you, my awesome readers to thank for it! <3
> 
> All my thanks to the awesome [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/) for betaing!
> 
> Also, for those of you wondering where the explicit is in this story, it's here, apparently. LOL

It felt like cold water had been dumped on my insides.

My heart leapt into my throat.

A grunt sounded to my right and Levi’s descent was arrested, but he had instinctively kicked against the wall when he lost support, and I was helpless to watch as his momentum carried him back into it, hard.

“ _Ah!”_ The pained cry spread numbness throughout my body. Time seemed to stand still as I watched him hang against the wall. He stirred, and I breathed, lungs hungry for air. Blood buzzed in my ears.

Mikasa was the first one to recover, snapping into her professional mode.

“Levi? No, don’t move for a second.” She instructed as he tried to lift one of his arms. “Can you hear me?”

“Yes.” Levi’s voice was a tight grunt that made me feel sick.

 _He’s hurt he’s hurt he’s hurt he’s hurt…_ circled around and around in my brain. I let my knees give and sank onto my butt on the padded mat. A hand rested on my shoulder, but I ignored it, my attention more laser-focused than it had even been on the climb.

“Are you injured anywhere?” Mikasa asked calmly.

“I twisted my ankle, but I can make it down.”

Despite his assurance, I couldn’t relax.

“Okay. We’re going to go extra slow, okay, Levi? If you need a break, let me know right away.”

It wasn’t until Levi was nearly on the ground again that sense flooded back to me and I sprinted over to help Mina get him onto the mat to examine. Levi immediately attempted to stand, but I held him down by one shoulder, silently and sternly telling him to stay put with a look. Though his face was as flat and cold as a stone’s, he was panting lightly and grimaced when I lightly pressed my fingers to his clearly swollen ankle. There were scrapes on his face, arms, and legs that were speckled with blood.

“It’s just a sprain,” he informed.

Mikasa appeared next to me and nudged me aside. I let her, since she had much more experience with this kind of stuff than I did.

“You really don’t—”

Mikasa glared at him sharply.

“You may know it’s a sprain, but I have to check you out for legal reasons, so deal with it.” After some careful pressing, bending, and flexing, Mikasa agreed that it was a sprain. “You still might want to go see a doctor, just in case,” she recommended.

Levi immediately dismissed the idea. “I’ll be able to walk on it.”

I frowned at him. “There is no way you’re walking on that.”

“I have survived worse, Eren. This is nothing. Trust me.”

“I don’t care; you’re at least going to lean on me for now.” I stood up and helped him to his feet.

“Hold on, I’ll grab an ice pack!” Mina chipped in, jogging through a ‘staff only’ door.

“I’m sorry, Levi. This never should have happened.” Mikasa looked incredibly embarrassed. Or at least as embarrassed as I had ever seen her.

Levi waved her off. “Shit happens.”

A hot rush of anger flooded through me as I finally began to remember the events immediately before I saw Levi fall. “Wait, what even happened? Who fucked up?”

Mikasa held up one hand. “Don’t go there, Eren. You know accidents happen. Someone tripped into me—and no,” she sidestepped to match me as I tried to look past her, “I’m not telling you who—and it made me yank on the rope. _I_ pulled him off the wall, so if you want someone to—”

“That never would have happened if that shit for brains didn’t crash into you in the first place,” I spit.

“Eren.” The voice next to my ear startled me. I was so intent on Mikasa and her anonymous assailant that I’d forgotten I was supporting Levi.

“Chill the fuck out. I am fine. And I would rather rest at the hotel than wait for you to kill someone,” he added dryly. “Now will you help me out of this shit?”

I looked down to where Levi was still fully clad in the climbing gear.

“Oh. Right.”

~~~

Eventually, and after apologizing to Mikasa for both my misdirected anger and cutting our day short, Levi and I left for the hotel.

“Eren,” Levi called to me as soon as I distributed him on the cushioned chair.

I hummed to let him know I’d heard and disappeared around the corner into the bathroom to wash my hands. When I reappeared he looked vexed.

“Is there something to hold onto in the shower?”

I ducked back into the bathroom to check.

“Yes,” I confirmed.

“Great. I’m taking a shower.”

My gut lurched unpleasantly, visions of Levi collapsed in the tub flashing through my head.

“I don’t think that’s a great idea.”

“Eren.” His tone was one of warning, something barely restrained sharpening the sound of my name. “I just spent an hour in a place covered in bodily fluids. I’m showering.”

He stared me down, and I knew it was futile to argue with him.

“Will you at least let me help you?” It wasn’t like we hadn’t showered together before, though the quarters would be much closer in here than in any of the showers we had shared previously.

“You can help me into the tub.”

I bit my lip, debating the worthwhileness of arguing.

Levi closed his eyes for an extended beat. When he opened them again they were softer. “Look, brat. I know you just about pissed yourself earlier. I get it. But I’m fine. And just because my ankle feels like shit doesn’t mean my balance is damaged. If I have something to hold onto I’ll be fine.”

I did my best to push down the fear that was still hovering just under my skin, and nodded. “Okay.”

As soon as Levi was situated in the shower, I stripped off my clothes and grabbed my swim trunks. I didn’t bother picking up my clothes, but did make sure to grab a room key this time. I didn’t let Levi know where I was going, and I didn’t take my phone.

I needed some space to clear my head.

The need to disentangle my thoughts only became more apparent as I got down to the pool and realized a) there were screaming children everywhere, this was not a place to think, and b) my limbs were shaky as fuck after combining a two-story climb with a bowling ball of adrenaline.

I was exhausted.

Nowhere left to go, I turned around and returned to the room, though it felt like it took me twice the time to go back as it had to come down.

Levi was still in the shower when I got to the room, so I sat myself down on the edge of the bed and put my face in my hands. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. I wasn’t even sure why I was so worked up. As Levi had pointed out—multiple times—he was fine; but I felt like my nerves had been frayed to snapping, and that ugly knot that had been present in my gut since we got here was tighter and heavier than ever.

“Eren?”

My head snapped up at the soft intonation. I hadn’t even heard the water turn off.

Levi was leaning against the doorframe, dressed in another dark t-shirt and gray boxers. In other circumstances, I was sure I would have found the sight irresistible, but as it was, all I could think was to rise and help him over.

Levi lifted a hand as soon as I started to stand and waved me off. I hovered for a second, but my legs were too exhausted to hold myself up long, and I settled for watching carefully as Levi limped over to my side.

“You went swimming?”

I kept my gaze on the darkened TV in front of me. I’d probably been staring at it the whole time I’d been sitting there, but only just noticed it.

“No.”

We sat there in silence. Slowly, with Levi solid and safe next to me, I began to relax, and my thoughts began to unfurl. As they did, the mass in my stomach eased and moved to form an ache in my chest. Words were out of my mouth before they had even really formed in my head.

“You fell.”

A beat.

“Yes.”

I took a shuddering breath.

“When… When I saw you slam back into the wall I—” A lump formed in my throat and I couldn’t get anything else out past it. Helplessly, I turned to look at him.

Fingertips danced along the side of my face, down my jaw. His eyes—vivid blue right now—were warm, but… sad? His chest jolted with what might have been a laugh. “Oh, brat. Remind me to never tell you about my teenage years.”

My brow furrowed, then understanding smoothed it.

“That bad?”

“You have no idea.”

“I’ve never seen anything like that before. Climbs like that are usually so safe.”

“I guess I am just lucky.”

I shot him a halfhearted glare and resisted the urge to fall into him. I doubted he would appreciate that right now after just getting out of the shower.

Levi seemed to read my mind.

“Go clean up. Then we can cuddle and shit.”

I choked on air, imagining that in the most literal sense of the words. The pent up tension snapped, and I promptly erupted laughing. I folded over on myself, gasping for air as peals of laughter kept escaping me.

When I finally had enough control over myself to twist in Levi’s direction, he was looking at me in a way that suggested he was heavily contemplating calling for help.

I wiped a few loose tears that had leaked from my eyes and tried to explain.

“You—You s-said,” I tried to breathe through the laughter that wanted to explode again. “C-Cuddle and shit!” I gasped out. Levi’s look only grew more bewildered. Somewhere during this, he had shifted away from me. I took a few more breaths, feeling dizzy now, and made the final push to finish. “I took that literally.” A few undignified giggles snuck past my defenses.

Levi’s face contorted into one of ultimate disgust and he all but shoved me off the bed. “Vulgar shit. Go shower,” he ordered.

I smiled up at him from where I’d fallen on my ass, and _finally_ felt the last of the anxious energy leave me.

Levi was still scowling down at me, his face pinched unattractively, water dripping from his bangs, but he was there, and he was safe. My chest ached all the more intensely, but this time there was a pleasantness to it.

This man had no clue what he did to me.

~~~

“Sorry for fucking up your birthday.”

I tested my muscles to see if I could lift myself up enough to see Levi’s face, and finding I couldn’t, settled for squeezing him against my chest more firmly and nuzzling his silky hair, which was still a little damp and smelled like freshly ground cinnamon.

“You didn’t fuck it up. It’s not even my birthday yet. I didn’t like the part where you got hurt, but now I get to spend the day cuddling up with you.” I managed angle my head enough to kiss his shoulder. “Pretty damn good birthday if you ask me. Better than the last few, anyway,” I grumbled. “Last year Jean had just broken up with me, and the year before that, he took me out but was a total douchebag and ignored me the whole time. Flirted with other guys and girls. I left him and he didn’t even notice. Only redeeming factors were Armin and my sister.”

Without realizing it, I had balled the hand that had been resting on Levi’s hip into a fist. Just thinking about Jean’s shit riled me up, despite the fact it was more or less ancient history now.

Levi twisted around in my arms, and touched one cool palm to my cheek. I closed my eyes. I could feel his silent message of ‘ _I won’t ever do that.’_

Lips pressed against mine. Without opening my eyes, I re-twined my arms around Levi’s solid form and kissed him back, deep and slow. Levi pressed in closer, and heat steadily trickled down my spine to pool below my gut. The familiar ache of desire stirred in me, and I let my hands wander, trusting that Levi would stop me if that was what he wanted.

I wiggled my hips back and pressed my palm against his groin. The pulse against my hand let me know I wasn’t the only one feeling this, and I began to lightly stroke along his outline. The more I played the more Levi’s breath snagged and hitched—soft little sounds I’d never be able to hear if his mouth weren’t pressed against mine.

Levi broke away and began to kiss down my jaw, his own fingers questing until I stuttered in my ministrations and moaned softly. I pulled back until I could look into Levi’s eyes, so dark and wanton. I dipped my hand into the slit of Levi’s boxers, and began to slowly move it along his shaft. Levi’s tongue peeked out to wet his lips and he squeezed me a little tighter. I closed my eyes and rolled my hips up into the sensation, trying to remember to attend to Levi in the process.

The sweetest kind of sigh was released against my skin and I quickened my motions, wanting to see molten seas of blue go blind with pleasure.

“Little slower,” Levi gasped.

I reduced my pace by just a hair, and Levi’s chest heaved.

“Yeah. Just like that.”

Somehow, we had gravitated toward one another once more. I warred between wanting to press my forehead to his and wanting to see him clearly. Eventually, the part of me that wanted to keep eye contact won out. Levi thumbed at my favorite spot just under the head and I bit at my lower lip, feeling the wave of pleasure rising towards its peak. I fought to keep the rhythm of my hand steady, instinctually wanting to pick up the pace but knowing that’s not what Levi wanted.

“Play with the head.”

A shudder rippled down my spine. I obeyed, rubbing small circles around the tip and applying the gentle pressure I knew Levi loved at the slit. I felt like I might be able to come just from Levi ordering me to touch him like this. I had always known there was a submissive streak in me, but it had never been like this with Jean. Never been like this with _anyone_.

My breathing became harsher. Levi caressed _that_ spot again. I groaned.

“Tighter.” Levi’s voice was _ragged_. I knew he was close.

I squeezed my fingers in just a little. Two strokes and Levi tensed. I watched, rapt, as Levi’s irises fluttered in their own little spasms. A cry blossomed from the back of my throat and I pitched my head in towards Levi’s, staring at him through hazy vision as waves crashed and broke.

I went boneless. I didn’t even remove my sticky hand from Levi’s underwear. I just kept searching those endless silver-blue eyes. My chest felt so full it could pop.

 _I love you_.

I wanted to say those words to him.

I licked at dry lips, nervous.

It had been a month since I realized it. Despite the tense moments that had been cropping up recently, we’d been doing well. It certainly didn’t feel like we were growing apart at all.

I licked my lips again; tried to find my voice.

Warmth enveloped my lips, suckling and giving soft nips. I molded to his mouth, courage draining, falling for the much easier option of post-orgasm kisses.

It was okay if I kept those words to myself, just a little bit longer.

~~~

“Happy Birthday!” Mikasa pulled me into her arms on sight. I returned her embrace tightly, letting it linger a beat longer than usual. When she withdrew, her attention immediately shifted to Levi. “How’s your ankle?”

“It’s fine.” She stared him down; he walked inside just to prove his point. Only someone who was watching carefully would be able to detect the syncopation of his gait. He really wasn’t lying about it being better. Thanks to a combination of ice and gentle stretching of the muscle in warm water, the swelling had gone down considerably, mostly leaving him tender and a little scuffed up. He had hardly walked on it since it happened, and was only going short distances when he did. I wouldn’t let him do anything more, not trusting him to set reasonable limits for himself after his attitude yesterday, despite his initial protests.

“Don’t worry, Mikasa. I’ve been keeping an eye on him.”

Her dark eyes looked me over, skeptical, but she appeared to accept my word, and glided back into the kitchen, Levi and me following.

I glanced at my partner out of my periphery. Something still felt off-kilter between us—the knot that had loosened yesterday was cinched tightly once more—but I did my best to shove that lingering unease aside and enjoy my birthday with people I loved.

Something tickled at my memory. I frowned to myself. With every step, it felt like I was wandering deeper into a nostalgic fog, but I couldn’t figure out _why_. It was unnerving.

“Dinner’s almost ready. Just need to pull the pie out of the oven and toss the salad.”

Everything snapped into place at once. _The smell_.

A smile ghosted across Mikasa’s lips. “Mom’s turkey pot pie.”

I pretended that I had meant to say that out loud.

“Can I help with anything?” I offered.

Mikasa shook her head. “Everything is set; but you can get yourself something to drink.”

I scoured the fridge while Mikasa finished tossing the salad, and Levi went to wash. By the time we sat down, I was salivating. Levi and I had spent the whole day in our hotel room watching television. Levi had gotten a little work done, too. Neither of us had eaten much since the continental breakfast the hotel provided.

Mikasa stuck serving utensils in the pie and salad and sat down across from me at her small round table, only to immediately get to her feet again.

“I’ll be right back.” With no further explanation, she power walked out of the dining area and down the hallway. I shared a bemusing glance with Levi.

“I think my stomach is eating itself.”

Levi gave a grunt of what I was assumed was agreement.

“Sorry about that.”

Mikasa whisked around the corner, holding open a computer. I was about to ask when the computer spoke, just as she set it down in the empty fourth seat.

“Happy Birthday, Eren!”

“Armin!” A grin took over my face as I was greeted with his slightly pixilated form. I never would have thought to do this, but I was glad one of them had. Armin had texted me this morning, but it just wasn’t the same. I couldn’t actually remember the last time I hadn’t seen him on my birthday. He usually came with me to see Mikasa, or Mikasa came to see us, but had insisted on letting me go alone with Levi this time. I still didn’t really understand his logic since Mikasa could get to know Levi just as well, maybe even better, with him around, but he had been unusually stubborn about it. Since I hated fighting with him, I let it go.

Seeing his familiar features, however, I kind of wished he was here. He was always willing to listen and speak sense anytime I started feeling uncertain of my relationship with Levi. With the way I’d been feeling the last couple of days, I could use some of that level-headedness.

Maybe I’d text him later.

~~~

Dinner was delicious. If I closed my eyes and savored the taste, I could pretend that Mom was still here. I didn’t dwell on such thoughts, though. I’d learned a long time ago that fantasies that were sweet in the moment ended up just hurting in the long run. Not that it bothered me too much these days. It was one of those things that would always ache, but didn’t cripple anymore. I took a page out of Mikasa’s book and focused on the people I had with me here, now.

_Speaking of which…_

I pressed my fingers to my temples and rubbed.

Despite fantastic food and light banter between the four of us, I still hadn’t relaxed. Even after dinner, when Armin signed off and Levi and Mikasa continued chatting like old friends, I was more on edge than ever.

I’d finally made an excuse about wanted to watch the fireflies in order to excuse myself and go out on the back deck for some alone time. There’d been so many ups and downs in the short time we’d been here that I just wanted some space to myself to process it all.

“Eren, are you all right?” I startled at the sound of my name, but calmed instantly. Mikasa had always been able to sneak up on me like this. The familiarity of the routine was comforting, even if I wasn’t exactly pleased to have company right now.

_How long have I even been out here?_

I didn’t know.

“Eren?” I flicked my eyes over to her profile, belatedly realizing I hadn’t answered her, which probably was just as good of an answer.

No use hiding it now.

“I don’t know,” I sighed.

Mikasa was patient.

I glanced behind me.

“Where’s Levi?”

“He went to the bathroom.”

It would be a while then. Even so, I checked behind me one more time, and lowered my voice as a precaution. It still took me a beat to gather enough nerve to speak.

“I think I love him, Mikasa.”

“You do.”

The impulse to laugh came over me, but I bottled it up along with the sharp pang that zapped through my chest. Since everyone else could see it, of course Mikasa did, too.

“I—I’m just… conflicted, is all.”

“About telling him?”

Agitation crackled under my skin. My fingers twitched.

“No, it’s not—” I glanced behind me again, lowered my voice again, “It’s not that.”

Mikasa looked at me dubiously.

The buzz in my veins grew stronger. I needed to leave. I didn’t want to have this conversation after all. I didn’t even know what this conversation was.

I turned back to the doors.

“Eren,” she called after me.

I ignored her. I couldn’t get away fast enough. I threw the door open and let it fall back shut with a slam, my momentum carrying me forward blindly. I only just managed to halt myself in time to not run Levi over.

“Shit, Eren,” he yelped. I quickly composed my face, but not fast enough. Levi’s hand caught my arm. “What’s wrong?”

 _Damn it._ I quickly flashed a suggestive smile, hoping he’d buy it. I wasn’t a great actor, but lust and anger were easy to conjure and masked other emotions well. “Nothing. Just eager to get going.” I let my fingers graze his hip. His eyes flashed.

“Oh? Well do not be an asshole to your sister because of it. At least thank her, you brat.”

His words hit home and I averted my eyes, feeling properly chastised. Mikasa had made an amazing dinner and none of what I was feeling was her fault. She didn’t deserve to have me take my insecurities out on her. Levi began to walk back inside. I watched him.

I just wished I could understand _what_ I was feeling. Even if this trip hadn’t been perfect, things weren’t even close to being _bad_ between us. Last night had been amazing. I loved Levi, so why was I feeling panicked? I hadn’t felt so out of whack since…

Since Jean.

My breathing grew a little shallower as I realized why this felt so familiar… and so unpleasant.

This was the uncertainty that had marked every day of the last year I spent with Jean.

A chill blossomed in my gut and spread outward, numbing me. Bile rose in the back of my throat.

_No._

Levi and I weren’t like that. We wouldn’t end like that. Levi wasn’t Jean; I was a different person now, too. We had a different relationship. This wasn’t that.

_So why do you feel this way?_

I did an about-face and found Mikasa just opening the door to come back inside. I spoke quickly and softly, before she could say anything first.

“I’m sorry. I’m just wound up. We can talk about it some other time. But thank you… for everything. You’re a really good cook, and I’ve missed you.”

Mikasa wrapped her arms around me and gave me a short squeeze. She glanced over my shoulder, and kept her voice just as quiet.

“I’m always here for you, Eren. Levi’s a good guy,” My eyebrows raised at that particular admission, but she ignored me, “but I’m in your corner. If you want to talk, I’m here. I’m sorry for prying.”

I shook my head, guilt pouring over the knotted concoction already stewing inside of me.

“I overreacted.”

Mikasa placed her hand on my shoulder. “You always do.”

“Hey!” I protested good-naturedly and shrugged her off. She gave me a little smile in return.

“Happy Birthday, Eren.” She straightened a little. “You can go on; I’ll be right back.” I raised one eyebrow and watched after her for a second, but did as she suggested and walked back to the entryway of the house, where Levi was leaning against the wall next to the door.

“Where did your sister go?”

“I don’t know. She said she’d be right back.” I looked Levi over once, for the first time noticing how nice he looked in his round-necked green sweater. I reached out to touch the fabric, and found its delicate weave exceedingly soft. I peered down into his eyes, which were bright and focused. It sent a little thrill through me, dislodging some of my anxiety and fueling some genuine interest in what I’d suggested earlier. My fingers flexed on Levi’s bicep, tugging at the downy fibers. He inclined himself to me, just a little.

Light footsteps started down the hall and grew closer, prompting Levi to pull away and me to turn around. Mikasa returned with a flat, neatly wrapped, box in her hands. I grinned.

“Present?”

“Well it is your birthday,” she pointed out flatly. I took the box with one hand and began examining it. I knew better than to try and open it, however. Mikasa didn’t like to be given too much attention for gifts, nor did she appreciate witnessing people open them, lest they feel obligated to fawn over something unnecessarily. She liked honesty, and felt there was less pressure when presents were opened privately.

“Thanks, Mikasa.” I gave her one more hug. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

She nodded once at me, and again at Levi, then opened the door for us both.

“Drive safely.”

~~~

As soon as the door to our hotel room shut, I had Levi up against it.

Or, rather, that was how I wished things had played out.

As it was, I was too worried about aggravating Levi’s ankle to be too rough with him right now. After spending the short car ride back thinking of ways to relieve my pent up frustration with Levi, however, part of me wanted to disregard that and do it anyway.

Instead, I took Levi’s hand in mine, gripping it firmly and led him over to the bed slowly. I met his eyes, knowing my own displayed what I was after clearly, and shoved, delighting in the flash of shock that passed over his face as he hit the mattress. The aggression felt good, adding fuel to the fire blazing to life inside of me.

Everything Levi and I had done up to this point had been so sweet and slow. While those times were good, it wasn’t what I wanted right now. I wanted to _fuck_.

Something itched at the back of my mind. I ignored it. I didn’t want to think right now.

I wanted to feel.

I planted myself over Levi, caging him against the mattress. The air between us was different than it had been any other time we had been in a similar position.

Levi’s pupils were blown, his breathing quickening. When I pressed myself against him, I could feel him, already hard.

I licked my lips. He had alluded to wanting to finally go all the way on this trip, and I _ached_ for it. I’d told him sex was a perk, and I meant it, but I wanted that sensation of being filled, of being fucked so hard I _couldn’t_ think anymore. I didn’t want to worry about where what I had with Levi was going. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to try to untangle the snarled mess my brain had turned into. I just wanted to _feel_.

A hand at the back of my head urged me downwards, and warm lips consumed mine. I lowered more of my weight onto Levi, burning at every place we connected for more. I reached down to the hem of his shirt and pulled, relieved when it came off without any awkward flailing.

I began to press my lips down his neck to his chest, where I lightly bit at one of his nipples, reveling in the tiny flinch it produced.

“Eren.”

“ _Hm?_ ” I moved back up his neck, suckling at a patch just below his jaw, feeling the slight scratch of stubble against my nose.

“Have you taken a shit?”

“What?” I raised to look at him. My mind felt a little cloudy, but I was pretty sure I’d heard that right.

“Do you need to take a dump, dumbass?”

I just stared.

That was the least sexy thing anyone had ever said to me.

“Why—why would you ask me that _now_ of all times?” I spluttered. Irritation at being interrupted for such a stupid question seeded itself in my veins. “You’re killing the mood.” I wasn’t kidding. I could feel myself soften a bit.

“No,” Levi, while clearly still aroused, looked unfathomably serious. “You want to know what kills a mood? You getting shit all over my dick. So your bowels better be crystal-fucking-clear.”

“You’ve got to be—” I closed my mouth. Took a breath. Tried to contain everything that had been brewing under the surface. I failed. Miserably. “Yes! Fuck, Levi, I’ve been gay for a while now, okay? This isn’t the first time I’ve taken it up the ass. Who the hell would let things get this far if they had to shit? Fuck.” Something deep and primal surged up from my center and flooded me, red and hot and seething; it sored past my head and began to drown me.

That was it. I was done. My libido had dried up and I was pissed to boot. I reached down to pull my pants back up—I didn’t even remember pulling them down—and started heading for the door before I’d even zipped them.

“Oi, where do you think you’re going?” Levi had no right to sound that irritated.

“Home.” I growled.

I didn’t even know where I meant by that. Mikasa’s? Trost?

My eyes burned, but I looked up and furiously suppressed the tears threatening to spill over.

“Brat,” he called after me.

I kept walking.

“Brat!”

I grabbed my jacket off the dresser.

“Eren.” His voice was suddenly soft, and finally, I stopped.

"What?" I snapped, turning to face him.

Levi stared at me blankly for a moment, his face drawn into a deeper frown than usual. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He was seriously trying my patience and I was just about to reach for the door again when he averted his eyes and finally spoke.

"Shit," he said, his eyes on the far corner to my left. "Look—” He took a long pause; restarted. “Eren, I've told you… I’m not good with shit like this. With… relationships. With messy things.” He scrubbed a hand against his undercut. “Sex is fucking messy. I know you're a big boy. As much of a shithead as you can be, I know you have _some_ sense. I… fuck." He sighed, and I felt the edge of my anger slowly being whittled down by his words, the heaviness of something else settling. He was trying, even though it clearly wasn't easy for him. "I'm not trying to belittle you. But the idea that I’m going to shove my dick up your anus is fucking disgusting, and even with a condom, I would seriously lose _my_ shit if you had any shit in there."

I couldn't help myself. I snorted a laugh. Shame colored my cheeks as hurt flashed over Levi’s features.

"Dammit, Eren!" He raised his voice, upset. "I wasn't trying to make a fucking pun! What I'm trying to say is just because I cope with my issues does not mean they are not there. And I'm… sorry if that makes me say things that piss you off. No one is making you stay here and deal with my shit. But brat," he said the pet name softly, intimately, and a strong pang of guilt shot through me, "even though the idea of fucking is gross, just like with kissing, it doesn't seem that way when it's with you. Hell, I want to fuck you. So you can walk out that door if you like, and I'll understand. But, Eren, I…” His speech jerked to a halt and he hedged before continuing, certain but laced with fragility, _“I want you_."

My feet were moving towards him before I was consciously aware of it, my jacket tossed aside. I was such a dick. His words weren't suave or charming or any of those things that typically drew a person in, but they were _him_. They were undeniably genuine, and I knew he had thrown away his pride to say such things to me.

I was ashamed that I had pushed him to this. He was being vulnerable, he was communicating, and I just threw a tantrum like a child because I couldn’t shake the irrational fear that somehow, our relationship was going to end up like the one I had with Jean. Which it _would_ if I stayed on this path.

I was acting like an ass—almost walking out on him when I _knew_ about his issues and thought I'd accepted them.

A stone sank in my gut. My throat tightened to the point of pain.

I’m _acting like Jean._

Levi didn’t say the words, but he was pleading with me not to go. As if I could after he bared himself to me that way, saying he wanted me in that low and insistent voice. Tentatively, giving him time to reject me, I reached out and I pulled him to me in a chaste hug. He wrapped his arms around me instantly, and all at once the tension left my body, leaving me slumped in his embrace.

We were still for a few moments before I pulled back and gathered enough will to look into his eyes for what I had to say next. “I’m sorry, Levi.”

His eyes were softened by fondness as he looked back at me, all the awkwardness and hurt and hostility from a minute ago gone as he said, “Shitty brat,” and pulled my chin down to give me a gentle peck.

A tear spilled down my cheek, but was instantly wiped away.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again, wrapping my arms around him. I kissed him, slow and yearning, all the ire and aggression from earlier burnt out. I laid myself down beside him, pressed my face into the crook of his neck. “I didn’t mean any of that. I was a jerk.”

A sharp slap on my ass made me jolt. “Maybe I should spank you.” The arousal that had died down flashed back to life, but I held it down, uncertainty hanging in the air. I didn’t have the nerve to say anything back, and kept my face hidden.

He tilted his head into mine and ran a soothing hand down my hair. The knot in my gut had finally loosened again, but it felt different this time. I was lighter than I had been in days. I sighed into Levi’s skin.

“Sleep with me.”

His voice sounded muffled, but I heard him clearly. I still couldn’t believe my ears.

I lifted my head to look at him, and tripped over my tongue. “W-What?”

“Sleep with me,” he repeated.

I pulled my torso away from him slightly.

“L-Like go to sleep, o-or…” I could not stop my voice from shaking my words apart.

Levi did not speak, but answered me all the same, slipping a button of my shirt through its hole and sneaking me a breathtaking glance before going after the next one.

“You don’t—” Levi’s lips sealed over mine as he continued to blindly work my buttons, and my knees went weak. But I wasn’t putty in his hands, not after the shitstorm we’d both just been caught in.

“Levi,” his name came out breathily. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” His voice had gone husky and it made my blood rush south.

“But—” I’d— _he’d_ just—said a lot of stuff. I didn’t want this to be something we did in the heat of the moment. Some kind of make-up sex or something.

I didn’t want Levi to regret this.

A cool hand on my face quieted me.

“I wanted to do this tonight, Eren.” Under my hands, Levi was rigid. His voice was too carefully controlled. A few months ago I would have missed the signs, but now his body language screamed ‘nervous’ to me. “I know the mood has gone to shit, but…” He pulled back, just a fraction. I didn’t permit the distance, and as I held him, Levi’s words from our first day here came back to me, _“We will fight. It will be shit. But it will only stay shit if you pull something like this and do not say anything. So say something_. _”_

I could almost laugh at how quickly our first real fight had come after those words, but I held back, not wanting to cause further misunderstandings.

“I want you, too, Levi.” He looked at me in surprise for a moment, and then his features melted into tenderness that stirred a whirlwind of emotion in my chest. “But a lot just happened, and I want this to be right.” Levi’s other hand moved to join its counterpart in cupping my face and quieted me once more.

“I know you have had too much shit on your mind lately, Eren. You were just an ass but…” A hint of a smile passed over his lips. “You are my ass. And I have not changed my mind.”

I licked my lips, wanting and hard, but still unsure.

Levi removed one of his hands from my face to grab mine and place it on his crotch, a little nudge letting me know he wasn’t lying about his interest.

Levi’s beautiful gray-blue irises searched my eyes. “Can I?”

I gave a shuddering sigh, and nodded once.

Levi brushed a thumb over my face, rose, and walked over to his travel case, limp almost unnoticeable.

“How’s your leg?”

He straightened, returning with lube, a condom, rubber gloves, and a towel, smiling. The very sight of the first objects sent more blood to my groin. I didn’t question the latter two. “Good enough.”

This time, he was the one to crawl over me, quickly finishing what he had started earlier, divesting me of my short-sleeved button-up, and pulling my pants back down. He’d never put a shirt back on, and quickly got rid of his pants, as well.

“Wait,” he muttered. I froze, but Levi just shook his head and got off the bed, offering me his hand. I took it, confused when he pulled me off, too. A moment later, I understood as he pulled the comforter back, and resettled.

“Anything else?” I probed, now afraid of crossing one of his lines and throwing everything off track once more. A shot of panic hit me. “Don’t I need to shower or something?”

“This doesn’t require one.”

I ignored the fraction of my conscious that wanted to triple-check that fact and took Levi at his word, since the cool hand circling my dick was rapidly diminishing my capacity for thought.

“Fuck!” I flinched away and caught Levi’s eyes. He looked about as shocked as I was, though his was probably in response to my reaction. “ _Fuck_ , your hands are cold,” I exclaimed. I was used to lube feeling a little chill, and had even gotten accustomed to the shock of Levi’s hands on my cock, but slathered over Levi’s fingers the lube felt like he had just pulled it from the refrigerator.

Levi turned his face away, an unexpected but endearing light pink dusting his cheeks. He muttered disjointedly, “It’s… been a while. Since I’ve… I forgot.”

As uncomfortable as I could see he was, I couldn’t help grinning at him. It was cute. I reached over to take the bottle of lube for myself and handed him the towel. He peered up through his eyelashes, I leaned down to peck him on the lips.

“Here.” I dangled the bottle between my fingers, and smiled. “Let me.”

I went through the familiar motions of coating my fingers, massaging my anus, and slipping two fingers in. I bit my lip, cock responding to the slight stretch even if it didn’t feel like much yet. Years of fingering myself had firmly linked this sensation with orgasm, and I was already anticipating the fullness Levi’s girth would bring me.

I shifted a little so I could press my fingers in just a little deeper, probing with my middle finger until…

 _There_.

A high whine leaked past my lips as I stimulated my prostate, eyes drooping closed. A soft groan had me snapping them back open, and being treated to the sight of Levi stroking himself, eyes hazy, hungry.

I forced myself to stop indulging in the thrumming thrills my middle finger was giving me, and refocused on stretching myself. I took longer than I usually did, being careful in my thoroughness, knowing Levi would not accept any cut corners when it came to this.

When I finally pulled my fingers out, Levi was on me in an instant, first grabbing my hand and squirting some hand sanitizer—that he had fucking materialized—onto the hand that had been playing with my ass, then stretching himself over me, nipping at my lips, gripping at skin, _devouring_ me.

It stopped as suddenly as it had begun, and I laid there, breathless and dazed, unable to think of anything except I wanted Levi back, wanted more of his touch wanted—

Something warm and blunt nudged at my anus, and I moaned. I looked up, searching out Levi’s face, abruptly very aware that this was happening, Levi and I were finally crossing this line. It wasn’t perfect. It was, as Levi had put it, ‘fucking messy’ and awkward. But we had worked past those things, and I wanted to take this in.

Levi pressed forward, my breath hitched. Agonizingly slow, he moved, eyelids fluttering, lips parted. As he bottomed out, the stretch balanced on the edge of painful, and held there. I groaned. It had been so long since I last had sex. I couldn’t hold back the sounds that bubbled from my throat as Levi began to move—short, sharp thrusts that barely grazed my prostate and sent flashes of pleasure coursing through my center.

I met Levi’s eyes once more, just as he pistoned his hips again, driving a barely cut-off cry from my lips.

_“Nnngh!”_

Levi echoed my own pleasure, and on his next thrust I squeezed down on him. His nostrils flared, he picked up the pace. I gasped. Worked my mouth, couldn’t produce anything. Tried again.

 _“Levi.”_ I tried to lift myself up, to get myself closer, but he splayed one hand against my chest, holding me down, and wrapped his hand around my shaft.

I tilted my head back, electric sensations leaving my nerves tingling, everything building, throbbing, climbing…

I heard him whisper my name.

I was going to come.

The hand on my chest slid upwards and tangled in my hair, tugging.

 _“Levi_ ,” I gasped again, voice saturated with pleasure. “I’m— _I’m—_ ” There was no finishing that sentence as Levi drove deep and ground angst my prostate. A punch of pleasure blossomed and went straight to my cock, and I keened. Release, strong and all-encompassing, narrowed my world to sensation.

I went limp on the bed, Levi hovering on his elbows over me. I looked at him—sweaty, chest heaving, hair stringy… _He’s so beautiful._

“What?” Levi panted.

I promptly felt my cheeks grow warm again. Levi chuckled, pecked my cheek, pulled out.

I frowned. “Waddaboutou?” I slurred.

Somehow, Levi understood me.

“You think I lasted through that?” He laughed in earnest now, then kissed me, long but sweet. “I’m as spent as you, kid.”

I smiled, the nickname, for once, not grating. I pleaded for another kiss, which he lazily indulged me in before turning to business.

“Now help me clean up.”

I threw an arm over my eyes and groaned, but eventually obeyed, letting Levi shower while I changed the sheets (he had been quite serious about being prepared). I slumped into the desk chair afterwards, and dozed until Levi’s towel snapping at my chest startled me awake.

I remained half asleep through my night-time ablutions, going through them automatically until the fog cleared from the mirror. I studied my face in the mirror, wondering what I had looked like to Levi. I lifted a hand and rubbed the end of one damp clump of hair between my fingers, shivering as I remembered how he had pulled at it earlier. I had forgotten how much I liked that.

 _I definitely can’t cut it now_.

I closed my eyes, playing back the memory moment by moment, grunting at the little thrill that traveled through me.

I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to get worked up again. I was tired, and more than anything, I just wanted to curl up with my boyfriend.

I gave one last half smile to the mirror, and flicked off the lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you happen to find an extra typo of mine, please point it out to me!!
> 
> If you dare find me on tumblr: [ resmiranda13. ](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I track STTOFTB if you want to follow updates and/or tag something related to the fic. I also track resmiranda13 if you want me to see something.
> 
> See you all next chapter!


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren resolves some things and good times are had with friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna hear something crazy? This story is finished.
> 
> Yep. I have the last two chapters written. I was in shock when I realized it. I'm still working on the aside, though. The last true chapter will be out shortly. The epilogue will come out with the aside, likely at the end of the month.
> 
> We're not quite at the end yet, but I just wanted to thank everyone who has come on this wild ride with me. Every hit, kudos, bookmark, comment, and subscription have meant so much to me. You all inspired me to keep going. Thank you. <3
> 
> All my thanks to the awesome [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/) for betaing once again!

“Eren!” Hanji’s voice was a sing-song of enticement. “Would you like some _fresh baked_ tortilla chips?”

I took a deep breath in an attempt to keep my cool. Ever since Hanji had learned I had ‘some sort of hatred’ for tortilla chips, she’d taken to performing various experiments to determine the ‘precise nature’ of that hatred. I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but it was getting on my last fucking nerve. She knew it, too.

I gritted my teeth and ignored her.

“Hanji, maybe you should give him a break,” Armin suggested from my right, an edge of nervousness in his voice.

Hanji grinned wolfishly. Light flashed over the lenses of her glasses as she tilted her head. She spoke feverishly. “But this is a new reaction! You’re interfering with the results, Armin.”

With uncanny timing—that in the last couple of months I’d learned was actually commonplace—Moblit came to my rescue. Hanji sensed him before he even spoke. “Dear,” he placed one hand on Hanji’s shoulder as she turned into him. “Mike’s asking after you for something.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, and then us, but after a long moment her shoulders sagged and she allowed Moblit to lead her into the kitchen, though not before trilling the promise, “I’ll be back.”

I shuddered and put my head down on the bar, my arms crossed underneath for cushioning.

Armin patted my shoulder. I rubbed my face against my arms.

“When’s Levi going to get here?” I whined.

Armin snickered softly. “You would know better than I would.”

I shifted so I could peer up at him with one eye. “You were with him last.”

“Yes, but _I’m_ not the one he texts every time he takes a break.”

I mumbled things that weren’t even intelligible to me and returned to the meager shelter my arms provided to hide my smile.

In the last few months, things between us had smoothed out immensely. Or rather, we were getting better at communicating all the time, largely because Levi’s steady presence had slowly diminished the fear that I was going to wind up getting hurt again. Being left again.

Though Levi’s work had picked up recently, he continued to make time to have lunch with me once or twice a month, and sometimes Petra and Oluo joined us—it turned out that Oluo had asked her out for the millionth time on Valentine’s Day. She told him to ask her the next day, and then said yes.

A poke in my arm drew me out of my musings.

“Eren, stop being dramatic because your boyfriend isn’t here to protect you. Hanji orchestrated this just for you two and I know you’re excited. We haven’t seen half these people in months.”

I smiled to myself. He was correct, of course. At least about me being excited. I hadn’t seen most of my friends since Christmas. Annie and I got together for some sparring occasionally, Armin and I always saw one another, and Sasha had a habit of Snapchatting food she was eating to everyone, but I’d been out of touch with the others for a while. I tried texting Reiner at one point for an update on him and Bert, but he was notoriously bad at texting and hadn’t gotten back to me other than to say, ‘Dude.’ Which I had no clue how to interpret. My follow up texts never got a reply. I was kind of worried what state I might find either of them in today, assuming they were both still coming.

Hanji coordinating this all was only half true. At first this gathering was supposed to be one last big get together for all of my friends before things picked up in the fall.  We had painstakingly selected a date that had fit with all of our schedules. It was only upon my arrival today that I learned Hanji had set up a meeting for her and Levi’s friends, and not-so-subtly reserved long tables for us right across from one another. I appreciated the gesture, since aside from Levi and I being a couple, and Armin having a work relationship with him and a handful of his friends, our friend groups had no reason to mingle.

I lightly kicked Armin in the leg.

“Want to go to our table before everyone starts showing up?”

The melodic synth of Armin’s cell began to play and his eyes moved downwards as he tried to fish his phone out of his pocket. He only gave it a cursory glance before accepting it. “Hello? Yes. Oh, yeah. Just a moment, please.” Armin gave an apologetic look to my inquiring one and made for the bar’s entrance.

Mike appeared from around the doorway leading back into the kitchen and nodded at me before snatching a bottle of tequila and giving it a long sniff. He smirked to himself before turning right around and heading back to where he came from.

I shook my head fondly. Mike was taciturn, but now that I had learned to read him a little better, I really enjoyed him. Still had no fucking clue what that smelling thing was about, though.

“Hey, Yeager.”

My heart lurched and jerked to a stop. I took one steadying breath and re-centered myself in the present. Distantly, a part of me wondered if hearing that familiar intonation of my name would ever cease to evoke a reaction as I turned to the familiar sandy hair and honey-brown eyes.

“Hey, Kirstein.” A flicker of a smile passed over his lips, and I found myself mirroring it. Jean pulled out the stool to my left and sat, legs hanging apart comfortably.

I studied him as he gazed down at the bar, the atmosphere a little uncomfortable, but without the negative charge we’d seemed incapable of escaping for so long. I’d seen him twice at Starbucks since the first time Levi and I ran into him there, but I’d largely been avoiding the place and frequenting a local stand instead.

Now that he was in front of me, though, I took the opportunity to really look at him, no particular emotion clouding my vision. If I was really honest with myself, he looked good. The long, curving planes of his face were clean-shaven and the bags that had chronically been underneath his eyes since college were considerably less pronounced. His shoulders seemed to carry less tension, and he was neatly dressed in light skinny jeans and a short-sleeved plaid snap-up shirt, the first couple of snaps undone. He looked… fuller, somehow. Maybe he had put on a little bit of muscle.

 _Shit, when was the last time I even really_ saw _him?_

A stone dropped in my stomach as, for the first time, I considered that maybe he had been just as miserable as I had been.

The silence went on just a little too long, and I automatically groped to fill it.

“So… how have you been?” A completely normal question, yet somehow I felt like an idiot asking it.

Jean flashed another soft smile. “Not bad. Being manager is not a bad gig. I moved a few weeks ago, you know.” Jean’s pride was palpable, but it sent another pang through me. Not that it mattered anymore, but there was just something about him moving out of the place we made so many memories in, piece of shit though it was.

I guessed we really were getting older.

Jean must have seen something in my expression, or just couldn’t keep up appearances any longer, and I watched his face fall into something much more serious. It looked odd on his face.

“Listen, Yeager.” I fought the nervous urge to bring my hand to my mouth and nibble on my skin. I hated this hesitant version of Jean. It was made all the worse by how he somehow managed to remain intense even when unsure. “I’ve got something I need to say to you. It’s been bothering me.”

Unconsciously, I had leaned away from Jean. I could feel my defenses rising in preparation for whatever he was going to say.

“I’m sorry.”

_What?_

I immediately knew that hadn’t stayed in my head and winced, my eyes dropping to the floor next to Jean’s stool. The wood underneath was worn. One board looked like it had lost a chunky splinter of wood a long time ago.

“Eren,” Jean’s fingers appeared in my periphery, fingers splayed and stretching for my knee, but they stopped inches short. I swallowed my mortification and met his eyes again. His hand remained hovering in the air between us. “I’m sorry.”

For a moment, my chest was too tight for me to breathe. Nothing moved; I heard no sound. Then, all at once, everything started moving again. Sound crashed against my ear drums, Jean dropped his hand, my muscles liquefied.

My chest ached, but something much deeper soothed it. I smiled, just a little.

It was like that one small sign of acceptance cracked a dam. “I never manned up and said that to you, and I just kept ignoring it, but it didn’t go away. So I’m sorry. For everything. For being a shit boyfriend. For being a shit _friend_.” He took a deep breath. “For… For hurting you.” We watched one another for a little while. “I fucked up and I regret that.” His brow furrowed and he looked down. “Actually, I regret a lot of things, but never mind that.” We both chuckled. His eyes peered up through his eyelashes and his fingers toyed with the seam of his jacket. “I—I’m happy you’re happy.” Jean’s smile was soft and a little sad, but I could tell he meant it.

“I want you to be happy, too, Jean.”

I straightened a little, surprised by how much I meant those words. A part of me would always be disappointed we didn’t work out, but I wanted him to find something else, something better, like I had. The bitterness was finally gone.

Jean was beet red. I found myself smiling, sensing an opportunity and fully intending to take it. “There’s actually… There’s someone I’m interested in.” Jean shifted uncomfortably and tugged on the edge of his coat a little harder. “But I’m not sure I’m ready to date again yet.”

Half of me got that, and wanted to respect that. The side of me that wanted to give Jean shit over this was much stronger, however. I grinned and trilled. “Someone’s got a crush.”

Jean’s flush spread down his neck. “Shut the fuck up, Yeager!”

“Who? Someone I know? Cute barista? Give me something.”

Jean promptly hopped off his stool. “Cut it out!” He punched my arm lightly. Neither of us had attempted casual contact since our breakup. It felt nice. Right.

“Fine, fine.” I smiled. He smiled back.

The squeak of the door and chatter of voices broke and redirected our focus to the front of the bar, where several familiar figures were pouring in, only one catching me off-guard. “What’s Marco doing here?” I instinctively looked for Armin before remembering that he had taken a phone call outside. Before I could get too caught up in that line of thought, however, I saw my favorite person walk through the door, and promptly forgot whatever I was thinking about before.

I stood and started walking forward, belatedly realizing Jean was still next to me… and still very red. This was now paired with his mouth gaping slightly. He looked ridiculous.

“Waiting for a carrot, Shadowfax?”

Jean’s mouth snapped shut and rounded on me. “I fucking swear, Yeager,” he hissed, “if you say one word about that while—”

His lips sealed right as I felt an arm wrap around my waist. I turned into the familiar hold, dipping my head to press a firm kiss against waiting lips. One of the things I’d learned in the last few months was that Levi was actually very receptive to public affection… as long as it wasn’t during business hours or in front of a lot of people. When it came to people he knew, he seemed to enjoy it a little too much. I loved it.

“You’re here!” I chirped.

Levi rolled his eyes at me, but didn’t try to pull away. “No shit.”

“Eren!” Another arm partially landed across my shoulders. “Man, you look good! How have you been?”

I turned to my other side to look down at Connie. _Has he always been this short?_ “Hey! It’s been a while. I’ve been good.” The words were the automatic regurgitation of expected niceties, but I meant them. Even since that weekend Levi and I spent with Mikasa, where we finally seemed to get everything out in the open (or at least became willing to go there when things came up), we had both finally relaxed into one another, in more ways than one. I was happier than I’d been in a long time, and I felt something I had never quite known before as an adult—stable. So, yes, I was good. “How are you?”

Connie shook his head and expressed ruefully, “I’m starting to feel old, dude. When did I become old enough for people to start settling down and having kids?”

“Who’s having kids?” A sharp and familiar voice barked from behind me. Between the two guys on either side of me, I couldn’t do much in the way of moving to look, but Ymir and Krista came into view.

A smile slid across my face. “Hey! I haven’t seen you two in forever!”

Ymir cracked her usual sly grin. “‘Sup Yeager?”

“I wouldn’t mind kids.”

Ymir’s face warped from dry amusement to abject horror at light speed. Krista laughed.

“Don’t worry.” She rubbed Ymir’s arm soothingly. “I want to be married for a least a few years before we think about kids.”

Ymir did not look remotely comforted. Something flashed and caught my eye.

_Shit! Is that a ring?_

Suddenly everyone’s eyes were on me.

My hand flew over my mouth.

“Nice to see you still word-vomit, Yeager,” Ymir drawled. “Don’t you check Facebook?”

I tried to remember the last time I had scrolled through my feed. Generally, I only got on to wish people happy birthday. Honestly, I’d been spending less time on my phone lately. Levi and I were spending more nights together than alone, and I didn’t feel the same compulsion to spend time on my phone with him that I did when I was alone or with other people.

“Wait, when did this happen?” Even if I had missed the Facebook announcement, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t heard anyone talking about this. _Armin_ at least should have said something.

Levi snorted a laugh. “How the fuck did you miss this shit?”

I twisted in his hold, appalled, “Even you knew? Why did no one _say anything?_ ”

Now Levi was looking at me like he was concerned for my sanity, which concerned me, since my stupid shit didn’t phase him easily.

“We did. Armin and I were talking about this yesterday. You were standing right there.”

“What? No you—” I stopped, scouring over my memory of coming home to Levi and Armin talking in the kitchen. Levi was in a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up just past his elbows. A little hint of his bicep was peeking out on each side and I imagined that the fabric would pull a little too tight when he bent his arms. I had thought about those same arms, pinning me down, Levi’s face hovering over mine…

Well, that explained it.

I could feel the flush on my cheeks and tried to untangle myself from Levi’s side. I had no way to explain my lack of attention that would make the situation any better. “I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Obviously.”

Raucous laughter erupted from Ymir. She doubled over, clutching her gut. Krista watched Ymir lose it and snickered herself. Connie shook his head, all too understanding of the situation I was in.

“Fuck, Yeager, you better keep this one. This little guy is hilarious.”

I snapped my attention to said ‘little guy’ who had raised his eyebrow sharply, but wasn’t actively trying to take a shot at my friend for that one.

Maybe if I ignored it confrontation could be avoided. “I haven’t driven him off yet.”

Levi’s arm brushed gently against mine. “Not for lack of trying.”

“Hey!” I protested, minorly offended. I had been working quite hard on my issues—we both had. Even as a joke, it hit a little too close to that primal fear that had driven just a few months earlier in our relationship.

Levi seemed to sense my shift in mood because his fingers trailed along my palm a second later, silently requesting. I wiggled our digits together snugly and let the hurt melt away as the familiar sensation of his cool skin drawing the heat out of my hands settled in. I pulled him a little closer and wrapped my other hand around the backs of his fingers. Levi relaxed by the tiniest fraction.

“I hear that.” Ymir’s smile had softened considerably, in a way it only did when she looked into Krista’s eyes. She leaned down and the two shared a soft peck. For the first time in a couple of years, I found myself able to watch the sight without a sickening pool of jealously dragging me under. I didn’t have to want what they had anymore. I had my own thing. I smiled down at the top of Levi’s head.

“Fucking hell guys, I’m gonna puke!” Connie shouted, startling me out of my examination of Levi’s silky hair. I felt a twinge of guilt. After all, I knew his position too well.

“Sorry, man,” I offered.

Connie waved us off, good-natured grin already back on his face. “Nah, it’s good to see my friends happy. But if it’s all the same to you, I’m gonna go sit down and make sure Sasha doesn’t eat all of the appetizers before anyone else gets here.”

I felt Levi chuckle, but the rest of us knew that scenario was too real of a possibility to laugh. I tracked Connie for a minute, seeing that Sasha, indeed, had arrived, as had, to my happiness and relief, Bertolt and Reiner. Armin, Marco, and Jean had also made their way over to the tables.

“Want to go sit with your other shitty friends?” I snorted, glancing at my friends with less apology than I maybe should have, and nodded. “Lead the way, brat.”

I heard Ymir snicker, but I ignored her, doing as Levi suggested and winding my way through the maze of tables to the ones lined up at the back. As we drew near, I noted that Bertolt and Reiner were standing close to one another. That had to be a good sign. I waved. Reiner, Bert, and Marco waved back.

“Hello,” Marco welcomed us with a smile.

“See you brought your boy toy.” Reiner wiggled his eyebrows. Armin snickered, Bertolt elbowed him, causing Reiner to rub the spot exaggeratedly before giving us his own soft greeting.

“Hey, brats,” Levi hailed.

I swiveled on him, frowning. “I thought I was your only brat.”

Levi didn’t miss a beat. “You were. And then you introduced me to all your bratty friends.”

Jean scowled, but Armin was definitely concealing a smile, and Reiner outright laughed. “Ouch.”

“How are you, Eren?” Marco spoke up again. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, I hardly see you around anymore. Are you still working with Armin?”

Marco’s smile turned secretive and he glanced at Levi. “Classified information.”

The outrage that rose up in me was quashed by suspicion. I turned to my boyfriend. “Seriously?”

He dispelled any further doubt flatly, “No.”

“Aw, Levi,” Marco complained good-naturedly.

“Do you even know the meaning of the word ‘fun’?” Jean bit out.

I turned sharp eyes on him, but he was already red, eyes averted to Marco’s shoulder. He mumbled something that, apparently, only Marco heard.

“They can’t hear you, Jean.” Jean’s face grew a couple shades darker, but he raised his voice. “Sorry. That just… slipped. Reflex.”

He looked so uncomfortable I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

Levi bumped his shoulder into mine gently. “Where do you want to sit?”

I hummed in contemplation. “Maybe on the inside and toward the middle so you can be closer to your friends?”

He nodded once and marched around the end of the table, right to the seats that Reiner and Bertolt would probably take, assuming they sat down. That left Marco seated at the end, with Jean and Armin standing around him, re-engaged in some conversation they had been having before we came over. I took the opportunity to ask Levi the question that had been tugging at the edge of my mind.

I leaned over, first pressing a kiss to his temple, then speaking and quietly as I could, “What’s Marco doing here?” I pulled away a bit so I could look at him and rapidly clarify, “Not that I mind having him here or anything. I just didn’t think anyone was that close to him?” I was beginning to wish I had not spoken at all. This was sounding worse by the second.

Levi, however, was poker-faced, showing no reaction to my floundering whatsoever. Not that this was surprising at this point in our relationship, but it was a little extreme, even for him. I could feel my brow cinching.

“What?”

Something flashed in Levi’s eyes—conflict? Sometimes it was hard to tell the difference between that and incandescent lighting.

“Hey Mike!” I startled, not having a fucking clue as to when he showed up right behind me.

“Can we get a fucking quesadilla or something? I am fucking hungry.” Mike smirked somewhat disturbingly, but nodded and headed back toward the kitchen.

I eyeballed Levi. That was suspiciously odd, even for him. _Did something happen at work?_  “Levi… Are you alright?”

He raised one eyebrow at me again. “I’m fine, other than my stomach trying to eat itself.”

I examined his face carefully, trying to distinguish a lie encoded in his features. While I couldn’t notice anything off in his expression, something instinctual still nagged at me. Levi reached over to cup my face between his palms, his thumb tugging one corner of my lips upward.

“Stop fussing, kid. You look better when you’re smiling.” The butterflies stirred to life in my stomach. They were much less common now, but certainly not altogether gone yet. I had grown to enjoy their appearance. The edge of nervousness mixed with pleasure a warm, happy, concoction now, rather than the miserable paranoid swarm from a few months previous. I smiled, just a little, so that the cold pad of Levi’s thumb was no longer doing any work, just resting over my lips. I still wasn’t convinced he was totally fine, but I tried my best to kiss his fingertip, and decided to let it be for now. If there was something, it really didn’t seem to be bothering him that much.

The scraping of chair legs against the floor drew our attention away from one another.

“Erwin.”

I looked up to where Erwin was sinking down into the chair next to Levi, and then back to my partner, who had yet to turn around. _How does he fucking do that?_

“Levi,” he returned with a grin. Levi finally turned around and Erwin leaned forward to make eye contact with me. “Eren. How are you? Oh!” He held up a hand, twisted to dig in one of his pockets, and procured a pair of sunglasses a second later. “I believe you left these at my house the other night.”

I perked up at the sight of them, stretching across Levi to accept them. “Thanks! I thought I lost them and was really disappointed.”

Levi shook his head. “Isn’t that the third time you have left something at his place? If I did not fucking know you two shitheads better, I might be concerned.”

Erwin chuckled. “As cute as Eren is, he’s all yours.” Erwin winked at me. I froze and flushed, but thankfully he didn’t notice my awkwardness level skyrocket, his attention immediately went back to Levi, who looked akin to a cat who had been pet the wrong way. I sniggered at the thought of Levi’s hair ruffled, flipped over the top of his head, eyes still burning a hole through Erwin from in between the strands.

“Erwin, what’d’ya do this time?” Gunther asked as he pulled up a seat across from him, Erd taking the chair in front of Levi. I was surprised to find that somewhere in the last minute or two, Armin had placed himself across me, Jean now in between him and Marco.

“Just reassuring Levi that I’m not after his cute boyfriend.”

I could see Levi’s jaw muscles flexing. Part of me wondered how Erwin had managed to survive this long.

Gunther’s smile turned a bit wolfish. “Well, you’re right about him being cute.” I was beginning to believe Mike could turn off the stovetops and just use my face to cook the food. Erd slapped Gunther’s arm with the back of his hand.

“Cut it out. Poor kid looks like he’s about to explode.”

I folded my arms on the table and pressed my face into them. It wasn’t like it could get worse anyway. I felt Armin pat my arm.

“Look, you’re not helping either!”

“Can you two stop bickering like an old married couple; your wives are going to get jealous.”

I raised my head at the familiar voice, feeling foolish for not placing it immediately when I saw Farlan at the end of the table, a tuft of Isabelle’s hair barely visible behind him.

“Actually, I think they enjoy it,” Erd commented.

“A little too much, if you ask me,” Gunther petulantly agreed.

With the attention, thankfully, diverted from me, I caught Armin’s eye. “Everything okay?”

“Hm?” He raised both eyebrows and his head tilted to the side. “Oh! The phone call?” I nodded. “Yeah, it was just someone I contacted for fact-checking on the collab with Marco getting back to me.”

“So you _are_ still working on it!”

“Huh?”

“Marco—You know what; never mind.”

Armin tilted his head in the other direction, reminding me of an attentive dog. “Actually…” I glanced around, finding that Reiner had vanished and Jean, Marco, and Bertolt were in a conversation that was hopefully distracting. I kept my voice low just in case. “Did you invite Marco?”

Armin’s brows drew together. “No?” Armin looked minorly concerned. He bent further over the table and kept glancing nervously over his shoulder at Jean, who remained merrily oblivious. “Is there a problem?”

I shook my head. “No, it’s just that I know he’s your friend, but I didn’t think anyone else here really knew him? He’s really nice and everything, I just wasn’t sure why he was here.”

Armin’s lips formed a tiny “oh” of understanding, and he spared a longer glance to his left this time. “Eren…” he trailed off, eyes still watching Marco. Or Jean. It was kind of hard to tell which one… _Oh._

The wave of understanding crashed over me so hard I couldn’t find footing for a thought. I could see it so clearly, now. The way Jean and Marco leaned in toward one another, the way Jean hung on his every word, the subtle upturn to his lips that wouldn’t quite leave.

 _It’s Marco_.

Something clenched around my heart, then released. And I was surprised to find myself… happy. Really happy. Even if Jean wasn’t ready to date, he was going to be okay. I blindly stretched out my left hand until I found Levi’s thigh, letting my it rest there. I returned my focus to Armin, even as I sensed Levi shift to look at me.

 _I_ was okay. After a long, hard, fall, we both were okay.

And I was in love again.

Armin was looking at me, a mixed expression on his face. “Are you alright, Eren?”

The small curve of my lips grew. “I’m great, Armin.”

A confused sort of relief washed over his features, clearly believing me, but probably perplexed about _why_. I gave the slightest of nods in Levi’s direction and then allowed myself to grin like a loon. Armin’s eyes grew warm to the point of dancing, something that typically only happened when talking about a new idea he had, or some interesting bit of history he’d learned, or a really good book he’d found.

A crash from the opposite end of the table had us both whipping our heads around, Mike was standing at the end of the table behind me, eyes wide, one arm bent elbow-down with his hand up in the air, but otherwise as stoic as ever. There were a lot more people at the other table now—mostly Levi’s people, with Ymir and Krista among them—but nothing seemed out of place from what I could tell.

I squeezed Levi’s leg to get his attention. “What happened?”

“Bat-Shit Crazy For Food flew at Mike like a fucking flying squirrel and nabbed the tray right out of his damn hands.” He reported it like he was telling me about someone doing an everyday stupid activity like running a red light, not a person attacking one of his best friends over a cheese-filled tortilla.

“SASHA NO!” Connie roared from several strides away. “I swear to—” He dramatically pressed a hand to his forehead. “I leave you for _two minutes_ to take a piss, and this happens? I swear woman, how do you function without me?” Connie marched over and extended a hand to, presumably, Sasha, who popped up a second later, half a quesadilla hanging out of her mouth. Connie snatched it, to a loud squawk of complaint, and shoveled a good fourth of it in his mouth. “Ah eash eve um or ee!” He complained while he chewed.

Levi abruptly turned away from the sight. A loud peal of slightly off-sounding laugher signaled Hanji’s return.

“I love to see people eager for food!” She hollered. I looked around the restaurant, suddenly worried for Hanji’s business. Fortunately, there only seemed to be one other party—a couple in a corner booth that were too engrossed in what appeared to be trying to eat each other to care much about the surrounding insanity. “Sasha, Connie, how many times do I have to tell you to chew before you swallow? While I _have_ performed the Heimlich maneuver, I’d rather not risk my two best customers dying.”

“Have they been coming here that much?” Bertolt asked from behind me.

I shifted in my seat so I could comfortably look at him. “Yeah, they’re Hanji’s new best friends.”

“Damn nuisances. Hanji hasn’t shut up about dietary studies since they became regulars,” Levi complained. “Hey, where’s that blonde friend of yours?”

“Oh, Annie?” Armin responded before I could even figure out who he was talking about. “A tournament chaperone for the dojo called in sick and she had to step in last minute.”

My shoulders slumped. “Really? I was really looking forward to having everyone here again. I’ll have to text her later.”

Levi brought his lips to my ear, and I automatically leaned in a little to hear him over the noise. “Hey, didn’t you want to talk to Reiner?”

I pulled back enough to look him in the eye, but kept close. “Yeah.”

Levi nodded up front, I shifted to see around Jean’s head, and saw Reiner waiting at the bar, alone. “Now’s your chance.”

I stole a kiss from his lips and rose from my chair, giving one final squeeze of his thigh as I did so. Levi smacked me on the ass and smirked, completely unapologetic. I ignored how hot I felt under the collar and the surround-sound chortling and made a wandering path through the tables to the bar.

Reiner, leaning with his back against the bar saw me coming and gave a sharp wave. “Hey,” he called when I drew closer. I didn’t bother sitting down, instead crossing my arms over the countertop and leaning my weight on them.

“I know why you’re here,” Reiner offered with no prompting.

“Guess I wasn’t very subtle.”

Reiner snorted. “Are you ever?”

The heat in my cheeks renewed. “Shut up.” Reiner chuckled easily. Silence fell between us. “So…” A little anxiety crept into my bloodstream. I’d been waiting so long to hear about this that I now found myself nervous for the answer.

Now it was Reiner’s turn to blush, and, as strange as it was, I found it rather charming on someone as big and built as him. “We talked,” he admitted with some difficulty.

“And? Wait, when?”

“Um, shortly after the first time you texted me.” Shit, that had been back in January. “Sorry I never really explained anything to you. It’s just… a lot happened, and I didn’t really want to explain it all through text. I would have called, but I always thought about it when I couldn’t, and suddenly we were halfway through summer and I realized ‘ _shit_ , I still haven’t talked to Eren,’ but by then I just felt awkward about it, even though I really wanted to thank you—”

“Shit, Reiner, take a breath. It’s fine; just don’t keep me waiting any longer.”

That got Reiner to laugh again, even if a bit self-deprecatingly.

“Well, I did like you suggested and asked Bert to dance. And we started talking again after that, so thank you for that.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “And then little things kept happening like we’d fall asleep together on the couch, or his knee would touch mine under the table and neither one of us would move. Finally I got tired of it and said something to him, so we talked.” One of Reiner’s fingers had begun idly tracing the bar’s surface at some point, and he became intent on whatever invisible picture he was drawing. When he didn’t speak after several long beats of silence I couldn’t take it anymore.

“And what happened?”

Reiner was absolutely scarlet now. He mumbled something I couldn’t hear. I leaned in closer.

“What?”

“We kissed,” he mumbled, crimson up to his scalp.

I wanted to whoop and say “ _about time,_ ” but I didn’t want to celebrate preemptively in case there was more to the story.

“We’re—We’re not labeling anything, but, um… we’re some kind of… thing.” He scratched at his head and folded his arms over his chest protectively. “An exclusive thing.”

“Most people call that dating,” I pointed out.

Reiner shushed me. “Look we aren’t all as experienced at this as… as the rest of you.”

“You’ve probably been in love with each other since you were kids.”

Reiner slapped one broad palm over my mouth. “Eren, man, I love you, but please stop talking now.”

His hand muffled my laughter.

Despite his protests, Reiner looked really happy. I pried his hand away. “I’m happy for you.”

Reiner folded his arms over his chest again, face still rosy. “Thanks for… for caring, I guess.”

I scoffed, minorly offended. “As if I wouldn’t?”

Reiner had the decency to look sheepish, but pressed on, “I just mean… I’m glad you were there. We’ve— _I’ve_ kept this to myself for a long time, and I’m not sure we’d be… a thing… if I hadn’t finally listened to you and done something.”

I shifted and rubbed at my hand, comfort zone finally being breached. Reiner sensed it and coughed. “Sorry, man, just… you know…”

I waved him off quickly, desperation for closing this down growing. “Don’t worry about it.”

I avoided eye contact, but neither of us moved. Awkward silence stretched between us.

“Going to order something?”

We both jumped and whirled.

_Holy shit. How long has Mike been standing there?_

“A couple of minutes.”

Reiner’s face looked like it would glow in the dark. I wasn’t sure mine was much better off.

“I’m just going to go back to the table,” I told them in the smallest voice possible, quickly slinking back to my seat.

“You’re red.”

“Everything okay?”

“What happened?”

“Fine! Everything’s fine, just please don’t ask.” I slumped in my seat.

“Is Reiner okay?” Bertolt’s tremulous voice cut through the chatter and music.

 _Oh shit._ I had no clue what to say to him. Was it okay that I knew things? Had it come up? Would Bertolt be mad?

I froze too long and Bertolt’s eyes softened. “It’s okay. I think I know what you two were talking about.”

I gave him a half-smile. “Then you probably know that he’s happy.”

Bertolt’s ears reddened. He laughed a little self-consciously. “I don’t know why…”

“Fucking hell, Bertolt, Reiner’s crazy for you.” Ymir shouted from directly behind us. “We’ve all fucking known it for years. The why doesn’t matter, just appreciate that crazy son of a bitch!”

Bertolt didn’t get much redder, but his mortification was no-less clear. As was Reiner’s, who was just as crimson as I’d last seen him, _and_ looking horrified.

I saw Krista move what was left of some drink away from Ymir. For everyone’s sake, I hoped more food would be out soon.

“I love her!” Hanji exclaimed. I didn’t even know when she came out from the back again.

I turned around before Ymir could catch sight of me and latch onto the subject of my love life.

“Eren, I hear that you and Levi are visiting Germany in the near future.”

Apparently I couldn’t get away from the topic no matter where I turned. At least Erwin wouldn’t tease or complain relentlessly. Probably. Sometimes I wasn’t too sure about him.

“Yeah. His birthday present to me was a trip anywhere I wanted. Thought it was time he met my dad.”

Erwin smirked. “Good luck, Levi.”

“Shut the fuck up, Erwin.”

Erwin laughed. “Maybe I should be wishing you luck instead, Eren.”

I chuckled a little, but couldn’t muster up enough sincerity for a real laugh. As well as my dad had been doing lately, I was still a little anxious about the trip. I would take any luck I could get.

“Dresden is one of my favorite places in the world,” Erwin offered.

I hummed in agreement. “It’s nice, but I’ve only been once. My dad lives up in Hamburg, so it’s a long drive.”

Armin sighed across from me, face propped in both hands. “I wish I could go.”

“You _could_ ,” I pointed out.

Armin straightened and shook his head. “And get in the middle of your Meet The Parent date? No thank you. Plus, I have too much going on here. Oh, by the way, I was talking to Mikasa before I came here—she sends her love.”

I frowned slightly. “Why doesn’t she call me anymore?”

“I’m special,” Armin immediately supplied.

“Shut up.” Armin grinned at me.

The familiar chill of Levi’s fingers brushed over the back of my hand and I automatically sought out the deep dusty blue of his eyes. He treated me to a small smile and leaned in close. “You are one cute fucker, you know that?”

I bit my lip. Ever since Levi realized that I got especially flustered when he complimented me in public, he’d been relentless in taking advantage of the knowledge when I least expected it. I both hated and loved it.

“ _Levi_ ,” I hissed.

“Yeah. When you do shit like that.”

I wanted to complain and push away from him, but couldn’t bring myself to follow through on it. I squeezed his hand and tried to tug him closer. Which didn’t work very well.

“ _Fucking!_ Stop being so sappy and in love!” Ymir had finally targeted us.

Both Levi and I stilled.

Even after months of dating, neither of us had dropped the “l” word yet. It just… never seemed to be the right time. I didn’t know what was stopping Levi, but… I didn’t like to think on it too hard.

“Oh, like you have any room to talk!” Connie shot back.

The spell binding us broke. Levi averted his eyes. I coughed lightly and squeezed his hand.

“Well, it sounds like good things are ahead,” Erwin commented.

I just stared at him for a solid ten seconds before I figured out what the fuck he was talking about. Apparently he’d never left our initial conversation.

Levi and I looked at one another.

“I think so,” he replied.

Affection flooded me, lifting the corners of my mouth effortlessly.

“Yeah.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you happen to find an extra typo of mine, please point it out to me!!
> 
> If you dare find me on tumblr: [ resmiranda13. ](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I track STTOFTB if you want to follow updates and/or tag something related to the fic. I also track resmiranda13 if you want me to see something.
> 
> See you all next chapter!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which steps are taken and confessions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last normal chapter, guys. Only the epilogue (and aside) left. All I can say is _thank you_.
> 
> Shout out to [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/) for betaing. I appreciate it so much. <3

“Wh—OW! _Fuck!_ ”

I scrambled to set my mug down so I could tend to the scalded skin I’d just sloshed fresh-boiled tea all over.

Levi was by my side in an instant with a cold rag. Sometimes I wondered if he was actually secretly a wizard the way he procured things so quickly.

“Careful, you shit,” he tenderly chastised, pressing the rag against the blooming red spots gingerly. “If I knew you would try to fucking boil yourself, I would not have asked,” he grumbled.

I turned and pressed my head into Levi’s shoulder, chuckling. “You know I’m shit with liquids,” I muttered into the stiff fabric of his button-up. I flipped the towel around in my hands to renew the cold against the lingering sting.

I felt a gentle exhalation disturb my hair—finally short again as of a few weeks ago when the temperature spiked. “I should know that by now,” he agreed.

I lifted my face to look into his eyes, smiling just a little. “Want to ask me again now that I can’t burn myself?”

His eyes carefully scanned my face, then the surrounding area. I narrowed my gaze. “Are you looking for other things I can hurt myself with?”

The faintest twitch of his fingers from where they rested lightly on my shoulder confirmed it. I did my best to glare, though I could tell my happiness was spoiling the effect. “I’m not _that_ bad.”

Levi raised one eyebrow.

“I’m not!” I protested.

Levi dipped his head to brush his mouth against the pout my lips had unconsciously formed. “Levi…” I warned. He knew I did not appreciate being placated.

Instead of trying to defend his actions— _he has no defense and he knows it_ —his slight lips returned to mine and began to kiss me in earnest. I inhaled sharply as my blood began to quicken, a warm feeling of arousal trickling through me and leeching my mind of thoughts.

_Defense… something about defense…_

It was already hopeless. I was left with the vague sense I should be irritated, and the complete lack of will to stay that way when the warm tip of a tongue gently breached my lips. Strength evaporated from my limbs and I began to sag further into the couch, Levi not giving up an inch of space in his pursuit.

Levi had steadily been growing more comfortable with exchanging saliva, and recently, he’d become much bolder. Still, deep kisses were enough of a rarity that they never failed to surprise me in the most maddeningly pleasurable kind of way.

I lifted my hands to my partner’s sides, running my palms over them before moving back down to dip my fingers under the hem of his shirt and caress the warm skin there. Levi’s muscles seized at the touch, then relaxed into my palms, crowding me into the couch that much more. I dug my fingers into his soft skin gently, urging him into my lap.

I kissed down his neck, drawing out a quiet hum of pleasure that vibrated against my lips. I smiled into his skin, undoing the top two buttons of his dress shirt so I could nip at the junction of his neck and shoulder. Levi sighed in contentment, but stopped me a second later, languidly straightening and shifting himself so he was next to me, rather than on top of me.

“As much as I enjoy that, it kills my knees after a minute,” he grumbled.

“Wow.”

He frowned minutely. “What?”

“That may have been the first time I’ve heard you say something age-appropriate.”

Pain blossomed just above my ear. I squawked, and drew in on myself protectively, rubbing the spot Levi had flicked.

“I take back what I said about you moving in with me.”

I was back in his personal space immediately, grasping at his hands and kissing every one of his knuckles tenderly. “Don’t say that,” I requested, softly.

I watched the resistance in his eyes melt. He tilted my head down to kiss me, sweet and slow.

“Move in with me, Eren?”

There was only one answer I could give him.

~~~

“So, you’re moving out?” Armin sounded so disappointed that my enthusiasm was instantly halved.

“Yeah. I mean… it’s been eight months and we’ve been doing really well… Had shitty fights and know we’ll still be there for each other at the end of the day. We’re both ready.”

Armin nodded. “I wouldn’t disagree,” he gingerly responded.

I drew my eyebrows together, confused and a sliver hurt, although I didn’t understand why. “Then,” I swallowed, unexpected nervousness tightening my throat, “why do you look so… unhappy?”

Armin flinched a little—caught and unable or unwilling to deny it. He sighed. “Eren, this is so stupid. Really, I knew we weren’t going to be together forever, but I think… I let myself forget that.”

I stared at him, uncomprehending. “What do you mean?"

Armin sighed again, and this time covered his mouth with the back of his hand—something he only did when incredibly distressed about something. My anxiety level skyrocketed and I was by his side in an instant.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I inquired, gently grasping him by the wrist and lowering his arm. I slid my hand down to his and clasped it, like we did when we were younger, whenever something really bad was happening. It was a gesture of comfort, a silent promise to be a rock for each other in the stormy moments of life.

His fingers were only in mine for a moment before he pulled them away.

The shock and hurt must have been evident on my face because Armin immediately looked remorseful and reached for my hand again, which I hesitated to give to him. “I’m sorry,” he said very softly, his voice tremulous.

“Armin, what the fuck?” I asked without a hint of malice in my voice, only a genuine desire to understand the situation.

“I just never really thought about you leaving!” he suddenly exploded. We both flinched away from each other, but our hands remained connected. His wide eyes suggested he wasn’t expecting that either. His voice was much quieter when he spoke again. “I mean, of course I have thought about it, but… not as much as I should have. I think… I… It’s been just you and me for years, now. I figured that one day you would find someone and leave, or maybe I would, but even after you started dating Levi… I just didn’t really think about you moving out. It’s always been the two of us, so… I just…”

He looked away, and I was horrified to see tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He gasped in pain and I realized I had squeezed down on his hand too hard. I relaxed my grip once more. The nervousness that had flooded me was now making me feel jittery. Armin could probably feel me trembling. It was silent for a minute as I processed what he said.

“I… I never thought about that either,” the gravity of my revelation was apparent in my voice.

Armin gave a little laugh, causing a wave of relief to crash through me.

“Don’t get me wrong, Eren,” Armin started, a considerably lighter tone to his words, “I would never want to sleep with you. You’re very attractive, but I’ve got all the dick I want right here,” he gestured to himself with his free hand, and I barked out a laugh, giving the hand I held a little squeeze. “But,” he said with more seriousness, “I think I had kidded myself into believing I was going to spend the rest of my life with you.”

His words fell, and I just stared blankly at him, gaping a little, before something clicked into place in my brain and I began to smile a little, which soon turned into a full grin.

“What are you saying? Of course you’re going to spend the rest of your life with me. Maybe not living together like we have been, but you’re my heterosexual life partner. My _Pookie_. You can’t possibly believe it’ll be that easy to get rid of me, can you?”

The smile that had been growing on his face faded in a flash the second I said ‘Pookie’.

“Eren, my aunt called me that one time! One!” he shouted.

I laughed, my relief so great that it came out loud and boisterous, and pretty soon Armin was laughing with me, despite his exasperation.

“Yes, and thanks to that I have all the material I’ll ever need to embarrass you at your wedding,” I beamed.

“I’m finding a new best man.”

“No you’re not.”

“I’m not letting you near a microphone.”

“Good luck with that.”

“You suck.”

“Yep.”

“I love you.”

I paused, my chest tightening. A small, fleeting, part of me wondered exactly how he meant that, but the feeling was there and gone, and I knew it didn’t matter.

“I love you, too.”

“By the way, are you ever going to say that to Levi?”

I grabbed the nearest pillow and smacked him.

Armin squealed.

“Eren—WAIT—Eren, isn’t that your phone?”

“Yeah nice try.” I whapped him over the head with my pillow again.

“No, really! I swear!”

I paused my assault, rapidly realizing he _was_ telling the truth, and frantically trying to locate my phone when I realized only one person was ever on the other end of that ringtone.

I bent over the sofa, finally locating the device on the floor by my foot, and fumbled to snatch it up and answer at the same time.

“Hello?”

No response.

“Hello? Dad?”

“Ah, there you are. I thought you weren’t going to pick up.”

“Sorry I didn’t hear it ringing at first.”

Armin kicked at me and gave me a look that said, ‘ _I told you so.’_

“I got your email with the itinerary. I have to say, I am looking forward to spending Christmas with my kids again. And your special someone.”

I could hear the amusement in my voice. “ _Dad_ , you have to promise you’re not going to tell the… that story.”

“The one where I taught you about anal sex and your face was still bright as a tomato when you went to bed?”

“ _Yes that one_ ,” I hissed, skin burning at the thought of reliving that experience with Levi. Then I’d _really_ never hear the end of it.

My dad chuckled. “Don’t worry, I will keep embarrassing stories to a minimum.” I sighed in relief. “But you’re not stopping me from pulling out the baby album.” I groaned.

“ _Dad_ ,” I whined again.

“What? I am just looking forward to sharing my enthusiasm for my son with a like-minded individual.” I cringed a little internally.

“I meant it when I said Levi is sarcastic, you know. He’s much more likely to mock me that be impressed.”

“But he loves you.”

My throat closed off. “I—” I could only choke out one syllable, apparently.

_Why the fuck is everyone bringing this up today?_

“Oh, Eren, I have to go. My pasta’s going to boil over. I love you.”

“Okay. Love you, too, Dad.” He hung up before I could say “bye.”

“I heard that.”

I zoned in on Armin. This time that little shit was getting tickled.

~~~

After thoroughly and completely defeating Armin, my phone rang again—this time with Levi on the other end, offering to pick me up for a celebration that evening. That was how I found myself seated on my usual stool, watching Levi flit about his kitchen, putting finishing touches on our dinner.

“Did I tell you Krista and Ymir set a date yet?”

Levi sprinkled some dill onto a side-dish of corn. “No.”

“They decided on a winter wedding.”

Levi cocked brow. “This winter?”

I nodded once. “Yeah.”

“That’s fast.”

I shrugged. “If anyone can make a beautiful wedding happen on short notice, it’s them.” I watched Levi for a few moments more. “Hey, Levi?”

“Yeah? Food’s ready.” I slid off my stool to grab a plate.

“You wanna go with me?”

He picked up his own plate and speared a chicken breast with his fork, giving it to me. He glanced up before taking one for himself. “To the wedding?”

“Yeah.”

A nervous fluttering filled my stomach as he contemplated. I knew by now that this was his way of not promising things carelessly, and even if he declined the invitation it would be about the event itself and not about me, but still… I wanted him there.

“As long at it doesn’t conflict with work, sure.” His words were like a balm to my nerves, and had I not been holding a plate half-covered in food, I would have swept him up into my arms. “Actually scratch that.” I froze. “If it conflicts with the Gala, we’re definitely going to the wedding instead.

It took me a second, then I laughed. I followed him to the table, set my plate down, and waited for him to sit. “Levi.” He looked up. I pressed two fingers under his chin and leaned down for quick kiss. I was taking my seat before he showed any reaction.

“What was that for?”

“I just l—like the face you make,” I stuttered. I turned my full attention to my plate and refused to lift my head. I could feel the heat of my face, not to mention his gaze, and did not have the courage to meet his eyes. I’d been having more slip-ups like that lately. It was probably because of Armin and how much he’d been pestering me to just say it already.

It was complicated, though. Well, not according to Armin, but it _felt_ complicated. Jean and I had said it so fast… I wanted to do it right with Levi, wanted to be sure, but now it was like I had waited _too_ long. Every time I got close to saying it, something didn’t feel right. I couldn’t just blurt it out over dinner like this, out of nowhere. It wasn’t like I was the only one, either.

_But maybe Armin has a point. He just asked me to move in with him. He must love me, right? I’ve had people telling me from the beginning that he looks like he loved me. Hell, he spent months pining for me before we started dating—not that he’d call it that—_

“Eren.” A well-placed kick to the shin jolted me back into the present.

“ _Ow_ ,” I dropped my fork and rubbed at my leg. Levi controlled his strength pretty well these days, but I still liked to exaggerate the pain to make him feel guilty. Served him right.

“Are you actually going to eat something, or are you just going to look like you’re trying to take a shit for the rest of dinner?”

I looked down, surprised to see my food sitting there, untouched. “Oh.” I picked up my fork, filling it up with rice and taking a mouthful.

Levi was looking on me with furrowed brows. “Are you okay, Eren?”

I swallowed. “Yeah, sorry. Just spaced out.”

“Last night’s sex?”

I choked violently on the swig of water I’d just taken.

Levi at least had the decency to look guilty over that one.

“Sorry.”

I waved him off, smiling even as my lungs attempted to come up my throat. I’d yet to hear Levi apologize to anyone other than me that sincerely.

“No,” I croaked when my airways were finally clear again. “That wasn’t it. But thanks for getting me hard for the rest of dinner.”

Levi scooted closer and sank down in his chair. Before I could figure out what he was up to, a probing foot nudged at my crotch, making me jump with enough force to rattle the table.

“ _Levi!_ ” I squeaked.

He smiled. “Just checking.” I grumbled and pushed my food around.

“We can take care of that after dinner,” he suggested.

The bottom fell out of my stomach, and I could no longer feel hunger as my blood relocated. My throat was dry again.

“Levi—”

“No. Finish your dinner,” he commanded. I was helpless to disobey when he took that tone, especially when concerning food. I knew he considered such things too precious to waste, and mealtime in general was similarly sacred.

So I ate the rest of what I knew was a delicious meal hardly tasting, and squirming like I had to pee when in reality I just couldn’t calm down, since now that he had brought it up, I _was_ thinking of last night’s sex.

“You can wait for me in the room if you want. I’ll clean up.” He had already gathered both our plates and was now filling the sink with soap and water.

I shook my head. “How many times do I have to tell you that when you make dinner, I’ll clean up?”

“That’d be every night.”

“Yeah. You make dinner every night.”

“I don’t mind.”

“What if _I_ mind?”

“Then I don’t care.”

“ _Levi_ ,” I sighed, exasperated.

I walked up behind where he stood at the sink and circled my arms around his waist. Even through his work clothes, I could feel how solidly built he was. Being close like this did nothing to get the dishes done faster, but having him closer felt good, so I indulged myself. I slowly let my hands creep down the plane of his stomach to his belt, and began unfastening it.

The pan he was washing slipped out of Levi’s hands and into the water as I palmed one impressively shapely ass cheek. “Levi,” I breathed huskily in his ear.

“What the fuck has gotten into you, brat?” His words were quick, but had no bite.

“You fuck with me during dinner and then try to pretend you don’t know? You know me better than that, Levi.” I nuzzled the top of his head, breathing in his scent. “I’m going to move in with you, Levi,” I whispered. I nipped at his ear. Levi was now fully leaned back into me.

“Yeah, Eren. I know.” I shuddered at my name, a craving for Levi consuming me. I bent my knees and pressed my crotch against his ass, grinding. Levi tilted his head back, breathing going heavy. He stripped off his gloves and turned around in my hold.

“Go.”

I didn’t need to be told twice or ask where. I took his hand and led the way to his bedroom, blood already pumping hotter in anticipation.

In the last few months we’d fallen into a sexual rhythm. Levi didn’t have the drive or stamina I did, but we were still intimate a few times a week. Everything after that first time had just gotten better. We were both physical people, and we learned best from doing.

It was why Levi took to ordering me around more when he wanted to rev me up. It worked pathetically well.

It was also why I automatically went to the bathroom as soon as we got to the bedroom.

By the time I returned, Levi had all the necessary supplies gathered. I never thought I would find the sight of disposable gloves arousing, but the link between them and merciless fingering had become so strong that I couldn’t even look at a box of them in the grocery store without reacting a little. I shuddered as I watched Levi drizzle lube onto two fingers.

I had not bothered to put pants back on after using the restroom, and my cock, aching after being hard throughout dinner, bobbed at the sight he made. Dozens of role-play scenarios I’d never be brave enough to voice aloud flashed through my mind. I wasn’t even able to ask this man to boss me around in the bedroom—he had to figure that out for himself—I’d _never_ be able to ask him to play doctor with me.

“Eren, come here.” Another shiver raced down my spine at that low timbre. It was his voice, but there was an intangible husk to it when he was aroused. Sometimes I thought I would be able to come from hearing his voice alone. It had certainly pushed me over the edge more than once. “Ass up, brat.”

I obeyed, nerve endings crackling as though charged by the anticipation. I felt him lightly massage my anus before slipping a finger in, another quickly following when it met no resistance.

“ _Oh_ ,” I groaned. I was pent up enough that I could not control the backwards thrust I gave myself on those fingers. Levi gave my ass a tentative tap—I really couldn’t bring myself to label something so light a slap. It took me by surprise. _Did he just…?_

I tried thrusting back again. When I felt his hand come back down, a little harder, it surprised me even more. Levi was rough and straightforward, and I knew he could kick some serious ass, too, but right now he was being so gentle it almost made me laugh. I managed to contain myself, but couldn’t help smiling against my arm as I ground into him a little harder, hoping he would take it as the hint it was.

“Still,” he reprimanded with another one of those light slaps. I whined my protest, but forced my hips to halt, biting my lip in frustration and concentration.

Though part of me wanted to defy him just to see what he’d do… The thought of him spanking me made me groan deep in my throat.

Another one of my unexpected favorite sensations—the shock of cold being replaced with familiar warmth reclaimed all of my attention.

“Are you ready?”

I pressed back against him in answer, succeeding in getting him to breech me and sliding easily down his length. Levi gasped softly at the increased friction and finally gave my ass something I could call a slap, though it was still far too mild to even sting. Feeling much bolder than usual, I withdrew my face from the bed, my voice low and husky, gaze all smoldering lust. “You know, I’m not going to break.” I panted, grinding myself down on his cock, which was currently perfectly aligned to press against my prostate. “If you’re going to spank me, do it like you mean it. I’ll tell you if you go too far.”

Levi looked hesitant, which was practically unheard of, but I felt his dick twitch inside me at my words. I gave another, slow, roll of my hips and looked over my shoulder, watching as whatever ties held him back snapped and he gave my right cheek a hard, burning, slap that cracked in the air.

“ _Ah!_ ” I cried, more in surprise than from pain. The heat left in the wake of his contact with my skin sent a shudder of desire through me, so strong my mind was left reeling. I couldn’t think except to acknowledge that I wanted, no _needed_ , more. So I told him.

“More.” My voice was so choked with desire it was barely recognizable to me, and Levi instantly responded, slapping me hard enough I had to lean down on my elbows to keep from rocking too far forward. The sweet pain dispersed through my backside and I bit my lower lip hard when the next hit fell. _Damn, he’s strong._

I had always known I was a bit of a masochist. A bit of a sadist, too, but I preferred to take the pain. Jean and I had tried a little bit of BDSM, but despite his brash and somewhat violent nature, he was too cautious to take things as far as I wanted them to go. He never trusted that I really would tell him if it went too far. Despite all the psychological shit he put me through, he really hated the thought of physically hurting me.

Levi, however… I knew he didn’t want to hurt me either. His surprising tentativeness had been evidence enough alone, if not for the other times he’d worried over me. He trusted me, though. I told him what I wanted, and he was giving it to me. _Oh_ , was he giving it to me. Half-formed thoughts of other things we might be able to try flashed through my head, but then another crack of his hand would send them flying right out. There was a sudden reprieve in hits, and Levi’s hands ghosted over the now hot and tender skin of my rear, his chest pressed against my back as he stretched to whisper in my ear, “Your ass is the prettiest shade of red right now, brat. Fuck, I want you.” I was pretty certain that it was impossible for me to get harder at this point. I had been swollen and dripping now for what felt like ages, but I felt Levi’s words go straight to my groin nonetheless.

“Please,” I rasped, unable to make anything else come out. Levi pulled out and turned me over so I was facing him again, and I whimpered a little as my raw skin rubbed against the sheets, small sparks of electricity licking up my spine. It took a great deal of concentration to not come right there, looking into his intense slate eyes, I was so worked up.

He entered me again so slowly it took all my restraint to not grab his ass and force myself onto him once more, injury or infection be damned. But I knew how important doing this the “right” way was to him, though, so I fought to keep myself in control until he was in, begging him to move, but knowing he wouldn’t until he believed I was ready.

“ _Ah!_ ” The note was pure, unadulterated bliss—for him, too, if the cry mingling with mine was anything to go by. He pulled out and immediately pushed back in, but it was still too slow. I craved more—More touch, more sounds, more everything. I leaned up to grab his head and yanked it to mine where I immediately delved my tongue into his mouth for a taste of him, sucking on his tongue, and feeling his every expression of pleasure reverberate on my lips.

“ _Mm_ , _Levi…_ ” I gasped as his head grazed my prostate again. He pulled back and latched onto the skin at my neck, sucking with bruising force, and I groaned. He shifted the angle of his hips, and the white-hot lightning spike it sent through me was too good for me to even make noise. My mouth just hung open in a silent scream with nothing more than a squeak leaking out. Levi panted hard against my damp neck, occasionally giving a cry or whine of his own.

“Eren,” Levi’s voice was breathy and broken, “ _Eren Eren Eren Eren_ ,” his voice was a mantra in my ear, a prayer to the universe in the midst of our love-making, and it undid me. I had already been holding back for longer than I thought possible. When he wrapped his hand around my cock, he didn’t even have the chance to move it before I was coming, harder than I ever remembered. As I rode out the last of my orgasm and went limp, I felt Levi tense, breathing, “Fuck, _Eren_ ,” as he wrapped his arms around me and I felt him convulse inside. Then he, too, went boneless and we simply laid there, sweat-soaked and breathing hard, too winded to say anything.

When he recovered enough, Levi pulled himself up and out of me, discarding the condom in the trashcan next to my bed and grabbing the washcloth again to remove my sticky semen from our abdomens. He folded the rag and tossed it in a bin, leaning over me to give me a languorous kiss before pulling back. “Think you can make it to the bathtub, brat?” His fingers ran gently through my hair.

“Mmm,” I made a noise, but honestly I didn’t know if that was a yes or a no myself.

“Ah,” he replied, rolling his eyes, “That clears everything up. Use your words, Eren.”

I tried to formulate an answer through the haze of the afterglow I was basking in. “Sounds painful. My ass is really sore.” I was only just beginning to register the ache.

“Well that is your own damn fault for asking for it. Didn’t realize you were such a fucking masochist.” I smiled at him sheepishly. His voice wasn’t apologetic, but even so he leaned forward, the hand that had been petting my hair coming down to cup my cheek. He searched my eyes. “Are you okay?”

 _That orgasm was the fucking best I’ve ever had. I’m with you. I’m fantastic._ _I…_ was not saying those things in my head. I could just imagine how my blush grew.

Levi chuckled at me and my heart felt like it was going to burst from happiness when he gave me one of those rare smiles I loved so much. “Then you can put up with a little discomfort. We need to clean up.”

I groaned, but did not fight him as he lifted me up and carried me effortlessly to the bathroom. I felt like a baby, but his chest was so warm and he smelled so good that I decided I didn’t care. He ran a warm bath in that tub that easily accommodated both of us, and though it hurt to sit my butt on the hard ceramic bottom, Levi’s slender hands massaging soap into a lather on my body felt blissful, and I was struggling to stay awake. A sharp jolt to the back of my head had me jerking upright from where I had been nodding off. “Oi, brat. What have I told you about dying for a stupid reason. Wake up or I’m letting you drown next time.”

I did my best to comply and started washing Levi, using the movement to keep myself from drifting off again. As soon as we got out, Levi left me to dry off and get ready for bed while he changed the linens. When we both were finally dry and clean and ready for bed, we huddled together under the sheets, my cheek against his chest even though I had to scoot farther down in the bed to do so. He was stroking my hair again—probably my favorite non-sexual form of contact—and my eyelids were drooping, complete and utter exhaustion settling in my bones. Still, I fought to keep myself awake just a little bit longer to press a soft kiss to Levi’s lips. He sighed contentedly and kissed back.

_I love you._

The words stayed in my head this time. I knew I could keep them there, if I wanted to—continue saying nothing. But for once I wanted my thoughts to be known. I wanted him to know just what was on my mind in this moment. Whether it was because I was tired, or had just had what might have been the best sex of my life, or simply because I couldn’t contain this thought that had been popping up in the back of my mind for a while now anymore… I didn’t know what was driving the need to tell him right now.

 _Is this a good idea? Should I wait?_ No. I wanted to tell him what I was thinking. I needed to say this; I needed him to hear. _This is the right moment._

“Levi?” my voice was soft in the darkness.

“Hm?”

I lifted myself up, straining to see his face in the dim lighting. My eyes adjusted and found his.

“I love you.”

He didn’t say anything at first. My words hung in the air and I didn’t breathe, waiting for how he would respond, trying to calm my racing heart.

He let out a long, slow breath. “I love you, too, Eren.”

Simple. Succinct. _Levi_.

I let go of the breath I’d been holding and leaned down to kiss him once more, tasting the sweetness of his lips as our mouths tenderly worked against one another, all the urgency from before gone, but a smoldering passion still present.

As we finally lay back against the pillows and drifted off to sleep, our bodies twined together, thoughts of how this wasn’t supposed to happen filtered into my head. I was not supposed to fall in love with Armin’s editor. I was not supposed to find a cranky, short man nineteen years older than me attractive. He wasn’t supposed to spill coffee on Jean or buy me drinks or take me out to lunch or suck me off. None of those things should have happened. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.

I shifted slightly to look at the dark form beside me, breathing deeply and evenly, radiating warmth and making me feel like I had found home.

No, it most definitely was not supposed to turn out like this.

But I was glad it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you happen to find an extra typo of mine, please point it out to me!!
> 
> If you dare find me on tumblr: [ resmiranda13. ](http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I track STTOFTB if you want to follow updates and/or tag something related to the fic. I also track resmiranda13 if you want me to see something.
> 
> See you all next chapter!


	31. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things turn out for the best. ^_~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HALT!
> 
> There is an aside, [ Sometimes Things Go Right](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8337355), for this fic. While it's not necessary to understand the epilogue, it does fill in some of the time gaps, so I recommend reading that before reading this.
> 
> This is it.
> 
> 3 years in the making, and this is the end. See the end of the work for my long-ass author's note.

It was a normal day.

After moving in together months ago, Levi and I had finally established a way of living together that was satisfactory to both of us. Nothing special was going on this particular Saturday—well, except maybe that for once Levi wasn’t swamped by the need to read some “new shitty manuscript” or type up a report. We had taken the rare opportunity to spend a lazy morning together, sleeping in and then rolling around in the bed for a while before actually getting up. Now Levi was making brunch (I still could cook jack shit, despite Levi’s efforts to train me) while I just sat at the table, nursing a coffee and appreciating the fantastic view of my boyfriend’s ass clad in nothing but his boxers.

“Brat, are you ever going to get tired of ogling my ass?” He asked as he pushed eggs around in one of the pans.

“Nope.” That was the easiest question I’d ever been asked in my life. I would say the grass was purple and my name was Lassie before I’d answer yes to that question.

I watched Levi’s face as I answered. Someone who didn’t know him like I did would probably miss the almost imperceptible smirk that quirked the corner of his lips. He’d never admit it (hell, he’d probably punch me if I even suggested it), but I could tell Levi liked it when I fawned over his body. As hyper-aware as he tended to be, I was pretty sure he hadn’t yet realized that he fished for compliments like that regularly. I wasn’t about to tell him, either. It amused me too much.

My stomach gurgled.

Levi didn’t even bother to look up from the pan he was tending. “Five more minutes.”

I sank down in my chair, wishing I could make my stomach shut up through sheer force alone. It defied me with its loudest protest yet. I groaned and scrubbed my hands over my face, determinedly ignoring Levi’s chuckle.

I sulked until Levi bumped my shoulder lightly and set a plate in front of me.

“Eat, brat.” He ruffled my hair as he walked around to the other side of the table.

I watched until Levi had taken a seat and picked up his fork before I dove in with gratitude. The corners of his lips turned up and he just watched me enjoy his cooking for a few seconds before he gave attention to his own plate.

I paused and tapped my fork against my lips, thinking. “Remember the first time I cooked for you?”

Levi looked up and his eyes grew warm with the memory. “New Year’s Day. Sausage and hash browns. You told me the favorite part of my book was the ending.” His account was bathed in the air of _‘how could I ever forget.’_

My eyes mapped Levi’s familiar face. The tender look he offered flooded me with affection. “We’ve come so far since then,” I stated somewhat wistfully. It was far from the first time I had made such a statement, but the transformation of our relationship over the years never ceased to astound me.

Levi’s gaze went a bit distant. I could almost feel him slipping back into the past, probably to the more unpleasant memories of the time before I recognized my own interest in him. “Yeah.” He came back to the present moment and met my eyes, but quickly flicked them away. He resumed eating. My mouth pulled into a frown.

“Is something wrong?” Levi’s shoulders stiffened, but he kept eating like nothing was off.

“Of course not. Eat your breakfast, brat.”

I stared at him a beat longer. His eating had definitely turned a little more mechanical. He might be able to fool anyone else in the world, but after living with him for eight months, I’d become a pro at reading his subtle tells. He wasn’t telling me something.

I silently warred with myself as the meal continued on in silence. Not that silence was that unusual, but the atmosphere had gone from warm and lazy to edgy in the blink of an eye. I couldn’t decide if I should press or not. I hated it when Levi kept things from me, and secrets usually never resulted in good things for us, but sometimes Levi needed space and time before he was ready to talk about things. I did, too. I pinched the skin of my left hand.

Before I had come to any conclusions, both of us were done eating. Levi stood up and walked out of the room, down the hallway, into a guest room we typically only went into to clean. I stared down at our dirty plates. He hadn’t even taken them to the sink.

Now there was no doubt something was wrong.

I stood up, intending to follow him, when Levi reappeared and walked back to me, agitation even more palpable. My heart kicked into overtime as an unpleasant spike of adrenaline doused my system. _Just what—_

“Eren…” I gazed down at Levi, feeling my facial muscles contract into an expression of concerned confusion. Levi was being hesitant. For as long as I’d known him, I’d only seen him unsure of himself a handful of times. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what was making him so nervous. Everything had been great lately… hadn’t it? When he raised his voice again, it only furthered my confusion. “Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me?”

I stared in awe has a subtle shade of pink rose to his cheeks. Levi never blushed, unless you counted the rose cheeks of drunkenness blushing. I’d seen him genuinely blush about the number of times I’d seen him be hesitant. “Of course I do.” _That night was some of the best sex I’ve ever had. And it was the first time he told me he loved me, too._ “How could I forget?”

“Listen, brat…” He trailed off again, and I could tell he was struggling. Levi was still not particularly good at putting his feelings into words. He was incredible at motivational speeches, which were frequently driven by personal feelings, but it was just somehow different from when it came to his private life. I had learned from experience that it was just best to encourage him without trying to coax out what he wanted to say faster than he was ready to say it. He would get there in time.

“Hey,” I pushed myself away from the counter and moved to cup his cheek. “Don’t worry so much.” I said the words soothingly even though I was feeling far from calm myself. I trusted Levi, and I knew he loved me, but I had no idea what he wanted to talk about and I couldn’t help myself from feeling a little anxious. My mind still liked to run wild with the worst possible scenarios. “I’ll listen to whatever you have to say.”

Levi closed his eyes and pressed his cheek against my palm. It was another one of those gestures that he secretly loved. The longer we were together, the more and more he let me in, slowly allowing himself to lean on me for the support I was all too eager to give. It thrilled me when he—the grumpy and cold Levi—let himself be vulnerable with me. Some things he’d entrusted with me pretty early on, like his difficulty balancing his obsession with cleanliness with his desire for sex; others were newer, like the times he’d come home wanting nothing more than to snuggle up after a hard day at work; and I was sure there were still some forms of vulnerability he had yet to show me—either because the proper situation hadn’t arisen or he was still guarding that part of himself. But I knew he didn’t have to share any of his moments of insecurity with me, and thus treasured them when they came along. Sometimes a moment like this felt more intimate than making love.

“You know I’m not particularly magnificent at saying what I mean, but…” He pulled his face away from my hand and continued, “I just wanted to tell you—because I didn’t, at the time—that when you said that to me I felt so fucking relieved.” He sounded relieved just speaking the words now, the pace at which he spoke increasing ever so slightly, “I was afraid to say it to you. I’d been thinking it for just about damn forever—even before we were dating—but I was terrified I’d say it too soon and freak you out and fuck us up. I couldn’t take fucking us up because of that. There were enough things to pose as obstacles without scaring the shit out of you.” I saw how Levi was clenching his fist, his other hand white-knuckling the table. He hadn’t been meeting my eyes, which was unusual. I moved to gently pry his hands loose and hold them in mine. At the action he seemed to remember himself and relaxed a little, moving the pale eyes I couldn’t get enough of back to my face. “I know you know that I’m not as full of myself as I pretend to be. I know how you feel, but sometimes I still worry that you’ll come to your senses someday and realize you’re dating a shitty old ass with a fucked up past that he can’t completely shake and go be with someone who’s better.”

I swallowed hard, feeling like my heart was in my throat. _What was he…? How could he think…?_ “Levi, I’d never—”

“Shut up, brat; let me finish,” he snapped, seeming more like his usual self for a second. He moved away from me and stalked back towards the kitchen, pushing one hand through his hair.

 _Crap. He only does that when something is really bothering him. What the hell is going on?_ Abruptly he stopped short of his pacing.

“Shit. This isn’t going like I wanted it to at all,” he muttered. He wheeled to face me. “Eren,” he declared boldly. “I’m an asshole. I’m old as fuck compared to you. I get jealous more easily than is probably healthy, and I have fucking issues when it comes to sanitization. You’ve made it clear that for some reason, you love me. And I love you. I fucking love you, Eren.” I tried not to let my mouth hang open. I was hardly breathing. I didn’t think I’d ever heard him speak with that much passion. “I was afraid to be the first to say it, and I’m always worried that if I spew too much romantic shit and you actually figure out how fucking crazy I am about you it’ll still scare you off.”

My heart was pounding wildly. He was wrong. So wrong. He couldn’t _be_ anymore wrong. He could _never_ drive me away for a reason like that. Levi and I had only been together for about a year and a quarter, but already I was certain that I wouldn’t be going anywhere. This relationship had taught me that time wasn’t always necessary to know when you’d found someone worth staying with. I had been with Jean for three years, and I loved him, but those feelings paled in comparison to how I felt about Levi. They had from nearly the beginning. And I was able to trust Levi in a way I never could Jean. Levi always told the truth, no matter how painful it might be, and was always willing to work through our problems. Doing that wasn’t always pretty, but our devotion to one another remained a firm foundation for us to fight out our difficulties on. If I weren’t so concerned by his seriousness I might have even let out a nice long laugh about how he actually thought said devotion could frighten me into leaving. Nothing could be further from actuality.

“ _Levi_ …” I tried again, only to be stopped again.

“I said _shut up_ , _Eren_ ,” there was a sharp edge of frustration in his voice now. “Fuck. This is why I don’t like to say much. I always fuck it up.” He briskly walked back over to me, till we were standing no more than a foot apart. “What I’m _trying_ to say is I don’t want you to ever go anywhere. I want to know you’ll always be here. I want you to promise me you’ll always be mine; will never leave me.”

“I prom—”

“No.” He cut me off yet again, one hand delving into his jean pocket and the other one snatching my hand and turning it over so he could place whatever it was he had grabbed in it. “Promise me,” he said, sliding his hand back to uncover the silver-colored band now resting in my palm. My eyes widened in shock. I couldn’t breathe.

“Is this…” I choked out after a pause. He locked his eyes with mine, his blue eyes swimming with emotion…

“Marry me.”

I was so overwhelmed I could hardly think. Out of all the outcomes my brain wove for this conversation, this was not even close to one of them. Nothing that went through my mind could be considered a coherent thought. Nothing except one word:

“Yes.”

Levi looked as shocked by my answer as I felt by his question, but he moved to take the ring and place it on my finger all the same. His hands were trembling. So were mine. It took a couple of seconds to line the ring up on my finger, but finally he managed to push it on, looking up at me just in time for me to crash my lips into his.

His reaction was instantaneous. His arms twined around me, one moving into my hair to massage my scalp, while I wrapped both my arms around his waist, kissing him deeply, lovingly, passionately. I poured all of my emotions into that kiss, trying to tell him with action what I could not with words. How happy I was. How grateful I was. How surprised. How excited. How madly in love with him I was and how I could not be surer of spending my life with him.

I tried to tell him all these things and felt what he was trying to communicate to me in return. His relief. His joy. His giddiness. His tenderness. His horniness (honestly, if this was what he was like in his forties, I was almost scared to think of what he was like as a teenager). And most of all, his love for me. The sweet caress of our lips and intertwining of tongues and gentle nips of teeth allowed us to exchange a much more meaningful conversation than we could have ever had trying to speak.

Still, I felt like I was obligated to offer at least a little more in the way of verbalization. I broke our kiss to look at him, raising one of my hands up to fondle his undercut as I did so. The softness of the short strands was one of my favorite sensations in the world.

“I love you,” I whispered, not having the breath nor the will to speak louder.

He tilted my head down so he could press his forehead to mine.

“I’m so fucking happy,” he sighed. “I thought I was going to shit myself for a while there.”

“Good thing you didn’t,” I muttered, raising my head so I could bury my face in his hair, breathing him in. “Do you need to take a shit now?” After being together for a over year, and especially after moving in together, I’d picked up on his habit of addressing bodily functions in all their explicitness. It no longer angered me the way it had the first time. Ironically, it had sort of become code for us.

“No,” he responded. I could hear the sensuality in his tone. “Why?”

I dipped my head so I could speak in his ear and dropped my voice low. “I was kind of hoping I could ravish my _fiancé_ now.”

I still couldn’t see Levi’s face, but I could hear the eye roll in his voice. “The things you say, brat. I’ve had about all the sentimentality today I can stand.” He unwound his arms from around me and lightly pushed me back from him, only to grab my hand and start leading me down to our bedroom. Something occurred to me.

“Hey, Levi…” I began slowly. He paused and turned to me. “You said you loved me basically forever, right? What did you mean by that?” Levi froze, redness creeping into his cheeks again and I had to suppress a giggle because of how out-of-character and just plain _cute_ it was.

“I don’t… really know how to answer that,” he finally said.

“Well, you said it was before we were dating, right? So how long before?” However curious I was before had just increased tenfold.

Levi rubbed his forehead and let go of my hand so he could slump against the hallway wall. “I didn’t love you forever, okay? I was just really intrigued by you and knew that it had the potential to become love. And I didn’t exactly try to avoid you, so I kept having this feeling that I did not want to name and by the time I did I knew I loved you, okay? Can we fuck now, brat?” he asked, making an impatient gesture to his lower half.

As much as I wanted that, I really had to confirm what I was thinking. “So, basically, it was love at first sight, right?” I couldn’t help the grin that broke out on my face at the thought of Levi falling head-over-heels for me from day one. I mean, that probably sucked for him because I’d taken a long time to catch up, but still…

“Eren, do you listen to a damn word I say?” He straightened and grabbed my hand again, pulling me into our bedroom as he insisted, “I told you it was _not_ love the first time.”

My grin got wider. “Sure, keep telling yourself that,” I teased.

He let go of my hand and I watched as he walked over to lay himself down on the bed, fixing me with his most dangerous look—the one he knew shut me up without fail every time. “Get over here, brat.”

I did not need to be told twice, crossing the room quickly to spread myself over him and steal another kiss, this one imbued with much more greed. We stayed like that for a few minutes, our touches turning to teases, and just when I went to really start things, Levi pulled away, eyes darkened by desire, but clear and affectionate. “Eren…” My name was carried on the ghost of a breath and he moved to brush his lips against mine once again before looking into my eyes again and continuing. “I love you too.” He brushed a thumb over my cheek once tenderly before his eyes finally clouded over, a hint of tongue appearing to wet his lips before saying, “Now fuck me.”

And fuck him, I did.

~~~

Much later that evening, as we huddled together under the sheets. it occurred to me how lucky I was. How none of this should have happened, but somehow did. There were literally endless paths we could have taken. At no point before that day in early November when Armin had pointed out my apparent attraction to Levi would I have guessed that things would turn out this way. I could remember thinking clearly early on that this would certainly be a bad idea. One that could go wrong in so many ways.

But…

I looked to the sleeping form next to me. Levi. My future husband. The man I loved and the person I would spend the rest of my life with. I smiled.

It could have gone wrong in so many ways.

But sometimes things turn out for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this fic!
> 
> If you made it this far, I wish I could bake you a cake, or something else you would enjoy, because this thing is so long, and I wish I could manifest my gratitude for reading that many of my words.
> 
> This fic started as a lunch date I dreamt and wrote down. That was it. And I thought, hey, since I wrote this much, what if I filled in the story around this scene? So the first chapter of STTOFTB was created and uploaded. I had no clue it was going to be so long. I had no clue how long it would take me to write it. I'd never written fanfiction before.
> 
> A HUGE thank you to all of you who have supported me along the way. Every kudos, comment, bookmark, and subscription have meant so much to me. Did you know I've been keeping statistics of that stuff since Chapter 1? For three years I've been documenting all that stuff because I'm a nerd and seeing the numbers rise made me that happy.
> 
> I especially have to thank those of you who took the time to comment. You have no idea how encouraged I have been by your words, and how much I've enjoyed getting to converse with some of you! You guys are the reason I never once considered abandoning this story (except when I almost lost everything on my computer, but we don't need to remember that dark time).
> 
> Extra special thanks to [Nikooki](http://nikooki.tumblr.com/) for betaing so much of this fic, and [Remembrance](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Remembrance) for ceaselessly cheering me on when I became uncertain of my ability as a writer.
> 
> I will miss this fic; I'm also glad it's finally finished. It's bittersweet. My time in the SNK fandom has been overwhelmingly positive - something that hasn't been true for many others. I have you guys to thank for that, and feel very blessed.
> 
> Thank you all for 3 amazing years. I doubt anything in my life will ever be quite like this experience, and I'm eternally grateful - it's meant more than you'll ever know. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if there are any errors. I tried really hard to catch them all, but sometimes my brain dies. Feel free to leave comments and critiques, too, as long as they aren't mean. :)
> 
> Oh, and I really do intend for this to be a slow build, but a) couldn't resist the tease at the beginning, and b) do not promise full control over Eren and Levi. Gonna try, though. I'm calling the beginning an 'M' for now, but it's going to be an 'E' one day, for sure.
> 
> And now I have a tumblr: http://resmiranda13.tumblr.com/  
> EDIT: I'm totally pathetic when it comes to tumblr and only JUST figured out that you have to enable ask and submit. So if any of you wanted to do either of those things, you can now!


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